WHERE ARE WE??

Page 6 - CM has the proof that globalwarming is really happening!Page 8 - CM make mistakes but not likethese!Page 15 - Top 10 Doggie Peeves!

THE NORTH COAST’S#1 CHOICE OF

PADDY & MURPHY!

AVAILABLE ONLINE!!www.costambarmonthly.com

COSTAMBARJenny’s MarketLoase Resort

Pascual Fast Food

PUERTO PLATASupermercado Tropical

Sam’s Bar & GrillThe Meeting Place

You can find copies of Costambar Monthlyat the following locations:

LUPERONBanegra’s Marine Store

COFRESIDesperado’s

LAS ROCASLos Tres Cocos

INSIDEWhat’s Happening

Auntie SocialUseful Telephone Numbers

Classified ListingsCable TV Channel Listing

The Rainy Day PageDominican Republic Map

AND LOTS OF OTHER FUN STUFF!

VILLAS COFRESILos Dos

AN ODE TO COSTAMBAR(To the tune of The Monkee’s)

Hey hey we’re CostambarAnd people always put us down

But we’re too busy drinkingTo let it make us frown!

Hey hey we’re CostambarA crazy little North Coast town

The people who all live hereMake a joyful sound!

Hey hey we’re CostambarAnd characters abound

But no one takes any noticeAnd it’s gained us much renown!

Hey hey we’re CostambarWhy not come around

Just don’t let the road hereGive you a meltdown!

Costambar Monthly page 2

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to trysomething different. Like Australian Lamb,Imperial Duck Breast or French Lamb Rack - justto name a few. Call 809-993-4503 for details.

Loase Resort is available for weddings,birthdays, spiritual or self improvement groups.Look for classes in meditation and yoga orworkout with racquetball, handball or wallyball.Wireless internet, big screen movies andconcerts.

Los Dos in Villas Cofresi offers German-Frenchcuisine and a special Crepes Menu. EveryWednesday enjoy free house wine with everyprawn menu item ordered. And for March 1st to6th from 11am to 8pm Brahma Grandes are onlyRD$55!! Ask about other specials!!

Pascual Fast Food on Costambar Beach invitesyou to enjoy their Beach Party every Friday from7pm. There is activities, surprises, Karaoke byHI5 and bonfires! Admission is free and BBQ isavailable for RD$200. Free snacks during HappyHour! And check out their amazing menu! Greatfood on the beach!

Sam’s Bar & Grill is under new management!Come out and say hi to Texas Bobby and seewhat his exciting new plans are! Sundays is BBQDay with ribs or chicken and fixins’ and everydayis All Day Breakfast! Open daily from 8am until....

In the mood for Mexican? Then pass byDesperado’s Mexican Cantina. Yummy Mexicandishes, great ocean views and ice cold beer -doesn’t get better!

New in Puerto Plata is The Meeting Place! Thisis your source for popular novels, children’s book& guidebooks! And they also specialize in bookswith DR related content! If you are looking forsomething different to do, March 24-27 they areshowcasing a Quilt Exhibit! And for a limitedtime if you mention that you saw their ad inCostambar Monthly you will receive a freeRachel Ray Cookbook with a RD$500 purchase!!

WHAT TO DOTHIS MONTH!

IF I HAD A HAMMERI’D GET HAMMERED IN THE MORNINGI’D GET HAMMERED IN THE EVENINGALL OVER THIS LAND...

Costambar Monthly page 3

CLASSIFIED ADS

FOR SALEHAIR STRAIGHTENERS: Corioliss. Ceramic. Look andwork similar to GHD's. Imported from US. RRP $200.Boxed, barely used sets available at RD$1,500.Call John 809-401-1402

FOR SALE1999 Toyota Super Custom Limited Hiaci Wagon (MiniVan) .Very comfortable for 7/9 passengers.EFI Diesel Turbo 6 cyl., automatic,3 sun roofs. Air condi-toned. 169,000 KM. Good condition, well maintained.Very elegant, exterior color is ivory with grey trim, inte-rior is deep red corduroy. Offer at 170,000 RD. ContactJulio at cellular 1-829-272-6642 or 809-970-7544.Email Julio.cofresi@gmail.com

FOR SALEGPS Navigation for Dominican Republic, all the Highways,Streets and Road on the entire Island, Points of InterestSoftware only for DR $125,00 US works on all GarminGPS unitsSoftware & New Garmin GPS Unit $275.00 US IncludesDominican Republic, USA, Puerto Rico, & Canada mapswww.grundie.com/gps 809-543-0728 info@grundie.com

FOR SALESatellite Dish: 5,000 pesosGas Refrigerator: 12,500 pesosChevrolet Pick up Truck: 350,000 pesosCall 809-320-1441 or email dianepellerin@yahoo.com

FOR SALE15HP Johnson outboard motor. Short shaft,good runner,US$800Call cel. 809-449-1819

FOR SALEFully adjustable portable basketball system with 48 inchshatter guard xl backboard like new by Lifetime WorldClass.( Cost 330.00 US) 10,000 pesos or best offer. CallRay @ 809-261-6878

Costambar Monthly classified ads are freeBut can only be placed by emailing

costambarmonthly@yahoo.caOr calling 809-449-1820

PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads areonly for personal items. Commercial

properties or enterprises (including realestate sales or rentals) must purchase anad. Classifieds will usually be run for one

month only unless we are otherwisenotified.

8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

Mother, a Kennel Club registered GermanShepherd.Father, Super Dog - able to leap tall fences ina single bound.

Looks like a rat.. Been out a while.Better be a big reward.

Also 1 gay bull for sale.

Must sell washer and dryer £100.

Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie..

Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45volumes. Excellent condition. No longer needed.Got married last month. Wife knows f *****geverything.

AND NOTTHE CLASSIFIEDS!FOR SALE

2007 Nissan Tilda, bought new in 2009, only 4500 kms,2yr warranty, perfect condition, leather seats.US$17000 negotiableCall 809-988-1322

Costambar Monthly page 4

Located on the Entrance Road to CostambarWorking with Steel, Stainless Steel

& AluminumNew Fabrications and Repairs

We are also Mobile!CALL JAN NIELSEN @ 829-962-9690OR EMAIL tallernielsen@yahoo.com

NIELSEN WELDING & FABRICATION

YET ANOTHER GREAT USE FOR DUCT TAPE!!

I feel like my body has gotten totally out ofshape, so I got my doctor's permission tojoin a fitness club and start exercising.I decided to take an aerobics class forseniors.I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up anddown, and perspired for an hour.BUT -By the time i got my leotards on, the classwas over!

Dear Auntie Social:I’m thinking of attending a local function that’shappening this month. I’ve heard they’ll be serv-ing a ‘finger buffet’. I’ve never heard of this. Doyou think it will be good?SignedBaffled by the Buffet

Dear Baffled:I’ve heard fingers taste just like chicken andhave more meat on them than frog’s legs! Wheredo you think the phrase ‘finger licking good’came from?

Dear Auntie Social:I retired here recently and love it. My only com-plaint has to do with my new girlfriend. I lovetaking her out and showing her off but almostevery place we go the first thing they bring toour table is a colouring book and crayons for mynovia. She’s not that young and I find this insult-ing. What should I do?SignedMay-December Romance

Dear Romance:Oh people can be so cruel! I’m sure they are justjealous of you for finding true love. It’s not likeevery old guy down here can find himself ayoung girl to fall helplessly in love with. Oh waita minute...yes they can! But I’m sure your situa-tion is definitely different. Just laugh it off andin 5 or 6 years I’m sure you’ll find it isn’t hap-pening so much anymore.

Dear Auntie Social:Good to have you back! Where the heck yabeen? We were worried about you!SignedAntsy About Auntie

Dear Antsy:And so you should have been. I was in a veryscary place! I think they call it ‘the real world’!But if I ever think of going there again just tieme to my barstool and buy me another beer!

Costambar Monthly page 5

Lot sizes from 700mts to 2000mtsALSO FOR SALE House with 2 floors on 1063 sq. M. withincredible view. US$179,995Call 516-692-7862 orEmail: snovick@netzero.net (subject Aguaita building lots)

BEAUTIFUL BUILDING LOTS AVAILABLE IN AGUAITA(Approximately 15 minutes from Puerto Plata)Some have incredible views of Brugal Valley, Maimon and the AtlanticOcean in beautiful farm country. Rare opportunity to own a piece ofparadise!! ALL WITH CLEAR TITLES From US$20 per mt2

BUILDING LOTS FOR SALE PROPERTIES INCOSTAMBAR/BAYARDO – Well built 3 bdrs, 3 ½ bthrs. With a large back

yard and pool. |U.S.$510,000– Right on the beach, 5 bdrs., large family room overlook-

ing the pool and the ocean. U.S.$385,000 – 2 bdrs., 2 bthrs., with large balcony in front of the

beach with a pool. Fully furnished. U.S.$100,000 – 2 bdrs., 2 bthrs. near beach, in excellent condition.

Fully furnished and ready to move in. U.S$149,000 – 2 Bdr., 2 Bthrs. on 2 floors with pool in well main-

tained bldg. U.S. $89,000 – 2 bdrs., 2 bthr., large backyard with two bldgs, that

can be used for entertaining or modified to have extra livingspace. Fully furnished U.S. $120,000

– 3 bdrs., 3 bthrs., balconies in well maintained bldg.,with pool. Fully furnished , just move in. U.S.$95,000

– large 2 bdrs., den, 2 ½ bthrs., with a panoramic viewof the ocean, and excellent condition. U.S$65,000

– 41 ft - living room, dining room, kitchen and two doublecabins (front and aft), each with full bathroom, plus the boat’smain command station moored at Ocean World. U.S.$225,000

What do you call alazy baby kangaroo?A pouch potato!

APARTMENTFOR RENT

COSTAMBAR

What doyou calla pig

that doesKarate?

APorkChop!

During his time in prison Andy was such amodel prisoner that arrangements were madefor him to learn a trade. Soon, he wasrecognized as one of the best carpenters in thearea and was often given a weekend pass todo jobs for the citizens of the local community.At that time the warden was remodelling hiskitchen but realized he lacked the skills tobuild the cupboards and wide countertop he’dpromised his wife. So he called Andy into hisoffice and asked him to complete the job forhim.

“Gosh, I’d really like to help you,” Andy told thewarden, “but counter fitting is how I ended upin prison in the first place!”

Costambar Monthly page 6

COSTAMBARRENT CAR, SxA

Amado TejadaProprietor

Telephone:809-970-7005Cellular: 809-757-3744

Calle Principal #4, Costambar

The British Embassy Wants You to Know

Register with LOCATE athttps://www.locate.fco.gov.uk/locateportal/

An Irishman and an American were sitting in thebar at Shannon Airport.

"I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman."He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time.It's his first trip home in forty years".

"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked theAmerican."I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he'sbeen away for a long time".

"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American."Of course he will," said the Irishman. "Sure, an' Ihaven't been away at all".

Can an atheist get insuranceagainst acts of God?

Murphy told Quinnthat his wife was

driving him to drink.Quinn thinks Murphy’svery lucky because hisown wife makes him

walk !!

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to in-crease his sales. So, he put up a sign that read, 'FreeSex with Fill-Up.'Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for hisfree sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You wereclose. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulledin for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.The proprietor again gave him the same story, andasked him to guess the correct number. Paddyguessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'Ithink that game is rigged and he doesn't really giveaway free sex.'Paddy replied, 'No it ain't, Mick. It's not rigged at all atall. My wife won twice last week.'

Costambar Monthly page 7

Order YourHeath Insurance Now!

RD$600Includes Dental

(with Drugs RD$760)

FOR DETAILED INFORMATION

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple'shouse, and after eating, the wives left the tableand went into the kitchen.The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Lastnight we went out to a new restaurant and it wasreally great. I would recommend it very highly.'The other man said, 'What is t he name of therestaurant?'The first man thought and thought and finally said,'What is the name of that flower you give tosomeone you love? You know... The one that's redand has thorns.''Do you mean a rose?''Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He thenturned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose,what's the name of that restaurant we went to lastnight?'

If someone with multiplepersonalities threatens to kill

himself, is it considereda hostage situation?

Lucy’s

This is a quick story, allegedly true, and might helpto confirm your belief in the goodness of peopleand that there is hope for the human race.A young family moved into a house next door toan empty plot. One day, a gang of building workersturned up to start building on the plot.The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturallytook an interest in all the activity going on nextdoor and started talking with the workers. Shehung around and eventually the builders, all withhearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girlas a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her,let her sit with them while they had tea and lunchbreaks, and gave her little jobs to do here andthere to make her feel important. They even gavethe child her very own hard hat and gloves, whichthrilled her immensely.At the end of the first week, the smiling builderspresented her with a pay envelope containing twopounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay'home to her mother who suggested that they takethe money to the bank the next day to open a sav-ings account.At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pinklistening to the little girl telling her about her'work' on the building site and the fact she had a'pay packet'."You must have worked very hard to earn all this",said the cashier.The little girl proudly replied, "Yes, I worked everyday with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're build-ing a big house."

"My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "And willyou be working on the house again next week?"The child thought for a moment. Then she said:"I think so. Provided those wankers at Jewsonsdeliver the f***ing bricks."

Costambar Monthly page 8

VIVERO!!!PLANT

Open to the PublicOpen to the PublicAll Types of

Palms, Flowering & Foliage PlantsLandscaping & Garden Maintenance

Services AvailableBEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COASTOpen Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm

And By AppointmentCall George (Lettuce)

809-543-8041Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert

(In front of PARADA DINAMICA)“Just past the fish places”

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other dayand called the Editorial Room and asked whowrote this. It took two or three readings beforethe editor realized that what he was reading wasimpossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

No crap, really? Ya think?

Now that's taking things a bit far!

What a guy!

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

I can see where it might have that effect!

Ya think?!

Who would have thought!

They may be on to something!

You mean there's something stronger than ducttape?

He probably IS the battery charge!

Weren't they fat enough?!

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Do they taste like chicken?

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

Boy, are they tall!AND THE WINNER IS....

Did I read that right?

A plane is on its way to Toronto , when a blonde in economyclass gets up and moves to the first class section and sitsdown.The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see herticket.She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, andthat she will have to sit in the back.The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to To-ronto, and I'm staying right here'.The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilotand the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in firstclass that belongs inEconomy, and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goesback to the blonde and tries to explain that because she onlypaid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to To-ronto , and I'm staying right here'.The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have thepolice waiting when they land to arrest this blonde womanwho won't listen to reason.The pilot says, 'You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, I'mmarried to a blonde. I speak blonde'.He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and shesays, 'Oh, I'm sorry,' and gets up and goes back to her seat ineconomy..The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked himwhat he said to make her move without any fuss.'I told her, first class isn't going to Toronto.’.

Costambar Monthly page 9

Police Office 809-320-8510

Police Car 809-320-8840

APC Office 809-970-7877

APC Gate Security 809-970-7015

Codetel 809-220-1111

Edenorte - emergency 809-261-1844

Edenorte - office 809-586-9823

Costambar Taxi Stand 809-970-7318

Canada 809-586-5761

Britain 809-586-4244

U.S.A. 809-586-4204

German 809-586-6995

Italian 809-320-7601

Clinica Bournigal 809-586-2342

Clinica Brugal 809-586-2519

Los Tropicos Pharmacy 809-970-7607

12 CNN 51 CINE CANAL

22 FOX SPORT 56 SPEED

28 BOOMERANG 57 ANIMAL PLANET

30 ABC 64 SCI-FI

31 NBC 66 FOOD

32 CBS 69 DISCOVERY KIDS

33 TBS 70 WEATHER

34 CNBC 71 CINEMAX

35 ESPN-1 72 SHOWTIME

36 WGN 74 STARZ

37 CDN 79 NASA

40 TNT 80 JETIX

42 USA 81 CARTOON

43 ESPN-2 83 TNT LA

44 DISCOVERY 84 HISTORY

46 DISNEY 85 THE FILM ZONE

49 HBO

Costambar Monthly page 10

SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 14SUDOKU PUZZLESFill in the missing numbers so every row, column andquadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

WORD SEARCHMOVIE ACTRESSES

Costambar Monthly page 11

JENNY’S MARKETEverything You Need

At Good Prices!Open 8:00am to 9:30pm daily

Calle Principal, CostambarTel: 809-970-3028

At the height of the gulf wars, the expertise of RedAdair (that well known fire fighter) was called up-on to go out to the gulf and put out the oil rig fires.On his way his plane landed in Ireland for an over-night stop so Red took advantage to visit the localbar for a pint of the black stuff. On entering thebar two old Irish boys witnessed him walk in andone said to the other. 'Isn't that Red Adair'? Theother replied, 'No'.The old boy then said, 'I'm sure it is and I'm so surethat I will bet you a pint if I am wrong'. The doubt-ing one said, 'Ok' and they both went over to Redand the one said, 'Are you Red Adair'? To whichRed said he was.The doubting Irishman said, 'Are you still dancingwith Ginger Rogers'?

Two medical students were walking along thestreet when they saw an old man walking with hislegs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walkingslowly.One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poorold man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walkjust like that."The other student says: "No, I don't think so. Theold man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walksslowly and his legs are apart just as we learned inclass."Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask theold man. They approached him and one of the stu-dents said to him:

"We're medical students and couldn't help but no-tice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree onthe syndrome you might have. Could you tell uswhat it is?"The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell mewhat you two fine medical students think."The first student said, "I think its Peltry Syndrome."The old man said, "You thought....... But you arewrong."The other student said, "I think you have ZovitzkiSyndrome."The old man said, "You thought....... But you arewrong."So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do youhave?"The old man said, "I thought it was a Fart........But I was wrong, too!"

Costambar Monthly page 12

AVAILABLE FORWeddings, Birthdays,Self Improvement Or

Church Groups.We cater or bring your own food.

Ask about special rates forcharitable events.

A beautiful, tranquil, private andcontrolled setting.

LOOK FOR CLASSES INMeditation and Yoga.Come work out with

Raquetball,Handball

and Wallyball.

Wireless InternetBig Screen Movies and Concerts

LUXURY VILLA RENTAL AT LOASE VILLA BY THE WEEKwww.loasevilla.com

Call Jose for Info809-837-6845 or 809-970-7861www.loase.com

jose@loase.com

LoaseVilla

Here's something to think about.?I recently picked a new primary care doctor. Af-ter two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said Iwas doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned60)A little concerned about that comment, I couldn'tresist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beeror wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks andbarbecued ribs?"I said, "Not much... my former doctor said that allred meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playinggolf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling"?

"No, I don't," I said.He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, orhave a lot of sex?"

"No," I said.He looked at me and said,

"Then, why do you even give a shit"?

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given threetasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him.To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.Realizing his employer won’t be best pleasedhe disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, aslions will eat anything.Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimphouse, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him withcoconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spadekilling them both. What can he do? Feed them to thelions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything.He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.He moves on to the last job which is to collect honeyfrom the South American Bees. As soon as he startshe is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade andsmashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what todo and throws them into the lions cage because lionseat anything.Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. Hewanders up to another lion and says "What's the foodlike here?"The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fishand Chimps with Mushy Bees!

Costambar Monthly page 13

UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

‘TEXAS BOBBY’ RUDD!!

NEW DAYS & HOURSOF OPERATION

Open DailyFrom 8am til You Gotta Go

(Or till we’ve had it!)

For information about daily specials and special eventsSend us an email to be added to our mailing list!

FEATURING TEX MEX!PLUS

OTHER NEW & OLDFAVOURITES!!

WATCH FOR OURNEW SATELLITE TVWITH ALL YOUR

FAVOURITE SPORTS!! OPENALL DAY

FORBREAKFAST!!

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SUNDAYSBBQ RIBS OR CHICKEN!WITH BBQ BEANS &

POTATO SALAD!2PM-8PM

WiFi STILL FREE!!(preferably with purchase)

HI-SPEED INTERNETAT REASONABLE RATES!

The bandage was around theThe farm was used to .The dump was so full that it had to more

.We must the furniture.He could if he would get the out.The soldier decided to his post in theSince there is no time like the , he thought itwas time to theA was painted on the head of the drum.When shot at, the into the bushes.I did not to theThe insurance was for theThere was a among the oarsmen about how to

They were too to the door to it.The buck funny things when the are pres-ent.A seamstress and a fell down into a line.To help with planting, the farmer taught his to

The was too strong to the sailUpon seeing the in the painting I shed aI had to the to a series of tests.How can I this to my most friend?

My memory's not as sharpas it used to be.

Also, my memory's not assharp as it used to be.

Wide selection of Popular Novels,Children’s Books & Guidebooks

MENTION THIS AD & RECEIVE A FREERACHEL RAY COOKBOOK WITH A RD$500 PURCHASE!

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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor toget a physical.A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walkingdown the street with a gorgeous young woman onhis arm.A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morrisand said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Geta hot mamma and be cheerful.''The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You'vegot a heart murmur; be careful'

Costambar Monthly page 14

BEGINNER INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MOVIE TITLEThe Silence of theLambs

OPEN DAILY9AM-11PM

CALL FOR DELIVERY809-720-7583

OUR TASTY MENUMEAT DISHESChicken Breast

Chicken NuggetsPork Filet

Spicy WingsSpicy Goat

Grilled Pork ChopsPepper Steak

PASTA DISHESSpaghetti BologneseSpaghetti CarbonaraSeafood Spaghetti

SEAFOOD DISHESGrilled Sea Bass

Fried FishGrilled LobsterShrimp Creole

A Canadian woman married a Dominican gentle-man and they lived in Puerto Plata.The poor lady was not very proficient in Spanish,but did manage to communicate with her husband.The real problem arose whenever she had to shopfor groceries.One day, she went to the butcher and wanted tobuy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put for-ward her request, and in desperation, clucked like achicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.Her butcher got the message, and gave her thechicken legs.Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, againshe didn't know how to say it, and so she cluckedlike a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to showthe butcher her breasts.The butcher understood again, and gave her somechicken breasts.On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sau-sages.Unable to find a way to communicate this, shebrought her husband to the store...What were you thinking?Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!

Costambar Monthly page 15

marvellousmargaritas!

burritos!

fa itas!j

cold beer!!!open

12pm daily

greatcean views!

o

tacos!

try out

specials!

1 Blaming your farts on me..... Not funny... Not fun-ny at all !!!

2 Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG

3 Taking me for a walk, then not letting me checkstuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4 Any trick that involves balancing food on mynose. Stop it!

5 Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Nowyou know why we chew your stuff up when you'renot home.

6 The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooleda dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud momentfor the top of the food chain.

7 Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then act-ing surprised when I freak out every time we goback!

8 Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of yourguests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered thathandshake thing yet.

9 Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed thefur?

10 How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look,we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

Now lay off me on these things. We both knowwho's boss here! You don't see me picking up yourpoop do you?

The Texan paid a visit to Galway, Ireland. He en-ters a pub and raises his voice to the crowd ofdrinkers. He shouts, 'I hear you Irish are a bunchof drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollarsto anybody in here who can drink 10 pints ofGuinness back to back.'The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan'soffer.Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirtyminutes later, he shows back up and taps the Tex-an on the shoulder. Is your bet still good?' asksPaddy.The Texan answers, 'Yes,' and he orders the bar-man to line up 10 pints of Guinness.Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer,drinking them all back to back.The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sitsdown in amazement. The Texan gives the Irish-man the $500 and asks, 'If ya don't mind measkin', where did you go for that 30 minutes youwere gone?'Paddy Murphy replies, 'Oh................... I had to go tothe pub down the street to see if I could do itfirst.'

Costambar Monthly page 16

IF YOU AREN’T ADVERTISING IN

Costambar MonthlyYOU AREN’T REACHING

THE PEOPLE YOU NEED TO!

AT THE LOCALWATERING HOLE!

AT THEIR FAVOURITEBEACH BAR!

AT THEAIRPORT!

AT THEBEACH!

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