costambar monthly january 2013

7/30/2019 Costambar Monthly January 2013

1/24

Yennys MarketLoase Resort/Sams BarCatamaran Beach BarBiekes BarHappy HippoEl CareySyls PlaceTaste RestaurantLas Rocas RestaurantCostambar CommunityCenter & Library

Supermercado TropicalRestaurant Chino

The Meeting PlacePuerto Plata Beach ResortBig Lees Beach Bar

Ocean World MarinaLa Tasca Los Dos

Los Tres Cocos

HERES TO 2013!!Its a brand new year! But how much will changehere on the North Coast? Probably not a lot.Power will be bad. Prices will go up. And everyday will be a glorious challenge. But one thing isfor sure - sights like these will be a dailyoccurrence!! Viva la Republica!!


2/24

Costambar Monthly page 2

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to trysomething different. Fine dining at its best! Call

809-993-4503 for details.

Sams Cafe at Loase Resort & Spa tempts youwith Fish & Chips and Chicken Curry Specials andAll Day Breakfast. They also offer a number ofactivities for your enjoyment. Join them SundayFebruary 3rd for Superbowl XLVII on their bigscreen TV!!

At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach youll findgreat food at great prices enjoyed with a million

dollar view! Every day they have PowerHour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Enjoy yourpower hour with a fresh pizza slice for only RD$50- starts daily from 6pm! They also hold a monthlyFlea Market on the last Saturday of every monthbeginning at 10am. No cost to vendors!

Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food onthe North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations- on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and callePrincipal in Cabarete.

The Meeting Place is back on winter hours andstarting this seasons program on January 12thwith a presentation at 3pm on Trujillo byCostambars own Raf Belliard. Then the Film Clubpresents First Position on January 19th at6:30pm and Sugar on January 26th at 3pm.Looking forward to the next month there will bean Open Forum about the plans for the cruise shipscoming to Maimon on February 2 at 3pm.

Big Lees Beach Bar on the Malecon has great

food deals at their Little Snack Shack! AmazingFish & Chips, big juicy burgers and yummysandwiches. Every Tuesday & Thursday enjoy acuba/santo libre for only RD$50 or Jose Cuervo foronly RD$100 and every Friday is Cheap Beer Day -Presidente RD$90 & Bohemia RD$80!!

Biekes Bar - the first bar in & the last bar out ofCostambar! Drop by Saturdays for CostambarsBest Burger! Sundays you can get a chili dog forRD$60 and throw some horseshoes! Check out the

blackboards for brunch and evening food specialsduring the week!

Happy Hippo starts the New Year with live musicwith Retah B on Wednesday January 2nd startingat 2pm. Then Sunday January 13th at 3pm itsKaraoke Jepols. And Saturday January 26th at 3pmis live music with Melky!

Puerto Plata Beach Club, the newest communityfor foreign residents, offers all expats theopportunity to use their facilities. Or why notspend the day at their large swimming pool foronly RD$200? They will also make their facilitiesavailable for activities such as playing cards,chess, BBQs, yoga or exercise classes, meetingsor whatever else North Coast expats enjoy doing.They now offer a spa, bar and cafeteria for yourenjoyment.

Las Tasca Los Dos in Villas Cofresi is back againwith all your favourite Austrian and InternationalSpecialties! Karaoke on Fridays at 8pm!!

Syls Place has a great food special every day!Mondays - all things chili. Tuesday - soup andsandwich. Wednesday - varies. Friday - fish &chips/onion rings. Saturday - chicken dumplingstew. Sundays - beer butt chicken. All their greatfood can be delivered for free in Costambar! EveryThursday at 7:30pm they have Quiz Nite with adinner special. And every Saturday its Karaokeand a dinner special! They also have satelliteradio with some great oldies stations!

El Carey Restaurant - Rancho Tipico is open withnew owners Kevin & Patricia. They invite you toenjoy Dominican food inside, in their garden orunder parasols on the beach. They also offerburgers and pizza. The house specialty is garlicshrimp and you should try Kevins Mama Juana andpia coladas! Theyve got lots happening this

month. Every day from 7-8pm its Happy Hourwith 2X1 cuba/santo libres! Every Friday at 6pmyou can take Salsa lessons with professionaldancer Carlos! And every Sunday at 2pm isKaraoke with party maker Segundo! They wouldbe happy to host your next event.

Taste Restaurant in Los Mangos Golf Club has afull International menu serving breakfast, lunchand dinner with many healthy options available.


3/24


Happy Hour daily from 5-7pm with 2X1 cuba libresAND a free taste of their amazing sushi!!

Las Rocas Restaurant has been newly renovatedand reopened specializing in steaks andinternational fine food. They are offering 4chances to see an exclusive live concert byPascual Silva & Victoria - January 25th, February8th, February 22nd and March 15th!! All showsstart at 8pm. For reservations call 809-852-1015.

Feeling lucky? Ocean World Casino offers freetransportation and free drinks for players! Open3pm to 3am.

The official Grand Opening of the CostambarCommunity Center & Library will be held SundayJanuary 13th from 2-4pm!! It is located beside thefarmacia.

Full RD$300

Half RD$200

An old man and woman were married for manyyears, even though they didn't like each other.Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could

be heard deep into the night.The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig myway up and out of the grave and come back andhaunt you for the rest of your life!"Neighbors feared him.They believed he practiced magic because of themany strange occurrences that took place in theirneighborhood.The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Toeveryone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he

was 98.

His wife had a closed casket at the funeral.After the burial, she went straight to the local barand began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked"Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able todig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the

rest of your life?"The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig.

I had him buried upside down. And I know hewon't ask for directions."


4/24


Best Chinese Food On

the North Coast! Two

Great Locations! EatIn or Takeout!

Xiang Wan Jia

Plaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata

809-261-5609

Calle Principal, Cabarete

809-571-0385

INTERNATIONAL & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES!!!

Villas Cofresi

809-815-6838

Every Friday starting at 8pmKARAOKE!!!

TENNISVilla Jasmin Court

-

English & Spanish spokenGroup DoublesVery Reasonable PricesChildrens Groups

Costambar CommunityCenter & LibraryOpen 9am-5pm

Monday-Saturday

Located next tothe Farmacia(courtesy of Mark Gill)

Separate English &foreign language

book rooms

YOU ARE

INVITED

TO OUR

GRANDOPENING!

Sunday

January 13th

2pm to 4pm

I dont like to be the one to have to tell you thisSadie, but theres a rumour going around that your

husband Max is chasing women. And him over80!Yeah! So hes 82, so what? Let him chase girls.Dogs chase cars but when they catch one, can

they drive it?!

A yound Redneck came running into the store &said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole

your pickup truck from the parking lot!"Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got

the license number."


5/24


HES BACK AND HELL BE HERE SOON!!!

FRIDAY JANUARY 25thFRIDAY FEBRUARY 8th

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 22ndFRIDAY MARCH 15th

ALL SHOWS START

AT 8PM


6/24


WE WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY

& HEALTHY 2013!!

Calle Reina Isabel, Costambar, Puerto Plata

Spanish 809-918-1448 English 809-924-8233

CLOSED MONDAYS

El Carey

Restaurant - Rancho Tipico

Also available for parties, weddings, etc.

EVERY DAY 7-8pm!Happy Hour! 2X1 Cuba/Santo Libres

With Brugal blanco or anejoEVERY FRIDAY 6pm!

Salsa classes by professional dancer CarlosEVERY SUNDAY 2pm!

KARAOKE by party maker SegundoCLOSED January 1st & 2nd

INTERNATIONAL GOURMETCUIS INE

&

AUSTRIAN SPEC IALT IES

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic"& "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One smart-ass student

turned in the following book report, with theproposition that they were nearly identical storiesHis cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:..... $29.99

Clinton :..... $29.99Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to readClinton :..... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, theirforbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.Clinton :.... The story of Bill and Monica, their

forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:.... Jack is a starving artist.

Clinton :..... Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.Clinton :..... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress getsruined.Clinton :..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.

Clinton :..... Let's not go there.Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.Clinton :.....Monica' s forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of herlife.Clinton :..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full ofseamen.

Clinton :..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:.... Jack surrenders to an icy death.Clinton :..... Bill goes home to Hilary - basically thesame thing.


7/24


OPEN FROM

12 NOON

SATURDAYS

BIEKE BURGERS!!

SUNDAYS

RD$60 CHILI DOGS

& HORSESHOES

CHECK OUR BOARD

FOR

BRUNCH & EVENING

FOOD SPECIALS!

A couple was celebrating 50 years together. Theirthree kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sundaydinner in their honor."Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed sonnumber one, the doctor. 'Sorry I'm running late. Ihad an emergency at the hospital with a patient,you know how it is, and I didn't have time to getyou a gift.""Not to worry," said the father. "The importantthing is that we're all together today."

Son number two, the lawyer, arrived andannounced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I justflew in from Los Angeles between depositions anddidn't have time to shop for you.""It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you wereable to come."Just then the daughter, the executive, arrived."Hello and happy Anniversary! I'm sorry, but myboss is sending me out of town and I was reallybusy packing so I didn't have time to get you

anything."After they had finished dessert, the father said,"There's something your mother and I have wantedto tell you for a long time. You see, we were verypoor. Despite this, we were able to send each ofyou to college. Throughout the years your motherand I knew that we loved each other very much,but we just never found the time to get married."The three children gasped and all said, "You meanwe're all bastards?""Yep," said the father. "And cheap ones too."


8/24


Puerto Platas non-profit English

Bookstore and Resource Center

A PREVIEW OF THE JANUARY 2013 PROGRAM

Saturday January 12, at 3:00 PM. RAF BELLIARDPRESENTS: The Trujillo era: A narrated slideshow of the31 years of the bloodiest Caribbean dictatorship.

Saturday January 19, at 6:30 PM. The Film Club

presents: First Position (2011): A brilliant documentaryabout six young dancers in the monthsleading uptothetop international ballet competition.

Saturday January 26, at 3:00 PM. The Film Club presents:"Sugar" about young Dominicans whomake itto playPro baseball in the US. "An exceptionally-crafted film --part sports flick, part immigrant tale.

Saturday February 2 at 3:00 pm. OPEN FORUM. Anupdate on the planning for the cruise ships coming toMaimon. (More information to follow: MeetingplacePuertoPlata.com)

Winter hours

(as of January 3)

Tuesday to Friday

11- 5:30Saturday

11- 4

[email protected] 809-261-7393/829-455-6110Juan Bosch (JFK) 60 (2 blocks NE of Central Park, Bus B)

VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK

All Day Breakfast

Fish & Chips * Chicken Curry

Full Menu * Daily Specialty

Open Tues-Sat9am to 8:30pm

Sundays 9am to 6pm -

CLOSED Mondays

Racquetball, handball, wallyball, pool-billiards,Big Screen TV for sports, movies and concerts

Smoking and non-smoking areas


9/24


Golf ClubPresents

Our new restaurant!!

One day a little girl was sittingand watching her mother do thedishes at the kitchen sink. Shesuddenly noticed that her mother

had several strands of white hair

sticking out in contrast on herbrunette head.She looked at her mother andinquisitively asked, 'Why aresome of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, everytime that you do somethingwrong and make me cry orunhappy, one of my hairs turnswhite.'The little girl thought about this

revelation for a while and thensaid, 'Mummy, how come ALL ofgrandma's hairs are white?'

I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing

walking in ....I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I useto impress that lady over there?"The trainer looked me over and said, "I would recommend the ATMin the lobby."


10/24


MONDAYS!ALL THINGS CHILI!

TUESDAYS

SOUP AND SANDWICH

WEDNESDAY

VARIES

FRIDAYS!!!!

FISH & CHIPS/ONION RINGS!!!

SATURDAYS!

CHICKEN DUMPLING STEW!

SUNDAYS

BEER BUTT CHICKEN

809-848-9009

NEW ADVERTISING RATES

After almost 3 years, we decided it was timeto increase our advertising rates. Weve alwaysstrived to be the most economical place forour local businesses to advertise and even withthe increase we still are. But with the risingcost of almost everything in this country wewere losing ground rapidly. The rate increaseinsures that Costambar Monthly can continue.

One day a frog by the name of Miles Jagger walksinto a bank to apply for a one million dollar loan.

He walks up to a lovely bank teller by the name ofPatricia Whack and kindly asks for an application

for a loan. After reading through the completedform, Patricia asks Miles Jagger if he has anycollateral for such a big loan.

"My father is Mick Jagger, why on earth would Ineed any collateral?"."Its company policy. Im sorry" says Patty."Well all I have is this miniature sculpture I made

when I was 10" he says."I'm going to have to see the manager on this one"she replied.She walked up to the manager and says "Excuseme sir, there is a frog out there who says he isMick Jaggers son, and wants a one million dollarloan and gave me this 'thing' as collateral. What is

it?" she asked.The manager thought on it for a second and

replied "It's a knick knack Patty whack, give thefrog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone!!!!"


11/24


CONTRACTOR OFTHE MONTH AWARD!

Its that age old question -Which came first?

Sister Catherine and Sister Elizabeth are travellingthrough Europe in their car. They get toTransylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula

jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through

the windshield."Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "Whatshall we do?""Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get ridof the abomination," says Sister Elizabeth.Sister Catherine switches them on, knockingDracula about, but he clings on and continues

hissing at the nuns."What shall I do now?" she shouts."Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up

with Holy Water at the Vatican ," says SisterElizabeth.Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer.Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but

he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns."Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine."Show him your cross," says Sister Elizabeth."Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.She opens the window and shouts,"Hey you little jerk, get the f**k off the

windshield!"


12/24


JUST ARRIVED!

CLEAR FIBERGLASS

7 GALLON

PROPANE CYLINDER TANK

24 TALL & 12 DIAMETER

Always know how much gas

you have!Lighter than steel & rustproof!

ONLY RD$2500

CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819

CHARTS AVAILABLEGet your

nautical charts of theBahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands,

Providenciales and HispaniolaFrom

Rosa at Luperon Swap MeetWendys Bar in LuperonOcean World Marina in Cofresi

If you have difficulty callColin at 809-449-1819


13/24


SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13SUDOKU PUZZLES

Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and

quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

RESTAURANT

Across1. Of general appeal5. Excel6. Ring-shaped7. MisprintDown1. Section of text2. Spouse3. Pamphlet4. Dais

Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid.The remaining letters spell a hidden message

APERITIFAPPETIZER

BILL

BUSBOY

CASHIER

CHAIRS

CHEF

COFFEE

COOKS

CUPSCUSTOMER

DESSERT

DISHWASHERS

DRINKS

ENTREE

FORK

GLASSES

KNIFE

MANAGERMEAL

MENU

NAPKINS

ORDER

PLATES

SALAD

SAUCERS

SERVERS

SPOONTABLECLOTH

TABLES

TEA

TIP

WAITER

WAITRESS

WATER

WINE


14/24


Police Office 809-320-8510

Police Car 809-320-8840

APC Office 809-970-7877

APC Gate Security 809-970-7015

Codetel 809-220-1111

Edenorte - emergency 809-261-1844

Edenorte - office 809-586-9823

Costambar Taxi Stand 809-970-7318

Canada 809-586-5761Britain 809-586-4244

U.S.A. 809-586-4204

German 809-586-6995

Italian 809-320-7601

Clinica Bournigal 809-586-2342

Clinica Brugal 809-586-2519

Los Tropicos Pharmacy 809-970-7607

12 CNN 51 CINE CANAL

22 FOX SPORT 56 SPEED

28 BOOMERANG 57 ANIMAL PLANET

30 ABC 64 SCI-FI

31 NBC 66 FOOD

32 CBS 69 DISCOVERYKIDS

33 TBS 70 WEATHER

34 CNBC 71 CINEMAX

35 ESPN-1 72 SHOWTIME

36 WGN 74 STARZ

37 CDN 79 NASA

40 TNT 80 JETIX

42 USA 81 CARTOON

43 ESPN-2 83 TNT LA

44 DISCOVERY 84 HISTORY

46 DISNEY 85 THE FILM ZONE

49 HBO

LOCALSUSTAINABILITY

& ENVIRONMENTALINITIATIVE

PROJECTS INCLUDE:

Organic FarmingAquaponicsFish Farming (with ISA University)Community Cacao Nursery (with IDIAF)Conservation

The overall mission is to teach healthy,cost-effective alternatives which areenvironmentally sound.

Willard Taylor, who established this model farm,

has a background in psychology, human rightsand service and international missionary work.

Donations of funds and materials to help andexpand this initiative are greatly appreciated.

For more info email [email protected] call 829-663-3815Willard invites all calls, emails, visits orforms of investigation into his project.


15/24


BEGINNER INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGEReservation

WANT TO

CHANGE

SOMETHING

IN YOUR LIFE?

RAMILIFE

PROGRAM -

WAY TO

INNER

HAPPINESS &

HEALTHInfo: 809-710-1221

www.ramilife.com(read the guestbook)

There comes a time when a woman just has totrust her husband... for example...A wife comes home late at night and quietly opensthe door to her bedroom. From under the blanketshe sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for abaseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hardas she can. Once she's done, she goes to the

kitchen to have a drink.As she enters the kitchen, she sees her husbandthere, reading a magazine. "Hi Darling", he says,"Your parents have come to visit us, so I let themstay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?


16/24


Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology,

Acupressure, & Hot StonePhysical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic Drainage

Manicure & Pedicure: Regular & Intensive

Braids & Hair Extensions & Mens Haircuts

Facials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse Services

Natural Health & Beauty Products

ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS.Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointmentService to the hom e. Transportation available.#14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

RD$1230 Includes DentalRD$1480 with Drugs

(January payment with depositsRD$1780/RD$2060)

Aquacero, Malecon, Puerto Plata 5pm

Biekes Bar, Costambar 6:30pm

Or call Petra & Marcel Bahr

1-809-885-2155

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have beenwith a loose girl.'The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?''Yes, Father, it is.''And who was the girl you were with?''I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her

reputation.'

'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner orlater so you may as well tell me now. Was it TinaMinetti?''I cannot say.''Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?''I'll never tell.''Was it Nina Capelli?''I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.''Was it Cathy Piriano?''My lips are sealed.''Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tightlipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and

have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy nowfor 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Francoslides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?''Four months vacation and five good leads...'

During a weekly church meeting, a friend of minewas scheduled to read a list of people who hadasked to be included in the congregation's prayers.Since another church member, Bonnie, hadmentioned that she and her husband werestruggling with a big decision on whether theyshould become missionaries, my friend offered toinclude them on the prayer list.So at the meeting, my friend announced in front of

the whole congregation, "Let's all pray that Bonnieand Lee can make a decision about the missionary

position."


17/24


I was walking down the street when I wasaccosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for acouple of dollars for dinner.I took out my purse, got out ten dollars andasked, 'If I give you this money, will you buywine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', thehomeless woman told me.'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buyingfood?' I asked.'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homelesswoman said. 'I need to spend all my time tryingto stay alive.''Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead offood?' I asked.'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman.. Ihaven't had my hair done in 20 years!''Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money.Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner withmy husband and me tonight.'The homeless woman was shocked .. 'Won't yourhusband be furious with you for doing that? Iknow I'm dirty, and I probably smell prettydisgusting...'I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to seewhat a woman looks like after she has given upshopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

Male or Female? You might not have known this,but a lot of non-living objects are actually eithermale or female. Here are some examples:

: They are male, because they holdeverything in, but you can see right through them.

: These are female, because onceturned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.They are an effective reproductive device if the

right buttons are pushed, but can also wreakhavoc if you push the wrong buttons.

: Tires are male, because they go bald easilyand are often over inflated.: Also a male object, because

to get them to go anywhere, you have to light afire under their butt.

: These are female, because they are soft,squeezable and retain water.

: Female, because they're constantlybeing looked at and frequently getting hit on.

: Definitely male, because they always usethe same old lines for picking up people.

: Egg timers are female because, overtime, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

: Male, because in the last 5000 years,they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionallyhandy to have around.

: Female. Ha! You probablythought it would be male, but consider this: Iteasily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it,and while he doesn't always know which buttons

to push, he just keeps trying.


18/24


Made to Measure CurtainsPatio Furniture Recovery

& much moreFree Estimates Quick Return

[email protected] 809-712-4911

BASIC PROPERTY SERVICES

COSTAMBAR

Experienced Dependable Trustworthy

Plumbing, Electrical, Roofing, Painting

& General Maintenance

US Quality at Reasonable Rates

FOR A FREE ESTIMATECALL JEREMIAH AT 829-397-2772

A while ago a new supermarket opened inPuerto Plata.

It has an automatic water mister to keep theproduce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hearthe sound of distant thunder and the smell offresh rain.When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows

mooing and you experience the scent of freshmown hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma ofcharcoal-grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hearhens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled withthe pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.The bread department features the tantalizingsmell of fresh-baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloadinggarbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. TheSheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in

the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over yourhead.""Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here,'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "


19/24


ENGLISH CLASSESCostambar & Cofresi Children & Adults

Taught in your own homeReasonable rates

Canadian with teaching experiencein private school system, Puerto Plata

809-970-7123 or 1-809-654-7165

For Any Event Of Your ChoiceWith Animation in

English, Spanish, German and French

Lyrics in 7 LanguagesInternational Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172Email [email protected]

SOUND RENTAL

Ray feared his wife Sandra wasn't hearing as wellas she used to and he thought she might need a

hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her,he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test

the husband could perform to give the Doctor abetter idea about her hearing loss.'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about12 meters away from her, and in a normalconversational speaking tone see if she hears

you. If not, go to 9 meters, then 6 meters, and soon until you get a response. That evening, the wifeis in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in theden. He says to himself, 'I'm about 12 meters away,let's see what happens. Then in a normal tone heasks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'No response. So the husband moves closer to the

kitchen, about 9 meters from his wife and repeats,

'Sandra, what's for dinner?'Still no response. Next he moves into the diningroom where he is about 6 meters from hiswife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Againhe gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchendoor, about 3 meters away. 'Honey, what's fordinner?'

Again there is no response. So he walks right upbehind her. 'Sandra, what's for dinner?''For heavens sake, Ray, for the FIFTH time,CHICKEN!'

YOU KNOW YOUVE LIVED HERE TOO LONG

WHEN EVERY CEREAL IS NOW..


20/24


GREEN THUMBLandscaping and Gardening Maintenance Services

Palms, Flowering and Foliage PlantsBEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST!!!

OPEN

Monday to Friday 8am-5pmSaturday 8am-noon

George Roesch

809-543-8041 Km 11Carretera PP-ImbertJust past

The Fish Places


21/24


Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be

placed by emailing [email protected]

Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820

PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items.Commercial properties or enterprises (including real

estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will

usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise

notified.

IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you toservices every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in

Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar GateSecurity, turn on the right side toward the powerplant, 100 meters on the right side.

FOR SALE

Ford F-150 V-8 4.6l runs on

gasoline but has gas installed,

year '98, engine 2007,

very well taken care of byowner!!

Also known as "the big yellow

monster"

$13,000usd obo!!

Call Vik 829 864 9420

LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR

USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN

WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBARS FLEA MARKET AT THE

CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF

THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!

CLASSIFIEDS

FOR SALE

Honda CRV 2000 for

RD$255,000 Diane & Victor

Call 809 261 3795

FOR SALE

Generator HONDA 3KW. 1.5

years old. RD$28,000

Whirlpool semi prof. electronic

gas stove, 1.5 years old,

RD$15,000

Chevrolet Cobalt LS 2006, Gray,imported July/2012

RD$240,000

Reason: leaving the country.

[email protected]

809 751 5246

FOR SALE

Due to closure various

motorcycle and scooter parts

to sell. Whole inventory at cost

is $400,000. pesos.

Now selling for $200,000.

pesos. Please call Rachel cel:

829-324-3204

FOR SALE

TENDER: 2007 Caribe 11ft

hard bottom inflatable with2007 25hp Yamaha 2-stroke

(recent tune up starts ease &

runs good). Great run-around

boat! Asking $4,600 u.s.d. Ph.#

829-902-1234

FOR SALE

Assorted packaging materials.

Cheap. Call 809-244-4432

FOR SALE

1991 Ford Escort, Automatic, 4

door hatchback, runs well,

good on gas. Original

Marticula, 809-543-0728,[email protected]

FOR SALE

Skoda, 2000, well-running

small car.

Various tools and equipment

including small compressor,

and water pressure cleaning

machine. Call cel 809-451-5379

FOR SALE

Laptop, Dell Vostro 1510,

15.6, core duo 1.8ghz, ram

2.00gb, HDD 160 GO

RD$12,000

Call 829-705-0044

FOR SALE

kitchen mixer, two bowls,mixing blades and dough

hooks, built in weigh scale

$1500RD

Electric knife, Black & Decker,

never used $600RD

Small GE microwave oven

$1500RD

809-970-7123 or 1-809-654-

7165 (English only)


22/24


Was USD 235,000, Now 195,000.Call owner (809) 399-4187 for 9 page documentwith description and photos,

or e-mail [email protected]

Happiest, breezy and private living

assured and apartment income possible

Large, Luxuriously Furnished House

For Sale or Rent

Panoramic Ocean View from

Perfect Distance and Altitude

www.CaonaboEnterprises.comYour new life In the Dominican Republic STARTS HEREWe build houses, we rent houses, we sell houses!

Check out our extensive listings and give us a call.

for English, call Mike @809 571-1741

for Spanish, call Sofia @829 421-8575

for German/French, call Francisco @829 421-8579

Renovated 3 bedroom 3 bath contemporary ranch

w/screened front patio area.

2 studio rentals.

Spacious open living and dining areas.

Master bedroom with 2 wall to wall closets.

Mechanically updated with inverter (8 battery

system), 2 separate electric meters, well and more.

Stone front patio plus a very private and tranquil

garden area.

FOR SALE

Contact

Annette

809-

869-

0054

US$265,000

Two patients limp into two different medicalclinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble

walking & appear to require a hip replacement.The 1st patient is examined within the hour, is x-

rayed the same day & has a time booked forsurgery the following week.The 2nd sees his family doctor. After waiting a

week for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks tosee a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't

reviewed for another week, & finally has hissurgery scheduled for 6 weeks from then.

Why the different treatment for the 2 patients?The 1st is a Golden Retriever.The 2nd is a Senior Citizen.

A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving hisSunday sermon when a note was passed to him.The only word written on the sheet was IDIOT.

Looking up at the congregation, the preachersmiled and said: I have heard of men who write aletter and forget to sign their name but this is the

first time Ive seen a man sign his name and forgetto write the letter.

TRITON I APARTMENT FOR SALE

One of the best views of the beach in Costambar!First floor2bdrm, 2bathNew windows anda new porch

Call 809-868-0273


23/24


POLINATURA SHOP

POLIPLAZA PUERTO PLATA

In front of the free zone

Puerto Plata-Santiago highway

809-465-4946/809-979-3116

#1 STORE FOR NATURAL PRODUCTS,

VITAMINS & MINERALS, HERBS AND HONEY*Antioxidant/Anti-Inflammatory Omega 3.6.7 & Omega

3,6,9 formula*Prostate & Colon Cleanser

*Beauty from the inside out! Super Collagen 1&3 for

structural support of hair, skin, nails, tendons, ligaments,

bones, muscles & weight control

*Anti-aging - CoQ10 Ubiquinol , Collagen 1&2 (redefining

the aging process) in a honey base

*DHEA 5,10,25&50mg

*Melatonin 1,2&3mg

*Premium honey, bee pollen, propolis, royal jelly fresh &

powder

*Bone & joint health - Glucosamine and MSM*Hyaluronic acid*Boswellia*Chondroitin*Celadrin

*Viagra natural for men & women

*Sport Nutrition - high performance muscle mass

Creatine 3.56lb and Super Advanced Whey Protein 2lb

and much more

*Sulphur (MSM) - the mineral that helps fight fatigue,

stress, pain, cancer, wrinkles, muscle cramps, supports

joints, cartilage, tendons, ligaments, skin & nails.

Neutralizes inflammation and is a super antioxidant (1000

& 1500 mg)


24/24


Feel the Breeze - Feel Freeand Safe

Come Be Part of a New Community for Foreign Residents!

Our Best OfferAcceptance fee of US$225

- 6 months prepaid: US$1350

- next 6 months US$225 per month

- no A/C, furniture available

- penthouse apt. with

cathedral ceilings US$229

- offer valid until March 31, 2013

Monthly Payment OptionApartments available from

US$299 per month

Luxury Ocean View apartments

from US$400US-$1100 per month

- furnished or bring your own

- with or without A/C

Hotel Rooms

from US$69 per room per night

24 hour electricity and security

50% discount for residents

family and friends

A ONE OF A KIND LIFESTYLE

On The Malecon in Puerto Plata

Bar - Spa - Cafeteria

Puerto Plata Beach Club

809-586-4243

www.puertoplatabeachclub.com

Email [email protected]

Twitter: @ppbeachclub

costambar monthly january 2013

Documents