costambar monthly may 2011

16
What To Do This Month Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!! May 2011 - They walk among us - but their knuckles probably drag on the ground! Page 6 - Money saving confessions! - CM uncovers oceans of knowledge! Page 13 - The morning after! Yennys Market Loase Resort The Catamaran Bar R&B Bakery The Restaurant Pascual Fast Food Estrella Restaurant & Beach Bar Supermercado Tropical Sam’s Bar & Grill Los Tres Cocos TRAFFIC WOES COULD BE RESOLVED Rising fuel prices may be a dark cloud with a silver lining! It seems that the Dominican Republic has just now realized what so many of us have known for years. It’s chaos out there on the roads of this country. Most of us feel we are putting our lives at risk just going to the grocery store. Recently, numerous reports have surfaced detailing the problems on Dominican road- ways. From the fact that most Dominican drivers are unlicensed to the admission by drivers that they blatantly and knowingly violate the rules of the road and the realization that the hundreds of thousands of tickets and fines issued yearly apparently in no way impedes these actions. None of this is a shock to anyone who lives or drives here. But a solution may be at hand! Weekly spikes in fuel prices may, with luck, lead to reduced vehicles on the road. Of course, if the prices get much higher, most of us won’t be able to afford to drive far. Maybe we can turn the roads into pedes- trian walkways. Let’s face it - you can get a decent pair of walking shoes for the price of just one gallon of gas these days!

Upload: costambarmonthly

Post on 29-Nov-2014

565 views

Category:

Documents


2 download

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: Costambar Monthly May 2011

What To Do This MonthUseful Telephone Numbers

Classified AdsCostambar Cable Channel Listing

The Rainy Day PageAnd Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

May 2011

- They walk among us - but their knucklesprobably drag on the ground!Page 6 - Money saving confessions!

- CM uncovers oceans of knowledge!Page 13 - The morning after!

Yennys MarketLoase Resort

The Catamaran BarR&B Bakery

The RestaurantPascual Fast Food

Estrella Restaurant & Beach Bar

Supermercado TropicalSam’s Bar & Grill

Los Tres Cocos

TRAFFIC WOES COULD BE RESOLVEDRising fuel prices may be a dark cloud with asilver lining!It seems that the Dominican Republic hasjust now realized what so many of us haveknown for years. It’s chaos out there on theroads of this country. Most of us feel we areputting our lives at risk just going to thegrocery store.Recently, numerous reports have surfaceddetailing the problems on Dominican road-ways. From the fact that most Dominicandrivers are unlicensed to the admission bydrivers that they blatantly and knowinglyviolate the rules of the road and therealization that the hundreds of thousands oftickets and fines issued yearly apparently inno way impedes these actions.None of this is a shock to anyone who lives ordrives here.But a solution may be at hand!Weekly spikes in fuel prices may, with luck,lead to reduced vehicles on the road.Of course, if the prices get much higher,most of us won’t be able to afford to drivefar. Maybe we can turn the roads into pedes-trian walkways. Let’s face it - you can get adecent pair of walking shoes for the price ofjust one gallon of gas these days!

Page 2: Costambar Monthly May 2011

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to trysomething different. Like Australian Lamb,Imperial Duck Breast or French Lamb Rack - justto name a few. Call 809-993-4503 for details.

Loase Resort is available for weddings,birthdays, spiritual or self improvement groups.Look for classes in meditation and yoga orworkout with racquetball, handball or wallyball.Wireless internet, big screen movies andconcerts.

Sam’s Bar & Grill still serves a great valuebreakfast and quite possibly the best Fish ‘N’Chips in the world! Hanky Panky celebrates his84th birthday on May 27th with a free buffet &other entertainment. New menu coming thismonth! Check the chalkboard for daily specials!The place for good food, good friends and goodfun!

At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you’llfind great food at great prices enjoyed with amillion dollar view! Help Paul & Belgicacelebrate their 2nd wedding anniversary on May16th - live music & onion bahcey. They also holda monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday ofevery month beginning at 10am. No cost tovendors! Like they say - your trash could besomeone else’s treasure!

Opening May 5th in Costambar is The Restaurant.Mark & Louise invite you to join them for home-cooked food prepared fresh daily. Happy Hourfrom 4-7pm. Louise’s Fish & Chips on Mondays.Closed Tuesdays.

R&B German Bakery offers the best ‘all day’breakfast in town! While there check out theirfreshly baked breads, different meals anddelicious desserts. Gourmet German FoodProducts!! Wireless internet!

Pascual’s Fast Food on Costambar Beachspecializes in seafood from their live lobstertank. Also available for parties and events!

Estrella del Mar Restaurant & Beach Bar inCostambar is a family run business with the bestfood on the beach! Pass by and say hi to chefsClara & Domingo.

Rick’s Cafe in Atlantic One has a great HappyHour daily from 4-7pm! They also offer lightbreakfasts, tasty pasta dishes and freshsandwiches.

Why not check out Agua Zohreh, the new watercompany just outside Costambar entrance, andsee how they produce natural water with all theminerals? Call 809-970-3300 for more informa-tion and to find out how you can get this healthi-er water delivered to your door.

SAY YOUSAW IT IN

COSTAMBAR

MONTHLY!

COSTAMBAR MONTHLY

Contact UsTel: 809-970-7507Cell: 809-449-1820

Email:costambarmonthly

@yahoo.ca

PLEASE NOTE - No new ads or changes will beaccepted within 4 days of the end of the month.

www.costambarmonthly.comThis Month's Newfie joke...Rick met George in the street and said, 'George,will you draw your bedroom curtains beforemaking love to your wife in future?''Bejaysus Why?' George asked.'Because,' said Rick, 'The whole street was laugh-ing when they saw you and your missus makinglove yesterday.'George said, 'Stupid idiots, the laugh's on them ...I wasn't even home yesterday.'

Page 3: Costambar Monthly May 2011

CLASSIFIEDSLIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FORGREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OFYOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECKOUT COSTAMBAR’S NEW FLEA MARKET AT THECATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LASTSATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM!FREE TO VENDORS!!!

FOR SALE33foot sailboat, Glander Tavana class yawl, goodcondition/ minor work needed, less than 1500 hours onnew 20 horse Kuboto engine and trans. A MUST SEE!Located in Luperon bay.Call Sean @ (808) 782-2534. Any reasonable offeraccepted.

FOR SALELG 20 inch TV Multi-voltage, multi-system. Good condi-tion. RD$4,000 Call 809-449-1819

FOR SALECasio stainless steel mans watch. Many functions andmoon phase /tide graph Brand new in box RD$1,500Call 809-449-1819

Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only beplaced by emailing [email protected] calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personalitems. Commercial properties or enterprises (includingreal estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad.Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unlesswe are otherwise notified.

FOR SALEOne on demand hot water shower with hose. Comes with50 feet of electical wire and 50 amp fuse all you needfor a hot shower when ever there is eletricity. cost over2000 peso's and is only 3 months old 1200 peso's orbest offer. Call Tom at 829-934-4619

FREEA quantity of plant chemicals and nutrients, plus pots andcanes. Free. Call 809-216-3152

FOR SALEPool/Jacuzzi Heater. StaRite 400K BTU Maxi-Thermpropane heater. Recently rebuilt and overhauled includ-ing a new heat exchanger that cost $RD40,000. Costnew was $RD130,000. Asking $RD75,000 OBO. This is areal bargain! Please call 809-970-3268 Costambar

FOR SALESmall microwave for sale, as new condition. RD$2,000Chest freezer, as new RD$10,000DVD player, new in box RD$1,500Call 809-449-1819

FOR SALE1 whirlpool air conditioner (floor unit) 12,000 BTU. Thisunit is like new, used for 1 month. Has two remotes, in-structions and window kit. $450.00.Also: 1 sharp carousel microwave. Asking $135.00You may call at 809-261-5336 to get more information.

WANTEDHouse-sitting position. Romanian journalist working in DR.42yrs old. Speak Spanish,French,English. Non-smoker.Will house-sit your residence or business in return forplace to sleep,cook & work 'on-line'.Local referencesavailable. Call Daniel, 829-279-8437

FOR SALEBBQ, custom made, heavy duty.Call 829-962-9690

FOR SALE15HP Johnson outboard motor. Short shaft,good runner,US$800 Call 809-449-1819

SAY YOUSAW IT IN

COSTAMBAR

MONTHLY!

Page 4: Costambar Monthly May 2011

FOR SALE

Apartments for RentLong and Short Term

Special Offers AvailableFor Long Term Rentals!

Just ask Max!

Office 809-970-7312Cell 809-251-8679

Visit our website www.villasfelipe.com

THEY WALK AMONG US!

One day I was walking down the beach with somefriends when one of them shouted, '"Look at thatdead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky andsaid, "Where?"

While looking at a house, my brother asked thereal estate agent which direction was north be-cause, he explained, he didn't want the sun wakinghim up every morning. She asked, "Does the sunrise in the North?" When my brother explainedthat the sun rises in the East, and has for some-time, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keepup with all that stuff."

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 callcenter. One day I got a call from an individual whoasked what hours the call center was open. I toldhim, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours aday, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that East-ern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quick-ly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designedto cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. Shekeeps it in the trunk.

My friends and I went out to buy beer and noticedthat the cases were discounted 10%. Since it wasa big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashiermultiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% dis-count.

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggagearea, so I went to the lost luggage office and toldthe woman there that my bags never showed up.She smiled and told me not to worry because shewas a trained professional and I was in goodhands. "Now," she asked me, "has your planearrived yet?"

While working at a pizza place, I observed a manordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to bealone and the cook asked him if he would like itcut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it forsome time before responding. "Just cut it into 4pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6pieces."

Page 5: Costambar Monthly May 2011

Karaoke TropicalFor Any Event Of Your Choice

With Animation inEnglish, Spanish, German and French

Songs in 7 LanguagesInternational Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172Email [email protected]

NEW IN PUERTO PLATA!

Carretera Manolo Tavarez Justo Puerto Plata(Across from Texaco)

Fast & Economical!Great Results!

Complete Cleaning Inside & Out!

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer)could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinari-an.The vet found that the problem was hair in thedog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog couldthen hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tellAndrea that, if she wanted to keep this fromrecurring, she should go to the store and get some

"Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's earsonce a month.Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair"hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist toldher, "If you're going to use this under your arms,don't use deodorant for a few days."Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs,don't use body lotion for a couple of days."Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either.If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicyclefor about a week."

Tony was 9 years old and was staying with hisgrandmother for a few days. He'd been playing out-side with the other kids, when he came into thehouse and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that calledwhen two people sleep in the same bedroom andone is on top of the other?'She was a little taken aback, but she decided totell him the truth. 'Well, dear, it's called

.’‘Oh,’ Little Tony said, 'OK,' and went back outsideto play with the other kids.A few minutes later he came back in and said angri-ly, 'Grandma it called sexual intercourse. It'scalled Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talkto you.'

THEY WALK AMONG US (& MANY WORK RETAIL)

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The cashier rangup $46.64 charges. I gave her a fifty dollar bill.She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money backto her and told her that she had made a mistake inMY favor. She became indignant and informed meshe was educated and knew what she was doing,and returned the money again. I gave her the mon-ey back -- same scenario!I departed the store with the $46.64.

I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to thegirl and she looked over at a little chalkboard thatsaid 'buy one-get one free.' "They're already buy-one-get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're bothfree." She handed me my free Lattes and I walkedout the door.

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly thathe had a home. He followed me into the house,down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner. An hourlater, he went to the door, and I let him out.The next day he was back, resumed his position inthe hall, and slept for an hour. This continued forseveral weeks.Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every after-noon your dog comes to my house for a nap."The next day he arrived with a different notepinned to his collar:

"He lives in a home with ten children -- he's tryingto catch up on his sleep. Can I come with himtomorrow?"

www.costambarmonthly.com

Page 6: Costambar Monthly May 2011

Located on the Entrance Road to CostambarWorking with Steel, Stainless Steel

& AluminumNew Fabrications and Repairs

We are also Mobile!CALL JAN NIELSEN @ 829-962-9690OR EMAIL [email protected]

NIELSEN WELDING & FABRICATION

VIVERO!!!PLANT

Open to the PublicOpen to the PublicAll Types of

Palms, Flowering & Foliage PlantsLandscaping & Garden Maintenance

Services AvailableBEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COASTOpen Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm

And By AppointmentCall George (Lettuce)

809-543-8041Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert

(In front of PARADA DINAMICA)“Just past the fish places”

A priest was called away for an emergency. Notwanting to leave the confessional unattended, hecalled his rabbi friend from across the street andasked him to cover for him.The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say,but the priest told him to come on over and he’dstay with him for a little bit and show him what odo.The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in theconfessional.A few minutes later, a woman comes in and says,“Father forgive me for I have sinned.”The priest asks, “What did you do?”The woman says, “I committed adultery.”Priest: “How many times?”Woman: “Three times.”Priest: “Say two Hail Marys, put five dollars in thebox and go and sin no more.”A few minutes later a man enters the confessional.He says,“Father forgive me for I have sinned.”Priest: “What did you do?”Man: “I committed adultery.”Priest:”How many times?”Man: “Three times.”Priest: “Say two Hail Marys, put five dollars in thebox and go and sin no more.”The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he’s got itso the priest leaves.A few minutes later another woman enters andsays, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”Rabbi:”What did you do?”Woman: “I committed adultery.”Rabbi: “How many times?”Woman: “Once.”Rabbi: “Go do it two more times. We have a specialthis week, three for five dollars

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you havepassed all the tests, except one. Unless you passit you cannot qualify for this job." Mujibar said, "Iam ready" The manager said, "Make a sentence us-ing the words Yellow, Pink and Green." Mujibarthought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manag-er, I am ready" The manager said, "Go ahead."Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, andI pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"Mujibar now works as a technician at a call centrefor computer problems.

Page 7: Costambar Monthly May 2011

Order YourHealth Insurance Now!

RD$770Includes Dental

(with Drugs RD$960)

FOR DETAILED INFORMATION

NEW

RATES!

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar andordered a beer.'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.''One cent?' the man exclaimed.He glanced at the menu and asked:'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle ofwine?''A nickel,' the barman replied.'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guywho owns this place?'The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs withyour wife?'The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doingto his business down here.'

A college professor was doing a study testing thesenses of first year schoolchildren, using a bowlof Fruit Loops, the cereal with the hole in it.He gave all the children the same kind of loop,one at a time, and asked them to identify themby colour and flavour. The children began to say:'Red............cherry,' 'Yellow.........lemon,''Green..........lime,'Orange .......orange.'Finally the professor gave them all 'honey' loops.After eating them for a few moments none of thechildren could identify the taste.'Well,' he said 'I'll give you all a clue. It's whatyour mother may sometimes call your father.'One little girl looked up in horror, spat hers outand yelled:'Oh My God!!!! They're arse-holes !!'

www.costambarmonthly.com

A man starts his new job at the Dublin zoo and isgiven three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fishpool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumpsout and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats itto death with a spade. Realizing his employerwon't be best pleased he disposes of the fish byfeeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.Moving on to the second job of clearing out theChimp House, he is attacked by the chimps thatpelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimpswith a spade killing them both. What can he do?Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, becauselions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into thelion enclosure. He moves on to the last job whichis to collect honey from the South American Bees.As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. Hegrabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.By now he knows what to do and throws theminto the lions cage because lions eat anything.Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. Hewanders up to another lion and says 'What's thefood like here?'The lions say: 'Absolutely brilliant, today we hadFish and Chimps with Mushy Bees.'

Page 8: Costambar Monthly May 2011

SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 14SUDOKU PUZZLESFill in the missing numbers so every row, column andquadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

TRANSPORTATION

Page 9: Costambar Monthly May 2011

Police Office 809-320-8510

Police Car 809-320-8840

APC Office 809-970-7877

APC Gate Security 809-970-7015

Codetel 809-220-1111

Edenorte - emergency 809-261-1844

Edenorte - office 809-586-9823

Costambar Taxi Stand 809-970-7318

Canada 809-586-5761

Britain 809-586-4244

U.S.A. 809-586-4204

German 809-586-6995

Italian 809-320-7601

Clinica Bournigal 809-586-2342

Clinica Brugal 809-586-2519

Los Tropicos Pharmacy 809-970-7607

12 CNN 51 CINE CANAL

22 FOX SPORT 56 SPEED

28 BOOMERANG 57 ANIMAL PLANET

30 ABC 64 SCI-FI

31 NBC 66 FOOD

32 CBS 69 DISCOVERY KIDS

33 TBS 70 WEATHER

34 CNBC 71 CINEMAX

35 ESPN-1 72 SHOWTIME

36 WGN 74 STARZ

37 CDN 79 NASA

40 TNT 80 JETIX

42 USA 81 CARTOON

43 ESPN-2 83 TNT LA

44 DISCOVERY 84 HISTORY

46 DISNEY 85 THE FILM ZONE

49 HBO

GOT A SMALL BUSINESS?NEED MORE EXPOSURE?COSTAMBAR MONTHLY

BUSINESS CARD DIRECTORYCAN GET YOU THAT EXPOSURE

BREAKING THE BUDGET!

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.She noticed the man opposite her was smiling ather. She immediately moved to another seat.This time the smile turned into a grin, so shemoved again. The man seemed more amused.When on the fourth move, the man burst out laugh-ing, she complained to the driver and he had theman arrested. The case came up in court. The judgeasked the man (about 20 years old) what he hadto say for himself.The man replied, 'Well Your Honor, it was like this:when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help butnotice her condition. She sat down under a signthat said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' andI grinned. Then she moved and sat under a signthat said, 'Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swell-ing,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself un-der a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big StickDid the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth timeand sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubbercould have prevented this Accident!'... I just lost it.' CASE DISMISSED!!

A couple drove down a country road for severalmiles, not saying a word. An earlier discussionhad led to an argument and neither of them want-ed to concede their position.As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, andpigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relativesof yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding itemsthe woman wished to purchase.As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remotecontrol for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked."No," she replied, "but my husband refused to comeshopping with me, so I figured this was the mostlegal evil thing I could do to him."

Page 10: Costambar Monthly May 2011

YENNY’S MARKETEverything You Need

At Good Prices!Open 8:00am to 9:30pm daily

Calle Principal, CostambarTel: 809-970-3028

PAINTER DAVEQuality Painting

In thePuerto Plata Area

829-632-3152

COSTAMBAR MONTHLY

Contact UsTel: 809-970-7507Cell: 809-449-1820

Email:costambarmonthly

@yahoo.ca

THE BEST VALUE FOR YOUR ADVERTISING PESO!

MY SMALL BUSINESSThe Best Little Business on the North Coast

123 Any Street, Puerto Plata809-555-5555

[email protected]

www.mywebsite.com

DOG TRAINING AVAILABLEVery Reasonable Rates at Your HomeObedience Training, Problem Solving& Behaviour TrainingCanadian TrainedHave been training dogs for 5 yearsEnglish speaking with a little Spanish

Please Call Thomas at 829-934-4619

SAY YOUSAW IT IN

COSTAMBAR

MONTHLY!

Page 11: Costambar Monthly May 2011

LUPERON

STAINLESS STEELSWAGE FITTINGSAND LIFELINES

AT U$ PRICES!DELIVERED IN A WEEK!FORMOREINFOCALLCOLIN 809-449-1819

CLEAR FIBERGLASS 33-LBPROPANE CYLINDER TANK

Always know howmuch gas you have!

Lighter than steeland don't rust!

$320.00 new in USNow only 2450 pesos

Call Colin 809-449-1819

SAY YOUSAW IT IN

COSTAMBAR

MONTHLY!

Trying to SellYour Boat?

Why NotGet More

Exposure ByAdvertising

It InCostambarMonthly!

Friends may come and friends may go...ut enemies accumulate.

- Needs Some Sails & Running Rig &

Email [email protected]

The trouble with life is there'sno background music!

Bruce Van Sant takes you awaybut always brings you back toPuerto Plata - the place he’s calledhome for 30 years.Sixty-four true stories culled fromhis sailing log books.Available from ThornlessPath.com& Amazon.com - also available inebook format.#1 on Costambar Monthly’sBestsellers List (if they had one!)

Page 12: Costambar Monthly May 2011

Restaurant & Beach BarCostambar

Family Run Business Since 2001Dominican & American Style Food

Chefs Clara & Domingo

Open Daily 8am-8pm

AVAILABLE FORWeddings, Birthdays,Self Improvement Or

Church Groups.We cater or bring your own food.

Ask about special rates forcharitable events.

A beautiful, tranquil, private andcontrolled setting.

LOOK FOR CLASSES INMeditation and Yoga.Come work out with

Raquetball,Handball

and Wallyball.

Wireless Internet

Big Screen Movies and Concerts

LUXURY VILLA RENTAL AT CASA LOASE BY THE WEEKwww.casaloase.com

Call Jose for Info809-837-6845 or 809-970-7861www.loase.com

[email protected]

LoaseVilla

I went out with some friends last night and tiedone on. Knowing that I was wasted, I did some-thing that I have never done before.I took a bus home.I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed reallysurprising as I have never driven a bus before.

Two hunters are out in the woodswhen one of them collapses. Hedoesn’t seem to be breathing andhis eyes are glazed. The otherguy whips out his phone andcalls the emergency services. "Ithink my friend is dead!” hegasps. "What can I do?” The oper-ator says, "Calm down – I canhelp. First, let’s make sure he’sdead.” There’s a silence, then ashot is heard. Back on the phone,the guy says, "OK, now what?”

SAY YOUSAW IT IN

COSTAMBAR

MONTHLY!

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for adriver's license. First, of course, he had to take aneye sight test. The optician showed him a cardwith the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked."Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Page 13: Costambar Monthly May 2011

DAILY & WEEKLY SPECIALS! CHECK THE CHALKBOARD!

GOOD FOOD!! GOOD FRIENDS!! GOOD FUN!!

Jose del Carmen Ariza #34, PuertoPlata 829-246-7525 or 829-426-0201

[email protected] [email protected]

@Hotel Castilla

OPEN

7 DAYS

8 TILL

LATE

FLEA MARKET!!!

EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTHStarting at 10am

FREE TO VENDORS!!!

COME FORTHE GREAT FOODAT GREAT PRICES

AND THEMILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

THE GOOD HUSBANDJack wakes up with a huge hangover after attend-ing his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not nor-mally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste likealcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he gothome from the party. As bad as he was feeling, hewondered if he did something wrong. Jack had toforce himself to open his eyes, and the first thinghe sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass ofwater on the side table. And, next to them, a singlered rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing infront of him, all clean and pressed. He looks aroundthe room and sees that it is in perfect order, spot-lessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takesthe aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge blackeye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.Then he notices a note hanging on the corner ofthe mirror written in red with little hearts on itand a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to getgroceries to make you your favourite dinner to-night. I love you, darling!Love, Jillian”He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, thereis hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morn-ing newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at thetable, eating. Jack asks, “Son...what happened lastnight?” “Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunkand out of your mind you fell over the coffee tableand broke it, and then you puked in the hallway,and got that black eye when you ran into the door.Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everythingin such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose,and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”His son replies, “Oh THAT... Mom dragged you tothe bedroom, and when she tried to take yourpants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, I’m mar-ried!!”Broken Coffee Table $239.99Hot Breakfast $4.20Two Aspirins $.38Saying the right thing, at the right time.....PRICELESS!!

24 hours in a day,24 beers in a case.

Coincidence? I think not!

Page 14: Costambar Monthly May 2011

BEGINNER INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGEHot Air Balloon

PASCUAL FAST FOODPLAYA COSTAMBARSpecializing in Live Lobsters & Seafood

Sandwiches & Dominican FoodOpen Daily 9am to 7pm

For Parties, Events & ReservationsCall 829-464-4071

Do you get the feeling they need tolook up the meaning of ‘stroller’??

Little Larry attended a horse auction with hisfather.He watched as his father moved from horse tohorse, running his hands up and down the horse'slegs and rump, and chest.After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why areyou doing that?'His father replied, 'Because when I'm buyinghorses, I have to make sure that they are healthyand in good shape before I buy.Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPSguy wants to buy Mom!'

Page 15: Costambar Monthly May 2011

Fresh bread dailyPizzaDessertDrinksBreakfast all day long

C/ Los Mangos, Phone: 809-970-3083 cell 829-986-0005Open from 8:00 am to 7:00 pm Sunday closed at 2pm

R&B German BakeryTHE BEST FOOD IN COSTAMBAR!

WIRELESS INTERNET!

Gourmet German Food ProductsSoups, Sauces, Stews, Liverwurst, Pickles,Canned Fish, Spices, Dressings, Special Mustards, Cakes

Someone out there either has too much spare timeor is deadly at Scrabble.(Wait till you see the last one!)

When you rearrange the letters: dirty room

When you rearrange the letters: best in prayer

When you rearrange the letters: moon starer

When you rearrange the letters: they see

When you rearrange the letters: he bugs Gore

When you rearrange the letters: here come dots

When you rearrange the letters: cash lost in me

When you rearrange the letters: is no amity

When you rearrange the letters: lies - let'srecount

When you rearrange the letters: alas! no more z 's

When you rearrange the letters: im a dot in place

When you rearrange the letters: twelve plus oneAND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

When you rearrange the letters: woman hitler I don

't w

ant

to b

rag

or m

ake

anyo

ne je

alou

s or

any

thin

g, b

ut I

can

still

fit

int

o th

e ea

rrin

gs I

wor

e in

hig

h sc

hool

.

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love allafternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take hisshoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. Wehad sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'

Page 16: Costambar Monthly May 2011

FOR MORE THAN JUST CLEAN WATER - LOOK FOR THIS LABEL!

WHEN WORD OF MOUTH JUST ISN’T ENOUGH

COSTAMBAR MONTHLYCAN BRING NEW TRAFFIC THROUGH YOUR DOOR

& REMIND OTHERS THAT YOU ARE STILL THERE!

Light BreakfastsTasty Pasta DishesFresh Sandwiches

Costambar’s Best Happy Hour!From 4pm-7pm

Calle Anacaona Costambar Puerto PlataFor more info 809-970-7245