costambar monthly july 2012

July 2012

Yenny’s MarketLoase Resort/Sam’s BarCatamaran Beach BarPascual’sMarLou’s RestaurantBieke’s BarHappy Hippo

Supermercado TropicalBig Lee’s Beach BarEl Jardin y Algo MasRestaurant ChinoThe Meeting PlaceMaximillian’s Beach BarVena Beach Bar

Chris & Mady’sOcean World Marina

Los Tres Cocos

What To Do This MonthEvent Quick Reference

Useful Telephone NumbersClassified Ads

Costambar Cable ChannelListing

The Rainy Day PageAnd Lots Of Other

Fun Stuff!!

Inventors have finally come up with a shoe thatis practical for a North Coast night. Thisfootwear is guaranteed to ensure you get aroundin safety and comfort on those nights when thepower is off. No more stumbling into unseenpotholes or feeling your way blindly up stairs.The new footwear, called the ‘Shoe Shine’ willbe on sale locally in the coming months.

NEWSHOEWILLLIGHTTHEWAY!

Costambar Monthly page 2

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to trysomething different. Fine dining at it’s best! Call809-993-4503 for details. Closed June 19 to July17 for vacation.

Sam’s at Loase Resort & Spa has new summerhours from May 1 to September 30 they will beopen Tuesday to Saturday 12 noon to 8pm andclosed Sunday & Monday.

At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you’llfind great food at great prices enjoyed with amillion dollar view! Every day they have PowerHour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. They alsohold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturdayof every month beginning at 10am. No cost tovendors!

Pascual’s on Costambar Beach specializes inseafood from their live lobster tank. EveryThursday is Romantic Night with guitar music bythe duo Los Reyes and Saturdays it’s Karaoke & aBBQ! Also available for parties and events!

Big Lee's Beach Bar is the place to go on theMalecon in Puerto Plata. Oldies music and freepopcorn! And featuring fantastic food by Mady'sRestaurant, now permanently here with Big Lee!Hamburgers, cheeseburgers, hot dogs,sandwiches, fish and breakfast all day long.Open and serving at 10 a.m. Karaoke everyFriday night!

MarLou’s Restaurant has an all new cocktailselection! This month’s cocktail is Daquiri. Andtake their ad to enjoy a free homemade icecream with your meal. Join them on Thursdaysfor Open Mic Night.

Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food onthe North Coast! Eat in or take out. Twolocations - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata andcalle Principal in Cabarete.

Chris & Mady’s has all your favourite sportsincluding NFL and NHL! Try their seafood andlobster specials! Catch all the Olympic eventsthis month and join them to celebrate the 4th of

July!!

The Meeting Place has started their summerhours - Monday to Friday 2pm-5:30pm. Keepchecking their website for new activitiesthroughout the season.

Why not visit Maximillian’s Beach Bar on themalecon in Puerto Plata!

Bieke’s Bar - the first bar in & the last bar outof Costambar! Drop by Saturdays for Costambar’sBest Burger! Check out the blackboards for foodspecials during the week!

Sonja & Hill are back at Happy Hippo! Why notpass by and have a drink with them?

Ocean World Casino is open 3pm to 3am withnew slots, friendly dealers and free drinks! Freetransportation from Costambar.

Vena Beach Bar (caseta #2 on the Malecon) is alittle bit of New York in Puerto Plata!

OPEN FROM12 NOON

CLOSED SUNDAYS

SATURDAYSBIEKE BURGERS!!

CHECK OURBOARD FOR

FOOD SPECIALS!

My dog's a blacksmith.Every time we open thefront door he makes abolt for it.


COME FOR THE GREAT FOODAT GREAT PRICES AND THE

MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

FLEA MARKET!!!EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH

FREE TO VENDORS!Starting at 10am

One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer andmarried man, was at his home in Dallas , Texasmowing his front lawn, as he always did.A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stoppedin front of his house, lowered the window andasked, "Excuse me, do you speak English ?"Lee responded, "Yes M'aam, I do"The lady then asked, "What do you charge to doyard work ?"Lee said, "Well, the lady in this house lets me sleepwith her".The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and spedoff.

A man came to visit his grandparents, and henoticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in therocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing onfrom the waist down.'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is outin the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.The old man looked off in the distance withoutanswering.'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here withnothing on below the waist?' he asked again.The old man slowly looked at him and said,'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on andI got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

Don’t make me mad andthen tell me to calm down.

That’s like stabbing someoneand then wondering why

they’re bleeding.


When you are feeling nostalgic come to…‘Play It Again’

Much of What You Loved About Sam’s In Costambar!

At Loase

VILLA FOR RENTBY THE WEEK

CASA OBEARINF: 809-837-6845www.casaloase.com

Spend today at Big Lee’s Beach Bar

Bar and Restaurant Open at 10 a.m.Food served until 8pm – Bar open until midnight

Burgers, Chicken, Fish, Fries, Onion Rings &Breakfast ALL DAY

Every Friday 8pm until midnight


Restaurant ChinoBest Chinese Food Onthe North Coast! TwoGreat Locations! EatIn or Takeout!Xiang Wan JiaPlaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata809-261-5609Calle Principal, Cabarete809-571-0385

I have been in many places, but I've never been inCahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. Youhave to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no onerecognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have anairport; you have to be driven there. I have madeseveral trips there, thanks to my friends, familyand work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have tojump, and I'm not too much on physical activityanymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place togo, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was veryimportant to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there moreoften as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite place to be is in Suspense! Itreally gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps upthe old heart!At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, and I don'tremember what country I was in. It's an agething.

Signed,Residing in Coherent I was explaining to my husband

last night that when you dieyou get reincarnated but must

come back as a different creature.He said he would like to come

back as a pig. I said,"You're obviously not listening".


INTERNATIONAL GOURMETCUISINE

&AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

Two medical students were walking along thestreet when they saw an old man walking with hislegs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walkingslowly.One student said to his friend, "I'm sure that poorold man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walkjust like that."The other student says, "No, I don't think so. Theold man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walksslowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned inclass."Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask theold man. They approached him and one of thestudents said to him, "We're medical students andcouldn't help but notice the way you walk, but wecouldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.Could you tell us what it is?"The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell mewhat you two fine medical students think."The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."The old man said, "You thought - but you arewrong."The other student said, "I think you have ZovitzkiSyndrome."The old man said, "You thought - but you arewrong."So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do youhave?"The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I waswrong, too!"

A young woman had been taking golf lessons.She had just started playing her first round of golfwhen she suffered a bee sting.Her pain was so intense that she decided to returnto the clubhouse for help and to complain.Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse andasked, 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?''I was stung by a bee', she said.'Where', he asked.'Between the first and second hole', she replied.He nodded knowingly and said,'Then your feet are too far apart.


PASCUAL’SPLAYA COSTAMBARSpecializing in Live Lobsters & Seafood

Open DailyFor Parties, Events & Reservations

Call 829-434-9404/829-464-4071/829-637-6487

EVERY THURSDAYRomantic Night with Live Guitar Music

by the duo Los ReyesEVERY SATURDAY

Karaoke & BBQ

CHRIS & MADY’SPlaya Cofresi

JOIN US THIS MONTH FOR4TH OF JULY CELEBRATIONS

& THE OLYMPICS!!

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they willcall each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Daveand John go out, they will affectionately refer toeach other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will eachthrow in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.None of them will have anything smaller and nonewill actually admit they want change back.When the girls get their bill, out come the pocketcalculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn'tneed but it's on sale.

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrushand toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap,and a towel.The average number of items in the typicalwoman's bathroom is 337. A man would not beable to identify more than 20 of these items.

A woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning ofa new argument.

A woman worries about the future until she gets ahusband.A man never worries about the future until he getsa wife.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change,but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won'tchange, but she does.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water theplants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read abook, and get the mail.A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Ah, children. A woman knows all about herchildren. She knows about dentist appointmentsand romances, best friends, favorite foods, secretfears and hopes and dreams.A man is vaguely aware of some short people livingin the house.


Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies withtypewriters. These sentences actually appeared inchurch bulletins or were announced in churchservices:--- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.--- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on theWater." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."--- Our youth basketball team is back in actionWednesday at 8pm in the recreation hall. Come outand watch us kill Christ the King.--- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chanceto get rid of those things not worth keeping aroundthe house. Don't forget your husbands.--- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today hasbeen canceled due to a conflict.--- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of ourcommunity. Smile at someone who is hard to love.Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much aboutyou.--- Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help. --- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass thisway again," giving obvious pleasure to thecongregation.--- For those of you who have children and don'tknow it, we have a nursery downstairs.--- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.They need all the help they can get. --- Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blooddonors for more transfusions. She is also havingtrouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack'ssermons.--- The Rector will preach his farewell message afterwhich the choir will sing: "Break Forth into Joy." --- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married onOctober 24 in the church. So ends a friendship thatbegan in their school days. --- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening inthe church hall. Music will follow.--- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topicwill be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to ourchoir practice.

--- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due tothe addition of several new members and to thedeterioration of some older ones.--- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles andother items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used tocripple children.--- Please place your donation in the envelope alongwith the deceased person you want remembered.--- The church will host an evening of fine dining,super entertainment and gracious hostility.--- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00pm - prayer andmedication to follow.--- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing ofevery kind. They may be seen in the basement onFriday afternoon.--- This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn singingin the park across from the Church. Bring a blanketand come prepared to sin.--- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morningat 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in theFellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.--- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of thecongregation would lend him their electric girdles forthe pancake breakfast next Sunday.--- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meetThursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.--- The eighth-graders will be presentingShakespeare's Hamlet in the Church Basement Fridayat 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend thistragedy.--- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's newtithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped MyPledge - Up Yours."


JUST ARRIVED!CLEAR FIBERGLASS

7 GALLONPROPANE CYLINDER TANK24” TALL & 12” DIAMETER

Always know how much gasyou have!

Lighter than steel & rustproof!

ONLY RD$2500CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819

NEW YACHT DELIVERY SERVICE IN LUPERON!Need to move your boat but don’t feel like going to all thateffort yourself? Well Luperon’s newest entrepreneur can help!His motto is…Let me row, row, row your boat gently cross the bay!

LIFE ISSHORT.

SMILE WHILEYOU STILL

HAVE TEETH!


SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13SUDOKU PUZZLESFill in the missing numbers so every row, column andquadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

GIRL’S NAME SONGS

Across1. Vague5. Pass through6. Stir up7. Storm

Down1. Pariah2. Sports structure3. Steal the show4. Adjure

ADIAALISONAMANDAANGIEBARBARA ANNBETHBILLIE JEANBRANDYCANDIDACARRIE ANNECECILIACLAIRDELILAHDELTA DAWN

DIANAELEANOR RIGBYELVIRAGLORIAJOANNAJOLENEKYRIELAYLALITTLE JEANNIELUCILLEMAGGIE MAYMANDYMICHELLE

MY SHARONANIKITAOH SHERRIEPEGGY SUERHIANNONROSANNAROXANNERUBY TUESDAYSARASHERRYSUSIE QSUZANNESWEET CAROLINE

Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid.The remaining letters spell a hidden message


Police Office 809-320-8510

Police Car 809-320-8840

APC Office 809-970-7877

APC Gate Security 809-970-7015

Codetel 809-220-1111

Edenorte - emergency 809-261-1844

Edenorte - office 809-586-9823

Costambar Taxi Stand 809-970-7318

Canada 809-586-5761

Britain 809-586-4244

U.S.A. 809-586-4204

German 809-586-6995

Italian 809-320-7601

Clinica Bournigal 809-586-2342

Clinica Brugal 809-586-2519

Los Tropicos Pharmacy 809-970-7607

12 CNN 51 CINE CANAL

22 FOX SPORT 56 SPEED

28 BOOMERANG 57 ANIMAL PLANET

30 ABC 64 SCI-FI

31 NBC 66 FOOD

32 CBS 69 DISCOVERYKIDS

33 TBS 70 WEATHER

34 CNBC 71 CINEMAX

35 ESPN-1 72 SHOWTIME

36 WGN 74 STARZ

37 CDN 79 NASA

40 TNT 80 JETIX

42 USA 81 CARTOON

43 ESPN-2 83 TNT LA

44 DISCOVERY 84 HISTORY

46 DISNEY 85 THE FILM ZONE

49 HBO

FUNNY MERGERS1. XEROX and WURLITZER(They're going to make reproductive organs)2. FAIRCHILD ELECTRONICS and HONEYWELLCOMPUTERS(The new company will be called FairwellHoneychild)3. POLYGRAM RECORDS, WARNER BROTHERS,and KEEBLER(The new company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker)4. W.R. GRACE CO., FULLER BRUSH CO., MARYKAY COSMETICS, and HALE BUSINESS SYSTEMS(The company will be called Hale, Mary, Fuller,Grace)5. 3M and GOODYEAR(MMM Good)6. JOHN DEERE and ABITIBI-PRICE(Deere Abi)7. HONEYWELL, IMASCO, and HOME OIL(Honey, I'm Home)8. DENISON MINES, ALLIANCE, and METALMINING(Mine All Mine)9. 3M, JC PENNEY, and THE METROPOLITANOPERA COMPANY(3 Penney Opera)10. GREY POUPON and DOCKERS PANTS(Poupon Pants)11. KNOTT'S BERRY FARM and THE NATIONALORGANIZATION FOR WOMEN(The new company will be called Knott Now)12. ZIPPO MANUFACTURING, AUDI, DOFASCO,and DAKOTA MINING(The new company will be called Zip Audi Do-Da)13. NETSCAPE and YAHOO (Net n' Yahoo)


BEGINNER INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGELucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Men should take a concerned look at their beerconsumption. The theory is that beer containsfemale hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens)and that, by drinking enough beer, men turn intowomen.To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beereach within a 1 hour period. It was then observedthat 100% of the test subjects:1) Argued over nothing.2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.3) Gained weight.4) Talked excessively without making sense.5) Became overly emotional.6) Couldn't drive.7) Failed to think rationally.8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.


Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology,Acupressure, & Hot StonePhysical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic DrainageManicure & Pedicure: Regular & IntensiveBraids & Hair Extensions & Mens HaircutsFacials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse ServicesNatural Health & Beauty ProductsASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS.Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointmentService to the home. Transportation available.#14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

RD$955 Includes DentalRD$1190 with Drugs

Big Lee’s Beach Bar, Puerto Plata 5pmBieke’s Bar, Costambar 6:30pmOr call Petra & Marcel Bahr1-809-885-2155

It takes only one drink to get me drunk.The trouble is, I can't remember if it'sthe thirteenth or the fourteenth.


Lifestyle Holidays Vacation Club is now recruiting staff for theCustomer Service Department.

The office is located at Playa Cofresi, Puerto Plata. Spoken and writtenEnglish are essential and computer skills (Microsoft Office suite &Outlook) are considered an asset. Competitive salary and benefits.

General PurposeAnswering incoming calls from customers, answering enquiries andquestions, troubleshoot problems and provide information.Main Job Tasks and Responsibilities- Answer calls professionally- Respond to customer enquiries- Reasearch required information using available rescources- Handle and resolve customer complaints- Provide customers with product and service information- Enter customer information and data (knowledge and use ofMicrosoft Outlook beneficial, training can be provided)Benefits Include- Transportation (From Puerto Plata and vicinity)- Meal Provided- Health Care Plan (after qualifying period)- Opportunity for performance related bonus

Please send your resume via email [email protected]

We appreciate your interest, however only those candidates selected foran interview will be contacted.

An old man was sitting on his front porchwatching the sunrise.He sees the neighbour's kid walk by carryingsomething big under his arm He yells out, "Heyboy, whatcha got there? Boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."Old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"Boy says, "Gonna catch some chickens."Old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catchchickens with chicken wire!"Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening atsunset, the boy comes walking by and to the oldman's surprise he is dragging behind him thechicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.Same time next morning the old man is outwatching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk bycarrying something kind of round thing in hishand.Old man yells out "Hey boy, ! whatcha got there?"Boy yells back "Roll of duct tape."Old man say "What you gonna do with that?"Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks".Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can'tcatch ducks with duct tape!"Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That nightaround sunset the boy walks by coming home, andto the old man's amazement he is trailing behindhim the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35ducks caught in it.Same time next morning the old man sees the boywalking by carrying what looks like a long reedwith something fuzzy on the end.The Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"Boy says "It's a pussy willow."Old man says "Wait up, I'll get my hat.

Sven is passing by Ole's hay shed one day andhears music and through a crack in the door hesees Ole doing a slow and sensual striptease infront of an old red Massey Harris.Buttocks clenched he performs a slow dance andgently slides off first the right rubber boot,followed by the left. He then hunches hisshoulders forward and in a classic striptease movelets his braces fall down from his shoulders todangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers .Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart toreveal his chest underneath and with a finalflourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.“What on earth are you doing Ole?” says Sven. “Vel, ye know Sven, ye frightened the livin’ crapout of me” says an obviously embarrassed Ole,'’but me and the Lena been having some troubleslately in the bedroom department, and thePsychiatrist asked I do something sexy to atractor."


DO YOU NEED A GOOD MECHANIC?Call Ito

829-563-1878 or 829-540-6622(for English 809-464-7898)

SERVICE DONE AT YOUR HOME!ALL GENERAL REPAIRS & MAINTENANCE!

Karaoke TropicalFor Any Event Of Your Choice

With Animation inEnglish, Spanish, German and French

Lyrics in 7 LanguagesInternational Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172Email [email protected]

SOUND RENTAL

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmotherone day. Playing with his toys as she was dusting,he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come youdon't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went toheaven?"Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. Ican sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.The religious programs make me feel good and thecomedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV asmy boyfriend."Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception wasterrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying toget the picture in focus. Frustrated, she startedhitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix theproblem.The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurriedto open the door and there stood Grandma'sminister. The minister said, "Hello son, is yourGrandma home?"The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroombangin' her boyfriend."The minister fainted.

A trucker who has been out on the road for twoweeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down£500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and agrilled cheese sandwich!"The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind ofmoney you could have one of my finest ladies anda three-course meal."The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny -I'm homesick."


VIVERO!!!PLANT

Open to the PublicOpen to the PublicAll Types of

Palms, Flowering & Foliage PlantsLandscaping & Garden Maintenance

Services AvailableBEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COASTOpen Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm

And By AppointmentCall George (Lettuce)

809-543-8041Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert

(In front of PARADA DINAMICA)“Just past the fish places”

A business man got on an elevator.When he entered, there was a blonde alreadyinside who greeted him with a bright,"T-G-I-F"He smiled at her and replied,"S-H-I-T"She looked puzzled and repeated,"T-G-I-F," more slowly.He again answer ed,"S-H-I-T."The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so shesmiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly aspossibly,"T-G-I-F."The man smiled back to her and once again,"S-H-I-T."The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it,duuhhh?"The man answered,"S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'--duuhhh.


Apartments for RentSpecial Offers Available For Long Term Rentals!

Just ask Max!Office 809-970-7312Cell 809-251-8679

Visit our website www.villasfelipe.com

Maximilian’sBEACH BAR

First Casetta at Long BeachMalecon, Puerto Plata, R.D.Cell: 809-251-8679

1 bedroom condoUnfurnished RD$10,000 + electricity & gas.

Internet & satellite available.Great view overlooking the harbor. Secure

compoundMore Info 809-543-0728

www.grundie.com/condo [email protected]

FOR RENT

DRINKING TRADITIONSAn Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin , ordersthree pints of Guinness and sits in the back of theroom, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.When he finishes them, he comes back to the barand orders three more.The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flatafter I draw it; it would taste better if you boughtone at a time."The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have twobrothers. One is in America , the other in Australia,and I'm here in Dublin . When we all left home, wepromised that we'd drink this way to rememberthe days when we drank together."The bartender admits that this is a nice custom,and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes aregular in the bar, and always drinks the sameway: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All theother regulars notice and fall silent. When hecomes back to the bar for the second round, thebartender says, "I don't want to intrude on yourgrief, but I wanted to offer my condolences onyour great loss."The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then alight dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," hesays, everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."

Dear Tide:I am writing to say what an excellent product youhave! I've used it all of my married life, as my Momalways told me it was the best.Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! Infact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine onmy new white blouse. My inconsiderate anduncaring husband started to belittle me about howclumsy I was, and generally started becoming apain in the neck. One thing led to another andsomehow I ended up with his blood on my newwhite blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide withbleach alternative, and to my surprise andsatisfaction, all of the stains came out!In fact, the stains came out so well the detectiveswho came by yesterday told me that the DNAtests on my blouse were negative and then myattorney called and said that I was no longerconsidered a suspect in the disappearance of myhusband.What a relief! Going through menopauseis bad enough without being a murder suspect! Ithank you, once again, for having a great product.Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bagpeople.


FOR SALE33foot sailboat, Glander Tava-na class yawl, good condition/minor work needed, less than1500 hours on new 20 horseKuboto engine and trans. AMUST SEE!Located in Luperon bay. CallSean @ (809) 782-2534.

Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only beplaced by emailing [email protected] calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items.Commercial properties or enterprises (including realestate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds willusually be run for one month only unless we are otherwisenotified.

OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS)Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm

Everything you need from snacks to supper!Delivery Service Available!

Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate)809-970-3028

IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you toservices every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are inSpanish. Children activities. Before Costambar GateSecurity, turn on the right side toward the powerplant, 100 meters on the right side.

WANTED"Karaoke business looking foran assistant with experiencesas a DJ. Dominican welcome!for contacts call 809 988 1322after 2.30 PM."

FOR SALECAR: Toyota 4Runner '90 3.0V6 Very good condition, clearpapers! Perhaps rent this car.Best price on North coast!email:[email protected]

FOR SALECar: Mitsubishi L200, diesel,year 2005, 76,000 km, incl.Full insurance till April 2012,very good conditions, Germanmaintained, new rear brakes,trailer coupling, and muchmoreMotorcycle YAMAHA SEROW225ccm,TRIAL, German main-tained, looks like new!Open fishing motorboat, 22feet, year 2010, Tohatsu 40horsepower and Tohatsu 9.8horsepower, specialize for biggame fishing!Call for prices: 849 886 1266Located in Luperon

FOR SALENew 24' Custom Panga CenterConsole85hp Yamaha, 15hp YamahaProven Offshore Boat$26,000US809-707-9036

FREE TO A GOOD HOMEMaity is a 6 year old femalewho has been fixed and hasrecent shots. Really sweet,well-behaved dog. Needs ahome with lots of love but haslots of love to give!Call 809-988-1322 afternoonsor evenings

FOR SALE2 Tires almost new 215/60/16.Sell $4,500 RD and Inverter 1and 1/2 kilos, good for 4batteries. Sell $4,000.Contact: 829-324-3204

FOR SALEFord F-150 V-8 4.6l runs ongasoline but has gas installed,year '98, engine 2007,very well taken care of byowner!!Also known as "the big yellowmonster"$13,000usd obo!!Call Vik 829 864 9420

FOR SALE1980 Pearson 365 Sloop. Greatcruising boat, Westerbeke40hp, refrigerator, good sails.Priced to sell. US$24,900.Call 829-338-3188

LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? ORUSING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THENWHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBAR’S FLEA MARKET AT THECATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OFTHE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!

CLASSIFIEDS

FOR SALESCOOTER:PGO T-REX 110ccm,year 2001, blue,new batteryand start system, new tires.Price 500USD asks for picsemail:[email protected]

WANTEDQuad, for in and aroundCostambar, anythingconsidered. Email:[email protected]: 809 639 9393

FOR SALE65 watt Solar panels 140 USDeachEmail: [email protected]: 809 639 9393 “

FOR SALELarge white stove GE ModelXL44 propane stove, 4 burners,large oven & broiler functionRD6,000. 500pc Poker GameSet. 500 11.5gram poker chips(3 rolls un-opened), 2 decks ofplaying cards (1 un-opened), 5red dice (un-opened), dealerchip all housed in a strong,lockable aluminium caseRD5,000. In Costambar, callMark 829-712-8189

WANTEDA person that understands English and the internetto work with me to set up account on ebay, takephotos of products and put them on ebay.Contact [email protected] or 809-386-5506


WEST COSTAMBAR LAND FOR SALE

One lot from beachfront at the end ofCalle Guarionex beside Casa Blanca

bungalow. The property is on theCofresi side of west Costambar. The

land is 600 square meters with fruit andmature palm trees. The seller has been

motivated to sell due to the airlinescancelling of direct flights from Western

Canada.ASKING PRICE OF US$41,750

OFFERS CONSIDERED

There is a full set of architect plans for amodest beach house available for an

extra fee. Legal title is on file.Please contact Colin in Costambar @

809-449-1819Or Ted Hughes / owner @

[email protected]

1975: Long hair2012: Longing for hair

1975: KEG2012: EKG

1975: Acid rock2012: Acid reflux

1975: Moving to California because it's cool2012: Moving to Arizona because it's warm

1975: Tryin to look like Marlon Brando or LizTaylor2012: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or LizTaylor

1975: Seeds and stems2012: Roughage

1975: Hoping for a BMW2012: Hoping for a BM

1975: Going to a new, hip joint2012: Receiving a new hip joint

1975: Rolling Stones2012: Kidney Stones

1975: Being called into the principal's office2012: Calling the principal's office

1975: Screw the system2012: Upgrade the system

1975: Disco2012: Costco

1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut2012: Children begging you to get their headsshaved

1975: Passing the drivers' test2012: Passing the vision test

1975: Whatever2012: Depends


"Safest Return on Investment on The Planet!" "AMERICAN LIFE SETTLEMENT SOCIETY" & "FORUM NATIONAL INVESTMENTS"

(OTC: BB - FMNL) A PUBLICLY TRADED COMPANY! www.foruminvestments.com

DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY IN FOOLISH INVESTMENTS - JOIN ME FOR ADVICE ON ASAFE INVESTMENT WITH A OVERWHELMING ROI ON INVESTMENTS BACKED BY AMERICAN

FDIC SECURED FUNDS! WWW.WALL-STREET.COM ~ FOLLOW ~ WWW.SMALLCAPSNEWS.COM

Forum Announces That It Has "SOLD OUT" Its First "$9,000,000 USD Convertible Securitized Life Settlement Backed Bond"VANCOUVER, BRITISH COLUMBIA -- (Marketwire) -- 06/25/12 -- Forum National Investments Ltd. (OTCBB: FMNL) ("FORUM")announced today that it has successfully "SOLD OUT" Its first Canadian Financial product securitized by senior US life settlements"an industry first".FORUM was oversubscribed and will put a number of potential investors on a waiting list for the next $10,000,000 Bond Offeringpresently scheduled for August 2012. Though this initial offering was targeted at primarily Accredited investors Forum is currentlycompleting a full Offering Memorandum which will allow for the average retail investor to participate with an initial minimuminvestment as little as $10,000 CDN.The product is targeted for retail investors that are seeking to diversify their conventional investment portfolio with an alternativeinvestment that is uncorrelated to the traditional stock market fluctuations and other economic downturns. FORUM is utilizing LifeSettlements as the back bone for the securitization and performance of the Bonds. The bonds performance is directly related to onefactor only, the maturity and payment of the death benefit by a minimum "AA" rated carrier's life Insurance policy which secures thebond. The product has at least two life insurance policies with two insurer's securing each bond issuance. In the case of the firstbond issuance the insured are 83 and 85 years of age. The first bond offering was for $9,000,000 USD in death benefits and was soldat a minimum 85% discount to face value of the Death benefits."The use of a Life Settlement to provide the underlying security for a retail bond has always been an interesting possibility and nowit is a reality". "In fact I have purchased one unit of this initial offering for my personal investment portfolio," stated Dan Clozza CEO."Given the economic uncertainty in Europe and around the world coupled with little to no return on traditional investments theintroduction of this type of financial product at this time has been well received". The product is completely based in USD andshould provide an above average return to investors with a potential hedge against the USD for those seeking that feature.We believe that we have removed all of the typical pitfalls to investing in this asset class. An investors in FORUM'S bonds will havethe added option to convert their whole investment at any time right up to and including the full payout amount at the time ofmaturity to common shares in FORUM at a currently stated 10% discount to market based on a weighted five day average markettrading price of the securities.A typical Life Settlement investment IRR's are high single digits annualized, but mid teen returns are a very real possibility. In factwindfall profits can occur if maturities come early as they did in 2008 for FORUM who had purchased a $5,000,000 USD LifeInsurance policy on a 78 year old insured with a life expectancy of approximately eight years which subsequently matured in ninemonths. It is impossible to determine the exact return on any one individual life or bond offering with any degree of accuracy; it issimply a wait and see investment.

WWW.THEALSS.COM ~ FOLLOW ~ WWW.FORUMINVESTMENTS.COMRETIRE WITH GUARANTEED INVESTMENTS IN THE CARIBBEANS! CONTACT!

Michael Imbery [email protected] (516) 515.6893 Long Beach, New YorkLocal Contact in Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic, Call (829) 525.7368

costambar monthly july 2012

Documents

million dollar

duo los reyes

forum national

boy yells

mrdudigabigmail

north coast

initial offering

chris amp