costambar monthly january 2011
TRANSCRIPT
Yennys MarketLoase Resort
The Catamaran BarR&B Bakery
Gym BarPascual Fast Food Los Tres Cocos
Supermercado TropicalSam’s Bar & GrillThe Meeting Place
What To Do This MonthUseful Telephone Numbers
Classified AdsCostambar Cable Channel Listing
The Rainy Day PageAnd Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!
January 2011
- Spanglish Room Service Primer! - Local Girl Cooks the Books! - Public Service Warning on Drinking &
Driving! - How to Patch Things Up!
After years (and years and years and years...) ofdaily complaining about the state of the Costam-bar entrance road, residents of this small NorthCoast community are apparently at a loss forwords.A team of international behavioral scientistshave been brought in to study this phenomenon.The entrance road used to be a daily topic ofdiscussion for its challenges and the hardships itbrought for motorists and pedestrians alike. Butthe completion of this extensive road projectseems to have left a void for the community.Instead of the expected dancing in the streetsatmosphere and discussions on the joys of thenew road, a strangely opposite reaction has oc-curred. People seem to be reluctant to evenmention the miracle that has happened outsidethe gates.It was feared that conversation in Costambarwould come to a complete standstill without theroad to complain about. But then the weathertook a turn for the worse...And everything was back to normal.
THERE’S A KINDA HUSH...
Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to trysomething different. Like Australian Lamb,Imperial Duck Breast or French Lamb Rack - justto name a few. Call 809-993-4503 for details.
Loase Resort is available for weddings,birthdays, spiritual or self improvement groups.Look for classes in meditation and yoga orworkout with racquetball, handball or wallyball.Wireless internet, big screen movies andconcerts.
Sam’s Bar & Grill still serves a great valuebreakfast and quite possibly the best Fish ‘N’Chips in the world! Karaoke with prizes everyFriday night starting at 8pm! Goodbye Billy Partywith free buffet on Saturday January 8th about6:30ish. Check the chalkboard for daily specials!The place for good food, good friends and goodfun!
The Meeting Place is your source for popularnovels, children’s book & guidebooks! And theyalso specialize in books with DR related content!They are starting the New Year off with a greatprogram of events. They launch a bi-monthlyfilm series with ‘The Secret in Their Eyes’ onJanuary 8th. Then on January 10th GroupeBalsamo presents ‘La Vieja Belen’. On January15 they inaugurate a discussion series on topicsand books of interest to their community - firstup Nobel Laureate Vargas Llosa’s ‘Feast of theGoat’: Literature or History? And they finish offthe month with a reception on January 30th forthe book launch of ‘The Essential Guide to theCustoms and Culture of the Dominican Republic’written by Ginnie Bedggood and Ilana Benady.
At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach there isLive Music every Sunday starting between 3:30 &5pm! Conversational Spanish classes held everyweekend. They also hold a monthly Flea Marketon the last Saturday of every month beginning at10am. No cost to vendors! Like they say - yourtrash could be someone else’s treasure!
COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
Contact UsTel: 809-970-7507Cell: 809-449-1820
Email:costambarmonthly
@yahoo.ca
PLEASE NOTE - No new ads or changes will beaccepted within 4 days of the end of the month.
R&B German Bakery offers the best ‘all day’breakfast in town! While there check out theirfreshly baked breads, different meals anddelicious dessserts. NEW at R&B - GourmetGerman Food Products!! Wireless internet!
Gym Bar in Costambar has Pool & Blues onFridays from 8pm and Karaoke every Saturday at9pm. Every Thursday is games night. New onMondays - Fish & Chips!! For somethingdifferent why not try Duets Karaoke on January15th! And don’t miss Louse’s Roast Beef Dinneron Thursday January 20th! Space is limited soreserve early. Serving breakfast from 7:30-11amand dinner from 5:30-8:30pm.
Pascual’s Fast Food on Costambar Beachspecializes in seafood from their live lobstertank. Also available for parties and events!
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in amall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,but especially by two shiny, silver walls that couldmove apart and then slide back together again.The boy asked, "What is this Father?"The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anythinglike this in my life, I don"t know what it is."While the boy and his father were watching withamazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up tothe moving walls and pressed a button. The wallsopened, and the lady rolled between them into a smallroom. The walls closed, and the boy and his fatherwatched the small numbers above the walls light upsequentially. They continued to watch until it reachedthe last number, and then the numbers began to light inthe reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again anda gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman,said quietly to his son..... "Go get your Mother."
CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE15HP Johnson outboard motor. Short shaft,good runner,US$800 Call 809-449-1819
FOR SALE"Safeguard" safe, 15"x19"x14"h. Combination and key.$4500. Photo Mike 809 586 7234.
FOR SALENice Custom Bike - Honda Shadow 1100. Many details,better have a look. Bike is in Cofresi near to PP Contact:1-809-696-2432 [email protected]
FOR SALE2000 Suzuki Grand Vitara, 150,000kms, very good condi-tion. RD$250,000 negotiable. Call 829-499-2479 oremail [email protected]
FOR SALELarge GE refrigerator and large Whirlpool stove with 4burners and grill. 5 years old. Excellent condition. A lit-tle paint touch up wouldn’t hurt. Make an appointment.Make an offer!!Call 809-970-7123 or email [email protected]
LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FORGREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RIDOF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHYNOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBAR’S NEW FLEAMARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THEBEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THEMONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TOVENDORS!!!
FOR SALELarge Whirlpool Fridge for sale. Two vertical doors, icemachine. Very good condition. RD$8,000.Tel (809) 970-7437FOR SALE33foot sailboat, Glander Tavana class yawl, goodcondition/ minor work needed, less than 1500 hours onnew 20 horse Kuboto engine and trans. A MUST SEE!Located in Luperon bay.Call Sean @ (808) 782-2534. Any reasonable offeraccepted.FOR SALEPetrol Generator 1.7/2.2 Kilowatts (1 year old) 8000pesos, Schumacher 10 amp battery charger 800 pesos,Inverter/Charger 1.5 Kilowatts (new) 9000 pesos,Inverter/Charger 2.5 Kilowatts (new) 12600 pesos,12 volt Tire inflator 500 pesos, Chrome Front KangarooBars for Mitsubishi L200 1200 pesos, viewable atCostambar.Call 809 649 0345 or 809 970 3287 or email:[email protected]
SAY YOUSAW IT IN
COSTAMBAR
MONTHLY!
FOR SALEMetal Detector, Famous Trails model MD 3080A withheadphones. Can be used under water. Hardly used,5000 pesosCall 809-873-4474
FOR SALELG 20 inch TVMulti-voltage, multi-system. Good condition. RD$4,000Call 809-449-1819FOR SALECasio stainless steel mans watch. Many functions andmoon phase /tide graphBrand new in box RD$1,500Call 809-449-1819
A MEMORY STICK WITH STYLE!16GB Memory StickIn a stylish leather and metal caseGreat for Travel!Very Professional Looking!RD$1350Call 809-449-1819
Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only beplaced by emailing [email protected] calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personalitems. Commercial properties or enterprises (includingreal estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad.Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unlesswe are otherwise notified.
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenlyrealized I desperately needed to pass gas.The music was really, really loud, so I timed mygas with the beat of the music.After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. Ifinished my coffee, and noticed that everybodywas staring at me. Then I suddenly rememberedthat I was listening to my iPod.
– Right on the beach, 5 bdrs., large family room overlookingthe pool and the ocean, on 4 lotsUS$385,000
On the beach, 2 bdrs., 2 bthrs., family room, fullyfurnished. Planta, inverter Negotiable US$200,000
– 2 bdrs., 2 bthrs., with large balcony in front of thebeach with a pool. Fully furnished. US$100,000
2 bdrs., 2 bthrs. near beach, in excellent condition.Fully furnished and ready to move in. US$149,000
– 2 Bdr., 2 Bthrs. on 2 floors with pool in well maintainedbldg. US$89,000
– 2 bdrs., 2 bthr., large backyard with two bldgs, thatcan be used for entertaining or modified to have extra living space.Fully furnished US$120,000
– 2 bdrs., 2 bthrs., large balcony in well maintained bldg.,with pool. Fully furnished, just move in. Negotiable US$135,000
– large 2 bdrs., den, 2 ½ bthrs., with a panoramic viewof the ocean, and excellent condition.Now US$59,000
ENQUIRE ABOUT OTHER PROPERTIESAND RENTALS
MERRY CHRISTMAS FELIZ NAVIDAD BUON NATALE
MANANA HOY APARTMENTSCostambar
Under New ManagementShort and Long Term Rentals1 and 2 bedroom ApartmentsAll Utilities Included in Rent
For More Info Please Contact AAramoDR 809-353-8153NY 917-832-5252
Email [email protected]
An American tourist asks a Newfoundlander:"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards offtheir boats?"To which the Newfoundlander replies: "If they fellforwards they'd still be in the freakin’ boat"
Practice by reading the following conversation un-til you are able to understand the term
"TENJOOBERRYMUDS".Now, here goes...The following is a telephone exchange between,maybe you, as a hotel guest calling room-service:
Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joow-ish to oddor sunteen???"Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs.."Room Service: "Ow July den?"Guest: ".....What??"Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... Pryed, boyud,poochd?"Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry..Scrambled, please."Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"Guest: "Crisp will be fine.."Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"Guest: "What?"Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"Guest: "I... Don't think so."RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't knowwhat 'judo wan sahn toes' means."RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juantoes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You weresaying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will befine."RoomService: "We bodder?"Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."RoomService: "Wad?!?"Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on theside."RoomService: "Copy?"Guest: "Excuse me?"RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creasebaykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh andcopy .... Rye ??"Guest: "Whatever you say.."RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."Guest: "You're welcome"
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trapthat measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of hiscar. Instead of payment, he sent the police department aphotograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter fromthe police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.He immediately mailed in his $40.
Located on the Entrance Road to CostambarWorking with Steel, Stainless Steel
& AluminumNew Fabrications and Repairs
We are also Mobile!CALL JAN NIELSEN @ 829-962-9690OR EMAIL [email protected]
NIELSEN WELDING & FABRICATION
THIS MONTH’S SPECIAL!Ship boxes starting at 24X24X24
(Personal Effects)Door to Door to the Dominican Republic
From Montreal/Toronto Can$140!
3 Week Delivery Time!More Info at www.peraltabroshipping.ca
VIVERO!!!PLANT
Open to the PublicOpen to the PublicAll Types of
Palms, Flowering & Foliage PlantsLandscaping & Garden Maintenance
Services AvailableBEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COASTOpen Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm
And By AppointmentCall George (Lettuce)
809-543-8041Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert
(In front of PARADA DINAMICA)“Just past the fish places”
ENTREPENEUROF THE MONTH!!
NOW WHY DIDN’TWE THINK OF THIS!?!?
Marriage is like getting into a bath tub.Once you get used to it, it ain't so hot!
Order YourHealth Insurance Now!
RD$770Includes Dental
(with Drugs RD$960)
FOR DETAILED INFORMATION
Have you seen something incredible on a motorbike?Get a picture and send it to [email protected] we’ll print it in a future issue.
BIOMAX DENTALDra. Yarisa Ripoll
809-261-0094Calle Luis Ginebra #38, Puerto Plata
Top Quality Dental ImplantsFor Only US$300
Performed by American DentistsFour Highly Skilled American Dentists
Donate Their Time In OrderFor Us to be Able to Offer Implants
At Such An Affordable Price.
CALL FOR MORE DETAILSAND TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT
I SAW IT ON A MOTO!
NEW
RATES!
LUPERON
Try to SellYour Boat?
Why NotGet More
Exposure ByAdvertising
It InCostambarMonthly!
STAINLESS STEELSWAGE FITTINGSAND LIFELINES
AT U$ PRICES!DELIVERED IN A WEEK!FORMOREINFOCALLCOLIN 809-449-1819
Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captainwas very successful at what he did for years he guided merchantships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get thebest of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.However, there was one thing different about this captain. Everymorning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himselfin his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was anenvelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paperfor a minute, then lock it back up. After, he would go about hisdaily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became verycurious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lostlove? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strangeenvelope.One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's bodyto rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quar-ters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The firstmate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four wordswere on the paper:Port Left, Starboard Right.
SAY YOUSAW IT IN
COSTAMBAR
MONTHLY!
DON’T LAUGH!
Ever stop to think -And forget to start again?!?!
Costambar’s very own Charo has published herfirst, and hopefully not last, cookbook. If youknow Charo then you know how lucky we are tohave her sharing her favourite Dominican andInternational recipes with the world. From themouthwatering cover to the easy to follow andsimply laid out recipes, this is a definite must addto your collection!Check out her website for more info and to findout how to order your copy:www.cookingwithpassion.netCongratulations and much success Charo!
SHE’S NOTJUST COOKING
WITH GAS -SHE’S COOKINGWITH PASSION!!!
Police Office 809-320-8510
Police Car 809-320-8840
APC Office 809-970-7877
APC Gate Security 809-970-7015
Codetel 809-220-1111
Edenorte - emergency 809-261-1844
Edenorte - office 809-586-9823
Costambar Taxi Stand 809-970-7318
Canada 809-586-5761
Britain 809-586-4244
U.S.A. 809-586-4204
German 809-586-6995
Italian 809-320-7601
Clinica Bournigal 809-586-2342
Clinica Brugal 809-586-2519
Los Tropicos Pharmacy 809-970-7607
12 CNN 51 CINE CANAL
22 FOX SPORT 56 SPEED
28 BOOMERANG 57 ANIMAL PLANET
30 ABC 64 SCI-FI
31 NBC 66 FOOD
32 CBS 69 DISCOVERY KIDS
33 TBS 70 WEATHER
34 CNBC 71 CINEMAX
35 ESPN-1 72 SHOWTIME
36 WGN 74 STARZ
37 CDN 79 NASA
40 TNT 80 JETIX
42 USA 81 CARTOON
43 ESPN-2 83 TNT LA
44 DISCOVERY 84 HISTORY
46 DISNEY 85 THE FILM ZONE
49 HBO
Since more and more Seniors are texting andtweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC(Senior Texting Code).ATD: At The Doctor'sBFF: Best Friend FaintedBTW: Bring The WheelchairBYOT: Bring Your Own TeethCBM: Covered By MedicareCUATSC: See You At The Senior CenterDWI: Driving While IncontinentFWB: Friend With Beta BlockersFWIW: Forgot Where I WasFYI: Found Your InsulinGGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!GHA: Got Heartburn AgainHGBM: Had Good Bowel MovementIMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?LMDO: Laughing, My Dentures OutLOL: Living On LipitorLWO: Lawrence Welk's OnOMMR: On My Massage ReclinerOMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.ROTFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... AndCan't Get UpSGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go PoopTTYL: Talk To You LouderWAITT: Who Am I Talking To?WTFA: Wet The Furniture AgainWTP: Where's The Prunes?WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
BRAIN TEASER!I have no feet but I can run. I give you healthand give you fun!What am I?
SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 14SUDOKU PUZZLESFill in the missing numbers so every row, column andquadrant contains the number 1 through 9.
BREAKFAST
YENNY’S MARKETEverything You Need
At Good Prices!Open 8:00am to 9:30pm daily
Calle Principal, CostambarTel: 809-970-3028
COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
Contact UsTel: 809-970-7507Cell: 809-449-1820
Email:costambarmonthly
@yahoo.ca
THE BEST VALUE FOR YOUR ADVERTISING PESO!
GOT A SMALL BUSINESS?NEED MORE EXPOSURE?COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
BUSINESS CARD DIRECTORYCAN GET YOU THAT EXPOSURE
BREAKING THE BUDGET!
PAINTER DAVEQuality Painting
In thePuerto Plata Area
829-632-3152
EXPERT EXTERIOR PAINTINGAND PRESSURE WASHING
OF BUILDINGS AND HOUSES
Client References AvailableGeneral Maintenance Work Also
Jesus Mendez809-970-7276
809-451-5379 cell
Retired English TeacherNow Living in Costambar
Available for Tutoring beginning January 2011English as a Second Language
Homework AssistanceExam Preparation
PASOLA/SCOOTER RENTALSSmall/One Person Scooter RD$500 per dayLarge/Two Person Scooter RD$700 per day
Costambar, Puerto Plata809-848-9009 Sylvia
809-877-0178 Yordeny (Spanish only)
AVAILABLE FORWeddings, Birthdays,Self Improvement Or
Church Groups.We cater or bring your own food.
Ask about special rates forcharitable events.
A beautiful, tranquil, private andcontrolled setting.
LOOK FOR CLASSES INMeditation and Yoga.
Come work out with
Raquetball,
Handball
and Wallyball.
Wireless Internet
Big Screen Movies and Concerts
LUXURY VILLA RENTAL AT CASA LOASE BY THE WEEKwww.casaloase.com
Call Jose for Info809-837-6845 or 809-970-7861www.loase.com
LoaseVilla
FLEA MARKET!!!EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH
Starting at 10amFREE TO VENDORS!!!
LIVE MUSIC!STARTING BETWEEN
3:30 & 5PM(depending on power!)
CONVERSATIONAL SPANISH CLASSESEVERY WEEKEND
The Center for Disease Control has issued a medi-cal alert about a highly contagious, potentiallydangerous virus that is transmitted orally, byhand, and even electronically.This virus is called Weekly Overload RecreationalKiller (WORK). If you receive WORK from yourboss, any of your colleagues or anyone else viaany means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!!This virus will wipe out your private life entirely.If you should come into contact with WORK youshould immediately leave the premises.Take two good friends to the nearest liquor storeand purchase one or both of the antidotes - WorkIsolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bother-some Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK hasbeen completely eliminated from your system.You should immediately forward this medicalalert to five friends. If you do not have fivefriends, you have already been infected andWORK is controlling your life.
I am passing this on to you because it definitelyworks, and we could all use a little more calmnessin our lives. By following simple advice heard onthe Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. DrPhil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peaceis to finish all the things you have started andhave never finished."So, I looked around my house to see all the things Istarted and hadn't finished, and before leaving thehouse this morning, I finished off a bottle of WhiteZinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a pack-age of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac pre-scription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos,a box of chocolates and a half bottle of scotch.You have no idea how freaking good I feel rightnow!!
SAY YOUSAW IT IN
COSTAMBAR
MONTHLY!Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil. It willstay fresh much longer and not mold!
We launch our bi-monthly film series with ashowing of , last year’sOscar winning foreign language film. A hauntingmasterpiece from Argentina.
for Puerto Plata’s Non-profitEnglish Bookstore and Resource Center
HIGHLIGHTS FROM OUR JANUARY PROGRAM
REGULAR ACTIVITIES:Pilates, Information for Visitors, Social Events
Exhibitions: Crafts, Quilts, Photos, Art
Reception for the book launch of
by Ginnie Bedggood andIlana Benady.
On the first anniversary of the Teatro-Escuela IvanGarcia, Groupe Balsamo presents
, based on Julia Alvarez’, with English translation.
The inauguration of a regular series of expert-leddiscussions on topics and books of special interestto The Meeting Place community. We begin withNobel Laureate Vargas Llosa’s
Tea and refreshments accompany the discussion.
VISIT US - Juan Bosch (JFK) 60(2 blocks NE of Central Park, Bus ‘B’)M-F 11 to 5:30 809 261 7393
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the gar-den, you walked with us every day. Now we do notsee you any more. We are lonesome here, and it isdifficult for us to remember how much you love us.'And God said, I will create a companion for youthat will be with you and who will be a reflectionof my love for you, so that you will love me evenwhen you cannot see me. Regardless of how self-ish or childish or unlovable you may be, this newcompanion will accept you as you are and will loveyou as I do, in spite of yourselves.'And God created a new animal to be a companionfor Adam and Eve.And it was a good animal and God was pleased.And the new animal was pleased to be with Adamand Eve and he wagged his tail.And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all theanimals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of aname for this new animal.'And God said, 'I have created this new animal to bea reflection of my love for you, his name will be areflection of my own name, and you will call himDOG.'And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was acompanion to them and loved them.And they were comforted. And God was pleased.And Dog was content and wagged his tail.After a while, it came to pass that an angel came tothe Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve havebecome filled with pride. They strut and preen likepeacocks and they believe they are worthy ofadoration. Dog has indeed taught them that theyare loved, but perhaps too well.'And God said, I will create for them a companionwho will be with them and who will see them asthey are. The companion will remind them of theirlimitations, so they will know that they are notalways worthy of adoration.'And God created CAT to be a companion to Adamand Eve. And Cat would not obey them. And whenAdam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they werereminded that they were not the supreme beings.And Adam and Eve learned humility.And they were greatly improved.And God was pleased..And Dog was happy.And Cat . . .didn't give a shit one way or the other.
Fresh bread dailyPizzaDessertDrinksBreakfast all day longGourmet German Food ProductsSoups, Sauces, Stews, Liverwurst, Pickles,
C/ Los Mangos, Phone: 809-970-3083 cell 829-986-0005Open from 8:00 am to 7:00 pm, Closed on Tuesdays
R&B German BakeryTHE BEST FOOD IN COSTAMBAR!
WIRELESS INTERNET!Please, take care of yourself on the roads. A recentjoint study conducted by the Department of Healthand the Department of Motor Vehicles indicatesthat 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.This means that the remaining 77% are caused byassholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks,juices, milk, water, and shit like that. Therefore,beware of those who do not drink alcohol. Theycause three times as many accidents.
Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats andanother 2, how many will you have?Johnny: Seven sir.Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 catsand another 2 cats and another 2, how many willyou have?Johnny: Seven.Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gaveyou 2 apples and another 2 apples and another 2,how many will you have?Johnny: Six.Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats andanother 2 cats and another 2, how many will youhave?Johnny: Seven!!Very angry teacher: Where the heck do you getseven from?!?Very angry Johnny: Because I've already got afreakin' cat at home!!
Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On hisdownswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was tee-ing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him.Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit herdirectly in the temple, killing her instantly. A fewdays later, Verne got a call from the coroner regard-ing her autopsy.Coroner : "Verne, your wife seemed to have diedfrom blunt force trauma to the head. You said youhit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that cor-rect?"Verne: "Yes, sir, that's correct."Coroner: "Well, inexplicably I found a golf ballwedged up her butt."Verne: "Was it a Titleist 3?"Coroner: "Yes, it was."Verne: "That was my mulligan."
BEGINNER INTERMEDIATE
HIDDEN MESSAGEOrange Juice
BRAIN TEASER ANSWERWater!
PASCUAL FAST FOODPLAYA COSTAMBAR
Specializing in Live Lobsters & SeafoodSandwiches & Dominican Food
Open Daily 9am to 7pm
For Parties, Events & ReservationsCall 829-464-4071
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a NorthCarolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.On his first day in basic training, the Army issuedhim a comb. That afternoon the Army barbersheared off all his hair.On his second day, the Army issued Herman atoothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentistyanked seven of his teeth.On the third day, the Army issued him a jockstrap.The Army has been looking for Herman for 51years.
A man is stumbling through the woods totallydrunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizingpeople in the river. The drunk walks into the waterand subsequently bumps into the preacher. Thepreacher turns around and is almost overcome bythe smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk,
"Are you ready to find Jesus?""Yes I am" replies the drunk, so the preacher grabshim and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up andasks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"The drunk replies, "No, I haven't."The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks himinto the water again, but for a bit longer this time.He pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Haveyou found Jesus, my brother? "The drunk againanswers, "No, I have not found Jesus." By this timethe preacher is at his wits end so he dunks thedrunk in the water again, but this time he holds himdown for about 30 seconds. When the drunk beginskicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.The preacher asks the drunk again, "For the love ofGod, have you found Jesus?"The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breathand says to the preacher, "Are you sure this iswhere he fell in?"
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One hada Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua .As they walked down the street, the one with theDoberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to thatbar for a drink."The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go inthere...we've got the dogs with us."The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, anddo as I do."They walked over to the bar and the one with theDoberman put on a pair of dark glasses and startedto walk in.The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no petsallowed."The woman with the Doberman said, "You don'tunderstand. This is my seeing-eye dog."The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now.They're very good."The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."The lady with the Chihuahua thought thatconvincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eyedog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,"Whatthe heck," so she put on her dark glasses and start-ed to walk in.Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no petsallowed."The woman said, "You don't understand. This is myseeing-eye dog."The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"The woman said indignantly, "A Chihuahua ? Theygave me a freaking Chihuahua?!"
Two Newfies, Archie and Harry, were driving downthe road drinking a couple of beers.The passenger, Harry, suddenly said, 'Lordtundering...up ahead -- it's a police roadblock!!We're gonna get busted for drinkin' dese herebeers!!''Don't worry,' Archie said. 'We'll just pull over andfinish dese beers, then peel off the label, stick it onour foreheads, and throw the bottles under theseat.''What fer?''Jist let me do de talkin', OK?'So they finished their beers, threw the empties outof sight and put a label on each of their foreheads.When they reached the roadblock, the police officertook a long look at the two of them and said, 'Youboys been drinkin'?''No sir,' said Archie, pointing at the labels.'We're on the patch.'
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