costambar monthly march 2013

March 2013

Yenny’s MarketCatamaran Beach BarBieke’s BarHappy HippoEl CareySyl’s PlaceHarley y RockCostambar Community Center & Library

Supermercado TropicalRestaurant ChinoThe Meeting PlacePuerto Plata Beach ResortBig Lee’s Beach Bar

Ocean World MarinaLos Charros

Los Tres Cocos

What To Do This MonthUseful Telephone Numbers

Classified AdsCostambar Cable Channel

ListingThe Rainy Day PageAnd Lots Of Other

Fun Stuff!!SUPERSTORE ARRIVES IN D.R!

Well, it was bound to happen. The expansion ofone of North America’s largest stores has finallyfound it’s way to our island. Thankfully, they’vedone a nice job of assimilating into the localculture! Their new slogan - ‘Cheapy! Cheapy!’

Costambar Monthly page 2

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to trysomething different. Fine dining at it’s best! Call809-993-4503 for details.

At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you’ll findgreat food at great prices enjoyed with a milliondollar view! Every day they have PowerHour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Help Paulcelebrate his birthday on March 30th! And comingsoon - WIFI!!! They also hold a monthly FleaMarket on the last Saturday of every monthbeginning at 10am. No cost to vendors!

Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food onthe North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations- on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and callePrincipal in Cabarete.

The Meeting Place starts the month with abriefing on changing Dominican immigration rulesfollowed by a Q&A on March 2 at 1:30pm. Apresentation on the U.S. & D.R. - past, present &future will be held on March 9 at 1:30pm. TheOscar winning film Argo will be shown on March 16at 1:30pm. An open forum on the prospects oftourism on the North Coast will be held on March23 at 1:30pm. Another movie will be shown onMarch 30 at 1:30pm - send them your suggestions.

Big Lee’s Beach Bar on the Malecon has greatfood deals at their Little Snack Shack! AmazingFish & Chips, big juicy burgers and yummysandwiches. Every Tuesday & Thursday enjoy acuba/santo libre for only RD$50 or Jose Cuervo foronly RD$100 and every Friday is Cheap Beer Day -Presidente RD$90 & Bohemia RD$80!! Now openfor breakfast at 10am!

Bieke’s Bar - the first bar in & the last bar out ofCostambar! Drop by Saturdays for Costambar’sBest Burger! Check out the blackboards for brunchand evening food specials during the week!

The Happy Hippo & Pedro’s Kitchen offer greatfood & great fun! On March 2nd at 4pm there willbe a live jam session with Bob, Mike & Alan - feelfree to join in! March 10 at 3pm live music with

Melky. On March 24 at 3pm Karaoke Jepols. March17 is Pedro’s famous BBQ ribs with Country &Western music! Pedro has a chef’s special everyThursday for only RD$222!! Enquire about their ArtEco tours to Cabarete!

Puerto Plata Beach Club, the newest communityfor foreign residents, offers all expats theopportunity to use their facilities. Or why notspend the day at their large swimming pool foronly RD$200? They will also make their facilitiesavailable for activities such as playing cards,chess, BBQ’s, yoga or exercise classes, meetingsor whatever else North Coast expats enjoy doing.They now offer a spa, bar and cafeteria for yourenjoyment.

Syl’s Place always has a great food & fun!Mondays - dinner & a movie! Tuesdays - darts!Wednesday - closed. Thursday - Quiz & dinner!Friday - Killer Nite! Saturday - Karaoke! And don’tforget their daily dinner specials! All their greatfood can be delivered for free in Costambar! Andevery Saturday it’s Karaoke and a dinner special!They also have satellite radio with some greatoldies stations!

Kevin & Patricia invite you to El Carey Restaurant- where you can enjoy the beach your way!! Youcan enjoy great food & drinks inside, in theirgarden or under parasols on the beach. They haveDominican food, burgers, pizza & more. The housespecialty is garlic shrimp and you should tryKevin’s Mama Juana and piña colada’s! They’vegot lots happening! Every day from 7-8pm it’sHappy Hour with 2X1 cuba/santo libres! And everySunday at 2pm is Karaoke with party makerSegundo! Try their new empanadas! They wouldlove to host your next event.

Los Charros has some great March specials! Allmonth they are celebrating the Month of theWoman - so ladies drop by and say ‘Viva la Mujer’to your waitress to get your first cocktails withmeal for 2X1!! Every weekend in March they haveamazing seafood specials! And Sunday March 31they are holding an Easter Egg Hunt with lots offun & activities for children of all ages!!!!

Harley y Rock offers real Italian pizza & pastaswith the best prices on the North Coast! Get amedium pepperoni pizza for only RD$225!


“Feel the Breeze - Feel Free”…and SafeCome Be Part of a New Community for Foreign Residents!

Our Best OfferOne time fee of US$225- 6 months prepaid: US$1050- next 6 months US$175 per month- no A/C, furniture available- penthouse apt. with cathedral ceilings US$299- offer valid until March 31, 2013

Monthly Payment OptionApartments available fromUS$299 per monthLuxury Ocean View apartmentsfrom US$400US-$1100 per month

- furnished or bring your own- with or without A/C

Hotel Roomsfrom US$69 per room per night24 hour electricity and security

50% discount for residents’family and friends

A ONE OF A KIND LIFESTYLEOn The Malecon in Puerto Plata

Bar - Spa - Cafeteria

Puerto Plata Beach Club

809-586-4243www.puertoplatabeachclub.comEmail [email protected]

Twitter: @ppbeachclubFacebook: Ptoplabeachclub Apartments


COMING SOON - WIFI!!!!!

COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT

PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

FLEA MARKET!!!EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH Starting at 10am

FREE TO VENDORS!

Every FridayCHEAP BEER DAY!!!

PresidenteRD$90

BohemiaRD$80

Every Tuesday& Thursday

CUBA/SANTA LIBRESRD$50Made with

Brugal Anejo or BlancoJOSE CUERV0

RD$100

NEW!!!Breakfast

Available at 10amFull Menu

Noon to 8 p.m.

Full RD$300Half RD$200

SATURDAY MARCH 30THPAUL’S BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!

PIZZA AVAILABLE ON REQUESTMEDIUM RD$350 (6-8 slices)

One day, Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman, andPaddy Scotsman walked into a pub together. Theyproceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness.Just as they were about to enjoy their creamybeverage, three flies landed in each of their pintsand got stuck in the thick head.Paddy Englishman pushed his beer away from himin disgust.Paddy Scotsman fished the offending fly out of hisbeer and continued drinking it as if nothing hadhappened.The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink,held it out over the beer and then started yelling:"AH YOU LITTLE THIEF! SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!"

Five Scotsmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at anIrish border checkpoint. Paddy the officer stopsthem and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people ina Quattro, Quattro means four.""Quattro is just the name of the automobile," theScotsmen retorts in disbelief. "Look at the papers:this car is designed to carry five persons.""You can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy"Quattro means four. You have five people in yourcar and you are therefore breaking the law."The Scotsmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call yoursupervisor over. I want to speak to someone withmore intelligence!""Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2guys in a Fiat Uno."

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and getsstopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state troopersmells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees anempty wine bottle on the floor of the car.He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water,"says the priest.The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He'sdone it again!"

A guy in the locker room saw another guy with apiece of cork up his butt.''Why do you have a cork up your butt?''''Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walkingon the beach and I tripped over a bottle and wokeup a genie who said he would grant me one wish. Isaid, 'No shit!'''


Restaurant ChinoBest Chinese Food Onthe North Coast! TwoGreat Locations! EatIn or Takeout!Xiang Wan JiaPlaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata809-261-5609Calle Principal, Cabarete809-571-0385

OPEN FROM12 NOON

SATURDAYSBIEKE BURGERS!!

CHECK OUR BOARDFOR

BRUNCH & EVENINGFOOD SPECIALS!

1. You never know when it will strike, but therecomes a moment at work when you know that youjust aren't going to do anything productive for therest of the day.2. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comesafter Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart mycollection...again.3. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out ofWord and it asks me if I want to save any changesto my ten-page technical report that I swear I didnot make any changes to.4. I keep some people's phone numbers in myphone just so I know not to answer when they call.5. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.6. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on anygiven Friday or Saturday night more kisses beginwith Miller Lite than Kay.7. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto"routing option.8. I have a hard time deciphering the fine linebetween boredom and hunger.

Open 11am-3pm and 6pm-12amClosed Monday

REAL ITALIAN PIZZA AND PASTASREAL ITALIAN PIZZA AND PASTASWITH THE BEST PRICES ONWITH THE BEST PRICES ON

THE NORTH COAST!!THE NORTH COAST!!

MEDIUMPEPPERONI

PIZZA8 SLICES

ONLYRD$225!!!

ON THE BEACH!

It was a small town and the patrolman was makinghis evening rounds.. As he was checking a used carlot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in aused car..He stopped and asked them why they were sittingthere in the car or were they trying to steal it?'Heavens no, we bought it.''Then why don't you drive it away.'We can't drive.'Then why did you buy it?''We were told that if we bought a used car herewe'd get screwed ......so we're just waiting.


INTERNATIONAL GOURMETCUISINE

&AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

WELCOME TOKEVIN & PATRICIA’S EL CAREY

Where you can enjoy the beach your way!

Calle Reina Isabel, Costambar, Puerto PlataSpanish 809-918-1448 English 809-924-8233

CLOSED MONDAYS

Also available for parties, weddings, etc.

HAPPY HOUR EVERY DAY 7-8pm!2X1 Cuba/Santo Libres

With Brugal blanco or anejoEVERY SUNDAY 2pm!

KARAOKE with party maker SegundoPresidente Grandes only RD$100!!!!

NEW!! EMPANADAS!Filled with cheese & jalapenos or cheese & shrimp!

Try Kevin’s Mama Juana & Pina Coladas!

A PREVIEW OF THE MARCH 2013 PROGRAM*Saturday March 2, 1:30 pm Changing Dominican immigrationand visa rules: A briefing by Dr. Julio Brea and Ana Miranda,attorneys at Guzmán Ariza, followed by a Q and A sessionSaturday, March 9, 1:30 pm Luis Midence, specialist in LatinAmerican history at PUCMM University in Santiago, The UnitedStates and the Dominican Republic, Past, Present and FutureSaturday March 16, 1:30 pm The Film Club presents the Oscarbound film Argo. American diplomats manage to get out of theAyatollah’s Tehran by pretending to be Canadians.Saturday March 23, 1:30 pm OPEN FORUM. Prospects forTourism on the North Coast, with Maximo Yglesias, Chairmanof the Cluster and Director of the Luperon Airport and RobertoCasoni, President of the Playa Dorado Hotel Association.Saturday March 30, 1:30 pm The Film Club plans to presentanother popular film. Send suggestions to:[email protected]*Please note: This program is subject to change. Please consult the Meeting Placewebsite: www.MeetingplacePuertoPlata.com

Tuesday to Friday11- 5:30Saturday

11- 4

[email protected] 809-261-7393/829-455-6110Juan Bosch (JFK) 60 (2 blocks NE of Central Park)

Puerto Plata’s non-profit English Bookstore and Resource Center

FOR OUR ENGLISH READERS!Tesco are giving double clubcard pointson burgers & petrol starting on Monday.The deal is called ‘Only Fuel & Horses’!!


FINALLY, the guys' side of the story.We always hear 'the rules' from the female side.Now here are the rules from the male side:These are our rules!Please note. These are all numbered #1 on purpose!1. Men are not mind readers.1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it'sup, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. Youdon't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.1. Crying is blackmail.1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work!Just say it!1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers toalmost every question.1.. Come to us with a problem only if you want helpsolving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what yourgirlfriends are for.1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in anargument. In fact, all comments become null and voidafter 7 days.1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.1. If something we said can be interpreted two waysand one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meantthe other one.1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us howyou want it done. Not both. If you already know besthow to do it, just do it yourself.1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have tosay during commercials.1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions andneither do we.1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows defaultsettings..Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' wewill act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,but it is just not worth the hassle.1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,expect an answer you don't want to hear..1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anythingyou wear is fine...really.1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless youare prepared to discuss such topics as football or motorsports.1. You have enough clothes.1. You have too many shoes.1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, i know, i have tosleep on the couch tonight.. But did you know menreally don't mind that? It's like camping...


MONDAYS!ALL THINGS CHILI!

WEDNESDAYCLOSED!

THURSDAYQUIZ NIGHT!!FRIDAYS!!!!

FISH & CHIPS/ONION RINGS!!!SATURDAYS!

CHICKEN DUMPLING STEW!SUNDAYS

BEER BUTT CHICKEN

809-848-9009

MONDAYS - Dinner & A Movie!TUESDAYS - Darts!

THURSDAYS - Quiz & DinnerSpecial!

FRIDAYS - Killer!SATURDAYS - Karaoke!

WHAT DO YOU CALL A POPE WHO RESIGNS????

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children'ssermon. During the sermon, he asked the childrenif they knew what the resurrection was. Now,asking questions during children's sermons iscrucial, but at the same time, asking childrenquestions in front of a congregation can also bevery dangerous.Having asked the children if they knew themeaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised hishand. The pastor called on him and the little boysaid, "I know that if you have a resurrection thatlasts more than four hours you are supposed tocall the doctor."It took over ten minutes for the congregation tosettle down enough from their laughter for theworship service to be continued.

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?AT&T fired President John Walter after ninemonths, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.He received a $26 million severance package.Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS.Police in Oakland , CA spent two hoursattempting to subdue a gunman who hadbarricaded himself inside his home. After firingten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that theman was standing beside them in the police line,shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive totwo different automated teller machines, whereinthe kidnapper proceeded to withdraw moneyfrom his own bank accounts!4. THE GETAWAY!A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stopand asked for all the money in the cash drawer.Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied upthe store clerk and worked the counter himself forthree hours until police showed up and grabbedhim.5. DID I SAY THAT???Police in Los Angeles had good luck with arobbery suspect who just couldn't control himselfduring a lineup. When detectives asked each manin the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me allyour money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'That'snot what I said!'


CLEAR FIBERGLASS7 GALLON

PROPANE CYLINDER TANK24” TALL & 12” DIAMETERTanks & valves are brand new

Made in the USAAlways know how much gas

you get or have left!Lightweight & rustproof!ONLY RD$2500

CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819

CHARTS AVAILABLEGet your

nautical charts of theBahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands,

Providenciales and HispaniolaFrom

Rosa at Luperon Swap MeetWendy’s Bar in Luperon

Ocean World Marina in Cofresi

If you have difficulty callColin at 809-449-1819

BOAT NAME OF THE MONTH!


SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 12SUDOKU PUZZLESFill in the missing numbers so every row, column andquadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

BASKETBALL

Across1. Amusing5. Associate6. Run7. Trigonometric

functionDown1. Compatibility2. Physician3. Dressing4. Sincere

Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid.The remaining letters spell a hidden message

ASSISTBACKBOARDBALLBASKETBENCHBLOCKCENTERCLOCKCOACHCOURTDRIBBLING

FOULFREE THROWGAMEHALF-TIMEHOOPJERSEYLAY-UPNETOUT OFBOUNDSOVERTIME

PASSINGPLAYERPOINT GUARDPOINTSPOWERFORWARDQUARTERREBOUNDREFEREERIMSCOREBOARD

SHOOTINGGUARDSHOTSLAM DUNKSMALL FORWARDSNEAKERSSUBSTITUTIONSTEAMTHREE POINTERTIME-OUTTRAVELING


Police Office 809-320-8510

Police Car 809-320-8840

APC Office 809-970-7877

APC Gate Security 809-970-7015

Codetel 809-220-1111

Edenorte - emergency 809-261-1844

Edenorte - office 809-586-9823

Costambar Taxi Stand 809-970-7318

Canada 809-586-5761

Britain 809-586-4244

U.S.A. 809-586-4204

German 809-586-6995

Italian 809-320-7601

Clinica Bournigal 809-586-2342

Clinica Brugal 809-586-2519

Los Tropicos Pharmacy 809-970-7607

12 CNN 51 CINE CANAL

22 FOX SPORT 56 SPEED

28 BOOMERANG 57 ANIMAL PLANET

30 ABC 64 SCI-FI

31 NBC 66 FOOD

32 CBS 69 DISCOVERYKIDS

33 TBS 70 WEATHER

34 CNBC 71 CINEMAX

35 ESPN-1 72 SHOWTIME

36 WGN 74 STARZ

37 CDN 79 NASA

40 TNT 80 JETIX

42 USA 81 CARTOON

43 ESPN-2 83 TNT LA

44 DISCOVERY 84 HISTORY

46 DISNEY 85 THE FILM ZONE

49 HBOLOCAL

SUSTAINABILITY& ENVIRONMENTAL

INITIATIVE

PROJECTS INCLUDE:Organic FarmingAquaponicsFish Farming (with ISA University)Community Cacao Nursery (with IDIAF)Conservation

The overall mission is to teach healthy,cost-effective alternatives which areenvironmentally sound.

Willard Taylor, who established this model farm,has a background in psychology, human rightsand service and international missionary work.

Donations of funds and materials to help andexpand this initiative are greatly appreciated.

For more info email [email protected] call 829-663-3815Willard invites all calls, emails, visits orforms of investigation into his project.


BEGINNER INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGEThe inventor of basketball was

James Naismith

The author is available every Sunday at 5pm at The CatamaranRestaurant on Costambar Beach to discuss his program andanswer any questions. Books are available to purchase.

More Info at www.ramilife.com

RamiLife - Way to Inner Happiness

SPECIAL OFFER!BOOK“My Way to Inner Happiness”Regular Price RD$900DVDWith Yoga, Edukinensthetik& Qi GongRegular Price RD$900

DURING THE MONTH OF MARCHBook & DVD together for only RD$900!


Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology,Acupressure, & Hot StonePhysical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic DrainageManicure & Pedicure: Regular & IntensiveBraids & Hair Extensions & Mens HaircutsFacials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse ServicesNatural Health & Beauty ProductsASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS.Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointmentService to the home. Transportation available.#14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

RD$1230 Includes DentalRD$1480 with Drugs

Aquacero, Malecon, Puerto Plata 5pmBieke’s Bar, Costambar 6:30pm

Or call Petra & Marcel Bahr1-809-885-2155

Free Estimates! Reasonable Prices! All Insurances Accepted! English Spoken!Free Parking D’Jimenez Store! Open Mon-Fri 8am-7pm & Sat 8am-12pm

calle Camino Real #282nd FloorPuerto PlataTel: 809-586-1707Cell: 809-903-6457

Post Graduate, Biomedical Research S.L., Spain

Full Range of Dental ServicesDental Implants * Teeth Whitening * Orthodonitics

Preventative & Cosmetic Dental Services

MemoryWhile on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at aroadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing theirmeal, they left the restaurant and resumed theirtrip.When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly lefther glasses on the table. And she didn't miss themuntil after they had been driving about twentyminutes. By then, they had to travel quite adistance before they could find a place to turnaround in order to return to the restaurant toretrieve her glasses.All the way back, the elderly husband fussed andcomplained and scolded his wife relentlessly. Themore he chided her, the more agitated he became.He just wouldn't let up one minute.To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurantand as the woman got out of the car and hurriedinside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelledto her, "While you're in there, you might as wellget my hat."


A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He washit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shotsolicitor was questioning Paddy: 'Didn't you say tothe police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'asked the solicitor.Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you whathappened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie,into da... ''I didn't ask for any details', the solicitorinterrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you notsay, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailerand I was drivin' down da road.... 'The solicitor interrupted again and said: 'YourHonour, I am trying to establish the fact that, atthe scene of the accident, this man told the policeon the scene that he was fine. Now several weeksafter the accident, he is trying to sue my client. Ibelieve he is a fraud. Please tell him to simplyanswer the question.'By this time, the Judge was fairly interested inPaddy's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like tohear what he has to say about his favourite cow,Bessie'.Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded: 'Well as Iwas saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'ritcow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down deroad when this huge Eversweet truck and trailercame tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailerright in da side. I was trown into one ditch andBessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I washurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move.However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' andgroanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by hergroans. Shortly after da accident, a policeman on amotorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin'and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After helooked at her, and saw her condition, he took outhis gun and shot her between the eyes.Den da policeman came across de road, gun still inhand, looked at me, and said: 'How are you feelin'?''Now wot da fock would you say?'

OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS)Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm

Everything you need from snacks to supper!Delivery Service Available!

Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate)809-970-3028

Karaoke TropicalFor Any Event Of Your Choice

With Animation inEnglish, Spanish, German and French

Lyrics in 7 LanguagesInternational Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172Email [email protected]

SOUND RENTAL


PLUMBER OF THE MONTH AWARD!

Former Dominican guagua driverbecomes electrician!

There’s always room for one more!!!

A Newfie and a Torontonian entered a chocolatestore. As they were busy looking, the Torontonianstole 3 chocolate bars. As they left the store, theTorontonian said to the Newfie:"Man I'm the best thief, I stole 3 chocolates and noone saw me. You can't beat that."Newfie replied: "You want to see somethingbetter? Let's go back to the shop and I'll showyou real stealing."So they went to the counter and the Newfie saidto the shopkeeper:"Do you want to see magic ?" The shopkeeperreplied: "Yes."The Newfie said: "Give me one chocolate bar."The shopkeeper gave him one, and he ate it.The Newfie asked for a second bar, and he ate thatas well.He asked for the third, and finished that one too.The shopkeeper asked: "But where's the magic?"The Newfie replied: "Check in my friend's pocket,and you'll find all three bars of chocolate."


VIVERO MAIMONGREEN THUMB

Landscaping and Gardening Maintenance Services

Palms, Flowering and Foliage PlantsBEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST!!!

OPENMonday to Friday 8am-5pm

Saturday 8am-noon

George Roesch809-543-8041 Km 11

Carretera PP-ImbertJust past

‘The Fish Places’


Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only beplaced by emailing [email protected] calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items.Commercial properties or enterprises (including realestate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds willusually be run for one month only unless we are otherwisenotified.

IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you toservices every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are inSpanish. Children activities. Before Costambar GateSecurity, turn on the right side toward the powerplant, 100 meters on the right side.

LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? ORUSING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THENWHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBAR’S FLEA MARKET AT THECATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OFTHE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!

CLASSIFIEDS

FOR SALEOutboard 15 hp - 4 stroke1000$dinghy caribe 13 feet with latte800$ both are negotiableUS Microwave oven GE, comboconvection and grilloven,stainless steel inside andout,rack for grilling and broiling200$US Nice spear gun ab biller32special 100$Boat stereo 30$Wet suit 30$Life jacket 10$Snorkels 5$Dog vest 20$Fire extinguisher 10$Power cord 30$50 to 30 adapter 100$Fishing poles (3)80$ eachJoanne 829-319-0572 or e-mail:[email protected]

WANTEDI am looking for 2 bedrooms, 2bathrooms apartment with apool. Long term. Does not haveto be in Costambar.Call 849-785-23 98 afternoonsor evenings.

FOR SALEAssorted packaging materials. Cheap.Call 809-244-4432

FOR SALE1991 Ford Escort, Automatic, 4door hatchback, runs well,good on gas. OriginalMarticula, 809-543-0728,[email protected]

FOR SALELaptop, Dell Vostro 1510,15.6”, core duo 1.8ghz, ram2.00gb, HDD 160 GORD$12,000Call 829-705-0044

FOR SALEElectric knife, Black & Decker,never used $600RDSmall GE microwave oven$1500RD809-970-7123 or 1-809-654-7165 (English only)

Costambar CommunityCenter & LibraryOpen 9am-5pm

Monday-SaturdayLocated next to

the Farmacia(courtesy of Mark Gill)

Separate English &foreign language

book rooms

FOR SALE15 KW diesel generator 4cylinder Kubota diesel engine,1800 RPM brushless generatorhead , Made by Phaser. Thisunit has low hours approx 400hrs. Unit new is 7500.00 in thestates, asking 5000.00 or bestoffer Joanne 829 319-0572

FOR SALEHotpoint full capacity washer.Beige. Works well. RD $6,000.Call 829.259.3413 or [email protected]

FOR SALEMovie projector system formovie screen size RD$12000.Pfaff sewing machine, heavyduty, needs repair RD$5000. 2flat screens RD$1000. PrinterRD$1000. Keyboard RD$500.DVD players, need repairRD$200each. Amplifier, needsrepair RD$200.Radio antennaeRD$50. Yagie satelliteantennae RD$500. Ziar satellitesystem RD2000. Raycor oilfilters RD$200each.Motorcyclehelmets RD$250each. YamahaEnduro outboard motor, lowhours RD$450000. Utilitytrailer, 2002, snmb wgt 497lbs,low miles RD$20000. HondaHero 150 motorcycleRD$35000.Call 809-743-75125 or809-836-8523

FOR SALEHonda CRV 2000 forRD$255,000 Diane & VictorCall 809 261 3795

FOR SALE1993 Mazda B1600 4 doorpickup truck. Manualtransmission and excellenttransportation. $1995.00 USD.809-858-0333. Ask for Colin.


www.CaonaboEnterprises.comYour new life In the Dominican Republic STARTS HERE

We build houses, we rent houses, we sell houses!Check out our extensive listings and give us a call.

for English, call Mike @809 571-1741for Spanish, call Sofia @829 421-8575

for German/French, call Francisco @829 421-8579

HOUSE FOR RENTLocated Cafemba

Main streetLong term rental3 bdrm/2 bath

Plus officeInverter power

Well waterPool

[email protected]

829-906-7012

LAND FOR SALEBeautiful lot just a couple of minutesfrom the Star Market in Puerto Plata.750 square metres, quiet road, nice

neighbourhood.Mountain view and harbour views.Spectacular view of the city lights

at night.

A Polish man moved to the USA and married anAmerican girl. Although his English was notperfect, they got along very well. One day herushed into a lawyer's office and asked him toarrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said thatgetting a divorce would depend on thecircumstances, and asked him the followingquestions:Have you any grounds?Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?It made of concrete.I don't think you understand. Does either of youhave a real grudge?No, we have carport, and not need one.I mean what are your relations like?All my relations still in Poland .Is there any infidelity in your marriage?We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.Does your wife beat you up?No, I always up before her.Is your wife a nagger?No, she white.Why do you want this divorce?She going to kill me.What makes you think that?I got proof.What kind of proof?She going to poison me…She buy a bottle at drugstoreand put on shelf in bathroom.I can read English pretty good,and it says……………………………………….


A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. Hecalls to the chicken to go and get the farmer tohelp pull him out to safety.The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can'tbe found. So he drives the farmer's Porsche backto the mud hole and ties some rope around thebumper. He then throws the other end of the ropeto his friend, the horse, and drives the car forwardsaving him from sinking!A few days later, the chicken and horse wereplaying in the meadow again and the chicken fellinto the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horseto go and get some help from the farmer.The horse said, 'I think I can stand over the hole!'So he stretched over the width of the hole andsaid, 'Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up.'And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.The moral of the story:If you are hung like a horse, you don't need aPorsche to pick up chicks

costambar monthly march 2013

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