costambar monthly february 2013

February 2013

Yenny’s MarketLoase Resort/Sam’s BarCatamaran Beach BarBieke’s BarHappy HippoEl CareySyl’s PlaceTaste RestaurantLas Rocas RestaurantHarley y RockCostambar Community Center & Library

Supermercado TropicalRestaurant ChinoThe Meeting PlacePuerto Plata Beach ResortBig Lee’s Beach Bar

Ocean World MarinaLos CharrosLa Tasca Los Dos

Los Tres Cocos

What To Do This MonthUseful Telephone Numbers

Classified AdsCostambar Cable Channel

ListingThe Rainy Day PageAnd Lots Of Other

Fun Stuff!!

“Life is worthliving as longas there's alaugh in it.”

L.M. MontgomeryAnne of

Green Gables

REPRINTED FROM AUGUST 2005This was originally just a tongue & cheek take on life here in theDominican Republic. Recent conversations reminded us that there isalways a bit of truth in any situation that you make light of down here!

A recent investigation of hospital and clinic recordshas revealed a previously undisclosed cause for manyserious and even life threatening injuries. TheCostambar Monthly can now reveal what tourismauthorities have tried to hide from the public butsomething that is a serious risk to your health. Thisrisk comes from something so innocuous that it ishard to believe. But health authorities are urgingpeople to take this seriously. It is injuries arisingfrom falling almonds, coconuts and palm leaves.While almonds by far do the least amount of damagethey can potentially cause serious injury on windydays when they fall in batches battering the victimrelentlessly, leaving random bruising and goose eggsize lumps on the head. It only takes one coconut tocause serious head injury to the victim but healthauthorities hate to think of the possible implicationsof someone being struck by a falling batch. Fallingpalm leaves on the other hand have the potential toinflict full body damage and, along with coconuts,are considered life threatening. Concussions, bruisingand neck injuries are all common results of thesehazardous plants. Health authorities are urgingcitizens to take precautions. On windy days theyadvise wearing a helmet. They also recommendhiring a gardener to remove all possible hazardsbefore they strike.Don’t be a victim of this plant peril in paradise!

NEW HEALTH RISK DISCOVERED ON NORTH COAST

Costambar Monthly page 2

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to trysomething different. Fine dining at it’s best! Call809-993-4503 for details.

Sam’s Cafe at Loase Resort & Spa tempts youwith Fish & Chips and Chicken Curry Specials andAll Day Breakfast. They also offer a number ofactivities for your enjoyment. Join them SundayFebruary 3rd for Superbowl XLVII on their bigscreen TV!! Treat your special someone to a fullRomantic Valentine’s Day dinner on February 14th- reservations required!

At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you’ll findgreat food at great prices enjoyed with a milliondollar view! Every day they have PowerHour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Pizza isavailable on request - RD$350 for a medium! Theyalso hold a monthly Flea Market on the lastSaturday of every month beginning at 10am. Nocost to vendors!

Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food onthe North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations- on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and callePrincipal in Cabarete.

The Meeting Place starts the month with an openforum about the cruise ships coming to Maimon onFebruary 2nd at 3pm. February 9th at 2pm will bea showing of La Violencia del Poder aboutBalaguer. A visit by the Canadian Ambassador anda showing of the film Monsieur Lazhar is onFebruary 16th at 1:30pm. They round out themonth with a discussion on the changingimmigration laws on February 23rd at 1:30pm.

Big Lee’s Beach Bar on the Malecon has greatfood deals at their Little Snack Shack! AmazingFish & Chips, big juicy burgers and yummysandwiches. Every Tuesday & Thursday enjoy acuba/santo libre for only RD$50 or Jose Cuervo foronly RD$100 and every Friday is Cheap Beer Day -Presidente RD$90 & Bohemia RD$80!!

Bieke’s Bar - the first bar in & the last bar out ofCostambar! Drop by Saturdays for Costambar’s

Best Burger! Sundays you can get a chili dog forRD$60 and throw some horseshoes! Check out theblackboards for brunch and evening food specialsduring the week!

Now open at the Happy Hippo - Pedro’s Kitchenoffering lots of specials to eat in or take out!February 3rd & 24th at 3pm is Karaoke Jepols!February 14th is their 2nd anniversary! AndFebruary 18th they are hosting the 2nd AnnualCostambar Golf Scramble! Every 3rd Sunday of themonth is Pedro’s famous BBQ ribs & countrywestern music! Drop by and see Hill van Gogh’snew collection of art!

Puerto Plata Beach Club, the newest communityfor foreign residents, offers all expats theopportunity to use their facilities. Or why notspend the day at their large swimming pool foronly RD$200? They will also make their facilitiesavailable for activities such as playing cards,chess, BBQ’s, yoga or exercise classes, meetingsor whatever else North Coast expats enjoy doing.They now offer a spa, bar and cafeteria for yourenjoyment.

Las Tasca Los Dos in Villas Cofresi is back againwith all your favourite Austrian and InternationalSpecialties! Karaoke on Fridays at 8pm!!

Syl’s Place always has a great food & fun!Mondays - all things chili. Wednesday - closed.Thursday - Quiz Nite! Friday - fish & chips/onionrings. Saturday - chicken dumpling stew. Sundays -beer butt chicken. All their great food can bedelivered for free in Costambar! This month theyare hosting Josie’s 60th Birthday Bash on February9th at 6pm! February 14th is Josie’s Quiz! And onFebruary 22nd at 8pm they have live music withIvan! And every Saturday it’s Karaoke and a dinnerspecial! They also have satellite radio with somegreat oldies stations!

Kevin & Patricia invite you to El Carey Restaurant- where you can enjoy the beach your way!! Youcan enjoy great food & drinks inside, in theirgarden or under parasols on the beach. They haveDominican food, burgers, pizza & more. The housespecialty is garlic shrimp and you should tryKevin’s Mama Juana and piña colada’s! They’vegot lots happening! Every day from 7-8pm it’sHappy Hour with 2X1 cuba/santo libres! Every


“Feel the Breeze - Feel Free”…and SafeCome Be Part of a New Community for Foreign Residents!

Our Best OfferOne time fee of US$175- 6 months prepaid: US$1050- next 6 months US$175 per month- no A/C, furniture available- penthouse apt. with cathedral ceilings US$299- offer valid until March 31, 2013

Monthly Payment OptionApartments available fromUS$299 per monthLuxury Ocean View apartmentsfrom US$400US-$1100 per month

- furnished or bring your own- with or without A/C

Hotel Roomsfrom US$69 per room per night24 hour electricity and security

50% discount for residents’family and friends

A ONE OF A KIND LIFESTYLEOn The Malecon in Puerto Plata

Bar - Spa - Cafeteria

Puerto Plata Beach Club

809-586-4243www.puertoplatabeachclub.comEmail [email protected]

Twitter: @ppbeachclubFacebook: Ptoplabeachclub Apartments


COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT

PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

FLEA MARKET!!!EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH

FREE TO VENDORS!Starting at 10am

PIZZA AVAILABLE ON REQUESTMEDIUM RD$350 (6-8 slices)

Friday at 7pm DJ Vik plays Rock, Blues, Oldies &more for you to party to! And every Sunday at 2pmis Karaoke with party maker Segundo! They wouldlove to host your next event.

Taste Restaurant in Los Mangos Golf Club has afull International menu serving breakfast, lunchand dinner with many healthy options available.They invite you to join them for a specialValentine’s Day Dinner and live music on February14th - call 809-586-3800 for more info.

Las Rocas Restaurant has been newly renovatedand reopened specializing in steaks andinternational fine food. They have an exclusivelive concert by Pascual Silva & Victoria - February8th - show starts at 8pm. For reservations call 809-852-1015. Every Friday

CHEAP BEER DAY!!!Presidente

RD$90BohemiaRD$80

Every Tuesday& Thursday

CUBA/SANTA LIBRESRD$50Made with

Brugal Anejo or BlancoJOSE CUERV0

RD$100

GREAT FOODAT INEXPENSIVE

PRICES!!KITCHEN OPENNOON TO 8PM

Full RD$300Half RD$200

Feeling lucky? Ocean World Casino offers freetransportation and free drinks for players! Open3pm to 3am. Celebrate Valentine’s Day with themon February 14th and get a free drink and $5coupon for bringing their ad with you!

Los Charros has 3 great February specials! OnSundays it’s sliders! On Wednesdays it’s giantburritos! And on Fridays try to resist 2X1 fried icecream with your lunch or dinner! They have aFeast of St. Valentines on February 14th at 6:30pmwith live music and romantic hits!

Harley y Rock offers real Italian pizza & pastaswith the best prices on the North Coast! Get amedium pepperoni pizza for only RD$200!


Restaurant ChinoBest Chinese Food Onthe North Coast! TwoGreat Locations! EatIn or Takeout!Xiang Wan JiaPlaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata809-261-5609Calle Principal, Cabarete809-571-0385

La TascaLOS DOS

INTERNATIONAL & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES!!!

Villas Cofresi809-815-6838

Every Friday starting at 8pmKARAOKE!!!

OPEN FROM12 NOON

SATURDAYSBIEKE BURGERS!!

SUNDAYSRD$60 CHILI DOGS

& HORSESHOES

CHECK OUR BOARDFOR

BRUNCH & EVENINGFOOD SPECIALS!

OFFICIALNORTHCOAST

T-SHIRT!

A guy stopped at a local gas station, and after fillinghis tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. Hestood by his car to drink his cola and watched acouple of men working along the roadside.One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep andthen move on. The other man came along behind himand filled in the hole. While one was digging a newhole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole.The men worked right past the guy with the softdrink and went on down the road."I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into atrash container and headed down the road toward themen."Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell mewhat's going on here with all this digging andrefilling?" "Well, we work for the government and we're justdoing our job," one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills itup. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't youwasting the taxpayers' money?" "You don't understand, mister," one of the men said,leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normallythere's three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole,Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirtback.Elmer's job's been cut ... so now it's just me an' Leroy


REAL ITALIAN PIZZA AND PASTASREAL ITALIAN PIZZA AND PASTASWITH THE BEST PRICES ONWITH THE BEST PRICES ON

THE NORTH COAST!!THE NORTH COAST!!Open 11am-3pm and 6pm-12am Closed Monday

On the Beach

MEDIUMPEPPERONI

PIZZA8 SLICES

ONLYRD$200!!!

Las Rocas RestaurantCalle Anacaona, Costambar

Open Mon-Sun from 3pm-11pmKitchen open at 5pm

PASCUAL SILVA& VANESSA

LIVE IN COSTAMBAREXCLUSIVELY AT

LAS ROCAS!!Reservations 809-852-1015

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 8th at 8pm

Last year I replaced all the windows in my housewith that expensive double-panel energy efficientkind, and today, I got a call from the contractorwho installed them. He was complaining that thework had been completed a whole year ago and Istill hadn't paid for them. Hellllloooooo justbecause I'm blonde doesn't mean that I amautomatically stupid..So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guyhad told me last year, that in ONE YEAR thesewindows would pay for themselves!Hellllooooooo? It's been a year! I told him.There was only silence at the other end of the line,so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bethe felt like an idiot!!


WELCOME TOKEVIN & PATRICIA’S EL CAREY

Where you can enjoy the beach your way!

Calle Reina Isabel, Costambar, Puerto PlataSpanish 809-918-1448 English 809-924-8233

CLOSED MONDAYS

Also available for parties, weddings, etc.

HAPPY HOUR EVERY DAY 7-8pm!2X1 Cuba/Santo Libres

With Brugal blanco or anejoEVERY FRIDAY 7pm!

Rock, Blues, Oldies & More with Vik!EVERY SUNDAY 2pm!

KARAOKE with party maker Segundo

Try Kevin’s Mama Juana & Pina Coladas!

INTERNATIONAL GOURMETCUISINE

&AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

It happened at a New York Airport. This ishilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. Anaward should go to the United Airlines gate agentin New York for being smart and funny, whilemaking her point, when confronted with apassenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.For all of you out there who have had to deal withan irate customer, this one is for you.A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. Asingle agent was re-booking a long line ofinconvenienced travelers.Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way tothe desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter andsaid, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to beFIRST CLASS."The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to tryto help you, but I've got to help these folks first;and then I'm sure we'll be able to work somethingout."The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly,so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DOYOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbedher public address microphone. "May I have yourattention, please?", she began, her voice heardclearly throughout the terminal. "We have apassenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOWWHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with hisidentity, please come to Gate 14".With the folks behind him in line laughinghysterically, the man glared at the United Airlinesagent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorrysir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."


A PREVIEW OF THE FEBRUARY 2013 PROGRAM*Saturday February 2, 3.00 pm. OPEN FORUM. An update oninitiatives to prepare for the cruise ships withrepresentatives of the Cluster and other highly informedindividuals.Saturday, February 9, 2:00 PM. A showing of La ViolenciaDel Poder: by René Fortunato about Joaquim Balaguer, whodominated the Dominican Republic from 1966 to 1996, withcommentary by expert observers.Saturday February 16, 1:30 pm. In honour of the visit ofCanadian Ambassador Georges Boissé the Film Club Presentsthe prize-winning Canadian film: Monsieur Lazhar.Saturday February 23, 1:30 pm. Changing Dominicanimmigration and visa rules: A briefing by a leadingimmigration lawyer, followed by a Q&A session.*Please note: This program is subject to change. Please consult the MeetingPlace website: www.MeetingplacePuertoPlata.com

Tuesday to Friday11- 5:30Saturday

11- 4

[email protected] 809-261-7393/829-455-6110Juan Bosch (JFK) 60 (2 blocks NE of Central Park)

Puerto Plata’s non-profit English Bookstore and Resource Center

JOIN US FORSUPERBOWL XLVII!!

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 3RDPARTY STARTS 6PM

ROMANTIC VALENTINE’S DINNERThursday February 14th at 7pm

Reservations RequiredRD$500 before Feb. 12 and RD$600 after

VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK

All Day BreakfastFish & Chips * Chicken CurryFull Menu * Daily Specialty

Open Tues-Sat9am to 8:30pm

Sundays 9am to 6pm -CLOSED Mondays

Racquetball, handball, wallyball, pool-billiards,Big Screen TV for sports, movies and concerts

Smoking and non-smoking areas


I had an appointment with my doctor. He asked mewhat I did yesterday.I told him about my day:"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across theedge of a lake, escaped from an angry 14 pointbuck in the heavy brush, marched up and down asteep hill, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawledout of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressiverattlesnake, then outran an alligator!"Inspired by my story, the doctor said, "You mustbe an awesome outdoorsman!""No," I replied, "I'm just a shitty golfer."


MONDAYS!ALL THINGS CHILI!

WEDNESDAYCLOSED!

THURSDAYQUIZ NIGHT!!FRIDAYS!!!!

FISH & CHIPS/ONION RINGS!!!SATURDAYS!

CHICKEN DUMPLING STEW!SUNDAYS

BEER BUTT CHICKEN

809-848-9009

SATURDAY FEB 9TH AT 6PMJosie’s Birthday Party!

THURSDAY FEB 14 AT 7:30PMJosie’s Quiz

FRIDAY FEB 22 AT 8PMMusic by Ivan

At Syl’s PlaceFebruary 9th at 6pm

FREEFood & Snacks & Cake!!

Tell Josie she looksyoung for her age or

that she sings divinely& get a FREE drink!!

JOSIE & MALINVITE

ALL THEIR MANY& DIVERSE FRIENDS

TOJOSIE’S 65TH BIRTHDAY

CELEBRATION!!

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be toimmediately clear your computer history if youdie.2. Nothing sucks more than that moment duringan argument when you realize you're wrong.3. I totally take back all those times I didn'twant to nap when I was younger.4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fittedsheet?6. Was learning cursive really necessary?7. Map Quest really needs to start theirdirections on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how toget out of my neighborhood.8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting ifthey told you how the person died.9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't atleast kind of tired.10. Bad decisions make good stories.


CLEAR FIBERGLASS7 GALLON

PROPANE CYLINDER TANK24” TALL & 12” DIAMETERTanks & valves are brand new

Made in the USAAlways know how much gas

you get or have left!Lightweight & rustproof!ONLY RD$2500

CALL COLIN AT 809-449-1819

CHARTS AVAILABLEGet your

nautical charts of theBahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands,

Providenciales and HispaniolaFrom

Rosa at Luperon Swap MeetWendy’s Bar in Luperon

Ocean World Marina in Cofresi

If you have difficulty callColin at 809-449-1819

BOAT NAME OF THE MONTH!


SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13SUDOKU PUZZLESFill in the missing numbers so every row, column andquadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

ROLLER COASTERS

Across1. Written message5. Give a detailed

account6. Igneous rock7. EsteemDown1. Someone in charge2. Excel3. Envisage4. Component

Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid.The remaining letters spell a hidden message

AFTERBURNALPENGEISTBALDERBIZARROCOLOSSOSCOMETCYCLONEDESPERADODIAMONDBACKEL TORO

GHOSTRIDERGOLIATHGRIFFONHADESINTIMIDATORJUPITERKATUNLEVIATHANMANTAMAVERICK

MIND BENDERMONTUNEMESISNITROPHOENIXPROWLERRAGING BULLRAPTORRENEGADEROAR

SHEIKRATATSUTHUNDERBOLTTITANTREMORSTROYTWISTERVIPERXCELERATOR


Police Office 809-320-8510

Police Car 809-320-8840

APC Office 809-970-7877

APC Gate Security 809-970-7015

Codetel 809-220-1111

Edenorte - emergency 809-261-1844

Edenorte - office 809-586-9823

Costambar Taxi Stand 809-970-7318

Canada 809-586-5761

Britain 809-586-4244

U.S.A. 809-586-4204

German 809-586-6995

Italian 809-320-7601

Clinica Bournigal 809-586-2342

Clinica Brugal 809-586-2519

Los Tropicos Pharmacy 809-970-7607

12 CNN 51 CINE CANAL

22 FOX SPORT 56 SPEED

28 BOOMERANG 57 ANIMAL PLANET

30 ABC 64 SCI-FI

31 NBC 66 FOOD

32 CBS 69 DISCOVERYKIDS

33 TBS 70 WEATHER

34 CNBC 71 CINEMAX

35 ESPN-1 72 SHOWTIME

36 WGN 74 STARZ

37 CDN 79 NASA

40 TNT 80 JETIX

42 USA 81 CARTOON

43 ESPN-2 83 TNT LA

44 DISCOVERY 84 HISTORY

46 DISNEY 85 THE FILM ZONE

49 HBOLOCAL

SUSTAINABILITY& ENVIRONMENTAL

INITIATIVE

PROJECTS INCLUDE:Organic FarmingAquaponicsFish Farming (with ISA University)Community Cacao Nursery (with IDIAF)Conservation

The overall mission is to teach healthy,cost-effective alternatives which areenvironmentally sound.

Willard Taylor, who established this model farm,has a background in psychology, human rightsand service and international missionary work.

Donations of funds and materials to help andexpand this initiative are greatly appreciated.

For more info email [email protected] call 829-663-3815Willard invites all calls, emails, visits orforms of investigation into his project.


BEGINNER INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGELive life to the fullest

My Way to Inner-Happinessand Health with the RamiLife - Program

RamiLife.comNOW the book for this program is available in 3 languages - English,Spanish and German. This book has been suggested for the nextInternational Book Fair in Frankfurt! The Austrian author Guenter (Harry)Eberl has been living in Puerto Plata for 13 years.The author has dedicated himself since his early childhood in a searchfor the meaning of life.From the moment the author unconditionally started the search foranswers to all of his spiritual questions about himself and the universe,his life became very extraordinary.The RamiLife-Program in connection with the RAM-Meridian massage(REM) enables one to move closer to the inner self and to discover anew quality and love of life. Reading this book you will, among otherthings, lose the fear of so-called malignant diseases like cancer. You willlearn to understand your body better. Don’t read this book if you are notprepared to change something in your life.

The author is available every Sunday at 5pm at The CatamaranRestaurant on Costambar Beach to discuss his program andanswer any questions. Books are available to purchase.

More Info at www.ramilife.com and 809-710-1221

This month’s d.R.recycling tip!


Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology,Acupressure, & Hot StonePhysical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic DrainageManicure & Pedicure: Regular & IntensiveBraids & Hair Extensions & Mens HaircutsFacials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse ServicesNatural Health & Beauty ProductsASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS.Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointmentService to the home. Transportation available.#14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

RD$1230 Includes DentalRD$1480 with Drugs

Aquacero, Malecon, Puerto Plata 5pmBieke’s Bar, Costambar 6:30pmOr call Petra & Marcel Bahr1-809-885-2155

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth andnose. A young student nurse appears and giveshim a partial sponge bath."Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "aremy testicles black?"Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don'tknow, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upperbody and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please checkfor me. Are my testicles black?"Concerned that he might elevate his bloodpressure and heart rate from worrying about histesticles, she overcomes her embarrassment andpulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in onehand and his testicles gently in the other.She looks very closely and says, "There'snothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask,smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank youvery much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,very closely...Are - my - test - results - back?"


OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS)Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm

Everything you need from snacks to supper!Delivery Service Available!

Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate)809-970-3028

ANSWERS ON PAGE 18

CONTRACTOR OFTHE MONTH AWARD!

WE FOUND OUT WHY THAT SWITCH IN YOURHOUSE SEEMS TO DO NOTHING!!


Ann JaggardInterior Design

Made to Measure CurtainsPatio Furniture Recovery

& much moreFree Estimates Quick Return

[email protected] 809-712-4911

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bedreading when the wife looks over at him and asksthe question....WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would youget married again?"HUSBAND:"Definitely not!"WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"HUSBAND: "Of course I do.."WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"HUSBAND:"Probably, it is almost new."WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thingto do."WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."WIFE: -- silenceHUSBAND: "shit."

ANSWERS TO PAGE 17


Karaoke TropicalFor Any Event Of Your Choice

With Animation inEnglish, Spanish, German and French

Lyrics in 7 LanguagesInternational Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172Email [email protected]

SOUND RENTAL

LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGEHave you ever been guilty of looking at othersyour own age and thinking, surely I can't look thatold?Well.....you'll love this one!My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in thewaiting room for my first appointment with a newdentist.I noticed his dental diploma, which bore his fullname. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome,dark haired boy with the same name had been inmy secondary school class some 30-odd yearsago.Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crushon, way back then?Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded anysuch thought. This balding, grey haired man withthe deeply lined face was far too old to have beenmy classmate.After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he hadattended Morgan Park secondary school ."Yes, yes I did. I'm a Morganner! " he beamed withpride.'When did you leave to go to college?' I askedHe answered, "In 1965. Why do you ask?"'You were in my class!' I exclaimed.He looked at me closely..Then that: -Ugly,Old,Bald,Wrinkled,Fat arsed,Grey haired,Decrepit,Old bastard asked...."What did you teach?!!"

WHY DON’T THEY SELL THESE HERE!!


VIVERO MAIMONGREEN THUMB

Landscaping and Gardening Maintenance Services

Palms, Flowering and Foliage PlantsBEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST!!!

OPENMonday to Friday 8am-5pm

Saturday 8am-noon

George Roesch809-543-8041 Km 11

Carretera PP-ImbertJust past

‘The Fish Places’


Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only beplaced by emailing [email protected] calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items.Commercial properties or enterprises (including realestate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds willusually be run for one month only unless we are otherwisenotified.

IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you toservices every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are inSpanish. Children activities. Before Costambar GateSecurity, turn on the right side toward the powerplant, 100 meters on the right side.

LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? ORUSING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THENWHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBAR’S FLEA MARKET AT THECATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OFTHE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!

CLASSIFIEDS

FOR SALEHonda CRV 2000 forRD$255,000 Diane & VictorCall 809 261 3795

FOR SALEOutboard 15 hp - 4 stroke1000$dinghy caribe 13 feet with latte800$ both are negotiableUS Microwave oven GE, comboconvection and grilloven,stainless steel inside andout,rack for grilling and broiling200$US Nice spear gun ab biller32special 100$Boat stereo 30$Wet suit 30$Life jacket 10$Snorkels 5$Dog vest 20$Fire extinguisher 10$Power cord 30$50 to 30 adapter 100$Fishing poles (3)80$ eachJoanne 829-319-0572 or e-mail:[email protected]

FOR SALETENDER: 2007 ‘Caribe’ 11fthard bottom inflatable with2007 25hp Yamaha 2-stroke(recent tune up – starts ease &runs good). Great run-aroundboat! Asking $4,600 u.s.d. Ph.#829-902-1234

FOR SALEAssorted packaging materials. Cheap.Call 809-244-4432

FOR SALE1991 Ford Escort, Automatic, 4door hatchback, runs well,good on gas. OriginalMarticula, 809-543-0728,[email protected] SALE

Skoda, 2000, well-runningsmall car.Various tools and equipmentincluding small compressor,and water pressure cleaningmachine.Call cel 809-451-5379

FOR SALELaptop, Dell Vostro 1510,15.6”, core duo 1.8ghz, ram2.00gb, HDD 160 GORD$12,000Call 829-705-0044

FOR SALEkitchen mixer, two bowls,mixing blades and doughhooks, built in weigh scale$1500RDElectric knife, Black & Decker,never used $600RDSmall GE microwave oven$1500RD809-970-7123 or 1-809-654-7165 (English only)

Costambar CommunityCenter & LibraryOpen 9am-5pm

Monday-SaturdayLocated next to

the Farmacia(courtesy of Mark Gill)

Separate English &foreign language

book rooms

FOR SALE15 KW diesel generator 4cylinder Kubota diesel engine,1800 RPM brushless generatorhead , Made by Phaser. Thisunit has low hours approx 400hrs. Unit new is 7500.00 in thestates, asking 5000.00 or bestoffer Joanne 829 319-0572


www.CaonaboEnterprises.comYour new life In the Dominican Republic STARTS HERE

We build houses, we rent houses, we sell houses!Check out our extensive listings and give us a call.

for English, call Mike @809 571-1741for Spanish, call Sofia @829 421-8575

for German/French, call Francisco @829 421-8579

Renovated 3 bedroom 3 bath contemporary ranchw/screened front patio area.2 studio rentals.Spacious open living and dining areas.Master bedroom with 2 wall to wall closets.Mechanically updated with inverter (8 batterysystem), 2 separate electric meters, well and more.Stone front patio plus a very private and tranquilgarden area.

FOR SALE

ContactAnnette

809-869-0054

US$265,000

TRITON I APARTMENT FOR SALEOne of the best views of the beach in Costambar!First floor2bdrm, 2bathNew windows anda new porch

Call 809-868-0273

CONDO FOR SALEIN OCHO VILLAS

One of the best maintained buildings in Costambar!Cozy and secure complex

First floor - 1 bdrm, 1 bathCompletely renovated and new windows

Call 809-674-5609

Biology ExamStudents in an advanced Biology class were takingtheir mid-term exam.The last question was, 'Name seven advantages ofMother' Milk.?The question was worth 70 points or none at all.One student, in particular, was hard put to think ofseven advantages.However, he wrote:1) It is the perfect formula for the child.2) It provides immunity against several diseases.3) It is always the right temperature.4) It is inexpensive.5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.6) It is always available as needed.And then the student was stuck.Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rangindicating the end of the test, he wrote:7) It comes in two attractive containers and it'shigh enough off the ground where the cat can't getit.He got an A.


POLINATURA SHOPPOLIPLAZA PUERTO PLATA

In front of the free zonePuerto Plata-Santiago highway

809-465-4946/809-979-3116

#1 STORE FOR NATURAL PRODUCTS,VITAMINS & MINERALS, HERBS AND HONEY

*Antioxidant/Anti-Inflammatory Omega 3.6.7 & Omega3,6,9 formula*Prostate & Colon Cleanser*Beauty from the inside out! Super Collagen 1&3 forstructural support of hair, skin, nails, tendons, ligaments,bones, muscles & weight control*Anti-aging - CoQ10 Ubiquinol , Collagen 1&2 (redefiningthe aging process) in a honey base*DHEA 5,10,25&50mg*Melatonin 1,2&3mg*Premium honey, bee pollen, propolis, royal jelly fresh &powder*Bone & joint health - Glucosamine and MSM*Hyaluronic acid*Boswellia*Chondroitin*Celadrin*Viagra natural for men & women*Sport Nutrition - high performance muscle massCreatine 3.56lb and Super Advanced Whey Protein 2lband much more*Sulphur (MSM) - the mineral that helps fight fatigue,stress, pain, cancer, wrinkles, muscle cramps, supportsjoints, cartilage, tendons, ligaments, skin & nails.Neutralizes inflammation and is a super antioxidant (1000& 1500 mg)

costambar monthly february 2013

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