the breakfast dubPlotNothing more or less than a fourteen year olds in NZ take on The Breakfast Club. An evening detention, designed as this group’s last chance, an odd collection of misfits, oh yes, and a dead body.

Production notesThis one was designed to reward physicality and pinpoint movement accuracy. The work with chasing each other around the room, people falling, fires being lit, a body being lifted, people being tied up, it all stands or falls on the timing and control. A good piece for reinforcing these acting skills

CastFreakTwinNormalBug CollectorStonerClaustrophobicStalkerTeacherFatherCleaner

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A detention room. Eight seats are set out at four double desks. The Freak sits alone at the front, stroking a pet mouse, talking to it. Twin enters, looks around, sits across from The Freak and notices the mouse.

Twin Nice mouse, or is it a rat…. What’s its name?... I had a mouse once, but my cat got it… What about you? What’s your name?... Nope, fair enough… Is it because it’s a really embarrassing name, like Matilda, or Gavin…

The Freak pins the mouse to the table by its feet, spread eagled.

Twin Okay, I was going to ask what you did to get in here, not sure I want to know now.

Silence. Freak studies the mouse closely. Enter Normal, who sits next to the twin. She notices the mouse. Twin and her have a silent conversation, along the lines of WTF?

Twin So, what did you do to get in here?Normal Nothing.Twin Right. What sort of nothing?Normal No, seriously, I was set up.Twin No, wait, I know this. You’re the fire girl.Normal That’s it, though, I’m not. I went to the toilet, came back, the room was

already on fire, I went to save my bag, because, you know, my phone was in it, a teacher came along, and then inside my bag there was a lighter, and white spirits, and some rags, I was framed.

Twin Okay.Normal You don’t believe me.Twin If you say.Normal So what did you do?Twin Nothing.Normal You don’t have to believe…Twin No, I’m not saying that. Didn’t do it. My sister did, my twin sister.Normal Oh right, you’re the twin.Twin I’m the twin.Normal Why didn’t you just say it was her?Twin We have a pact. You ever been on detention before?Normal Never. What about you?Twin Not one like this.Normal No one’s ever been on a detention like this.Twin Hey look.

They turn to see the bug Collector enter. He has a jar, filled with dead bugs, and a sketching bag. He sits, looks around, spies a spider high up on a wall and hunts it down. When he has caught it he places it in a small phial of liquid that kills it, then takes it back

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to his desk and examines it carefully. He lays it out on the desk and begins to sketch it. Twin and Normal hatch a silent plan and then approach, one to either side.

Twin Hi.Bug Collector Hello.Twin What’s that?Bug Collector Badumna longinqua. Twin Okay.Bug Collector Grey House Spider.Twin Are they rare?Bug Collector No, very common.Twin So why are you drawing it?Bug Collector Because it’s beautiful.Twin You’re a good drawer.Bug Collector Thank… Hey!

At the prompting of Twin, Normal has snatched the jar. The two pass it between them while Bug Collector becomes increasingly frantic trying to get it back. Twin takes the jar and puts it under Freak’s nose. Bug Collector approaches slowly, nervous. At the last minute Normal grabs the jar back and the game continues for one more pass, before the door opens. Everybody freezes. It’s Stoner.

Stoner What are you doing?Twin Just, um, playing with the bugs.Stoner Give them back.

Twin does as she’s told. All three return to their seats. Stoner watches, and waits until they’re all seated before choosing her own seat at the back of the room.

Claustrophobic enters, looks around, sees a spare seat next to Freak, and because he can’t see her mouse from that angle, goes and sits there. Then he sees the mouse. He clearly knows Normal, and mouths a question about the mouse to her. Stalker enters, puffed as if having run here, and immediately notices the connection between Normal and Claustrophobic. She glares, and goes move the seat next to The Stoner. Stoner reaches out, snatches the seat back. Stalker is forced to sit across the room. She takes out her phone, as if texting, and takes a couple of quiet snaps of Claustrophobic.

Teacher enters from the side door. Freak slides forward, covering the mouse with her arms.

Teacher Phones away, all of you. Right, let’s see who we have. Moonbeam.Shaarn Yo.Teacher Present.Shaarn Present.Teacher Is that your real name?Shaarn Is that your real face?

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Teacher You just bought yourself a second detention.Shaarn Because you don’t like my name?Teacher Angela.Freak Present.Teacher Simon.Bug Collector Present.Teacher Sophie.Twin Present.Teacher Fran.Claustro& Normal Present.Teacher I beg your pardon.Normal We have the same name.Teacher Oh, Checks her roll. Yes, I see. Well, that appears to be everybody here. It

is now 5pm on your Friday evening. There will be nothing on the desks, there will be no phones, no talking. Stick to those rules at this is over for you at 9pm. Break them and we do it all over next week. Not one of you, but all of you. You are a team now. This is your only warning.

She turns and walks out. As she leaves Twin whispers something to Normal. The Teacher spins around.

Teacher All right, you and you, swap places, now.

Twin and Claustrophobic swap. Stalker, seeing Normal and Claustrophobic together, whimpers.

Teacher And you, to the other side, over there.

Stalker moves to sit next to Stoner. Teacher looks at them carefully, then leaves.

Silence.

Stoner She didn’t actually call your name.Stalker I know.Stoner So you can leave.Stalker Nah, don’t want to risk it.

Twin is now next to Freak and looks more closely at what she’s doing to the mouse.

Twin Okay, that is seriously disturbing.Stoner Shut up.Twin What?Stoner I don’t want to another detention.Twin You already got another detention.Stoner My point.

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Silence

Twin So we just sit here and say nothing?Stoner That’s right.Twin For four hours.Stoner That’s what she said.Twin It’s going to get very boring.

Stalker sees Normal and Claustrophobic playing a game on Normal’s phone.

Stalker Phone’s away.Normal What?Stalker She said we had to have our phones away.Normal It’s not making any noise.Stalker Yeah, but if she comes in here and sees it…Normal I’ll hide it.Stalker You might not see her coming.Normal Of course I will. I’ll hear the door.Stalker You might be distracted.Twin So, wait a minute, they’re allowed to talk, and I’m not.Stoner No. I was going to tell them to be quiet too.Twin Took your time about it.Stalker I was just telling them to put the phone away. I’m on her side.Twin There are sides now?Stalker Well some of us don’t want to have to do this again next week.Twin You’re not even on the list.Stalker That was a mistake.Twin So what did you do?Stalker I can’t tell you.Twin Freak.Stoner Shut up!Twin Okay, okay.

Stoner pulls out a pouch and begins rolling a joint.

Bug Collector What’s that?Stoner What does it look like?Bug Collector Prionoplus reticularisStoner What?Bug Collector Huhu bug. Well, the larvae, not the actual beetle. You’d have to give

shell-like wings and long antennae for that.Stoner I don’t now what you’re talking about.Bug Collector You know, some people eat them. I could draw you one, if…Stoner I think you might be the strangest person I’ve ever met.Twin Hello, look around!Bug Collector I don’t think it is though. I think it’s a joint. I think you’re rolling a joint.

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Stoner I think I am too. Freak doesn’t turn around, she is too busty attempting to get studs into her mouse’s tail, and when she speaks it is so surprising that everybody turns to her.

Freak You’re not lighting that in here.Stoner Really. And why’s that?Freak Because I have a knife.Twin Okay, if we’re still in teams, I want to be on her side.Stoner I told you to shut up.Twin Yeah, stopped listening.

Stoner stands. Twin realizes she may have gone too far and stands herself, frightened and backing away. The Stoner approaches. Twin looks for a way out. Everybody watches. At the last moment Freak stands between them and presents her knife. The Stoner backs away.

Bug Collector Can I just ask, and don’t take this as a criticism in any way, but how come you stood up for her but you let them bully me?

Freak You draw bugs. That’s just weird.Bug Collector Okay, fair enough.Stoner I’m not going to light it. Because as soon as I did she’d come back in and

that would be a waste. I just like rolling. It soothes me. Normal How’s that soothing?Stoner I want to be able to roll the perfect joint, and the only way to do that is to

be totally relaxed and just let your hands take over. It’s zen, you know.Claustro Does anyone else think it’s strange how we’ve been talking all this time

and she hasn’t come back in?Stoner You lit the fire, eh?Claustro No, I set off the alarms.Stoner But that’s what you’re meant to do, when there’s a fire.Normal He set off the alarms before there as a fire.Bug Collector Are you clairvoyant? Claustro No.Bug Collector So how did you know?Stoner She told him. Before she lit the fire. Look at them, they’re a little team.Normal I didn’t light the fire. I was set up.Stoner I hate it when that happens. Like me, they put me in here for possession of

cannabis, when I don’t even know what cannabis is.Normal Seriously. Somebody set me up.Stalker You know who?

Door opens. Everybody returns to fake bored and silent positions. Teacher walks across the front to her desk, takes a magazine from her draw and walks out.

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Silence. Stoner checks the time, produces a small plastic pouch of cannabis and walks to the rubbish bin. She places it in the bin and covers it with rubbish. Everybody watches. Freak is paying particularly close attention. After a pause Freak stands and walks to the bin.

Stoner You touch it, you bought it.Freak I don’t want it.Stoner Okay, so move away from the bin.Freak When I’m ready.

Freak produces a packet of matches, lights one.

Stoner What are you doing?Freak I don’t like drugs.Stoner I’m not asking you to like them.Freak I don’t like people who like drugs. I don’t like the way they pretend it’s

smart to make yourself dumber. Stoner I don’t like people who torture animals.Freak I’m not torturing it, I’m decorating it. I’m going to enter it in a

competition. If it wins it will be good for its self esteem.Stoner Put the matches away.Freak Sure.

The Freak bends over and places the match in the bin. There is a burst of flame. The Stoner rushes forward but is met by the Freak’s knife.

Stoner Okay, that’s it. You owe me and I’m coming after you for the money.Freak I shall look forward to that.Normal We have to put that out.Freak Why?Normal The smell. The smoke alarms.Freak And they’ll think you did it.

Bug Collector rushes from the room, comes back in with the fire hose, blasts the bin and extinguishes the fire. Teacher rushes in.

Teacher What are you doing?Bug Collector Putting out a fire.Teacher A fire lit by whom?Stalker Who do you think?Teacher Is this true?Normal No!Teacher So if not you, then who?Normal I don’t know. I didn’t see. I was asleep.Teacher All right, how about you?Freak I was asleep too.

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Bug Collector It was the smell that woke me up. Stoner Shut up.Teacher What smell?Bug Collector Just, you know, smoke smell.Teacher Somebody started the fire.Normal There was a worker in here earlier, checking the lights. I think he might

have dropped a butt in there. It smelt like he’d been smoking.Teacher I thought you were asleep.Normal This was earlier. It must have smouldered.Teacher I told you if I had to come back in here there would be consequences.Normal He put out a fire. He might have saved your life. Letting us go would be

an appropriate consequence.Teacher If I have to come in here again…

Teacher leaves. The inmates look at one another, relieved to have dodged a bullet. Quiet, as they think about what has happened.

A cleaner enters. She sees the Stoner nods in recognition and slips her a wad of cash. The cleaner walks to the bin and looks down at the water and ash. She retrieves a sodden, melted bag.

Cleaner What’s this?Stoner There was a fire.Cleaner Okay, money back.Stoner She lit the fire. You, rodent girl, got a hundred on you?Freak He put the water in. Fifty each.Bug Collector If I hadn’t put the fire out, it still would have been ruined.Claustro Fair point.Cleaner So?Twin She didn’t know it was yours.Cleaner What difference does that make?Twin It feels like it should matter.Cleaner You smash my car windscreen because you thought it was someone else’s

car, you still owe me a new windscreen.Twin But you hadn’t paid for it, so it wasn’t actually yours.Claustro Yeah, you should have checked the bin before you paid. That was just

stupid.Cleaner You calling me stupid?Claustro No, I’m saying you did a stupid thing. You can be smart and do a stupid

thing.Cleaner Is it because I’m a cleaner you think I’m stupid?Claustro I don’t think you’re stupid.Freak I think you’re stupid.Cleaner Is that right?Freak Doing drugs is stupid.

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Cleaner I don’t. I onsell. You think I can feed my family on a cleaner’s wage? Have you seen the price of cheese lately?

Twin Then you definitely should have checked. If it’s your business, you have to be much more careful than that.

Cleaner Okay, enough calling me stupid. You know who I think is stupid? I think you are stupid. All of you. I think you think it’s smart to set off fire alarms and light fires and take secret photographs of…

Stalker How do you know this stuff?Cleaner I like computers, does that surprise you? … and denigrate teachers and

leave chewing gum on the carpet so it gets ground in and is impossible to get out.

Normal Someone’s on Friday night detention for dropping chewing gum?Claustro No, I think she’s just making a general point.Stoner And selling dope. You forgot selling dope. Is that stupid too?Cleaner For you it is, because you still have choices. If I was your age, with your

choices, I wouldn’t think it was smart to be doing the things you’re doing. Now, money back.

Stoner I owe this to…Cleaner Don’t care.

Stoner hands over the money. Cleaner pockets it and exits.

Stoner Prediction time. Before tonight is out, somebody’s paid me back my hundred dollars.

Normal She’s not in there.Twin What?Normal There’s another door, from her office into the corridor. She’s gone

somewhere.Bug Collector How do you know that?Normal That cleaner was loud.Twin Cool. So we can do whatever we like?Normal Pretty much. Well, ‘til she gets back.Twin Excellent.

Silence as they all try to work out what to do.

Stalker We could all swap places.Stoner What?Stalker Sit somewhere different, and see if she notices when she comes back in.

Here, fire girl, I’ll swap with you.Normal That’s lame.Stalker Got a better idea?Normal Sure. Let’s go into her office and see what we can find.Stalker Okay. I’ll go.

She walks past Claustrophobic’s desk.

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Stalker Come on.Claustro What?Stalker I need someone to come with me, as a lookout.Bug Collector I will.Stalker What are you bringing your jar for?Bug Collector I don’t get to go in offices very often. It’s a whole different ecosystem, in

lots of ways.

Stalker sees Claustrophobic and Normal are hunched back over his iPhone.

Stalker What are you two doing?Claustro Popping bubble wrap. Stalker You could do that even before you knew she’d gone.Claustro So?Stalker So, don’t you want to do something different now?Normal That’s the beauty of my life, its independent of context.Stalker Nobody likes people who talk like that.Normal Is that right? Turns to Claustrophobic Do you like me?Claustro I think you’re kind of funny.Stalker Come on Bug boy.

Bug Collector and Stalker sneak into the teacher’s office.

Stoner Okay, who wants to look?Twin At what?Stoner At no-name’s phone. I took it from her pocket.Twin Anything interesting?Stoner Well, she appears to be quite a good photographer.

Twin walks back to have a look. Both look up at Normal and Claustrophobic and smile.

Stoner See, you’d have to actually climb onto the gym roof to get a photo through that window.

Twin Go back one. That’s creepy.Stoner You have a teddy bear?Normal What? No.Stoner Wasn’t talking to you.

Normal and Claustrophobic walk back to see the photos. Freak keeps working on her mouse.

Normal They’re cute pyjamas.Claustro What the hell?Twins Looks like you’ve got yourself a little admirer here.Normal But I thought you were gay.Claustro I am.

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Stoner So who’s going to break the news to little miss stalker?Claustro Put the camera on the floor, so she thinks it dropped out. Stoner No way, I’m giving her hell for this.Claustro Let’s have some fun with her first.

Sudden sound of Stalker and Bug Collector rushing back in. Stoner drops the phone. Everybody tries to look natural.

Stalker Back to your places. Back to your places. She’s coming.Normal What did you find?Stalker Her computer, I’ll tell you later.

Stalker notices her phone on the floor, scoops it up and is in her seat just as the teacher walks in. The teacher is carrying a half-empty bottle of spirits. Nobody moves, or breathes. There’s a knock on the door. Stoner’s father enters.

Father Ah, excuse me.Stoner Dad, what are you doing here?Twin That’s your father?Normal So your mother’s what, an albino?Father Ah, excuse me, but I am just looking for the teacher.Teacher That’s me.Father No. But you’re far too young and… We didn’t have teachers like this

when I was in school.

He winks to Claustrophobic

Father Must be quite a distraction, eh?Teacher Yes, ah how can I help you?Father That depends, are you single?Stoner Dad!Father It doesn’t hurt to ask. You can’t spend your whole life wondering. Seize

the day.Stoner I’ll tell Mum.

Father tries to signal to his daughter that this is all part of a cunning plan.

Father So, Mrs… I’m sorry, I don’t believe my daughter has told me your name.Teacher Holden. Miss Holden.Father And you’d be a PE teacher, I suppose.Teacher History.Father But you must work out, surely. Or have you just been blessed?Teacher I do try to stay in shape.Father Well yes, if I had that body I’d certainly take good care of it.Teacher How can I help you, Mr…Father Call me James.

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Stoner You’re name’s not…Father Could we perhaps speak somewhere more private?Teacher There’s my office.Father After you.

Father and Teacher leaves.

Stalker Wish I had a father like that.Stoner Really?Stalker He seems sort of funny.Stoner He’s a disaster. He doesn’t care about anything I do. Other parents, if they

find their daughter dealing dope, they’re like taking you to the police or counseling. He takes me into the ceiling to show me his crop, wants to know if I can sell his stuff as well.

Stalker That doesn’t sound so bad. My parents don’t let me do anything. They think if they say no to everything I ask, they’re doing their job.

Stoner I wish my parents would say no. All my life, I’ve just wanted somebody, somewhere, to tell me no. I’m just a kid. I shouldn’t be allowed to make my own decisions. I make stupid decisions. Why’s that so hard to understand?

Normal Points at the Freak. She said no to you.Stoner I know. And that’s why I like her.

She waits for the Freak to say something.

Stoner This is where you say you like me too.Freak But I don’t like you. I think you’re awful.Stoner What?Freak I think you’re selfish, self absorbed and boring. ‘Poor little me, my parents

don’t say no enough.’ Nobody cares. Shut up. Stalker That’s not very nice.Freak And you’re as bad. ‘My parents say no all the time’. At least you have

parents.

She stabs her knife into her desk in a moment of raise and sits, shaking. Everybody else looks on, waiting for somebody else to think of the right thing to say.

Normal So what’s your father doing in there, would you say?Stoner He’s taking me to a concert later. I think he’s probably trying to get me

out of detention so we can arrive early and get up the front.Bug Collector She had alcohol.Claustro What?Bug Collector That teacher, she had a bottle of something, right? I’m not just imagining

that?Claustro So?Bug Collector Well, I don’t thin she’s meant to be drinking while she’s looking after us.

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Claustro Her business.Bug Collector Yeah, but couldn’t we get her in trouble, say, if we had a photo of it?

He’s nodding towards the Stalker’s phone, hoping Claustrophobic will take the hint and play along.

Claustro Right, but then we’d need a camera, now where are we going to find a camera?

Stalker On a phone, of course, … No, wait, not my… Hey, what are you doing?

Twin has snatched Stalker’s phone and throws it across to Claustro.

Stalker Give it back. Please.Claustro I just want to take a photo, when she comes back in. Oh, your memory’s a

bit full, perhaps I should delete some of your photos, let’s see…

Stalker is chasing Claustro around the room, becoming increasingly frantic. The others, in on the joke, start hassling, pretending to look at photos before they pass them on… ‘oh, nice shot here’. ‘Fran, do you shave your legs, or is it just the light…’ At some point Normal ups the ante, taking the bug jar and passing that around, so the game now consists of two chasers and four people passing (Freak sits and watches, but smiles to herself). As Bug Collector makes a lunge he trips (slips on the water from the fire?) and smashes his head on the corner of the table on the way down. He lies on the ground, out cold. Everybody stops.

Stalker drops to her knees, checks him.

Stalker Guys, I don’t think he’s breathing.Claustro That’s ridiculous, of course he’s…Stalker I can’t find his pulse.Claustro Here, let me.

Everybody waits. Twin suddenly freaks out and runs from the room.

Twin Do you even know what you’re looking for?Claustro Not really, no.

Freak walks over. Everybody steps back. She does a more professional looking check.

Freak Yeah, you’ve killed him.Stoner What do you mean, what, we didn’t…Normal It was an accident.Claustro Just a game.Freak Looked to me like you were tormenting him. And when he tried to get

what was rightfully his back, he fell, and died. You killed him.Stalker Who?

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Stoner He just hit his head, that’s all. You can’t say we planned that.Claustro So you admit it was an unplanned killing?Normal What’s with the we? I didn’t do anything.Stoner We were all passing the jar around. You started it.Claustro She wasn’t.Stalker I love you.Claustro I was just saying, you weren’t necessarily involved in the same…Stalker No, seriously. I love you. If we’re all going to prison, I want you to know.

I’m in love with you. That’s why I lit the fire, to stop you getting in trouble for setting off the alarms.

Normal You bitch.Stalker Nothing personal. Your bag was just there. I’m not even on detention

today. I just came here to be near you.

Awkward silence.

Freak He’s gay.Stalker What? No, you’re just…Claustro I am. I have a boyfriend. His name’s Sebastian.Stalker I hate today.Stoner Can I just point out there’s a body on the floor?Stalker He was nice, wasn’t he?Normal Straight too, you missed your chance there.Stalker You’re not nice.Claustro So what do we do?Stoner Sit him up at the desk, before she comes back in. She might think he’s

asleep.Normal That’s really stupid.Stoner Got a better idea?Normal Not really.Stoner Take his arms, I’ll get his legs.

This isn’t easy, and the others try to help.

Stalker He’s heavier than he looks.Claustro I thought they went stiff.Freak Later on, it takes a while.

They manage to get Bug Collector in his chair, slumped down over his desk. Twin walks back in, looking much more relaxed.

Stoner Where have you been?Twin Just, you know, taking a moment.

A noise from in the teacher’s office. They all rush to their seats. Twin is left sitting next to dead guy. She doesn’t seem to mind. Teacher enters with father, he’s looking very

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pleased with himself. He winks at his daughter. He tries to mime ‘your grandmother died’ behind the teacher’s back but it is unintelligible.

Teacher Moonbeam, I am very sorry to hear about your sad loss. You will be leaving with your father now.

Stoner Is it… still trying to interpret her father’s miming… Has Rover been run over?

Teacher No dear, I’m afraid it’s your grandmother.Stoner How would she get run over? She doesn’t leave the house.Father Heart attack. Come on, we need to get to the front for the best view…

of… the coffin?

They leave. Teacher looks about the room.

Teacher Now, I know death can be very distressing, but the best thing is just to carry on as normal, as if nothing has happened.

Normal Excellent advice, Miss.Teacher What’s happened to him?Twin He’s asleep.Teacher Very well. Three and a half hours left.

The teacher leaves.

Normal Nicely covered.Twin What?Normal It totally sounded like you thought he was asleep.Twin He is asleep, isn’t he?Normal What are you talking about, you were here. He’s dead.

Twin looks again. Screams. Teacher comes rushing back in.

Teacher What was that?Twin Nightmare. He just lifted his head, screamed, then straight back down

again. Weird.Teacher All right. Well if it happens again you might want to try waking him up.

Teacher leaves.

Stalker Okay, what the hell?Claustro It’s obvious, isn’t it?Stalker Not to me.Claustro She’s not, you know, her. She’s her twin sister. They swapped.Twin I’m going to kill her. Seriously, this time I’m going to kill her. Come

down, she said. Swap into my detention and I owe you double. Not, hey, we’ve just killed someone, want to take the blame?

Normal Actually, you should.

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Twin What?Normal Take the blame. Because, like you’re twins, and nobody could prove for

sure which one of you did it.Claustro No, there’s DNA.Twin Our DNA’s identical. We have different fingerprints though.Claustro Touch him then, wipe your fingers all over him.Twin Did my sister wipe her hands all over him?Claustro Fair point.Twin Better question, did my sister kill him?Normal No, he just sort of tripped and hit his head.Twin And nobody’s thought to call an ambulance?Normal Why?Twin It’s what you do, when somebody’s hurt themselves.Normal He’s not hurt. He’s dead.Twin It’s what you do when you don’t have anything to hide.Claustro She means, because we didn’t, it makes it look like…Normal Oh.Stalker Call now. I’ll do it. Who’s got my phone?Claustro Here.Stalker Thanks. Sorry about the whole stalking thing.Claustro It’s all right, it’s sort of flattering.Stalker If you ever, you know, change your mind….Twin We can’t call.Normal You just said we should. You’re a very confusing person.Twin The teacher saw. We told her he was sleeping. She’ll know we lied.Normal No, because he was sleeping, then. Now, he’s just woken up, run a round

the room, slipped, bang. Put him back where he was. Then we all scream. Teacher runs in, you’re already calling the ambulance. Okay, I’m pumped, let’s do it.

Twin Why was he running?Normal Exercise.Twin We need to know exactly. The police are going to ask us all a lot of

questions.Normal Nightmare. He had another nightmare. Got up, started running around.Claustro Too unusual. They’ll get suspicious.Twin I don’t like the running. Who dies just falling over?

They think awhile.

Stalker Climbing. He was climbing. To get out the window. Fell.Normal Why would he want out the window, the door’s open?Stalker It was a dare.Claustro A competition. Between me and him. I went first, succeeded, of course.

Came back down. He was trying to match me, slipped, broke his neck.Normal Except his neck’s not broken.

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Twin Okay, so we need to lift him up there, drop him, so he has the right injuries, and then the whole screaming/ambulance thing.

Pause, consider it.

Normal I can’t think of anything better.Claustro Let’s do it.

They stack one desk on top of another, and then bringing other desks together, and standing on chairs, they begin the dangerous task of lifting Bug Collector up toward the window. This is the compromising position in which they find themselves when Teacher walks back in.

Teacher Now, I’ve just been on the phone to the principal, explaining what happened with Moonbeam, and…. What’s going on?

Nobody moves, or speaks, until… Freak springs into action, taking her knife and holding it to the Teacher’s throat.

Freak Sit down.Teacher I beg your…Freak Don’t say a word. Okay, you, tie her up.Claustro What with?Freak There’s a rope in my bag, use the black tape for her mouth.Twin Um, are we all absolutely sure this is what we want to be doing?Freak Here’s what happened. We were all minding our own business. She came

in and got all angry. We think maybe she’d been drinking. She asked him a question and when he didn’t answer she hit him, way too hard, he fell, collected the table on the way down. So we overpowered her, tied her up, called an ambulance and the police.

Stalker And were so frightened that we ran straight back home.Freak Okay.Normal What question? What question did she ask him?Freak There was a cell phone on the floor. She wanted to know whose it was.Stalker Have you done this before?Freak It was yours. He didn’t want to narc.Teacher If you think for one moment any of you are going to get away with this,

then you have another….

The tape goes around her mouth.

Slowly they bring Bug Collector’s body back down and place it in the fallen position. They rearrange the room, pack up, look around.

Stalker Who does the calls?Claustro You’ve got the flash phone.

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Stalker I’ll do the ambulance, you do the police.Claustro Not here, I’ll be crap if there are people watching.Stalker Okay, well good luck.Claustro You too.

They leave the room. The Teacher struggles, falls over with her chair. After a pause, Bug Collector groans, slowly stirs. He stands up, confused, looks around. Sees the teacher, appears to remember something. Walks slowly towards her. She is squirming, terrified. He kneels in front of her. We can hear her muffled screams.

Bug Collector Lampona Cylindrata. White tail spider. Don’t worry, they’re not as poisonous as people think.

He gently takes the spider from her hair, goes back and puts it in his specimen jar and leaves.

Bug Collector I suppose this means the detention is over. Good night. Should I turn the light off?

LIGHTS DOWN

THE END

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