the pulse - vol. 8, issue 20

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT • MAY 19, 2011 • VOLUME 8, ISSUE 20 • WWW.CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Why would anyone want to be a cop these days, in these conditions? Simple.Because they never had a choice.

The Thinning Blue Line

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ContentsMAY

201119

VOLUME 8, ISSUE 20 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

“Is this the best we can do? Is this how little we truly value our children—all of our children?”

— Janis Hashe on the departure of Hamilton County School Superintendent Dr. Jim Scales.

7

“As the late Paul Harvey pointed out with eerie accuracy, ‘A police officer is a composite of what all people are: A

mingling of a saint and sinner, dust and deity.’” — Alex Teach on the challanges of becoming—and being—a police officer.

8

“Everyone should adopt a tree to remind them of the cycles of life and the value of standing together as we have done

through these storms.” — Sandra Kurtz on how to help restore a storm-damaged ecosystem.

12

“Pelada is beautiful in spite of the filmmakers’ shortcomings. Pelada is beautiful because of the passion of the players.”

—Film critic John DeVore on a documentary about soccer.

24

Cover photo by Christina SantucciNightfall 2011 - Opening Night!Dawes w/Dave Dykes & The Grateful Hearts

Want to watch a video of this week's Nightfall headliner? Download the FREE "QR Reader"

on your smartphone and scan this code.


President Jim Brewer, II

Publisher Zachary Cooper

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe

News Editor Gary Poole

Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins

Advertising Sales Jaye Brewer, Rick Leavell

Michelle Pih

Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Leanne Strickland

Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier

Pulse ContributorsGustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny

Dave Castaneda, Chuck Crowder John DeVore, Janis Hashe Joshua Hurley, Matt Jones Sandra Kurtz, Louis Lee

Josh Lang, Kelly Lockhart Ernie Paik, Alex Teach

Editorial CartoonistRick Baldwin

Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494Fax (423) 266-2335

Email [email protected]

Calendar [email protected]

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The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Pulse Beats

Tennessee, Virginia Collaborate on Civil War

NEWS “I think we can’t afford not to buy him out. This school board is just nuts; we go

from one extreme to the other.” — Hamilton County School Board member Rhonda

Thurman on buying out the contract of outgoing School Superintendent Dr. Jim Scales.

"Q"

News BriefsLong before the term was used in a political con-

text, Tennessee and Virginia were literally two of our country’s biggest “battleground states”, serv-ing as the sites for more Civil War battles than any other states.

Now archivists from the two states are teaming up in the border town of Bristol to create digital records of that part of their history.

Representatives from the Tennessee State Li-brary & Archives, the Tennessee State Museum and the Library of Vir-ginia will spend two days this month at the Bristol Public Library, examining Civil War-era documents and artifacts brought in by Tennessee and Virginia residents.

As part of the process, the archivists will elec-tronically scan the docu-ments and take digital photographs of the artifacts, which will be added to the historical collections in both states. The items will then be returned to their owners, who will receive tips on how to properly preserve and store them.

Some of the digital records will be featured in an online exhibit titled, “Looking Back: The Civil War in Tennessee.”

“This is an important project for the Tennessee State Library and Archives,” said Tre Hargett, Ten-nessee’s Secretary of State. “The Civil War was a major part of our state’s history, so we need to take appropriate steps to make sure future generations have access to these records. Some of these items

may have sat in someone’s attic or garage for years, but now researchers and history buffs everywhere will be able to see copies of them online, free of charge.”

“The Tennessee State Museum is pleased to be working with the Library and Archives, visiting communities across the state and helping citizens to evaluate and protect their Civil War collections,”

said Ron Westphal, the museum’s curator of his-tory and technology. “Preserving and protect-ing Tennessee’s heritage is an important part of our mission and the 150th an-niversary of the Civil War provides us with an op-portunity to focus on this extraordinarily important period of our history.”

“The Library of Virginia is pleased to partner with the Tennessee State Li-

brary and Archives to scan the private manuscripts and collections of Civil War material in the Bris-tol area,” added Librarian of Virginia Sandra G. Treadway. “These letters, diaries and records of the personal stories of those who lived in this turbulent period will strengthen our knowledge and under-standing of our history.”

In Tennessee, the archivists are in the process of collecting digitized Civil War records from all 95 counties as part of an effort to promote public in-terest in the 150th anniversary of the Civil War. So far, they have collected about 3,500 images. Ad-ditional information about the project is available at www.tn.gov/tsla/cwtn

• Chattanooga ranks dead last for mass transit access of the nation’s top 100 met-ropolitan areas, a national report shows. The two-year study gave the Chattanooga Area Regional Transportation Authority high marks for providing access to jobs and for its service frequency. But it rated the system’s geographical coverage for metro residents the worst. According to the re-port, mass transit service in the Chatta-nooga metro area reaches 53 percent of low-income residents, 20 percent in the middle-income bracket and 3.7 percent of high-income residents. On average, only about 22.5 percent of metro Chatta-nooga residents live within three-quarters of a mile of a bus route. That compares to about 28 percent in Knoxville and about 32 percent in Nashville.

• A property tax reassessment is un-derway in Hamilton County. Roughly 200 homeowners who had their property destroyed will be taxed only to the point their homes were destroyed on April 27. County trustee Bill Hullander says the move will cost Hamilton County about $100,000 in lost tax revenue. “That’s not what we’re concerned about,” Hullander says. “What we’re concerned about is taking care of the taxpayers, and making sure they’re not having to pay taxes on a home that they no longer have.” Taxes will go back up in 2012, assuming the property has been rebuilt.


Chattanooga Towing NightmareMy family and I recently traveled to

Chattanooga from Mobile to visit family and friends in the area. We, like many others, experienced outrageous and illegal car towing problems at the hands of one of your local towing companies. The whole situation was really a horror story.

My husband parked downtown at Cheeburger, Cheeburger and went inside to have a burger with a friend he had not seen in over two years. They stayed and talked for about two hours and upon leaving realized that our car was gone from the business’s parking lot. Numerous calls to the phone number posted on the signs in the parking lot went unanswered so my husband finally decided to call the police. When the police arrived they ran my car through the system and found no report of it being towed.

The next day we got up first thing in the morning and tried again to contact the number on the towing sign. We finally got ahold of the company and he said to come to his lot to pick up our car “with $200 cash.” We explained to him the situation and the incident with the police the night before and he hung up on us. I myself went to pick up my car and called the police on my way and asked an officer to meet me there.

As soon as I got out of my borrowed car and told this man why I was there and that I was waiting on a police officer to arrive, they immediately started screaming and coming at me. They told me, “F*ck you, get the f*ck off our property” and quickly locked the car inside the fence and took off saying

that they had to go to another tow and “good luck getting my car back.” It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

Finally the police showed up and the owner appeared from around the corner where he had been hiding! Yes, this grown “business” man had lied to me and said that he was leaving, yet had really been hiding around the corner. He ran to the police and tried to speak to them before I did. I

heard him shouting to them that I had threatened him.

The police approached me and took down some information from me, but we soon had to leave because a tornado was fast approaching. I agreed to meet the officer back at that same place in a few hours. He told me not to get out of my car until he arrived and let him do the talking next time.

The police ended up telling me that there was not a lot that they could do at the time to waive my $200 fee so when I came back the next time I just paid it and tried to get the hell out of there! Grace Goedde

Much Ado About “Idol”I find it quite interesting that for years business

owners along the North Shore have, in vain, tried to get permission from the city to close off Frazier Avenue for a community parade. Many of the local businesses have long wanted to put together some form of street festival as way to not only bring notice to our part of town but also to help celebrate local business owners, galleries and restaurants. Yet they’ve always been given a cold shoulder.

Until a teenage singer on American Idol comes to town and then not only does the street get shut down, but officers were blocking off street parking the afternoon before! How can the city justify shutting down access to local business for a national television show instead of supporting our own hometown people? Belinda Masterson

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OpinionNEWS


Politics & CrimeNEWS

Here is one of the agenda items to be discussed at the Tuesday, May 24 meeting of

the Chattanooga City Council.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the current agenda, and past minutes, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office,

the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

7. Resolutions:a) A resolution authorizing the Chief of the Chattanooga Fire Department to enter into a contract with Construction Consultants to construct Fire Station #3 on Cummings Hwy. for a base bid of $1,228,900.00, plus a con-tingency of 10 percent or $122,890.00, for a total price not to exceed $1,351,790.00.

If you’ve ever wondered where your tax money goes, here’s a perfect example of why we all need to pay taxes. Fire stations aren’t cheap—obviously. As one can see from the above reso-lution, it can cost upwards of $1.3 million to build. But from where we stand, that’s money well spent, as it goes right back to the commu-nity, providing better and more effective fire service.

With all the budget-cutting debates ongoing among council members, it’s important to not lose sight of the primary purpose of govern-ment. Simply put—that is to provide for the general welfare of the citizens, and one of the most important aspects of that is making sure we don’t lose lives and property to fires.

• Government officials often travel to other cities to see how things are done differently, and whether they can learn anything new to help their own governments. However, what residents of Rhea County learned last week was that their county executive allegedly had something else on his mind that didn’t involve municipal government. While staying in Knox-ville the previous weekend, George Thacker was caught up in a law enforcement prostitu-tion sting. Undercover Knoxville police officers were running the sting at the corner of Bernard and Tyson Streets. A police official said that Thacker offered one of the undercover officers money in exchange for sexual favors. He was subsequently arrested and will face a misde-meanor charge of patronizing prostitution. Thacker had just taken over as county execu-tive last September, but has made no firm an-nouncement of his future plans in government in light of this arrest.

• It’s one thing to lie to get out of trouble with your girlfriend. It’s an entirely differ-ent situation when you tell her and the police that you’d been kidnapped—especially if it isn’t true. A Rossville man was arrested for filing a false police report claiming that he’d been kid-

napped and held against his will for a week. One police in-vestigated, however, his story quickly fell apart. Finally, he admitted to making the story up so that his girlfriend wouldn’t press charges against him for taking her vehicle. The man said that he and two oth-er men spent the time drink-ing alcohol and smoking crack cocaine. During the binge, one of the guys took the girlfriend’s car and didn’t return. When the boyfriend realized he’d be held responsible for the car, he decided to make up the story so that she wouldn’t pros-ecute him. Instead, now he’s in much worse trouble, the least of which is now being a single man again.

• There are resasons most businesses won’t accept large denomination bills. One of the main reasons is that there are too many peo-ple out there still trying—and all too often succeeding—with the “quick change” scam. A cashier at a popular diner-style restaurant on Highway 58 fell victim to just such a scam last week when a women, dressed in purple, or-dered a hamburger and asked for change for a $100 bill. The cashier obliged, counting out the change for the large bill. Yet when she turned to call out the burger order to the cook, the woman scooped up not only the change but the original $100 bill as well. Witnesses were

able to get a look at the getaway vehicle, but police have so far been unable to track down the suspect.

• And for those that think they can alter prescriptions for painkillers and get the state to pay for it, the government is actually very good at noticing such attempted fraud. A Chattanooga woman learned this after she was charged with TennCare fraud for altering a pre-scription for pain medication and trying to have the state pay for it. The woman is accused of knowingly altering a prescription for the pain-killer Hydrocodone by increasing the quantity and then attempting to use TennCare benefits to pay for the drug. “This is a great example of a pharmacy that was alert to the tactics some people will use to obtain prescription painkill-ers,” Inspector General Deborah Y. Faulkner said. “Tennessee pharmacies are getting more and more tuned in to the aspects of TennCare fraud, and we depend on them to help us iden-tify these cases so we can prosecute them.”


If you don’t have children in the Hamilton County School District, maybe you don’t care about the con-tinuing uproar over the school board’s move to buy out Superintendent Dr. Jim Scales’s contract.

But you should.Because in a very big way, this controversy represents

the place where Chattanooga and the surrounding area is right now: on a tipping point between the future and the past.

The city is justifiable proud of the enormous strides made over the last couple of decades years in renew-ing and revitalizing itself. Yet the school district, which those willing to speak openly acknowledge is still strug-gling with a racist past, is not making the progress across the board that will allow access to the benefits of this renewal to all Chattanoogans—not just those well off enough to take advantage of it.

No question that some of Chattanooga’s magnet schools are superb and receiving well-deserved national recognition. But go into the halls of those schools and you will find parents working as volunteers, providing the man hours the district cannot pay for. Go into other schools, where most of the parents must spend their hours working long hours in draining jobs, and you will see another story. Teachers struggle to provide just the basic necessities of learning to their kids, many of them spending their own money to buy supplies.

Is this the best we can do? Is this how little we truly value our children—all of our chil-dren?

It is apparent that Dr. Scales has never been given the sup-port he needed to steer the district toward the future. The constant infighting, sniping and undercutting of his deci-sions by some on the school board has made it virtually impossible for him to imple-ment many of the changes he proposed. And the ones who suffer the most from these distractions and lack of com-mitment to change are, as usual, the students.

There are those on the both the school board and the county commission who continue to beat the drum for “someone local.” And while all qualified candidates for this important position should be considered, “someone local” smacks very strongly of “someone who thinks just like us.” Someone who thinks the district does not

need to change, and change radically, in order to meet the needs of all its students. Someone who looks to the past, not to the future for a model.

If you look into how big school districts across the country conduct searches for school superintendents, you find these searches are done in the same way a company searches for a CEO, because a CEO is, to some degree, what a superintendent is. He or she must be a superb administrator, an innovator and most of all, a leader who can inspire others to get behind the ideas

he presents. The work of Geoffrey Canada of the Har-lem Children’s Zone, recently here in Chattanooga as part of the George T. Hunter Lecture Series, of course comes to mind.

But one person, as inspirational as they may be, is not the answer. Without the will from the community and the elected officials who represent it to take the school district into excellence for all students, that person is doomed to failure, no matter how hard they work and no matter how qualified.

And how we care for and prepare our children for the future will without doubt be the measure of our city’s continuing growth and success. The jobs of the future need educated workers. And beyond that, without a full and grounded education, access to the American Dream is denied.

So which is it, Chattanooga? All of us have a stake in the answer.

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

Tipping Point: Future or Past?Beyond The HeadlinesOPINION

“Is this the best we can do? Is this how little we truly value our children—all of our children?”


The Thinning Blue LineCOVER STORY

The Thinning Blue LineBy Alex Teach, Pulse Feature Writer

“Hookers hustlers killers and thieves, out on the streets Got my mind warped, just found another corpse on the beat Bound gagged raped, I’m frustrated, I hate it Found a woman in the dumpster, body was mutilated Bad dreams all up in my head, no lie Sometimes I gotta’ take a sniff so I can get by I recall, happier times, before the fall Look into the eye of the pig… I see it all.” — Cypress Hill, “Looking Through the Eye of a Pig”

As a columnist, an immediate and logical response is the num-bers. As of this writing, there is an 11 percent increase in line of duty officer deaths this year over last. While 11 percent may not blow your skirt up, the fact that this is in addition to last year’s 37 percent increase over 2009’s numbers may start to slow down your pace…and the fact that as of May 2011, there is a 41 percent in-crease in gun-related officer deaths over 2010’s numbers should go ahead and bring you to a stop with your full attention.

Never mind the historic low pay shared by teachers, firemen, and servicemen and women; cops are getting killed, literally, in record numbers. Eleven officers were murdered in just one 24-hour pe-riod in January. Do you see where I’m coming from yet?

Hell with the numbers then. We all know the risks as cops (as do our families), but we press on regardless. No one would ever try anything if they were afraid of the risks all of the time, so we just “go” and worry about the consequences later…but what of

the other intangibles outside of things as sterile as statistics? A car, for example, can be brought down in one brutal crash (as an officer can be brought down by a felon’s bullet), but what of the cars that are slowly worn by rust, rotting from the inside out until they are barely held together by the surface paint? What of the cops that, like the cars, are rusting from the inside out without ever really realizing it until it’s too late?

The local High Sheriff hasn’t given raises to his men and wom-en in three years, but last month, managed to give thousands of dollars in raises to just his five highest paid (as opposed to the lowest paid) employees instead—with nothing for the rest. Are you inspired?

A local mayor stopped hiring cops to save money. For two years we retire and quit without replacements by the dozen, leaving us to work shorthanded with fewer cops, fewer back-ups, and when crime starts to spike, what does this mayor do? He takes away equip-ment from those remaining trying to keep the ship afloat. And to those

“On the Beat”; this is the consolation prize to the original title I wanted for this column when it started a few years ago. “Eye of the Pig” was my choice; because it sees it all. And that, my friends, says it all. How can I ever explain this?

This cover story started after a brief conversation with my editor (and, depending on proximity to deadline, my friend) regarding a very long week we had in local law enforcement recently. “Why would anyone want to be a cop?” he asked.

I had no immediate answer.

“As the late Paul Harvey pointed out with eerie accuracy, ‘A police officer is a composite of what all people are: A mingling of a saint

and sinner, dust and deity.’”


that remain? He retains them by stopping their pay plan and jeopardizing their pen-sions–for which he then blames them.

Never mind pay and benefits though; it’s a pitfall of cop arguments that’s been a source of whining for nearly two centuries, so I’ll concede that for the remainder.

So how about this: A few weeks ago, the executive editor of a local newspaper had one of his reporters try to contact the widow of a slain (Chattanooga) police of-ficer within a few hours of his mur-der to see how this made her feel, and when criticized, he made the police-men out to be the jerks in the situation for questioning his methods and subse-quent justifications. This was made front-page news by the apparently offended editor himself. How would you feel if you were the widow?

Another officer spent a few hours sitting in a lo-cal emergency room re-cently while he was wait-ing to have blood drawn to have it tested for HIV, after having come in con-tact with it for having the audacity to try to stop a complete stranger from killing herself. (This, as opposed to the former example, made no news at all.) Exciting work, isn’t it? (Last name first on the application, now.)

There are dozens of examples like these generated every day, yet here I am…and I still can’t say why I took this job so long ago nor, as asked, why anybody would for that matter. Yet I and another .3 percent of the overall population of the U.S. continue to do it.

As best I can explain it, it’s like a bad secret that everyone knows but you don’t want anyone to talk about. It’s a job that has to be done, that you want to be done, but can barely imagine doing so yourself. It’s a task. A never-ending duty that can’t

be completed, a rock that can never be pushed to the top of the hill, yet there are an average of 800,000 people in the U.S. in law enforcement (out of a quarter of a billion citizens) that have their shoulder to that very stone day after day. Politicians call them heroes when it’s convenient, but people with a degree of common sense call them fools on some level. And without seeking a compliment or an argument to soothe an ego, I would agree.

So who does “The Job,” as I have come to call it, you may ask? Take me for example:

I use coarse lan-guage. I say the first thing that comes to mind, which is more of-ten offensive than

it is polite. I do crazy things,

like admit to punching someone when they punch me first or telling wife beaters and child abusers that they “are pieces of shit” and they “disgust” me, instead of calling them “sir” and politely driving them to jail with my little round hat on like Hoke driving Miss Daisy.

I even have opinions that are contrary to the

mainstream ideas that people cling to in order to maintain a sense of security in a world that is incredibly unapologetic and cold in its billion-year plans (of which, it turns out, we are only an afterthought).

Worst of all though, I break the cardinal rule of the public’s impression of what a cop is: I speak…when I am not spoken to.

(Note: This rule violates the go-to con-clusion for a small segment of society that interprets “public servant” as being liter-ally that: Someone who serves you dinner or lunch. The truth is that we are actually servants of the Constitution and the Pub-lic Trust…but the concept is hard to convey properly while clasping cuffs on those still


“What of the cops that, like the cars, are rusting from the inside out without ever

really realizing it until it’s too

late?”


desperately trying to maintain a level of dominance in a situ-ation in which they no longer have any control.)

So with all these negatives…how, you ask, did such a repug-nant example of a human be-ing slip through the gauntlet and get hired to become a po-liceman? Simple. I just made a phone call when I needed a job and the rest fell into place; it was as if I never had a choice. But for many others it’s often the result of years of train-ing and preparation, or worse, years of consideration to an-swer that distant calling that rattles around in the back of their brain, and being forced to ignore it for one reason or another.

Just today, I was literally writing this piece when a man was killed in an alleyway off of Roanoke Avenue on the eastern half of Chattanooga. While I typed this, a cop had to find a corpse, mentally file that picture in a psychologi-cal storage room of horrors, then find a family member

and deliver news that would devastate them and scar their memories forever.

Children lost a parent, parents lost a son, and in a short amount of time the cop had to move on to explaining to the next client why they couldn’t park their car in their neighbor’s driveway, and politely listen to their inane ban-ter while being distracted by the fresh mental image of a man with his body torn open by bullets and slowly be-

ing surrounded by coagulating blood in 96 degree heat.

Next time you’re pulled over (for no reason whatsoever, of course), know that this could very well be going through the young man or woman’s mind who has you in their radar sights—then consider how im-portant your “argument” will be against this. That’s a lot of deep stuff to wade through, but it’s based in fact and I have dif-ficulty expressing it any other way, so I suppose I should give someone else a chance.

As the late Paul Harvey pointed out with eerie accura-

cy, “A police officer is a composite of what all people are: A mingling of a saint and sinner, dust and deity.”

As in the case of the local newspaper, the media try to underscore instances of dishonesty and brutality—but leave out the fact that less than one-half of one percent of officers misfit the uniform; this is, as Paul put it, “a bet-ter average than you’d find among clergy.”



“A policeman must from a single strand of hair,” he went on to say, “be able to describe the crime, the weapon and the criminal—and tell you where the criminal is hiding.

“If he catches the criminal,” said Harvey, “he’s lucky; if he doesn’t, he’s a dunce. If he gets promoted, he has political pull; if he doesn’t, he’s a dullard. The policeman must chase a bum lead to a dead-end, stake out ten nights to tag one witness who saw it happen—but refused to remember. The policeman must be a minister, a social worker, a diplomat, a tough guy and a gen-tleman. He must be able to whip two men twice his size and half his age without dam-aging his uniform and without being brutal. If you hit him, he’s a coward. If he hits you, he’s a bully.”

There is more, but this is enough to indicate that Paul Harvey “got it”. He clearly knew a po-liceman or two very well because he covered both the reasons the job was horrible and won-derful (if you were really reading it) at the same time in his ageless submission.

So… after all that, why, again, would anyone want to do “this”, despite all this?

The answer is still the same: We Just Do.

We know the underbelly of the world that we don’t want our families to see; we know, and touch, genuine evil. We know where it lives, what time it goes out, what it is capable of, and we know that we never want our loved ones to have to see it face to face as we do…and so we draw that line, as cops and soldiers have since the beginning of civilized society. And for something so ominous, it may even explain why such a small percentage of our society (one third of one percent) feels compelled to do this.

Perhaps the better question, then, is how do we do this?

To that question, I can finally give a simple answer. Or rather, a great lawman from the past can:

“No man in the wrong can stand up against a fellow that’s in the right and keeps on a-comin’.” — Captain Bill McDonald (1852-1918), Texas Rangers.

And in that one quote, emblazoned upon the tombstone of an Old West legend that became famous without ever having to kill a man, it comes together for me: Despite the best efforts of governments to crush morale and safety standards, dwindling budgets, misguided priorities, and politi-cal correctness…there is a small group of people that are compelled by the concept

of right vs. wrong to do this thing, if only for a little while.

That Thin Blue Line: It’s perceived as a wall of silence by the ignorant and uninitiated, but in reality it’s a wall between lawless-ness and order and that’s all it’s ever been. It’s that line in the sand that de-clares “No More” to evil, and it’s unde-niably getting thin-ner…but it’s intact all the same.

Because for all the damage to it caused by govern-

ments who should be nourishing it instead of causing its atrophy, its strength and numbers do not come from line items and figures in any budget, and that’s what’s al-ways kept it solvent, even in a year such as this.

It comes from that little voice that is heard by those third of a percent who an-swer its call, and wear a shield.

Why would anyone want to be a cop these days, in these conditions? Simple.

Because they never had a choice.


“We are actually servants of the

Constitution and the Public Trust…but the

concept is hard to convey properly while

clasping cuffs on those still desperately trying

to maintain a level of dominance in a

situation in which they no longer have any

control.”


As you move around this region after the recent tornadoes, it is evident that we have witnessed true devastation, including damage to homes and loss of human life. Aside from damaged buildings, the loss of many beautiful old trees is most visible.

With so many destructive storms and loss of trees in one season, questions should be asked: Is this just a bad year—or is it the result of climate change? Meteorologists and climatologists both say you can’t tell in one season. Still, it does appear that catastrophic storms are increasing. Climate change scientists do predict such an increase, plus prolonged periods of drought punctuated by periods of excessive precipitation and more extreme heat and cold. Time will tell.

Here in Tennessee, our whole way of living is based on a forest ecosystem, so the loss of any tree is sad. These plants operate in amazing ways. Engineers marvel that trees get water to travel up 60 feet or more into the topmost leaves without a pump. (The sun provides the fuel.) Trees are master multi-taskers. Their list of services includes air conditioning, carbon sequestration, temperature control, stormwater management, erosion control, soil nutrition, tree/wildlife/people food, oxygen through photosynthesis, windbreak, spiritual sustenance and beauty, seeds for new life, art material, climbing places, homes for wildlife and/or people, building materials, fuel for cooking and heat, medicines, and jobs.

Most of these services are free and yet trees

do have economic value. Of course, we thinks of the industry producing lumber, but there are energy savings too. Strategically planted trees can provide as much as a 30 percent reduction in cooling and heating costs by moderating temperature. Start by planting deciduous

trees on the south side of a building. Trees also shade reflective paving and roofs, thereby reducing air temperature and providing evaporative cooling. They funnel cooling breezes. Then, there are the aesthetics plus recreational benefits. Every kid should have a chance to climb a tree, to read or daydream, or pretend some grand scheme with friends from a high vantage point. I’m reminded of the children’s book, A Tree is Nice.

Forests have interesting dynamics too. Scientists now know that trees in a forest have a mutual defense system. They can send chemical messages to each other warning of attacks from defoliating insects or caterpillars. Other nearby trees so notified emit insect-repelling chemicals. Trees in a forest are also better protected from a storm. While trees on the edges are more subject to destruction, trees in the center are less affected by wind and tornadic activity. In cities, full of paved

spaces, a forest serves to prevent heat islands build-up. Heat islands actually affect weather patterns as hot air rises to hit cold air above. One goal of the local Climate Change Plan is to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in the air by increasing the percentage of forest canopy through stormwater management and carbon sequestration.

Throughout history trees have been symbols for life, rebirth, and even afterlife. What stories the old ones can tell. Every now and then, I hear someone say, “I don’t want any trees in my yard.” I suppose they imagine some day one could fall on their house or they wish to avoid raking leaves (you don’t really have to.) That seems shortsighted.

Everyone should adopt a tree to remind them of the cycles of life and the value of standing together as we have done through these storms. Religious traditions remind us of a sacred tree where one finds healing, power, security, and wisdom.

For our lost trees, pause for a moment of respect and thanks.

Plant more.

Sandra Kurtz is an environmental education consultant, a former classroom teacher and a founder of Tennessee Environmental Edu-cation Association. Presently she is executive co-director with the Urban Century Institute, a local nonprofit organization promoting sustainability and sustainable thinking.

Mourning the Old and Planting the New

Sandra Kurtz

Shades Of GreenOPINION

“Everyone should adopt a tree to remind them of the cycles of life and the value of standing together as we

have done through these storms.”


Many remembrances are going on throughout the country this year commemorating the 150th anniversary of the first year of the Civil War. Of course, our own area is surrounded by and part of key battlegrounds in the war, and the Hunter Museum allows us to meditate on this tragic and pivotal time in American history with its new exhibit, “Between the States: Photographs of the Ameri-can Civil War from the George Eastman House Collec-tion”, which opened May 8 and will continue through August 28.

As the museum notes, “To commemorate the 150th anniversary of ‘Mr. Lincoln’s War,’ Between the States: Photographs of the American Civil War from the George Eastman House Collection [features] a selection of his-torical photographs of the Civil War by photographers including George Barnard, Mathew Brady, and Alexander Gardner. The exhibition explores how photographers used the medium during this period to record the war, promote popular causes and commemorate those who sacrificed their lives.

“This exhibition [includes] more than 100 facsimiles of seldom-seen items from the George Eastman House col-lection, including many images where the original object is too fragile to travel or be exhibited for the public. Se-lections of famous published works such as Photographic Views of Sherman’s Campaign and Gardner’s Sketchbook of the Civil War will be exhibited in addition to items only

held at George Eastman House, such as pages from the album entitled The Lincoln Conspiracy and extremely rare photographs of the C.S.S. Alabama, a Confederate naval vessel.

“Along with these materials, the exhibition [is supple-mented] with reproductions of portraits of civil war era figures, including Abraham Lincoln, General Ulysses S.

Grant, Jefferson Davis, Sojourner Truth, Tom Thumb, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglas, and Susan B. Anthony. The George Eastman House collection also abounds with portraits of soldiers, many of whose identities remain unknown, but whose images remind us of the endless number of soldiers who served during this war. Other

facsimile photographs feature infamous pris-ons, sweeping battlefields, fortress interiors, and post-Civil War memorial sites. There are about a dozen images of Chattanooga in the exhibition.”

This exhibition is an ideal time for anyone, not just Civil War buffs, to reacquaint them-

selves with the real ravages—and heroism—of war. Chat-tanooga and East Tennessee were divided between those supporting the Union and those siding with the Confed-eracy.

It truly was a time of brother against brother—and some of those conflicts still haunt us today.

Make the time to visit the museum and see this power-ful collection, and take the family with you. The Hunter is open late on Thursdays and also open both days on the weekend.

Picturing the War Between the StatesFeatureARTS

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Edtior

“This exhibition is an ideal time for anyone, not just Civil War buffs, to reacquaint themselves with the real ravages—and heroism—of war.”

“Between the States: Photographs of the American Civil War from the George Eastman House Collection”$9.95 adults (first Sunday of the month free)Monday, Tuesday, Friday: 10 a.m. - 5 p.m.Tuesday: 10 a.m. - 5 p.m.Wednesday: Noon - 5 p.m.Thursday: 10 a.m. - 8 p.m.Saturday: 10 a.m. - 5 p.m.Sunday: Noon - 5 p.m.10 Bluff View, (423) 267-0968.www.huntermuseum.org


Arts & Events CalendarARTS

ThursdayChattanooga’s Senior Arts Council Musical Event1:30 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 413-3873. www.bessiesmithcc.orgArt + Issues: An Artful Urban Design6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.orgMystery of the TV Talk Show7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.comThe Women7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comDances in Raw States7 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.orgJack Wilhite8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

FridayDay Out with Thomas: Leader of the Track Tour 20119 a.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. www.tvrail.com6th Annual Toddler Olympics10:30 a.m. Jones Memorial United Methodist Church, 4131 Ringgold Rd. (423) 531-1502.Chattanooga BioBlitz3 p.m. Chattanooga Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160. www.chattanooganaturecenter.orgMystery at the Nightmare Office Party6 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.comVinyasa and Vino6 p.m. Georgia Winery, 6469 Battlefield Pkwy., Ringggold. (706) 937-WINE.Frog Watch at the Zoo6 p.m. Chattanooga Zoo, 301 North Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1319. www.chattzoo.orgNightfall Music Series7 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. www.nightfallchattanooga.comDances in Raw States7 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.orgMystery of Flight 1387 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. Dearly Departed7:30 p.m. Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 W. Jackson Ave., Spring City. (423) 365-7529.Jack Wilhite7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

The House on Pooh Corner7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comThe Women8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comDave Waite: Stand Up Comedy!9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.comFemale Impersonation ShowMidnight. Images Showbar, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

SaturdayChattanooga Tour de Cure7:30 a.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. (865) 524-7868. www.tour.diabetes.orgChattanooga BioBlitz7:30 a.m. Chattanooga Nature Center, 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160. www.chattanooganaturecenter.orgInterfaith Homeless Network 5K Run/Walk8 a.m. Tennessee Riverwalk, Shelter 3, Amnicola Hwy. www.ihnchattanooga.orgChattanooga Fun Run Boating Event8 a.m. Chickamauga Dam. (423) 266-6918. www.chattanoogapowerboatclub.com1st Annual Girl Walk: Stepping Stones for the Future8 a.m. Chattanooga State Riverwalk, Amnicola Hwy. (423) 624-4757. www.girlsincofchatt.org/events

Children’s Hospital Dragon Boat Festival8:30 a.m. TVA Park at Chickamauga Dam. (423) 778-8057. chattanooga.racedragonboats.comDay Out with Thomas: Leader of the Track Tour 20119 a.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. www.tvrail.comFamily Canoe Trip10 a.m. Greenway Farms, 5051 Gann Store Rd. www.tnaqua.orgBrainerd Farmers Market10 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 458-6281.Chattanooga River Market10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496. www.chattanoogamarket.comArt till DarkNoon. 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.arttildark.comMystery at the Nightmare Office Party5:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com

[pelada]AEC Back Row Film Series kicks off with a documentary about soccer’s worldwide effects.$5 6 p.m. (advance purchase strongly encouraged)U.S. Elite Training, 6426 Dayton Blvd, (423) 267-1218. www.backrowfilms.com

The Women“Jungle red nails” in Clare

Booth Luce’s tale of female intrigue. $10-$25

8 p.m. show (talk back afterwards)

Chattanooga Theater Center, Main Stage, 400 River St.

Music: (423) 697-3383, Theatre: (423) 697-3246.

THURSDAY FRIDAY


American Cancer Society Relay For Life6 p.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. www.cancer.org/InvolvedDearly Departed6:30 p.m. Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 W. Jackson Ave., Spring City. (423) 365-7529.“The Swan Lake Project”7 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4269. www.utc.edu/musicThe Queen’s Concert Series7 p.m. Delta Queen, 100 River St. (423) 468-4500. www.deltaqueenhotel.comChattanooga Rollergirls vs. Hostess City Hellions7 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. www.chattanoogarollergirls.comChattanooga Football Club vs. Knoxville Force7 p.m. Finley Stadium, 1826 Carter St. www.cfc.comJack Wilhite7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

The House on Pooh Corner7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comThe Women8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comSaturday Night Movie with Ms. Kitty8 p.m. Baylor School Student Center, 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8505.Mystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding8 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.comDave Waite: Stand Up Comedy!10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.comFemale Impersonation ShowMidnight. Images Showbar, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

SundayDay Out with Thomas: Leader of the Track Tour 20119 a.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028. www.tvrail.comChattanooga Market11 a.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. www.chattanoogamarket.comRhodie Ramble at Lula Lake1:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496. www.tnaqua.orgDearly Departed2 p.m. Tennessee Valley Theatre, 184 W. Jackson Ave., Spring City. (423) 365-7529.

The House on Pooh Corner2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comThe Women2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comJack Wilhite8 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

MondayJoseph Campbell Roundtable: “Spirits Mundi” with Eric Tucker7 p.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. [email protected]

Tuesday1st Annual Girls Inc. Golf Open11:30 a.m. Lookout Mountain Golf Club, 1730 Wood Nymph Tr. (423) 710-3571.Songwriter’s Line-up7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.

WednesdayMain Street Farmers Market4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.comJewish Film Series: Where I Stand: The Hank Greenspun Story7 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. www.jewishchattanooga.comLookouts vs. Huntsville Stars7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.com

OngoingDinosaurs!Chattanooga Zoo, 301 North Holtzclaw Ave. (423) 697-1322. www.chattzoo.org“Old Houses and Courthouses”Exum Gallery, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 593-4265.“Insight”River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com“Spring Salon in Color!”Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com“The Southern Way: Grits, Gals, and Glory”Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658.“Jellies: Living Art”Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org“Point Time”AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282. www.avarts.org2011 Spring ShowcaseIn-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. www.intowngallery.com

Arts & Events CalendarARTS

“The Swan Lake Project”Ballet Tennessee introduces dancers and audience to Swan Lake.$12- $157 p.m.UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts.(423) 425-4269.

Kids in the Kitchen at the Chattanooga

MarketOK, it’ll be messy—but fun!

Free11 a.m. – 4 p.m.

First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St.

(423) 648-2496. chattanoogamarket.com

SATURDAY SUNDAY


Ah, the hot and sunny summer months to come can only mean one thing--it’s festival season again! From Riverbend to Nightfall and everything in between, Chattanooga is not without various music festivals and showcases. If you’re like me and wait until the very last minute to buy tickets to sold-out festivals (whoops), then consider some other options around the area. Coming up this weekend is Roots Fest, a three-day camping and music festival held 20 minutes outside of Chattanooga at Cherokee Farms in LaFayette, GA.

Roots Fest is more of an intimate festival where ev-eryone is family. The festival features bands and musi-cians that have been established in the Chattanooga scene for a long time. The campground is vast and sce-nic, with rolling hills and eye-captivating sights. The nice thing about this year’s installment of Roots Fest is that there is a little bit of everything.

The music line-up reads like a summary of this year’s pick of local flavors. Each day is filled with a great group-ing of bands from multiple genres—everything from rock to bluegrass to electronica.

Friday starts the festival off right with performances from Go Get ‘Em Sheriff, Sparkz, Baybee Invincible, Foam Party, Verb, and Robosapien. As an added bonus there will be a special DJ tent curated by Digital Butter’s main producer SiLLYiLL. The Friday night DJ tent theme is “Bass Night”, a proper name considered the line up of heavy bass representers consisting of KRRS24, Drug-money, Bassdonor, Boogie B and Erockimus.

I would recommend checking out Sparkz and Robosapien on this night. Sparkz is a hip-hop act that com-bines the raw swag-ger of Kid Cudi mixed with the energy of a live rock show. Sparkz is accompanied by a hip-hop live drummer, a great sight to watch. Robosapien is a jam/electronica fusion band that has excellent song struc-ture and music that you cannot help but watch.

The DJ tent is not one to skip out on either—you have some of the most prominent producers in Chat-tanooga about to go on heavy summer tours with the best producers in the world. Why not check them out in

their own backyard before that hap-pens? I always have a blast watching the KRRS24 sets that are filled with so much electricity you may just get shocked by the massive bass.

Saturday night will prove to be a party that no one will forget. The live bands line-up consist of The Shaky Show, Opposite Box, Strung Like a Horse, Glowing Bordis, Molly Maguires, Cannon Bus, Deep Machine, Digital Butter, The Nim Nims, Milele Roots, and the Donna Hopskin Band. The DJ Tent theme for the night is “Grown and Sexy” and is full of house music produc-ers Moonchild, Spoon, Geoff, Brandon Wahl and other guests.

Check out these recommendations while you are dancing Saturday night away with your new family! Opposite Box is going to be a solid choice to kick off

Saturday afternoon. Having witnessed the wildness that goes on in their live perfor-mances, this crew of hooligans will be sure to get your feet stompin’. Digital Butter will bring you that soul music that has you wanting to scream for more. Finally, Milele Roots is jamming the night away as they explore the spectrum of reggae culture that will get you groovin’ along.

The festival wraps up on a more low-key and chill note as the line-up concludes with Danimal Pinson, BJ, Riot Punch, Maycomb Criers, Endelouz, and The Owls. Two acts to look forward to are Danimal Pinson and Riot Punch. Danimal has been making his way through as a solid rock solo project that is not to be missed. Riot Punch delivers sample-based rock and jam music that has had crowds flocking to the new sounds.

All these bands, great music, great art, great food, and a community of musicians from the Chattanooga area getting together for some good vibes—what else do you need? Tickets are very limited to this intimate festival. Three day passes run $50, two days $40, and one day $25. Come watch these families of musicians collaborate and perform this weekend in the sunny hills of Cherokee Farms.

“The music line-up reads like a summary of this year’s pick of local flavors.”

Get Back to Your RootsFeatureMUSIC

By Dave Castaneda, Pulse Music Writer

ROOTS FESTMay 20, 21, 22Cherokee Farms, Old Mineral Springs Rd., LaFayette, GA. (423) 645-9699.www.roots-fest.com


New Music ReviewsMUSIC

Bonzo Dog BandA Dog’s Life (The Albums 1967-1972)(EMI)

Doom RibbonsThe Violence, the Violence(Open Letter)

When asked, “Does humor be-long in music?” Frank Zappa re-plied, “I think so, it belongs in every-day life.” Indeed, it deserves a place in music; however,

it’s tough to pull off truly successfully. Formed over four decades ago, the absurdist British musical group Bonzo Dog Band understood the delicate line it was treading—it simultaneously wanted to be taken seriously while not being taken seriously. That is, its members deeply understood musical satire and created legiti-mately great songs, but they were constantly and unrepentantly ridiculous, akin to Monty Python-type humor. Unlike Monty Python, though, Bonzo Dog Band isn’t quite a house-hold name for young American audiences who likely are more familiar with the group Death Cab For Cutie than the Bonzo Dog Band song that provided its name.

Perhaps the three-CD compilation A Dog’s Life will give the band’s legacy a boost—it’s a tidy package, featuring the entirety of the group’s first five albums, plus nine bonus tracks, reprising the exact contents of the 1993 anthol-ogy Cornology but with remastered sound. The group frequently did spot-on take-offs of past, even antiquated styles—Dixieland and tradi-tional jazz, doo-wop, and early rock/pop—and covered novelty jazz songs from the ’20s and ’30s. The comedic approaches vary, from using ludicrous metaphors (“Canyons of Your Mind”) to presenting absurd situations, like Adolf Hit-ler playing vibes on “The Intro and the Outro.”

The first three albums are the most satisfy-ing, with the fourth and fifth ones leaning more towards “goofy” than “funny” and not being so memorable; even when it wasn’t aiming higher than just being silly, the group always had an impeccable ear for arrangements. This critic’s favorite is the second, The Doughnut in Granny’s Greenhouse, which sports all original numbers, including the full-on psych-rock number “We Are Normal” and the soul-pop/dance song ex-tolling a domestic appliance (“Trouser Press”). Humor certainly belongs in everyday life, but the warped charm of Bonzo Dog Band presents a dog’s life that’s hardly everyday.

Doom Ribbons is a music proj-ect that seems to exist on its own level, beyond genres. Formed by percussionist and sample fiend James Owen as a

solo endeavor around a decade ago, it became a duo in 2007 with the addition of guitarist Shane Perlowin, best known for his work in the intense instrumental group Ahleuchatistas. Finally, the outfit’s debut album has emerged, entitled The Violence, the Violence, which is a concept album with a not-so-rosy worldview, conveyed with emotive, non-traditional sonic paintings. Its six tracks go in completely different directions, but Doom Ribbons unveils a unifying style that is more about its execution of tension and cre-ation of sound textures than showcasing par-ticular recognizable musical elements.

It’s apparent that Owen is a lover of sounds, from the opening of “Food for the New State” which features low-resolution samples of bird sounds and carefully winds itself up using re-verberating sung tones and acoustic guitar patterns; it ends with stuttering vocal frag-ments and snippets of vague terror that sound like people trying to escape a burning building. “Prayer for Collapsing Economies” jumps into an unexpected circus polka mode, with agitated violin and guitar parts that turn into skronks. The album’s finest moment is the shimmering, nine-minute “Big Other,” presenting bright electric and acoustic guitar notes with harmon-ics and chimes, snowballing two-thirds of the way through with a dominating guitar riff that joins some Energy-Brothers drumming.

“Horvat Jerusalem” uses a death accordion and an insistent saxophone ensemble vamp to channel its nervousness, leading to a Klezmer-flavored violin, hand-struck drums, and the un-settling spoken sample from which the album gets its title. “Drmfdbk” is the album’s most abstract piece, with controlled feedback and noise providing menacing tones and disorderly strings and saxes that are like out-of-control bats, and the album closes with the deceptively calm denouement of “Die Alone,” which fea-tures the line, “Die alone together is the best you could hope forever”—an unsettling end to a troubling, ambitious, and penetrating album.


ThursdayBen Friberg Trio7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.comOpen Mic Night7:30 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.comBlues Jam with Rick Rushing 7:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.comRuss Maddux8 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.comBuckner Brothers8 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005. www.thepalmshamilton.comJimmy Harris8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comJettison Never CD Release Show9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

FridayJohnny Cash Tribute Band5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.comJimmy Harris6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comA Sequence of Ghosts, The Overseer, Tyler Melashenko, Alive for a Day, Brando7 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. w ww.warehousevenue.comJamison Keen Band with James Jourdan7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.comPriscilla & Little Rickee8 p.m. The Foundary at the Chattanoogan, 1201 S. Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.thechattanooganhotel.comDana Rogers8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comOld Faithful Moon8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www.southsidesaloonandbistro.comJordan Hallquist9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechattThe Power Players Show Band9 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com

Brian Collins Band9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.www.myspace.com/jimstrikerRoger Alan Wade9 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.comDavid Dykes & The Grateful Hearts9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.comDJ E and Dancing9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.comDJ and Dancing9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648-6679.DJ and Dancing9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005. Hopsing Project Reunion Tour9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.comHow I Became the Bomb10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemiaCrossfire10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.comKaraoke & Dancing10 p.m. Chattanooga Billiards Club East, 110 Jordan Dr. (423) 499-3883.

Saturday Johnny Cash Tribute Band5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Jimmy Harris6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Tir Asleen, Comrades, Everybody Loves The Hero, Joey Whited, Jeremy Campbell7 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. www.warehousevenue.comBounty Hunter8 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.comPhil Lee8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.orgPriscilla & Little Rickee8 p.m. The Foundary at the Chattanoogan, 1201 S. Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.thechattanooganhotel.comOpposite Box, Subterranean Circus8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemiaMick Wheeler8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Jettison Never CD Release PartyLocals show off Waiting for Apparitions.$79 p.m.Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St.(423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

How I Became The Bomb

Become the Bomb yourself at JJ’s.

$710 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.(423) 266-1400.

myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Concert Calendar MUSIC

THURSDAY FRIDAY


Ed Snodderly8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.orgEveryone’s Audience9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechattBrian Collins Band9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.www.myspace.com/jimstriker Michelle Young with Pontiac Blue9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.comThe Power Players Show Band9 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com.DJ and Dancing9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd.. #202. (423) 499-5005. Zoso: The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Tribute with Delta Saints10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.comChanning Wilson10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Crossfire10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Sunday Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966.myspace.com/debbieslounge Irish Music Session6:30 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.comOpen Mic with Mike McDade7 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechattChristian Classic Tour with Steve Green, Twila Paris, Michael Card & Wayne Watson7 p.m. Abba’s House, 5208 Hixson Pk. (423) 877-6462. www.abbashouse.comKaraoke with DJ Randy9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.comKaraoke with DJ Salt9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.comThe Growlers, BABY BABY10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Monday Overland4 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.comOld Time Music Jam 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Monday Night Blues with Lon Eldridge7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.comBig Band Nite8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comKaraoke with DJ Randy9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.comKaraoke with DJ Salt9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com.

TuesdayBen Friberg Trio7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.comOpen Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.comKaraoke with DJ Salt9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.comKeep on Moving10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Wednesday Jimmy Harris6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Ben Friberg Trio7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Open Mic Night8 p.m. Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr. Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.comLoves It!8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemiaPrime Cut Trio8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd.. #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com.Glowing Bordis and The Nim Nims9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.comTornado Relief Concert Featuring Husky Burnette9 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.comAngie Aparo9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Concert Calendar MUSIC

Ed SnodderlyWitty tunes and fine guitar pickin’.$108 p.m.Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave.(423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org

The Growlers, Baby Baby

Don’t miss The Growlers, out of Long Beach, CA.

$710 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.(423) 266-1400.

myspace.com/jjsbohemia

SATURDAY SUNDAY


I’ve written a few pieces outlining the distinct differences between girls and guys. It’s very true that many times the two sexes don’t see eye-to-eye on their thoughts and feelings related to big-picture issues facing relationships. However, they say it’s the little things that can turn molehills into mountains and there is one phenomenon that never ceases to amaze me when it comes to the day-to-day inner workings of we dogs and cats. The lost, and not necessarily, found.

As the more-mature, thoughtful sex, women can plan a wedding down to the precise number of rose petals will be scattered down the aisle. They can make a simple outdoor barbeque with friends seem like an upscale dinner party with an attention to detail that will spin the head of any guy who stops for a minute to take into account all of the little things their lady took care of—like umbrellas for the drinks…or ice.

When it comes to simple tasks like keeping up with their keys or locating the television remote with exact coordinates in mind, however, girls just ain’t as mindful as we gents. Although seemingly not as important in the big scheme of things as say, determining the right baby shower petit fours flavor, knowing exactly where your car keys are when you’re late for something or other is something that we men take for granted as opposed to the opposite sex.

That’s because men keep everything we truly need on our person at all times. Keys, wallet and cell phone are always within one of the five pockets afforded us by Levi Strauss. Girls, on the other hand, wouldn’t dare insert a single stick of gum in their pants pockets for fear of looking fat. So, they place all of their valuables, and many unneeded items, in the convenient saddlebag of a purse. And it’s these black holes of whatnot that we guys will never really quite understand.

For most practical purposes, a woman’s purse is a great accessory for both parties in a relationship. You need an aspirin,

Chap Stick or breath mint; your lady will likely be Johnny-on-the-spot. But when it comes time to pay for something, unlock the car, or even call you back; their trilogy of essentials (wallet, keys, phone) are never in the same place at the same time. And this is when the purse fails.

Ladies understand this. That’s why they attach eight key chains, three carabiners and six mini-bonus cards to the two keys that access their house and car. That’s why they carry wallets the size of small day planners with $100 bills sticking out of them with the same haphazard importance paid to other valuable documents, such as perhaps a CVS receipt. And that’s why they assume everything else they might need must be in the unzipped leather satchel they carelessly gave a bartender to keep while they dance to the carefree sounds of

Here Come The Mummies.When they get home, however, they

realize that their check card is still unsigned at one of the eight bars they visited, their house key was lent to one of the six girlfriends who wanted to crash at their pad and their uncharged cell phone is completely missing in action. Meanwhile, we boyfriends—with all of our essentials still on our person—just want to hit their sofa to watch a little bit of late-night tube before turning in. But where’s the remote?

It’s not on or near the TV. It’s not behind one of the hundred accent pillows that adorn the sofa. It’s not under said sofa. It’s not on the kitchen counter or even in the refrigerator. After eliminating all other “logical” locales, we end up finding the key to the TV the last place our lady set it down before crashing the night before—the bathroom vanity. Of course, how could we have been so stupid? Or at least that’s the look we get from them when it’s finally unearthed. Wait a minute, battery’s dead? Damn.

Maybe it’s a guy thing. Charging phones, replacing batteries and keeping up with keys and cash. Girls, on the other hand, make life a lot better for us in all kinds of other ways. That’s why we truly need each other to make things happen from all angles. At least that’s what I’ve found (along with the remote).

Despite what you may be thinking as you read this (especially you fine ladies), I have a unique proof-point story I’d like to share in closing. My girlfriend was recently running late for work because she couldn’t find her cell phone. After turning upside down every square inch of her home and car, her frustration as to its whereabouts came to fruition when the elusive communications device was finally found.

Under the sheets of her made-up bed. I rest my case.

“When it comes to simple tasks like

keeping up with their keys or locating the

television remote with exact coordinates in

mind, girls just ain’t as mindful as we gents.”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts.

Losing My Mind...And The Remote

Chuck Crowder

Life In The ‘NoogOPINION


Chattanooga residents are infrequently afforded opportunities to see documentaries in the theater. Very few, if any, ever reach this fair city. Occasionally, we see something from Michael Moore or something equally as polarizing. Rarely do we see a film released in the theatres here that follows a small issue or minor group. A good documentary, how-ever, can open the viewer to ideas, places, and people very much outside narrow worldviews, usually by showing something on society’s fringe.

I would often rather see a good docu-mentary than an Oscar-winning drama. Our country has long been leaning towards the anti-intellectual, resulting in documentaries being largely independent productions, poor moneymakers, and unseen by the masses. Fans have to seek out films, wade through dozens of possibilities, and hope for the best. But this summer, we Chattanoogans have an opportunity to see documentaries that mat-ter. Documentaries that are different.

The Chattanooga Arts and Education Coun-cil is hosting its Back Row Film series, now in its seventh season, featuring five documen-tary film experiences that give us “opportuni-ties to interact with filmmakers, to see films on important subjects, talk to directors about the craft and discuss the subjects the film ad-dresses.”

The first of these films, Pelada, debuts on Thursday, May 19 at the U.S. Elite Training complex at 6246 Dayton Blvd. While Pelada isn’t a perfect film by any means, it’s effective in showing the heart of a worldwide, inclusive, and deeply loved sports culture found in the players of pick-up soccer games, often played wherever space allows.

“Pelada”, the Portuguese for “naked,” is the term applied to pick-up soccer games in Brazil. Filmmakers and former soccer stars Luke Boughen and Gwendolyn Oxenham are searching for meaning after losing their status as players. Neither has lost their drive for the game, but they feel the game has left them. Gwen was a part of the national women’s league, but that league has disbanded. She fo-cuses on creative writing, receiving a grant and waiting for the opportunity to play profession-ally one more time. Luke puts up billboards and contemplates law school. In an attempt to keep reality at bay, the pair begins a film about

their sport, the sport loved and played world-wide. What they achieve is something much more special. They find a heart of competition that beats across oceans.

Boughen and Oxenham are not natural filmmakers; the film itself is choppy and rough. Gwen provides an awkward running commen-tary that tends to dwell on her desire to com-pete and her drive to be the best. Her personal battle with her apparent professional failure is much less interesting than the footage of the people who play the game. The focus of the film should be the game itself, which hap-pens on beaches, in back alleyways, in prisons, in slums, on high pastures, low valleys, city streets, and rural African savannah.

At times, I wonder if our narrator is even aware of what she is witnessing. But the audi-ence is. I marveled at the skill of these players, at the drive and desire to play anywhere and everywhere. While our filmmakers are busy with their own lives, a man in South Africa is spending an entire day’s salary to play on a field carved out of a garbage dump. Women in Iran risk punishment for playing. Arabs and Israelis bring all of their tensions with them on the field. What Luke and Gwen find is so much larger than they are aware of dur-ing their journey. Audiences are lucky to glimpse a world of

simple sport, far from overpaid stars, a world where people play just because they love the sport. Pelada is beautiful in spite of the film-makers’ shortcomings. Pelada is beautiful be-cause of the passion of the players.

What makes this a successful film is the honesty of the filmmakers and the simplicity of the subject. In a film with such a large stage, it would be easy to lose focus. The fact that Gwen and Luke are out of their element, gen-erally not speaking the language or knowing the customs, allows them to immerse them-selves fully in another form of communication, one that they speak fluently. Through the game they are accepted.

The film highlights the connectivity of the sport, a connectivity that brings people to-gether. But it also shows that common ground doesn’t heal all wounds. Too often documen-taries focus on an agenda. What makes Pelada special is its lack of a message. It just shows the world as it is.

Film FeatureSCREEN

For Love of The Beautiful Game By John DeVore, Pulse Film Critic

Pelada (first film in this season’s AEC Back Row Film Series) $5 6 p.m. (advance purchase strongly encouraged)U.S. Elite Training, 6426 Dayton Blvd, (423) 267-1218. www.backrowfilms.com


New In TheatersSCREEN

Yo Ho Ho, Here We Go, Let’s Make Some DoughFor Love of The Beautiful Game It’s a slow week at the box office for new

releases, mainly because none of the major studios (or, for that matter, most of the minor ones) wanted anything to do with the most popular pirate of all time, that being Johnny Depp’s iconic Capt. Jack Sparrow.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger TidesThe fourth chapter of the popular Pirates of

the Caribbean movies finds our intrepid pirate (anti)hero crossing paths with a woman from his past, in the guise of Penelope Cruz. Cap-tain Jack Sparrow is swept aboard the Queen Anne’s Revenge, the ship of the formidable pi-rate Blackbeard, on an unexpected mission to find the elusive fountain of youth. Seems a fairly simple plot, and that is a rather welcome change from the past two installments of the series, which were loaded down with too many characters and far too many confusing plot twists. Getting back to a more simple story and allowing the focus of the film to be on Depp, the glowing Cruz, and the deliciously evil Ian McShane as Blackbeard (plus the al-

ways delightful Geoffery Rush as Barbossa) keeps audiences from being confused and allows some nice, quieter moments to break through the usual hustle and bustle of this type of action/adventure flick. While director Gore Verbinski passed on the fourth install-ment, Chicago director Rob Marshall seems to have things well in hand and box office projections are already heading north of the $100 million mark for this opening weekend. Whether that is due to the appeal of Depp or to the “Pirates” franchise is something for film fanatics to argue about afterwards, but the simple fact is that Depp has invested all of his heart, energy, humor and superior physi-cal acting with homages to Charlie Chaplin and Douglas Fairbanks, Jr, into his portrayal of Capt. Jack. Instead of settling for a “let’s make a bunch of money” type of movie, Depp brings his “A” game once again, which of course means plenty of money anyway.Stars: Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Ian McShane, Geoffrey Rush Director: Rob Marshall

Midnight in ParisA romantic comedy about a family trav-

eling to the City of Light for business. The party includes a young engaged couple forced to confront the illusion that a life different from their own is better. Yep, only in a Woody Allen movie would an entire family travel to Paris on a business trip, yet as with all things Allen—both good and bad—the mechanics of the plot usually take second stage to the act-ing. And as he always seems to do, he gathers together a superb cast, featuring Owen Wil-son, Rachel McAdams, Kathy Bates, Michael Sheen, Adrien Brody, Léa Seydoux and a host of other talents that dive into the dialogue with verve and discipline. It’ll be lucky to match up to a tenth of the box-office success of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, but then again, when was the last time you heard the phrase “blockbuster” in relation to a Woody Allen movie? They are what they are, and this is better than most.Stars: Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams Director: Woody Allen


This week, Riley’s invites you to stimulate your senses with a brand new, exciting Great Buy. By now I hope every-one knows that Great Buys are included in this weekly column brought to you by Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson, in which I pick something special from the area’s favorite selection of adult beverages from around the world then share it with the readership of The Pulse. This week’s selection is Cream, a flavored, alcohol-infused whipped cream!

It’s always refreshing when I see some-thing totally original being released in a market that consists mainly of copies of already-popular products. Cream comes to this market packaged in a 375mL alu-minum, aerosol-dispensed can and is available in six different flavors, including cherry, raspberry, vanilla, chocolate, cara-mel and orange. Unlike the non-alcoholic dairy whipped creams available at your local grocery stores, Cream is completely shelf stable. This means you don’t have to worry about “best if bought by” dates, refrigeration or short shelf lives. The possibilities are end-less with this product, which can be enjoyed straight up from the can, topped on your fa-vorite drink or ice cream, or hey, let’s face it, on your loved one! I tried each flavor and here’s what I thought:

Raspberry: Cream Raspberry is a tasteful little honey concocted from natural and arti-ficial raspberry flavors. Straight up, the pal-ate is immediately aware of the fresh, sharp raspberry flavor, which eventually gives over to a light, alcohol burn with a creamy fin-ish. Suggested use: Chocolate Raspberry Creamtini: 1 and 1/2 oz.. raspberry-flavored vodka (Chambord Vodka), 1 oz. Cream de Cacao White. Top with Cream Raspberry.

Vanilla: Cream Vanilla is made from both natural and artificial vanilla flavors. Straight up, it tasted like French vanilla ice cream with a small alcohol burn on its creamy-textured finish. Use Cream Vanilla in a Va-nilla Creamtini: 1 and 1/2 oz.. vanilla-flavored vodka, 1 and 1/2 oz. Bailey’s Irish Cream. Top with Cream Vanilla.

Chocolate: Cream Chocolate is the answer to any chocolate-lover’s prayers. Combin-

ing both natural and artificial ingredients and tasting like the best Swiss chocolate cream sickle you’ve ever tasted, Cream Chocolate is a must. Try Cream Chocolate straight up or in a Chocolate Creamtini tonight: 2 oz. vodka, 1/2 oz. Cream de Cacao Dark. Shake or stir, top with Cream Chocolate.

Cherry: Cream Cherry is so very—well, cherry. Made with both natural and artifi-cial cherry flavors, Cream Cherry can go anywhere a cherry on top can go. Try it in a Cherry Cosmo: 3 oz. cherry vodka, 1 1/2 oz Triple Sec, 1 oz. cranberry juice, splash of lime juice. Shake or stir and top with Cream Cherry.

Caramel: Cream Caramel is made from both artificial and natural cream flavors. If caramel is your thing, then you’re in luck. My recommendation for‘Cream Caramel is to use it as a topping for lattes.

Orange: Cream Orange is a dream. Vivid, childhood memories of orange cream sickles come rushing back once this flavored cream landed on my palate. It is made from natu-ral and artificial orange ingredients. Drink it straight up or in an Agent Orange: 1 oz. Yu-kon Jack Canadian Whiskey, 1 oz. Jim Beam, 1 oz. apple schnapps, 1 oz. vodka. Pour into glass with ice, shake, add a cherry and top with Cream Orange.

Get creamed! Try Cream–flavored whipped cream alcohol infusions today, on sale at Riley’s Wine and Spirits for $11.49 plus tax.

Cream of the CropRiley's Spirits WithinWINE & SPIRITS

By Joshua Hurley, Riley's Wine & Spirits


Free Will AstrologyENTERTAINMENT

Solution To Last Week's Crossword

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In order to capture the spirit of the landscapes he painted, French artist Claude Monet used to work outside in all kinds of weather. When I look at masterpieces like “Snow at Argenteuil” or “The Magpie, Snow Effect, Outskirts of Honfleur,” I like to imagine he was so engrossed in his work that he barely even registered the bitter chill. I bet you’ll be able to achieve a similar in-tensity of focus in the coming week, Taurus. You could be so thoroughly absorbed in an act of creation or a ritual of transition or an attempt at transformation that you will be virtually exempt from any discomfort or inconvenience that might be involved.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): What’s going to happen for you in the coming week will be the metaphorical equivalent of gaining the ability to see infrared light with your naked eye or to detect the ultrasonic sounds that only dogs can hear. With this virtual superpower at your disposal, you just may be able to figure out how people’s unspoken feelings have been covertly affecting your destiny. You will intuit lucid inklings about the probable future that will help you adjust your decisions. You might even tune in to certain secrets that your own unconscious mind has been hiding from you.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Devilish laughter revels in chaos, says Loyola University philosophy professor John Clark. “It’s an assault on excessive order, authority, and se-riousness.” Angelic laughter, on the other hand, “expresses delight in the wondrousness of life and in the mystery of the order and fitness of things.” I’d like to suggest, Cance-rian, that the time is ripe for you to revel equally in the dev-ilish and the angelic varieties of laughter. So get out there and seek funny experiences that dissolve your fixations and celebrate your life’s crazy beauty. The healing that results could be spectacular.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Last year a group of wealthy Germans asked their government to require them to pay higher taxes. “We have more money than we need,” said the 44 multi-millionaires. They wanted to help alleviate the ravages of poverty and unemployment. I urge you to make a comparable move, Leo. In what part of your life do you have more abundance than most people? Are there practical ways you could express your gratitude for the extravagant blessings life has given you? I think you’ll find that raising your levels of generosity will ultimately lead to you receiving more love. (Here’s more on the story about rich Germans: tinyurl.com/RichHelp.)

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “I don’t know what I’m look-ing for,” sings Brendan Benson in his bouncy pop song, “What I’m Looking For,” “but I know that I just want to look some more.” I suspect those words could come out of your mouth these days, Virgo. I worry that you’ve be-come so enamored with the endless quest that you’ve lost sight of what the object of the quest is. You almost seem to prefer the glamour of the restless runaround—as painful as it sometimes is. That probably means you’re at least some-what out of touch with the evolution of your primal desires. Check back in with the raw, throbbing source, please.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When it’s flood season, the Amazon River rises as much as 60 feet. At that time, the adjoining forests earn their name—várzea, a Portuguese word meaning “flooded forests.” The river’s fish wander far and wide, venturing into the expanded territory to eat fruit from the trees. In the coming weeks, Libra, I imagine you’ll be like those fish: taking advantage of the opportunities provided by a natural windfall.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Provocative new influences are headed your way from a distance. Meanwhile, familiar influences that are close at hand are about to burst forth with fresh offerings. It’s likely that both the faraway and

nearby phenomena will arrive on the scene at around the same time and with a similar intensity. Try not to get into a situation where they will compete with or oppose each other. Your best bet will be to put them both into play in ways that allow them to complement each other.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Are you desperate for more companionship? Have your night dreams been crammed with soulful exchanges? Are you prowling around like a lusty panther, fantasizing about every candidate who’s even remotely appealing? If so, I have some advice from the poet Rumi: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” In other words, Sagittarius: To foster the search for intimate connection, identify the pat-terns within yourself that are interfering with it. By the way, this is good counsel even if you’re only moderately hungry for closer connection.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): If you live in the United States, your chocolate almost certainly contains insect parts. The Food and Drug Administration understands that the mechanisms involved in making chocolate usually suck small passers-by into the works, which is why it allows manufacturers to include up to 60 bug fragments per 100 grams of chocolate. A lot of basically positive influences have a similar principle at work: Unpalatable ingredients get mixed in with the tasty stuff, but not in such abundance that they taint the experience. This week, Capricorn, you may be unusually tuned in to the unpalatable side of some good things in your life. Don’t overreact.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I went to a literary event in which young poets read their work. One poet, Shelby Hinte, began her segment by talking about what inspires her. “I like to write about women who are more interesting than me,” she said. I was full of admiration for that per-spective. It suggests she’s cultivating the abundant curios-ity and humility that I think are essential to the creative process. As you slip deeper into an extra fertile phase of your personal cycle, Aquarius, I urge you to adopt a simi-lar voracity for influences that surprise and fascinate and educate you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic,” said science fiction writer Arthur C. Clarke. So in other words, if you were able to time-travel back to medieval England with a laptop computer and a solar-powered battery charger, the natives might regard you as a wizard with supernatural powers. I think there will soon be a similar principle at work in your life, Pisces: You will get a vivid glimpse of amaz-ing things you could accomplish in the future. They may seem fantastic and impossible to the person you are right now—tantamount to magic. Be alert for expanded states of awareness that reveal who you could ultimately become.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Today I received this email: “Dear Chosen One: My name is Boopsky, also known as ‘The Impossible.’ I rule a small kingdom that exists in a se-cret place—an island with abundant riches and rhinoceros playgrounds. To make a long story short, you have won our ‘naked’ lottery. Please come visit us to claim your prizes. We will carve a statue of you out of butter and strawberry jam. Your funny ways of walking and talking will be imitated by all of our citizens. Then you will be caressed as a mon-arch on a pile of TVs and sung songs to by our reincarna-tion chorus. Can’t wait to see you be so happy!” I suspect you may soon receive an invitation as puzzling as this one, Aries—an apparent blessing that carries mixed messages or odd undertones. My suggestion is to hold off on accepting it until you find out more about it. Meanwhile, make sure it doesn’t distract you from taking advantage of a less flashy but more practical opportunity.


Jonesin' Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0520.

Jonesin' Crossword — "Numb & Number"ENTERTAINMENT

Across1 “If I ___ nickel for every time...”5 Mine car9 Chemistry 101 models14 Off-base designation15 Othello’s enemy16 “Don’t Know Why” singer Jones17 “I mean, isn’t she worth, like, a ___ dollars?” (line from the pilot of “Will & Grace”)19 Rapper with the 2011 album “Detox”20 Like Keats’ poetic urn21 French Stewart’s response when asked to “write a number” in an SNL “Celebrity Jeop-ardy!” skit23 Snake variety24 Brand name yodeled in ads26 ___ Lingus (Irish airline)27 Rock’s ___ Speedwagon28 Opera set in Egypt30 Part of some Hogwarts classes

32 Go against34 More, in Mexico35 “Mazel ___!”36 With 38-across, number of geese it took to supply feathers for “Grandma’s Feather Bed”38 See 36-across40 Outburst popularized in the 1990s41 Rapper ___ Def42 Comedian Lampanelli45 Ancient area in mod-ern Bulgaria, Greece and Turkey48 Discard50 Tokyo’s country, in Olympics shorthand51 “___ Como Va” (San-tana song)52 Surname in a Tim Allen Christmas movie54 From Bangkok or Beijing56 Number of trombones in an Urbie Green title58 Granddaddy of fitness gurus Jack60 Make pig noises

61 “Imaginary” number in a game show skit on the BBC’s “That Mitchell and Webb Look”63 “Today” co-anchor Matt64 Reggae performer ___-Mouse65 ___-ball (arcade game)66 “The king,” in Cancun67 Like “haxored” and “pwn’d”68 Olive and family from “Popeye”Down1 Country legend Merle2 Scholarship recipient3 Went to slumberland4 She falls at the begin-ning of her story5 Tequila on TV6 Reason for saving7 Earlier than now8 March, but not walk9 Leader between Brezh-nev and Chernenko10 Shredded11 Trial

12 DC competitor, in the comic book world13 Thin window curtains18 Pre-euro currency22 Twinkie maker25 Small batteries29 Response to an invita-tion31 Stunt jumper Knievel33 Frank Oz character37 High science38 Appear to be39 Ballet great Vaslav41 ___ Dew (rebranded soft drink)43 Springer, e.g.44 Building wings45 Mess with someone’s hair46 Book near a pew47 Fix a bartending mistake49 Packet at a drive-thru53 Photographer Adams55 “OK, if you ___...”57 Peach or pecan59 Med. student’s study62 “___ Haw”


Dear Mexican, What happened to my friend? She is

white (Irish—her only aunt was a Catholic nun!), she grew up in Pico Rivera (so most people think she is Mexican with green eyes), she is converting to Judaism, and guess what? All she meets are Mexicans! And all she likes are Mexican men—in fact, the Mexican janitor at the temple she goes to asked for her number. When she first attended her temple, she called me, and guess what? She met Mexican men trying to find their Jewish roots. Now that she is becoming a Jew, she meets more Mexican men. What’s going on? Do I have to be-come Jewish to find a Mexican husband?— Her Friend Who Will Not Convert

Dear Wabette,Guess what? There are Mexican Jews!

Have been since the Conquest, which saw more than a few conversos (Jews who converted to the Catholic faith af-ter Ferdinand and Isabella banned Juda-ism and Islam from the Iberian peninsula in 1492 under penalty of death) come over to the New World and take out their existential angst on the indigenous. After that, they laid low for a couple of centuries, practicing their religious roots in privacy and as far away from pry-ing Catholic eyes as possible (a couple thousand conversos ended up in New Mexico, where some maintain Jew-ish practices to this day—take THAT, proponents of Hispano purity!).

This hidden history (and Muslims took the same path as their fellow Abrahamic brothers, although we call them Moris-cos) has sparked interest among some Mexicans to research their ancestry, which might be why your gal is all of a sudden getting such interest from hombres. Because whether we’re Jew or Muslim, Catholic or Mormon, nothing inflames a Mexican man’s heart like a cute, devout gabachita.

Dear Mexican,Some time ago, Cain Velasquez won the

Ultimate Fighting Championship heavy-weight title. Not long after, I heard a lot of people saying that his “Brown Pride” tattoo across his chest is racist, and that if any white person were to have a “White Pride” or “White Power” tattoo, everyone would be quick to label them a racist. What’s your take on this?— More Marvelous Ass-Kicking

Dear MMA,You hear this a lot from skinheads—

that Mexis proclaiming “Brown Pride” is just like them pushing white pride, so why is it OK for mestizos to be proud of

their race but not Whites? That twisted logic shows how pendejos those skins are.

The more accurate corollary to brown pride would be the Black Power or Yellow Power movements of the 1960s from which Brown Power emerged. That era saw historically oppressed mi-norities try to instill a sense of orgullo in themselves, try to deprogram centuries of gabacho thought and laws that main-tained minorities should be ashamed of who they are.

More importantly, though, brown pride in its most-common manifesta-tion hasn’t been used to preach race supremacy or to terrorize minorities ala the proponents of white pride. Can gabachos be proud of their roots? Damn straight— celebrate your mick or wop or honky ancestry, gabachos, but given that the definition of “white” continu-ously changes in this country (the Irish once weren’t; Mexis once were), anyone boasting of “White Pride” is as deluded as a, well, a skinhead.

GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK: Books like Huichol Territory and the Mexican Nation: Indigenous Ritual, Land Conflict, and Sovereignty by Paul M. Liff-man are welcome, necessary reminders that Indians in Mexico still must fight for respect, their ancestral lands, and the eradication of traditions. Liffman commits the academic sin of relying too much on the works of others to validate his points, but Huichol Territory never-theless stands as an important docu-ment of how fucked-up the Mexican government is—and how the Conquest continues. Well-written, too, and ency-clopedic.

Gustavo Arellano

Jews In Mexico? Who Knew?Ask A MexicanOPINION

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at [email protected], be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at www.you-tube.com/askamexicano!

“There are Mexican Jews! Have been since

the Conquest, which saw more than a few conversos come over

to the New World and take out their

existential angst on the indigenous.”


Jews In Mexico? Who Knew?Ask A Mexican

the pulse - vol. 8, issue 20

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