running the fast lane

8/9/2019 Running the Fast Lane

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RunningintoaCr ssroad

A Novice Runners

Struggle with Discernment


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The Promise

Holiday was over. I needed to get back in training.I looked out in the sky and smiled. It was a cloudy

day. Getting back to the stadium gave me a sense ofhomecoming. There were the usual morning runners

occupying the track. The air was cool and theoccasional blowing of the wind brought a refreshing

touch to my face. Wearing my new Nike+ zoomrunning shoes with the sensor tucked in my left

shoe, I hesitated before I switched on the podrunnerinterval. I had two podrunner programs in my i-pod:

the interval program and the fixed-beat program.The first contained music in alternating slow and

fast intervals whereas the second program hadmusic atfixed beats-per-minute (bpm). I realized

that I preferred the interval program more becauseof its varying pace. Though at times, I seek the

predictability of the fixed-beat program.My Running Mate soon joined me, wearing

His usual running attire of white tunic and Nikerunning shoes.He casually stepped in and remarked:

It suits your personality. Though you arethe type who likes stability and routine, you also get

easily restless and bored. The track provides youwith predictability and this allows your mind to

experience more adventure in thoughts. But there


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are occasions when your body seeks new sceneriesand sights. That happens when your thoughts

abandon your mind and you are left with boredom. Iknow you. I know the number of your hair, all your

neuroses and idiosyncrasies. Run more with Me and

you will discover more of you.I smiled at His remark. On and on we ranaround the track. I ended the run with a prayer:

Help me to carry my crosses daily but let it be thecross that you give me and not the crosses I make

for myself; for your yoke is easy and your burdenlight. May I go about my business doing things your

way, because your ways are not my ways. Yourways are higher than mine.

Then He uttered the following words whichleft me wondering.

I have plans for you, plans to prosper youand bless you, not harm you, because I have come

so that you may have life and have it abundantly.

CHAPTER 1


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My Word is like the snow and the rain that come

down from the sky to water the earth. They make thecrops grow and provide seed for planting and food

to eat. So also will be the Word that I speak --- it

will not fail to do what I plan for it; it will doeverything I send it to do.

-Isaiah 55:10-11

January 14, 2009, Wednesday

Metamorphoses

I TURNED THE SHOWER HANDLE andfelt the sting of the cold water on my skin.

Surprisingly, my body did not acknowledge thetemperature by shivering. I noticed this change

lately.In the Philippines, the weather rarely gets

this cool. But the past few weeks, the country had been experiencing dips in the thermostat ranging

from 14-21oC, quite unusual really for a temperatecountry.

My family lives in a townhouse which hasno provision for a water heater. The cold showers

are refreshingly welcome when the weather getsreally hot and humid. But on occasions when

typhoon hits the city, I would spend quite a

considerable amount of time looking at the showerhead, contemplating on whether I should take a bathor not. When I finally summon the courage to do so

and the cold water wraps me in its cruel embrace,Id hurriedly shampoo my hair and soap my body

amidst shivers and teeth chatters. Taking a bath


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becomes a real ordeal. That was before I startedrunning.

Subtle changes have occurred in me sinceDecember 2008. I could actually say I have

undergone another conversion of some sorts. Now,

my body seems to take this lashing from the coldshower with admirable tenacity.And for the first time after five years, I

celebrated Christmas without cough and sore throat.Since I started running in the middle of August

2008, my immune system has developed aremarkable resistance from the common cold and

flu.My spirit in turn has developed a kind of

shield, having slowly turned back to solitude.Things in my life became clearer, my goals, my

mission and my vision. The peace within is verytangible. It is as though the calmness and stillness is

so deep that no amount of external chaos candisturb it. But it is very fragile because I believe it is

pure grace that I am in such a condition. The proximity of my Running Mate is causing

thisgradual transformation.I started out the year with a firm resolve: 30-

30-30. I will give at least 30 minutes for running tostrengthen my body, allot 30 minutes each day for

reading to nourish my mind and devote 30 minutesevery day for prayer to vitalize my spirit.

After having read From Success toSignificance by Lloyd Reeb, I decided to cancel out

all activities that are superfluous and of low priorityand decided to keep those endeavors that contribute

directly to my mission. It felt like a kind of pruning.


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It was difficult but the grace of God is not wanting.He made things possible. When I found it difficult

to let go, He made things impossible for me to keepat it. Without the blessings to do the particular

work, there was no other way for me but to let go

and give it up since I was no longer productive in it.The Great Gardener is doing His job extremelywell.

Now that I have freed myself from the non-essential, I began to focus more on whats truly

essential. Then peace settled within. Now, I knowwhat He meant when He said, My peace I give to

you, not as the world gives it. It is a stillness that isdifficult to shake. Emotion cannot pierce it. Anger,

anxiety, worry and despair are alienated by it. Joy,happiness, gentleness, understanding and wisdom

spontaneously flow from it. One who beholds itwithin has a sense of detachment from everything

around. It is as though the spirit within is cocoonedin a soft embrace and protected from all cares in

these world. From such peace, the eyes are made tosee beyond the physical. It is now able to perceive.

The ears no longer listen using sound waves. It nowutilize the mind. It is a mystery yet it can be

understood. There is a heightened sense ofawareness just like the pre-dusk phenomenon.

Have you ever experienced thatphenomenon? It occurs every day, just before dusk.

It occurred at exactly 4:38 p.m. last Thursday,January 8, 2009. Its when the sky suddenly lights

up and all the colors around you become morevivid. Everything seems to take on a richer hue but

it does not last very long. It seems as though it is the


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suns way of bidding goodbye to that part of theearth before the moon takes over. You wish that

time would just freeze. But then as sudden as itappears, it dissolves without a warning. I fear that

such would also occur with the grace of peace. And

since I wanted to hold on to the grace, I willcontinue on doing the same things that broughtabout such peace, as though it was entirely due to

my own efforts that I have achieved such a state.But God can also be very obliging. He maintains the

status quo as long as the spirit cooperates. And it issuch a sweet grace because even traffic which used

to easily irritate me, now becomes a haven, anopportunity to think and write.

Such a state also brings about detachmentwhich is rather queer. It is kind of selective. The

emotion becomes deadened from negative events.The tolerance for the unsatisfactory and the

imperfect becomes higher. Drivers who blow theirhorns behind me no longer cause my blood to boil.

It is extremely amazing that I can say with utmostsincerity, Forgive him Lord, for he does not know

what he is doing. Bless him with more patience. Ihave tried this line before, but to no avail. I was

saying it between gritted teeth. Now, this is puregrace! It is not given to the deserving. It is simply

an unfathomable gift. To be very slow to anger andrich in compassion are traits that are not in my

nature. Therefore detachment of this sort is quitestrange to me.

On the other hand, the emotion is easilyuplifted by what is desirable. The threshold for

happiness is lowered and easily achieved. The spirit


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is easily satisfied. Joy is experienced even with thesimplest of things. Joy is even present amidst

adversity! Such is the kind of peace that is broughtabout by pure grace.

Another thing that such peace brought to me

is the sense of abandonment and trust that I feelwith regards my future. The future no longer has the power to bring me anxiety and worry.

Abandonment and trust made me live for the present, to choose to love in the present and to

choose living life to its fullness in the present.

Because my husband and I hope to find our newhouse in the subdivision where we occasionally run,

I have decided to spend more of my running time inthe said subdivision. It is a bit farther than the

stadium but it is private, secure with gates andguards.And inside the community, trees abound.

The old church is the center of the community, ahub where all roads meet. The park is located beside

it.Today, I parked my car across the clubhouse

and enjoyed the cool breeze and the rustling of theleaves above me.

I now live here. I belong here.These arewords that came out naturally from my mouth. It

was beyond doubt. The mantra accompanied me asI ran around the church and the park, passing by

little kids on swings and seesaws, maids taking thedogs for their walks, boys playing in the basketball

court, teens kicking the ball on the soccer field,occasional cars crawling by and senior citizens

going out for a walk.


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Six kilometers and 45 minutes after, Iwinded down. This was my easy week. I have

designed my training program for half-marathonand I am in the build-up phase. For this week, my

program just required me to cover 18km divided to

three days at a pace below my threshold.I loved this weather. Cool and cloudy. Butdesirable as it was, it was worrisome. This was an

unusual weather for Manila. In other parts of thecountry, an alarming number of unexpected

flashfloods were occurring. There was a growingsense of imbalance that was making Mother Earth

unstable. It seemed as though my small way ofcontributing to preserving Mother Earth may no

longer be enough. More drastic measures should bedone and implemented soon if we want to inhabit

this home called Earth much longer. I went homeand witnessed the same sentiments aired out on TV.

January 16, 2009, Friday

The Breaking In

Last Christmas, my husband bought me anew pair of running shoes. It had provision for the

Nike plus sensor inside the sole of the left pair. Ihave tried running with it early this year but got

blisters at the back of my ankle. I pricked theblisters to remove the fluid but left the skin behind

for protection. The next occasion that I wore it, Iapplied three band-aids on each ankle. However, I

found not only the band-aids peeled off after my runbut the skin that it was supposed to protect as well.

It was then that I decided I needed to purchase an


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ankle protector if I really wanted to succeed inbreaking in this pair of shoes. So, I had to switch

back to my old, comfortable Nike footwear until Iwas able to buy the ankle protectors.

Today, I took out the adhesive strips of the

ankle protector and carefully padded it on the backpart of the shoes. Slipping my feet inside was not aseasy. A lot of adjustments were made with the shoe

laces before I was finally satisfied with the feel ofmy new shoes.

I was back at the stadium. It was 4 oclockin the afternoon and I saw familiar faces of students

and a couple of runners training in the oval. Iprogrammed my Nike plus to 6km distance and the

music to 158 beats per minute. This was to be mysecond easy run for the week. I needed one more 6k

distance to complete this weeks program.But what started out to be an easy run

gradually evolved into a major challenge for mewhen I started to feel the heaviness and tightness of

my shoes. It was not supposed to feel this way,however, there was a sense of constriction at the

middle part of my feet. The kind of breaking in this pair needs is a lot of battering of some sorts, I

thought to myself. Then my mind wandered to theconversation which transpired earlier with our new

distributor in the business.Late last year, we have decided to take on

another sub-distributor for the business with ourhope of expanding our coverage for distributorship

of anesthesia products. Seeing the great market potential for our products, the new sub-distributor

pushed for exclusivity of the contract. At that time,


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I was also on the verge of burning out from all theresponsibilities and I just wanted to streamline my

role in the business. The move for exclusivityseemed convenient for me and I thought it would

also make the expansion easier. We signed the deal

too soon. That was one difficult lesson I learned: Never make a major decision like signing a dealwithout first praying and fasting over it. Queen

Esther fasted for three days before approaching theKing. Jesus prayed the whole night before choosing

His apostles.I simply shouted alleluia and signedthe deal.So much for all the talks about

discernment, now I am faced with sub-distributorswho do not share the mission of the company. We

are stuck with them for a year or so. This majorchange definitely required a whole lot of breaking

in one that may provide a lot of callous in theprocess.

At the end of my run, I looked inside thesocks and found no redness behind the ankle. At

least the ankle protector worked. I wondered whatkind of protectionwe needed for our business to

prevent us from getting hurt during this process ofbreaking in.

January 17, 2009, Saturday

The Hurricane

Indeed the peace and tranquility was short-lived. When I opened my email account, my eyes

was drawn to a mail coming from my recruiter inU.K. I hesitated but eventually found the courage to

open the email. My worst fear took form before my


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eyes. I was informed that we now have a schedulefor the consular interview for US immigrant visa.

After 4 long years, the unexpected has occurred. Isat there for a long-time, just staring at my

computer, not knowing how to react. Had I read this

message in 2005, I would have been jumping forjoy. But now, after all that has transpired these lastfew months, everything looked different. I was

dumbstruck. I felt darkness enveloping me andturmoil slowly building within. I was suddenly

thrown off-course. And all the while I thought theroad ahead was just that long, steep millionaire lane

that I envisioned. Now we are confronted with thecrossroad.

January 22, 2009, Thursday

Emerging from the Dust

From a runners point of view, I havecommitted a grievous sin. I have failed to stick to

my training program. But that was not my gravestoffense. My transgression came from the fact that I

missed the run not because I could not run, butbecause I didnot run. I had the opportunity but

lacked the will. It was way too easy to find a reasonnot to run: I woke up too late and the sun was

already up; the sky was dark and there was rainlooming ahead; I lacked sleep; all sorts of

multitudes of excuses. I have given in to sloth. Theexternal turmoil caused by the email I received last

week has disrupted everything, my routine my peace of mind. Discerning whether to accept the


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offer or not threw us into swings of desolation andconsolation.

Today, grace visited me. I suddenly had theurge to run. With grace came opportunity. My

husband invited me to run with him after our

afternoon surgery. So at exactly 4 oclock, we wereat the stadium. The sun was high but a blanket ofsmog was covering it. I started to warm up by

walking. My husband incited me to run instead andso I gave in and ran beside him. Big mistake. After

15 minutes, I was feeling very tired and wasdragging my feet already. I shooed my husband

away and he obliged in amusement.The past months should have taught me that

unlike other runners, I am like a car running ondiesel. It takes time before I warm up and only then

do I run easily. But the first few minutes should bespent in slow build up otherwise, I conk out. Of

course, the six days of laziness had also muddledmy mind. I had easily forgotten my constitution.

Now, I am busted. It was as though I was pickingmyself from pieces. I did not expect that the long

interval from my last run would result to such adisaster as this.

Amidst my struggle, my Running Matejoined me. He came as a breath of fresh air in this

very humid and suffocating environment. It was thefirst time that I experienced this kind of weather

since I started running in the stadium. The air wasso thick that it almost felt like it was plastered on

my face. It aggravated my running performance. Iwas back to square one.


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E xpect the same when you decide to comeback from the US. You think it is easy to start again,

it is not. You should be very well aware of this. I donot want you to be making a decision which is not

founded on reality. The start up in the US will just

be as difficult. Again, it is just as though you arepicking up from the pieces. Have that in mind, thenyou will be well armed.

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. I wantyou to see things in a clear light, to live in truth and

not in fantasy. I want you to know in no uncertainterms what to expect when you leave. This way you

will be better equipped. The life you will lead willbe a life of ascetism. You will learn to sacrifice a

lot, give up conveniences and comfort. Put thisbefore you and you will learn to bend the body and

discipline the will. Running is your training for thetest that shall come ahead. Dont think you just

stumbled upon running in a random way.Everything is part of the big design. I will protect

you. I will guide. I do not abandon my people. Youwill not be left alone. Know that in the greatest of

tests, I am nearest you. My grace will see youthrough. Do not be afraid. I shall be there with you

and for you.I knew then that I needed to spend more

time running so I can calm the storm within me.Failing to run these past few days just when I was

most in need of it was beyond comprehension. Thesoul who was in need of salvation refused to draw

near.Seek Me while I may be found. Call me

while I am near.


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Though my run was nothing to be proud of,the peace that settled afterwards was enough to

show me what I needed at this time of my life:clarity in my mind and peace in my heart. Only my

Running Mate can produce such results. I will have

to run even if I had to drag myself to do it. And Iwill continue to pray and keep still. I resolved tostick to my 30-30-30: thirty minutes of prayer,

thirty minutes of running and thirty minutes ofreading.

January 27, 2009, Tuesday

Stamina and Endurance

I stirred from my sleep. I slowly opened myeyes. It was still dark but my mind was already

wide awake. I decided to go out for a run instead.The air was cool. I turned on the i-pod and

selected the Week 4-to-10km program. I realizedthat I was really the type of person who needed to

have clear cut goals. The reason why I haddifficulty keeping up with my running schedule was

because I now did not have a program to follow.Last year, I had the 9-Weeks-to-5-km Program

which really got me going.One can run aimlessly and without a

purpose but I am just not that kind of person. So Idecided to do the Podrunner Interval program for

10-km instead.As I started to run, I saw a man standing on

the side of the oval track, his feet apart and bentwhile he did his pumping exercise. He looked

familiar. I knew then that he was the same man who


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sometimes held on to the iron rail and did his pullups in a queasy manner. He appeared like an

exhibitionist with his unusual exercises. But neverin the past did I see him run. He was just there,

always by the sides. It all looked for show to me.

Then I caught sight of a young teen-age girlin yellow shirt and black fitted shorts as she ran pastme, her ponytail swaying nonchalantly over her

shoulders. Her legs were firm and muscular. Isometimes see her training with other high school

kids during my afternoon runs. But she was allalone this morning. She was a strong runner, proud

and indifferent. She can really run fast in shortdistances.

Just then a thin, dark-complexioned manwearing a singlet and running shorts ran past her.

He must be in his 50s and was slightly built, hislegs lean, his torso and stomach flattened by years

of running.Whereas the young girl exuded stamina,he spelled endurance. I have seen this old man run

for hours in the stadium. He is no doubt amarathoner. The exhibitionist on the other hand was

just a screaming show-off. I was amused as Iobserved these three people. Whereas many runners

on the track looked half-runners/half-golfers, half-runners/half-eaters or even half-runners/half-

whiners, these three were hard core on being asprinter, a runner and a showmaster. Who can I

closely relate with? I would like to believe that I ama half-runner/half-writer. But right now,I needed to

run some more to do some soul-searching.Halfway through my run, Coach Jennys

voice interrupted the music and explained that the


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slow interval was meant for walking. But you donot just walk simply to enjoy the view. It was a

walk with a purpose. That was a surprisingrevelation. Today was filled with principles of

purpose. Shortly thereafter, my Running Mate

added His purposeful insight:Always keep your purpose before you. Thedecision to live in the US for a short while may not

be that easy but having your purpose clearly before you will make things easier. Do not get side

tracked. You need the stamina for the short-termsprint but endurance will see you through. Discard

the show-off in your vocabulary.

January 29, 2009

The Elements of Running

Once again, I woke up without the aid of an

alarm clock. It was 6:30 in the morning. I decided touse the new running shoes. My skin has healed and

my body was willing to take on the beating from thenew shoesagain.

As the soles of the pair of running shoespounded the ground, the feeling of constriction and

discomfort came back. But my body was adamant.Bring it on! My feet were admirably determined not

to buckle. However, when I sensed tiredness, Islowed down to allow myself to recover. I did not

wait long enough, knowing that I will just end updragging my feet. Once strengthened, I repeated the

motion. Then I heard my Running Mate:There are three elements that can work for

or against you --- your body, mind and spirit. When


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these three are greatly united, then you are in thebest disposition to run. But you will discover along

the way that there will come a time when only oneof these elements are at work. And still you will be

able to run. It can be that the body will clamor for

you to run. You will feel sluggish and you know youneeded to get back to the work out. It can also bethat the mind will urge you to go out to keep it sane.

Or the spirit will incite you to run, especially whenit is enveloped in darkness and needs to see the

light.Of the three, the body is the weakest. It can

easily succumb to weakness and injury. It adapts slowly and can easily break down. It is essentially

due to its feebleness that it can become a tyrant. Itcan impose on the mind and the spirit. The spirit is

willing but the flesh is weak.Now you will see thevalue of mortification. It is only when the body is

put under control and strict discipline will it be ableto perform well. And you will also see that when the

body gets accustomed to the training, it can workwell for you. Because then, it will demand for its

running dose. When strengthened, the body can alsobe your best ally. Therefore, you should not

disregard the weakest element in you because it canpush you or hold you back.

The mind on the other hand can work inconnivance with the body or the spirit. When you

feed it with good food, it can inspire the body andlift the spirit to produce good results. When you

keep it idle or occupied with vile things, then it willinfluence your body to its sinful tendencies. It can

be a very fertile culture media for whatever you


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plant in it. Take care what you allow to get intoyour mind. Keep it engaged in prayer and in worthy

reading materials because it can induce the body todo good or bad. The mind is closest to the body and

it can perceive the needs of the body well. The mind

can therefore exert control over the body. When themind senses that the body is beginning to weaken, itcan exert prudence and allow the body to rest and

recover. This way the body can be tamed. Becausewhen the mind refuses to listen to the body, then the

latter will emerge its tyrant head. The mind willrealize that not much can be done with an ailing,

disabled body.The spirit is the gentlest of all. Whereas the

body and the mind can impose, the spirit does not. Itresides in the innermost being of a person. It only

moves when invited. But when it is stirred, it canovercome all elements. It will incite the genius of

the mind and reveal the majestic potentials of thebody. It makes all things possible. However, the

spirit only rests in truth. It sits in darkness when fedwith lies by the mind or overcome by the

weaknesses of the body. Peace settles in the spiritwhen the mind and the body are attuned with the

truth of the universe. It can then bring both bodyand mind under its power. It pushes both body and

mind to what is good. When the body and mindheeds to the soft whispers of the spirit and all three

elements work as one, the soul is sanctified andsaved.

It is through this process that running forsome people, becomes a road to sanctity.


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CHAPTER 2

Not long afterward Jesus came from Nazareth inthe province of Galilee, and was baptized by John

in the Jordan. As soon as Jesus came up out of the

water, he saw heaven opening and the Spirit comingdown on him like a dove. And a voice came fromheaven. You are my own dear Son. I am pleased

with you. At once the Spirit made him go into thedesert where he stayed forty days, being tempted by

Satan. Wild animals were there also, but angelscame and helped him.

- Mark 1:9-12March 13, 2009

TWO WEEKS HAVE GONE BY and Ihave not made any effort to go to out and run. There

was always an excuse for me. In the end, I had toadmit to myself that I just lost the enthusiasm.

Then suddenly this morning, as I looked outof the window and noticed the cloudy sky even at

half past eight, something stirred inside me. Therewas a small voice clamoring for me to head to the

stadium. But as what has been happening these pasttwo weeks, my predictable response was to ignore

that voice and headed to my laptop. But instead of

checking my emails as always been the case, Iopened my unfinished writing and read the lastentry. The stirring inside of me grew stronger. Once

more, I looked out of the window. The cloudy skywas beckoning me. So, I closed my laptop and


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changed into my running wear. I knew then that myRunning Mate was waiting for me in the stadium.

As soon as I parked, I got out of the car.There was no usual ceremony of putting on my

armband with the i-pod on it and choosing music

from the playlist. I intentionally left it at home.Inserting the car keys on my right shoe pocket, Iheaded to the track. There was only one runner

wearing a cowboy hat who was occupying the outertrack. The inner track was occupied by six student

athletes with their coach.I started to walk and breathed in the warm,

humid air. The sun was just peeking from the cloudsand was barely emanating its heat. There was a soft

breeze and I smiled. I was glad I came and myRunning Mate was glad too.

The past three months had been crazy forme. It was still that email that I received last

January 17 that threw me off course. It was that oneemail which hurled down a cascade of unexpected

events which left me and my husband reeling.Before that day, everything was already predictable

for us. We were already scouting for a new house tobuy, having accepted the fact that the US immigrant

petition which was filed in December 2004 will nolonger come into fruition.

BACK IN 2002, when I was still an

anesthesia resident in training, a lot ofanesthesiologists were taking up nursing hoping to

leave the country and work as nurses abroad. Therewere numerous reasons for the exodus. Most of

them however just wanted security for themselves


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and their family. The economic situation in thecountry was very unstable. Many people were

losing hope and just wanted to look for greener pastures. I was at that time, just joining the

bandwagon. A consultant gave me an application

form to take the CGFNS exam (Commission onGraduates of Foreign Nursing School). It was amental challenge for me and so I took it and passed

with flying colors. Then the idea of migratingexcited me. Living in a foreign country with

numerous options to choose from was an attractivethought. So I began to pursue the dream. I went

through the process of applying for a visa screencertificate, looked for a recruiter who would not

charge me for the process, and finally at the end ofmy residency training year in 2004, took the

NCLEX-RN (National Council LicensureExamination for Registered Nurses) while I was in

the United States attending the anesthesiaconvention in Las Vegas, Nevada. After a week,

while visiting my sister in San Diego, California Iwas informed that I passed the exam. Then as

though by coincidence (though I dont personallybelieve in coincidence since everything for me is a

piece that fits into a puzzle), my recruiter in theUnited Kingdom gave me a call informing me that I

she got me an interview with a dialysis center inSan Diego. How convenient is that?! So my sister

drove me to this place and I sat for the interview. Assoon as I got home to the Philippines, I received the

job offer from the dialysis center. On March 2005,my employer filed for an immigrant petition on my

behalf with the USCIS (United States Citizenship


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and Immigration Services). After 7 months, I gotanother notice specifying that the petition for the

green card for me and my family was approved andthat my case was already forwarded to the

Department of State National Visa Center. Series of

documents were forwarded to me to be filled up andand other requirements submitted. Then there wasonly one thing needed in order to complete the visa

processing --- the Consular Interview.At that time, in October of 2005, I was just

in my first year of anesthesia practice and takingcare of another baby, my 2-month old daughter. My

husband and I felt we were not really prepared tomake this move yet. And so I prayed incessantly,

that the process be delayed until my seconddaughter is old enough to go to school. That wish

seemed to be an impossible thing to ask for at thattime because I have heard of many nurses having

their final immigration processes completed in justa month or two and leaving the country in no time

at all. But heaven was on my side. Retrogressionensued and there were no available visa numbers for

consular interview which dragged my petition tomonths and then years.

And so life moved on for us. We practicedin our respective medical fields. My younger

daughter attended nursery class last year. Andhaving forgotten about that prayer I made four years

ago, I thought that the course of our lives hadalready changed. My visa screen certificate was

expiring and my husband and I abandoned the ideaof migrating to the US and started looking for a

house to buy. Weve been renting our house since


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2005, unable to move because of the uncertainty ofour future. At the last quarter of 2008, my husband

and I began to grow restless and dissatisfied. Wefelt weve been held in a standstill for quite a while

now and we wanted to move on. And we decided

that by April 2009 we will no longer renew ourcontract of lease. We will move out of this rentalplace to our new home. Little did we know that the

restlessness and dissatisfaction were not only withthe house that we were currently occupying, but

also with the work that we were doing and the lifethat we were living. That email of January 17

succeeded in disorienting and orienting us onceagain.

My Running Mate was following my line ofthought and remarked, A lot of people do not like

change. They do not easily embrace it. It is difficultto accept changes in your life because it throws you

to the unknown. Other people in your life will also find it difficult to accept the changes occurring

because it will also affect them.Then the vision of the desert flashed in my

mind and I was struck by what it revealed.So thats the reason why you were lead into

the desert by the Spirit because You also knewthat the people who have known You all their lives

will not easily accept Your change of career!Theyve known you as a carpenter for 30 years and

then suddenly You have to answer to that call deepwithin You which was manifested externally when

John the Baptist baptized you. It must have beendifficult for You as well to make such changes


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thus the temptations thrown on You by the devil inthe desert.

He smiled in agreement. I ran faster as thevision of the desert kept coming back in my mind

and the question emerged,Is that also the reason

why we had to leave?I did not look at Him nor did I wait for Himto answer that question. Somehow, pieces of the

puzzle just seem to fall into place.I continued to run, immersed in the image of

the desert. Then I remembered the books that I justrecently finished, two books written by Paulo

Coelho, The Pilgrimage and The Alcheimist.I receive most answers to my lifes questions from

my readings, if not from the scripture, then from theordinary books that I read.

These two books seemed to havemagnetized me as soon as I laid eyes on them while

I was browsing inside a bookstore. Reading these books made me reflect back and trace my

experience of being blown by an unknown forceinto the realm of uncertainty these past two months.

These books brought back the power of the spiritualworld into my consciousness. I looked around me. I

saw the trees looking down at me. Now theyseemed more alive. I looked up and greeted one tree

in silence, Hello, brother tree. He looked back andsaid hello. Then the birds perched on the roof of the

stadium began to chirp noisily, as if they wereexcited that a human has finally acknowledged her

ability to talk with nature. I looked up at the sunslowly peeking out of the clouds. Hi, sister

sun.Please continue to hide in the clouds. I dont


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think I can bear your heat just yet. However,instead of conceding to my request, her head peeped

out as though surprised that I should address her. SoI addressed the clouds instead, Brother cloud,

please dont allow her to burn me. The clouds

smiled and happily covered the sun. It was funtalking to them and seeing them respond. Hi, sisterwind. I love your breeze. And she kissed me,

giving my cheeks a cool respite.

EPILOGUE

There was once a woman who sailed in aboat with her husband and two children. They were

unusual and ambitious fisherfolks. They did notwant to follow what other fisherfolks do--- sail off

everyday, catch fish, go home, sell the fishes andsail off again the next day. When they started off to

sea, they dreamt of catching lots and lots of fish.They dreamt of catching young fish to grow, mate

and produceoffsprings. They dreamtof catchingmature ones and freeze-dry for months so that

when they bring these home they do not have to sail

off again the next day to catch fish because then,theyd have enough to last them a lifetime.However, as they sailed off tosea, they learned that

they needed to go farther in order to get the goodcatch. They also learned that when the sea

providedthem with abundance of catch, on the way


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back, the sea would also deprive them of suchsustenance so that in the end, what they have

gathered, they have also consumed. Such was thecase that theyd have to sail off to deeper seas again

to build up their storage but on their return, their

produce was not enough for the life that theywanted to live when they dock. So for years, theysailed and never got to shore but they never lived in

grave scarcity.Sometimes, a storm would hit their boat but

there was always that Man in white tunic whowould come and visit them and order the storm to

calm down, just when they were about to capsize.They trusted the Man and He was always reliable.

He comes just when they needed Him the most. Onother occasions, He would just sit with them and

share meals with them. He was always there.One day, as they were sailing, the man and

the woman looked at the horizon and realized thatthey are going nowhere. Theyve been sailing for

four years and still have not realized their dream.They have grown tired of the sea and of fishing. But

they did not want to go back to the shore and be likethe other fisherfolks who would have to sail off to

sea again the next day, and the next day and thenext day. The man realized that before he became a

fisherman, he loved to take pictures. The womanrealized that before she became the wife of a

fisherman, she loved to write. So, they decided thatwhile they were at sea, they will do what they loved

to do. The fisherman took pictures of the sunset, ofthe clear blue sky, of the angry waves, of smiling

dolphins and looming sharks. Once more, he loved


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the sea. The woman started to write poems of saltand rain, of her daughters dancing as they sing, and

of all the wondrous creatures swimming beneath the boat. And once more, she loved the sea. Theyd

catch the fish and bear the smell which they have

learned to dislike in order to keep on sailing in thesea.Then one night, while they were sleeping

peacefully, happy with their newfound adventure,their boat tipped. It was a trick of nature because it

only managed to throw the man and the womanoverboard. The children remained onboard holding

tightly on the ropes of the sail as the boat emergedfrom the waves. The woman was not a good

swimmer. She started to panic. The man grabbedher hair and pulled her up. But just as she emerged

from the water, she slowly began to sink again. Indespair, she grabbed the man and pushed him down,

using him as leverage to keep herself afloat. Theman swam away from her. As soon as he freed

himself from her grasp, he once more grabbed herhair and ordered her to keep still. She did. And they

both floated on the calm water.The children were watching them from the

boat. The man slowly swam towards the boat withhis hand holding the womans hair as she floated in

tow. He swam and swam but they did not seem togo nearer the boat. The boat continued to be carried

by the wind. The more he swam, the more thiscreated a current that seemed to push the boat away.

One of their children threw a rope and the mangrabbed the rope. But when he began pulling on the

rope, the boat started to wobble. The children


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screamed in terror. They both do not know how toswim either. And so the man ceased from pulling on

the rope and simply held onto it, allowing the boatto bring them back to wherever it willed.

Then the man and the woman noticed that

the boat was heading towards an island. The manlooked at the island. There were huge ships dockedon shore. There were many men in black shirt

holding huge logs. They looked like pirates. Theman and the woman looked at each other with fear

in their eyes. What will happen to the children?What if these men will harm all of them? Then they

saw a white figure amidst the men. It was theirfriend in white tunic! He was there holding the

biggest log of all which kept all the other logs fromfalling. They were building something. Surely with

Him, they will not be harmed.He waved at them, inviting them

onshore.However, just as they started to dock, astrong wind caught their sail and started to blow

them off shore again. The man and the woman heldon to the rope as the children started to scream.

They were being blown away from the island. Theman in white tunic continued to wave His hand

urging them back. The man and woman then knewthat they have to do something if they wanted to

dock to the island. So the man pulled the womantowards the boat. As she held on to the boat, he

swam and started pushing the boat back to shore.The woman kicked as mightily as she can while

holding on to the plank, managing to steer the boatto shore. They have no idea what this island will

bring them. What they know is that their friend in


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white tunic is standing there, welcoming them. Andso as they helped their children climb off the boat,

they walked to the shore, leaving behind the boatand all their stuff. They were fisherfolks no more.

running the fast lane

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