positive parenting 4-2-11 iar[1] (1)

7/25/2019 Positive Parenting 4-2-11 IAR[1] (1)

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Positive ParentingPositive Parenting

4/2/104/2/10

Hasan A. Baloch, M.D.Hasan A. Baloch, M.D.


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According to a May 1995 articleAccording to a May 1995 article

in cienti!ic A"ericanin cienti!ic A"erican "The best"The best

intervention and prevention ofintervention and prevention of

delinquent and antisocialdelinquent and antisocial

behavior in children is thebehavior in children is theparent's involvement in a parentparent's involvement in a parent

education program that teacheseducation program that teachesmore consistent, less coercivemore consistent, less coercive

discipline techniquesdiscipline techniques


3/28

#lti"ately the "ost $o%er!&l "ethod o!#lti"ately the "ost $o%er!&l "ethod o!

in!l&encing o&r children's (ehavior is o&rin!l&encing o&r children's (ehavior is o&r

relationshi$ %ith the".relationshi$ %ith the".

)o& are yo&r child's (est teacher.)o& are yo&r child's (est teacher.


4/28

*+ a" $ers&aded that violent !athers

$rod&ce violent sons. + a" satis!ied thats&ch $&nish"ent in "ost instances does

"ore da"age than good. hildren don't

need (eating. -hey need love and

enco&rage"ent. -hey need !athers to

%ho" they can loo %ith res$ect rather

than !ear. A(ove all, they need

ea"$le.


5/28

-he Pro$het's a"$le-he Pro$het's a"$le

-he Pro$het $eace (e &$on hi"3 said, He is not o! &s %ho does-he Pro$het $eace (e &$on hi"3 said, He is not o! &s %ho doesnot have "ercy on yo&ng children, nor honor the elderly ollectednot have "ercy on yo&ng children, nor honor the elderly ollected(y Al-ir"idhi(y Al-ir"idhi

+ $rayed along %ith Allah6s Messenger $eace (e &$on hi"3 the !irst+ $rayed along %ith Allah6s Messenger $eace (e &$on hi"3 the !irst$rayer. He then %ent to his !a"ily and + also %ent along %ith hi"$rayer. He then %ent to his !a"ily and + also %ent along %ith hi"

%hen he "et so"e children on the %ay3. He (egan to $at the%hen he "et so"e children on the %ay3. He (egan to $at thechees o! each one o! the". He also $atted "y chee and +chees o! each one o! the". He also $atted "y chee and +e$erienced a coolness or a !ragrance o! his hand as i! it had (eene$erienced a coolness or a !ragrance o! his hand as i! it had (een(ro&ght o&t !ro" the scent (ag o! a $er!&"er. ahih M&sli" Hadith(ro&ght o&t !ro" the scent (ag o! a $er!&"er. ahih M&sli" Hadith57585758

+ served the Pro$het sallallaah& 6alaihi %asalla"3 !or ten years, and+ served the Pro$het sallallaah& 6alaihi %asalla"3 !or ten years, andhe never said to "e, #! a "inor harsh %ord denoting i"$atience3he never said to "e, #! a "inor harsh %ord denoting i"$atience3and never (la"ed "e (y saying, hy did yo& do so or %hy didn6tand never (la"ed "e (y saying, hy did yo& do so or %hy didn6tyo& do so:* ; Anas descri(ing his childhood, ahih AlB&hariyo& do so:* ; Anas descri(ing his childhood, ahih AlB&hari


6/28

-he Pro$het's a"$le cont.3-he Pro$het's a"$le cont.3

Allah's Messenger issed AlHasan i(n ear Allah and treat yo&r children ?s"all or gro%n@ !airly %ith e=&al&stice3. AlB&hari and M&sli"3&stice3. AlB&hari and M&sli"3

o""and yo&r children to $ray %hen they reach the age o! seven and hito""and yo&r children to $ray %hen they reach the age o! seven and hitthe" i! they leave it o!! %hen they reach the age o! ten and se$arate the"the" i! they leave it o!! %hen they reach the age o! ten and se$arate the"!ro" each other in the (eds.* AlB&hari3!ro" each other in the (eds.* AlB&hari3


7/28

hy ids Mis(ehavehy ids Mis(ehave

M+BHAC+E

hild >a"ily tressParent


8/28

hild >actorshild >actors

-e"$era"ent ; Eeactivity to sti"&li,-e"$era"ent ; Eeactivity to sti"&li,

Attention $an, A(nor"al lee$ PatternAttention $an, A(nor"al lee$ Pattern

Physical ; Motor coordination, strength,Physical ; Motor coordination, strength,sta"ina, a$$earancesta"ina, a$$earance

Develo$"ent ; +"$aired lang&age,Develo$"ent ; +"$aired lang&age,

delayed s$eech, lo% +F., $oor social sillsdelayed s$eech, lo% +F., $oor social sills


9/28

Parent >actorsParent >actors

-e"$era"ent ; asily angered vs.-e"$era"ent ; asily angered vs.

eternally $atient, Eeacts to everything vs.eternally $atient, Eeacts to everything vs.

nonreactivenonreactive

"otional $ro(le"s ; Parental de$ression"otional $ro(le"s ; Parental de$ression

i"$airs the a(ility to ade=&ately $arent thei"$airs the a(ility to ade=&ately $arent the

childrenchildren


10/28

>a"ily tress>a"ily tress

Marital DiscordMarital Discord

>inancial -ro&(les>inancial -ro&(les

-ense relations %ith relatives-ense relations %ith relativesDeath in the !a"ilyDeath in the !a"ily

hronic illness in the !a"ilyhronic illness in the !a"ily


11/28

Paying AttentionPaying Attention

Best Boss vs. orst BossBest Boss vs. orst Boss

hildren lie Ad&lts res$ond to attentionhildren lie Ad&lts res$ond to attention

-hey don't care %hat ty$e o! attention-hey don't care %hat ty$e o! attentionnegative or $ositive3negative or $ositive3

Develo$ a ro&tine !or $ositive attentionDevelo$ a ro&tine !or $ositive attention

s$ecial ti"e !or each child G 15 "in.s$ecial ti"e !or each child G 15 "in.daily3daily3


12/28

Praising o"$liancePraising o"$liance

**catch yo&r child (eing goodcatch yo&r child (eing good

hildren lie ad&lts res$ond to $raisehildren lie ad&lts res$ond to $raise

$eci!ic $raise is ideal to sha$e (ehavior$eci!ic $raise is ideal to sha$e (ehavior *+ lie it %hen yo& do as + say *+ lie it %hen yo& do as + say

*Mo" really lies it %hen yo& $ic &$ *Mo" really lies it %hen yo& $ic &$

yo&r toysyo&r toys


13/28

Iive !!ective o""andsIive !!ective o""ands

Mean %hat yo& co""andMean %hat yo& co""andPresent it as a direct state"ent , J- as a !avorPresent it as a direct state"ent , J- as a !avor

>ir" (&t not negative voice>ir" (&t not negative voice

i"$le co""ands rather than "&lti$lei"$le co""ands rather than "&lti$le

Iive ade=&ate ti"e !or co"$letion o! 1Iive ade=&ate ti"e !or co"$letion o! 1ststco""and (e!oreco""and (e!ore

22ndnd..Mae ye ontact %ith yo&r child yelling across theMae ye ontact %ith yo&r child yelling across theroo" less liely to %or3roo" less liely to %or3

Eed&ce distracters !ro" the environ"ent -C, stereo,Eed&ce distracters !ro" the environ"ent -C, stereo,$laystation etc.3$laystation etc.3

Have yo&r child re$eat the co""and (ac %henHave yo&r child re$eat the co""and (ac %hennecessarynecessary

onsider *hore ards !or etensive tass lie cleaningonsider *hore ards !or etensive tass lie cleaninga (edroo"a (edroo"


14/28

#sing -i"e&t#sing -i"e&t

Iive a co""andIive a co""and

o&nt lo&dly (ac%ard !ro" 5 &se only !or ao&nt lo&dly (ac%ard !ro" 5 &se only !or a

!e% initial %ees o! &sing this "ethod3!e% initial %ees o! &sing this "ethod3

+! child has not co"$lied, iss&e a %arning+! child has not co"$lied, iss&e a %arning

arning "ethod ; eye contact, raise voice toarning "ethod ; eye contact, raise voice to

lo&der than nor"al not yelling3, ado$t a !ir"erlo&der than nor"al not yelling3, ado$t a !ir"er

$ost&re, and say *+! yo& don't do as + say, then$ost&re, and say *+! yo& don't do as + say, thenyo& are going to sit in that chairyo& are going to sit in that chair


15/28

#sing -i"e&t contin&ed3#sing -i"e&t contin&ed3

A!ter the %arning, co&nt do%n !ro" 5A!ter the %arning, co&nt do%n !ro" 5

again.again.

+! still no co"$liance ; *)o& did not do as ++! still no co"$liance ; *)o& did not do as +

sayK no% yo& are going to the chairsayK no% yo& are going to the chair

scort the child (y the &$$er ar" or %ristscort the child (y the &$$er ar" or %rist

and $lace the" !ir"ly in the chair and sayand $lace the" !ir"ly in the chair and say

*)o& stay there &ntil + say yo& can get &$*)o& stay there &ntil + say yo& can get &$


16/28

#sing -i"e&t cont.3#sing -i"e&t cont.3

hair sho&ld (e a straight (ac dinettehair sho&ld (e a straight (ac dinette

chair, $laced in the !oyer, dining roo",chair, $laced in the !oyer, dining roo",

itchen, or "iddle o! the hall%ayitchen, or "iddle o! the hall%ay

Place it a%ay !ro" the %all and a%ay !ro"Place it a%ay !ro" the %all and a%ay !ro"

things the child co&ld reachthings the child co&ld reach


17/28

Ho% long:Ho% long:

12 "in&tes $er year o! the child's age12 "in&tes $er year o! the child's age

4 year old L 4 "in&tes 4 year old L 4 "in&tes

nce the ti"e has ela$sed, they "&st (ence the ti"e has ela$sed, they "&st (e=&iet !or a !e% "o"ents=&iet !or a !e% "o"ents

A!ter the ti"eo&t they sho&ld do %hatA!ter the ti"eo&t they sho&ld do %hat

they %ere originally told to do or agree notthey %ere originally told to do or agree notto do the negative (ehavior they didto do the negative (ehavior they did


18/28

-i"e&tcont..3-i"e&tcont..3

hen the child is in the chair there is nohen the child is in the chair there is no

disc&ssion or arg&"ent %ith the childdisc&ssion or arg&"ent %ith the child

i(lings and the other s$o&se are not toi(lings and the other s$o&se are not to

s$ea to that child d&ring the ti"eo&ts$ea to that child d&ring the ti"eo&t

nce the child co"$lies %ith thence the child co"$lies %ith the

co""and the $arent sho&ld tell the child *+co""and the $arent sho&ld tell the child *+

lie it %hen yo& do as + saylie it %hen yo& do as + say


19/28


ertain ti"es yo& do not need the %arningertain ti"es yo& do not need the %arning

$eriod ; Ciolation o! ho&sehold r&les$eriod ; Ciolation o! ho&sehold r&les

lying, hitting, c&rsing, etc3 , lying, hitting, c&rsing, etc3 ,

o"$le tass lie cleaning the (edroo"o"$le tass lie cleaning the (edroo"

; yo& can give the %arning and co""and; yo& can give the %arning and co""and

at the sa"e ti"eat the sa"e ti"e


20/28


hat i! the child leaves the chair:hat i! the child leaves the chair:

Eet&rn the child to the chair and give JEet&rn the child to the chair and give J%arning *+! yo& leave the chair again yo& %ill%arning *+! yo& leave the chair again yo& %ill

have to go to yo&r roo"have to go to yo&r roo"+! this is necessary the (edroo" sho&ld (e+! this is necessary the (edroo" sho&ld (ee"$tied o! any enoya(le activities s&ch as -C,e"$tied o! any enoya(le activities s&ch as -C,ga"es, $laystation, etc..ga"es, $laystation, etc..

Alternatives co&ld (e loss o! larger things s&chAlternatives co&ld (e loss o! larger things s&chas going over to the !riend's ho&se this %ee,as going over to the !riend's ho&se this %ee,%atching -C, etc..%atching -C, etc..


21/28

hild Ployshild Ploys

+ need to go to the (athroo"+ need to go to the (athroo"

+ a" sic+ a" sic

+ a" h&ngry+ a" h&ngryAtte"$ts to roc or ti$ over the chairAtte"$ts to roc or ti$ over the chair

lai"s he %ill not love yo& any"orelai"s he %ill not love yo& any"ore


22/28

Parental MistaesParental Mistaes

Jot i"$le"enting ti"eo&t &ntil veryJot i"$le"enting ti"eo&t &ntil veryangry, a!ter having said the co""and overangry, a!ter having said the co""and overand over againand over again

Netting the child control the ti"eNetting the child control the ti"e

tandard ti"e !or every in!raction andtandard ti"e !or every in!raction andevery ageevery age

Allo% the child to (arter o&t o! ti"eo&t orAllo% the child to (arter o&t o! ti"eo&t oragree to !ollo% directions once he is (eingagree to !ollo% directions once he is (eingtaen to ti"eo&ttaen to ti"eo&t


23/28

&""ary&""ary

Parenting is a co"$licated $rocess (&tParenting is a co"$licated $rocess (&t

(asically involves teaching and develo$ing(asically involves teaching and develo$ing

a relationshi$a relationshi$

hildren learn !ro" ver(al and nonver(alhildren learn !ro" ver(al and nonver(al

teaching ; Also !ro" %hat they are andteaching ; Also !ro" %hat they are and

are not e$osed to e$eriences3are not e$osed to e$eriences3

Do yo&r (est %ith %hat is &nder yo&rDo yo&r (est %ith %hat is &nder yo&r

controlcontrol


24/28

-eenagers-eenagers

Peer gro&$s (eco"e "ore i"$ortantPeer gro&$s (eco"e "ore i"$ortant

Most children do not re(el or act &$ inMost children do not re(el or act &$ in

teenage yearsteenage years

Most o! the" choose $eer gro&$s si"ilarMost o! the" choose $eer gro&$s si"ilar

to their !a"iliesto their !a"ilies

+dentity Develo$"ent is one ey tas that+dentity Develo$"ent is one ey tas thatids this age are engaged in.ids this age are engaged in.


25/28

Peer Iro&$s and EeligionPeer Iro&$s and Eeligion

+ndonesian st&dy, ea"ining children age 1O15.+ndonesian st&dy, ea"ining children age 1O15.

hanges in religiosity !ro" year one to t%o %erehanges in religiosity !ro" year one to t%o %ere

associated %ith !riends6 religiosity s&ch thatassociated %ith !riends6 religiosity s&ch that

adolescents %ith religio&s !riends %ere "oreadolescents %ith religio&s !riends %ere "orereligio&s at year t%o than those %ith lessreligio&s at year t%o than those %ith less

religio&s !riends.religio&s !riends.

Eed&ctions in religiosity %ere also associatedEed&ctions in religiosity %ere also associated

%ith the $resence o! $ro(le" (ehavior.%ith the $resence o! $ro(le" (ehavior.


26/28

>a"ilies and e&ality>a"ilies and e&ality

ohesive !a"ily environ"ents and $ositive $eerohesive !a"ily environ"ents and $ositive $eer

net%ors contri(&te to red&ced levels o! risynet%ors contri(&te to red&ced levels o! risy

se&al (ehavior a"ong adolescents !ro"se&al (ehavior a"ong adolescents !ro"

religio&s !a"ilies.religio&s !a"ilies.Parents %ho "onitor their children6s activitiesParents %ho "onitor their children6s activities

and $eer environ"ents, engage their !a"ilies inand $eer environ"ents, engage their !a"ilies in

reg&lar activities and !oster strong $arentchildreg&lar activities and !oster strong $arentchild

relationshi$s can hel$ red&ce risy se&alrelationshi$s can hel$ red&ce risy se&al(ehavior.(ehavior.


27/28

-eenagers and Dr&gs-eenagers and Dr&gs

Eiss ; >riends %ho &se dr&gs, IirlsEiss ; >riends %ho &se dr&gs, Iirls

having "ale !riends, high a"o&nts o!having "ale !riends, high a"o&nts o!

&ns&$ervised ti"e, !a"ily con!lict, lo%&ns&$ervised ti"e, !a"ily con!lict, lo%

levels o! !a"ily involve"ent, "ale genderlevels o! !a"ily involve"ent, "ale gender

Protective ; trong $arentchildProtective ; trong $arentchild

attach"ent, Parent disa$$roval o! dr&gattach"ent, Parent disa$$roval o! dr&g

&se, >riends that don't &se dr&gs.&se, >riends that don't &se dr&gs.


28/28

hat to do i! (ad thingshat to do i! (ad things

ha$$en:ha$$en:

+ncrease co""&nication, tal a(o&t the+ncrease co""&nication, tal a(o&t the

$ro(le"$ro(le"

+ncrease s&$ervision ; dr&g testing, roo"+ncrease s&$ervision ; dr&g testing, roo"

searches, no cell $hone, li"iting internet,searches, no cell $hone, li"iting internet,

etcetc

hange the environ"ent ; "ove, ne%hange the environ"ent ; "ove, ne%

school, change a!ter school activities.school, change a!ter school activities.

positive parenting 4-2-11 iar[1] (1)

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