POSITIVE PARENTING

WPA 2014 Madrid, Spain

PERSPECTIVES AND PRINCIPLES OF PARENTING WITH INDIAN EMPHASIS

Devashish Konar MD Consultant Psychiatrist Mental Health Care Centre, Kolkata, India

DISCLOSURE

I don’t have any financial disclosures to make.

Literature whenever quoted source has been mentioned.

AIM OF PRESENTATION

I am not here to praise Indian parenting. Rather, my job will be to critically appraise you of the emerging Indian scenario in parenting with urbanization, changed financial status and globalization.

THE VARIED CULTURAL LANDSCAPE THAT IS INDIA

• The cliché that India lives in several centuries at the same time is true. Equally true is the other cliché that whatever statement you make about India, the opposite is also true.• So it is a country with varied presentations.

Gitanjali Prasad 2006

FAMILY IS PERVASIVE

• The family is the first line of defense, especially for children and a major factor in their survival, health, education, development and protection. • It is also a major source of nurturance,

emotional bonding and socialization, and a link between continuity and change.

Sonawat 2001

FAMILY AS FIRST SCHOOL

Children learn key life issues in the family, at the dinning table, before bed, during playtime, in the kitchen, during a family crisis. These are rich moments in which our children acquire and sharpen their emotional intelligence and acquire spiritual soundness.

Gouri Dange 2008

ATTACHMENT PARENTING

• Many of the behavior which are suggested for attachment parenting like breast feeding on cue, prolonged breast feeding, enough body contact, baby-carrying or “baby-wearing”, co-sleeping and sensitive responsive parenting come naturally to many Indian parents.

• Infant-directed speech and mind-minded parenting may promote secure attachments.

• Findings underscore the importance of early development promotion with parents, focusing on their talking, playing, and reading with children , and the need for interventions regarding psychosocial risk factors.

• “Difficult” temperament children may turn into particularly well-adjusted kids if they receive warm, sensitive parenting.

• In many cases I rather feel that they are in overdose in Indian families, and may be, you need to control that.

Dewar 2014

THREE SALIENT ASIAN FEATURES IN CASE OF DIASPORA

• Family as centre• Control and strictness• Importance placed on educational achievement

Ruth Chao & VIvian Tseng 2002

HOME IS WHERE WE GO WHEN WE RUN OUT OF PLACE TO GO TO

• The families in India is their social security.• So it should be worth our while to see how it

is faring in these tumultuous times. • There is bias towards West in the Indian

Urban Middle Class.• Indian society is not really aware of how

emotive and controversial the family is in today’s Western Societies.

COPYING BLINDLY MAY HURT Gitanjali Prasad 2006

DISCIPLINE

• Discipline is not just punishment, it is a process. You can’t afford to be harsh.• Focus your attention on the positive aspects

of children’s behaviour to build healthy self esteem in them.• Be strict but positive• Successful parents and their children are

partners in discipline.

Shalini Mitra 2005

WHOLE LOT OF STRESS ON ACADEMICS YET NOT SO PRODUCTIVE

• Less stress on participatory model• Lack of creativity in learning and teaching• Out of box thinking not encouraged• Innovation occupies back bench

DEPENDENCY IN INDIA ACCEPTED, DEPENDENCY IS ALSO ON RISE

• Breakup of joint family• Child centric family• Parents’ shrinking social life• Parents devoting more time

Dependency in India is not looked down upon and people seem to be enjoying it. But it should not be to the extent of leading to separation anxiety which has become a recognized entity in all age groups.

This has both positive and negative sides

AND THEN, BEING INTRUSIVE IRRITATES CHILDREN

DOUBLE STANDARD DOES NOT WORK

Parents want their children to have all good qualities without practicing them themselves. They want their children to study literature, poetry etc. and they themselves indulge in watching TV for relaxation.

You need to be a role model

YOUR AMBITION FOR YOUR CHILD

• Many a times, parents have ambitions for their children, and these tend to be conditioned by the parents’ own childhood experiences-both positive and negative.• It is important that you, as parents, do not pre-

decide or pre-determine anything. Observe your child to try and identify where his or her interest lies, and then hone and develop that.• It will be sad if your child spends a lifetime doing

something that does not interest him or her.

Nutan Pandit 2010

LETTING YOUR CHILD BE: UNSTRUCTURED PLAY

• Play is a simple joy that is a cherished part of childhood. • A lack of spontaneous play time can create stress for

children and parents alike.• Numerous studies have shown that unstructured play has

many benefits. • It can help children become creative, discover their own

passion, develop problem solving skills, relate to others and adjust to school settings.

• Once a child discovers his passion, it is the discovery of what direction in life he will take, what will be the purpose of his actions, where he will dedicate extra time and energy.

• Social pressure and marketing pitches about creating “super children” contribute to lack of playtime for many families.

• But so does lack of safe places to play these days. Nutan Pandit 2010

ACCEPTING FAILURE

• ‘Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.’• Remember, it is possible and okay for your

child to fail occasionally; it is not a matter of great shame or the end of your child’s future.• So teach them to take failure in good spirit

and parents should also learn to be cool at the time of failure.

Nutan Pandit 2010

PARENTING IN JOINT FAMILY

• Most important is to sort out interpersonal problems when children are not around. • Any member should not undermine the

position and respectability of the other member.• Should encourage children to have good

time with all members.

Shalini Mitra 2005

ALCOHOL & PARENTING

• Alcohol is one of the most important cause which hinders in parenting. • Child abuse many a time occur under the

effect of alcohol.

PROJECTED FUTURE MENACE

• Alcohol use disorders show an increased trend in developing countries like India.• Nearly 30-35% of adult men and

approximately 5% of adult women consume alcohol.• Alcohol use disorders affect different aspects

of life of a person which includes their family.

Subodh 2014

Ethnic Identity, Acculturation, Parenting and Adolescent Adjustment

• Contextual factors (ethnicity/culture, family socioeconomic status, and neighborhood/community) influence parenting practices.• With exposure to situations that challenge

their ways of thinking, immigrant parents develop child-rearing beliefs that allow them to function in both cultures and have positive effects on their adolescent children’s psychological adjustment.

Farver 2007

FINAL WORDS….

• These are some of the issues that I thought to be pertinent and so picked them up for presentation.• Parenting involves all our beliefs, passions and

convictions.• Issues could be myriad and non-ending.• There is need to have open mindedness while

trying to understand parenting, be it in any context.

Thank

s