my marriage and family project

8/13/2019 My Marriage and Family Project

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Wing Marriage and Family Project 1

My Marriage and Family Project

SOC 206

Marriage and Family

Kristi Wing


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Wing Marriage and Family Project

+!ter reading +**endi( F" I reali/ed that tho#gh $e only %ne$ each other !or a

short *eriod o! time e!ore $e got married" $e did disc#ss almost every as*ect o! the

a**endi(' We agreed on everything and still do" even many years later' +**endi( F did

not really introd#ce any ne$ in!ormation to me since $e are already married and have

$ritten o#t o#r $ills and li!e ins#rance *olicies' Since my h#s and $as in the +rmy" it

$as something that $as done and changed as needed ,$hen $e had children- as *art

o! de*loyment and yearly *roced#res' On o#r !irst anniversary" my h#s and $as at

training and he got t$o co*ies o! the oo% 3o$ to 4ove Me5 )he 4over s .oo% o!

7#estions he sent me a co*y and %e*t one !or himsel!' Over the co#rse o! severalse*arations" $e !inished the oo%s' +!ter each se*aration" $e $o#ld read $hat the

other had $ritten" to learn a o#t each other' For o#r !i!th anniversary" I got oth o! #s

co*ies o! What I 4ove + o#t 8o# $hich is the same thing" #t sho$ed ho$ o#r love

had changed and ecome stronger over the years' It also sho$ed #s the things that the

other one really notices and loves a o#t o#r relationshi*' For o#r anniversary this year"

I ordered .oo% o! 9s5 + :o#rnal o! 8o#r 4ove Story in 1;0 7#estions'

4ogan $as raised on military ases" it is a di!!erent c#lt#re !rom civilian

comm#nities' )here is more o! an e(*ectation o! disci*line" res*onsi ility" and

morals


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Wing Marriage and Family Project >

im*ortant !or children to learn !rom their *arents" oth thro#gh teaching and thro#gh

e(am*le'

Would I cohabitate?

8es" I $o#ld" and I have' +!ter I grad#ated !rom high school" I had a good jo

and a oy!riend that I had een $ith !or a year' 3e had as%ed me to marry him and I

had said yes' We $ere oth sta le in o#r jo s and decided that $e $anted to #y a

ho#se a!ter $e got married ,$e had set a date !or a o#t a year and a hal! later'- In

order to save !or the do$n *ayment" $e had decided that moving in together $as the

est $ay to save money" in order to reach o#r goal' We ended #* rea%ing #* a o#tthree months a!ter $e moved in together d#e to him cheating on me'

My h#s and and I did not live together e!ore $e got married" $e oth had o#r

o$n se*arate a*artments' I do not elieve that *eo*le sho#ld coha itate as soon as

they meet' I thin% that it is est !or a committed relationshi*" tho#gh d#ring times o!

economic str#ggles" as $e have right no$" coha itation is an o*tion $hen t$o *eo*le

cannot a!!ord to %ee* t$o se*arate residences' I thin% that coha itation is est $hen

t$o *eo*le have decided to ma%e a commitment to e monogamo#s a!ter a *eriod o!

dating' I do not !eel that there is a limit to ho$ long *eo*le can live together $itho#t a

!ormal commitment ,engagement" marriage" etc'- I %no$ o! *eo*le $ho have een living

together !or t$enty years $ith no intention to get married" #t they are some o! the

ha**iest *eo*le $ith a great" committed relationshi* to each other that has een *roven

thro#gh many trials and challenges' I also have %no$n *eo*le $ho have had lived

together !or a short *eriod o! time" gotten married and divorced later' )hen" there is my

h#s and and I" $ho never lived together e!ore marriage" #t only %ne$ each other !or


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a short time and o#r marriage is still going strong'

+s I read research that has een done on coha itation" I !o#nd that there are

several theories as to $hy co#*les coha itate e!ore marriage' )he selection

e(*lanation claims that co#*les $ho coha itate have a certain set o! characteristics that

$o#ld ma%e them more li%ely to divorce in the !irst *lace ,Smoc%" 2000-' )hese

characteristics incl#de non traditional val#es and attit#des or *oor relationshi* s%ills

,Smoc%" 2000" *g 6'- It ma%es me $onder that i! these co#*les got married $itho#t

coha itating" $o#ld it increase the divorce rate since they $o#ld have *ro a ly gotten

divorced' F#rther" the st#dy also *ost#lates that coha itation is still a relatively ne$*henomenon in +merican society and is changing over time" #t the $ays that the data

is collected also has to change in order to acco#nt !or this ,Smoc%" 2000'- For e(am*le"

on many ?#estionnaires" those $ho are coha iting" even $ith the iological !ather o!

their child,ren"- are considered single *arents ,Smoc%" 2000'-

In cha*ter nine o! o#r te(t" coha itation ta%es on one o! !ive categories@ *rel#de

to marriage" stage in the marriage *rocess" alternative to single&hood" alternative to

marriage and indisting#isha le !rom marriage ,K#n/" 2011'- In *rel#de to marriage" the

co#*le coha itates as a ste* e!ore marriage" they either get married or rea% #*

e!ore the irth o! children ,K#n/" 2011'- I elieve that this is acce*ta le' When children

are not involved and t$o *eo*le live together" that is their choice' I do not elieve that it

is necessarily ad to live $ith someone that yo# are *lanning on marrying in the near

!#t#re" in some cases it may e necessary economically' +s a stage in the marriage

*rocess" co#*les may live together $hile *#rs#ing their ed#cation or ecoming sta le in

their careers ,K#n/" 2011'- )his category o!ten has children that are orn e!ore the


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co#*le marries ,K#n/" 2011'- I elieve" ased in the in!ormation that $as *resented in

the Aational Family Project that children orn to a co#*le $ho are coha itating are at a

disadvantage ,Po*enoe" 200B'- 9sing coha itation as an alternative to single&hood is

$hen a co#*le chooses to live together rather than se*arately $itho#t the *lan o! getting

married" these co#*les are o!ten yo#nger and are more li%ely to rea% #* ,K#n/" 2011'-

4i%e I have stated *revio#sly" economically" it may e an advantage to have another

*erson to hel* *ay the ills' In *revio#s decades" $omen tended to stay at their

*arent s ho#ses #ntil they got married" this is not longer the case as more and more

$omen are living on their o$n e!ore marriage' It may ecome economically necessaryto ma%e the choice to coha itate' I agree $ith this also' Coha itation as an alternative

to marriage has co#*les $ho are together" in a sta le relationshi*" #t they *re!er not to

get married as a choice" there may or may not have children ,K#n/" 2011'- I thin% that

the %ey to this statement is the sta ility !actor' Children $ho are orn into sta le

!amilies are etter o!!" $e %no$ this' .#t I do not elieve that the *arents need to have

a marriage certi!icate in order to e good *arents or *rovide a sta le environment !or

their children' 4astly" coha itation that is indisting#isha le !rom marriage is $hen the

co#*le is indi!!erent to marriage rather than o**osed to it and lac% the incentive to

!ormali/e their relationshi* ,K#n/" 2011" *g 1;>'- +gain" as long as the co#*le is

sta le" I do not elieve that $e m#st !orce a legal #nion et$een the individ#als" i! this is

not $hat they desire'

=o I agree $ith $hat is *resented in the te(t" I do" !or the most *art' )he

coha itation e!!ect" as descri ed in the te(t" claims that those $ho coha itate are more

li%ely to divorce ,K#n/" 2011'- .#t" the te(t also goes on to state that the e!!ect may not


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Wing Marriage and Family Project

e as signi!icant as $as *revio#sly tho#ght ,K#n/" 2011" *g' 1;>'-

My h#s and and I have disc#ssed every as*ect o! +**endi( F at one time or

another d#ring o#r relationshi* ,mostly e!ore marriage" then again e!ore $e had

children" and then $hen $e had o#r second child'-

Appendix F

Se( and Contrace*tion

What birth control methods will be used? I $as told that I had endometriosis and$o#ld most li%ely not e a le to get *regnant #ntil I had s#rgery' So $e had decided

that $e $o#ld not #se irth control once $e $ere married" #t $e did e!ore o#r

$edding' Once o#r oldest son $as orn" $e decided that I $o#ld go ac% on irth

control *ills' We then decided to try !or another a y and $e had o#r yo#ngest son'

We decided that o#r !amily $as com*lete and $e decided on a *ermanent !orm o! irth

control'

Are both partners willing to abort an unwanted pregnancy? Ao" neither o! #s

$o#ld e $illing to a ort an #n*lanned *regnancy" this $as also one o! the !irst things

that $e tal%ed a o#t e!ore $e ecame se(#ally active'

How does each partner define sex (sexual intercourse, cuddling, fondling)? I

de!ine se( as se(#al interco#rse and so does my h#s and' We oth have had the

same de!inition !rom the eginning'

How often do partners expect to ha e sexual intercourse? O! co#rse o#r

e(*ectations have changed over time' When $e $ere !irst married" $e oth had the


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e(*ectation o! having se( *retty o!ten' )his changed $hen my h#s and joined the

military' It allo$ed #s to concentrate on things other than act#al se(#al interco#rse' We

ecame close in other $ays eca#se my h#s and $as gone a lot and $e $ere a le to

!oc#s on non&se(#al $ays to sho$ each other that $e loved the other one' )hen a!ter

having %ids" $e again ada*ted o#r e(*ectations' )his has $or%ed $ell !or #s as $e are

oth on the same *age" tho#gh $e are ma%ing more time to j#st sit and e together'

Are there any sexual acts that one partner considers demeaning or offensi e?

)here have een some disc#ssions ,es*ecially $hen $e $ere !irst together- a o#t $hat

$e tho#ght a o#t di!!erent se(#al to*ics' We decided that $e had things that the otherone didn t !eel com!orta le $ith and those $e $o#ld either not do them at all or that it

$o#ld e #* to the one $ho $as not com!orta le to ma%e the restrictions or set the

gro#nds !or that to*ic'

What happens if a partner loses interest in sexual intercourse? We $o#ld again

ada*t' )here have een times $here each o! #s has lost interest in se(#al interco#rse'

We have tal%ed a o#t it and $e are strong eno#gh in o#r marriage that $e are alright

$ith sitting and eing together and still !eeling that *hysical closeness'

How serious is infidelity? In!idelity is very serio#s to #s' We s*ent a lot o! time

se*arated eca#se o! the military" eing a le to tr#st that each o! #s $as eing !aith!#l

$as very im*ortant' )he tr#st that $e had !or each other co#ld not have s#rvived i!

either o! #s cheated' We decided $hen $e $ere dating and !irst married" then

em*hasi/ed a!ter my h#s and joined the +rmy that in!idelity $as gro#nds !or a divorce"

$itho#t ?#estion' .#t" I thin% that even tho#gh it has not een an iss#e in o#r marriage"

$e may e a le to $or% thro#gh it i! it $as to ha**en" #t it $o#ld ta%e a lot o! $or%'


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How does each partner define infidelity? .oth o! #s de!ine it the same $ay' We

have decided that even i! there is not *hysical contact" s#ch as te(ting or video chat"

in!idelity can still e involved' It can e either *hysical or emotional" #t oth o! them

are acts o! in!idelity'

3aving and Eaising Children

!o both partners want children? "f so, how many and at what inter als? .oth o!

#s $anted children' We oth $anted at least one' We $ere #ndecided on having a

second child #ntil a!ter o#r son $as older' We oth come !rom smaller !amilies and !elt

that one or t$o children $ere ideal !or #s'"s attending religious ser ices important? "f so, how often? #hould current or

future children ha e a religious upbringing? .oth o! #s had done a lot o! so#l searching

, e!ore $e even met- and decided that organi/ed religion $as not right !or #s at this

*oint in o#r lives' We oth came !rom religio#s ac%gro#nds" #t decided that $e

needed to !ind o#r o$n *aths and o#r o$n !aith' Once $e had children" $e decided that

$e $ere going to introd#ce them to many religions thro#gho#t their childhoods and

allo$ them to as% ?#estions and !ind their o$n *ath also' My older son has een to

services at many di!!erent religio#s organi/ations and $e s#**ort and $elcome that'

We ho*e that once he gets older he $ill e a le to ma%e the decision !or himsel! and $e

$ill s#**ort any choices that he ma%es' We $ill do the same !or the yo#ngest once he

gets a little it older'

"f the woman $eeps her surname, will the children ha e the father%s or the

mother%s surname? I decided that I $as going to ta%e on my h#s and s last name' )he

main decision $as that Wing $as a lot easier to s*ell and *rono#nce than my maiden


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name'

Who is responsible for disciplining the children? =oes disci*line incl#de

s*an%ing" sla**ing" or hitting .oth o! #s ta%e an active role in disci*lining o#r children'

It asically comes do$n to $hich one o! #s gets to the sit#ation !irst' O!ten times" one

o! #s tal%s $ith the older one $hile one tal%s to the yo#nger one i! it is a matter et$een

the t$o o! them' Most o! the other times" $e ta%e t#rns' Ao" $e do not disci*line o#r

children y hitting" s*an%ing" or sla**ing' We have to #se di!!erent means $ith o#r older

son eca#se o! his challenges" #t $e do not #se *hysical means at all'

Who will do the housewor$? What chores will each person perform? When myh#s and $as in the +rmy" I did ninety *ercent o! the ho#se$or%' )his $as my choice@

he $or%ed all day and #s#ally came home late !rom $or%' 3e $as also o!ten gone !or

$ee%s or months at a time' My h#s and did $hat he co#ld $hen he $as home" #t it

$asn t e(*ected' Once he $as no longer in the +rmy" $e started to share more o! the

ho#sehold chores' For the most *art" $e each j#st do $hat needs to e done" $hen it

needs to e done'

Eelatives and Friends

How important is it to maintain contact with one%s parents, siblings, or other

relati es? "f they li e far away, is there a limit on long&distance calls? .oth o! #s are

very close to my !amily' We s*ent three years in Germany and that is $here o#r !irst

son $as orn' Since I $as a ne$ mom and $e had only een married !or a short *eriod

o! time" I s*ent a lot o! time tal%ing to my mom on the *hone' My h#s and $as very

#nderstanding o! this and o#ght a s*ecial *lan $ith the *hone com*any that allo$ed

me to call as m#ch as I $anted' Concerning my h#s and s !amily" $e have not een


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really close to them !or vario#s reasons'

Which partner%s parents should the couple isit, especially during the holidays?

When $e $ere visiting !or the holidays $e al$ays stayed $ith my *arents and visited

his *arents !or short *eriods o! time' Ao$ that $e live closer to oth o#r !amilies" #t it

gives #s the chance to s*end more time $ith oth o! o#r !amilies in times other than the

holidays'

"s it important to celebrate relati es% birthdays, anni ersaries, and other

occasions? "f so, who buys the cards and presents? Sho#ld there e a limit on gi!t&

giving !or irths" irthdays" grad#ations" $edding" and other milestones We cele rateclose !amily mem er s irthdays $ith !amily *arties and anniversaries $ith cards and

*hone calls' When $e are #ying *resents" $e #s#ally #y them together" #ntil $e

ha**en to sho**ing and see something that $o#ld e *er!ect' We have made an

agreement $ith the !amilies that $e do not #y *resents !or each other !or irthdays"

anniversaries" ect' Only the children get *resents'

'an parent%s or other relati es li e in the couple%s home? nder what conditions

and for how long? My h#s and s hal!& rother moved in $ith #s !or a little $hile $e lived

in Hirginia" $e had an e(tra edroom and he needed some time to clear his head' We

have disc#ssed other relatives and decided that it $o#ld e on a case y case sit#ation

de*ending on the circ#mstances' We have not made de!inite decisions since each

sit#ation is di!!erent'

Who is responsible for care&ta$ing an elderly or disabled parent or other

relati es? We have disc#ssed o#r *arents living $ith #s $hen they are older' We oth

agree that my *arents are $elcome" #t his *arents are not' )his is a m#t#al decision'


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We have also tal%ed a o#t i! the sit#ation arose" moving into my *arents ho#se i! they

needed care" their ho#se is *lenty ig eno#gh !or all o! #s and $e oth agree that my

*arents $o#ld !eel more at home and less stressed i! they co#ld stay in their home'

)his sit#ation $o#ld e di!!erent i! $e had a ho#se o! o#r o$n or i! $e $ere living a

distance a$ay $here $e co#ld not give #* o#r c#rrent jo s or move the %ids !rom their

schools' My h#s and s sister has ta%en on the res*onsi ility o! caring !or his mother i!

something $ere to ha**en' 3is !ather has more reso#rces $here he is ,Hirginia- and

has not comm#nicated $hat he $ants $ith his children'

How important is sociali ing with friends? "t is acceptable for each partner tosociali e with friends on her or his own? 'an partners discuss personal problems with

friends or family members? .eca#se I $as an +rmy $i!e" I have gotten several close

!riends that I have had since I $as in Germany and then others !rom other ases' +rmy

$ives !orm close onds $ith other +rmy $ives and they ecome more li%e sisters' )he

same goes !or the other men that are in my h#s and s #nit' We needed to have !riends

and s#**ort each other' It is com*letely acce*ta le !or #s to sociali/e $itho#t the other

*artner' It is also nat#ral !or #s to disc#ss *ersonal *ro lems $ith each other' Kno$ing

that someone else is going thro#gh the same thing and that it is normal to have the

!eelings that yo# do $hen yo# are an +rmy $i!e ,or a soldier- is very im*ortant' Aeither

o! #s $o#ld ever disc#ss things that $ere *ersonal or $e $ere told in con!idence' We

o!ten get my mother s o*inion on *ersonal iss#es" eca#se my mom is very good at

eing im*artial and seeing oth sides o! the iss#e'

Financial Iss#es

#hould there be a *oint or separate sa ing and chec$ing accounts? A


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combination? We have t$o chec%ing acco#nts and a savings acco#nt' )hey are oth

joint" #t I am the *rimary on one and he is the *rimary on the other' When $e $ere

oth $or%ing" $e $o#ld each have certain ills that $e $ere each res*onsi le !or" that

money $o#ld go into the joint savings acco#nt !or the ills to e *aid o#t o! it' )he

saving acco#nt $as also $here $e each *#t money !or savings and vacations or

emergencies' We had access to each o! the acco#nts i! needed and $e did not hide

money !rom each other ,e(ce*t !or gi!ts and s#r*rises'-

'an a partner do anything she or he wants with his or her separate chec$ing

or sa ings accounts? We each had money that $as le!t over a!ter o#r *ortions o! theills $ere *aid' Most o! the time" $e s*end the money jointly" #t $e are also !ree to

#y $hat $e $ant' I! it $as a larger *#rchase" $e al$ays cons#lt the other *erson

e!ore $e do t'

Who is responsible for paying the monthly bills? I am res*onsi le !or *aying the

monthly ills' It is this $ay eca#se o! the !act that my h#s and $as gone a lot so I %e*t

#* $ith the ills' It has j#st ecome ha it'

Who is responsible for preparing state and federal taxes? +gain" that has !allen

on me" tho#gh most o! the time" i! $e are oth availa le" $e $ill $or% together to do

them online'

!o both partners agree that credit card debts are acceptable? "f so, is there a

limit on the amount of debt? We had credit cards and $e #sed them as little as $e

co#ld' We have *aid them o!! and closed them so that $e do not have to $orry a o#t

amassing additional de t'

Who decides whether and how much life insurance to buy? Who will be the


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Wing Marriage and Family Project 1>

beneficiaries? My h#s and has a li!e ins#rance *olicy thro#gh the military" I also have

one' I am the ene!iciary o! my h#s and s and he is on mine' O#r %ids are listed as

getting *art o! the *olicy $hen they are t$enty&!o#r' )his $as decided m#t#ally'

Who decides whether and when to in est in the stoc$ mar$et? )his is something

that has not come #* !or #s' We disc#ssed it e!ore and decided that $e $anted to

have more sta le income and savings e!ore $e invested'

"f partners disagree about financial issues, how will the conflict be resol ed?

)here have een many times $hen $e have disagreed a o#t !inancial iss#es' Most o!

the time it is disc#ssed and a m#t#al agreement is made' I! $e cannot come to adecision" #s#ally $e do not do anything and no action is ta%en'

How well do you hope to now your potential spouse be!ore you say "I do#

I can honestly say that I $ished that I %ne$ my h#s and a little it more e!ore

$e got married' .#t at the same time" I loved !inding o#t ne$ things a o#t him a!ter $e

$ere married' Some o! them $ere good and some o! them $ere not' .#t" $e $or%ed

thro#gh them' I can no$ say that I %no$ most everything a o#t my h#s and" #t every

once in a $hile he still s#r*rises me $ith something ne$" j#st li%e I do to him' I thin%

that this is im*ortant" to %ee* getting to %no$ each other thro#gho#t the co#rse o! the

marriage'

What is the most crucial !or you in ma ing this decision?

I made the choice to marry my h#s and $hen I $as nineteen' )he most

im*ortant thing to me at that *oint $as that he made me !eel sa!e and loved' 3e $as so

di!!erent than any other g#y that I had ever met' I had the list o! things that I $anted in a


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Wing Marriage and Family Project 1;

mate and he !it every one o! them" e(ce*t !or the !act that he didn t have lac% hair and

l#e eyes" #t I learned to live $ith that' 3e had the same vie$s as I did on religion"

relationshi*s" se(" and love' 3e had already een married once ,his !irst $i!e !o#nd o#t

that she had cancer right a!ter they got married" and died a short time later- and een in

the military' 3e $as sta le" mat#re" !#n to e aro#nd" had a great sense o! h#mor" and

loved me !or $ho I $as' 3e $anted me to !ollo$ my dreams' )he most cr#cial thing !or

me $as that $hen I loo%ed in his eyes" I %no$ that it so#nds cheesy" #t it j#st !elt right'

We have gro$n together over the co#rse o! o#r marriage' +t the eginning" it

co#ld e characteri/ed y eros" $here it $as ?#ic% and all cons#ming' We tal%ed a lotand $ere very attracted to each other' Over time" it changed to aga*e" $ere $e are

very concerned a o#t each other and $e love each other #nconditionally ,K#n/" 2011'-

We also have a very high level o! commitment to oth the marriage and o#r

!amily' We have good , #t co#ld e im*roved- comm#nication styles $here $e tal% to

each other and listen ,K#n/" 2011'- We see o#rselves as a co#*le" $e hel* each other

even i! it is not $hat $e $o#ld li%e to e doing at the very moment ,K#n/" 2011'- We

have s#**orted each other thro#gh so many di!!erent things@ $e are each other s est

!riend and est motivation ,K#n/" 2011'- We have al$ays een on the same *age

a o#t o#r religio#s elie!s' We have !o#nd that $e need to ta%e time !or o#rselves' We

each have things that $e li%e to do that the other s*o#se is not really !ond o! doing' We

#se this as an o**ort#nity to s*end some time alone and to have time to thin%" $e also

have things that $e li%e to do as a co#*le" $hen $e can' 4astly" $e have many ho ies

that $e do as a !amily that $e all enjoy' We have !o#nd that this is a great alance

$here $ere are all ha**y' We have a little sign in o#r edroom that has di!!erent $ords


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that $e can *#t on a magnetic oard' Jvery morning" $hoever sees it !irst changes the

$ords aro#nd and then the other one sees it and changes it to a di!!erent $ord or t$o'

We have !o#nd that this al$ays *#ts a smile on o#r !aces and is a oost' We also try to

at least to#ch each other $henever $e $al% y" j#st a s?#ee/e o! their hand or a ?#ic%

r# on their ac%' I !o#nd that $hen :ay is gone" that is $hat I miss the most" j#st the

little things li%e the magnetic oard and the rie! to#ches' We al$ays la#gh together"

even $hen everything is going ad" one o! #s al$ays seems to !ind the h#mor in

something that has ha**ened' We tr#st each other com*letely" no ?#estions a o#t it' I

thin% that this is one o! the main things that have %e*t #s together !or this long' I haves*ent a lot o! time trying to thin% o! things !rom my h#s and s *oint o! vie$' We $ent to

a marriage retreat $hen $e had een married !or a !e$ years' )hey had #s se*arate

!rom o#r s*o#ses and each o! #s $rote a day in the li!e o! re*ort' )hen" $e read them

all $hen $e $ere ac% together and $e had to try to *ic% $hich one $as o#r s*o#ses'

=oing that really sho$ed me things !rom his *oint o! vie$ and it changed the $ay that I

tho#ght o! him' O#r marriage has changed so m#ch over time' We have gone !rom

ne$ly$eds in a !oreign co#ntry" to ne$ *arents" to moving ten times in ten years" my

h#s and eing gone !or m#ch o! the time" a second a y" li!e j#st %ee*s changing and

eing a le to ada*t is so im*ortant' I have loo%ed at each o! the changes as an

advent#re and it has really hel*ed #s to stay *ositive" not matter $hat the sit#ation $as'

Would $ou Wor When the %hild Is Ages irth'( years?

Since $e already have children" the ?#estion o! $ho $o#ld $or% and stay home

is easy !or me to ans$er' +gain" since my h#s and $as in the +rmy" I stayed home $ith

!irst my older son ,4ogan- and then $ith my yo#nger one ,=ra%e- also' I $or%ed some


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o! the time" second shi!t" so that I $as a le to e home d#ring the day' )his $as done"

!irst" eca#se I $anted to stay home" eca#se 4ogan has challenges that made it

di!!ic#lt to !ind a *rovider that $o#ld e a le to care !or him" and lastly" eca#se o! my

h#s and eing in the military' I co#ld not de*end on him to e home at any given time

so I needed to e availa le at all times' I $ent ac% to $or% and college !#ll time once

4ogan $as in school" my h#s and $as still in the +rmy" so he still $as not a le to e as

m#ch o! a *arent as he $o#ld have li%ed to have een" #t I $as a le to have time

d#ring the day to $or%" go to school" and ta%e care o! 4ogan' I !o#nd o#t that I $as

*regnant shortly e!ore my h#s and got orders to go to Korea' I had already *lannedon leaving my jo eca#se o! the *revio#s orders that $e had gotten to another ase' I

did not $or% again , #t did vol#nteer $or%- d#ring the time that I $as *regnant and

$hen =ra%e $as yo#nger' Ao$" since my h#s and is o#t o! the +rmy" he has ta%en on

more o! the child&rearing res*onsi ilities" along $ith the ho#sehold chores' Eight no$"

as I have more ed#cation that he does and the jo *ros*ects are etter !or me" o#r roles

$ithin the !amily are li%ely to change' My h#s and $ill ho*e!#lly contin#e his ed#cation

and ta%e care o! a lot o! the child&rearing and ho#sehold chores $hile I start my career'

)his has een something that he has $anted to do d#ring o#r $hole marriage and I

thin% that it $o#ld e great !or oth him and the children i! this $o#ld ha**en'

Eight no$" o#r yo#ngest is in daycare' We chose to *#t him $here he is a!ter

hearing great things a o#t the *rogram' We *ay less than the 1 " 1;B that is the

yearly average !or the state o! Massach#setts in 2011 ,A+CCEE+" 2011- at a o#t

;;00' We have com*romised having less income !or me to e a le to stay home

$hen my older son $as yo#nger eca#se $e !elt that he $o#ld e etter at home rather


18/21

Wing Marriage and Family Project 1B

than in a daycare setting' )he yo#nger one on the other hand has thrived in this

environment' I! $e co#ld not a!!ord to have in the same ?#ality o! care that $e !elt that

he needed" $e $o#ld ma%e the sacri!ice on the income !or one o! #s to stay home' We

$o#ld not !eel com!orta le $ith either o! them in sit#ation $here $e did not !eel that it

$as sa!e'

A Family )hat Prays )ogether and Plays )ogether *tays )ogether#

I elieve that is very tr#e' )ho#gh $e are not religio#s" $e do s*end a lot o! time

together' From the moment that $e are together" o#r %ids are central to o#r day' We

hel* $ith home$or%" $e *lay games" $e tal% to them" eat at the ta le every nighttogether" $e read stories e!ore ed" have !amily game nights" and have a lot o! !amily

ho ies that $e enjoy' )his time is very im*ortant to #s' Once o#r %ids go to ed" my

h#s and and I ta%e this time to tal% to each other" s*end time together" home$or%" and

$or% on ho#sehold chores' On the $ee%ends" $e ma%e time !or o#r home$or% and

other o ligations" #t other than that" $e are s*ending time $ith o#r %ids doing $hat $e

enjoy' We elieve in oth ?#ality and ?#antity time' We $ant to s*end a lot o! time $ith

o#r %ids" #t $e $ant this time to also e ?#ality' We do things li%e $atch !amily movies

together" #t even d#ring those times" $e have #s#ally made a !ort on the !loor o! the

living room and are in slee*ing ags eating *o*corn'

+s I have mentioned *revio#sly in this *a*er" $e have made the decision to allo$

o#r children to e(*lore any religion that they choose' We also have !o#nd $here $e are

com!orta le $ith o#r o$n !aith'

What +alues are Important to $ou? What Would $ou Want to Ma e *ure $our

%hildren Ha,e As a *trong Foundation- ase?


19/21

Wing Marriage and Family Project 1D

)he val#es that are im*ortant to me are !amily connections" ed#cation"

vol#nteerism" service ,military and comm#nity"- hard $or%" dedication" *erseverance"

determination" and res*ect' )hese things are the most im*ortant val#es $ithin o#r

!amily' We ho*e that $e have instilled these things in o#r children y oth e(am*le and

y teaching' We have very strong onds $ith my !amily and o#r children have seen the

s#**ort and love that !amily can give' .oth my h#s and and I are dedicated to

!#rthering o#r ed#cations and o#r children have seen $hat $e are doing' We also

stress trying yo#r hardest in school and ta%ing yo#r st#dies serio#sly' 4ogan has a lot o!

challenges that ma%e it harder !or him to e s#ccess!#l in school" #t $e haves#**orted him as m#ch as $e can and he is doing *retty $ell' .oth my h#s and and I

also vol#nteer !or vario#s ca#ses and a lot o! times o#r children are also *art o! this' I

ho*e that they also start to do their o$n vol#nteer *rojects as they get older' 3ard&

$or%" dedication" *erseverance" determination" and res*ect are all things that $e have

tried very hard to instill in o#r children'


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Ee!erences

K#n/" :' ,2011-' +hin$ arriage and -amily. .oston" M+5 Pearson Jd#cation'

A+CCEE+' ,2011-' /011 'hild 'are in the #tate of2 assachusetts ' Eetrieved !rom

A+CCEE+5 htt*5


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3o$ to 4ove Me5 )he 4over s .oo% o! 7#estions , htt*5

my marriage and family project

Documents