Habit 5Habit 5

Seek First to Understand and Seek First to Understand and Then to Be UnderstoodThen to Be Understood

Barriers to CommunicationBarriers to Communication

AssumingAssuming Rescuing/ExplainingRescuing/Explaining DirectingDirecting ExpectingExpecting AdultismsAdultisms

IgnoringIgnoring

Making no effort to listenMaking no effort to listen Spacing out Spacing out

Pretend ListeningPretend Listening

Making believe or giving the appearance Making believe or giving the appearance you are listening.you are listening.

Selective ListeningSelective Listening

Hearing only the parts of the conversation Hearing only the parts of the conversation that interest you.that interest you.

Word ListeningWord Listening

Only listening to the words that are being Only listening to the words that are being spoken not to the Body language, feelings spoken not to the Body language, feelings or true meaning of the words. or true meaning of the words.

Self Centered /Autobiographical Self Centered /Autobiographical Listening Listening

This happens when we see everything This happens when we see everything from our own view point. from our own view point.

Oh, I know exactly how you feel Oh, I know exactly how you feel statements come from thisstatements come from this

Often a game of one up man shipOften a game of one up man ship

Responses of Self centered listeningResponses of Self centered listening

Judging: make judgments about person Judging: make judgments about person and what they are sayingand what they are saying

Advising: give advise from our own Advising: give advise from our own experienceexperience

Probing: attempt to dig up emotions before Probing: attempt to dig up emotions before people are ready to disclose. people are ready to disclose.

Genuine ListeningGenuine Listening

Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears.Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears. Stand in their shoesStand in their shoes Practice mirroring repeat back what the Practice mirroring repeat back what the

other person is saying and feeling (not other person is saying and feeling (not mimicking which is repeating words, using mimicking which is repeating words, using the same word, cold and indifferent)the same word, cold and indifferent)

Empathetic ListeningEmpathetic Listening

GOALGOAL Listening and responding with both the Listening and responding with both the

heart and mind to understand the heart and mind to understand the speaker’s words, intent and feelings. speaker’s words, intent and feelings.

5 Empathetic Responses5 Empathetic Responses

Repeat verbatimRepeat verbatim Rephrase contentRephrase content Reflect FeelingsReflect Feelings Rephrase content and reflect feelingsRephrase content and reflect feelings Discern when empathy is not appropriate Discern when empathy is not appropriate

or necessary.or necessary.

How WE communicateHow WE communicate

7% through the words we use7% through the words we use 38% through the words and sounds we 38% through the words and sounds we

makemake 55% through nonverbal and body 55% through nonverbal and body

languagelanguage

Results of Empathic ListeningResults of Empathic Listening

Gives other psychological air to breathGives other psychological air to breath Open space in which a person may Open space in which a person may

explore feelings, vent emotions, and feel explore feelings, vent emotions, and feel understood without being judged. understood without being judged.