HABIT 5:Seek first to understand,Then to be understood

By Sonya Breaux

Principles of empathic communication (Look)

1. The first principle for interpersonal relations is rush and fixing up with good advice.

2. The first principle for interpersonal relations is seek to understand then to be understood.

(P.237-238)

Communication and characterCommunication and character

1. There are 5 ways of communication.2. There are 4 ways of communication.

1. If you want to interact with me you need to set your example and actual conduct.

2. If you want to interact with me you need to understand me without prejudgment.

(P.238)

LISTEN!LISTEN!

1.1. Empathic listening “Seek first to understand”Empathic listening “Seek first to understand”

2.2. The empathic listening is active.The empathic listening is active.

1.1. Reflective listening is mimicking what other Reflective listening is mimicking what other person says.person says.

2.2. Reflective listening is just reading the body Reflective listening is just reading the body language.language.

(P.241)(P.241)

LISTEN! Let me see…

Let me see if I understand what your position is… and your concerns are about…and you want my recommendations?

When you feel you actually understand them, then say “we will see different proposals, let’s analyze them together, and we will see if it has relevance or not” (Put yourself in others’ shoes)(P.242)

DANGER!If you open yourself up to be influenced you will be vulnerable.In order to influence, you need to be influenced.

Diagnose before you prescribe (Touch)

• If you do not have confidence in your diagnosis you won’t have confidence in the prescription. (P.244) • Produce a product with out taking into account people’s needs, buying habits, or motivation.In order to influence, you need to be influenced.

4 authobiographical responses

1. Evaluate2. Probe3. Give advice4. Interpret

1. Seek to understand2. Become logical3. Become emotional4. Seek for welfare of the individual(P.252-253)

How we can come up with a WiN/WiN situation?

1. UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION: Take notes, sit on the same side but leave yourself/experiences aside.

2. BECOME LOGICAL: go back to empathic/ask questions

3. BECOME EMOTIONAL: cover ears/watch emotion.

4. SEEK THE WELFARE OF THE INDIVIDUAL: Describe the point of view and their proponents, let the person listen to you, and let them find the solution at their own pace and time.

(P.258-259/252-253)