Empowering Teens through

Communication

Nellie MokSocial Worker

Knowing TEENSKnowing TEENS

TTEEEENNSS

TrustTrust

ExpectationsExpectations

EmpathyEmpathy

NeedsNeeds

Skills Skills

Trust Trust

Showing interest in the childShowing interest in the child Commitment to quality time Commitment to quality time Keeping confidentialityKeeping confidentiality Keeping your promiseKeeping your promise Being an active listenerBeing an active listener

ExpectationsExpectations

Willingness to hear what the Willingness to hear what the teensteens has to has to saysay

Genuinely want to say what you want toGenuinely want to say what you want to

Able to accept the Able to accept the teensteens’ messages and ’ messages and feelingsfeelings

Able to appreciate that the feelings are Able to appreciate that the feelings are transitory and not permanenttransitory and not permanent

EmpathyEmpathy

A process of putting oneself intoA process of putting oneself into anotheranother person’s world andperson’s world and experiencing the feelingsexperiencing the feelings

Focus is on the teens’ feelingsFocus is on the teens’ feelings

NeedsNeeds

SelfSelf FamilyFamily FriendsFriends SchoolsSchools Community/SocietyCommunity/Society

Communication Skills Communication Skills

What? Why? When? Where? How?

A problem is finger pointing to a skill the child needs to learn or to become better at. If we focus on the problem we have missed the point.

PR

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LEM

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SK

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PR

OB

LEM

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SK

ILL 01

It’s more fun for children to learn skills than to try to get rid of problems

How to communicateHow to communicate

Listening skillsListening skills

Reflecting skillsReflecting skills

LISTENING SKILLSLISTENING SKILLS

TwoTwo--way communication way communication involving our ears, heartinvolving our ears, heart, , eyes eyes

and mouthand mouth

LISTENING SKILLSLISTENING SKILLS

Guidelines for Effective ListeningGuidelines for Effective Listening

Listen for message contentListen for message content Listen for feelingsListen for feelings Note all cues-verbal & non-verbalNote all cues-verbal & non-verbal Respond to feelingsRespond to feelings Reflect back to the teen in your Reflect back to the teen in your

own words what you have heardown words what you have heard

REFLECTING SKILLSREFLECTING SKILLS

Acknowledge what you have heard Acknowledge what you have heard and understoodand understood

Use “I” statement & pace at theUse “I” statement & pace at the teenteen’s response’s response

Ask openAsk open--ended questions to seek ended questions to seek clarificationsclarifications

BAD COMMUNICATION BAD COMMUNICATION HABITSHABITS

Fact-FinderFact-Finder - seeking information & ignoring - seeking information & ignoring

feelingsfeelings Fix-itFix-it -- solving the problem for anothersolving the problem for another AdvisorAdvisor - telling another what to do- telling another what to do JudgeJudge - evaluating other’s feelings- evaluating other’s feelings

BENEFITS OF EFFECTIVE BENEFITS OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION

Frees the Frees the teens from teens from her hostilityher hostility Frees the Frees the teensteens from the need to her from the need to her

behavioursbehaviours Frees the Frees the teensteens from negative from negative

energyenergy Enables the Enables the teensteens to be understood to be understood Facilitates problem solvingFacilitates problem solving

Teens culture Teens culture Speak their language

Be familiar with their changing trends, customs, music, dress code etc

Some teens may not trust adults easily, so do not widen the gap

Take a learner’s position to want to understand the teens

Relationship = Quality time spent with teens

LISTENLISTEN

When I ask you to listen to me andWhen I ask you to listen to me andyou start giving me advice…you start giving me advice…you have not done what I askyou have not done what I ask

When I ask you to listen to me andWhen I ask you to listen to me andyou begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that

way…way…you are trampling on my feelingsyou are trampling on my feelings

WhenWhen I ask you to listen to me and I ask you to listen to me andyou feel you must do something to solve my you feel you must do something to solve my

problems…problems…you have failed me, strange as that may beyou have failed me, strange as that may be

LISTENLISTEN

Perhaps that’s why prayer works for some Perhaps that’s why prayer works for some people people

BecauseBecause God is silent …God is silent …He doesn’t offer advice or try to fix thingsHe doesn’t offer advice or try to fix thingsHe just listens and trusts you to work it He just listens and trusts you to work it

out for yourselfout for yourself

So please, just listen and hear me… So please, just listen and hear me… AndAnd if you want to talk, if you want to talk,

wait a few minutes for your turnwait a few minutes for your turnand I promiseand I promise

I will listen to you!I will listen to you!

Thank YouThank You