Empowering Teens through
Communication
Nellie MokSocial Worker
Knowing TEENSKnowing TEENS
TTEEEENNSS
TrustTrust
ExpectationsExpectations
EmpathyEmpathy
NeedsNeeds
Skills Skills
Trust Trust
Showing interest in the childShowing interest in the child Commitment to quality time Commitment to quality time Keeping confidentialityKeeping confidentiality Keeping your promiseKeeping your promise Being an active listenerBeing an active listener
ExpectationsExpectations
Willingness to hear what the Willingness to hear what the teensteens has to has to saysay
Genuinely want to say what you want toGenuinely want to say what you want to
Able to accept the Able to accept the teensteens’ messages and ’ messages and feelingsfeelings
Able to appreciate that the feelings are Able to appreciate that the feelings are transitory and not permanenttransitory and not permanent
EmpathyEmpathy
A process of putting oneself intoA process of putting oneself into anotheranother person’s world andperson’s world and experiencing the feelingsexperiencing the feelings
Focus is on the teens’ feelingsFocus is on the teens’ feelings
NeedsNeeds
SelfSelf FamilyFamily FriendsFriends SchoolsSchools Community/SocietyCommunity/Society
Communication Skills Communication Skills
What? Why? When? Where? How?
A problem is finger pointing to a skill the child needs to learn or to become better at. If we focus on the problem we have missed the point.
PR
OB
LEM
TO
SK
ILL
PR
OB
LEM
TO
SK
ILL 01
It’s more fun for children to learn skills than to try to get rid of problems
How to communicateHow to communicate
Listening skillsListening skills
Reflecting skillsReflecting skills
LISTENING SKILLSLISTENING SKILLS
TwoTwo--way communication way communication involving our ears, heartinvolving our ears, heart, , eyes eyes
and mouthand mouth
LISTENING SKILLSLISTENING SKILLS
Guidelines for Effective ListeningGuidelines for Effective Listening
Listen for message contentListen for message content Listen for feelingsListen for feelings Note all cues-verbal & non-verbalNote all cues-verbal & non-verbal Respond to feelingsRespond to feelings Reflect back to the teen in your Reflect back to the teen in your
own words what you have heardown words what you have heard
REFLECTING SKILLSREFLECTING SKILLS
Acknowledge what you have heard Acknowledge what you have heard and understoodand understood
Use “I” statement & pace at theUse “I” statement & pace at the teenteen’s response’s response
Ask openAsk open--ended questions to seek ended questions to seek clarificationsclarifications
BAD COMMUNICATION BAD COMMUNICATION HABITSHABITS
Fact-FinderFact-Finder - seeking information & ignoring - seeking information & ignoring
feelingsfeelings Fix-itFix-it -- solving the problem for anothersolving the problem for another AdvisorAdvisor - telling another what to do- telling another what to do JudgeJudge - evaluating other’s feelings- evaluating other’s feelings
BENEFITS OF EFFECTIVE BENEFITS OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION
Frees the Frees the teens from teens from her hostilityher hostility Frees the Frees the teensteens from the need to her from the need to her
behavioursbehaviours Frees the Frees the teensteens from negative from negative
energyenergy Enables the Enables the teensteens to be understood to be understood Facilitates problem solvingFacilitates problem solving
Teens culture Teens culture Speak their language
Be familiar with their changing trends, customs, music, dress code etc
Some teens may not trust adults easily, so do not widen the gap
Take a learner’s position to want to understand the teens
Relationship = Quality time spent with teens
LISTENLISTEN
When I ask you to listen to me andWhen I ask you to listen to me andyou start giving me advice…you start giving me advice…you have not done what I askyou have not done what I ask
When I ask you to listen to me andWhen I ask you to listen to me andyou begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that
way…way…you are trampling on my feelingsyou are trampling on my feelings
WhenWhen I ask you to listen to me and I ask you to listen to me andyou feel you must do something to solve my you feel you must do something to solve my
problems…problems…you have failed me, strange as that may beyou have failed me, strange as that may be
LISTENLISTEN
Perhaps that’s why prayer works for some Perhaps that’s why prayer works for some people people
BecauseBecause God is silent …God is silent …He doesn’t offer advice or try to fix thingsHe doesn’t offer advice or try to fix thingsHe just listens and trusts you to work it He just listens and trusts you to work it
out for yourselfout for yourself
So please, just listen and hear me… So please, just listen and hear me… AndAnd if you want to talk, if you want to talk,
wait a few minutes for your turnwait a few minutes for your turnand I promiseand I promise
I will listen to you!I will listen to you!
Thank YouThank You