elizabeth grain - modern parenting

5top days out

Stay at home mums vs.Working mumsWhat really is better for your child?

The new access rights for grandparents

Infertility&Adoption

Two couples share their experience

Gingerbreadcookies

Follow our recipe inside!

May

201

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£4.3

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Modern

Parenting

for you and the kids

Contents...Are YOU a grandparent? pg3A new proposal to give grandparents greater access rights after a seperation

Easy tips to reduce those stretchmarks! pg35 quick and fun stretches to banish those marksInfertility pg4Know the facts about infertility

Adoption pg5An emotional interview with a couple who adopted a baby

Top 5 days out for you and the kids pg6Top 5 attractions to take the kids to this summer

Stay at home mums V. working mums pg6-7What really is best for your children?

COOKERY pg 7Quick and easy gingerbread cookie recipe you can do with your child

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Opinion Piece

Here at Modern Parenting we aim to provide you mums and dads with up to date tips and ideas for you and your kids.

We hope you enjoy our emotional interviews and thought provoking opinion pieces.

Oh and try out the yummy gingerbread cookie recipe on page 7!

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A W

ORD

FR

OM THE EDITOR!

Editor’sV i e w

ModernParenting| Thursday May 4, 2011

Breastfeeding in public

Breastfeeding has declined rapidly over the past 10 years in the UK. Raising the question why, when it is known that breastfeeding is the best, are so many mothers choos-ing not to do it? It has always been known that breast milk is the best for your baby. It does more than just satisfy your baby’s hunger it’s full of essential nutrients needed to boost your newborn’s immune system. It fights infection, helps with bond-ing, promotes intelligence and even reduces the risk of breast cancer.

Recent evidence has emerged which indicates that breastfeeding is de-clining in developing countries. One of the suggested reasons behind this is because of the problem when it comes to breast-feeding in public. But surely with all the benefits to mum and baby it is time to put this stigma behind us.

It is not illegal to breastfeed any-where in the UK but more and more women are choosing to bottle feed to avoid the stares or added hassle.

It can be daunting and hard enough for a mother to take a new baby out and about. But if you feel you need to hide away at home or in a private room whenever your baby decides it’s feeding time then you’re likely to feel even more restricted in your movements. If you live in Scotland then you’re in luck. A mother’s right to breastfeed in public has been en-shrined in the law for over year. But in England if you decide to breast-feed your baby in public you may be asked to stop in certain cafes, restaurants, and shops. Breastfeed-ing is the most natural thing in the world so I feel it shocking that this taboo still exists.

Until the British public decides to embrace breastfeeding, it’s down to you as mothers to stand your ground.

Breastfeeding in public pg3The editor’s view on the social taboo

They’re one of the dreaded side effects of pregnancy, but stretchmarks can be avoided. Try these tips to reduce your chances of getting them.

Eat HealthyMake sure your diet contains adequate sources of the nutrients essential for healthy skin. Always, keep in mind that stretch marks can occur due to nutritional deficiency. So eat foods rich in Zinc such as nuts and fish.

Regular ExerciseSimple exercises 1-2 times a week are a great way to reduce stretchmarks. But don’t workout for longer than 15 minutes as this can be harmful for you

VitaminsVitamins keep your body healthy with its complete potencies. Vitamins are also known to build up the flexibility and hydration of your skin, preventing stretchmarks

MassagingMassaging is a great tip to reduce stretchmarks. Its a natural way of stretching the skin so massage the areas where you don’t want stretch marks to come.

MoisturisingAlways buy a good quality skin moisturiser which helps you to keep your skin hy-drated for 24 hours. Massage the skin 2 daily.

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Are YOU a grandparent?Government to give greater access rights In a radical review of the family justice system grandparents are to be given rights to see their grandchildren. At the moment grandparents have held no automatic rights over access to their grandchildren if their offspring were to separate. Recent figures suggest that a lot of grandpar-ents, mostly from the father’s side, lose touch with their grandchildren after a divorce or separation. A recent study showed that over 90% of grandparents are playing a crucial role in the lives of their grandchild- whether it is financial, or helping with child care. When there is a family breakdown it is stressful for all the parties involved, but often the feelings of the grandparents go unnoticed, even though they are more often than not left profoundly affected.The concept of grandparents’ rights is a fairly recent idea. The rising divorce rate and greater longevity has contributed in the greater role of the grandparent. In previous years when grandparents were faced with the loss of their visitation rights, they sought legal help from a number of different laws and legislation. In March this year, a report set out radical proposals to enshrine in law greater access rights for grandparents when couples separate. It was reported that Ministers said that it was a scandal that there is little or no recognition of the vital role grandparents play in society. Research conducted showed that grandparents are often relied upon by family members after a spilt. They are used for help with childcare and family finances, and by older children for advice and support that they may not get from their parents. But before this new proposal shed the

light on the issue, they had no rights to maintain contact with their grandchildren after a separation. The Children Act 1989 gave access rights to step-parents after a spilt if they had lived as part of the family for three years, but this did not extend to grandparents rights. The new proposal has been met with support by campaigners for grandparents’ rights. They have been protesting for years that their roles within a family should be more widely recognised. The report also suggests that grandparents will be given greater custody rights. If the council is threatening to take the children from the parents and place them in to foster care the grandparents can apply for custody. Nevertheless fears have been expressed that new rights for grandparents to apply for contact may raise concerns that access agreements will become over-complicated. For example if a mother has to agree to maintain contact with both grandparents and an ex-partner.The rising divorce rate has prompted this pressing social issue, as rights of grandparents, historically, were not discussed as divorce was so rare. It is thought that grandparents would apply for access rights both after a divorce and a separation, where an unmarried couple has been co-habiting.

Fol low these tips to reduce those stretchmarks!

ModernParenting| Thursday May 4, 2011 Feature

Feature

InfertilityFeature and Interview

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over seven years, but after six miscarriages and a lot of disappointment we knew we needed to seek medical advice” “In 2007 we decided that IVF was the best option for Max and me. We had our first cycle free on the NHS but it was unsuccessful.”“We didn’t foresee the emotional stress that IVF would put us through. It started to feel like IVF was controlling all aspect of our lives. We wouldn’t book holidays in case I became pregnant and Max was finding the stress impacting him at work.”Max, who is a Fire-fighter in East Sussex described IVF as the most “testing experi-ence of his life”.He says “Sarah and I were desperate for a baby and after years of trying it really seemed like IVF was our last real hope.”The couple decided to attempt another cycle of IVF in 2009 and this time Sarah fell preg-nant. She gave birth to Evan in the summer of 2010.Sarah says “Even though IVF was at times emotional rollercoaster, it was all worth it in the end.”Infertility is multi- factorial, meaning that there are many, many elements that can be at the root of your fertility problems. There are a variety of different options, other than IVF, out there to help couples succeed. Surgery can be an option for some women suffering from endometriosis for example, or

Many couples believe that it is easy to get pregnant and are often left surprised that it does not happen as soon as they start trying to conceive.Over the past twenty years, fertility problems have increased dramatically. At least 25 percent of couples planning a baby will have trouble conceiving, and more and more couples are turning to fertility treatments to help them have a family.8 out of every ten women trying for a baby will fall pregnant within the first year. But even when all appears normal with the man and woman many factors can still affect fertilisa-tion, such as smoking, age, and weight. When it comes to getting pregnant the lifestyle choices you choose can greatly affect the chances of conception. A healthy, active lifestyle is vital when improving your chances of getting pregnant. It keeps you happy, physically fit and reduces stress- a major impact on a women’s fertility.For most couples, the first symptom of infertil-ity is when after a year of unprotected sex, they can’t get pregnant. But for some couples, there are early warning signs or risk factors that may hint to a fertility problem, before they try for six months to a year unsuccessfully. It is worth expressing that some people appear able to accept that they cannot conceive and adjust their lives appropriately, focusing on other things. But for most infertility can be a painful life issue to deal with and it is common for couples to seek help and advice if there is difficulty conceiving. In fact around one in six couples visit their doctor when they’re strug-gling to conceive. In vitro fertilisation (IVF) is the most common form of assisted reproductive technology used by couples to treat infertility. In fact, in vitro fertilisation accounts for over 99% of all as-sisted reproduction procedures and is a type of infertility treatment that can treat either male infertility or female infertility.

“We had our first cycle free on the NHS”

Max and Sarah Gilbert, both 35, from Bexhill East Sussex, used IVF to conceive there now 9 month old son Evan. Sarah says “We had tried to conceive naturally for

if the problem is caused by a blocked fallopian tube.Medicines can be used to stimulate hormone production.

“IVF at times was an emotional rollercoaster”

Hormones play a vital role in the conception of a baby, therefore if fertility issues are cre-ated because of hormonal imbalances of the man or woman, then healthcare professionals can supplement this.Assisted reproductive technology such as In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), Intra-cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) or Intrauterine In-semination (IUI) are suitable if you and your partner find the problem you have is one that concerns fertilization. Sometimes using assisted reproduction tech-nology a child is conceived and born, but not always. Couples are often left to deal with the grief. It is a fallacy that you don’t miss what you have never had. For couples out there struggling with the no-tion of infertility there is further help. • Infertilitynetworkuk.com Web site of The National Infertility Support Network. A membership fee allows access to chat rooms and other resources.• BICA.net Web site of the British Infertil-ity Counselling Association (BICA)

• In Britain today infertility and problems conceiving affect around 3.5 million people.

Infertility is when a couple cannot get pregnant despite having regular unprotected sex. •

A couple will only be diagnosed as being infertile if they have not managed to have a baby after two years of trying. •

Some primary care trusts offer one free IVF cycle where the woman is aged between 23 and 39.•

There are two types of infertility:•

Primary infertility, where someone who has never conceived a child in the past has difficulty conceiving. •

Secondary infertility, where a person has had one or more babies in the past, but is having difficulty conceiving again. •


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But every day I would still take him to see his birth parents at the family clinic.”There are different types of foster care depending on the needs of

both the child and their family. These include short-term care for just a few days or weeks, to long-term placements, as well as care for disabled children or children with behavioural problems.The baby was involved in an open foster place-ment. This meant that his parents were fighting to keep him in their care, and above all the parents had their rights.There would be a court case and assessments would be made of the

birth parents as to whether or not they could adequately care for a child. After 7 months the courts decided that it would not be in the best interests for the child to stay with his parents and the family soon learnt that social services would be looking for an adoptive family for the baby.Adoption is where a child legally becomes a member of a new family and has one or two new parents. If you are at least 21 years old and can provide a permanent, stable and caring home, your application to adopt will be welcomed. There is no upper age limit.Julie says “Our how family had fallen in love with our new member of the family. It felt different than the other children we had fostered, we knew he had disabilities and finding the right adoptive family for him would of been hard”.“When we became foster parents in 2004, it was never our intention to adopt a child. But as the months went by we realised as a family that it would be too painful to part with him.”In late February 2008, after the go ahead from social services, Julie and Peter Grain started the proceedings to legally adopt their new son. On the 12th June 2008 after a short court hearing it was official. “We couldn’t have been happier” says Peter “Even though we never imagined adopting a child, we wouldn’t be without him. He’s such a huge part of the family”.Julie’s sister and brother-in-law Tina and George have since become foster carers.“We were seeing first-hand what an impact Julie and Peter were hav-ing on these children’s lives” says Tina, “After our own three children had grown up and moved out, we were living in a five bedroom house just the two of us. Why not try to make a difference? There are so many children out there needing a stable environment”.If you want to know more about fostering and adoption you can visit the government’s website:www.direct.gov.uk/Adoptionfosteringandchildrenincare

When Peter and Julie Grain were handed over a 5 lb baby boy little did they know what impact he would have upon their lives. In January 2006 Julie, who at the time was 48, had been waiting for a phone call from East Sussex social services to find out whether or not a newborn baby would be placed with her family. Julie and Peter had been foster carers with a local agency for 2 years and had looked after over 15 children aged between four and 17, but this was to be the first foster baby that the family would be placed with.Julie says “I remember a sudden wave of emotions when I received the phone call. I was so excited and anxious at the same time, Pete and I had not looked after a newborn baby since our own son Andrew was born, and that was 14 years ago.”“Our friends and family were a great help, everyone rallied round and before we knew it we had a car seat, cot, bottles and bags of clothes.”Peter and Julie had brought up 3 children of their own and decided to start the application to become foster carers in the summer of 2002. Peter says “The process to become foster parents was very long-wind-ed and at times draining. Social services wanted to know everything about our lives, if we had any skeletons in the cupboard they would find out.”“Julie and I had talked about becoming foster carers for quite a few years previously. Julie herself had grown up in a foster home and al-ways knew it was something she wanted to do herself, but we decided it would be best to wait until our own children were old enough and mature enough to cope with the changes that bringing a new child into the family home would have.” The family started to make room for the new arrival they knew would be here at the end of the week. The paper work was then filled out and before they had time to fully adjust the blue -eyed baby boy was in their care.“As soon as I had him in my arms I felt a rush of love, like this pre-cious dependant little thing just needed my help” says Julie.The new chapter in the family’s life had begun, but it was not without its lows. Doctors had known when the baby was still inside the womb that things were not normal. He had been developing without a part of his brain, named the Corpus Callosum, which controls coordina-tion. His future was unforeseeable, and doubts materialised as to whether he would be able to walk, see or hear.Despite the health worries the baby soon settled into the household. Peter and Julie found their initial fears of looking after a newborn after such a gap quickly dissolved. Julie says “All my maternal instincts quickly came back. At my age I was expecting to experience sleepless nights and dirty nappies once again, but it soon became all worth it.” “The whole family were quickly becoming attached to the new baby.

AdoptionA couple from East Sussex share their experience


Julie and Peter Grain with their new son.•

Interview

Top 5 Days Out For And The

you KIDS

Knockhatch Adventure Park

Drusillas Park

Set in 40 acres of beautiful country-side, just north of Eastbourne, East Sussex.

There’s a large adventure play-ground, boating lake, go-karts, farm animal and many more!

Enjoy a fun family day out at this award-winning zoo. Situ-ated in Alfriston, East Sussex, this family run zoo is great value for money: Family of 4, £34.00.

Southport Pleasureland

Have an amazing day out and fun for all the family at South-port Pleasureland. With no en-trance fees and many fantastic rides and attractions, you’re sure to have a day you will not forget.

Flamingo Land400 acres of land in Malton home to rides for young and old children, 5 family shows and an extensive zoo, home to many rare and exotic spe-cies such as giraffes, rhinos, hippos and lions.

East Ham Nature Reserve

The 800 year old East Ham Na-ture Reserve offers the opportu-nity to enjoy nature first hand. It offers both an exciting and educational day of fun for the whole family.

Opinion Piece

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STAY AT HOME MUMS V. WORKING MUMSWhether to be a stay at home mum or go back to work after hav-ing children is a topic of conversation that is sure to invoke a pas-sionate discussion with mums all over the country. For years stay at home mums have been hailed as the best role models for their children. Yet this is fast becoming a controversial topic. In today’s society many mothers –whether it’s six months or five years down the line - will return to work, either through choice or through necessity. Others will opt to stay at home and be a full-time mum.

Many people ask whether children of working mums are at a disadvantage, missing out on bonding experience. On the other hand do they have enhanced lifestyle due to the influence of the extra cash and a ‘successful-career’ mum?

Of course there are a lot of factors to be discussed; it’s not just a straight argument as to what is better. For example: full time or part time, if you stay home, are you involved or disconnected, is the other parents or relative with the children or is there a child minder?

There’s nothing worse you could say or do to a mum that would hurt her as much as suggesting she is not doing the right thing by her children. To undermine her parenting choices is sure to create a negative reaction.

Motherhood, for all its well documented joys, has its struggles. Financial issues face most new parents as they underestimate the amount of money it costs to bring up a child. Research published last year suggested that the average cost of raising a child up to the age of 21 is as much as £200,000. Many mothers simply have no choice financially but to work after having their children, as well as their partners.

There are many advantages and disadvantages of being both a stay-at-home and a working mum. The working mum wishes

she had more free time to be available to her child, and she has to come to terms with potentially missing out on milestones. Another is the inevitable guilt that plagues so many working mothers, it’s the worry that they are not seeing enough of their children and the thought that potentially someone else is bringing up their child. Nevertheless some working mums would argue that they are setting a good example to their children, because they feel that they are encouraging them to go out and earn a living once they themselves become parents.

Also another benefit of being a working mother can be the impact it has on the relationship with husband or partner. Being able to contribute financially to family life can help the feeling equality in the household.

The non-working mother would maybe like to have something that’s a reflection of her as an individual. To show that she is a capable, and a creative person who knows about more than just maternal instincts. Many stay-at-home mothers crave adult conver-sation and the mental stimulation a job brings. But of course the qualities of being a stay-at-home mum are obvious, most notice-ably the time the mother gets to spend with their child can make it easier for her to bond with him. She will be there to witness those


Denise Van Outen. Courtesy of www.christianthelionprints.com•

Flamingo Land

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C KE RGingerbread Cookie Recipe

•Grease a cookie sheet with butter shortening.•On a lightly floured surface roll the dough to 1/8 inch thick for 2 and 1/2 round cookies.

•Cut dough with your cookie cutters.

•Place cookies 1 inch apart on baking sheet.

•Bake round cookies for 6 minutes. The edges of cookies should be lightly browned.

•Cool cookies for 1 minute on cookie sheet then transfer to wire rack and cool completely.

•Heat oven to 375 degrees.Mix shortening in a mixing bowl on high speed for 30 seconds.

•Add sugar, baking powder, ginger, baking soda, cinnamon, and cloves.

•Mix until combined, scraping bowl occasionally then mix in the molasses, egg, and vinegar until well combined.

•Mix in as much flour as you can with the mixer then stir in remaining flour.

•Divide dough in half. Cover with plastic wrap, and chill for at least 4 hours. Time: 10 mins Serves: 6

Y

She also said that going back to work allowed her husband musi-cal star Lee Mead, to improve his relationship with their daughter.

Controversially, the Prime Minister David Cameron, well known for his pro-family agenda, was hit with criticism in October last year, as he announced plans to strip stay-at-home mothers of their child benefits. It will mean that any couple with one earner paid more than the £44,000 higher-rate tax threshold will lose their child benefit, even if the other stays at home and has no income.

This is sure to rock the boat when it comes to the stay-at-home or work debate. Many mothers enjoy the luxury of being able to stay at home with their children because of clever financial plan-ning.

As with most life choices there is no right or wrong decision, just the preference of the individual. No one has the right to make the mother feel guilty for going back to work nor the right to belittle her for deciding to be a stay-at-home mother.

all-important milestones, from the child’s first steps to his first word.

It’s in no denial that society and parenthood has changed dramati-cally over the years. Forty years ago, mothers who stayed at home and raised their children instead of going out to work were the norm. Many women are now placing having a career more impor-tant than have children. Even if the working woman does decide to have a child there are now so many more childcare opportunities, such as a child minder, au pair, or nursery. Also the family structure has seen changes, and many women are the main breadwinners of the household. So after having children it is the father who stays at home to look after them.

This issue has been highlighted in the media recently by Denise Van Outen. The 36-year- old presenter said that she believed becoming a working mum had helped her become a “better” parent.

Van Outen told ITV’s This Morning “ I have been heavily criticised for going back to work so soon after having my daughter Betsy. But it’s my choice to work, I’m very lucky to be in a job that I very much love.”


What you will need...

1/2 cup Butter Shortening1/2 cup Sugar1 teaspoon Baking Powder1 teaspoon Ground Ginger1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda1/2 teaspoon Ground Cinnamon1/2 teaspoon Ground Cloves1/2 cup Molasses1 large Egg1 tablespoon Vinegar2 1/2 cups All-Purpose Flour

SMA Infant Milk- Essential Nutrients for your baby

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