PARENTING: THE CO-PARENTING Way

Jeffrey Radjam Counsellor

MISSION

To prevent as far as possible, the

detrimental effects of parental

conflicts with the active participation

of the parents

VISION

All children are in a safe environment with

positive relationships, especially with their

parents

SERVICES

1. Supervised Access/ Supervised Transfer

2. Counselling

3. Group Pogrammes

• Parents Information Programme

SUPERVISED ACCESS

SUPERVISED TRANSFER

One-way Transfer Two-wayTransfer

Parent with care & control

Visiting parent

Child

Centre

Parent with care & control

Visiting parent

Child

Centre

Parent with care & control

Centre / Worker

Child

Visiting parent

COUNSELLING

Offered either concurrently to the

supervised access or independently

of the access. Pertaining to access

matters only

GROUP PROGRAMME

1. Mother’s Group

2. Father’s Group

3. Children’s Group

4. Combined Group

Parents Information Programme A 4-hour programme to help those contemplating, separated / divorced parents understand the importance of co-parenting and its positive affects on children.

The programme covers: • Possible effects of parental

conflict on children.

• Emotional aspects related to post-separation/divorce.

• Ways to minimize conflict during communication with the other parent.

• Ways to support your children

For enquiries, please email us at radjam@thkmc.org.sg

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Understand how the process of separation and divorce affects the parents and the children.

Provides parents with a different perspective on parenting after separation or divorce.

Identify various approaches to help the children adjust during the transition.

Communicating with the other parent.

Understand the importance of establishing quality and periodic contact with the children after separation or divorce.

Achieve positive outcomes for both parents and children.

Children’s psychological reactions to their parents’ divorce depends on:

CO-PARENTING AFTER SEPARATION / DIVORCE

What is co-parenting?

• “Co” means COOPERATION

• Both Mother & Father have

EQUAL ROLE to play in their

child / children’s lives

• Child / children to build

relationship with BOTH parents

Keys to successful co-parenting • Get past the hurt & pain of the divorce. Forge a

new functional relationship

• Respect the other parent’s decisions &

parenting style. Don’t argue in front of the child

• Keep the child’s needs first

CO-PARENTING AFTER SEPARATION / DIVORCE

Why is co-parenting an option?

• Children recognize that they are

more important than the conflict

• Parents still love them despite

the changing circumstances

• Children with cooperative

divorced parents:

Feel secure

Benefit from consistency

Better problem solving

skills

Healthy example to follow

CO-PARENTING AFTER SEPARATION / DIVORCE

Joint parenting arrangements, especially after an acrimonious split, does not have to be exhausting & infuriating

• Marriage may be over. Family has not

ended.

• Make the best interest of the children the

parents’ most important priority

DISSOLVED DUOS

Co-Parenting Parenting Pals They establish a parenting plan that is in the “best interests of the child.” They are flexible and have respect for each other Co-operative Colleagues They still do not necessarily like each other, but they respect one another as parents. They can separate their parenting from their partnering issues.

Parallel Parenting Angry Associates They do not know how to emotionally disengage. They are always in a power struggle. They are always angry and quarrelling. Fiery Foes

Each parent dislike each other. Their behaviour is always an emotional and physical risk to the child.

Parallel Parenting is for

Who do not get along

Are highly reactive to each other

Feel very uncomfortable in each other’s

presence Do not wish to have any contact with each other

Having a Personal

Protection Order

Unable to co-operate when

parenting

No interaction with each other

Detailed schedule nothing left to interpretation

Major decisions are communicated and not discussed

Messages are emailed, faxed or sent through phone. No face-to-face communication

Each party bears responsibility for getting information about the child for themselves.

How does Parallel Parenting Work?

Children caught in the middle :Do not use children as messengers ( forget, distort misunderstand your message) Do not say negative things about the other parent Do not make them feel like they have to choose Children have a right to a relationship with both parents that is free from influence

Children’s point of view

Special time with each parent & extended family

Need to have contact with both parents

School holidays

Children thrive on family traditions and celebrations.

TIPS FOR CONTACT

Listen to the children

Do not blame them for rejection

Not to criticize /

blame one another in front of the

children

Remind them of the good times they had with the

other parent

Children are resilient

They can live with different family rules

t

They are torn between a desire to love both parents and the need to earn approval of one parent