tools of engagement: teaching nonviolent discipline skills...
TRANSCRIPT
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
Tools of Engagement: Teaching Nonviolent Discipline Skills,
Mindfulness, And Moreto Parents
Dr. Michael Popkin2018 FL Child Protection
Summit, September 5-7, 2018
Beyond what NOT to do;Towards engaging parents in learning
what TO DO
Tools of Engagement:
1. Parenting Education:– Small Group courses
– Home visits
– Online learning
– Combinations of the above
Beyond what NOT to do;Towards engaging parents in learning
what TO DO
We’ve made a sort of deal with mother nature. Our children will be difficult to raise, but their capacity for learning will enhance the survivability of the species.
Jacob Bernowski,
The Accent of Man
Why Parenting Education?
1. Parenting isn’t the only influence on a child’s development, but it’s the one we can do the most about.
2. Parenting is both difficult AND important…
And potentially very rewarding.
Michael Popkin
Founder, Active Parenting Publishers
Tools to Engage parents in parenting education:
• Skills that work (sound theory, evidence of effectiveness)
• Video-based (show before tell)
• Slide support with embedded video
• Leader’s Guide and Parent’s Guide
• Experiential activity
• A climate of support, encouragement and fun.
• A leader with good facilitations skills
Tools for parents to use in engaging their children in cooperative behavior:
Skills and Attitudes
• Non-violent Discipline
• Relationship building skills
• Anger management (eg. Mindfulness)
• Communication
• Problem solving
• Brain development
• And more…
© 2014 Active Parenting Publishers. All rights reserved.
To protect and prepare children
to survive and thrive
in the in which they will live.
The Purpose of Parenting
society
High Tech
Diverse
Democratic
SLIDES 3a-bLeader’s Guide: page xx
© 2014 Active Parenting Publishers. All rights reserved.
Styles of Parenting
Leader’s Guide: page 40 SLIDES 16a-b
Freedom within E X P A N D I N G Limits
Doormat Active ParentDictator
© 2014 Active Parenting Publishers. All rights reserved.
Extended Styles of Parenting
(Parental Control Continuum)
Neglectful Doormat Active Dictator Abusive
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Stay away from the extremes
and move towards the middle.
Too muchToo little
© 2014 Active Parenting Publishers. All rights reserved.
Risk indicators in parents who abuse children
• Inappropriate Expectations of Children
• Low Level of Parental Empathy towards
children
• Strong Belief in the Value of Corporal
Punishment
• Reverses Family Roles
• Restricts Power and Independence in Children
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
Discipline Vs. Hurting
Leader’s Guide page(s): 82-83SLIDE 53A-C
“Too hard” parents sometimes
yell
curse
threaten
shake
hit or spank
= HURTING
Two-Hand Activity
1. Pairs2. A-B3. What happened when?4. What do we learn from this?
Note: Always process activities afterwards…
“Children learn from experience; adults learn from processing experiences.”
The Method of Choice
• Teaches children to use their power “within limits.”
• Teaches respect, problem solving, responsibility, cooperation
• Avoids power struggles, hurt, anger, and retaliation
• Younger kids: either A or B, you choose.
• Older kids: Open ended within limits
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
A Note about Disciplining Kids
Leader’s Guide page(s): 79SLIDE 52A-B
Children have lousy brakes.
Give them time to stop
© 2014 Active Parenting Publishers.
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers. Leader’s Guide page(s): 84SLIDE 54
The stronger the bond,
the easier the discipline.
Discipline
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers. Leader’s Guide page(s): 85-86SLIDE 55A-C
Rules = Limits
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
Why do parents set rules?
Leader’s Guide page(s): 86SLIDE 56
▪ To protect children
▪ To keep children from having to make
choices they’re not ready for
▪ To get them ready for life in a world
of rules
▪ To make parenting easier and
more effective
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
The When-Then Rule
Leader’s Guide page(s): 89-91SLIDE 58A-D
Your Problem:
Getting kids to eat their vegetables
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
“I know you
like to explore
things.”
“But the
refrigerator
is not for you
to play in.”
“Why don’t we
set up a special
drawer.”
A-C-T:
Leader’s Guide page(s): 92-95SLIDE 59A-E
Accept the child’s feelings.
Communicate the
rule or limit.
Target a positive
choice.
A:
C:
T:
The ACT Method
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
“I know you
like to explore
things.”
“But the
refrigerator
is not for you
to play in.”
“Why don’t we
set up a special
drawer.”
A-C-T:
Leader’s Guide page(s): 92-95SLIDE 59A-E
Accept the child’s feelings.
Communicate the
rule or limit.
Target a positive
choice.
A:
C:
T:
The ACT Method
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
1. Get eye to eye with the child.
2. Point or move to the positive
choice.
3. If necessary, move the child
(staying firm and friendly).
Actions, Not Words
Leader’s Guide page(s): 95SLIDE 60
© 2014 Active Parenting Publishers.
Use your temper. Don’t lose your temper.
Anger: For Better of for Worse
Leader’s Guide: page 168 SLIDE 70
Anger can be useful!
© 2014 Active Parenting Publishers.
Using Anger Positively
Leader’s Guide: page 169 SLIDE 71
1. Acknowledge your anger
early.
2. Pause and think about what
is triggering it.
3. Act to self-calm
4. Act to solve the problem.
…or…
Act to change your thinking
about the problem.
DO THINK
EVENT
FEEL
PAUSE
© 2014 Active Parenting Publishers.
Helping Your Child Use Anger Positively
Leader’s Guide: page 170 SLIDE 72
▪ Be a good role model.
▪ Teach acceptable ways to express anger.
▪ Use the FLAC method.
▪ Take your sails out of your child’s wind.
▪ Teach self-calming techniques.
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
Introduction to Mindfulness
Leader’s Guide page(s): 44SLIDE 27
Mindfulness is:
▪ Paying attention
▪ Fully
▪ In the present moment
▪ On purpose
It helps us:
▪ Calm down by moving
THROUGH strong feelings.
▪ Manage stress.
▪ Stay present – in
relationships and in life.
▪ Be better parents! (Children benefit
from being with us at OUR BEST!)
MINDFUL
MOMENT
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
The Mind Jar
Leader’s Guide page(s): 45SLIDE 28
Let’s start with the MIND JAR.
▪ Imagine that the jar
represents our minds.
▪ Right now it is in a relaxed,
calm state.
▪ But at times, daily life as
a parent can be pretty
stressful.
MINDFUL
MOMENT
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
The Mind Jar
Leader’s Guide page(s): 46SLIDE 29
When the liquid is
stirred up…
▪ How does the jar look?
▪ These are the thoughts
and distractions that
stress us.
MINDFUL
MOMENT
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers.
The Mind Jar
Leader’s Guide page(s): 46SLIDE 30
Bringing your attention back to the room:
▪ How does the mind jar look now?
▪ All those thoughts and feelings are still there.
▪ But they rest at the bottom.
▪ You may choose which to think about – one at a time, if you like!
MINDFUL
MOMENT
© 2017 Active Parenting Publishers. Leader’s Guide page(s): 74SLIDE 48
Butterfly
Breath
MINDFUL MOMENT
Relaxation & Breathing
Techniques
Windy
Woods
Balloon
Breath
© 2014 Active Parenting Publishers.
For a FREE Parent’s Guide of your choice
And a chance to win a FREE Program
Come by our booth between nowAnd
12:30 PM
For more info about Active Parenting 800-825-0060
www.activeparenting.com