the complete guide to anger management week 10complete...anger management week 10 ... allow yourself...

© 2011 All rights reserved. John Schinnerer, Ph.D. Guide To Self, Inc.

John L. Schinnerer, Ph.D. Guide To Self, Inc.

www.GuideToSelf.com http://drjohnblog.guidetoself.com http://drjohnsblog.wordpress.com

The Complete Guide to Anger Management

Week 10

http://www.guidetoself.com/

http://drjohnblog.guidetoself.com/

http://drjohnsblog.wordpress.com/


Use All Words But One to Make a Meaningful Sentence

Example: worthy am I enough

= ‘I am enough.’ Or ‘I am worthy.’



feel happy am and I content



kind people are good generally



our happiness is within contentment

control



I serenity approach life with calmness


The Best Anger Management Program:

1. Anger facts – a powerful knowledge base regarding what anger is

and tools to turn down the volume on it (Weeks 1 and 2)

2. Stress management – understanding what stress is and new ways

to relate to it (Week 3)

3. Assertiveness training – ways to be more appropriately assertive

so anger doesn’t build over time (Weeks 4 and 5)

4. Emotional awareness – education to increase awareness of

negative emotions in the moment (Weeks 6, 7 & 8)

5. Substitutes for anger – Positive psychology. Paths to happiness;

positive emotions; meaning (Weeks 9 & 10)

Framework for Managing Anger


Father of Psychology

“Every good worth possessing

must be paid for in strokes of

daily effort.”

- William James


So What Is Positive Psych?

Where traditional psychology has

focused on what is wrong with us,

positive psychology focuses on what is

right with us.

Positive psychology focuses on your

strengths, your positive attributes, your

positive emotions.


Positive Psych as Offense in Football

Imagine your favorite football team.

Your team has a great defense.

However, they also have a terrible

offense.


Focus on Intentional Activities

Intentional activities refer to the intentional and

effortful practices in which a person engages. Such

as…

Cognitive (i.e., such as learning a more optimistic or

positive attitude),

Behavioral (i.e., regularly opening doors for others,

or frequent physical exercise), or

Volitional (i.e., you identify and work towards

meaningful personal goals).


Awareness

It’s about intentional

AWARENESS

The foundation of this is

knowing more about

each of the major

positive emotions exist

so you can mindfully

cultivate and

savor them all


10 Types of Positive Emotions

1. Love

2. Joy

3. Gratitude

4. Serenity

5. Interest

6. Hope

7. Pride

8. Amusement

9. Inspiration

10.Awe

Pride


Joy

To experience joy you need to be in safe and

familiar surroundings.

When you are joyous, things are going better

than you expected.

There is little effort required.

Joy makes you feel playful, younger

Joy makes you want to get involved.


Gratitude

Gratitude comes when you truly appreciate something

that comes your way as a gift to be treasured.

The ‘gift’ might come in the form of one’s time, a

physical object, money, a gesture, a favor or an

intention.

This means you have to be aware that something is

being given to you and that is a gift.

Great book on this is Thanks! By

Robert Emmons Gratitude


Serenity

Serenity – A low-key and relaxed emotion

Serenity occurs when your current circumstances are

comfortable and feel right

Serenity can be cultivated by practicing mindfulness – an

actively aware state that brings the urge to savor your

surroundings

Serenity is an afterglow emotion…it often follows on the heels

of other positive emotions

Peacefulness, tranquility

Serenity


Interest

Interest – when something new or different draws your

attention fills you with a sense of possibility or

mystery

Interest requires increased effort and attention

Similar to utter fascination

When you are pulled to explore

new challenges

Interest


Hope

Hope – comes into play when circumstances are dire

and there is considerable uncertainty about the future

Hope is based on belief that things can change and

that YOU can change.

Hope is not denial. Hope is not powerless. Hope is

not simplistic positive thinking. Hope is not painting

over problems.

Hope arises from a combination of thought and

emotion.


Benefits of Hope

Your high hopes are associated with…

…Increased chance of accomplishing your

goals

…Less depression and anxiety

…Increased pain tolerance

…More healthy behaviors

…Lower risk of cardiovascular disease

…Greater growth after trauma


3 Elements of Hope

Rick Snyder has identified 3 elements of

hope…

1) Goals –something for which to hope

2) Pathways – a plan to get to your goal

3) Agency – the will to act; energy; motivation;

belief

Hopeful people do not play the blame game

Instead, hopeful people ask, ‘What now?’


How to Increase Hope

1. Don’t be afraid to hope!

2. Set personally meaningful goals

3. Be aware of where hope falls short

(Is it your path to get there or is it energy

and motivation?)

4. Allow yourself time to daydream


How to Increase Hope

Hope is the thing with feathers that

perches in the soul, and sings the

tune without words, and never stops

at all.

Emily Dickinson


Pride

Pride comes after an achievement that is valued

by society, valued by your community

You want to share good news with others

Pride fuels your motivation to achieve

Proud folks are more likely to persist on

difficult tasks


Inspiration

Inspiration occurs when you see true human

excellence

Inspiration uplifts you

It rivets your attention

It warms your heart

It creates the urge in you to do your very best

There is a sense of expansiveness in the chest


Movies for Inspiration

300

Akeelah and the Bee

Amelie

American Beauty

Braveheart

Celestine Prophecy

Cinderella Man

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Fearless

Finding Neverland

Gandhi

Hero

House of Flying Daggers

Ip Man 2

Lion King

Lord of the Rings (any)

Matrix (any)

Peaceful Warrior

Rocky

Rocky Balboa

Star Wars (any)


Amusement

Amusement and Laughter

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are

interested and the frog dies.” E.B. White

Amusement, humor and laughter are largely social which

partially explains the importance of relationships – they are

where we have the opportunity to laugh and be amused.

It happens primarily when we are with others AND feel safe.

Laughter is highly contagious.

Often it arises from non-serious social incongruities…

like a toddler with an adult expression…


Amusement


Wonder

Wonder and Awe happen when you witness

goodness on a massive scale

You feel part of something larger than yourself

The boundaries melt away

Interestingly, awe is often tinged with fear as the

scale of what you are witnessing is so large

that it dwarves your life by comparison.


Rest Your Eyes, Heal Your Soul Gaze at Nature – Practice Awe


Love

Love is a combination of all of the positive emotions –

interest, amusement, laughter, joy, peacefulness,

gratitude, inspiration, pride, hope and wonder.

Love occurs when you feel safe and comfortable with

someone.

Love takes place when all your masks fade away and

you feel as if you are totally, authentically yourself.


Love

Interest

Amusement

Joy

Hope

Serenity

Gratitude

Pride

Inspiration

Awe

LOVE


Realism vs. Happiness

“It is not the job of Positive Psychology to tell you

that you should be optimistic, or spiritual, or kind ..

.; it is rather to describe the consequences of these

traits (for example, that being optimistic brings

about less depression, etc.) at a cost perhaps of

less realism.”

- Martin Seligman, Ph.D., founder of positive psychology

movement


The Donkey and the Farmer


Action Step #19: Personal Mission Statement

Some of you may have experience with writing your own

personal mission statement. However, this is a little different

than in the past. I’m going to walk you through this exercise.

You can pause the video when you need. And the impact of

this on your life is, quite honestly, tremendous.

You’ll need about 45 minutes, some paper and pen, and a

quiet space where you can think without interruption.

To download this exercise, please click on the link entitled

“Action Step #19 – Personal Mission Statement” below this

video.


The question is… HOW do you begin to

actively cultivate more frequent, more intense

and longer lasting positive emotions?

You know that positive emotions are fleeting

and fragile.

You know that they can be disrupted by over-

thinking.

So what to do?

Action Step #20: Positive Emotion Portfolio


Summary

Positive psychology focuses on your strengths, your positive

attributes, and your positive emotions.

The top positive emotions are love, joy, gratitude, serenity,

interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration and love.

The goal is to increase the ratio of positive emotions relative

to negative emotions.

Remind yourself “I am enough.”

After a mistake, don’t look to blame. Instead ask, “What

now?”

Do the action steps for this week.


John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Author of Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought

Ph.D. in Ed. Psychology from Cal

Advisory Board of PsychCentral.com

Blog, Shrunken Mind (www.DrJohnBlog.GuideToSelf.com), awarded top 3 in positive psychology and top 100 blog on web by Daily Reviewer

Guide To Self – coach, author, speaker, trainer, hosted over 200 prime time radio shows

[email protected]

Awarded Best

Self-help

Book of Year

mailto:[email protected]

the complete guide to anger management week 10complete...anger management week 10 ... allow yourself...

Documents