the complete guide to anger management: week 7 · antidote the happiness contentment is to anger ....

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www.GuideToSelf.com 1 © 2010-11 All rights reserved. John Schinnerer, Ph.D. www.GuideToSelf.com 1 © 2010-11 All rights reserved. John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

John L. Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Guide To Self, Inc. www.GuideToSelf.com

http://drjohnblog.guidetoself.com http://drjohnsblog.wordpress.com

The Complete Guide to Anger Management:

Week 7

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www.GuideToSelf.com 2 © 2010-11 All rights reserved. John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

Use All Words But One to Make a Meaningful Sentence

Example:

understand I myself love

= ‘I understand myself.’ Or ‘I love myself.’




peaceful happy am and often content I




antidote the happiness

contentment is to anger



overpowering anger

not overwhelming

is




manage can anger

I my irritability




The Best Anger Management Program:

1. Anger facts – a powerful knowledge base regarding what anger is

and tools to turn down the volume on it (Weeks 1 and 2)

2. Stress management – understanding what stress is and new ways

to relate to it (Week 3)

3. Assertiveness training – ways to be more appropriately assertive

so anger doesn’t build over time (Weeks 4 and 5)

4. Emotional awareness – education to increase awareness of

negative emotions in the moment (Weeks 6 and 7)

5. Substitutes for anger – paths to happiness as a partial substitute for

anger

Framework for Managing Anger



Recognizing Anxiety/Fear

Blood rushes to arms and legs to flee or freeze

Shallow breathing Constricted throat Perceived lack of control Tight chest Brain freeze No clarity of thought Review Week 3 for more info

on anxiety & stress



My First Panic Attack

Do you remember the movie ‘Airplane!’?

That’s a good picture of a panic attack!



The Anger Formula

Anger = Stress x Triggers

A Result of Perceptions & Emotions

A Result of Negative Thoughts



Trigger Thoughts

He knows better than that. She knows she should keep quiet while I’m on the phone. They are doing this to drive me crazy. They have no respect for this house. He’s purposely ignoring me. She’s doing it to annoy me. You’re defying me. I can’t stand this.

I’m being manipulated. He’s lazy, stupid, cruel, bratty, spoiled, oppositional, etc. You’re deliberately being mean, nasty, selfish, etc. You’re getting out of hand. How dare you? You turn everything into a fight… You’re taking advantage of me. You never listen to me.



Fear–Based Thoughts

I’m not good enough I’m not smart enough I’m not handsome enough I’m not tough enough I’m not fast enough I’m not rich enough I’m not tall enough I’m not strong enough I’m not beautiful enough I’m not enough I’m not ____________ enough



Types of Trigger Thoughts

1.) Assumed Intent He knows better than that. She knows she should keep quiet while I’m on the phone. You don’t care how I feel. 2.) Magnification I can’t stand this. This behavior is inexcusable. 3.) Labeling He’s an ass. She’s just lazy. He’s a spoiled brat. 4.) Fear-based I’m not _________ enough. Your job…Become aware of these thoughts. Challenge them.



Recognizing Sadness

Sadness is insidious.

It comes in quietly and slowly oftentimes.

It may take over your perception of reality without you even being aware of it.

Over time, sadness becomes ‘depression.’

Depression makes you more pessimistic, irritable, and negative.



These are questions from an actual

depression test.

Instructions: Think about last week.

Now think about how well you match up with

the following statements.

There are no right or wrong answers.

Get out a piece of paper to write on.

A 10 Item Depression Screening



Think about the past week…

1.I talked less than usual.

2.I felt lonely.

3.I felt people disliked me.

4.I felt I am just as good as other

people

5.I felt depressed.

1 = Not like me 2 = Somewhat like me 3 = Very much like me



Think about the past week…

6. I felt hopeful about the future.

7. My sleep was restless.

8. I was happy.

9. I could not “get going.”

10. I felt irritable.

1 = Not like me 2 = Somewhat like me 3 = Very much like me



15% of adults in U.S. will become clinically depressed in their lifetime.

Of the other 85%, 50% will report experiencing minor depression occasionally, usually as a result of crisis, death of loved one, career failure or financial loss.

The age at which we are seeing depressive episodes is declining so we’re seeing younger folks present with depression.

The World Health Organization (WHO) predicts that by 2020 depression will be the 2nd leading cause of mortality in the world, affecting 30% of adults.

Depression Stats



Allow Your Sadness R o o m To Be

• Trouble crying/accessing sadness.

• Often, we numb rather than feel.

• Cortisol in tears.

• One way to dump the bucket.

• No shame in sadness.

• Takes courage to express it.



1. Listen to the self-compassion guided meditation once a day for 8 weeks.

2. The goal is to reprogram your negative, self-defeating, self-loathing thoughts into supportive, calming thoughts.

3. It takes time. Research supports this exercise.

4. Repeat daily!

Action Step #13: Self-Compassion Meditation



The idea of post-traumatic growth (PTG). Refers to the positive life changes that occur for many people

following a traumatic life event. There are still residue of PTSD – stress, images, anxiety,

flashbacks, etc. PTG requires severe crisis rather than mere stress PTG accompanied by real life changes (not mere illusion) Experienced as an outcome vs. a coping skill Requires a shattering of basic beliefs re: one’s life and the

world and a subsequent rebuilding of framework Paradoxes: My struggle/loss has produced something of value. I am more vulnerable, yet stronger.

Post-Traumatic Growth



1. On paper, jot down those events in your past about which you feel sad, guilty, ashamed, anxious, or angry.

2. For each event, come up with a hidden, positive meaning which you can extract.

3. It may take some thinking & pondering.

Action Step #14: Find Your Post-Traumatic Growth



If I can withstand that, I can survive anything. Shows how resilient you are – increased sense of capacities Uncover hidden psychological strengths (e.g. honor,

compassion, courage, perseverance) Drawing strength from adversity Appreciating life/positive emotions/relationships more Substantial transformative life change Find out who real friends are – discover best & worst in others Greater trust in others; spiritual development Helpfulness of others; improved relationships Greater sense of compassion and belonging More comfortable with vulnerability and intimacy Life is more meaningful

Action Step #14: Possible Positive Meanings



John Schinnerer, Ph.D.

– Author of Guide To Self: The Beginner’s Guide to Managing Emotion and Thought

– Ph.D. in Ed. Psychology from Cal

– Advisory Board of PsychCentral.com

– Blog, Shrunken Mind (www.DrJohnBlog.GuideToSelf.com), awarded top 3 in positive psychology and top 100 blog on web by Daily Reviewer

– Guide To Self – coach, author, speaker, trainer, hosted over 200 prime time radio shows

Awarded Best Self-help Book of Year

the complete guide to anger management: week 7 · antidote the happiness contentment is to anger ....

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