Women's and Children's Health Network

Anger - being the boss of your anger Kids' Health Topic

Being the boss of your anger

Sometimes you just get so angry that you feel like you are going to burst! It may seem like your anger will be the boss of you, instead of you being the boss of your anger.

What can you do to work through that anger and keep yourself and others safe?

Take a deep breath and breathe out hard.

Count to 10 slowly in your mind before you open your mouth. Count another 10 if you are

still feeling out of control. Stop and think about what to do or say, then make a good choice.

Walk away and go somewhere else until you've thought about what you can do.

Use your words to tell your feelings. Never hurt someone with your hands, feet or by what you say.

Say what you feel in a firm voice, not a loud shouting voice.

Sometimes you need to do something to get those angry feelings out.

Some ways of getting out the anger.

Squeeze a pillow, a ball or your jumper really hard and say to yourself that you are squeezing out your anger.

Try taking some deep breaths until you feel your heart slow back down again.

Go for a fast walk or run somewhere safe until you feel calmer.

Sometimes anger can be useful.

Use your anger to do a chore that you really hate, e.g. cleaning up your bedroom,

sweeping, mowing or cleaning up the shed. You get rid of your anger and can feel good about getting that chore done too.

Listen to some music and dance really hard.

Listen to some soothing music, lie on the floor and do some relaxation exercises. ('Bridge over troubled water' always works for me but then I'm a lot older than you are.)

Talk to someone you trust about how you feel.

What works for you?

When you're feeling calmer

Think - is this your problem or someone else's? If it's theirs, tell them so in a quiet voice and walk away. Or, if something you are doing is a problem for someone else, see if you can work out a solution.

o If it's your problem then you need to deal with it.

Is this a minor drama or a major drama?

Minor drama. If it's really not worth worrying about, then forget it. Major drama. If it's a really big problem ask yourself some questions.

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http://www.kids.cyh.com Last updated: February 2011

o Can you deal with it yourself?

o Do you need some help looking for ways to deal with the problem?

After you have thought about these things, work out what you are going to do to sort things out with the person or situation that started your angry feelings.

Keeping yourself safe from other people's anger

If you live with someone who gets very angry, you can often recognise when they're getting angry.

The best way to avoid their anger being turned on you is by not being there.

Get out of their way.

Stay calm.

Don't talk.

Don't get angry yourself.

Don't shout.

Tell a trusted adult if you feel unsafe.

See our topic on Keeping yourself safe from child abuse for more ideas.

A Avoid. Don't let your anger or the anger of others control you.

N Never use your body or your voice to hurt others.

G Get away so that you manage your anger safely.

E Evaluate. Think about your choices, and then make a choice, which keeps you and others safe.

R Responsible. You are responsible for your feelings. No-one can make you angry, you allow yourself to become angry.

What works for you?

These are ways in which some kids control their anger.

"I go to my room and scream in the pillow".

"I go away by myself to think".

"When I get angry I run outside and kick the footy (football) or I go in my room and do wrestling moves with my toy monkey".

"I am very mad I feel very bad

My face is red I might go to bed."

"When I am angry I lie on my bed and listen to my radio or have a sleep".

"I go for a real fast bike-ride or I ride on my roller blades".

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http://www.kids.cyh.com Last updated: February 2011

Dr Kim says

Anger can be a useful emotion. People get angry about injustice and this has led to lots of good things happening in the world. If you can get rid of angry feelings without hurting

yourself or others, then you can learn to use your anger and not let it use you.

Anger I feel so angry I want to scream and shoutI want to punch and kick

And throw myself about I want to run and run Until my anger's out

But, I'm going to stay here Maybe sulk a bit and pout Count to ten, then slowly

Breathe the anger out.

BH