February 2013Issue 5, Volume 21

The The Child AdvocateChild Advocate

Nurturing Your Children

Are We Raising an Entitled Generation of Children?

How to Motivate Your Kids

Successful Parenting: What Every Parent Needs to Know

Helping Kids Develop ConfidenceandOptimism

The Child Advocate is published online every month from September through May by the Washington State PTA, 2003 65th Avenue West, Tacoma, WA 98466-6215, (253) 565-2153. Contributors are welcome. Call the State PTA office for guidelines. Whenever PTA is used it also refers to PTSA. PTA is a registered trademark of the National Congress of Parents and Teachers.

Novella Fraser, Washington State PTA PresidentKirk Miller, Interim Executive Director

Karen Fisker-Andersen, Editor

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Contents:66

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Website: www.wastatepta.org

Email: wapta@wastatepta.org

Phone: (253) 565-2153 or

1-800-562-3804

Fax: (253) 565-7753

a Washington State PTA parent involvement publication

Washington State PTA

2003 65th Avenue West

Tacoma, WA 98466-6215

Child AdvocateThe VISION: “Making every child’s potential a reality.”

MISSION: PTA is:n A powerful voice for all children,n A relevant resource for families and communities, andn A strong advocate for the well-being and education of every child.

The Washington State PTA accomplishes the mission of PTA by:• Speaking on behalf of children and youth in the schools, in the community, and before governmental bodies and other organizations that make decisions affecting children; • Supporting parents* in developing skills to raise, protect and advocate for their children; • Encouraging parent*, teacher, student and community involvement; • Promoting opportunities for positive outcomes for children; and • Being a financially stable, well-managed organization that promotes diversity, provides quality service, models best practices and values its members and employees.

*Parent may include adults who play an important role in a child’s family life since other adults (grandparents, aunts, uncles, or guardians) may carry the primary responsibility for a child’s health, welfare, education and safety.

The first thing parents can do to nurture their children is to establish balance in their lives. If parents are doing too much and are constantly tired, irritable and overworked, they cannot be the kind of parent, em-ployee, volunteer, friend and spouse that they would like to be.

s Prioritize. Start prioritizing the activities in your life by writing a list of all your roles/things in your life you do. Next, write some realistic goals for each of these areas. List your most important goals for each category first. Don’t forget to write goals for your taking

care of yourself in your list--such as eating healthy meals and exercis-ing regularly. Try to accomplish the first few goals in each area of your life each week and try not to worry about the things that didn’t make it to the top of your list. For example, your top goals for the housework might be to keep up on the dishes and laundry, which might mean you are not be able to vacuum as often as you’d like. To address the things on your list that you can’t get to, consider paying your children to do some extra chores around the house.

s Simplify. Make a double batch of dinner when you are cooking and store the other batch in the freezer for a day you are too busy to cook. Carpool with other families whenever possible to avoid some of the running around. Keep a donation bin next to your laundry hamper so you can easily sort out clothing and toys that are no longer used.

s Delegate. Hire your child or a neighborhood child to mow your grass. In your volunteer positions, form committees so the work can be spread out among other people.

These are just a few suggestions to get you started on leading a more balanced and healthy lifestyle. n

3 Steps to Balance Your Life

The Child Advocate, February 2013 3

There is a troubling trend of children growing up with an entitlement mentality today. If you take an honest look, you may even see it creeping into your own lives. Many children now expect a participation trophy whenever they are on a sports team or treats at the conclusion of every game; they may expect a goody bag whenever they go to a birthday party; teens may expect parents to buy them the latest phone or game system or a pair of expensive designer jeans.

There are many factors contributing to this growing trend. Advertising, of course, constantly sends kids messages that suggest they need certain products to be socially accepted by their peers and to be happy. Televi-sion shows and movies may also send these messages.

The emergence of social media is another contributing factor to this sense of entitlement. Kids sometimes develop an over-inflated view of themselves when they have hundreds of “friends”on their friend list. Even though most people portray a life on social media that is hardly an accurate account of reality, when kids see images of their friends doing a lot of fun activities, they may feel that they somehow deserve to be entertained in this way as well.

Over-involved, yet well-meaning, parents may also contribute to the problem of entitlement mentality. Sometimes parents are so devoted to their children that they solve all of their children’s problems and orches-trate every aspect of their children’s lives. They may make sure their kids are on the “right” sports team, purchase whatever their children desire to help them fit in with their peers, and keep them busy with fun activities every day of the week.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being involved in your children’s lives and providing them with enrichment opportunities, playdates, and being their advocate when there is a reason for them to be in a certain classroom; these actions by parents are important and valuable to children, but there also needs to be a balance in providing kids with opportunities to learn, grow and sometimes struggle at times as well.

The problem with a sense of entitlement is that kids grow up believing that they deserve things and don’t learn how to work hard and earn the things they want. It robs them of learning self-motivation, resourceful-ness and resilience. It also can lead to feelings of bitterness, jealousy, obsessive thoughts, and even depression when they don’t have what others have.

Are We Raising an Entitled Generation of Children?

Kids need to understand that they don’t need to prove their worth through material items, beauty, fame or awards. People who can afford to buy the latest gadgets and toys are always on the lookout for what’s next. The same goes for beauty; the explosion of the cosmetic surgery industry in our country shows us that even being beautiful can’t bring long-term happiness as one procedure sometimes only leads to the next.

Following are tips on how you can be involved in your children’s lives without creating an atmosphere that leads to an entitlement mentality.

Choose to be content.

s Be content with your own lives and stop comparing your lives with your neighbors’ lives. Accept your children for who they are. Sometimes our kids aren’t as popular, athletic or academic as we’d like them to be, but if we really examine our motivations for these desires, they may be more for our own parental pride than our children’s well-being. Encourage your kids to do their best, but love them for who they are.

s Be thankful. Send your kids some very clear messages on a daily basis about being thankful for what they have. Encourage your children to write thank you notes to others.

s Don’t allow negative thoughts of jealousy and self-pity. Find a hobby or activity your children enjoy and can help them feel good about themselves. Focus your attention on building happy and lov-ing memories and relationships with your family and close friends.

s Do things as a family. Demonstrate your love for your kids by spending time together. Don’t use material items as a means to al-leviate guilt from working too much and not spending enough time with the family.

s Help your children learn how to encourage and praise other mem-

4 a Washington State PTA parent involvement magazine

bers of their family or their friends, without feeling threatened in doing this.

Act responsibly.

s Model acts of kindness toward others. Be generous with your time and money to help people out. Teaching kids to sacrifice their time to do kind acts for less fortunate people helps them appreciate what they have.

s Praise your children when they have acted selflessly.

Teachdelayedgratification.

s Teach your children the difference between wants and needs. Don’t buy your children everything they want. Instead, provide opportuni-ties for them to earn money to save up for what they want. The fact that they worked and saved for the item will help them appreciate and enjoy the item for a longer period of time.

s Provide opportunities for kids to decide which activity to partici-pate in, rather than allowing them to participate in every activity they want all at once.

s Tell your children when you are planning and saving up for some-thing special. Show your children how you develop your family budget.

s Encourage kids to look at advertisements and commercials criti-cally. Help them recognize and understand the marketing messages directed towards them. Explain to them that advertisers intention-ally try to make people feel inadequate without their product.

s Finally, teach your children self-control. This is sometimes a dif-ficult concept for kids, but talk to them about how they can control their actions by thinking first before acting. n

An inspiring weekend with a variety of training opportunities, engaging keynote speakers, and plenty of fun!

February 2013 WSPTA Key Communicator 3

It’s that time of year again – time for our annual Washington State PTA Conven-tion. Do you have it on your calendar yet – May 3-5, 2013? This year we celebrate our 100th WSPTA Convention and we are hosting it in a brand new location, the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Bellevue!

Whether you have attended a convention before or are brand new to the idea, this convention is sure to hold a wealth of opportunity for each and every one of you.

Being our 100th anniversary you will find intriguing facts and vignettes of our truly amazing history shared throughout the weekend. We have been hard at work to add new, relevant training choices. One class that is very exciting and has mul-tiple implications is our “Generational Differences” class. This will give you great insight into outreach, how to work more effectively as a board, how to foster volunteerism, and more. We are also presenting some new classes around social media and communications. The conven-tion packet will describe all of the options

for you to tailor the most optimal training experience for your position.

My top five count-down of reasons to attend:

5. Traveling – I actually enjoy the oppor-tunity to immerse myself in the experi-ence. Packing for the entire weekend where I get to experience a new location and take part in the charged atmosphere of like-minded people is fun.

4. The Giveaways and Special Offers – At convention you can get some amazing stuff! Make sure you check out the exhibi-tor booths for giveaways. One of your class choices will be to select an “exhibi-tor visit” to allow you ample time to tour the booths guilt-free. And don’t forget to attend general sessions for fun door prizes.

3. Validation – The work that we do around the singular vision of making every child’s potential a reality is special. It can be hard for people to understand why we do what we do. Having the chance to spend time with people who are wired the

Leadership News

by Heather GilletteWSPTA Leadership Director Why YOU Should Attend the

100th Annual WSPTA Convention

same way you are, has a tendency to make you feel more validated and energized in your choices.

2. Networking –This event is one of the best opportunities you will find to meet new, like-minded people. You meet the most amazing new people from all over the state who have come to the convention for the same reasons you have. Everyone is willing to share. You should never feel embarrassed to ask someone to tell you more about a pro-gram they mentioned in a class you were in together. Or, checkout the recognition room for a wealth of ideas to bring something new back to your unit or tweak something you are already doing to keep it fresh.

TOP REASON TO ATTEND:1. The Information - Training opportu-nities are a great way to get current and up-to-date ideas and convention is the WSPTA’s biggest leadership opportunity for our members. This year you will have 101 class choices, spread over nine sessions, along with a number of roundtable discus-sion groups. n

Be a part of Washington State PTA history. Plan ahead to attend!

Attend WSPTA’s 100th Annual Convention

Photo: 37th Annual WSPTA Convention, (May 2, 1950) Courtesy of the Tacoma Public Library, NW Room

Photo courtesy of University of Puget Sound

May 3-5, 2013Hyatt Regency Hotel

in Bellevue(located next to Bellevue Square)

5The Child Advocate, February 2013

Many kids struggle with being motivated at school. Most homework isn’t fun, so it is a rare child who doesn’t struggle at staying motivated. Parents can encourage good study habits by providing a specific time and place to do their homework each day; a good environment with plenty of light, desk space and supplies to accomplish their work; and provide them with assistance when needed. Ultimately, though, the decision to be motivated has to come from the children. However, there are some things parents can do to help their kids understand the importance of studying, how it can benefit them and how it can eventually provide access to what they want to do with their lives when they grow up.

Motivating kids.

Point out your children’s strengths. Nothing is more mo-tivating to kids than honest and positive praise from their parents. Often kids who do not naturally excel in sports or academics think they don’t have any talents. They usually don’t recognize that being able to communicate well, having courage, or being determined are strengths, yet these are often more valuable talents in the long-term than the ones that are commonly recognized by kids.

Teach your kids that there is always a way to achieve their dreams; nothing is out of their reach if they are willing to work hard. If they have difficulties with their schoolwork, and you are not able to help them at home, suggest they arrange to meet with the teacher after school to get their questions answered or help them find someone who can provide the assistance they need.

Help your children identify possible career interests. Together with your kids, research the post secondary education requirements for those fields—where the schools are located and what level of high school edu-cation and activities are required for entrance into these schools. Then, help your children develop short and long term goals to steer them in the right direction. It’s easier to work hard at school when they know that hard work will lead to something worthwhile someday.

Teachingkidstoworkefficiently.

School is your child’s work. The effort they put into their schoolwork not only translates into helping them build a stronger academic founda-tion, it actually teaches them good work habits, which is something they will draw from for the rest of their lives.

Learning how to work more efficiently helps students achieve a sense of satisfaction and often leads to increased motivation. For students, work-ing efficiently means understanding how they uniquely process informa-tion and learn and applying that knowledge to the way they study.

There are many different kids of learning styles, but the main ones are visual learners, auditory learners, and tactile/kinesthetic learners. Visual learners are characterized by learning best through sight, such as looking and pictures, studying written words, or writing things out. Auditory

learners are characterized by learning best through sound--such as listening to lectures, repeating words or phrases or explaining things to themselves aloud. Tactile and kinesthetic learners find they learn best by working with their hands, acting things out, building models, and using their bodies to be actively engaged in the learning process.

Once you have helped your children identify the most efficient way for them to study, then it’s the parents job to let their children take charge of their studying--yet be accessible if needed for question or help.

Follow up with your children about their study habits. If they have trouble staying organized or meeting deadlines, help them brainstorm ideas that might solve these problems.

In addition to learning styles, other factors that contribute to working efficiently involve the learning environment. Does your child study best in the afternoon, in the evening or early in the morning? Does your child do best when it is quiet or when there is some soft ambient music play-ing? Does your child study best by himself or in a small group? Encour-age your children to identify environmental factors that contribute to his most efficient studying.

Finally, encourage lifelong learning. The only thing we know for certain about the workplace of tomorrow is that it will be different from today. There will be technological advances and new ways of doing things and communicating with each other. Ask you children to teach you some-thing you don’t know. Be a role model for your kids by being resourceful and motivated to be a lifelong learner. n

How to Motivate Your Kids

a Washington State PTA parent involvement magazine6

when he needs it, knows that you value education and are connected to his school and teachers, and expect him to perform the best he can.

s Be available and involved both mentally and physically. Learn about your child’s interests. Play with your kids, watch a movie together, read a book together, help your children with homework when needed and be avail-able to listen when they want to talk.

s Enjoy each other. Spend time in conversation while commuting to practices, running errands, or on a long trip in the car. If you have some spare time on a busy day, get some ice cream or coffee together and enjoy some downtime between activities.

Provide opportunities to grow.s Teach your kids responsibility. As children get older, gradually give them

more responsibilities around the house, and provide them with an allow-ance or encourage them to get a part-time job so they can purchase items they need such as school clothes and gifts. Show them how to vacuum, do laundry, cook and clean.

s Establish boundaries. Provide your children with clear expectations on what their responsibilities and freedoms are and what consequences they face if they fail to meet those expectations. Provide logical consequences for when those boundaries are not respected. Don’t give in to whining and complaining. Instead, in a loving and caring way, explain that your family rules are in place because you love them deeply.

s Teach kids to solve conflicts. Help kids try to understand the situation from another person’s perspective, then encourage them to come to a

Being a parent is both rewarding and challenging. Often once you figure out your first-born, your next one is completely different. However, there are a few principles that hold true no matter the age or disposition of the child. First and foremost, your kids need to know that you love them. Demonstrate your love to them through many means to ensure that this message gets across to each child. For example, don’t just tell your children you love them; smile at them; spend time with them; listen to them; write notes to them and put those notes on their pillows, in their lunch boxes or on the mirror; give them hugs and kisses or loving pats, a tousle of the hair, a high five or touch on the shoulder; surprise them occasionally with acts of service, such as making their favorite meal or doing their chores for them when you know they have a lot of homework. Children who feel loved are more secure and have a higher sense of self-esteem. Following are more ideas in developing an authentic relationship with your children.

Be involved and available. s Join PTA and if you are able to, get involved at school and at PTA

activities. Get to know your children’s friends, teachers and the parents of thier friends. Help them to stay motivated to do their homework. Monitor their progress at school, but avoid intense pressure on academic outcomes. Good parent involvement practices do not include putting excessive pressure on your kids in academics or athletics. A better ap-proach to parent involvement is to make sure your child comes to school prepared to learn, has the tools he needs to be successful, help at home

Successful Parenting: What Every Parent Needs to Know

7The Child Advocate, February 2013

Helping Kids Develop ConfidenceandOptimism

Optimism is a way of life that can be learned. It can help us cope with disappointments or setbacks. Following are some tips to help your kids develop a healthy sense of optimism:

s Make sure you and your children get enough sleep, along with nutritious food and regular exercise. Healthy bodies are able to meet the challenges that face us better. In addition, well-rested minds are more able to view problems in a positive light.

s Listen to your children talk about their friends, ideas, and interests. It helps them feel loved when you listen to them and are interested in what they have to say. Children who feel secure in their family relationships are more likely to have a higher sense of self-esteem and more optimistic views on life.

s Laughter is a gift to the human spirit. A hearty laugh can make us feel better when we are sad or depressed. As a family, make sure you are enjoy-ing some light moments every day. Enjoy a funny TV program together, take an opportunity to laugh at yourself sometimes, have an occasional tickle war with your kids, play games with your kids, plan a fun family adventure, or just be silly sometimes.

s Encourage children to learn from mistakes. When parents act positively, rather than negatively, to mistakes by focusing atten-tion on what can be learned from mistakes, children are more willing to try new things.

s Help your children avoid negative self-talk; replace this with a “can do” attitude. Point out all the reasons you think they can

succeed. Be a resource to them if they need someone to talk to or share ideas with or just if they need help.

s Praise your children for hard work, determination, being self-starters, or being resourceful or creative. Be aware of how your praise is interpreted by your children. If you are only praising your children for their achievements, then they might feel that your love is conditional on their achievements.

s Be a good role model for being optimistic. Try to see every situation in a positive light and as a learning opportunity. Be confident that eventually you will succeed. n

common ground to look at different solutions that are positive for both parties and achievable within the time frame and resources available.

s Don’t be too quick to rescue your children from natural consequences that result from bad decisions. Students who are sheltered from their mistakes won’t learn from them.

Listen and learn from them.

s Encourage your children to share their opinions. Focus on your child without interruption. Maintain eye contact with your child and really try to understand what your child is saying and how she is feeling. Avoid looking at your watch, answering the phone or emails, and be sure to turn off the TV or radio.

s Use teachable moments to talk to your children about your experiences and your values. Conversations may start around current events, TV shows or movies, hobbies or interests or sharing family traditions or your own childhood experiences.

s When your children would like to talk to you, they should first respect your need to finish up a conversation you are already having with some-one else. This also applies when parents want to discuss something their children.

s Respectful communication never includes interrupting the other person, yelling or using insulting language. Allow the other person to complete his story with your full attention, then rephrase what you think he said for further clarification.

s Avoid getting in heated discussions with your children. Take time to cool down if you feel you need it before certain discussions with your children. When you’ve made a mistake, acknowledge your mistake and apologize to them.

s Always thank your children for coming to you, especially if it was a dif-ficult topic to discuss. When discussing difficult topics, parents should refrain from judging their children. Avoid giving unsolicited advice; instead together discuss what possible outcomes might be and how to choose the best solution. n

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