the child advocate - february 2011

February 2011Issue 5, Volume 19

The The Child AdvocateChild Advocate

Understanding the Pressures Our Kids Face

High-Pressured Parenting: Does it Help or Hurt Kids?

The Pros and Cons of Block Scheduling

Growing Up Too Fast...How Parents Can Help Protect Childhood

The Good Sport: Helping Kids Develop A Good Competitive Character

Parental Self-Esteem: How it Affects Kids

Helping Your Child Manage Test AnxietyThe Child Advocate is published online every month from September through May by the Washington State PTA, 2003 65th Avenue West, Tacoma, WA 98466-6215, (253) 565-2153. Contributors are welcome. Call the State PTA office for guidelines. Whenever PTA is used it also refers to PTSA. PTA is a registered trademark of the National Congress of Parents and Teachers.

Scott Allen, Washington State PTA PresidentBill Williams, Washington State PTA Executive Director

Karen Fisker-Andersen, Editor

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Contents

Website: www.wastatepta.org

Email: [email protected]

Phone: (253) 565-2153 or

1-800-562-3804

Fax: (253) 565-7753

a Washington State PTA parent involvement publication

Washington State PTA

2003 65th Avenue West

Tacoma, WA 98466-6215

Child AdvocateThe VISION: “Making every child’s potential a reality.”

MISSION: PTA is:n A powerful voice for all children,n A relevant resource for families and communities, andn A strong advocate for the education and well-being of every child.

The Washington State PTA accomplishes the mission of PTA by• Speaking on behalf of children and youth in the schools, in the community, and before governmental bodies and other organizations that make decisions affecting children; • Supporting parents* in developing skills to raise, protect and advocate for their children; • Encouraging parent*, teacher, student and community involvement; • Promoting opportunities for positive outcomes for children; and • Being a financially stable, well-managed organization that promotes diversity, provides quality service, models best practices and values its members and employees.

*Parent may include adults who play an important role in a child’s family life since other adults (grandparents, aunts, uncles, or guardians) may carry the primary responsibility for a child’s health, welfare, education and safety.

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Washington State PTA Convention

Seattle Airport Doubletree Hotel

April 29-May 1, 2011

Newly elected PTA board members should attend for a seamless transition for your new leadership.

Early Bird Registration is $150 (3 days) and late registration is $190. Fee includes all materials. Fee does not include meals or housing.

Join us for leadership training for your local unit leadership team for the upcoming year! On-line registration available soon on the WSPTA website. www.wastatepta.org

Inspiring Keynote Speakers!

New Ideas for Your PTA!

Time to Bond as a Team!

Leadership Training Classes!

Washington State PTA Convention

Seattle Airport Doubletree Hotel

April 29-May 1, 2011

Newly elected PTA board members should attend for a seamless transition for your new leadership.

Early Bird Registration is $150 (3 days) and late registration is $190. Fee includes all materials. Fee does not include meals or housing.

Join us for leadership training for your local unit leadership team for the upcoming year! On-line registration available soon on the WSPTA website. www.wastatepta.org

Inspiring Keynote Speakers!

New Ideas for Your PTA!

Time to Bond as a Team!

Leadership Training Classes!

Agenda

Time: Activity: Location:

8:00 am Focus Day Volunteer Meeting Urban Onion Ballroom

8:30 am Welcome Table Opens—Pick up Packets Urban Onion Mezzanine &

Meet & Greet for Adults Ballroom

Children’s Activities Begin (button making, face painting, creating

signs & noise makers, write a note to your Legislator,

coloring pages and a word search)

9:30 am Opening Session – welcome and legislative update Urban Onion Ballroom

10:45 am March details and safety information Urban Onion Ballroom

11:00 am Pick up bagged lunches Urban Onion Mezzanine

11:20 am Gather for march to the Capitol Sylvester Park

11:35 am March begins up Capitol Way Sylvester Park

12:00 pm Rally on the Steps Capitol Steps

1:00 pm Meet with your legislators on your own

1:30–2:30 pm Turn in Scavenger Hunts for Prize Outside the Columbia Room

Register TODAY online at www.wastatepta.org. Registration is free. Lunch is available for pre-order.

Focus Day in Olympia

J oin us for Focus Day as we rally on the Capitol steps and meet with legislators and staff, leave notes, receive updates from policy-makers on key issues and network with other PTA advocates. PTA volunteer advocates can make a difference when they come to the Capitol in large numbers.

We need you this year to help shape 2011 legislative priorities in what will again be a very difficult economic climate. Bring your kids!

Washington State PTA

February 21, 2011 (President’s Day)

High-Pressured Parenting: Does it Help or Hurt Kids?

The Child Advocate, February 2011 3

A recent book, “The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” by Yale Law School professor Amy Chua, has been drawing praise and criticism locally and nationally. (for opposing views by Seattle Times columnists Danny Westneat and David Brooks, go to www.seattletimes.com and search for “Chua”). In her book and subsequent personal appearances, Chua discusses the merits of what she calls the “Chinese” style of parenting, which produces straight-A students through intense pressure; criticism; countless hours of music practice and studying; and the with-holding of play dates, television, and extracurricular activities (except for violin and piano lessons). Chua asserts this is a better approach to producing capable, self-confident children than “western” parenting styles, which she describes as coddling.

While most Americans are shocked by the tactics Chua describes, it does pose an interesting question as to whether high-pressured parent-ing tactics are good for children even if they do produce the results she suggests, and whether these benefits outweigh the potentials costs, such as teenage rebellion, loss of relationships, or childhood depression.

Some Americans do engage in high-pressure tactics to help their kids achieve in sports as well as academics and music, although not typically to the degree described by Chua. Some of these parents may associate their children’s achievements with their success as parents. Some parents are afraid that without intense pressure, their children may not have the skills or grades to get into the college of their choice, be popular among their peers, or be chosen to play varsity sports. Still other parents may push their kids to achieve what they wished they could have achieved when they were younger.

Yet intense pressure coupled with inadequate coping skills can be a dead-ly combination. Depression and suicide are real issues for our children.

Rather than pushing our kids to excel, a more balanced approach may help kids become self-motivated to achieve the kind of success and hap-piness that most loving parents want for their kids.

Balanced Parenting

1. Define success. Ultimately parents want their children to be

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productive and happy citizens. Parents want them to be good citizens and eventually have a career that is fulfilling and provides them with a good lifestyle. Parents want their children to have relationships that endure and bring them joy, and to feel like they have a purpose in life. Parents can help their children develop goals for themselves using this type of definition of success.

2. Have high expectations, but unconditional love. Know your children’s strengths and weaknesses. Frame your expectations around their abilities. For example, if your daughter has always struggled with math, achieving a ‘B’ might be a high expectation for a math class. Arrange your children’s after-school schedule so they have enough time to study. Encourage them excel in their strengths and improve on their weaknesses, but always tell your children that you love them no matter what. If children think parental love is only conditional on their achievement, then when they experience setbacks that inhibit their achievement, they may be more likely to cheat, rebel or give up all together.

3. Communicate effectively. Praise your children when it is mer-

a Washington State PTA parent involvement magazine4

ited, but also provide your children with constructive criticism. Make sure you model respectful communication.

4. Be involved at school and at home. Help your children develop good study habits, and work with them at home if they are having difficulties. Get to know your children’s teachers by attending curriculum nights, parent-teacher conferences and by volunteering in the classroom so you can get a first hand view of how they are doing with academics as well as their social skills.

5. Motivate your kids. Learning is hard and it does require work. Sometimes school feels like drudgery for kids. The key to motivating your kids is to help them see how the efforts they are doing at school will help them reach their goals for their future.

6. Encourage positive peer relationships. Good interpersonal skills are key to being able to hold down a job, maintaining good relationships, and generally living a contented life. Help your child learn how to encourage others, refrain from being jealous or boastful, and be a loyal and trustworthy friend. n

During the past decade, many high schools and middle schools started adopting the block scheduling method in which students take four extended-length classes a day, instead of the traditional six periods with 45 minutes for each class.

There are two variations of the block scheduling method. In one approach, students take classes on alternating days, so students have a total of 8 classes at once for the entire year. In the other approach, students take a total of four classes every day for a semester and finish an entire year’s worth of work in one semester.

The Pros

Proponents of the block scheduling method claim that with an extended period of classroom time, teachers are able to cover top-ics with more depth through their lectures and discussions. They also claim students are able to spend more concentrated time on a

The Pros and Cons of Block Scheduling

subject which may lead to better under-standing, and there is less time wasted between class periods. For schools that adopt the block scheduling approach which alternates days when classes meet, students have more time to complete homework assignments. For schools that adopt the method of condensing an entire year’s worth of work in one semester, students have fewer classes to focus on at a time in terms of home-work and studying.

The Cons

Block scheduling is extremely difficult for students with attention deficiencies or who are slower-learners. For example,

students with shorter attention spans have a harder time paying atten-tion during the entire 90-minute class period. Additionally students who are slower learners often need the daily reinforcement of the ma-terial and a whole year to complete a year’s worth of work. Another problem with block scheduling is retention. Most students have the best retention when they work on the subject daily over an entire year.

What Can Parents Do?

If your school is considering the option of going to a block schedul-ing method, be sure to research it carefully. Although it might look good on paper, this option doesn’t work for all students. If your school is already using block scheduling and your student is struggling with this method, bring your concerns to the school principal. Some schools that have tried block scheduling have gone back to the tradi-tional 6-period method. Others have made a combination of block and traditional classes available to students having difficulties. n

Sometimes it seems like 8 years-old has become the new eighteen. Today many elementary aged kids think nothing of referring to each other as “hot” and some are even going on “dates.” Certainly a lot has changed since we were kids.

“Grinding,” a highly sexualized form of dancing, has become a major challenge at high school dances across the country. Underage drinking, drug abuse, and sexual experimentation continue to be major problems for our youth as well.

Many factors are contributing to these changes in our youth culture, including the Internet, television shows, movies, product advertising, celebrity role models, social networking sites, popular music, teen novels and magazines, and cell phones.

For example, one recent TV series, “Skins,” is aimed at teens and is considered child pornography by many leading experts. Additionally, the Internet and YouTube readily allow kids access to materials that may be inap-propriate or unhealthy.

Kids also look towards some of the celebrities they have grown up watching on the TV and on the big screen as role models, and many of these individuals are not making good choices in the areas of drug use and drinking.

Technology may be contributing to our children loosing their child-hood too fast as well. Cell phones offer kids a means to constantly be connected with one another, interfering with children’s freetime which may otherwise be a time for kids to daydream or ponder their lives and beliefs. Facebook and other social networking sites allow kids to share pictures, update others on what they are doing, and post when they are in a “relationship” with another person. For kids who are not in the pictures being posted by their peers and not invited to some of the social events being discussed, this media may leave them feeling isolated.

Some popular teen books glamorize cliques and social bullying. Rumor spreading has always been a problem, but today with cyber bullying, these rumors can spread overnight and reach everyone the victim knows in the blink of an eye.

What Parents Can Do to Help

Teach your children good values at home. They are not going to get this through television programming, music lyrics or movies so it’s essential that get this from their parents.

Help your kids find other people with similar values. There are other kids out there who are not in a hurry to grow up.

Let your children play with dolls, Legos, building blocks and other childhood toys for as long as they want. Don’t take these toys away from

5The Child Advocate, February 2011

Growing Up Too Fast... How Parents Can Help Protect Childhood For Their Kids

them before they are ready to part with them. Give your children permis-sion to be kids.

Don’t purchase sexy clothes for your children. Help them find clothes they like that are more modest and appropriate for their ages.

Hold off on signing your kids up for a Facebook account until they are teenagers. Let them be blissfully ignorant on how many of their “friends” are in “relationships,” and how many social events they are missing out on until they are a little older.

Establish rules for cell phone use if you purchase them for your children. For example, the phone is off during school hours, homework time, dur-ing family meals, and when they are face-to-face with another person.

Be aware of the movies and television shows your kids are watching, and the books and magazines your children are reading. Avoid materials that are too sexualized. There are even some cartoons on TV that can be inappropriate for children.

Keep your kids busy with family outings, having friends over, in sports or other wholesome activities that interest them.

Supervise your kids on the Internet, and when they have friends over. Keep your computer in a family area of the house. Offer to make food for your kids when they have friends over so you can easily check in on them from time to time when you bring them snacks.

Engage your children in discussions about events taking place at school. Be a good listener. Help your kids learn how to resist negative peer pres-sure. Let them know that true friends would never encourage them to do something self-destructive. n


Recently in the news there was a story about a high school basketball team that beat an opposing school’s team by nearly 100 points. Follow-ing the story were different opinions about the sportsmanship of letting a game go on with such an unbalanced score.

On one hand, some people said that players should always try their best when on the court or the field. These individuals felt it would be an insult to the other team if their opponents did not perform their best no matter how unbalanced the score. On the other hand, others commented that it is insensitive to the other team to let the score go that high. These people suggest that it would have been better at a certain point for the winning team to focus more on passing and less on scoring.

Although the opinions expressed seemed to be polar opposites, they did have one common thread: Sportsmanship and respect are vitally impor-tant components in youth sports. Following are tips that most people can agree on to help our kids develop good sportsmanship.

Do’s:

n Set the example for healthy sportsmanship for your children. Encour-age your children to be good winners by not gloating, and also to be good losers by not making excuses or placing blame on other team-mates.

n Encourage your kids to play by the rules. Unnecessary roughness or intentionally fouling the opponent is poor sportsmanship. If a player does foul an opponent by accident, then he should exhibit good

sportsmanship by offering his opponent a hand to help him up.

n Parents should encourage good work ethic of their student athletes. Young athletes should be expected to participate in the team’s condi-tioning, stretching and practicing. Parents shouldn’t feel that somehow their children’s natural talents should exclude them, nor should they feel that they should force their students to do more than the coach asks of them. Overuse injuries and burnout are often a result of do-ing too much.

n Make sure your children are playing sports because they want to, not because you want them to or because it would look good on col-lege applications. Playing sports should be fun for your kids and not something they are being forced to do,

n Parents should applaud the efforts of all their children and should want each one to play her personal best. If your child is unhappy with her skills, offer to play with her at home. But above all, accept your child’s athletic abilities without comparing them to other teammates or siblings.

Don’ts:

n Don’t expect your children to earn a college scholarships in their sports. This puts too much pressure on student athletes and may be setting them up for unrealistic expectations.

n Don’t complain about bad calls, referees, coaches, and teammates. Keep your comments positive when cheering from the sidelines. n

The Good SportHelping Kids

Develop a Good Competitive Character

7The Child Advocate, February 2011

Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves. Very few people are one hundred percent secure about themselves at all times. We worry that we are not good enough parents, that we are not spending enough quality time with our children, that we are not always able to be calm and compassionate toward our kids.

Our self-esteem is formed by our life experi-ence, unmet childhood expectations, and past mistakes. It influences the way we think and act towards other people, including our chil-dren. A parent with low self-esteem may feel depressed and have a negative influence on our children’s self-esteem. A low self-esteem may also cause some parents trying to live vicari-ously through their children to fulfill some of their own unfulfilled childhood expectations.

If you generally feel positive about yourself and your children see you being upbeat and confident, then you probably don’t need to be concerned about how your self-esteem is affecting your children. However, if you are overly anxious, are often emotional or if you feel intimidated by people around you, then you may need to take some time to address your feelings of insecurity. Or if you see your children frequently sulking, having difficulties at school or with friendships, then you need to consider if your children may have an on-going problem with self-esteem and if that problem may be starting with you. Working on Your Self-Esteem

Work on one thing at a time. For example, first eliminate negative self-talk. Make it a habit for a week to change your thinking so that every time you think of something negative of yourself, you replace it with a positive thing. Next, make a habit of spending some time each week on something you like to do, such as reading a good book, taking a long walk, or a hot bath…whatever is luxurious for you. This will help you fill up your energy reserves so you have more to draw on when you need to be there for your kids. Continue taking slow and deliberate steps toward making healthier habits in your life.

Transfering Positive Attitudes to Your Kids

Once you have started making some progress on yourself, then work on your relationship with your children:

1. Reduce or eliminate negative remarks or messages you give your

Parental Self-Esteem: How it Affects Kids

children. When you need to provide constructive criticism, make sure it is respectful and helpful rather than accusatory.

2. Compliment your children specificially on what they doing that pleases you rather than giving a vague compliment. For example, “I like the way you...,” as opposed to, “I like you.”

3. Help your children find a way they can achieve. Look for areas of strength for your children and give support that nurtures those abili-ties. This could include reading, math, music, little league, scouts, creative writing, sewing, or more. Don’t try to impose your interests on your children.

4. Think of ways to help each one of your children feel like an impor-tant member of the family. Spend time with each child individually. Write notes and put them in their lunch boxes. Tell them that you love them and be affectionate towards them.

5. Help your children find a space in your home they can call their own. Kids like to have a private place for personal possessions.

Don’t get discouraged if you occasionally backslide into old habits.When you feel that you have been too harsh on your children, remember that no one is perfect. Let them know that it has been a hard day and that are you sorry that you took it out on them. Ask them to forgive you. Your improved self-esteem and changed behaviors and attitudes will not go unnoticed by your children. n


n Identify the important information. Students need to be able to identify the most important information covered in the section being tested. Help your child go through his class notes, past assignments, the text book, and past tests in that class to determine what the most important information is.

n Find a way to recall information. Students need to come up with a way of remembering information they have studied. Help your child iden-tify and use her natural learning strengths to recall information for tests. If your child is a visual learner, encourage her to use flash cards, make timelines, outlines, and maps illustrating the information she needs to learn. If your child is an auditory learner, encourage her to make up rhymes, songs or other memory cues and repeat them aloud. A kinesthetic learner may benefit from acting out different things she is studying, or making models illustrating the information she needs to learn.

n Prepare (and take) practice tests. Encourage your child to go through past tests, class assignments, and practice tests to determine how the teacher prepares tests and what types of questions are typically asked. Using this information and the information your child has identified as the most important items covered in the section to be tested, you can help your child come up with sample questions that may appear on the test. Have your child practice answering these sample questions in the form of a practice test.

n Get a good nights’ sleep the night before the test. Proper eating and sleeping prior to a test is essential for your child to be able to perform to the best of his abilities. n

Tests can be a source of extreme anxiety for some kids. If your student is one of those kids who seems to forget everything he has learned as soon as a test is placed in front of him, consider the following ideas to help alleviate some of that crippling test anxiety.

Teach students how to take tests

Once the test is passed out, the student should listen to the teacher’s instructions. If he doesn’t understand something about the instructions, he should have the teacher clarify the misunder-standing immediately. The child then may scan the test over to get a general idea of what will be covered and how long the test is, keeping in mind how much time he has to complete the test. If necessary, a student may need to take some deep breaths, try to relax and remind him-self that it is just a test and he can only do the best that he can. Then the child should go back to the beginning and start the test, reading the directions carefully before starting each section. If the student reaches a question that is particularly difficult, he should skip it and go back to it later if there is time. If the test is an essay test, the child should spend a little time in the beginning brainstorming and sketching out a brief outline before he starts writing. When the student has completed the test, encourage him to go back through and address the problems he skipped check his answers, and check to make sure all of his answers are legible.

Encourage your students to plan ahead

To effectively prepare for tests, students need to do several things: 1) plan ahead, 2) identify the important information, and anticipate pos-sible questions, 3) come up with a way to recall information, 4) prepare (and take) practice tests, 5) get a good nights’ sleep the night before a test and eat a nutritious meals on the day of the test (including break-fast).

n Plan ahead. As soon as a student hears there is going to be a test, the student should write up a test preparation plan and schedule it into her calendar. For example, if a teacher announces there will be a science test in one week, the student should first write down all the things she needs to do to study for that test, such as reviewing class notes, reviewing textbook summaries, reviewing past tests, making up sample test questions, practicing the sample test questions. The stu-dent then needs to decide what days during the coming week she will accomplish each of those tasks, writing them down on her calendar. Cramming for a test the day before is never better than preparing for it over a few days or weeks, as cramming often leads to sleep depriva-tion and increased test anxiety. Helping Your Child Manage

Test Anxiety

the child advocate - february 2011

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