stop, drop and roll addressing conflict
TRANSCRIPT
STOP, DROP AND ROLL
FOR YMCA PROFESSIONALS
BY LISA PAVIA-HIGEL, ASSISTANT PROFESSOR, JEFFERSON COLLEGE
LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
WHAT ARE WE DOING? IT’S FRIDAY!!!
http://www.slideshare.net/LisaPaviaHigel/stop-drop-and-roll-addressing-conflict
WE’RE GETTING WORSE -THE
MORE TECH WE USE….
Less able to read nonverbal
Less eye contact
Conflict adverse
Reduced empathy
Focus on task-oriented communication
“continuous partial attention”
Pphubbing Information from:2012 -Journal of Applied Psychology2016 –Computers in Human Behavior2012-Pew Research Center2016-Computer
http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20130828-the-crucial-skill-new-hires-lack
Value information over insight
WHAT DO YOU ALREADY KNOW? • PERCENT OF NONVERBAL TO VERBAL?• NUMBER OF EXPRESSIONS THE FACE CAN MAKE? • HOW GOOD CAN YOU GET?• WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD IN OTHER SEMINARS?
JUST THREE STEPS• STOP-AND CREATE A GOOD ENVIRONMENT TO
PREVENT CONFLICT• DROP-WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO DIFFUSE TENSION• ROLL-A BAD CONVERSATION INTO A GOOD ONE
• THIS PRESENTATION WILL BE AVAILABLE AT SLIDESHARE- WITH ACTIVE LINKS.
COULD BE WORSE….COULD BE A BUDGET TRAINING…
GREEN LIGHT-AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION• VERBALLY• ARMOR THE MESSENGER TO PREVENT SURPRISES• USE CONVERGENT AND AFFILIATION LANGUAGE-BUT NOT TOO MUCH• ANSWER BIDS BY TURNING TOWARD AND AVOIDING SARCASM
• NONVERBALLY• OPEN POSTURE• GIVE DOMINANCE • REMOVE BARRIERS
ARMOR THE MESSENGER
• CALM OVER BUSY• PEOPLE LISTENING VS. TASK LISTENING• PRAISE BAD NEWS GIVEN EARLY
We, Our, UsLow Power Distance
Familiar Slang and
Jargon
They, Them, Those- High
Power Distance
Unfamiliar Slang and
Jargon
GOTTMAN’S LOVE LAB-THE MASTERS AND THE DISASTERS
• HTTP://WWW.THEATLANTIC.COM/HEALTH/ARCHIVE/2014/06/HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER/372573/• MASTERS• ANSWERED BIDS WITH TURNING TOWARD• FOCUSED ON WHAT WAS GOING RIGHT• AVOID CRITICISM AND CONTEMPT • ARE CONNECTED AND KIND• USES ACTIVE CONSTRUCTION TO CELEBRATE WINSWAIT….THIS IS FOR MARRIAGE…WHY DOES IT APPLY HERE?
NONVERBAL OPENNESS BEHAVIORS
• Positive Minimal Response-Zimmerman/West 75
• Handshakes and other touch• Postures • Eye contact• Remove physical barriers • Turn away from tech• Give dominance
YELLOW LIGHT-SPOTTING TROUBLE• VERBALLY• STOP ENCODING!• LISTEN FOR TONE-CLIPS, BITES AND UPTONE• LISTEN FOR THINKING FALLACIES• RESPOND WITH PERCEPTION CHECKING AND PARAPHRASING
• NONVERBALLY• WATCH FOR ADAPTORS AND CLINCHING• LOOK FOR ENTRENCHMENT AND MASKING• RESPOND WITH OPEN ANGLES AND INTEREST
The goal here is to avoid defensiveness-once it happens, the conversation is over!
THINKING FALLACIES• OVERGENERALIZATION-RESPOND WITH SPECIFICS• HELPLESSNESS-RESPOND WITH EMPOWERMENT• CATASTROPHIC EXPECTATIONS-RESPOND WITH
PROBLEM SOLVING• CAUSATION-RESPOND BY REFRAMING• POLARIZATION-RESPOND BY PERSPECTIVE TAKINGBeck-1972
TWO VERBAL SKILLS-PERCEPTION CHECKING AND PARAPHRASE• PERCEPTION CHECK-VERIFIES YOU
ASSUMPTIONS:• STATE BEHAVIOR• TWO POSSIBLE INTERPRETATIONS FOR THAT
BEHAVIOR• ASK FOR VERIFICATION
• PARAPHRASE-VERIFIES WHAT YOU’VE HEARD:• INTERPRET BOTH EMOTION AND THE
CONTENT IN YOU OWN WORDS• ASK FOR VERIFICATION
NONVERBAL ANXIETY BEHAVIORS • Masking
• The “I want to speak” signal• Entrenchment• Adaptors
Helpful Link: How to Read Body Language-Life Hacker
RED LIGHT-CONFLICT TIME• VERBALLY• KEEP CULTURE IN MIND• IDENTIFY THE CONFLICT STYLE AND CAUSE• LISTEN FOR RANTING CIRCLES AND THE KITCHEN SINK• GIVE THE MAGIC MINUTE-THEN PROVE IT• SAY YES….ASK YES-BRING THEM ONTO YOUR TEAM
• NONVERBALLY• WATCH THE FACE, KEEP EYE CONTACT• GIVE BARRIER AND CREATE SPACE• DON’T “FACE OFF” AND REMOVE BARRIERS
CONFLICT STYLES AND AIMS• AIMS• PSEUDOCONFLICT-DISPLACEMENT, CULTURE,
ENGAGEMENT• VALUE CONFLICT-”PRINCIPLE OF THE THING”• POLICY CONFLICT-”I DON’T LIKE THE RULE…”• STYLES• PASSIVE-AVOIDS-BREEDS
RESENTMENT• PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE-MARTYR-TAKE
ON MORE• AGGRESSIVE-FIGHTER-LOUD AND
PROUD• ASSERTIVE-MEDIATOR-LET’S
PROBLEM SOLVE
THANK YOU• QUESTIONS?• [email protected]• FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @LISAMARIEPAVIA• FOLLOW THE BLOG: WWW.EPICUREANMANIFESTO.COM• COMING SOON! PODCAST AND YOUTUBE