MODERN FAMILY SPEC "I love Black People"

By By Adrian manzano

Adrian Manzano

MODERN FAMILY

WGA REGISTERED Adrian Manzano

manzanony@gmail.com

320-626-9266

INT. PHIL & CLAIR’S HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY

Claire is coming out of her with laundry basket as soon as

she passes Hailey’s the door opens and out walks Brian, a

skinny teenage black boy.

CLAIRE

AAAAHhhhh!!

BRIAN

oh I’m sorry

Claire catches her breath.

HAILEY

Mom! what the hell! are you ok.

CLAIRE

who is this?

HAILEY

this is my friend Brian

CLAIRE

Oh, nice to meet you

BRIAN

Uh, friend?

HAILEY

Ok my boyfriend.

CLAIRE

WHAT!

Claire realizes her "WHAT!" was too loud. But tries to smile

off the awkwardness.

CUT TO

MODERN FAMILY INTRO

INT: Phil Interview Kitchen:

PHIL

I love Black people. My favorite tv

show growing up was Bill Cosby.

Eddie Murphy, that brother cracks

me up. and hip hop of course, Dre,

Snoopy, Wutang clan ain’t nothing

to fff....(bleep) with. Yea that’s

right I said it.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 2.

Phil tries to look tough at the camera.

CUT TO

INT. DUNPHY KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM. MORNING

Claire is seen yelling up the stairs.

CLAIRE

Ok Hailey yea. Leave the door open

sweety. Thanks.

PHIL

What’s going on.

CLAIRE

Nothing, just Hailey’s new

boyfriend (whispers) he’s black!

PHIL

So. whats the big deal.

CLAIR

The big deal is first it was Dylon.

Then that weird kid. Now we have

Brian. Its like, whats next. You

know I don’t want her to get a

reputation that’s all. Plus if my

Dad finds out he would go nuts.

CUT TO

INT. PHIL & CLAIRE INTERVIEW. COUCH.

CLAIRE

My dad isn’t racist. He just

prefers... Certain races over

others...

PHIL

Honey that’s the definition of

racist.

CLAIRE

Now yes, that maybe true. But he

doesn’t hate anyone. (she looks at

phil) atleast... Not forever.

CUT TO

3.

INT. DUNPHY KITCHEN

ALEX

I can’t believe you two. Getting

mad at Hailey for her new

boyfriend.

CLAIRE

Honey, now look that’s not true.

PHIL

It’s really your Mom, I’m down.

ALEX

I thought you were bigger than

that.

son enters

LUKE

What’s going on .

ALEX

Hailey’s new boyfriend is black.

LUKE

Cool, does he play basketball? I

need help on my layup.

PHIL

Hey buddy, that’s not cool ok. Just

because he’s black doesn’t mean he

plays basketball. Besides I can

school you on the hoops my homey.

LUKE

Yea sure... let me know when he

stops by. (exits)

CUT TO

INT. LUKE & ALEX INTERVIEW ON COUCH

LUKE

My dad is white, everyone knows

white people suck at basketball.

ALEX

(frustrated)

That is soooo... not... what’s

wrong wit you people!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 4.

LUKE

You people. what do you mean you

people.

CUT

INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE

Jay walks into his home to see Gloria on her knees holding

Manny’s feet as he tries to do a sit-up. Glorias amazing

curves are on full display to Jay.

GLORIA

Come on. One more sit-up.

JAY

Oh Gloria, please do me next.

MANNY

(out of breath)

Save it for later Jay. I’m getting

in shape.

Manny runs out

JAY

What happened?

GLORIA

A girl said she couldn’t go out

with him because he was supposedly

over weight. But mi nino is not fat

at all he just has a little baby

fat. Right. Jay tell him he’s

skinny.

JAY

What?

GLORIA

Tell him!

JAY

Look kid, she needs to accept you

the way you are. Be yourself and

everything will be fine.

MANNY

Easy for you to say, Your rich.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 5.

JAY

Alright we got to go. We’re meeting

everyone for Lilly’s one year

anniversary arrival. Come on you

can work out at the park.

MANNY

Alright, you guys take the car. I’m

gonna run.

Manny jogs out the house. Jay and Gloria look at each other.

JAY

He’s your son.

EXT. PARK BENCH. SUNNY DAY

Cameron and Mitchell sit on a wooden picnic table. Mitchell

sits with Lilly. Cam is unpacking the bags and food.

MITCHELL

Where is everyone.

CAMERON

Their running on GP time.

MITCHELL

Gay people time?

CAMERON

I meant grandpa time.

MITCHELL

Of course.

CUT TO

INT: INTERVIEW CAM AND MITCH

CAMERON

Exactly one year ago we were

blessed with our precious baby girl

Lilly.

MITCHELL

Cameron likes to commemorate

everything, but she can’t get used

to this. It would be like having

two birthdays and double the

presents.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 6.

CAMERON

Oh no, Two birthdays! The horror!

Why can’t we make our daughter feel

special.

MITCHELL

she is special.

CAMERON

That’s why she has two birthdays.

MITCHELL

But that would just remind her,

that she’s different.

CAMERON

we’re all different.

MITCHELL

especially you.

ACT II

EXT PARK BENCH. DAY

Cameron and Mitchel are setting up the park bench. Random

interracial couple walks by.

COUPLE

What an adorable little baby.

MITCHELL

Why thank you.

COUPLE

what is she turning 2, 3?

MITCHELL

two!

CAMERON

Actually its her 1 year anniversary

of being adopted.

COUPLE

Oh well happy anniversary.

CAMERON

Thank you.

The couple leaves.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 7.

MITCHELL

We couldn’t just let them assume it

was her birthday.

CAMERON

Because its not.

MITCHELL

I can’t believe we’re---

CAMERON

No Mitchel, let’s not do this now.

MITCHELL

Fine.

A moment of tension.

...

CAMERON

If you’re ashamed ---

MITCHELL

Wooo hold on! It’s not about

ashamed. I don’t want to always

have the responsibility of being

the gay parents poster child. I

just want to be normal.

CAMERON

You gonna start on normal now.

Jay, Gloria, Manny arrive.

JAY

Hey!

GLORIA

Hola!

MANNY

(out of breath)

Hi uncles, Sorry I still got to do

a few more laps.

Manny runs off camera, the adults watch bewildered.

JAY

Kid wants to lose weight.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 8.

GLORIA

He got rejected by a girl because

she say’s he fat, but he’s not fat.

MITCHELL

Terrible.

CAMERON

Awefull.

GLORIA

(to Cam)

Can you talk to him?

JAY

Yea help him out.

GLORIA

I figure you two can relate.

CAMERON

What’s that supposed to mean.

GLORIA

You can tell him that he’s not fat.

JAY

Help him get into sports.

CAMERON

Sure, I’ll do it. But I never had

problems with girls. They always

loved me.

MITCH

You’re Gay.

CAMERON

And fabulous! AND was also the

captain of the Lacrose team. So I

know how to handle balls.

CUT TO

INT. HAILEY’S CAR

Hailey drives her car with Brian riding shotgun.

HAILEY

Look I just didn’t want my mom to

be all up in bizness...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 9.

BRIAN

So we are dating right?

HAILEY

Yes!

BRIAN

Good, I already changed my facebook

status.

HAILEY

Already? It’s only been a day.

CUT TO

INT. HAILEY INTERVIEW. LIVING ROOM

HAILEY

Dylan and I broke up again last

week. It was the last draw when he

forgot to text me on Sunday to have

ice cream. Brian on the other hand

Texts me ... very often.

Camera zooms out to reveal Brian sitting next to her, face

down texting.

BRIAN

Oh... You’re gonna love this one.

Phone vibrates.

BRIAN

(CONT’D)

Go ahead open it.

Hailey’s a little weirded out reaches for her phone.

CUT TO:

INT. HAILEY’S CAR

HAILEY

Let’s just go in and out.

BRIAN

Cool.

HAILEY

I don’t want to hang out to long,

my Mom’s acting weird.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 10.

BRIAN

Cool. Hey lets go get ice cream

later. I want to buy you the

biggest baddest hot fudge Sunday.

HAILEY

Brian we did that Yesterday.

BRIAN

But you had so much fun. Look I put

the pics on my wall paper.

INSERT: iPhone shots of Brian and Hailey eating ice cream.

Brian is all smiles. Hailey is bored.

HAILEY

Wow, that’s really ... interesting.

BRIAN

I don’t know if I should tell you

this, But I really really like you.

Brian waits for a response. Hailey appears like she’s about

to respond but lets the silence linger. Alex appears from

behind Hailey’s seat.

ALEX

Aaahhh... awkward...

HAILEY

OH! HEY WE’RE HERE!

CUT TO:

EXT. PARK

Manny is jogging and Cam runs up behind him.

CAM

Manny!

Manny out of breath.

MANNY

Must ... keep ... going...

Cameron grabs Manny’s shoulder and they both plop on the

grass simultaneously. They share a few seconds heavig.

CAMERON

So I hear you’re trying to lose

weight.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 11.

MANNY

Yea, I suppose they told you it was

about a girl.

CAM

Yea.

MANNY

Well it’s not about a girl!

Cam looks at him.

MANNY

Ok It is. But it’s more than that.

It’s about being the best Manny I

can be.

CAMERON

But you already are the best Manny.

Look our bodies are what they are.

I know I’m a little husky, but that

didn’t stop Mitchel.

MANNY

Yea but women are more superficial.

CAMERON

You don’t know enough gay men.

MANNY

The girls in my school like sporty

guys.

CAM

Well that’s a good idea. Sports are

a great way to build self

confidence.

MANNY

Yea! I’m gonna be the sports guy!

Just you watch! Becky Sulivan will

wish she never passed on this beef

cake.

CAM

Oh Boy.

12.

EXT. PARKING LOT TO PARK

Phil, Claire, and Luke are walking from the parking lot to

the park carrying various picnic gear.

PHIL

You know what they say. Once you go

...

CLAIRE

Ewww... no this is just the worst

Day. The worst Day. My Dad cannot

find out about ---

Hailey and Brian walk in arm and arm. Alex behind them

smiling.

CLAIRE

Brian! hey. Good to see you again.

PHIL

What’s up B!

BRIAN

Mr and Mrs Dunphey, I just want to

let you know that you have

conceived the the most exquisite

daughter.

CLAIRE

Well... Thats ... That’s nice of

you to say.

PHIL

Yea, she’s fly. Hey Bri check it.

Luke and I are gonna shoots some

hoops. You wanna play.

BRIAN

Sure... You don’t mind do you

sweety.

HAILEY

No! No! go ahead please. I beg you.

PHIL

Dope! lets go shoot some hoops.

Phil, Luke and Brian exit. Hailey gets on her cell phone you

hear her say "Dylan?" very faint.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 13.

ALEX

Conceived? This guy Brian is

already thinking of conceiving.

CLAIRE

What?

ALEX

Well you heard him.

CLAIRE

Oh my God! You’re right.

ALEX

And did you see the way he was

holding her. Seems like their

getting really close.

CLAIRE

Motherfucker...

Jay and Gloria Enter. Over hearing.

JAY

Cursing now?

CLAIR

Dad! hey Gloria.

JAY

Last time you did that I almost had

to open up a can of whoop ass.

GLORIA

Well the whoop cream (whip cream)

comes in a bottle now.

They all look at Gloria confused but slowly realize she

confused whoop-ass for whip-cream

CUT TO:

INT: INTERVIEW CLAIRE COUCH.

CLAIRE

Ok, when I was younger. I dated a

black guy once. He was nice. But he

had a dirty... mouth. And I started

cursing a lot more. And one time my

Dad heard me and he slapped me. The

only time. After that I broke up

with Jamal and ... I went back.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 14.

Phil passes behind the couch with headphones listening to

loud rock music playing. He dances and plays air guitar, by

Led Zepplin.

PHIL

(guitar solo)

rrrrraaaaarrrrrr

TRANSITION TO:

EXT. BASKETBALL COURT

The Guitar transitions to a Kill Bill style slow motion walk

to the camera shot of Phil holding the ball and flanked by

Brian and Luke. He tries to give Brian a fist bump, but

Brian tries to give him a high five. They switch awkwardly

till Phil finally slaps Brian’s fist.

PHIL

Alright guys, we got the whole

court to ourselves.

LUKE

Dad there’s three us.

PHIL

Ok that’s fine. You two versus me.

I can take both you on.

LUKE

Uh Dad, I don’t think that’s a good

idea.

MANNY

(off screen)

Hey Dunphys!

Insert : Shot of Manny and Cam walking towards the camera in

Slow motion with desperado music. Manny crushes Grape Juice

box. They arrive.

MANNY

So you guys wanna get a game of

street ball.

PHIL

Yea bring it on Esse.

Phil laughs but no one gets the joke.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 15.

BRIAN

We still need one more player.

MANNY

Ok, how about Jay, JAY!

PHIL

oh no.

Jay perks up at the sounds of his name. Manny and the guys

are waving him on.

CLAIRE

oh no.

JAY

What do they want? Play basketball?

CLAIRE

Dad don’t go!

JAY

What why not?

CLAIRE

Because you’re ...

JAY

Old? Let me tell you something. I

may be little grey, but I got the

decades of experience.

GLORIA

It’s true. Some nights he’s goes on

forever.

CLAIRE

Ok eeewww... No Dad, I just don’t

want you going over there.

Jay extends his arms to stretch and twists his waist and

freezes with a crunch sound.

JAY

oooo...

CLAIRE

Oh my God! Dad you ok.

He unfreezes and hop steps towards the court laughing. He

was faking it. Claire clutches her heart.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 16.

GLORIA

He does that to me all the time.

One time when I was on top...

CLAIRE

Ok Gloria, not a comfortable with

this topic of conversation!

Jay walks over to the gang also in slow motion, we hear

Benny Goodman - Sing Sing.

JAY

So we gonna shoot some hoops! I

haven’t played in while.

PHIL

Yea I’m sure. Jay why don’t you I

be captains, so that way you’re not

on my team... I mean we’re not on

the same team.

JAY

ok

PHIL

I’ll let you pick first

JAY

Alright, I got Manny.

PHIL

(Physically grabs Brian

quickly)

I GOT BRIAN!

JAY

Cam.

Cam and Manny High Five and slap Butts.

PHIL

Alright! Luke.

JAY

Game on!

Phil, Brian, Luke huddle.

PHIL

Ok, they may have height. But we

got Flava!

Brian and Phil repeat the awkward Hand-slap / fist-bump.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 17.

PHIL

Ok Luke, if you’re in trouble just

pass it to Brian ok.

LUKE

Thanks coach.

PHIL

And Brian, do your thing, we can do

a couple of ally-oops ...

BRIAN

Ally what?

PHIL

Oops. Ally-oops. Am I saying it

wrong?

They get interrupted

MANNY

Come on we ain’t got all day. Your

ball first.

LUKE

Alright check it.

The ball is checked to Luke. Luke holds it for a while.

PHIL

Alright Luke, remember what I told

you. Don’t do anything stupid now.

Luke reluctantly passes to Brian. Brian dribbles awkwardly

for a second, terribly. And then lunges the ball which goes

right over the back board going out of bounds. Phil deflated

and confused looks at Brian. Brian shrugs embarrassed.

BRIAN

Oops...

PHIL

(under his breath)

oh boy

ACT III

18.

EXT. PARK BASKETBALL COURT

Jay Shoots and the ball goes in. Its game over. Jay, Manny,

Cameron cheer and high five. Phil soaked in sweat exhausted

just collapses and sits on the floor.

PHIL

I just don’t get it.

Brian sits sheepishly next to Phil.

BRIAN

I let you down.

PHIL

Uh yea! Why didn’t you tell me you

sucked at basketball.

BRIAN

Why did you assume I was good.

PHIL

You look ... athletic.

BRIAN

I play Baseball

PHIL

Now you tell me.

BRIAN

I’ve let you down Dad.

Phil puts his arm around Brian. Father/son moment?

PHIL

Look son. Sometimes life throws you

lemons. And we need to accept

challenges. Every day is a new day

... HEY wait a minute you’re not my

son. Luke where are you!

Luke and Manny and Cam and Jay have left the court and are

back at the park bench.

PHIL

Hey wait up! don’t leave me all

alone.

Phil runs back to the bench.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 19.

CLAIRE

Oh good you got rid of him.

PHIL

Who.

CLAIRE

Brian!

Brian runs back to the park bench.

CLAIR

Oh Hey!

BRIAN

Good game everyone.

JAY

Yea you too kid. Oh here’s your

ball back.

BRIAN

Oh that’s not my ball.

JAY

Oh so what can we do for you.

BRIAN

Nothing right now. Anyone seen

Hailey?

JAY

Hailey? How do you know Hailey?

CLAIR

School! Brian and Hailey go to

school together. Dad You played

really good.

JAY

You see I ain’t so old after all.

Hailey returns.

HAILEY

Brian can I talk to you.

BRIAN

Sure honey.

They walk off.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 20.

JAY

Did he just call her honey?

CLAIRE

Homey. He said Homey. Its like

slang Dad, come on your young and

hip now right?

In the distance we see but don’t hear Brian and Hailey

breaking up. Brian mopes off. Everyone watches. She walks

back.

HAILEY

Sorry, had to take care of that.

PHIL

You did not just... Did you?

CLAIRE

You guys were talking about Biology

right sweety.

HAILEY

No. I dumped his ass.

JAY

That was your boyfriend?

HAILEY

Ex-Boyfriend.

CLAIRE

I can’t believe you.

JAY

Hailey I’m not happy.

CLAIRE

Neither am I. The nerve.

JAY

You really have to be better than

that.

CLAIRE

Yea better than that.

JAY

That boy was really nice.

CLAIRE

What?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 21.

JAY

You can’t be treating men like

Kleenex. Besides at least he made

an effort to meet the family. I

would have loved to have gotten to

know him

CLAIRE

Wait, Dad, you liked him.

JAY

Yea, I mean I whopped his butt in

basketball but, he showed guts and

tried at least.

CLAIRE

So you’re ok with ... Black.

JAY

Oh course!

GLORIA

Your father is more open minded now

since marrying me. I opened him up

to new experiences. There is this

one position we tried ...

CLAIRE

OK, but still, Hailey darling. I

trust your judgment.

HAILEY

Hey its cool Dylan and I are back

together. Brian was too clingy.

GLORIA

You see Claire, Just because he was

black doesn’t mean anything. We

need to accept each other the way

we are.

HAILEY

Actually he’s Dominican.

GLORIA

But be careful with Dominican’s...

Trust me, I know.

MANNY

Yea Claire, Same way I’m a little

round. And Lilly is Asian, we’re

all different and we’re all family.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 22.

MITCHELL

Your right. You know we’re all

different and unique, and that’s

not something we should shy away

from. We need to embrace who we

are. I’m sorry Cam.

CAMERON

For what.

MITCHELL

For being...

CAMERON

For being Mitch? Yea I’m cool with

that

They Hug.

JAY

Ok now that we had our kumbaya

moment. Lets break out the chicken

and watermelon.

PHIL

Word!

Hailey and Alex roll their eyes.

END OF SHOW

MODERN FAMILY SPEC - I Love Black People.

April 18, 2011

Adrian Manzano

manzanony@gmail.com

320-626-9266