f irst i mpressions : w hat y ou d on ’ t k now a bout h ow o thers s ee y ou based on by: ann...
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FIRST IMPRESSIONS:WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT HOW OTHERS SEE YOU
Based on by:
Ann Demarais, Ph.D., Valerie White, Ph.D.
WHAT IS A FIRST IMPRESSION
A first impression is our first and sometimes only opportunity to provide someone with a sense of who we are – a sense that will most often be a lasting one
What makes a good first impression?
- A good first impression is the one that reflects the real you.
- If you are presenting the best of yourself, the self you want to share, then you are making the impression that is right for you.
PURPOSE OF THIS SESSION
To ensure that the first impression we are giving is the one that we want.
To do this: Some actors to demonstrate no-nos OPEN MIND First Impressions Self-Assessment Booklet
Test your “First Impressions” Style
SEVEN FUNDAMENTALS OF FIRST IMPRESSIONS
Accessibility Showing Interest Subject Matter Self Disclosure Conversational Dynamics Perspective Sex Appeal
ACCESSIBILITY Openness is the first part of a first impression
Smiling Making eye-contact Orienting yourself toward others
Making the introduction Passive vs. Active
Tone Not setting a positive tone is in essence setting a
negative tone
Primacy Effect
ACCESSIBILITY
Recognize your Positive Accessibility Behaviours
Recognize Common Miscommunications you may be exhibiting
Any interesting revelations?
SHOWING INTEREST
Interest is a gift you can give someone
Process: directing your physical energy Looking Leaning Non-verbally responding
Style: intensity of your curiosity How you compliment and show appreciation
ACTORS – Faux Segue ACTORS – That Reminds Me of Me
SUBJECT MATTER
The Usual Order Level 1: The Field- Where we are
Helps others feel relaxed around you Level 2: The Facts – What’s Happening
Safe, little risk of offending anyone Level 3: The Fun-Stuff – Ideas and Opinions
Here you will decide if you like one another
Topics Add topics and variety Give conversational partner opportunity to
change the subject
SUBJECT MATTER
Talking At (Duh-duh-duh for EWB)Teller and audience Style 1: Lecture Circuit
Data dump WARNING: Always a positive experience for the lecturer
Style 2: Storytelling ACTORS - Storytelling
Style 3: Sermonizing Delivered with the intention of convincing Instead try and leave an interaction having learnt
something from a different perspective Style 4: Telling Jokes
Alienating if others have to assume the role of audience
SELF DISCLOSURE
Be prepared to answer basic questions – imaginations are unforgiving
Share to connect Sends the message “I trust you,” “I value your
opinion”
ACTORS – Disclosure Agendas
Passions are Positive, Blunders are Sexy Avoid topics that put conversational partner
in nurturing role Complaints – NO ONE CARES
CONVERSATIONAL DYNAMICS
Energy and ability to synchronize outweigh what you say
Energy How much How fast How loud
Synchronize Take turns Yield the floor Mutually satisfying rhythm
ACTORS – I’m-really-interested-in-you-now-let-me-talk
ACTORS - Speed
CONVERSATIONAL DYNAMICS
Tips When you mimic the movements of your partner
it makes the interaction smoother
Women have a more negative view of interrupters regardless of the sex of the interrupter
PERSPECTIVE
How you see yourself and the world we live in
Situations out of your controlPeople judge you by the way you react to situations out
of your control
ACTORS – Situations out of your control ACTORS – Being combative
One Up Position One Down Position Parity Position
PERSPECTIVE
Your Outlook You have the power to bring out the positive or
the negative in someone, without the person even knowing it
When you convey a negative outlook you rob others the opportunity to enjoy the situation
ACTORS – Pollyanna Perils
Trait Transfer
SEX APPEAL
About showing appreciation for others, having confidence in your body and presenting a relaxed style of sexual expression
The way you feel about yourself impacts how others feel about themselves in your presence
LESSONS FOR EWB
Demonstrating openness with body language
Finding commonalities with conversational partner
Avoid talking at by: Allowing partner to
change topic
Sharing your feelings “I was apprehensive
asking for donations too”
“I was skeptical at first until…
Set a positive tone
Follow ‘usual order’
TWEAKING YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION Awareness
Review your tables Identify best and worst assets Reflect on secret sensitivities Garner feedback from trusted source
ChangingDISCOMFORT IS PART OF THE PROCESS
Psych yourself up Choose 1 behaviour Focus on reactions not behaviour Let go of “first nature”
Start Now Make a goal Reassess with tables Garner feedback