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WIN FUTURE LEGAL LEADERS PROGRAMME 2014

A Positive Outcome from Difficult Conversations www.dlapiperwin.com

A Positive Outcome from

Difficult Conversations

Simon Bernstein

www.empathy-communications.co.uk

Proactivity


Objectives

Be clear on how to structure the conversation

Have clarity on how to achieve objectives

Be aware of separating fact from belief

Be conscious of the types of difficult behaviour

Recognise and manage the distracting impact of emotions

Leave with confidence to be successful in facing your vital

conversations


Communication Model

Sender Medium

Message Receiver

Encoding Decoding

Noise

Feedback

Noise

Noise

What Are The Filters?

Language

Experience

Mis-matching

Selectivity

Status differences

Time constraints

Overload

Emotional state

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Filtering

Distort

Delete Generalise


Communication Style Questionnaire

Active

Connector

Theorist

Purposeful


Communication Impact

Verbal, visual and vocal

Active listening

Emotional intelligence

Rapport

Empathy

Filters

Assertion

Style

Constructing an Effective Message

Current

perception

Objective

Features Benefits

Structure

Delivery


Preparing the Mind


Human v Chimp

Plan and

action

Fact

Logical thinking

Truth


Plan and

action

Feelings

Emotional thinking

Impressions

Emotional v Logical


Emotional Thinking

Jumps to an opinion

Thinks in black and

white

Paranoid

Catastrophic

Irrational

Logical Thinking

Evidence based

Rational

In context & with

perspective

Shades of grey &

balanced judgement

The Process


Input

Event

Offer

Accepts

OK

Rejects Angry

chimp

ReacTioN

or

Response Positive: Controlled: Assertive: Looking forward

Negative: Emotional: Aggressive: Looking back

React or Respond?

Managing the Chimp


Exercise Exercise

Assertiveness

Objective

Rights &

beliefs

Rational

inner

dialogue

Feelings

Maintain

relevance

Behaviour

Outcome


Reframing

I want to find out

what led them to this

action

This is a ridiculous

thing for someone to

do

This is bound to end

up in conflict

I can influence the

outcome by the way

I behave

I haven’t got time for

this. I have got more

important things to do

If I get this right I will

resolve a problem

which takes up so

much time.

Difficult Behaviour

The story

so far

Ignore

the

chimp

Take a

step

back

Acknowledge

your feelings

Let the

observer

be curious

Acknowledge

the other

persons

emotions

Give them

space

www.empathy-

communications.co.uk

Dare to be different!



Simon Bernstein


Silence

Ask open questions

Don’t butt in

Give him time to talk

The Deflector

Pin them to the facts

Focus on the future

Ask open questions to recognise why they

think what they think

Use “you” in questions

Agree actions

Negativity

Don’t be distracted

Avoid judgements

Describe the behaviour

Ask what they or others can change

Defensiveness

Don’t get bogged down by analysing the

character

Be as informal as possible

Ask questions like “what would you think if you

were in my situation”.

Anger

Don’t react

Avoid trigger phrases

Stay cool and reassuring

Summarise frequently

Stick to relevant facts

Dare to be different!



Simon Bernstein


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