Coping with Difficult PeopleCoping with Difficult Peopleby Robert M. Bramson 1988

Hostile Aggressive:Sherman Tank

Abusive, abrupt, intimidating, overwhelmingAttack personal behaviors and characteristicsA need to prove s/he is rightA need to prove s/he is right

The SniperPot shots, innuendoes, non-playful teasing,Pot shots, innuendoes, non playful teasing, subtle digs, don’t like confrontation

The Exploderfill d k bl i iTantrums, rage filled attacks, blame, suspicion

Coping Plan for Sherman TanksGive them a little time to run down Jump in any way you can p y y yGet their attention (proximity, call by name) Get them to sit down Maintain Eye Contact yState your opinions forcefully Don’t argueDon t argue

Coping Plan for SnipersSurface the attack Provide a peaceful alternative to aProvide a peaceful alternative to a direct contest Seek group confirmation or denialSeek group confirmation or denial of the Sniper’s criticismM t l blMove on to solve any problems that arise

Coping Plan for ExplodersGive them time to run downIf they don’t run down, cut into the y ,tantrum with a neutral phrase like “stop”Show them that you take them seriouslyIf possible, take a breather with them to the side and in private

Complainers:May point out real problems, but rarely wants to solve them yFeel powerless to determine fate Strong sense of how others shouldStrong sense of how others should behave (prescriptive)S lf lid ti th t th t iSelf-validating that they are not in control or responsible for things that

d ( f ti i )are done wrong (perfectionism)

Coping Plan for ComplainersListen attentively Acknowledge what they are saying Don’t agree with them or apologizeAvoid the accusation-defense-re-

tiaccusationState and acknowledge facts Try to get them into a problem solvingTry to get them into a problem-solving mode (ask questions, assign tasks, etc.)If all else fails, ask “How do you wantIf all else fails, ask How do you want this discussion to end?”

ClamsSilent and unresponsive or responds with yes, no or gruntMay use body language (staring, glaring, frowning, folded arms)This may occur for different reasons

Defensive, denying access, distrust, idi lit k f llavoiding reality, mask fears, sullen anger,

spiteful

Coping Plan fo ClamsCoping Plan for ClamsGet the clam to open up Ask open-ended questions Wait for a response, don’t fill silence with conversation Plan time to wait with composureIf no response, comment on it If they open, be attentive and don’t gusht ey ope , be atte t e a d do t gusIf Clam stays closed, avoid a polite ending, end the meeting, and set e d g, e d e ee g, a d seanother appointment

Super AgreeablesStrong need to be liked Make others feel likedMake others feel liked Tell you things that are satisfying to hearto hearCommit to unrealistic actionsLead you to believe that there is agreement and then let you down

Coping Plan for SuperCoping Plan for Super Agreeables

Surface the underlying facts and issues that prevent them from taking action L h k h l hLet them know that you value them as people Ask them to tell you about things thatAsk them to tell you about things that might interfere with your good relationship Be ready to compromise and negotiateListen to the humor for hidden messages

NegativistCriticizes the group processBelieve that everything will failBelieve that everything will fail (skeptic)Negative statements are madeNegative statements are made with conviction B li th i d tBelieve those in power do not care

Coping Plan for NegativistBe alert to being dragged down Make realistic, optimistic statements , pDo not try to argueDo not offer solutions-alternatives untilDo not offer solutions alternatives until the problem has been thoroughly discussed Raise negative statements yourself Be ready to take action on your own

Know-it-allsBulldozers

Tone of certainty, condescending Imposing Assigns blameMake others feel stupid

BalloonsAct knowledgeable, arrogant Curious and alert to information

Coping Plan for BulldozersPrepare yourself Listen carefully and acknowledgeListen carefully and acknowledge Do not challenge, use questions M it b lld iMonitor your own bulldozing tendenciesAs a last resort, choose to subordinate yourself

Coping Plan for BalloonsRestate facts Give him/her a way out save faceGive him/her a way out, save faceBe ready to fill conversation gap C ith hi /h lCope with him/her alone

IndecisivesPerfectionist at heartUnable to cope with stressUnable to cope with stressSuper-helpful P t d i iPostpones decisions, procrastinates Hint and beat around the bush

Coping Plan forCoping Plan for Indecisives

Make it easy for them to tell you about conflicts or reservationsLi f i di d h i iListen for indirect words, hesitations, and omissions Help them resolve problems whenHelp them resolve problems when issues have surfaced Help them examine factsHelp them examine facts Give support after the decision Watch for signs of anger or withdrawalg g