stop, drop and roll addressing conflict

STOP, DROP AND ROLL

FOR YMCA PROFESSIONALS

BY LISA PAVIA-HIGEL, ASSISTANT PROFESSOR, JEFFERSON COLLEGE

LET ME TELL YOU A STORY

WHAT ARE WE DOING? IT’S FRIDAY!!!

http://www.slideshare.net/LisaPaviaHigel/stop-drop-and-roll-addressing-conflict

WE’RE GETTING WORSE -THE

MORE TECH WE USE….

Less able to read nonverbal

Less eye contact

Conflict adverse

Reduced empathy

Focus on task-oriented communication

“continuous partial attention”

Pphubbing Information from:2012 -Journal of Applied Psychology2016 –Computers in Human Behavior2012-Pew Research Center2016-Computer

http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20130828-the-crucial-skill-new-hires-lack

Value information over insight

WHAT DO YOU ALREADY KNOW? • PERCENT OF NONVERBAL TO VERBAL?• NUMBER OF EXPRESSIONS THE FACE CAN MAKE? • HOW GOOD CAN YOU GET?• WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD IN OTHER SEMINARS?

JUST THREE STEPS• STOP-AND CREATE A GOOD ENVIRONMENT TO

PREVENT CONFLICT• DROP-WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO DIFFUSE TENSION• ROLL-A BAD CONVERSATION INTO A GOOD ONE

• THIS PRESENTATION WILL BE AVAILABLE AT SLIDESHARE- WITH ACTIVE LINKS.

COULD BE WORSE….COULD BE A BUDGET TRAINING…

GREEN LIGHT-AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION• VERBALLY• ARMOR THE MESSENGER TO PREVENT SURPRISES• USE CONVERGENT AND AFFILIATION LANGUAGE-BUT NOT TOO MUCH• ANSWER BIDS BY TURNING TOWARD AND AVOIDING SARCASM

• NONVERBALLY• OPEN POSTURE• GIVE DOMINANCE • REMOVE BARRIERS

ARMOR THE MESSENGER

• CALM OVER BUSY• PEOPLE LISTENING VS. TASK LISTENING• PRAISE BAD NEWS GIVEN EARLY

We, Our, UsLow Power Distance

Familiar Slang and

Jargon

They, Them, Those- High

Power Distance

Unfamiliar Slang and

Jargon

GOTTMAN’S LOVE LAB-THE MASTERS AND THE DISASTERS

• HTTP://WWW.THEATLANTIC.COM/HEALTH/ARCHIVE/2014/06/HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER/372573/• MASTERS• ANSWERED BIDS WITH TURNING TOWARD• FOCUSED ON WHAT WAS GOING RIGHT• AVOID CRITICISM AND CONTEMPT • ARE CONNECTED AND KIND• USES ACTIVE CONSTRUCTION TO CELEBRATE WINSWAIT….THIS IS FOR MARRIAGE…WHY DOES IT APPLY HERE?

NONVERBAL OPENNESS BEHAVIORS

• Positive Minimal Response-Zimmerman/West 75

• Handshakes and other touch• Postures • Eye contact• Remove physical barriers • Turn away from tech• Give dominance

YELLOW LIGHT-SPOTTING TROUBLE• VERBALLY• STOP ENCODING!• LISTEN FOR TONE-CLIPS, BITES AND UPTONE• LISTEN FOR THINKING FALLACIES• RESPOND WITH PERCEPTION CHECKING AND PARAPHRASING

• NONVERBALLY• WATCH FOR ADAPTORS AND CLINCHING• LOOK FOR ENTRENCHMENT AND MASKING• RESPOND WITH OPEN ANGLES AND INTEREST

The goal here is to avoid defensiveness-once it happens, the conversation is over!

THINKING FALLACIES• OVERGENERALIZATION-RESPOND WITH SPECIFICS• HELPLESSNESS-RESPOND WITH EMPOWERMENT• CATASTROPHIC EXPECTATIONS-RESPOND WITH

PROBLEM SOLVING• CAUSATION-RESPOND BY REFRAMING• POLARIZATION-RESPOND BY PERSPECTIVE TAKINGBeck-1972

TWO VERBAL SKILLS-PERCEPTION CHECKING AND PARAPHRASE• PERCEPTION CHECK-VERIFIES YOU

ASSUMPTIONS:• STATE BEHAVIOR• TWO POSSIBLE INTERPRETATIONS FOR THAT

BEHAVIOR• ASK FOR VERIFICATION

• PARAPHRASE-VERIFIES WHAT YOU’VE HEARD:• INTERPRET BOTH EMOTION AND THE

CONTENT IN YOU OWN WORDS• ASK FOR VERIFICATION

NONVERBAL ANXIETY BEHAVIORS • Masking

• The “I want to speak” signal• Entrenchment• Adaptors

Helpful Link: How to Read Body Language-Life Hacker

RED LIGHT-CONFLICT TIME• VERBALLY• KEEP CULTURE IN MIND• IDENTIFY THE CONFLICT STYLE AND CAUSE• LISTEN FOR RANTING CIRCLES AND THE KITCHEN SINK• GIVE THE MAGIC MINUTE-THEN PROVE IT• SAY YES….ASK YES-BRING THEM ONTO YOUR TEAM

• NONVERBALLY• WATCH THE FACE, KEEP EYE CONTACT• GIVE BARRIER AND CREATE SPACE• DON’T “FACE OFF” AND REMOVE BARRIERS

CONFLICT STYLES AND AIMS• AIMS• PSEUDOCONFLICT-DISPLACEMENT, CULTURE,

ENGAGEMENT• VALUE CONFLICT-”PRINCIPLE OF THE THING”• POLICY CONFLICT-”I DON’T LIKE THE RULE…”• STYLES• PASSIVE-AVOIDS-BREEDS

RESENTMENT• PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE-MARTYR-TAKE

ON MORE• AGGRESSIVE-FIGHTER-LOUD AND

PROUD• ASSERTIVE-MEDIATOR-LET’S

PROBLEM SOLVE

THANK YOU• QUESTIONS?• EMAILLISAMARIEPAVIA@GMAIL.COM• FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @LISAMARIEPAVIA• FOLLOW THE BLOG: WWW.EPICUREANMANIFESTO.COM• COMING SOON! PODCAST AND YOUTUBE