all write - fiction advice_ april 2014

2/23/2015 AllWriteFictionAdvice:April2014

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SA T URDA Y , 2 6 A PR I L 2 0 1 4

DialogueDilemmasPart2

Technicalities

Inpart1ofDialogueDilemmaswelookedatthegroundrulesforcreatingmultifunctional,realisticdialogue.

Butwhataboutthenittygritty,thetechnicalsideofcreatingdialogue?Wheredoyoustartanewlineofdialogue?Whataboutinternalthoughts,howshouldtheybepresented?Howdoyoucorrectlysetoutdialogue?Whataboutquotationmarks?

Thesequestionsallrelatetothetechnicalsideofwritingdialogue,thethingsyouhavetogetright.Unlikealotoffictionwriting,therearenobendingruleswheredialogueisconcerned.

Thefirstthingthatallwritersshouldlearnishowtocorrectlyformatdialogue,i.e.setitoutcorrectly.

DialogueFormatting

Itsimportantthatyouclearlydenotewhoisspeakingforyourreader,sodialoguemustalwaysbeclear.Therearestilllotsofwriterswhodontusethiscorrectly.

Firstly,wheneveracharacterspeaks,alwaysstartanewparagraph.Dontmaketheclassicmistakeoftaggingonecharactersdialogueontothesamelineas

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anothercharactersdialogue.Forinstance:

Itsgettingdark.Weshouldmakecampsoon,Davidsaid.Butwerenotfarfromthesettlement,arewe?Janeasked.

ThisisconfusingforthereaderandgrammaticallyincorrectbecauseJanesdialogueshouldnotappeartaggedontotheendofDavids.Remember,anewparagraphdenotesanewlineofdialogue:

Itsgettingdark.Weshouldmakecampsoon,Davidsaid.

Butwerenotfarfromthesettlement,arewe?Janeasked.

Thesameconceptappliesformultiplecharacterstalkingwithinascene.Eachonestillneedsanewline.Forinstance:

IknewhewasshiftythemomentIsawhim,Johnsaid.

Butyoudontevenknowhim,Paulsaid.

Hesjustmakingassumptions,asusual,Granmuttered.Likehealwaysdoes.

Johnrecoiled.Thatsnottrue!

Youcanseethateachtimeacharacterspeaksthereisanewlinethatshowsthereader.Thereisnoconfusionwhichcharacterisspeakingandwhen.

Butwhatifyouneedthecharactertoperformanactionwhileinconversation?Orperhapstheymayhavealongsectionofdialogue.Howdoyoutacklethis?

Writersuseanactioninterjection.Thatmeansyoucaninserttheactionwithinthesameparagraphasthedialogue,becausethisdenotesthecharacterisstillspeakingwhileperformingtheaction.

Itdoesntmeanyouhavetostartanewparagraphforthecharactersaction,unlessthecharacterhasfinishedspeakingcompletely,nordoyouneedtomakeanewlinetocarryonthecharactersdialogueaftertheaction.

Thiscanbeaconfusingconcept,soIwilldemonstrate

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withanexampleofincorrectdialoguestructure:

Imreadywhenyouare,Jakesaid.

Weshouldsneakintothetownatnightfall,Davidsaid.Itwillbeeasierforus,lesschanceofusbeingspotted.

Herubbedfrostfromhiseyes,blinkedafewtimes.

Firstpriorityistofindsomewherewarmtoshelter.

ItsclearfromthisexamplethatsplittingDavidsdialogueandtheactionhasmadeitconfusingforthereader,becauseitsnotentirelyclearwhoissayingFirstpriorityistofindsomewherewarmtoshelter.DidDavidsayitordidJake?Anditsnotclearwhoisperformingtheaction,either.

Theideahereistogivethereaderclarityandavoidambiguity,soifyoukeepthecharactersactionwithinthesamesentenceasthedialogue,youavoidconfusion:

Imreadywhenyouare,Jakesaid.

Weshouldsneakintothetownatnightfall,Davidsaid.Itwillbeeasierforus,lesschanceofusbeingspotted.Herubbedfrostfromhiseyes,blinkedafewtimes.Firstpriorityistofindsomewherewarmtoshelter.

Thisversionisgrammaticallycorrectanditsstructuredproperly.ItsclearwhoisspeakingDavidandthenarrativeshowshimperforminganactionbeforehecontinuesspeakingagain.Thedialoguehasbeenenhancedbyanactioninterjection.

DialoguePunctuation

Punctuationisoneofthosethingsthatnotallwritersfullyunderstand.Therearesomeselfpublishedwriterswhohavemadesometerribleerrorswhenitcomestodialoguepunctuation,writerswhohaventtakenthetimetolearnthecraftofwriting.

Itmeanstheyoftentheymissthebasicsofdialoguepunctuation,thingslikemakingsurethatthefirstwordofalineofdialogueiscapitalised.Evenifitisntthefirstwordofthesentence,thefirstlettermustalways

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becapitalised:

Jonsaid,Makemeastrongblackcoffee

Evenfictionnonexpertswillspotthesebasicerrors.Oneisonetoomanyandspoilsthereadingexperience.

Placecommascorrectly

Ifyouareusingatagsuchashesaid/shesaidinordertoidentifythespeaker,thenyoumustinsertacommadirectlyafterthelastwordofdialogue,asthisdenotesaprotractionofthespeaker,forexample:

Ineedtogetanewcellphone,shesaid.

Ishouldhaveknown,hesaid.

Thecommasafterphoneandknownshowtheextensionofthespeakingcharacter.Iftherearenotags,however,thenitssimplyamatterofendingthedialoguewithafullstop.

Ineedanewcellphone.

Sometimesyoumightseeaninterjectionofaspeechtag,oracombinationoftagandaction,withinthedialogue.Thispausesthesentence,beforethedialoguecontinuesafterthespeechtagoraction.Forinstance:

Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid,andwellbestrollingdownMontmartre.

Youllnoticethatthecontinuationofthedialogue,andwellbestrolling,alsobeginsinlowercaseratherthanbeginningwithacapitalletter.Thisisbecausethesecondpartofthedialogueisaprotractionofthesentence.Theshesaidisaninterjectionbetweenclauses.

Youcandothesamewithanadditionalaction,forinstance:

Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid,adjustingherglasses,andwellbestrollingdownMontmartre.

Thesamesentencecanbestructuredusingafullstop

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instead.Butratherthangivingapauseinthedialogue,itgivesaclearindicationoftheendofthedialogue.Andthistime,thesecondpartofthedialoguestartswithacapitallettertoshowanewsentence.

Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid.WellbestrollingdownMontmartre.

Again,thesameconventionappliesifyouwanttoaddactionafterthespeechtag.

Thistimetomorrow,wellbeinParis,shesaid.Sheadjustedherglasses.WellbestrollingdownMontmartre.

Becarefultoplacecommasandfullstopscorrectly.Again,itsworthreiteratingthatthesewillbespottedbyagents/publishers,editorsandreaders.

InPart3wellcontinueourlookatthetechnicalitiesofcorrectlyformattingandpunctuatingdialogue,sothatyouavoidanydialoguedilemmas.

Nextweek:DialogueDilemmasPart3POSTEDBYAJ HUMPAGEATSATURDAY, APRIL 26, 20142COMMENTS: L INKSTOTHISPOST

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DialogueDilemmasPart1GroundRulesDialogueisstraightforwardifyouknowhowtodoitproperly,andshouldntpresentanyproblems,butlatelyIveseenmanyselfpublishedbooksthatuseincorrectorbadlystructureddialogue.Writersarestillgettingitwrong.Ifyouwanttogodowntherouteoftraditionalpublishing,i.e.findinganagentorpublisher,thenitsparamountthatthesillymistakesfoundalloverselfpublishedworkisntapparentwhenyousubmittoaneditorforscrutiny.

Dialogueshouldbecorrectandproperlystructured,

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whichmeanswritersshouldbeawareofgroundrules.Onceyouknowthosegroundrules,youcanconcentrateonthetechnicalityofconstructingdialogue.

Movethestoryforward

Firstly,dialogueisnecessarytomovethestoryforward.Thatmeansitshouldbeconcise,itshouldgettothepointandrelaypertinentinformationtothereaderaspartofthecontinuingstoryarc.

Dialogueshouldneverturnintoaninfodumpinotherwords,dontfillyoursceneswithhugechunksofdialoguerelayingbackstoryorunimportantdetails.Thiscanputyourreaderoff,plusitmeansthestoryarchaslostfocus.

Heresasimpleexamplecommontomanywritersthedialoguebackstory/infodump:

Amystaredatthegreyslime.Wellneedtogetsamplesofthisstuff.

IknowallaboutmolecularbiologybecauseIstudieditatuniversityandIspentseveralyearstraininginthefield,Dansaid.ThatmeansImwellqualifiedtoassessthissituationwithmyexperience,Iveworkedwithmostofthetopbiologists

Thisisenoughtosendthereadertosleep.TheinformationaboutDanandhisqualificationsandexperienceisntnecessaryindialoguebecauseitsoundstoostiltedandfeigned.Backgroundinformationshouldbesprinkledthroughthenarrativeaspartofhischaracterisation.

Thedialoguecouldbewrittenlikethisinstead:

Amystaredatthegreyslime.Wellneedtogetsamplesofthisstuff.

Iagree,Dansaid.Icanrunseveraltestsbackatthelab,seeifwecanextractsomeDNAandfindoutwhatcreaturethiscamefrom.

Thesecondexampleismoreconciseitgetstothepointandmovesthestoryforward.

Realism

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Theotherthingtorememberisthatdialogueshouldberealistic,toapoint.Ineverydaylife,conversationscandragonaboutperipheral,unimportantstuffandoftenfilledwithstrangepausesandlotsofumsetc.TheymaysayEroreh?alot.Theyespeciallysay,youknowandlikeaswell.Forexample:

Hewaslike,youknow,reallyfriendlyandeverything,and,well,IreallylikedhimandIwishedIdgivenhimmynumber,youknow?

Thedialoguecanstillretainasenseofrealism,butwithoutthecolloquialisms.Thesearethethingsyouleaveout.Forexample:

HewasfriendlyandIreallylikedhim.IjustwishIdgivenhimmynumber.

Anotherimportantgroundruleistousecorrectdialoguetags.Hesaidandshesaidbecomealmostinvisibletothereaderafterawhilehowever,writersshouldntrelyonthemtooheavily.Instead,structuresentencessoyoudontalwayshavetousethem.

Thesameruleappliesfortheuseofmoredescriptivetagssuchasshewhinedorhecriedetc.Manywritersstillusethese,wheninrealitytheyrerarelyrequiredifyouvegotsentencestructuresright.Forexample:

Whydidyoudoit?shewailed.

Theuseofshewailedisunnecessaryandweakensthedialogue.Thewaytocutouttheneedforthemistoinsertnarrativeinordertoshowcharactertheemotions,forexample:

Tearsfellacrosshercheeks.Hervoicepitched.Whydidyoudoit?

Thisversionremovestheneedforsillydialoguetagsandshowsthereaderthatthecharacterisemotionalsimplybymentioningthetearsandpitchedvoice.Itsthateasytostepawayfromthehabitofunnecessarydialoguetags.

DialogueLength

Anothersimilarmethodtotheexampleaboveistoadd

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characteractionsinbetweendialoguetoaddatouchofrealism.Ifyoufindthatyouvewrittenaparticularlylongsectionofdialogue,thencharacteractionshelpsbreakupthedialogueintomanageablesections,forexample:

ItwasonlywhenIgottothebedroomthatInoticedshedgone,Dansaid.Ineverheardathing,notthedooropeningorthestairscreaking,absolutelynothing,butIguessyoudontwheninadeepsleep.Herubbedhistemples.NowIfeelsoterriblethatIdidntwake,Icouldnthelpher

Youcanseethattheinsertionofactionbreaksthelengthofdialogueandhelpspacethesentences.Itsnotamust,buttheyreagoodwaytoslipinlittlesnippetsoftone,tensionandemotion,andtheyalsoallowthereadertopausebrieflybeforecontinuing.

Varythedialoguelengths,givethempace.Contrarytobadadviceoutthere,noteverysentenceneedstobeshortandtothepointinthebeliefthatreadersattentionspansdemandit.Thatsprettydemeaningtoyourreader.Longersectionsofdialoguearejustacceptableasshortones.Justmakesureyoupacethemandaddcharacteractionstobreakthemupandmaketheminteresting.

Dialect

Thisseemstobotheralotofwritersbecausetheyassumethattheyhavetogivetheircharactersavarietyofaccentstomakethecharactermorerealmeaningtheyhavetowritedialogueusingthataccent.

Thisisnotabadthing,ifusedcorrectlyandsparingly,butthedownsideisthatyoucouldconfusethereaderifitsusedtoomuch.Readingitwillbecomeachoreitwillputthereaderoff,andyourcharacterwillsoundlikeacaricature.

Theruleisalwaysaboutbalance.Usedialect,butdontletitovershadowthedialogue.Lessissometimesmore.

Grammar

Unlikeyournarrative,whichmustalwaysbegrammaticallycorrect,dialogueistheexception.Itdoesnthavetobegrammaticallycorrect,especially



withcharactersusingdialectorslang,becausethisformspartofthecharactersvoiceanditretainsahintofrealismofactualspeech.

Thatsaid,aswithdialects,dontoverdoit,otherwiseitbecomesannoyingtothereader.Keepabalanceanddontletitovershadowtherestofthedialogue.

So,thosearethegroundrules.Thethingtorememberwithdialogueisthatitismultifunctionalitdoesmanythingsallatonce.Dialoguesetsthescene,itimpartspertinentinformation,itforeshadows,itenablescharacterisationandrealismanditmovesthestoryforwardaspartofthestoryarc.

Nextweekwelllookatthetechnicalaspectsofdialoguestructure,andmoreimportantly,howtoformatdialoguecorrectly.

Nextweek:DialogueDilemmasPart2

POSTEDBYAJ HUMPAGEATSUNDAY, APRIL 20, 20147COMMENTS: L INKSTOTHISPOST


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HowtoAvoidBadWritingPart3

Inthefinalinstalmentofhowtoavoidbadwriting,welltakealookatafewmorecommonerrorsthatwritershaventyetunderstood,orhavechosentoignoreattheirownperil.

Therearequiteafew,butIvehighlightedtheonesthatcropupallthetimeinnarrative,commonerrorsthatcanbeandshouldbeavoided.

Adverbs

Oneofmanythingsthatdrivemecrazyistheuseoftoomanylyadverbs(althoughtheyrenottobeconfusedwithadjectivesthatendinly).

Adverbsareusedtomodifyaverb,anadjective,or




anotheradverb.Theyrewordsthatdontreallybelonginthenarrativethatsnottosayyouhavetoeliminatealltracesofthem,becauseyoudonthavetogothatfar.Someareneededatcertainpointsandcanbeuseful,butonthewhole,manyareunwelcome.Forexample:

Shelookedupathimlovingly,hisfacesofetchinglyconstructed

Thisisthekindofstufffoundinalotofromancestylenovels,anditsawful.Theuseofadverbsweakensthesentence.Itseemsasthoughmanywritershavelefttheircreativitybehindtheydontconsiderthepowerandstrengthofthewordsintheirsentencestructures.

Theuseofadverbsalsoincludesthembeingusedasdialoguetags,too.Onceagain,theyweakenthedialogueinthesamewayadverbsweakennarrative.

Oh,Ididntseeyouthere,shesaid,falteringly.

Thissentenceisbetter:Shefaltered.Oh,Ididntseeyouthere.

Yourplaceormine?hewhisperedlustily.

Thissentenceisbetter.Hisvoicebrimmedwithlust.Yourplaceormine?

Adverbsareuniversallyhated,simplybecausetoomanywillmakeyournarrativelookasthoughatenyearoldwroteit.Andnotonlythat,buteditorshatethem.Soifyouareouttoimpresseditorswithyourwritingskills,firstmakesurethatyouhaventlitteredyournovelwithadverbs.

HangingParticiples

Myabsolutefavouritethingtohateaboutfictionwriting.

IdetestseeingthesewheneverIcritique,somuchsoitmakesmebreathfire.AndifIhatethemsomuch,imaginewhatagentsandeditorsthinkaboutthem

Neverstartasentencewithahangingparticiple.Ifyouwanttocreateambiguity,oryouwanttoconfusethereaderifyouwanttoweakenthesentencestructureandmakeitlooklikeyour7yearoldniecewroteit,oryouwanttomakeyourpotentialagentchokeonhis



coffeewithyourlazywriting,thengoaheadandhangyourparticiples.

If,ontheotherhand,youwanttoachieveacorrect,tightandunambiguoussentencestructure,thenavoidstartingyoursentenceswiththem.Ifyourenotconvinced,takealookatthesebeauties:

Carryinghercoffee,shestormedintoDereksoffice.

Turningfromthedoor,hesawtheshadowinthecorner.

Reachingforherphone,sheknewshehadtocallhermother.

Thereisnothingremotelygoodabouttheseexamples.Andstillwritersstarttheirsentenceslikethis.

Instead,takethetimetoreadwhatyouhavewritten,learntospotadverbsandhangingparticiples.Learntobecreativewithsentenceslearntocareaboutwhatyouwrite.

Flatnarrative

Anothercauseofbadwritingisflatnarrative(telling,notshowing).Thisisdowntoeitherthewriterisntthatconfidentaboutwritingdescriptivescenes,theyreafraidandnotsureaboutthem,ortheyvebeenadvisedthattoomuchdescriptionspoilsthestory.

Thereseemstobealotofcontradictoryadviceabouthowdescriptivenarrativeshouldbe.Ononehandtherearethosethatlovedescription,becausewhenproperlyuseditbuildsapictureforthereader.Thenontheotherhand,thereisasturdycontingentofantinarrativefolkswhoareadvisingwriterstokeepitsimple.

Ipersonallythinkbalanceisimportant.Thinkofdescriptionasthecementbetweenyourbuildingblocks.Withoutit,thereisntmuchsupport.Itsthatsimple.

Thosewhoadviseagainstbeingdescriptivearenothelpingwriterstheyrehinderingthecreativeprocess.Descriptivenarrativeisamustallyouhavetodoasawriteriskeepthebalancebetweensoundingflatandboring,orbeingcolourfulandevocative.



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Noteveryscenewillrequirelotsofdescription,butyourkeyscenes,thosethatarerelevantandneedatmosphereandtone,sensesandsurroundingsetc.,aretheretohelpthereaderbuildamentalpicture,anddorequireit.

Heresanexample:

Helookedaheadthroughtheforest.Therewasnoonearound.Thecoastwasclearandhemadehiswaybacktothefarmhouse.

Whilethereisnothingessentiallywronghere,thereisntmuchforthereadertoworkwith.Thenarrativeisflat.Itstellingratherthanshowing.And,surprisingly,somepeopleadvocatethissimplisticapproachtodescription.Thatsfine,butletscompareitwithsomedescriptiveelementsadded:

Helookedaheadthroughtheforest,sensespricked.Therewasnoonearoundandnosound,exceptformuffledheartbeatinhisears.Silencecoiledbetweenbarrenbranchesandsweptlowacrossthesnow.Cautious,hemadehiswaybacktothefarmhouse.

Thissecondexampledoesntoverpowerwithdescription,howeverthistimethereareenoughsnippetsofinformationtohelpthereadervisualisethescene.Itsbalanced,andthatswhatwritersshouldbelookingfor.

Badwritingdisappearswithexperience.Themoreyouwrite,thebetteryoubecome.Thebetteryoubecome,themoreexperiencedyoubecomewitheditingandspottingyourownerrors,sothereisnoexcuseforbadwritingonceyouhavegainedsomeexperience.

Nextweek:DialogueDilemmasPOSTEDBYAJ HUMPAGEATSATURDAY, APRIL 12, 20142COMMENTS: L INKSTOTHISPOST


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all write - fiction advice_ april 2014

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