6 months birth to

In a nutshell•Disciplinemeansteaching.Youareyourchild’steacherfrombirth.•Yourbabylearnstotrustwhenyoumeethisneeds.•Whenyourbabytrustsyou,hewillbemorelikelytofollowyourguidancelateron.•Youngbabiesdonotmisbehave.

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Youmightnotthinkthatdisciplineandbabiesgotogether.Disciplineisreallyteaching.Youareyourbaby’steacherfrombirth.Disciplineisnotthesameaspunishment.Itisteachingyourchildwhattodoindifferentsituations.Disciplinestartswithtrust.

Trustisthefoundationfordiscipline.Whenyourbabycries,sheneedssomething.Shemaybehungryortiredorneedtobeheld.Whenyoumeetyourbaby’sneedassoonassheexpressesit,shelearnstotrustyoutomakeherfeelbetter.Childrenlearnbestwhentheytrustthepersonwhoisteachingthem.

Whenyouareabletoreadyourbaby’scuesandunderstandwhatheneeds,youareget-tingtoknowyourbaby.Thisisn’talwayseasy.Relaxandfocusonyourchild.Youcanstarttobuildatrustingrelationshipnow,whenheisjustababy.Whenyourchildtrustsyou,hewillbemorelikelytofollowyourguidancewhenheisolder.

Youngbabiesdonotmisbehave.Theyhaven’tdevelopedtheabilitytothinkaheadorthememorytodisobeytheirparentsonpurpose.Thatdoesn’tmeanthatyouwon’tfeelfrustrat-edorgetangrywithyourbaby.Keepinmindthatyourbabyisn’tdoingwhatannoysyouonpurpose.Sheisjusttryingtogetherneedsmetanddothingswhichdriveherdevelopment.

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•Gotoyourbabyandmeetherneedsassoonaspossiblewhenshecries.Youcan’tspoilababylessthan6monthsofage.

•Learntoreadyourbaby’scuessoyouwillknowwhatsheneeds.Beawareofwhenshegetshungry,orwhatcalmsherdownwhensheneedstosleep.Whenyoucananticipateherneeds,youwillbehelpinghertobecalmandsatisfied.

•Gentletouchworksbestwithbabies.Theycravebeingheldandcuddled.Neverhitorshakeyourbaby.Harshphysicalpunishmentdoesn’tworkbecausebabiesdon’tmisbehave.Babiescanbeseriouslyinjuredwhenadultsareoutofcontrol.

• Ifyoubegintofeeloutofcontrolwhilecaringforyourbaby,putherinhercriboranothersafeplaceandtakeafewminutesforyourself.Talktoatrustedfriendorprofessionalifyoufeeloutofcontroloften.CalltheParentLinkWarmlineat1-800-552-8522.

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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’sBirth to 6 Months

6 to 12 months

In a nutshell•Babiesarenaturalexplorers!•Setlimitsandsticktothem,butwithkindnessandfirmness.•Babyproofingiseasierthansaying“No!”•Distractyourbabytoencouragethebehavioryouwant.

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Ifyourbabyis6or7monthsold,getready!Abigchangeisabouttohappen.Yourlittleonewillsoonbemobile!Yourbabyisanaturalexplorer.Herdevelopingcuriositymakesherwanttomovearoundherworld.Yourbabywillsoonbecreeping,crawlingandthenwalk-ing.Andshewillwanttoexploreeverythingshecangetto.She’snotmisbehaving;she’sbehavinglikeanexplorerwithawholenewworldtoconquer.

Asyourbabybeginstomovearound,youmayrealizeyouneedtosetsomelimitstokeepher—andyourfavoritepossessions—safe.Limitsworkbestifyouareconsistentaboutenforcingthem.Yourbabydoesn’tunderstandmanywordsyet.Helearnsbe-causethesamethinghappensoverandover.Babiesareconfusedandfrightenedbyangryvoicesorharshpunishment.Yourbabycan’tlearnaswellwhenyouareangry.Consistentlyenforcethelimitsyousetwithkindness,firm-nessandpatience.

It’seasiertobabyproofyourchild’senviron-mentthanitistokeepsaying“No!”Yourbabylearnsbyexploring.Maketheplacessheplayssafebyremovingobjectsshecouldbreak.Hideelectricalcords,plugwallsocketsandblockstairs.Getdownonyourbaby’slevelandlookattheroomthroughhereyes.Seethatpennyonthefloor?Hecouldchokeonit.Seehowinterestingthevaseonthecoffeetablelooks?Yourbabywillthinksotoo.Checkyourlibraryoranearlychildhoodprogramforresourcesonbabyproofing.

Yourbaby’scuriositymakesherhighlydistract-ible.Anythingnewcancatchherinterest.Ifsheiscrawlingtowardsomethingyoudon’twanthertotouch,showherafavoritetoyorclapandsingtogetherattention.Bydistractingyourbabyfromwhatyoudon’twanthertodo,youcanencouragethebehavioryouwant.

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•Setlimitstokeepyourbabysafe.Thelimitsshouldchangeasyourbabygrowsanddevelops.

•Uselimitsconsistently.Keepyourvoiceandbehaviorkindandpatient,butbepersistent.Yourbabylearnsbyrepetition.

•Babyprooftheplaceswhereyourbabycrawlsorwalks.Removethingsyoudon’twantyourbabytotouchsoyoudon’thavetotellhim“No!”allthetime.

•Distractionisthebestdisciplinetechniqueforbabies.Distractyourbabyfromwhatyoudon’twanthertodo.Offerheradifferenttoyorexcitedlypointtosomethingelse.

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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’s6 to 12 Months

12 - 24 months

In a nutshell•Saying“no”iscommonduringthisage.•Toddlersexperiencestresstoo.•Tempertantrumscanhappenwhenyourchildisoverwhelmed.•Buildapositive,trustingrelationshipwithyourchildthroughplay.

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Isyourtoddler’sfavoriteword‘no’?Ifitis,sheisingoodcompany.Saying‘no’ofteniscom-monforachildthisage.Yourtoddlerisbegin-ningtorealizethatsheisapersonseparatefromyou.Sheisexpressinghergrowingsenseofindependencebyobjectingtorequestsandsuggestions.Thisisanimportantpartofbecomingindependentandbeingabletostandupforherownideaslaterinlife.Takeadeepbreath.Gowiththeflowfornow.Yourchildisnotbeingrudeorrebellious.Giveherlotsofchancestomakepositivechoices.Lethershowherindependenceinacceptableways.Soonshewillsay‘no’lessfrequently.

Stressaffectseveryoneinthefamily,includingtoddlers.Ifyouarefeelingstressed,yourchildmaybetoo.Takecareofyourchildbytakingcareofyourself.Trytochangesituationsthatmakeyoustressed.Ifyoucan’t,takestepstohandleyourstress.Exercise,dancetomusic,talktoafriend;justdon’ttakeyourstressoutonyourchild.

Youmaybesurprisedthefirsttimeyourtod-dlerthrowsatempertantrum.Wheredidthatcomefrom?Tempertantrumshappenwhen

yourchildisoverwhelmed.Toddlershavestrongwantsanddesires.Notgettingwhattheywantmayfeelliketheendoftheworldtothem.Youryoungtoddlerdoesn’thavemanywordstousewhenheismadoroverwhelmed.Instead,hethrowshimselfdownonthefloorandwails.Hisdevelopingnervoussystemhasreceivedtoomuchinput,andyourchildlosescontrolofhisbehavior.Punishmentdoesn’thelphimgetbackincontrol.Helphimfindaquietplacetocalmdown.Staycalmyourself.Holdhimifhe’llletyou,orjustwaitquietlyuntilhecanstopcrying.

Disciplineisteachingyourchildwhattodoindifferentsituations.Shelearnsbestwhenshetrustsyou.Effectivedisciplinerequiresanaf-fectionate,trustingrelationshipbetweenyouandyourchild.Whenyouplaywithyourchildinloving,positiveways,youbuildthatkindofrelationship.Shareyourattentionwithyourchildbylookingatbookstogether.Lethertaketheleadwhenyouplaywithblocks.Dur-ingpretendplaytaketheroleshewantsyoutoplay.Thisisthefunpartofbeingaparent.Itpaysoffinpromotingpositivediscipline.

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•Giveyourtoddlerrealchoicesineverydaymatters.Offerachoicebetweentwooutfitstowear,orbetweentakinganapbeforeoraftersnack.Yourchildmaysay‘no’lessfrequentlyifhecanmakeachoice.

•Keepchoicestotwoorthreeoptions.Don’tmakeeverythingachoice.Toomanyoptionsortoomanychoicescanbeoverwhelming.

•Helpyourchildfollowroutinesforeating,sleeping,dressingandotherdailyactivities.Toddlerscancontroltheirbehaviorbestwhentheyknowwhattoexpectduringtheday.

•Routineshelpyourchilddealwithstress,becausetheyarepredictableandreliable.Whenyouestablishandkeeproutines,yourchildismorelikelytobewellrestedandnourished.Whensheistiredorhungry,sheismorelikelytohaveatempertantrum.Routinesalsohelpyoufeelorganizedandincontrol.

•Whenyourtoddlerhasatempertantrum,staycalm.Sheisnotmisbehavingorrebelling.Shemaybeovertiredoroverstimulated.Helpherfindaquietplacetoregaincontrol.Makesureshe’ssafe,butignorethetantrumasmuchaspossible.

•Avoidgivingintothedemandsyourchildmakeswhenhethrowsatantrum.Ifyougivein,youwillteachyourchildthathavingatantrumisthewaytogetwhathewants.

•Playwithyourchildeveryday.Ifyouseeyourchildbeginningtolosecontrol,stopwhatyouaredoingandplaywithhim.

•Keepplaypositive;nopretendfightingorviolentplay.Followyourchild’sleadandlookforwaystoofferanewideaorfact.Mostimportantofall,havefunwithyourchild.

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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’s12 to 24 Months

24 - 36 months

In a nutshell•Setthestageforgoodbehaviorbythinkingahead.•Tempertantrumsarearesultofyourchild’sgrowingindependence.•Toiletlearningiseasiestwhenyourchildisready.

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Teachingyourchildpositivebehaviorsbeginslongbeforehemisbehaves.Setthestageforyourchild’sgoodbehaviorbythinkingahead.Keepinmindthat:• Busytwo-year-oldsarejustbeginningtolearn

aboutcontrollingtheirstrongemotionsandquicklychangingmoods.Yourchildneedsyourhelptostayincontrol.

• Yourchildismorelikelytodosomethingyoudon’twanthimtowhenheistiredorhungry.

• Yourtwo-year-oldissocurious;hejustcan’tresistsomethingtempting.

• Toomanyruleswilloverwhelmhisdevelopingthinkingskillsandmemory.Heislearningsomuch.Heneedsyoutotellhimandshowhimthebehavioryoudesire.Sometimesheneedsyoutogentlyguidehimawayfromtemptingsituations.Ifyouguideyourchildwithpatienceandlove,hewilllearntoactthatwaytoo.

Two-year-oldsareknownforbeingterrible!Actu-ally,theirstrongemotionsandtempertantrumsareasignthattheyaredevelopingsociallyandemotionally.Tempertantrumsarearesultofyourchild’sgrowingindependence.Shenowexpe-riencesstrongwantsanddesires.Theseover-whelmherabilitytocontrolherbehavior.Whenyourchildhasatantrum,staycalm.Yourexam-

plewillhelpyourchildcalmdown.Don’tgiveintowhatyourchildwants.Thismayteachhertousehertantrumstogetwhatshewants.Makesureyourchildissafe.Stayclosebyandignorethetantrumasmuchaspossible.

Learningtousethetoiletcanbestressfulforbothparentsandchildren.Toiletlearningiseasiestwhenyourchildisphysicallyready.Thesearesignsyourchildmaybereadytolearntousethetoilet:• Hisnervesandmuscleshavetodevelopfirst.

Forsomechildrenthatdoesn’thappenuntilwellpasttheirsecondbirthday.

• Hehastobeawareofandunderstandthesensationsthattellhimhehastogopotty.

• Yourchildmaybereadyifhehasdrydiapersforseveralhours,isdryinthemorningorisdryafternap.

• Heunderstandsandcansaywordsforbodilyfunctions.

• Hecansitforshortperiodsoftime.• Hecanpullloosepantsupanddown.

Whenyourchildisphysicallyready,bepatient,butpersistent.Punishmentdoesnotworkwhenyouareteachingyourchildtousethepotty.Yourchildisn’tbeingbadifhewetsorsoilshispants.Heisjustlearningawholenewlifeexperience.

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•Readyourchild’scuestoknowwhenshe’shungry,tired,sickoroverstimulated.Behavioryoudon’tlikemaysignalthatyourchildneedsrest,asnackorsomeattentionfromyou.

•Arrangetheenvironmentsoyourchildisn’ttemptedtomisbehave.Puttingthingsyoudon’twanthimtohaveoutofsightmakesiteasieronbothofyou.

• Ifyourchildishavingaroughday,spendsomeextratimewithher.Doquietandcalmingactivitieslikereadingorlisteningtoquietmusic.

•Haveafewrulesandsticktothemconsistently.Makesureeveryonewhotakescareofyourchildunderstandsandusesthesamerules.Asyourchildgetsolder,youcanhavemorerules.

•Tellyourchildwhattodoinsteadofwhatnottodo.Manytimesyoungchildrenmakemistakesjustbecausetheydon’tknowthebehavioryouexpect.

•Stayincontrolwhenyourchildhasatempertantrum.Makesureheissafe,butignorethetantrumasmuchaspossible.Tellhimyouhaveconfidenceinhisabilitytocalmdown.Hughimandhelphimfeelbetterwhenhedoes.

•Begintoiletlearningwhenyouaresureyourchildisphysicallyready.Helpherunderstandwhatyouexpectandbepatientandpersistentwhileshelearns.

•Punishmentslowsdownthetoiletlearningprocess.Ifyoufeelyourselfgettingmadatyourchild,takesometimetocalmdownandrelievestress.

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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’s24 to 36 Months

young preschooler

In a nutshell•Movingfromoneactivitytoanothermaybedifficultforyourchild.•Developingself-controlisanimportantskill.•Rewardsandpraisemustbeusedcarefully.

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Whenyourchildmovesfromoneactivitytoanotherorfromoneplacetoanother,sheexperiencesatransition.Transitionsarehardforyoungpreschoolers.Sometimesyourchildisnotreadytoleavewhatsheisdoing.Whenpossible,letyourchildfocusonanactivityaslongasshewants.Giveyourchildtimetoeaseoutofanactivitybygivingherawarn-ing,suchas“WhenIcomebackintheroom,we’llcleanupyourpuzzle.”Dailyroutinesforeating,sleeping,dressingandbedtimecanhelpyourchildmaketransitions.

Developingself-controlisanimportantskill.Yourchildmustlearntocontrolhisactions,likenothittinghissisterwhenshetakeshistoyorwaitinguntilMomgetsoffthephonetoaskforasnack.Youngpreschoolersarejustbegin-ningtodevelopself-control.Itwillbemanyyearsbeforetheymasterthatskill.Helpyourchildbyexplainingwhyheneedstodelayhiswantseachtimeheactsimpulsively.Youngpreschoolersarejustlearningtotakeanother’sperspective.Yourchildneedstohearyousaythathittinghurtshissister.Hedoesn’tknowhe

shouldnotinterruptwhilesomeoneisonthephone.Explainthereasonshehastowaitintermsheunderstands.

Rewardsandpraisemustbeusedcarefully.Ifrewards,suchastoysorfood,areusedtomotivateyourchild’sbehavior,shemightnotunderstandwhywhatyouwanthertodoisvaluable.Sheisonlyworkingforthereward.Shemaymissthefeelingthatdesirablebe-haviorisrewardinginitself,andwhentherewardisnotoffered,yourchildwillstillnothavemasteredthebehavioryouwant.Also,whenrewardsareused,theyoftentimesneedtobeincreasedtogetthesamelevelofmo-tivationfromyourchild.Whenyoupraiseyourchild,youmaybeputtingthefocusontheoutcome,notonherprogressorefforts.Praiseputsthefocusontheoutcome,andnotontheprogressorefforts.Praisecanbeaddic-tive;yourchildmaybegintofeelinadequateunlessyoupraiseher.Besuretoencourageandpraiseyourchild’sprogressandeffortsastheylearnproperbehavior.

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•Giveyourchildoneortwowarningsbeforeshemustmakeatransition.Followthroughandhelpyourchildmoveonattheendofthetimeyou’veset.Yourchildlearnsmoreeasilyifyouareconsistent.

•Establishandkeepdailyroutines.Routineshelpyourchildtransitionfromonepartofthedaytoanother.Forexample,establishingabedtimeroutinethatyoufolloweverynightcanhelpyourchildwinddownandfallasleep.

•Clearlytellyourchildwhatyouexpectofhim.Befirm,butgentle.Usewordshecanunderstand.Showhim,inadditiontotellinghim.

•Giveyourchildresponsibilities.Letherknowyouareconfidentthatshecancarrythemout.Youngpreschoolerscandomanythingsaroundthehouse.Theygainself-confidencebyhelping.Beclearaboutwhatyouwantyourchildtodo.Followuptoencouragehertodothetask.Besuretotellyourchildyouappreciateherhelp.

•Berealisticabouthowlongyourchildcanwaitforsomething.Explainwhyyouwanthimtouseself-control.

•Helpyourchildtaketheperspectiveofothers.Tellherhowheractionsmakeotherchildrenandadultsfeel.Includegoodfeelings,suchashowpleasedhergrandfatherwaswhenshesaidthankyouforagift.

• Insteadofpraisingyourchild,tellhimwhatyousee.Forexample,ifhepicksuphistoys,lookaroundtheroominamazementandsay,“Idon’tseeonetoyonthefloor!”Yourchildwillgainafeelingofaccomplishment.

•Acknowledgeyourchild’seffortsandprogress,ratherthantheoutcome.Shemaynotachieveagoal,butshewillknowthatyounoticeherefforts.

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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’sYoung Preschooler

older preschooler

In a nutshell•Powerstrugglescanbeavoided.•Olderpreschoolerscanunderstandtheconsequencesoftheirbehavior.•Self-controlisimportantforsuccessinschool.

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Yourchildwantstofeelpowerful.Thiscanmakehimdisobeytherulesyouhaveset.Trytoavoidpowerstruggleswithyourchild.Re-memberheislearningabouthisownpoweratthisage.Four-andfive-year-oldsenjoysuperheroesorplayingwithtoygunsbecausetheyareexperimentingwithbeingpowerfulthroughtheirplay.Childrenthisagearemoreawareoftheworldaroundthem.Atthisstageofdevelopmenttheyareawareofpowerinrelationships.Whenyousuggestthatyourchildchooseanotherwayofdoingthings,hewilllearntousehisownpowertocontrolhisbehavior.

Olderpreschoolersarebeginningtounder-standthattheiractionshaveconsequences.Sometimesthoseconsequencesareenjoy-able.Sharingatoywithafriendusuallyresults

infun.Butsometimestheresultsofyourchild’sbehaviorarenotenjoyable.Remember,disci-plineisteachingyourchildwhattodoindif-ferentsituations.Youcanuseconsequencesthatareconnectedtoyourchild’smisbehav-iortohelpherlearnwhattodo.Beingfirmandconsistentwillhelpyourchildlearn.

Self-regulationmeanscontrollingyouractionsandemotions.Italsoinvolvesdelayingsome-thingyouwantuntillater.Self-controlisimpor-tantforsuccessinschoolandlife.Childrenthisagebegintodevelopcontrolovertheirbehaviorandemotions.Whenyourchildstartsschool,hewillbeexpectedtofollowclass-roomrulesandroutines.Hewillneedtoknowhowtogetalongwithotherchildren.Whenachilddevelopsself-control,heisabletotakepartinthelearninginschool.

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•Don’tletyourchilddrawyouintoanargumentoverlimitsandrules.Staycalm.Restatethelimitsorrule,andthenletyourchilddecidehowtoreact.

•Helpyourchildtofeelpowerfulinpositiveways.Lethermakedecisionsthatareappropriateforherage.Oneexampleischoosingbetweentwobreakfastoptions.

•Showyourchildhowtodosimplechoresthathelpthefamily.Givehimtheresponsibilityofcarryingthemout.Showhimyouappreciatehisefforts.

•Helpyourchildlearntousethebehavioryouwant.Makeitclearhowyouexpecthertobehave.Talkabouthowtobehaveatatimewhenyourchildiscalmandincontrol.Ifshe’salreadymisbehaving,she’sprobablytooemotionaltohearyou.

•Childrenlearnhowtopushourbuttons!Knowwhatyourchilddoesthatmakesyouparticularlyangry.Planwhatyouwilldowhenthathappenssoyoucanavoidblowingupatyourchild.Whenyouareprepared,youcanremainfirm,butcalm,anddealrationallywithyourchild’smisbehavior.

•Developconsequencesformisbehaviorthatarerelatedtowhatyourchildhasdone.Thiscanhelpteachhimtherightthingtodothenexttime.Forexample,ifherefusestopickuphistoys,givehimachoice.Hecanputhistoysawayoryouwillputthemawayinyourclosetuntilthenextday.Thisconsequenceisrelatedtothemisbehavior.(Ifyourchildrefusestopickupthetoys,thenhewillnotbeallowedtoplaywiththem.)Letyourchilddecidehowtobehave,thenbesureyoufollowthroughrightawaywiththeconsequenceyouhavestated.

•Letyourchildknowyouappreciatehisefforts.Pointouttohertheprogresssheismakinginlearningtherightthingtodo.

• Itisyourjobtosettherulesforyourchild.Asyourchilddevelopsfeelingsofindependence—andallchildrenwill—itisher‘job’totestthoserulesandlimits.That’showshelearnswhattheyare.Limitsshouldn’tbetooflexible,oryourchildwillhavetroublelearningwhattheyreallyare.Ontheotherhand,theyshouldn’tbetoorigidorharshlyenforcedsothatyourchildfeelsdiscouraged.

•Thinkabouttherulesyousetforyourchildoften.Aretheystillappropriateforhisageandabilities?Limitsandrulesneedtochangeasyourchildgrowsandlearns.

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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’sOlder Preschooler