6 months birth to
In a nutshell•Disciplinemeansteaching.Youareyourchild’steacherfrombirth.•Yourbabylearnstotrustwhenyoumeethisneeds.•Whenyourbabytrustsyou,hewillbemorelikelytofollowyourguidancelateron.•Youngbabiesdonotmisbehave.
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Youmightnotthinkthatdisciplineandbabiesgotogether.Disciplineisreallyteaching.Youareyourbaby’steacherfrombirth.Disciplineisnotthesameaspunishment.Itisteachingyourchildwhattodoindifferentsituations.Disciplinestartswithtrust.
Trustisthefoundationfordiscipline.Whenyourbabycries,sheneedssomething.Shemaybehungryortiredorneedtobeheld.Whenyoumeetyourbaby’sneedassoonassheexpressesit,shelearnstotrustyoutomakeherfeelbetter.Childrenlearnbestwhentheytrustthepersonwhoisteachingthem.
Whenyouareabletoreadyourbaby’scuesandunderstandwhatheneeds,youareget-tingtoknowyourbaby.Thisisn’talwayseasy.Relaxandfocusonyourchild.Youcanstarttobuildatrustingrelationshipnow,whenheisjustababy.Whenyourchildtrustsyou,hewillbemorelikelytofollowyourguidancewhenheisolder.
Youngbabiesdonotmisbehave.Theyhaven’tdevelopedtheabilitytothinkaheadorthememorytodisobeytheirparentsonpurpose.Thatdoesn’tmeanthatyouwon’tfeelfrustrat-edorgetangrywithyourbaby.Keepinmindthatyourbabyisn’tdoingwhatannoysyouonpurpose.Sheisjusttryingtogetherneedsmetanddothingswhichdriveherdevelopment.
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•Gotoyourbabyandmeetherneedsassoonaspossiblewhenshecries.Youcan’tspoilababylessthan6monthsofage.
•Learntoreadyourbaby’scuessoyouwillknowwhatsheneeds.Beawareofwhenshegetshungry,orwhatcalmsherdownwhensheneedstosleep.Whenyoucananticipateherneeds,youwillbehelpinghertobecalmandsatisfied.
•Gentletouchworksbestwithbabies.Theycravebeingheldandcuddled.Neverhitorshakeyourbaby.Harshphysicalpunishmentdoesn’tworkbecausebabiesdon’tmisbehave.Babiescanbeseriouslyinjuredwhenadultsareoutofcontrol.
• Ifyoubegintofeeloutofcontrolwhilecaringforyourbaby,putherinhercriboranothersafeplaceandtakeafewminutesforyourself.Talktoatrustedfriendorprofessionalifyoufeeloutofcontroloften.CalltheParentLinkWarmlineat1-800-552-8522.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’sBirth to 6 Months
6 to 12 months
In a nutshell•Babiesarenaturalexplorers!•Setlimitsandsticktothem,butwithkindnessandfirmness.•Babyproofingiseasierthansaying“No!”•Distractyourbabytoencouragethebehavioryouwant.
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Ifyourbabyis6or7monthsold,getready!Abigchangeisabouttohappen.Yourlittleonewillsoonbemobile!Yourbabyisanaturalexplorer.Herdevelopingcuriositymakesherwanttomovearoundherworld.Yourbabywillsoonbecreeping,crawlingandthenwalk-ing.Andshewillwanttoexploreeverythingshecangetto.She’snotmisbehaving;she’sbehavinglikeanexplorerwithawholenewworldtoconquer.
Asyourbabybeginstomovearound,youmayrealizeyouneedtosetsomelimitstokeepher—andyourfavoritepossessions—safe.Limitsworkbestifyouareconsistentaboutenforcingthem.Yourbabydoesn’tunderstandmanywordsyet.Helearnsbe-causethesamethinghappensoverandover.Babiesareconfusedandfrightenedbyangryvoicesorharshpunishment.Yourbabycan’tlearnaswellwhenyouareangry.Consistentlyenforcethelimitsyousetwithkindness,firm-nessandpatience.
It’seasiertobabyproofyourchild’senviron-mentthanitistokeepsaying“No!”Yourbabylearnsbyexploring.Maketheplacessheplayssafebyremovingobjectsshecouldbreak.Hideelectricalcords,plugwallsocketsandblockstairs.Getdownonyourbaby’slevelandlookattheroomthroughhereyes.Seethatpennyonthefloor?Hecouldchokeonit.Seehowinterestingthevaseonthecoffeetablelooks?Yourbabywillthinksotoo.Checkyourlibraryoranearlychildhoodprogramforresourcesonbabyproofing.
Yourbaby’scuriositymakesherhighlydistract-ible.Anythingnewcancatchherinterest.Ifsheiscrawlingtowardsomethingyoudon’twanthertotouch,showherafavoritetoyorclapandsingtogetherattention.Bydistractingyourbabyfromwhatyoudon’twanthertodo,youcanencouragethebehavioryouwant.
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•Setlimitstokeepyourbabysafe.Thelimitsshouldchangeasyourbabygrowsanddevelops.
•Uselimitsconsistently.Keepyourvoiceandbehaviorkindandpatient,butbepersistent.Yourbabylearnsbyrepetition.
•Babyprooftheplaceswhereyourbabycrawlsorwalks.Removethingsyoudon’twantyourbabytotouchsoyoudon’thavetotellhim“No!”allthetime.
•Distractionisthebestdisciplinetechniqueforbabies.Distractyourbabyfromwhatyoudon’twanthertodo.Offerheradifferenttoyorexcitedlypointtosomethingelse.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’s6 to 12 Months
12 - 24 months
In a nutshell•Saying“no”iscommonduringthisage.•Toddlersexperiencestresstoo.•Tempertantrumscanhappenwhenyourchildisoverwhelmed.•Buildapositive,trustingrelationshipwithyourchildthroughplay.
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Isyourtoddler’sfavoriteword‘no’?Ifitis,sheisingoodcompany.Saying‘no’ofteniscom-monforachildthisage.Yourtoddlerisbegin-ningtorealizethatsheisapersonseparatefromyou.Sheisexpressinghergrowingsenseofindependencebyobjectingtorequestsandsuggestions.Thisisanimportantpartofbecomingindependentandbeingabletostandupforherownideaslaterinlife.Takeadeepbreath.Gowiththeflowfornow.Yourchildisnotbeingrudeorrebellious.Giveherlotsofchancestomakepositivechoices.Lethershowherindependenceinacceptableways.Soonshewillsay‘no’lessfrequently.
Stressaffectseveryoneinthefamily,includingtoddlers.Ifyouarefeelingstressed,yourchildmaybetoo.Takecareofyourchildbytakingcareofyourself.Trytochangesituationsthatmakeyoustressed.Ifyoucan’t,takestepstohandleyourstress.Exercise,dancetomusic,talktoafriend;justdon’ttakeyourstressoutonyourchild.
Youmaybesurprisedthefirsttimeyourtod-dlerthrowsatempertantrum.Wheredidthatcomefrom?Tempertantrumshappenwhen
yourchildisoverwhelmed.Toddlershavestrongwantsanddesires.Notgettingwhattheywantmayfeelliketheendoftheworldtothem.Youryoungtoddlerdoesn’thavemanywordstousewhenheismadoroverwhelmed.Instead,hethrowshimselfdownonthefloorandwails.Hisdevelopingnervoussystemhasreceivedtoomuchinput,andyourchildlosescontrolofhisbehavior.Punishmentdoesn’thelphimgetbackincontrol.Helphimfindaquietplacetocalmdown.Staycalmyourself.Holdhimifhe’llletyou,orjustwaitquietlyuntilhecanstopcrying.
Disciplineisteachingyourchildwhattodoindifferentsituations.Shelearnsbestwhenshetrustsyou.Effectivedisciplinerequiresanaf-fectionate,trustingrelationshipbetweenyouandyourchild.Whenyouplaywithyourchildinloving,positiveways,youbuildthatkindofrelationship.Shareyourattentionwithyourchildbylookingatbookstogether.Lethertaketheleadwhenyouplaywithblocks.Dur-ingpretendplaytaketheroleshewantsyoutoplay.Thisisthefunpartofbeingaparent.Itpaysoffinpromotingpositivediscipline.
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•Giveyourtoddlerrealchoicesineverydaymatters.Offerachoicebetweentwooutfitstowear,orbetweentakinganapbeforeoraftersnack.Yourchildmaysay‘no’lessfrequentlyifhecanmakeachoice.
•Keepchoicestotwoorthreeoptions.Don’tmakeeverythingachoice.Toomanyoptionsortoomanychoicescanbeoverwhelming.
•Helpyourchildfollowroutinesforeating,sleeping,dressingandotherdailyactivities.Toddlerscancontroltheirbehaviorbestwhentheyknowwhattoexpectduringtheday.
•Routineshelpyourchilddealwithstress,becausetheyarepredictableandreliable.Whenyouestablishandkeeproutines,yourchildismorelikelytobewellrestedandnourished.Whensheistiredorhungry,sheismorelikelytohaveatempertantrum.Routinesalsohelpyoufeelorganizedandincontrol.
•Whenyourtoddlerhasatempertantrum,staycalm.Sheisnotmisbehavingorrebelling.Shemaybeovertiredoroverstimulated.Helpherfindaquietplacetoregaincontrol.Makesureshe’ssafe,butignorethetantrumasmuchaspossible.
•Avoidgivingintothedemandsyourchildmakeswhenhethrowsatantrum.Ifyougivein,youwillteachyourchildthathavingatantrumisthewaytogetwhathewants.
•Playwithyourchildeveryday.Ifyouseeyourchildbeginningtolosecontrol,stopwhatyouaredoingandplaywithhim.
•Keepplaypositive;nopretendfightingorviolentplay.Followyourchild’sleadandlookforwaystoofferanewideaorfact.Mostimportantofall,havefunwithyourchild.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’s12 to 24 Months
24 - 36 months
In a nutshell•Setthestageforgoodbehaviorbythinkingahead.•Tempertantrumsarearesultofyourchild’sgrowingindependence.•Toiletlearningiseasiestwhenyourchildisready.
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Teachingyourchildpositivebehaviorsbeginslongbeforehemisbehaves.Setthestageforyourchild’sgoodbehaviorbythinkingahead.Keepinmindthat:• Busytwo-year-oldsarejustbeginningtolearn
aboutcontrollingtheirstrongemotionsandquicklychangingmoods.Yourchildneedsyourhelptostayincontrol.
• Yourchildismorelikelytodosomethingyoudon’twanthimtowhenheistiredorhungry.
• Yourtwo-year-oldissocurious;hejustcan’tresistsomethingtempting.
• Toomanyruleswilloverwhelmhisdevelopingthinkingskillsandmemory.Heislearningsomuch.Heneedsyoutotellhimandshowhimthebehavioryoudesire.Sometimesheneedsyoutogentlyguidehimawayfromtemptingsituations.Ifyouguideyourchildwithpatienceandlove,hewilllearntoactthatwaytoo.
Two-year-oldsareknownforbeingterrible!Actu-ally,theirstrongemotionsandtempertantrumsareasignthattheyaredevelopingsociallyandemotionally.Tempertantrumsarearesultofyourchild’sgrowingindependence.Shenowexpe-riencesstrongwantsanddesires.Theseover-whelmherabilitytocontrolherbehavior.Whenyourchildhasatantrum,staycalm.Yourexam-
plewillhelpyourchildcalmdown.Don’tgiveintowhatyourchildwants.Thismayteachhertousehertantrumstogetwhatshewants.Makesureyourchildissafe.Stayclosebyandignorethetantrumasmuchaspossible.
Learningtousethetoiletcanbestressfulforbothparentsandchildren.Toiletlearningiseasiestwhenyourchildisphysicallyready.Thesearesignsyourchildmaybereadytolearntousethetoilet:• Hisnervesandmuscleshavetodevelopfirst.
Forsomechildrenthatdoesn’thappenuntilwellpasttheirsecondbirthday.
• Hehastobeawareofandunderstandthesensationsthattellhimhehastogopotty.
• Yourchildmaybereadyifhehasdrydiapersforseveralhours,isdryinthemorningorisdryafternap.
• Heunderstandsandcansaywordsforbodilyfunctions.
• Hecansitforshortperiodsoftime.• Hecanpullloosepantsupanddown.
Whenyourchildisphysicallyready,bepatient,butpersistent.Punishmentdoesnotworkwhenyouareteachingyourchildtousethepotty.Yourchildisn’tbeingbadifhewetsorsoilshispants.Heisjustlearningawholenewlifeexperience.
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•Readyourchild’scuestoknowwhenshe’shungry,tired,sickoroverstimulated.Behavioryoudon’tlikemaysignalthatyourchildneedsrest,asnackorsomeattentionfromyou.
•Arrangetheenvironmentsoyourchildisn’ttemptedtomisbehave.Puttingthingsyoudon’twanthimtohaveoutofsightmakesiteasieronbothofyou.
• Ifyourchildishavingaroughday,spendsomeextratimewithher.Doquietandcalmingactivitieslikereadingorlisteningtoquietmusic.
•Haveafewrulesandsticktothemconsistently.Makesureeveryonewhotakescareofyourchildunderstandsandusesthesamerules.Asyourchildgetsolder,youcanhavemorerules.
•Tellyourchildwhattodoinsteadofwhatnottodo.Manytimesyoungchildrenmakemistakesjustbecausetheydon’tknowthebehavioryouexpect.
•Stayincontrolwhenyourchildhasatempertantrum.Makesureheissafe,butignorethetantrumasmuchaspossible.Tellhimyouhaveconfidenceinhisabilitytocalmdown.Hughimandhelphimfeelbetterwhenhedoes.
•Begintoiletlearningwhenyouaresureyourchildisphysicallyready.Helpherunderstandwhatyouexpectandbepatientandpersistentwhileshelearns.
•Punishmentslowsdownthetoiletlearningprocess.Ifyoufeelyourselfgettingmadatyourchild,takesometimetocalmdownandrelievestress.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’s24 to 36 Months
young preschooler
In a nutshell•Movingfromoneactivitytoanothermaybedifficultforyourchild.•Developingself-controlisanimportantskill.•Rewardsandpraisemustbeusedcarefully.
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Whenyourchildmovesfromoneactivitytoanotherorfromoneplacetoanother,sheexperiencesatransition.Transitionsarehardforyoungpreschoolers.Sometimesyourchildisnotreadytoleavewhatsheisdoing.Whenpossible,letyourchildfocusonanactivityaslongasshewants.Giveyourchildtimetoeaseoutofanactivitybygivingherawarn-ing,suchas“WhenIcomebackintheroom,we’llcleanupyourpuzzle.”Dailyroutinesforeating,sleeping,dressingandbedtimecanhelpyourchildmaketransitions.
Developingself-controlisanimportantskill.Yourchildmustlearntocontrolhisactions,likenothittinghissisterwhenshetakeshistoyorwaitinguntilMomgetsoffthephonetoaskforasnack.Youngpreschoolersarejustbegin-ningtodevelopself-control.Itwillbemanyyearsbeforetheymasterthatskill.Helpyourchildbyexplainingwhyheneedstodelayhiswantseachtimeheactsimpulsively.Youngpreschoolersarejustlearningtotakeanother’sperspective.Yourchildneedstohearyousaythathittinghurtshissister.Hedoesn’tknowhe
shouldnotinterruptwhilesomeoneisonthephone.Explainthereasonshehastowaitintermsheunderstands.
Rewardsandpraisemustbeusedcarefully.Ifrewards,suchastoysorfood,areusedtomotivateyourchild’sbehavior,shemightnotunderstandwhywhatyouwanthertodoisvaluable.Sheisonlyworkingforthereward.Shemaymissthefeelingthatdesirablebe-haviorisrewardinginitself,andwhentherewardisnotoffered,yourchildwillstillnothavemasteredthebehavioryouwant.Also,whenrewardsareused,theyoftentimesneedtobeincreasedtogetthesamelevelofmo-tivationfromyourchild.Whenyoupraiseyourchild,youmaybeputtingthefocusontheoutcome,notonherprogressorefforts.Praiseputsthefocusontheoutcome,andnotontheprogressorefforts.Praisecanbeaddic-tive;yourchildmaybegintofeelinadequateunlessyoupraiseher.Besuretoencourageandpraiseyourchild’sprogressandeffortsastheylearnproperbehavior.
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•Giveyourchildoneortwowarningsbeforeshemustmakeatransition.Followthroughandhelpyourchildmoveonattheendofthetimeyou’veset.Yourchildlearnsmoreeasilyifyouareconsistent.
•Establishandkeepdailyroutines.Routineshelpyourchildtransitionfromonepartofthedaytoanother.Forexample,establishingabedtimeroutinethatyoufolloweverynightcanhelpyourchildwinddownandfallasleep.
•Clearlytellyourchildwhatyouexpectofhim.Befirm,butgentle.Usewordshecanunderstand.Showhim,inadditiontotellinghim.
•Giveyourchildresponsibilities.Letherknowyouareconfidentthatshecancarrythemout.Youngpreschoolerscandomanythingsaroundthehouse.Theygainself-confidencebyhelping.Beclearaboutwhatyouwantyourchildtodo.Followuptoencouragehertodothetask.Besuretotellyourchildyouappreciateherhelp.
•Berealisticabouthowlongyourchildcanwaitforsomething.Explainwhyyouwanthimtouseself-control.
•Helpyourchildtaketheperspectiveofothers.Tellherhowheractionsmakeotherchildrenandadultsfeel.Includegoodfeelings,suchashowpleasedhergrandfatherwaswhenshesaidthankyouforagift.
• Insteadofpraisingyourchild,tellhimwhatyousee.Forexample,ifhepicksuphistoys,lookaroundtheroominamazementandsay,“Idon’tseeonetoyonthefloor!”Yourchildwillgainafeelingofaccomplishment.
•Acknowledgeyourchild’seffortsandprogress,ratherthantheoutcome.Shemaynotachieveagoal,butshewillknowthatyounoticeherefforts.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’sYoung Preschooler
older preschooler
In a nutshell•Powerstrugglescanbeavoided.•Olderpreschoolerscanunderstandtheconsequencesoftheirbehavior.•Self-controlisimportantforsuccessinschool.
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Yourchildwantstofeelpowerful.Thiscanmakehimdisobeytherulesyouhaveset.Trytoavoidpowerstruggleswithyourchild.Re-memberheislearningabouthisownpoweratthisage.Four-andfive-year-oldsenjoysuperheroesorplayingwithtoygunsbecausetheyareexperimentingwithbeingpowerfulthroughtheirplay.Childrenthisagearemoreawareoftheworldaroundthem.Atthisstageofdevelopmenttheyareawareofpowerinrelationships.Whenyousuggestthatyourchildchooseanotherwayofdoingthings,hewilllearntousehisownpowertocontrolhisbehavior.
Olderpreschoolersarebeginningtounder-standthattheiractionshaveconsequences.Sometimesthoseconsequencesareenjoy-able.Sharingatoywithafriendusuallyresults
infun.Butsometimestheresultsofyourchild’sbehaviorarenotenjoyable.Remember,disci-plineisteachingyourchildwhattodoindif-ferentsituations.Youcanuseconsequencesthatareconnectedtoyourchild’smisbehav-iortohelpherlearnwhattodo.Beingfirmandconsistentwillhelpyourchildlearn.
Self-regulationmeanscontrollingyouractionsandemotions.Italsoinvolvesdelayingsome-thingyouwantuntillater.Self-controlisimpor-tantforsuccessinschoolandlife.Childrenthisagebegintodevelopcontrolovertheirbehaviorandemotions.Whenyourchildstartsschool,hewillbeexpectedtofollowclass-roomrulesandroutines.Hewillneedtoknowhowtogetalongwithotherchildren.Whenachilddevelopsself-control,heisabletotakepartinthelearninginschool.
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•Don’tletyourchilddrawyouintoanargumentoverlimitsandrules.Staycalm.Restatethelimitsorrule,andthenletyourchilddecidehowtoreact.
•Helpyourchildtofeelpowerfulinpositiveways.Lethermakedecisionsthatareappropriateforherage.Oneexampleischoosingbetweentwobreakfastoptions.
•Showyourchildhowtodosimplechoresthathelpthefamily.Givehimtheresponsibilityofcarryingthemout.Showhimyouappreciatehisefforts.
•Helpyourchildlearntousethebehavioryouwant.Makeitclearhowyouexpecthertobehave.Talkabouthowtobehaveatatimewhenyourchildiscalmandincontrol.Ifshe’salreadymisbehaving,she’sprobablytooemotionaltohearyou.
•Childrenlearnhowtopushourbuttons!Knowwhatyourchilddoesthatmakesyouparticularlyangry.Planwhatyouwilldowhenthathappenssoyoucanavoidblowingupatyourchild.Whenyouareprepared,youcanremainfirm,butcalm,anddealrationallywithyourchild’smisbehavior.
•Developconsequencesformisbehaviorthatarerelatedtowhatyourchildhasdone.Thiscanhelpteachhimtherightthingtodothenexttime.Forexample,ifherefusestopickuphistoys,givehimachoice.Hecanputhistoysawayoryouwillputthemawayinyourclosetuntilthenextday.Thisconsequenceisrelatedtothemisbehavior.(Ifyourchildrefusestopickupthetoys,thenhewillnotbeallowedtoplaywiththem.)Letyourchilddecidehowtobehave,thenbesureyoufollowthroughrightawaywiththeconsequenceyouhavestated.
•Letyourchildknowyouappreciatehisefforts.Pointouttohertheprogresssheismakinginlearningtherightthingtodo.
• Itisyourjobtosettherulesforyourchild.Asyourchilddevelopsfeelingsofindependence—andallchildrenwill—itisher‘job’totestthoserulesandlimits.That’showshelearnswhattheyare.Limitsshouldn’tbetooflexible,oryourchildwillhavetroublelearningwhattheyreallyare.Ontheotherhand,theyshouldn’tbetoorigidorharshlyenforcedsothatyourchildfeelsdiscouraged.
•Thinkabouttherulesyousetforyourchildoften.Aretheystillappropriateforhisageandabilities?Limitsandrulesneedtochangeasyourchildgrowsandlearns.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’sOlder Preschooler
