what kind of dance do you have? is the goal here to have a healthy marriage? no…. goal is to have...
TRANSCRIPT
What Kind of Dance Do You Have?
Is the goal here to have a healthy
marriage?
Is the goal here to have a healthy
marriage?NO…. Goal is to have a healthy self by growing
as a disciple
NO…. Goal is to have a healthy self by growing
as a disciple
The Necessary Ingredients for Change In relationshipsThe Necessary Ingredients for Change In relationships
• Active listening• Encouraging words• Speaking the truth in love
• Active listening• Encouraging words• Speaking the truth in love
The Necessary Ingredients for Deeper Growth In relationships
The Necessary Ingredients for Deeper Growth In relationships
• Bonding• Boundaries• Accepting the good & the bad• Becoming an adult (equals)
• Bonding• Boundaries• Accepting the good & the bad• Becoming an adult (equals)
1. The Marriage Is No Better Than The People In It
1. The Marriage Is No Better Than The People In It
MOST WILL PICK
#3 OR #7MOST WILL PICK
#3 OR #7
There are unconscious influences to every behavior
There are unconscious influences to every behavior
What Is Baggage?What Is Baggage?
What kind of “baggage” you have?Clinical ~ Relational ~ Functional Large ~ Small ~ Family ~ Trauma
2. What Lurks In The Shadows Trips
Us Up
2. What Lurks In The Shadows Trips
Us Up
What is “Ownership”?What is “Ownership”?• it is about the possession of what God has entrusted us• it says “that is mine, I am responsible for it”• it is what Jesus is calling us to in Lk. 6:42• in order for us to take responsibility for our lives, we must own what is ours• in order for us to gain control of our feelings, behaviors, & choices – we must first realize they are ours & no one else's • ownership offers freedom…
• it is about the possession of what God has entrusted us• it says “that is mine, I am responsible for it”• it is what Jesus is calling us to in Lk. 6:42• in order for us to take responsibility for our lives, we must own what is ours• in order for us to gain control of our feelings, behaviors, & choices – we must first realize they are ours & no one else's • ownership offers freedom…
You know you are blaming when…
You know you are blaming when…
•“If you would have only done ____, I would not have done that”•“You always make me feel…”•“It’s your fault”•“you never listen to me”•“YOU…..”
•“If you would have only done ____, I would not have done that”•“You always make me feel…”•“It’s your fault”•“you never listen to me”•“YOU…..”
Blaming Keeps you stuck in this way…
Blaming Keeps you stuck in this way…
• You remain a martyr or victim• Leads to anger & resentment… adds to distance & pain in the relationship• Blocks you from getting what you want & taking an active role in the relationship
• You remain a martyr or victim• Leads to anger & resentment… adds to distance & pain in the relationship• Blocks you from getting what you want & taking an active role in the relationship
You are responsible for your buttons and
reactions…
You are responsible for your buttons and
reactions…
Take Control of your buttons and reactions ~
Phil. 4:11-13
Take Control of your buttons and reactions ~
Phil. 4:11-13
3. Ownership Offers Hope… Blame Breeds
Despair
3. Ownership Offers Hope… Blame Breeds
Despair
What Are Your Love Killers?
What Are Your Love Killers?
• Self-Centered • Lack of observing
oneself• Inability to validate
the other person’s experience (Prov. 18:13)
• Emotional detachment
• Self-Centered • Lack of observing
oneself• Inability to validate
the other person’s experience (Prov. 18:13)
• Emotional detachment
• Control & denial of separateness
• Playing the parent role
• Lack of boundaries
• Control & denial of separateness
• Playing the parent role
• Lack of boundaries
You are the ingredient you
bring to the marriage mix
You are the ingredient you
bring to the marriage mixHow tasty of an
ingredient are you?How tasty of an
ingredient are you?
Meaningful & Lasting Change Happens From
the Inside Out
Meaningful & Lasting Change Happens From
the Inside Out
Concentrate on Personal Growth
More Than Marital Growth
Concentrate on Personal Growth
More Than Marital Growth2 Peter 3:18 (NIV)
18 But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Colossians 1:28-29 (NIV)
28 We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.
29 To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.
2 Peter 3:18 (NIV)
18 But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Colossians 1:28-29 (NIV)
28 We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.
29 To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.
4. Fixing Me ~ Fixes Us
4. Fixing Me ~ Fixes Us
The Health & Intimacy of Your Marriage is
Directly Proportionate to your Personal
Growth & Maturity as a Disciple of Jesus Christ
The Health & Intimacy of Your Marriage is
Directly Proportionate to your Personal
Growth & Maturity as a Disciple of Jesus Christ
5. Fixing Me ~ Begins By Giving Up
5. Fixing Me ~ Begins By Giving Up
Giving up…Giving up…
• My pride• My ego• My control• My selfishness• My past • My need to be
right• My …..
• My pride• My ego• My control• My selfishness• My past • My need to be
right• My …..
How Do I Give up…?How Do I Give up…?
1. Fall in love with Jesus
2. Desire to become more like Jesus (I Cor. 13)
3. Allow God to use:a) Relationships (Eph. 4: 15-16; 2 Tim. 2:2)
b) Suffering & Circumstances (Rom. 5:3-5; I Peter 5:10)
c) The Holy Spirit (Eph. 1:13-14; Gal. 2:20; John 16:13-14)
1. Fall in love with Jesus
2. Desire to become more like Jesus (I Cor. 13)
3. Allow God to use:a) Relationships (Eph. 4: 15-16; 2 Tim. 2:2)
b) Suffering & Circumstances (Rom. 5:3-5; I Peter 5:10)
c) The Holy Spirit (Eph. 1:13-14; Gal. 2:20; John 16:13-14)
The Source of ChangeThe Source of Change
• Christ in us• Fruits of the Spirit• Power of the Holy Spirit
• Christ in us• Fruits of the Spirit• Power of the Holy Spirit
The Course of ChangeThe Course of Change
• from the inside out
• God grows us… not us growing us• by focusing on our heart growth more than our behavior change… focusing on our character more than our comfort• using people, spouse, events, pain, joy
(Eph. 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.)
• from the inside out
• God grows us… not us growing us• by focusing on our heart growth more than our behavior change… focusing on our character more than our comfort• using people, spouse, events, pain, joy
(Eph. 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.)
What Does A Mature Disciple Look Like?
What Does A Mature Disciple Look Like?
Galatians 5:22-26 (NIV)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.
25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Galatians 5:22-26 (NIV)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.
25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
