Melissa PhelanEduc 472

Original Story

Into the Unknown

I jolted upright in a sense of panic, unsure of where I was. I could feel the humidity had left a sticky layer on my skin and an unusual smell of garbage, curry, and pollution had filled the room. My eyes slowly started to focus on the world around me, I saw two single beds without any bedding in the middle of a small room, walls covered in a film of dirt, and the bathroom was covered in grimy, yellow tiles. My best friend, Makaira was fast asleep when I flew out of bed shouting in a sense of panic, “Makaira, we slept through our alarm!” Makaira rolled over, still not fully awake, “What… what time is it?”“3:30, we were supposed to meet Jordan and Cohen a half an hour ago. Do you think they waited for us?” I asked. Makaira was up, with her shoes on, pulling the key out of the slot in the wall with a click and the ceiling fan that was the only thing moving the stale air around the room came to an abrupt stop. “I am sure they did Emelin, I didn’t hear anyone at our door and they wouldn’t have left without us. We are here to explore together after all.” I followed Makaira out of the room into the hallway, which was somehow even hotter than our room and began our search for Cohen and Jordan. By the time we got to the bottom of the stairs I was already covered in a thin layer of sweat from the heat and I was dizzy from the speed at which we ran down the stairs. We found ourselves in a small lobby that had three small couches lined up along the wall and ceiling fans moving so fast I thought they were going to detach from the ceiling. Makaira stopped cold and looked back at me in shock. The lobby was empty.“What do we do now? We don’t know where we are supposed to go!” Makaira said with a quiver. I took a deep breath, turned to Makaira and said in a voice more reassuring than I felt, “Let’s go!” I grabbed her hand and we rushed past the front desk out the front door of our hotel. Together we stepped onto the dirt-covered street, clutching each other’s hands tightly. Makaira’s eyes were full of fear; she looked at me unsure of which way we should go. I pulled her down the street towards the crowd. I was dodging around the rickshaws, dogs, and people when Makaira stopped. Her feet were cemented in the ground. “I…I…I don’t think we are going the right way,” she stuttered.“Its ok, let’s just go around the corner and see if we can spot them.” I firmly stated grabbing her hand and pulling her through an alley that smelled like pee and was so narrow that we couldn’t walk side by side. We walked into the unexpected…Makaira trailed behind me digging her nails into my hand, but I kept walking. I immediately saw a black dog, so thin I could count its ribs, laying in the sun warming itself. I looked up at the square we discovered and stopped breathing. It was beautiful. Light hit a small red and gold temple making it glow in such a way that it looked as though there was a superior being enchanting it. Prayer wheels lined the far side of the square and two elderly monks were walking the length of them repeating the mantra, “Om Mani Padme Hum.” The sound of the chanting gave me goose bumps. I could hear Makaira gasp, “It’s exquisite.” As quickly as we were admiring the serenity and beauty of the square it was overtaken by chaos of daily life in the city.Makaira began to stammer, “I need to go back. It’s too hot. I can’t breath.”

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

I looked at my best friend and after knowing her for ten years; I knew that she needed to sit down. “Ok, let’s go.” I stated. I knew that once Makaira got over the jetlag and acclimatized to the heat she would be ready to explore. However, in the mean time she simply held onto my hand and continued to follow me past the rickshaws, street vendors, and animals back towards our hotel. As we approached Alpine Hotel, I couldn’t believe what I saw. Puppies! My heart melted, Makaira knew what I was thinking and she gave me the disappointed look that my mom used to give me when I was little, as if to say, “no you can not bring those puppies into our room.” We walked back up the stairs into our hotel. The man at the reception desk smiled, nodded and quietly said, “Tashi Delek”. But, Makaira was in a daze and I felt like crying because I knew the puppies were hungry and the mom was so exhausted that she could barely get up to chase after her babies to ensure their safety. As a result, we both collapsed speechless on the couch, the fan still moving at top speed. Someone snapped, “Hey… there you both are. Did you fall asleep?”My eyes refocused, and I saw Cohen and Jordan standing above us in the lobby. All of the anger that I had suppressed suddenly emerged. “Of course we fell asleep! We told you NOT to leave without us!” I shrieked. “I m sorry,” stammered Cohen. “We did knock on your door, but we both decided that you obviously needed sleep since you didn’t wake up.” Makaira stared at him blankly and muttered unenthusiastically, “I suppose we were tired.”“Ok, well we found out where we are going, but we haven’t gone yet. We were waiting to go there with you, are you ready?” Jordan stated with uncertainty. Watching me to see my response. “I suppose so, but we would have both appreciated you waiting for us. Even if you didn’t go there, it would have been nice to explore the city together before!” I blurted out more cynically than I had hoped. Cohen’s eyes shifted from side to side and awkwardly, “Ok, well shall we go then?”“Yes, it would make sense…” I glared at Cohen, hating them for letting us fall asleep. Cohen was already out of the front door by the time I mustered enough energy to get up. As soon as I stepped out the front door the heat and smell of cow dung surrounded me like a blanket. We walked in silence down the street, this time going right instead of left. Exploring the unknown. “How is it that we get there?” I finally asked after my anger had subsided. “We need to walk down to the main street and get a rickshaw,” Jordan replied excitedly. As we walked around the next corner I froze, “We are all going to fit… in there?” “It will be better if we stick together in one, rather than separating,” Cohen explained, “Emelin, you’re the smallest, you can sit on the top.”“Alright,” I replied hesitantly. All I could think about was how cramped and sweaty it will be jammed into this tiny rickshaw that is meant to seat three very tiny people. “But, you guys better make sure I don’t fall out,” I stated firmly. Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira were crammed into the back of the rickshaw and I stood there staring blankly, trying to figure out how I was going to fit.“Hurry up!” shouted Jordan, “Let’s go! We need to get there before the sun starts to set.”I climbed into the rickshaw, and held on for dear life. We swerved between cars, bikes, and other rickshaws and each time we did I tightened my grip so much that my nails dug into the skin on my hand, nearly making them bleed. I closed my eyes

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

and just visualized where we were heading and what I would get to explore once we arrived, that is if I do not fall out first. I could hear Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira talking excitedly, but I couldn’t make out any of the words. I could only hear my heart beating and the constant sound of horns honking. Which evidently is the signal for; here I come get out of my way. I finally heard the rickshaw sputter to a stop and the driver calmly saying, “Theek, theek.” I jumped out faster than the driver could turn around to collect his money.“Are you ok?” Makaira asked.“Ya, I just need a second. Sitting sideways in that thing is not…” I stammered, not being able to think of the word. I knew if I had eaten anything substantial before getting in the rickshaw I would have been vomiting by now. Once the world around me stopped moving and I was able to stand up straight, I looked at Jordan and Cohen expecting them to be walking towards our destination, but instead they were looking at me concerned. “Are you sure your ok?” Jordan asked.“Yes! Now, where are we going? The sun is going to start setting soon and we need to get there before it does!” I exclaimed as a sense of urgency crept into my voice. Jordan looked at me skeptically and simply pointed down a narrow street. There were no tourists around, but rather children running around playing with the sticks that they had found in a clearing beside the road and a camel that had found refuge in the shade of the trees that looked as though they were melting from the heat of the sun. I started walking down the road, ready to discover what I had been waiting for all day. After what seemed like forever in the hot evening sun I turned to Jordan and snapped, “Are you sure we are going the right way? Who did you ask about this?”“I asked one of the kids I saw on the street,” Jordan stated confidently, “This is the right way, we just need to go a little further.”“You asked a kid?!” I growled.“Yes, they are the most reliable, adults will mislead you. Trust me, we will make it in time,” Jordan sounded more confident than he had all day. We kept walking in silence, following behind Jordan. Just when I had given up hope at discovering this secret lookout, we went around one last corner. For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, I stopped breathing. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. We were finally here! The marble looked milky white in the soft evening sun, and the chaos of the crowds surrounding the monument was incredible. “Can you believe it?” Makaira whispered so quietly I could barely hear her. “No, I can’t, it looks like we are staring at a billboard,” I said equally as quiet. Cohen came up and put his arms around us. “We made it! We never would have come without you two,” he said. “How could we experience one of the most breathtaking places in the world, while you two were sleeping?” I couldn’t believe it. I was standing on the side of the Yamuna River, in one of the only peaceful spots in Agra, watching the sun set on the Taj Mahal. As the sun continued to move lower in the sky, the Taj Mahal was soon bathed in a soft red glow and then the color changed again to a dazzling white against the dark sky, shining like a pearl. The four of us stood there, speechless. After what seemed like only minutes, we reluctantly left our lookout in search of a rickshaw, to reenter the chaos of Agra and head for our hotel. As we piled in, I knew that the rest of our trip would be incredible. We were after all in Incredible India.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

Kellie First Edit of story Into the Unknown

I jolted upright in a sense of panic, unsure of where I was. I could feel the humidity had left a sticky layer on my skin and an unusual smell of garbage, curry, and pollution had filled the room. My eyes slowly started to focus on the world around me, I saw two single beds without any bedding in the middle of a small room, walls covered in a film of dirt, and the bathroom was covered in grimy, yellow tiles. My best friend, Makaira was fast asleep when I flew out of bed shouting in a sense of panic, “Makaira, we slept through our alarm!” Makaira rolled over, still not fully awake, “What… what time is it?”“3:30, we were supposed to meet Jordan and Cohen a half an hour ago. Do you think they waited for us?” I asked. Makaira was up, with her shoes on, pulling the key out of the slot in the wall with a click and the ceiling fan that was the only thing moving the stale air around the room came to an abrupt stop. “I am sure they did Emelin, I didn’t hear anyone at our door and they wouldn’t have left without us. We are here to explore together after all.” I followed Makaira out of the room into the hallway, which was somehow even hotter than our room and began our search for Cohen and Jordan. By the time we got to the bottom of the stairs I was already covered in a thin layer of sweat from the heat and I was dizzy from the speed at which we ran down the stairs. We found ourselves in a small lobby that had three small couches lined up along the wall and ceiling fans moving so fast I thought they were going to detach from the ceiling. Makaira stopped cold and looked back at me in shock. The lobby was empty.“What do we do now? We don’t know where we are supposed to go!” Makaira said with a quiver. I took a deep breath, turned to Makaira and said in a voice more reassuring than I felt, “Let’s go!” I grabbed her hand and we rushed past the front desk out the front door of our hotel. Together we stepped onto the dirt-covered street, clutching each other’s hands tightly. Makaira’s eyes were full of fear; she looked at me unsure of which way we should go. I pulled her down the street towards the crowd. I was dodging around the rickshaws, dogs, and people when Makaira stopped. Her feet were cemented in the ground. “I…I…I don’t think we are going the right way,” she stuttered.“Its ok, let’s just go around the corner and see if we can spot them.” I firmly stated grabbing her hand and pulling her through an alley that smelled like pee and was so narrow that we couldn’t walk side by side. We walked into the unexpected…Makaira trailed behind me digging her nails into my hand, but I kept walking. I immediately saw a black dog, so thin I could count its ribs, laying in the sun warming itself. I looked up at the square we discovered and stopped breathing. It was beautiful. Light hit a small red and gold temple making it glow in such a way that it looked as though there was a superior being enchanting it. Prayer wheels lined the far side of the square and two elderly monks were walking the length of them repeating the mantra, “Om Mani Padme Hum.” The sound of the chanting gave me goose bumps. I could hear Makaira gasp, “It’s exquisite.” As quickly as we were admiring the serenity and beauty of the square it was overtaken by chaos of daily life in the city.Makaira began to stammer, “I need to go back. It’s too hot. I can’t breath.”

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

I looked at my best friend and after knowing her for ten years; I knew that she needed to sit down. “Ok, let’s go.” I stated. I knew that once Makaira got over the jetlag and acclimatized to the heat she would be ready to explore. However, in the mean time she simply held onto my hand and continued to follow me past the rickshaws, street vendors, and animals back towards our hotel. As we approached Alpine Hotel, I couldn’t believe what I saw. Puppies! My heart melted, Makaira knew what I was thinking and she gave me the disappointed look that my mom used to give me when I was little, as if to say, “no you can not bring those puppies into our room.” We walked back up the stairs into our hotel. The man at the reception desk smiled, nodded and quietly said, “Tashi Delek”. But, Makaira was in a daze and I felt like crying because I knew the puppies were hungry and the mom was so exhausted that she could barely get up to chase after her babies to ensure their safety. As a result, we both collapsed speechless on the couch, the fan still moving at top speed. Someone snapped, “Hey… there you both are. Did you fall asleep?”My eyes refocused, and I saw Cohen and Jordan standing above us in the lobby. All of the anger that I had suppressed suddenly emerged. “Of course we fell asleep! We told you NOT to leave without us!” I shrieked. “I m sorry,” stammered Cohen. “We did knock on your door, but we both decided that you obviously needed sleep since you didn’t wake up.” Makaira stared at him blankly and muttered unenthusiastically, “I suppose we were tired.”“Ok, well we found out where we are going, but we haven’t gone yet. We were waiting to go there with you, are you ready?” Jordan stated with uncertainty. Watching me to see my response. “I suppose so, but we would have both appreciated you waiting for us. Even if you didn’t go there, it would have been nice to explore the city together before!” I blurted out more cynically than I had hoped. Cohen’s eyes shifted from side to side and awkwardly, “Ok, well shall we go then?”“Yes, it would make sense…” I glared at Cohen, hating them for letting us fall asleep. Cohen was already out of the front door by the time I mustered enough energy to get up. As soon as I stepped out the front door the heat and smell of cow dung surrounded me like a blanket. We walked in silence down the street, this time going right instead of left. Exploring the unknown. “How is it that we get there?” I finally asked after my anger had subsided. “We need to walk down to the main street and get a rickshaw,” Jordan replied excitedly. As we walked around the next corner I froze, “We are all going to fit… in there?” “It will be better if we stick together in one, rather than separating,” Cohen explained, “Emelin, you’re the smallest, you can sit on the top.”“Alright,” I replied hesitantly. All I could think about was how cramped and sweaty it will be jammed into this tiny rickshaw that is meant to seat three very tiny people. “But, you guys better make sure I don’t fall out,” I stated firmly. Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira were crammed into the back of the rickshaw and I stood there staring blankly, trying to figure out how I was going to fit.“Hurry up!” shouted Jordan, “Let’s go! We need to get there before the sun starts to set.”I climbed into the rickshaw, and held on for dear life. We swerved between cars, bikes, and other rickshaws and each time we did I tightened my grip so much that my nails dug into the skin on my hand, nearly making them bleed. I closed my eyes

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

and just visualized where we were heading and what I would get to explore once we arrived, that is if I do not fall out first. I could hear Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira talking excitedly, but I couldn’t make out any of the words. I could only hear my heart beating and the constant sound of horns honking. Which evidently is the signal for; here I come get out of my way. I finally heard the rickshaw sputter to a stop and the driver calmly saying, “Theek, theek.” I jumped out faster than the driver could turn around to collect his money.“Are you ok?” Makaira asked.“Ya, I just need a second. Sitting sideways in that thing is not…” I stammered, not being able to think of the word. I knew if I had eaten anything substantial before getting in the rickshaw I would have been vomiting by now. Once the world around me stopped moving and I was able to stand up straight, I looked at Jordan and Cohen expecting them to be walking towards our destination, but instead they were looking at me concerned. “Are you sure your ok?” Jordan asked.“Yes! Now, where are we going? The sun is going to start setting soon and we need to get there before it does!” I exclaimed as a sense of urgency crept into my voice. Jordan looked at me skeptically and simply pointed down a narrow street. There were no tourists around, but rather children running around playing with the sticks that they had found in a clearing beside the road and a camel that had found refuge in the shade of the trees that looked as though they were melting from the heat of the sun. I started walking down the road, ready to discover what I had been waiting for all day. After what seemed like forever in the hot evening sun I turned to Jordan and snapped, “Are you sure we are going the right way? Who did you ask about this?”“I asked one of the kids I saw on the street,” Jordan stated confidently, “This is the right way, we just need to go a little further.”“You asked a kid?!” I growled.“Yes, they are the most reliable, adults will mislead you. Trust me, we will make it in time,” Jordan sounded more confident than he had all day. We kept walking in silence, following behind Jordan. Just when I had given up hope at discovering this secret lookout, we went around one last corner. For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, I stopped breathing. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. We were finally here! The marble looked milky white in the soft evening sun, and the chaos of the crowds surrounding the monument was incredible. “Can you believe it?” Makaira whispered so quietly I could barely hear her. “No, I can’t, it looks like we are staring at a billboard,” I said equally as quiet. Cohen came up and put his arms around us. “We made it! We never would have come without you two,” he said. “How could we experience one of the most breathtaking places in the world, while you two were sleeping?” I couldn’t believe it. I was standing on the side of the Yamuna River, in one of the only peaceful spots in Agra, watching the sun set on the Taj Mahal. As the sun continued to move lower in the sky, the Taj Mahal was soon bathed in a soft red glow and then the color changed again to a dazzling white against the dark sky, shining like a pearl. The four of us stood there, speechless. After what seemed like only minutes, we reluctantly left our lookout in search of a rickshaw, to reenter the chaos of Agra and head for our hotel. As we piled in, I knew that the rest of our trip would be incredible. We were after all in Incredible India.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

Kellie’s edits – Second Draft

Into the Unknown

I jolted upright in a sense of panic, unsure of where I was. Humidity had left a sticky layer on my skin and an unusual smell of garbage, curry, and pollution surrounded me. My eyes slowly started to focus on the world around me. I saw two single beds without any bedding in the middle of a small room, walls covered in a film of dirt, and the bathroom was covered in grimy, yellow tiles. My best friend Makaira was fast asleep when I flew out of bed shouting in a sense of panic, “Makaira, we slept through our alarm!” Makaira rolled over, still not fully awake, “What… what time is it?”“3:30, we were supposed to meet Jordan and Cohen a half an hour ago. Do you think they waited for us?” I asked. Makaira was up, with her shoes on, pulling the key out of the slot in the wall with a click. The ceiling fan that was the only thing moving the stale air around came to an abrupt stop.“I am sure they did Emelin, I didn’t hear anyone at our door and they wouldn’t have left without us. We are here to explore together after all,” Makaira said reassuringly. I followed Makaira out of the room into the hallway, which was somehow even hotter than our room, and began our search for Cohen and Jordan. By the time we got to the bottom of the stairs I was already covered in a thin layer of sweat from the heat and I was dizzy from the speed at which we ran down. We found ourselves in a small lobby with couches and ceiling fans moving so fast I thought they were going to detach from the ceiling. Makaira stopped cold and looked back at me in shock. The lobby was empty.“What do we do now? We don’t know where we are supposed to go!” Makaira said with a quiver. I took a deep breath, turned to Makaira and said in a voice more reassuring than I felt, “Let’s go!” I grabbed her hand and we rushed past the front desk out the front

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

door of our hotel. Together we stepped onto the dirt-covered street, clutching each other’s hands tightly. Makaira’s eyes were full of fear; she looked at me unsure of which way we should go. I pulled her down the street towards the crowd. I was dodging around the rickshaws, dogs, and people when Makaira stopped. Her feet were cemented in the ground. “I . . . I don’t think we are going the right way,” she stuttered.“Its ok, let’s just go around the corner and see if we can spot them.” I firmly stated grabbing her hand and pulling her through an alley that smelled like pee and was so narrow that we couldn’t walk side by side. We walked into the unexpected…Makaira trailed behind me digging her nails into my hand, but I kept walking. I immediately saw a black dog, so thin I could count its ribs, laying in the sun warming itself. I looked up at the square we discovered and stopped breathing.It was beautiful. Light hit a small red and gold temple making it glow in such a way that it looked as though there was a superior being enchanting it. Prayer wheels lined the far side of the square and two elderly monks were walking the length of them repeating the mantra, “Om Mani Padme Hum.” The sound of the chanting gave me goose bumps. I could hear Makaira gasp, “It’s exquisite.” As quickly as we were admiring the serenity and beauty of the square it was overtaken by chaos of daily life in the city.Makaira began to stammer, “I need to go back. It’s too hot. I can’t breath.” I looked at my best friend and after knowing her for ten years; I knew that she needed to sit down. “Ok, let’s go.” I stated. I knew that once Makaira got over the jetlag and acclimatized to the heat she would be ready to explore. In the mean time she simply held onto my hand and continued to follow me past the rickshaws, street vendors, and animals back towards our hotel. As we approached Alpine Hotel, I couldn’t believe what I saw. Puppies! My heart melted, Makaira knew what I was thinking. She gave me the disappointed look that my mom used to give me when I was little, as if to say, “No you can not bring those puppies into our room.” We walked back up the stairs into our hotel.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

The man at the reception desk smiled, nodded and quietly said, “Tashi Delek”.We both collapsed speechless on the couch, staring at the fan that was still moving at top speed. Makaira was in a daze and I felt like crying because I knew the puppies were hungry. Hey… there you both are. Did you fall asleep?”My eyes refocused, and I saw Cohen and Jordan standing above us in the lobby. All of the anger that I had suppressed suddenly emerged. “Of course we fell asleep! We told you NOT to leave without us!” I shrieked. “I m sorry,” stammered Cohen. “We did knock on your door, but we both decided that you obviously needed sleep since you didn’t wake up.” Makaira stared at him blankly and muttered unenthusiastically, “I suppose we were tired.”“Ok, well we found out where we are going, but we haven’t gone yet. We were waiting to go there with you, are you ready?” Jordan stated with uncertainty, watching me to see my response. “I suppose so, but we would have both appreciated you waiting for us. Even if you didn’t go, it would have been nice to explore the city together before!” I blurted out more bitterly than I had hoped. Cohen’s eyes shifted from side to side and awkwardly, “Ok, well shall we go then?”“Yes, it would make sense ...” I glared at Cohen, angry with them for letting us fall asleep. Cohen was already out of the front door by the time I mustered enough energy to get up. As soon as I stepped out the front door the heat and smell of cow dung surrounded me like a blanket. We walked in silence down the street, this time going right instead of left. Exploring the unknown. “How is it that we get there?” I finally asked after my anger had subsided. “We need to walk down to the main street and get a rickshaw,” Jordan replied excitedly. As we walked around the next corner I froze, “We are all going to fit… in there?” “It will be better if we stick together in one, rather than separating,” Cohen explained, “Emelin, you’re the smallest, you can sit on the top.”“Alright,” I replied hesitantly. All I could think about was how cramped and sweaty it will be jammed into this tiny rickshaw that is meant to seat three very tiny people.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

“But, you guys better make sure I don’t fall out,” I stated firmly. Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira were crammed into the back of the rickshaw and I stood there staring blankly, trying to figure out how I was going to fit.“Hurry up!” shouted Jordan, “Let’s go! We need to get there before the sun starts to set.” I climbed into the rickshaw, and held on for dear life. We swerved between cars, bikes, and other rickshaws and each time we did I tightened my grip so much that my nails dug into the skin on my hand, nearly making them bleed. I closed my eyes and just visualized where we were heading and what I would get to explore once we arrived, that is if I do not fall out first. I could hear Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira talking excitedly, but I couldn’t make out any of the words. I could only hear my heart beating and the constant sound of horns honking. Which evidently is the signal for; here I come get out of my way. I finally heard the rickshaw sputter to a stop and the driver calmly saying, “Theek, theek.” I jumped out faster than the driver could turn around to collect his money.“Are you ok?” Makaira asked.“Ya, I just need a second. Sitting sideways in that thing is not…” I stammered, not being able to think of the word. I knew if I had eaten anything substantial before getting in the rickshaw I would have been vomiting by now. Once the world around me stopped moving and I was able to stand up straight, I looked at Jordan and Cohen expecting them to be walking towards our destination, but instead they were looking at me concerned. “Are you sure your ok?” Jordan asked.“Yes! Now, where are we going? The sun is going to start setting soon and we need to get there before it does!” I exclaimed as a sense of urgency crept into my voice. Jordan looked at me skeptically and simply pointed down a narrow street. There were no tourists around, but rather children running around playing with the sticks that they had found in a clearing beside the road and a camel that had found refuge in the shade of the trees that looked as though they were melting from the heat of the sun. I started walking down the road, ready to discover what I had been waiting for all day. After what seemed like forever in the hot evening sun I turned to Jordan and snapped, “Are you sure we are going the right way? Who did you ask about this?”“I asked one of the kids I saw on the street,” Jordan stated confidently, “This is the right way, we just need to go a little further.”

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

“You asked a kid?!” I growled.“Yes, they are the most reliable, adults will mislead you. Trust me, we will make it in time,” Jordan sounded more confident than he had all day. We kept walking in silence, following behind Jordan. Just when I had given up hope at discovering this secret lookout, we went around one last corner. For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, I stopped breathing. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. We were finally here! The marble looked milky white in the soft evening sun, and the chaos of the crowds surrounding the monument was incredible. “Can you believe it?” Makaira whispered so quietly I could barely hear her. “No, I can’t, it looks like we are starring at a billboard,” I said equally as quiet. Cohen came up and put his arms around us. “We made it! We never would have come without you two,” he said. “How could we experience one of the most breathtaking places in the world, while you two were sleeping?” I couldn’t believe it. I was standing on the side of the Yamuna River, in one of the only peaceful spots in Agra, watching the sun set on the Taj Mahal. As the sun continued to move lower in the sky, the Taj Mahal was soon bathed in a soft red glow and then the color changed again to a dazzling white against the dark sky, shining like a pearl. The four of us stood there, speechless. After what seemed like only minutes, we reluctantly left our lookout in search of a rickshaw, to reenter the chaos of Agra and head for our hotel. It felt like a dream as we piled into the rickshaw. A sense of sorrow overwhelmed me as the Taj Mahal faded into the night sky, however I knew that exploring such a beautiful place with my friends is something I will remember forever.

Kellie’s Edits – Third Draft

Forever

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

I jolted upright in a sense of panic. Unsure of where I was. Humidity had left a sticky layer on my skin. An unusual smell of garbage, curry, and pollution surrounded me, a smell that I would remember forever. My eyes slowly started to focus on the world around me. I saw two single beds without any bedding in the middle of a small room, walls covered in a film of dirt, and the bathroom was covered in grimy, yellow tiles. My best friend Makaira was fast asleep when I flew out of bed shouting in a sense of panic, “Makaira, we slept through our alarm!” Makaira rolled over, still not fully awake, “What ... what time is it?”“3:30, we were supposed to meet Jordan and Cohen a half an hour ago. Do you think they waited for us?” I asked. Makaira was up, with her shoes on, pulling the key out of the slot in the wall with a click. The ceiling fan that was the only thing moving the stale air around came to an abrupt stop.“I am sure they did Emelin, I didn’t hear anyone at our door and they wouldn’t have left without us. We are here to explore together after all,” Makaira said reassuringly. I followed Makaira out of the room into the hallway, which was somehow even hotter than our room, and began our search for Cohen and Jordan. By the time we got to the bottom of the stairs I was already covered in a thin layer of sweat from the heat and I was dizzy from the speed at which we ran down. We found ourselves in a small lobby with couches and ceiling fans moving so fast I thought they were going to detach from the ceiling. Makaira stopped cold and looked back at me in shock. The lobby was empty.“What do we do now? We don’t know where we are supposed to go!” Makaira said with a quiver. I took a deep breath, turned to Makaira and said in a voice more reassuring than I felt, “Let’s go!” I grabbed her hand and we rushed past the front desk out the front door of our hotel. Together we stepped onto the dirt-covered street, clutching each other’s hands tightly. Makaira’s eyes were full of fear; she looked at me unsure of which way we should go. I pulled her down the street towards the crowd. I was dodging around the rickshaws, dogs, and people when Makaira stopped. Her feet were cemented in the ground. “I ... I don’t think we are going the right way,” she stuttered.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

“Its ok, let’s just go around the corner and see if we can spot them.” I firmly stated grabbing her hand and pulling her through an alley that smelled like pee and was so narrow that we couldn’t walk side by side. We walked into the unexpected ... Makaira trailed behind me digging her nails into my hand, but I kept going. I immediately saw a black dog, so thin I could count its ribs, laying in the sun warming itself. I looked up at the square we discovered and stopped breathing.It was beautiful. Light hit a small red and gold temple making it glow in such a way that it looked as though there was a superior being enchanting it. Prayer wheels lined the far side of the square and two elderly monks were walking the length of them repeating the mantra, “Om Mani Padme Hum.” The sound of the chanting gave me goose bumps. I could hear Makaira gasp, “It’s exquisite.” As quickly as we were admiring the serenity and beauty of the square it was overtaken by chaos of daily life in the city.Makaira began to stammer, “I need to go back. It’s too hot. I can’t breath.” I looked at my best friend and after knowing her for ten years; I knew that she needed to sit down. “Ok, let’s go.” I stated. I knew that once Makaira got over the jetlag and acclimatized to the heat she would be ready to explore. In the mean time she simply held onto my hand and continued to follow me past the rickshaws, street vendors, and animals back towards our hotel. As we approached Alpine Hotel, I couldn’t believe what I saw. Puppies! My heart melted, Makaira knew what I was thinking. She gave me the disappointed look that my mom used to give me when I was little, as if to say, “No you can not bring those puppies into our room.” We walked back up the stairs into our hotel. The man at the reception desk smiled, nodded and quietly said, “Tashi Delek”.We both collapsed speechless on the couch, staring at the fan that was still moving at top speed. Makaira was in a daze and I felt like crying because I knew the puppies were hungry. Hey ... there you both are. Did you fall asleep?”My eyes refocused, and I saw Cohen and Jordan standing above us in the lobby. All of the anger that I had suppressed suddenly emerged.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

“Of course we fell asleep! We told you NOT to leave without us!” I shrieked. “I m sorry,” stammered Cohen. “We did knock on your door, but we both decided that you obviously needed sleep since you didn’t wake up.” Makaira stared at him blankly and muttered unenthusiastically, “I suppose we were tired.”“Ok, well we found out where we are going, but we haven’t gone yet. We were waiting to go there with you, are you ready?” Jordan stated with uncertainty, watching me to see my response. “I suppose so, but we would have both appreciated you waiting for us. Even if you didn’t go, it would have been nice to explore the city together before!” I blurted out more bitterly than I had hoped. Cohen’s eyes shifted from side to side and awkwardly, “Ok, well shall we go then?”“Yes, it would make sense ...” I glared at Cohen, angry with them for letting us fall asleep. Cohen was already out of the front door by the time I mustered enough energy to get up. As soon as I stepped out the front door the heat and smell of cow dung surrounded me like a blanket. We walked in silence down the street, this time going right instead of left. Exploring the unknown. “How is it that we get there?” I finally asked after my anger had subsided. “We need to walk down to the main street and get a rickshaw,” Jordan replied excitedly. As we walked around the next corner I froze, “We are all going to fit… in there?” “It will be better if we stick together in one, rather than separating,” Cohen explained, “Emelin, you’re the smallest, you can sit on the top.”“Alright,” I replied hesitantly. All I could think about was how cramped and sweaty it will be jammed into this tiny rickshaw that is meant to seat three very tiny people. “But, you guys better make sure I don’t fall out,” I stated firmly. Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira were crammed into the back of the rickshaw and I stood there staring blankly, trying to figure out how I was going to fit.“Hurry up! Let’s go! We need to get there before the sun starts to set,” Jordan shouted.I climbed into the rickshaw, and held on for dear life. We swerved between cars, bikes, and other rickshaws and each time we did I tightened my grip so much that

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

my nails dug into the skin on my hand, nearly making them bleed. I closed my eyes and just visualized where we were heading and what I would get to explore once we arrived, that is if I do not fall out first. I could hear Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira talking excitedly, but I couldn’t make out any of the words. I could only hear my heart beating and the constant sound of horns honking. Which evidently is the signal for; here I come get out of my way. I finally heard the rickshaw sputter to a stop and the driver calmly saying, “Theek, theek.” I jumped out faster than the driver could turn around to collect his money.“Are you ok?” Makaira asked.“Ya, I just need a second. Sitting sideways in that thing is not …” I stammered, not being able to think of the word. I knew if I had eaten anything substantial before getting in the rickshaw I would have been vomiting by now. Once the world around me stopped moving and I was able to stand up straight, I looked at Jordan and Cohen expecting them to be walking towards our destination, but instead they were looking at me concerned. “Are you sure your ok?” Jordan asked.“Yes! Now, where are we going? The sun is going to start setting soon and we need to get there before it does!” I exclaimed as a sense of urgency crept into my voice. Jordan looked at me skeptically and simply pointed down a narrow street. There were no tourists around, but rather children running around playing with the sticks that they had found in a clearing beside the road. Next to them a camel that had found refuge in the shade of the trees that looked as though they were melting from the heat of the sun. I started walking down the road, ready to discover what I had been waiting for all day. After what seemed like forever in the hot evening sun I turned to Jordan and snapped, “Are you sure we are going the right way? Who did you ask about this?”“I asked one of the kids I saw on the street,” Jordan stated confidently, “This is the right way, we just need to go a little further.”“You asked a kid!” I growled.“Yes, they are the most reliable, adults will mislead you. Trust me, we will make it in time,” Jordan sounded more confident than he had all day. We kept walking in silence, following behind Jordan. Just when I had given up hope at discovering this secret lookout, we went around one last corner. For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, I stopped breathing.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. We were finally here! The marble looked milky white in the soft evening sun, and the chaos of the crowds surrounding the monument was incredible. “Can you believe it?” Makaira whispered so quietly I could barely hear her. “No, I can’t, it looks like we are starring at a billboard,” I said equally as quiet. Cohen came up and put his arms around us. “We made it! We never would have come without you two,” he said. “How could we experience one of the most breathtaking places in the world, while you two were sleeping?” I couldn’t believe it. I was standing on the side of the Yamuna River, one of the only peaceful spots in Agra. Watching the sun set on the Taj Mahal. As the sun continued to move lower in the sky, the Taj Mahal was bathed in a soft red glow and then the color changed again to a dazzling white. Against the dark sky it shined like a pearl. The four of us stood there, speechless. After what seemed like only minutes, we reluctantly left our lookout in search of a rickshaw, to reenter the chaos of Agra and head for our hotel. It felt like a dream as we piled into the rickshaw. A sense of sorrow overwhelmed me as the Taj Mahal faded into the night sky, however I knew that exploring such a beautiful place with my friends is something I will remember forever.

Kellie’s Edits – Fourth Draft

Forever

I jolted upright in a sense of panic. Unsure of where I was. Humidity had left a sticky layer on my skin. An unusual smell of garbage, curry, and pollution surrounded me, a smell that I would remember forever. My eyes slowly started to focus on the world around me. I saw two single beds without any bedding in the middle of a small room, walls covered in a film of dirt, and the bathroom was covered in grimy, yellow tiles. My best friend Makaira was fast asleep when I flew out of bed shouting in a sense of panic, “Makaira, we slept through our alarm!”

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

Makaira rolled over, still not fully awake, “What . . . what time is it?”“3:30, we were supposed to meet Jordan and Cohen a half an hour ago. Do you think they waited for us?” I asked. Makaira was up, with her shoes on, pulling the key out of the slot in the wall with a click. The ceiling fan came to an abrupt stop and the air in the room turned stale.“I am sure they did Emelin, I didn’t hear anyone at our door and they wouldn’t have left without us. We are here to explore together after all,” Makaira said reassuringly. I followed Makaira out of the room into the hallway, which was somehow even hotter than our room, and began our search for Cohen and Jordan. By the time we got to the bottom of the stairs I was already covered in a thin layer of sweat from the heat and I was dizzy from the speed at which we ran down. We found ourselves in a small lobby with couches and ceiling fans moving so fast I thought they were going to detach from the ceiling. Makaira stopped cold and looked back at me in shock. The lobby was empty.“What do we do now? We don’t know where we are supposed to go!” Makaira said with a quiver. I took a deep breath, turned to Makaira and said in a voice more reassuring than I felt, “Let’s go!” I grabbed her hand and we rushed past the front desk out the front door of our hotel. Together we stepped onto the dirt-covered street, clutching each other’s hands tightly. Makaira’s eyes were full of fear; she looked at me unsure of which way we should go. I pulled her down the street towards the crowd. I was dodging around the rickshaws, dogs, and people when Makaira stopped. Her feet were cemented in the ground. “I . . . I don’t think we are going the right way,” she stuttered.“Its ok, let’s just go around the corner and see if we can spot them.” I firmly stated grabbing her hand and pulling her through an alley that smelled like pee and was so narrow that we couldn’t walk side by side. We walked into the unexpected . . . Makaira trailed behind me digging her nails into my hand, but I kept going. I immediately saw a black dog, so thin I could count its ribs, laying in the sun warming itself. I looked up at the square we discovered and stopped breathing.It was beautiful. Light hit a small red and gold temple making it glow in such a way that it looked as though there was a superior being enchanting it. Prayer wheels

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

lined the far side of the square and two elderly monks were walking the length of them repeating the mantra, “Om Mani Padme Hum.” The sound of the chanting gave me goose bumps and I wished I could stay there forever. I could hear Makaira gasp, “It’s exquisite.” As quickly as we were admiring the serenity and beauty of the square it was overtaken by chaos of daily life in the city.Makaira began to stammer, “I need to go back. It’s too hot. I can’t breath.” I looked at my best friend and after knowing her for ten years; I knew that she needed to sit down. “Ok, let’s go.” I stated. I knew that once Makaira got over the jetlag and acclimatized to the heat she would be ready to explore. In the mean time she simply held onto my hand and continued to follow me past the rickshaws, street vendors, and animals back towards our hotel. As we approached Alpine Hotel, I couldn’t believe what I saw. Puppies! My heart melted, Makaira knew what I was thinking. She gave me the disappointed look that my mom used to give me when I was little, as if to say, “No you can not bring those puppies into our room.” We walked back up the stairs into our hotel. The man at the reception desk smiled, nodded and quietly said, “Tashi Delek.”We both collapsed speechless on the couch, staring at the fan that was still moving at top speed for what seemed like forever. Makaira was in a daze and I felt like crying because I knew the puppies were hungry. “Hey . . . there you both are. Did you fall asleep?”My eyes refocused, and I saw Cohen and Jordan standing above us in the lobby. All of the anger that I had suppressed suddenly emerged. “Of course we fell asleep! We told you NOT to leave without us!” I shrieked. “I m sorry,” stammered Cohen. “We did knock on your door, but we both decided that you obviously needed sleep since you didn’t wake up.” Makaira stared at him blankly and muttered unenthusiastically, “I suppose we were tired.”“Ok, well we found out where we are going, but we haven’t gone yet. We were waiting to go there with you, are you ready?” Jordan stated with uncertainty, watching me to see my response.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

“I suppose so, but we would have both appreciated you waiting for us. Even if you didn’t go, it would have been nice to explore the city together before!” I blurted out more bitterly than I had hoped. Cohen’s eyes shifted from side to side and awkwardly, “Ok, well shall we go then?”“Yes, it would make sense . . .” I glared at Cohen, angry with them for letting us fall asleep. Cohen was already out of the front door by the time I mustered enough energy to get up. As soon as I stepped out the front door the heat and smell of cow dung surrounded me like a blanket. We walked in silence down the street, this time going right instead of left, exploring the unknown. “How is it that we get there?” I finally asked after my anger had subsided. “We need to walk down to the main street and get a rickshaw,” Jordan replied excitedly. As we walked around the next corner I froze, “We are all going to fit . . . in there?” “It will be better if we stick together in one, rather than separating,” Cohen explained, “Emelin, you’re the smallest, you can sit on the top.”“Alright,” I replied hesitantly. All I could think about was how cramped and sweaty it will be jammed into this tiny rickshaw that is meant to seat three very tiny people. “But, you guys better make sure I don’t fall out,” I stated firmly. Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira were crammed into the back of the rickshaw and I stood there staring blankly, trying to figure out how I was going to fit.“Hurry up! Let’s go! We need to get there before the sun starts to set,” Jordan shouted.I climbed into the rickshaw, and held on for dear life. We swerved between cars, bikes, and other rickshaws and each time we did I tightened my grip so much that my nails dug into the skin on my hand, nearly making them bleed. The ride seemed to last forever. I closed my eyes and visualized where we were heading and what I would get to explore once we arrived, that is if I do not fall out first. I could hear Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira talking excitedly, but I couldn’t make out any of the words. I could only hear my heart beating and the constant sound of horns honking. Which evidently is the signal for; here I come get out of my way. I finally heard the rickshaw sputter to a stop and the driver calmly saying, “Theek, theek.” I jumped out faster than the driver could turn around to collect his money.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

“Are you ok?” Makaira asked.“Ya, I just need a second. Sitting sideways in that thing is not . . .” I stammered, not being able to think of the word. I knew if I had eaten anything substantial before getting in the rickshaw I would be vomiting by now. Once the world around me stopped moving and I was able to stand up straight, I looked at Jordan and Cohen expecting them to be walking towards our destination, but instead they were looking at me concerned. “Are you sure your ok?” Jordan asked.“Yes! Now, where are we going? The sun is going to start setting soon and we need to get there before it does!” I exclaimed as a sense of urgency crept into my voice. Jordan looked at me skeptically and simply pointed down a narrow street. There were no tourists around, but rather children running around playing with the sticks that they had found in a clearing beside the road. Next to them a camel that had found refuge in the shade of the trees that looked as though they were melting from the heat of the sun. I started walking down the road, ready to discover what I had been waiting for all day. After what seemed like forever in the hot evening sun I turned to Jordan and snapped, “Are you sure we are going the right way? Who did you ask about this?”“I asked one of the kids I saw on the street,” Jordan stated confidently, “This is the right way, we just need to go a little further.”“You asked a kid!” I growled.“Yes, they are the most reliable, adults will mislead you. Trust me, we will make it in time,” Jordan sounded more confident than he had all day. We kept walking in silence, following behind Jordan. Just when I had given up hope at discovering this secret lookout, we went around one last corner. For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, I stopped breathing. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. We were finally here! The marble looked milky white in the soft evening sun, and the chaos of the crowds surrounding the monument was incredible. “Can you believe it?” Makaira whispered so quietly I could barely hear her. “No, I can’t, it looks like we are starring at a billboard,” I said equally as quiet. Cohen came up and put his arms around us. “We made it! We never would have come without you two,” he said. “How could we experience one of the most breathtaking places in the world, while you two were sleeping?”

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

I couldn’t believe it. I was standing on the side of the Yamuna River, one of the only peaceful spots in Agra. Watching the sun set on the Taj Mahal. As the sun continued to move lower in the sky, the Taj Mahal was bathed in a soft red glow and then the color changed again to a dazzling white. Against the dark sky it shined like a pearl. The four of us stood there, speechless. After what seemed like only minutes, we reluctantly left our lookout in search of a rickshaw, to reenter the chaos of Agra and head for our hotel. It felt like a dream as we piled into the rickshaw. A sense of sorrow overwhelmed me as the Taj Mahal faded into the night sky, however I knew that exploring such a beautiful place with my friends is something I will remember forever. Kellie’s Edits - Fifth Draft

The Secret Lookout

I jolted upright in a sense of panic. I was unsure of where I was. Humidity had left a sticky layer on my skin. An unusual smell of garbage, curry, and pollution surrounded me, a smell that I would remember forever. My eyes slowly started to focus on the world around me. I saw two single beds without any blankets in the middle of a small room. The walls were covered in a film of dirt and the yellow bathroom tiles hidden by a thick layer of grime. My best friend Makaira was fast asleep when I flew out of bed shouting in a sense of panic, “Makaira, we slept through our alarm!” Makaira rolled over, still not fully awake, “What . . . what time is it?”“3:30, we were supposed to meet Jordan and Cohen a half an hour ago. Do you think they waited for us?” I asked. Makaira was up, with her shoes on, pulling the key out of the slot in the wall with a click. The ceiling fan came to an abrupt stop and instantly the air in the room turned stale.“I am sure they did Emelin, I didn’t hear anyone at our door and they wouldn’t have left without us. We are here to explore together after all,” Makaira said reassuringly. I followed Makaira out of the room into the hallway, which was somehow even hotter than our room, and began our search for Cohen and Jordan. By the time we

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

got to the bottom of the stairs I was already covered in a thin layer of sweat from the heat and I was dizzy from the speed at which we ran down. We found ourselves in a small lobby with couches and ceiling fans moving so fast I thought they were going to detach from the ceiling. Makaira stopped cold and looked back at me in shock. The lobby was empty.“What do we do now? We don’t know where we are supposed to go!” Makaira said with a quiver. I took a deep breath in order to suppress my annoyance. Then turned to Makaira and said in a voice more reassuring than I felt, “Let’s go!” I grabbed her hand and we rushed past the front desk out the front door of our hotel. Together we stepped onto the dirt-covered street, clutching each other’s hands tightly. Makaira’s eyes were full of fear; she looked at me unsure of which way we should go. I pulled her down the street towards the crowd. I was dodging around the rickshaws, dogs, and people when Makaira stopped. Her feet were cemented in the ground. “I . . . I don’t think we are going the right way,” she stuttered.“Its ok, let’s just go around the corner and see if we can spot them.” I firmly stated grabbing her hand and pulling her through an alley that smelled like pee and was so narrow that we couldn’t walk side by side. We walked into the unexpected . . . Makaira trailed behind me digging her nails into my hand, but I kept going. I looked up at the square we discovered and stopped breathing.It was beautiful. Light hit a small red and gold temple making it glow in such a way that it looked as though there was a superior being enchanting it. Prayer wheels lined the far side of the square and two elderly monks were walking the length of them repeating the mantra, “Om Mani Padme Hum.” The sound of the chanting gave me goose bumps and I felt a stillness overcome my body. I wished I could stay there forever, but I now wanted to get to this secret lookout even more than ever. I could hear Makaira gasp, “It’s exquisite.” As quickly as we were admiring the serenity and beauty of the square it was overtaken by chaos of daily life in the city.Makaira began to stammer, “I need to go back. It’s too hot. I can’t breath.” I looked at my best friend and after knowing her for ten years; I knew that she needed to sit down. There was no way she could continue to search for Cohen, Jordan, and the secret lookout.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

“Ok, let’s go.” I stated. I knew that once Makaira got over the jetlag and acclimatized to the heat she would be able to keep up. In the mean time she simply held onto my hand and continued to follow me past the rickshaws, street vendors, and animals back towards our hotel. We approached the Alpine Hotel and sluggishly walked up the stairs into the lobby. The man at the reception desk smiled, nodded and quietly said, “Tashi Delek.”We both collapsed speechless on the couch, staring at the fan that was still moving at top speed for what seemed like forever. “Hey . . . there you both are. Did you fall asleep?”My eyes refocused, and I saw Cohen and Jordan standing above us in the lobby. All of the frustration that I had suppressed suddenly resurfaced. “Of course we fell asleep! We told you NOT to leave without us!” I shrieked. “I m sorry,” stammered Cohen. “We did knock on your door, but we both decided that you obviously needed sleep since you didn’t wake up.” Makaira stared at him blankly and muttered unenthusiastically, “I suppose we were tired.”“Ok, well we found out where we are going. We were waiting to go there with you, are you ready?” Jordan stated with uncertainty, watching me to see my response. “I suppose so, but we would have both appreciated you waiting for us. Even if you didn’t go, it would have been nice to explore the city together before!” I blurted out more bitterly than I had hoped. Cohen’s eyes shifted from side to side and awkwardly, “Ok, well, shall we go then?”“Yes, it would make sense . . .” I glared at Cohen, still irritated with them for letting us fall asleep. Cohen was already out of the front door by the time I mustered enough energy to get up. As soon as I stepped out the front door the heat and smell of cow dung surrounded me like a blanket. We walked in silence down the street, this time going right instead of left, exploring the unknown. “How is it that we get there?” I finally asked after my anger had subsided. “We need to walk down to the main street and get a rickshaw,” Jordan replied excitedly. As we walked around the next corner I froze, “We are all going to fit . . . in there?”

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

“It will be better if we stick together in one, rather than separating,” Cohen explained, “Emelin, you’re the smallest, you can sit on the top.”“Alright . . . but, you guys better make sure I don’t fall out,” I stated unenthusiastically. Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira were crammed into the back of the rickshaw and I stood there staring blankly, trying to figure out how I was going to fit.“Hurry up! Let’s go! We need to get there before the sun starts to set,” Jordan shouted.I climbed into the rickshaw, and held on for dear life. We swerved between cars, bikes, and other rickshaws and each time we did I tightened my grip so much that my nails dug into the skin on my hand, nearly making them bleed. The ride seemed to last forever. I closed my eyes and visualized where we were heading. I could hear Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira talking excitedly, but I couldn’t make out any of the words. I could only hear my heart beating and the constant sound of horns honking. Which evidently is the signal for; here I come get out of my way. I finally heard the rickshaw sputter to a stop and the driver calmly saying, “Theek, theek.” I jumped out faster than the driver could turn around to collect his money.“Are you ok?” Makaira asked.“Ya, I just need a second. Sitting sideways in that thing is not . . .” I stammered, not being able to think of the word. I knew if I had eaten anything substantial before getting in the rickshaw I would be vomiting by now. Once the world around me stopped moving and I was able to stand up straight, I looked at Jordan and Cohen expecting them to be walking towards the secret spot, but instead they were looking at me concerned. “Are you sure your ok?” Jordan asked.“Yes! Now, where are we going? The sun is going to start setting soon and we need to get there before it does!” I exclaimed as a sense of urgency crept into my voice. Jordan looked at me skeptically and simply pointed down a narrow street. There were no tourists around, but rather children running around playing with the sticks that they had found in a clearing beside the road. Next to them a camel that had found refuge in the shade of the trees that looked as though they were melting from the heat of the sun. I started walking down the road, ready to discover what I had been waiting for all day.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

After what seemed like forever in the hot evening sun I was starting to get concerned that we weren’t going to make it. I turned to Jordan and snapped, “Are you sure we are going the right way? Who did you ask about this?”“I asked one of the kids I saw on the street,” Jordan stated confidently, “This is the right way, we just need to go a little further.”“You asked a kid!” I growled. “Yes, they are the most reliable, adults will mislead you. Trust me, we will make it in time,” Jordan sounded more confident than he had all day. We kept walking in silence, following behind Jordan. Just when I had given up hope at discovering this secret lookout, we went around one last corner. For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, I stopped breathing. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. We were finally here! The marble looked milky white in the soft evening sun, and the chaos of the crowds surrounding the monument was incredible. My face started to hurt from smiling, but I couldn’t stop. It was even more breathtaking than I had anticipated. Makaira, Cohen, Jordan, and I all stood silently staring in awe while it sunk in. “Can you believe it?” Makaira whispered so quietly I could barely hear her. “No, I can’t, it looks like we are staring at a picture. It doesn’t look real,” I said equally as quiet. Cohen came up and put his arms around us. “We made it! We never would have come without you two,” he said. “How could we experience one of the most breathtaking places in the world, while you two were sleeping?” I was still frozen in awe and disbelief. I was standing on the side of the Yamuna River, one of the only peaceful spots in Agra, watching the sun set on the Taj Mahal. As the sun continued to move lower in the sky, the majestic building was bathed in a soft red glow and then the color changed again to a dazzling white. Against the dark sky it shined like a pearl. The four of us stood there, speechless. The relentless heat left with the sun and all four of us sat down on the side of the river to admire the beauty of the Taj Mahal. No one could take their eyes off of it. The trees that surrounded our look out drowned out the constant hum of traffic and people We sat there in silence as the moon lit up the Taj Mahal against the night sky. “I am so happy that we all made it here together,” Makaira said under her breath so quietly we could barely hear.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

“Me too, it wouldn’t have been the same without you guys!” Jordan said softly.I looked at each of my friends and knew that this would be a moment we would remember forever. Suddenly, all of the events of the day turned into a distant memory. All I could recall was the feeling of awe and excitement that overwhelmed me when I first saw the Taj Mahal. After what seemed like only minutes, we reluctantly left our lookout in search of a rickshaw. It felt like a dream as we walked up the road towards the chaos of the city. I was still speechless. I could hear Cohen and Jordan talking excitedly, but I didn’t know what they were saying. I kept walking in a daze, unsure of what I was feeling. As we piled into the rickshaw, a sense of sorrow overwhelmed me. I was sad to leave the incredible Taj Mahal behind, even though the day’s events had been chaotic and I was ready for bed. As the Taj Mahal faded into the night sky, the sorrow that I felt was gradually replaced by a feeling of tranquility and happiness. It was a moment that I will remember forever.

Melissa’s Sixth Draft

Bedlam to Beauty

I jolted upright in a sense of panic. I was unsure of where I was. Humidity had left a sticky layer on my skin. An unusual smell of garbage, curry, and pollution surrounded me, a smell that I would remember forever. My eyes slowly started to focus on the world around me. I saw two single beds without any blankets in the middle of a small room. The walls were covered in a film of dirt and the yellow bathroom tiles hidden by a thick layer of grime. My best friend Makaira was fast asleep when I flew out of bed shouting in a sense of panic, “Makaira, we slept through our alarm!” Makaira rolled over, still not fully awake, “What . . . what time is it?”“3:30, we were supposed to meet Jordan and Cohen a half an hour ago. Do you think they waited for us?” I asked.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

Makaira was up, with her shoes on, pulling the key out of the slot in the wall with a click. The ceiling fan came to an abrupt stop and instantly the air in the room turned stale.“I am sure they did Emelin, I didn’t hear anyone at our door and they wouldn’t have left without us. We are here to explore together after all,” Makaira said reassuringly. I followed Makaira out of the room into the hallway, which was somehow even hotter than our room, and began our search for Cohen and Jordan. By the time we got to the bottom of the stairs I was already covered in a thin layer of sweat from the heat and I was dizzy from the speed at which we ran down. We found ourselves in a small lobby with couches and ceiling fans moving so fast I thought they were going to detach from the ceiling. Makaira stopped cold and looked back at me in shock. The lobby was empty.“What do we do now? We don’t know where we are supposed to go!” Makaira said with a quiver. I took a deep breath in order to suppress my annoyance. Then turned to Makaira and said in a voice more reassuring than I felt, “Let’s go!” I grabbed her hand and we rushed past the front desk out the front door of our hotel. Together we stepped onto the dirt-covered street, clutching each other’s hands tightly. Makaira’s eyes were full of fear; she looked at me unsure of which way we should go. I pulled her down the street towards the crowd, towards bedlam. I was dodging around the rickshaws, dogs, and people when Makaira stopped. Her feet were cemented in the ground. “I . . . I don’t think we are going the right way,” she stuttered.“Its ok, let’s just go around the corner and see if we can spot them.” I firmly stated grabbing her hand and pulling her through an alley that smelled like pee and was so narrow that we couldn’t walk side by side. We walked into the unexpected . . . Makaira trailed behind me digging her nails into my hand, but I kept going. I looked up at the square we discovered and stopped breathing.It was beautiful. Light hit a small red and gold temple making it glow in such a way that it looked as though there was a superior being enchanting it. Prayer wheels lined the far side of the square and two elderly monks were walking the length of them repeating the mantra, “Om Mani Padme Hum.” The sound of the chanting

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

gave me goose bumps and I felt a stillness overcome my body. I wished I could stay there forever, but I now wanted to get to our destination even more than ever. I could hear Makaira gasp, “It’s exquisite.” As quickly as we were admiring the serenity and beauty of the square it was overtaken by chaos of daily life in the city.Makaira began to stammer, “I need to go back. It’s too hot. I can’t breath.” I looked at my best friend and after knowing her for ten years; I knew that she needed to sit down. There was no way she could continue to search for Cohen, Jordan, and the secret lookout. “Ok, let’s go.” I stated. I knew that once Makaira got over the jetlag and acclimatized to the heat she would be able to keep up. In the mean time she simply held onto my hand and continued to follow me past the rickshaws, street vendors, and animals back towards our hotel. We approached the Alpine Hotel and sluggishly walked up the stairs into the lobby. The man at the reception desk smiled, nodded and quietly said, “Tashi Delek.”We both collapsed speechless on the couch, staring at the fan that was still moving at top speed for what seemed like forever. “Hey . . . there you both are. Did you fall asleep?”My eyes refocused, and I saw Cohen and Jordan standing above us in the lobby. All of the frustration that I had suppressed suddenly resurfaced. “Of course we fell asleep! We told you NOT to leave without us!” I shrieked. “I m sorry,” stammered Cohen. “We did knock on your door, but we both decided that you obviously needed sleep since you didn’t wake up.” Makaira stared at him blankly and muttered unenthusiastically, “I suppose we were tired.”“Ok, well we found out where we are going. We were waiting to go there with you, are you ready?” Jordan stated with uncertainty, watching me to see my response. “I suppose so, but we would have both appreciated you waiting for us. Even if you didn’t go, it would have been nice to explore the city together before!” I blurted out more bitterly than I had hoped. Cohen’s eyes shifted from side to side and awkwardly, “Ok, well, shall we go then?”“Yes, it would make sense . . .” I glared at Cohen, still irritated with them for letting us fall asleep.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

Cohen was already out of the front door by the time I mustered enough energy to get up. As soon as I stepped out the door the heat and smell of cow dung surrounded me like a blanket. We walked in silence down the street this time going right instead of left, exploring the unknown. “How is it that we get there?” I finally asked after my anger had subsided. “We need to walk down to the main street and get a rickshaw,” Jordan replied excitedly. As we walked around the next corner I froze, “We are all going to fit . . . in there?” “It will be better if we stick together in one, rather than separating,” Cohen explained, “Emelin, you’re the smallest, you can sit on the top.”“Alright . . . but, you guys better make sure I don’t fall out,” I stated unenthusiastically. Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira were crammed into the back of the rickshaw and I stood there staring blankly, trying to figure out how I was going to fit.“Hurry up! Let’s go! We need to get there before the sun starts to set,” Jordan shouted.I climbed into the rickshaw, and held on for dear life. We swerved between cars, bikes, and other rickshaws and each time we did I tightened my grip so much that my nails dug into the skin on my hand, nearly making them bleed. The ride seemed to last forever. I closed my eyes and visualized where we were heading, hoping we would soon be out of the confusion. I could hear Cohen, Jordan, and Makaira talking excitedly, but I couldn’t make out any of the words. I could only hear my heart beating and the constant sound of horns honking. Which evidently is the signal for; here I come get out of my way. I finally heard the rickshaw sputter to a stop and the driver calmly saying, “Theek, theek.” I jumped out faster than the driver could turn around to collect his money.“Are you ok?” Makaira asked.“Ya, I just need a second. Sitting sideways in that thing is not . . .” I stammered, not being able to think of the word. I knew if I had eaten anything substantial before getting in the rickshaw I would be vomiting by now. Once the world around me stopped moving and I was able to stand up straight, I looked at Jordan and Cohen expecting them to be walking towards the secret spot, but instead they were looking at me concerned. “Are you sure your ok?” Jordan asked.

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

“Yes! Now, where are we going? The sun is going to start setting soon and we need to get there before it does!” I exclaimed as a sense of urgency crept into my voice. Jordan looked at me skeptically and simply pointed down a narrow street. There were no tourists around, but rather children running around playing with the sticks that they had found in a clearing beside the road. Next to them a camel that had found refuge in the shade of the trees that looked as though they were melting from the heat of the sun. I started walking down the road, ready to discover what I had been waiting for all day. After what seemed like forever in the hot evening sun I was starting to get concerned that we weren’t going to make it. I turned to Jordan and snapped, “Are you sure we are going the right way? Who did you ask about this?”“I asked one of the kids I saw on the street,” Jordan stated confidently, “This is the right way, we just need to go a little further.”“You asked a kid!” I growled. “Yes, they are the most reliable, adults will mislead you. Trust me, we will make it in time,” Jordan sounded more confident than he had all day. We kept walking in silence, following behind Jordan. Just when I had given up hope at discovering this secret lookout, we went around one last corner. For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, I stopped breathing. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. We were finally here! The marble looked milky white in the soft evening sun, and the chaos of the crowds surrounding the monument was overwhelming. My face started to hurt from smiling, but I couldn’t stop. It was even more breathtaking than I had anticipated. Makaira, Cohen, Jordan, and I all stood silently staring in awe while it sunk in. “Can you believe it?” Makaira whispered so quietly I could barely hear her. “No, I can’t, it looks like we are staring at a picture. It doesn’t look real,” I said equally as quiet. Cohen came up and put his arms around us. “We made it! We never would have come without you two,” he said. “How could we experience one of the most breathtaking places in the world, while you two were sleeping?” I was still frozen in awe and disbelief. I was standing on the side of the Yamuna River, one of the only peaceful spots in Agra, watching the sun set on the Taj Mahal. As the sun continued to move lower in the sky, the beautiful building was bathed in

Melissa PhelanEduc 472

a soft red glow and then the color changed again to a dazzling white. Against the dark sky it shined like a pearl. The four of us stood there, speechless. The relentless heat left with the sun and all four of us sat down on the side of the river to admire the beauty of the architecture. No one could take their eyes off of it. The trees that surrounded our look out drowned out the constant hum of traffic and people. We sat there in silence as the moon lit up the mausoleum against the night sky. “I am so happy that we all made it here together,” Makaira said under her breath so quietly we could barely hear. “Me too, it wouldn’t have been the same without you guys!” Jordan said softly.I looked at each of my friends and knew that this would be a moment we would remember forever. Suddenly, all of the events of the day turned into a distant memory. All I could recall was the feeling of awe and excitement that overwhelmed me when we first walked around the corner to our secret lookout. After what seemed like only minutes, we reluctantly left in search of a rickshaw. It felt like a dream as we walked up the road towards the chaos of the city. I was still speechless. I could hear Cohen and Jordan talking excitedly, but I didn’t know what they were saying. I kept walking in a daze, unsure of what I was feeling. As we piled into the rickshaw, a sense of sorrow overwhelmed me. I was sad to leave the incredible Taj Mahal behind, even though the day’s events had been chaotic and I was ready for bed. As the mausoleum faded into the night sky, the sorrow that I felt was gradually replaced by a feeling of tranquility and happiness. It was a moment that I will remember forever.