values and the wisdom of our grandmothers...“the national inuit women’s association, pauktuutit,...

VALUES AND THE WISDOM OF OUR GRANDMOTHERS

TRAUMA: WHEN EMOTIONS ARE STIMULATED IN

CHILDREN AND/OR ADULTS AND THE RELEASE

OF EMOTIONS IS BLOCKED.

Jane Middelton-MozChildren of TraumaCopyright: 1986

WHEN TRAUMA IS NOT SHARED

• INCREASED BLOOD PRESSURE

• LOWERED IMMUNE SYSTEM

• INCREASED HEALTH RISK

• CONTINUAL STRESS

• INCREASED AGGRESSION

• INCREASED ADDICTIONS

James Pennebaker, Ph.D.Opening Up

WHEN TRAUMA IS SHARED

• DECREASE IN BLOOD PRESSURE

• IMPROVED IMMUNE SYSTEM

• DECREASE IN HEALTH RISK

• DECREASED AGGRESSION

• DECREASED ADDICTIONS

• INCREASED CONGRUITY BETWEEN RIGHT AND LEFT HEMISPHERES

James Pennebaker, Ph.D.Opening Up

PRIMARY EFFECTS OF TRAUMAPRIMARY EFFECTS OF TRAUMAJane Middelton-MozJane Middelton-Moz

• The Traumatic Event

• The Meaning Given to theTrauma by the Survivor

• The Individual’s Way of Dealingwith the Trauma

• Support or Lack of Supportfrom others Responding to thesurvivor

SECONDARY EFFECTS OF TRAUMASECONDARY EFFECTS OF TRAUMAJane Middelton-MozJane Middelton-Moz

• Significant people denying, notbelieving

• Blaming the Victim

• Stigma

• Lack of support from theenvironment for the feelingsand beliefs about the trauma

GENERATIONAL TRAUMAJane Middelton-Moz

TRAUMA CUTS US OFF FROM:

SELF/EMOTIONS

PERSONAL POWER

TRUST IN OUR ABILITY TO PROTECTOURSELVES

TRUST OF OTHERS

INTIMACY

RITUAL AND CUSTOMS

COMMUNITY

PATTERNS IN TRAUMA LINES - NUNAVIKPATTERNS IN TRAUMA LINES - NUNAVIKDATE TRAUMA SUPPORT FOR GRIEVING COMMUNITY HEALING

1800’S WHALERS NO NO

1800’S MISSIONARIES NO NO

1900’S RELOCATION NO NO

1950’S ALCOHOL NO NO

1950’S CHILDREN SENT TO NO NO

SCHOOLS OFF LAND

1960’S KILLING OF THE NO NO

DOGS

1960’S ALCOHOL DEATHS NO NO

BEGIN/DENIED

1970’S ABUSE AND RAPE NO NO

1970’S SUICIDES BEGIN NO NO

1990’S INCREASED NO NO

HOMOCIDE

2000’S GANG ACTIVITY NO NO

2000’S SCHOOL SHOOTING NO NO

“The National Inuit women’sassociation, Pauktuutit, says fear,shame, anger, addictions and violenceare threatening Inuit survival.”

‘Fear and denial have paralyzed us,’says the strategy. ‘Leadership isneeded to turn the tide.’”

Nunatsiaq News – October 13, 2006

Jane George

LATERAL VIOLENCEJane Middelton-Moz

RACISM/VIOLENCE/SHAMING

OPPRESSION

WE TURN THE SHAMING/VIOLENCE ANDOPPRESSION ON EACH OTHER

GOSSIP RELIGIOUS WARS COMPETITION PUTDOWNS BLOODISM

FAMILY FEUDS GANGS

OR

FIND PERCEIVED “WEAKER” ONES TO DIRECTVIOLENCE/SHAMING/OPPRESSION

ANOTHER RACE

GENERATIONAL TRAUMA

• ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTED FAMILIES• INSTITUTIONALIZATION• SUICIDE• DEATH AND/OR LOSS THAT IS NOT GRIEVED• PHYSICAL ABUSE• EMOTIONAL ABUSE• RELOCATION• CHRONIC ILLNESS• SECRETS• SEXUAL ABUSE• DIVORCE• VIOLENCE/MURDER/RAPE• WAR• NATURAL DISASTER• FOSTER CARE/ADOPTION• CULTURAL OPPRESSION• RELIGIOUS FANATICISM• BULLYING• COMMUNITY VIOLENCE• POVERTY

Jane MIddelton-Moz

Children of Trauma

Copyright: 1989

HANGOVER STABLE “STAR TIME” FALLING PASSED RISING SIDE SIDE OUT

Jane Middelton-MozAfter the TearsCopyright: 1985

MIDDELTON-MOZ AND DWINELL

After the Tears – Copyright 1985

GENERATIONAL TRAUMA


Jane MIddelton-Moz

Children of Trauma

Copyright: 1989

THEY TOOK OUR CHILDREN AWAYArchie Roach

This story’s right, this story’s true

I would not tell lies to you

Like the promises they did not keep

And how they fenced us in like sheep

Said to us come take our hand

Set us up on mission land

Taught us to read and write and pray

Then they took the children away

Took the children away

The children away

Snatched from their mothers’ breast

Said this is for the best

Took them away.


The welfare and the police came

Said you’ve got to understand

We’ll give to them what you can’t give

Teach them how to really live

Teach they how to live they said

Humiliated them instead

Taught them that and taught them this

Then they taught them prejudice

They took the children away

The children away

Breaking their mothers’ hearts

Tearing us all apart, they took them away.


One dark day on Framingham

Came and didn’t give a damn

My mother cried, “Go get your dad,”

He came running fighting mad

Mother’s tears were falling down

Dad shaped up and stood his ground

He said, “You touch my kids and you fight me.”

Then they took us from our family

They took us away

They took us away

Snatched from our mothers’ breasts

Said this is for the best

Took us away.


Told us what to do and say

Taught us all the white man’s ways

Then they split us up again

And gave us gifts to ease the pain

Sent us off to foster homes

As we grew up, we felt alone

Cause we were acting white yet feeling black

One sweet day all the children came back

The children came back


Back where their hearts grow strong

Back where they all belong

The children came back said the children came back

Back where they understand

Back to their mothers’ land

The children came back.


Back to their mothers

Back to their fathers

Back to their sisters

Back to their brothers

Back to their people

Back to their land

All the children came back.



Yes, I came back.

EFFECTS OF INSTITUTIONALIZATION:EFFECTS OF INSTITUTIONALIZATION:BOARDING SCHOOLS, RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, HOSTELS,BOARDING SCHOOLS, RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, HOSTELS,PROLONGED HOSPITALIZATION AS TOLD BY SURVIVORSPROLONGED HOSPITALIZATION AS TOLD BY SURVIVORS

• BREAKDOWN IN FAMILY VALUES

• LOSS OF PARENTING SKILLS

• SILENCE

• ALCOHOL AND DRUGS

• CRYING SILENTLY

• ABUSE; EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, SEXUAL

• LEARNED TO KEEP SECRETS AND FEELASHAMED

• FEELING STUPID

EFFECTS OF INSTITUTIONALIZATION:EFFECTS OF INSTITUTIONALIZATION:BOARDING SCHOOLS, RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, HOSTELS,BOARDING SCHOOLS, RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, HOSTELS,PROLONGED HOSPITALIZATION AS TOLD BY SURVIVORSPROLONGED HOSPITALIZATION AS TOLD BY SURVIVORS

• LEARNED HELPLESSNESS

• DIFFICULTY WITH DECISION MAKING

• DON’T KNOW HOW TO SHOW AFFECTIONTO MY CHILDREN OR MY PARTNER

• DEPRESSION

• I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL.

• IT MADE ME A SURVIVOR, BUT, I DON’TKNOW HOW TO LIVE

• TERRIFIED TO BE VULNERABLE, SO I RAGE

LATERAL VIOLENCEJane Middelton-Moz

RACISM/VIOLENCE/SHAMING

OPPRESSION

WE TURN THE SHAMING/VIOLENCE ANDOPPRESSION ON EACH OTHER

GOSSIP RELIGIOUS WARS COMPETITION PUTDOWNS BLOODISM

FAMILY FEUDS GANGS

OR

FIND PERCEIVED “WEAKER” ONES TO DIRECTVIOLENCE/SHAMING/OPPRESSION

ANOTHER RACE

WHEN THE CIRCLE BROKE,IT REFORMED INTO APYRAMID AND WHEN ITDID, IT DISEMPOWERED USALL.”

Jane Middelton-Moz

Boiling Point; The High Cost ofUnhealthy Anger to Individualsand Society

Copyright: 1990

GENERATIONAL TRAUMA


Jane MIddelton-Moz

Children of Trauma

Copyright: 1989

•ABANDONMENT AND NEGLECT

•SEXUAL ABUSE

•BULLYING

•1/4 TO 1/3 OF ALL SURVIVING FRIENDS ANDFAMILY OF INDIVIDUALS, WHO COMPLETEDSUICIDES, ATTEMPT SUICIDE

•SEXUAL ORIENTATION

Jane Middelton-Moz

Boiling Point

Copyright - 1999

TRIGGER IMMEDIATE FEELINGS BODY RESPONSEbreakup with depression shutdowngirlfriend

BEHAVIORAL RESPONSE FEELINGS BLOCKED BY BEHAVIOR

suicide attempt anger

UNDERLYING SHAME

childhood abandonment and neglect;lost child

Jane MIddelton-MozBoiling Point; The WorkbookCopyright 2000

“I WOULD GET SO FRUSTRATEDTHAT I WOULD PUNCH WALLS.MOST OF THE TIME I JUSTWANTED TO HURT SOMEONEOR SOMETHING OR END IT ALL.I WOULD PICTURE MYSELFHOLDING A GUN TO MY HEAD.WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD ITMAKE ANYHOW.

“I DON’T EVER CRY. I THINKTHE LAST TIME I CRIED ALITTLE WAS WHEN MY DADDIED AND I HAD TO BE TOUGH.I WAS FOUR.”

-Age 17

GENERATIONAL TRAUMA


Jane MIddelton-Moz

Children of Trauma

Copyright: 1989

GRIEFGRIEFGRIEF:Intense feelings associated witha loss or misfortune.

MOURNING:The expression of grief.

UNRESOLVED OR DELAYED GRIEF:The inability to experience and/or expressgrief as it occurs, leading to difficulties such as:The inability to form and/or maintain relationships;trigger responses; rage; depression; numbing;Illness; etc.

Middelton-Moz, Tener, and ToddThe Ultimate Guide to Transforming AngerCopyright: 2005

REASONS THAT GRIEF IS DELAYEDREASONS THAT GRIEF IS DELAYEDJane Middelton-Moz

•AMBIVALENCE IN THE RELATIONSHIP

•EARLIER EXPERIENCES OF UNGRIEVED LOSS

•UNRESOLVED TRAUMA IN CHILDHOOD OR ADULTHOOD

•LIFE CRISIS PRIOR TO LOSS

•LACK OF SOCIAL SUPPORT

•SECONDARY STRESSES

•ADDICTIONS

HEALING THE PAINMiddelton-Moz

“People like me have lived

in darkness for so long that the light seems

wrong. We’ve known misery for so long that

goodness and happiness produce overwhelming

feelings of shame. Finally, after healing, I now

Know joy. I now know pride.” Male, age 40.

HypervigilenceMiddelton-Moz

“The traumatized brain is compelled to train its

focus away from language and verbal content,

toward nonverbal danger cues –body movements,

facial expressions, tone of voice, searching for

threat related information. This will often come

across as ‘flakiness’ and is often misdiagnosed as

attention deficit disorder.” Bruce Perry M.D.

GENERATIONAL TRAUMA


Jane MIddelton-Moz

Children of Trauma

Copyright: 1989

ANGER: You Are In Control of It

RAGE: It Is In Control of You

DEPRESSION:

Feelings Caught in a Traffic Jam: Anger,Shame, Sadness, Fear, Helplessness andVulnerability

Jane MIddelton-Moz

Boiling Point

Copyright: 1999

UNHEALTHY ANGERUNHEALTHY ANGER

•Keeps us from dealing with the source of our fears.

•Prevents us from working through grief and loss.

•Keeps us from dealing with the messages that continue shame.

•Keeps us from experiencing powerlessness, vulnerability and fear.

•Stops us from resolving conflict.

•Stops problem solving.

•Keeps us isolated.

•Protects us from intimacy.

Jane Middelton-Moz

Boiling Point

Copyright: 1999

TRIGGERS:

Experiences that engage the pain

of delayed grief or trauma from the

past that hasn’t been resolved.

*SIGHTS*SIGHTS *ANNIVERSARY DATES*ANNIVERSARY DATES

*SOUNDS*SOUNDS *AGES OUR CHILDREN TURN*AGES OUR CHILDREN TURN

*TOUCH*TOUCH *SEASONS AND HOLIDAYS*SEASONS AND HOLIDAYS

*SMELLS*SMELLS

*FEELINGS*FEELINGS

*WORDS*WORDS

*GESTURES*GESTURES

Jane Middelton-Moz

Boiling Point: The Workbook

Copyright: 2000

TRIGGER IMMEDIATE FEELINGS BODYRESPONSEpartner coming jealousy/rage tense/tighthome late

BEHAVIORAL RESPONSE FEELINGS BLOCKED BYBEHAVIOR

pacing/screaming at her that he inadequacy, vulnerabilityknows she’s been with anotherman when she comes in.

UNDERLYING SHAME

told from an early age that he was notwanted - that he was in the way

Jane MIddelton-MozBoiling Point; The WorkbookCopyright 2000

GENERATIONAL TRAUMA


Jane MIddelton-Moz

Children of Trauma

Copyright: 1989

“Shame is so intense, and generatessuch powerful negative feelingstowards the self, that the shamedindividual is unable to derive self-esteem from within.”

William Cloke, Ph.D

Jane Middelton-MozShame and Guilt: Masters of DisguiseCopyright: 1990


THE GREATEST BARRIER TO OUR OWNHEALING IS NOT THE PAIN, SORROW, ORVIOLENCE INFLICTED UPON US AS CHILDRENAND YOUTH. OUR GREATEST BARRIER ISOUR ONGOING CAPACITY TO JUDGE,CRITICIZE AND BRING HARM TOOURSELVES AND OTHERS.

CHILDREN RAISED IN PAIN LEARN TO TRUST WHATIS PAINFUL.


THOSE WHO ARE SHAMED CONTINUALLY SEEK THEIR WORTHEXTERNALLY, OFTEN THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS,

ADDICTIONS OR COMPULSIONS UNFORTUNATELY, FINDINGSELF-ESTEEM OUTSIDE THE SELF IS IMPOSSIBLE. THE

FANTASY NEVER MATCHES THE REALITY. NO ONE CAN LIVEUP TO THE FANTASY IDEAL:

“ SOMEDAY I WILL FINALLY FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE OR SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE ME FEEL

GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.”



CHARLES VAN DEN BERG DEFINES PSYCHOLOGYAS THE “SCIENCE OF LONELINESS”.


GENERATIONAL TRAUMA


Jane MIddelton-Moz

Children of Trauma

Copyright: 1989

DISENGAGING OUR TRIGGERSDISENGAGING OUR TRIGGERSCHANGING PATTERNSCHANGING PATTERNS

Jane MIddelton-Moz

•• NAME ITNAME IT

•• FEEL ITFEEL IT

•• OWN ITOWN IT

•• CHANGE ITCHANGE IT

In order to heal the

effects of cumulative

trauma we need an

“honest mirror”,

providing mirroring that

has been reversed.”

HEALINGHEALING

•• VALIDATIONVALIDATION

•• SOMEONE THERESOMEONE THERE

•• MODELING OF FEELINGSMODELING OF FEELINGS

•• TIMETIME

Jane Middelton-MozJane Middelton-MozChildren of TraumaChildren of Trauma19901990

“STICKS AND STONES ARE HARD ON BONES AIMED WITH ANGRY ART

WORDS CAN STING LIKE ANYTHING

BUT IT’S SILENCE THAT BREAKS YOURHEART”

Jessie – Age 13

From:Part of Me Died TooVirginia FryCopyright: 1995

HEALINGHEALING




•• TIMETIME


WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKINGWritten by a Former Child

•When you thought I wasn’t looking, I sawyou put my first painting on therefrigerator and I immediately wanted topaint another one.

•When you thought I wasn’t looking, I sawyou feed a stray cat and I learned that itwas good to be kind to animals.

•When you thought I wasn’t looking, I sawyou make my favorite cake and I learnedthat the little things can be the specialthings in life.

•When you thought I wasn’t looking, Iheard you say a prayer and I knew thereis a God I could talk to and I learned totrust God.

•When you thought I wasn’t looking, I sawyou make a meal and take it to a friendwho was sick and I learned that we allhave to help take care of each other.

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKING

• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Isaw you give of your time and money tohelp people who had nothing and Ilearned that those who have somethingshould give to those who don’t.

• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Isaw you take care of our house andeveryone in it and I learned we have totake care of what we are given.

• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Isaw how you handled responsibilities,even when you didn’t feel good and Ilearned that I would have to beresponsible when I grow up.

• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Isaw tears come from your eyes and Ilearned that sometime things hurt, butit’s all right to cry.

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKING

• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Isaw that you cared and I wanted to beeverything that I could be.

• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Ilearned most of life’s lessons that Ineed to know to be a good andproductive person when I grow up.

• When you thought I wasn’t looking, Ilooked at you and wanted to say,“Thanks for all the things I saw whenyou thought I wasn’t looking.

Each of us as parents, grandparents,teachers, aunts uncles, friends influencethe life of a child. How will you touch thelife of someone today.

HEALINGHEALING




•• TIMETIME


SOME EFFECTS OF UNRESOLVED TRAUMAJane Middelton-Moz

• Paralyzing Anxiety• The Trauma Addiction Cycle• Trigger Responses• Panic Attacks• Addictive and Compulsive Behaviors• Need to be in Control• Baseline of Anger, Hurt and Fear• Fear of the Ordinary• Chaos Junkies• The Body Cries• Repetitive Relationships• Counter-Dependence• Vulnerability to Loss

PARALYZING ANXIETIES THAT CAN CONTROLPARALYZING ANXIETIES THAT CAN CONTROLTHE LIVES OF TRAUMA SURVIVORSTHE LIVES OF TRAUMA SURVIVORS

BEFORE HEALINGBEFORE HEALING

••FEAR OF CLOSENESS AND INTIMACYFEAR OF CLOSENESS AND INTIMACY

••FEAR OF FEELINGFEAR OF FEELING

••FEAR OF CONFLICTFEAR OF CONFLICT

••FEAR OF MAKING A MISTAKEFEAR OF MAKING A MISTAKE

••FEAR OF CHANGEFEAR OF CHANGE

••FEAR OF AUTHORITYFEAR OF AUTHORITY

••FEAR OF SURPRISESFEAR OF SURPRISES

••FEAR OF FOCUSFEAR OF FOCUS

••FEAR OF DEPENDENCY AND SELF-SUFFICIENCYFEAR OF DEPENDENCY AND SELF-SUFFICIENCY



SOME EFFECTS OF UNRESOLVED TRAUMAJane Middelton-Moz

• The Trauma Addiction Cycle• Trigger Responses• Panic Attacks• Addictive and Compulsive

Behaviors• Need to be in Control• Baseline of Anger, Hurt and Fear• Fear of the Ordinary• Chaos Junkies• The Body Cries• Repetitive Relationships• Counter-Dependence• Vulnerability to Loss

COMPULSION TO REPEAT:

•The one who is humiliatedbecomes the one whohumiliates.

•The one who is humiliatedhurts and humiliatesthemselves.

•The one who is humiliatedseeks out relationships wherehumiliation continues.

Talking it out and feeling it outends acting it out.

Jane Middelton-Moz

Shame and Guilt; Masters of Disguise

THE EFFECT OF TRAUMA ON RELATIONSHIPS

Jane Middelton-Moz

• A DEEP LONGING FOR LOVE YET FEARINTIMACY.

• FEAR OF ABANDONMENT AND ENGULFMENT.

• UNDERMINES COMMUNICATION SKILLS.

• UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES.

• “GO AWAY CLOSER”

• UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES: FUSION ANDDISCONNECTION

• LOSS OF JOY, TRUST AND FAITH

• INABILITY TO ACCEPT (or give) SUPPORT

TRAUMA RECOVERYTRAUMA RECOVERYJane Middelton-Moz

•• LIVING IN BALANCELIVING IN BALANCE•• IN CONTROL OF ANGER RATHERIN CONTROL OF ANGER RATHER

THAN IT BEING IN CONTROL OFTHAN IT BEING IN CONTROL OFYOUYOU

•• REACHING OUT WHEN TRIGGEREDREACHING OUT WHEN TRIGGERED•• ACCEPTANCE OF LOSS; HEALTHYACCEPTANCE OF LOSS; HEALTHY

GRIEVINGGRIEVING•• SPONTANEITYSPONTANEITY•• LIVING WITHOUT CHAOSLIVING WITHOUT CHAOS•• ADDICTION FREE LIVINGADDICTION FREE LIVING•• EMPOWERING SELF AND OTHERSEMPOWERING SELF AND OTHERS•• ACCEPTANCE OF FEARS ANDACCEPTANCE OF FEARS AND

NEEDSNEEDS•• HONESTY WITHOUT JUDGEMENTHONESTY WITHOUT JUDGEMENT•• CONNECTION AND INTIMACYCONNECTION AND INTIMACY•• FRIENDS NOT CASELOADSFRIENDS NOT CASELOADS•• SHOWING UPSHOWING UP•• LIVING IN THE PRESENTLIVING IN THE PRESENT•• FORGIVENESSFORGIVENESS

THE WILL TO SURVIVE“WHEN THE WINTER IS SEVERE, THE PINE TREESIN THIS ANCIENT LAND STAY GREENTHROUGHOUT THE YEAR. IS IT BECAUSE THEEARTH IS WARM AND FRIENDLY? NO, IT ISBECAUSE THE PINE TREE HAS WITHIN ITSELF ALIFE RESTORING POWER”

Ancient Chinese Proverb

RESILIENCY MEANS ONE HAS APOWERFUL SPIRIT. IT IS THESTRENGTH THAT A CHILD/ADULT/

CULTURE REQUIRES TO MASTERTRAUMA.

Jane Middelton-Moz

The Will to Survive:1992

SURVIVORS, FAR FROM DEFEATED BY THETRAUMA OF ABUSE, HAVE A STRONG ANDRESILIENT NATURE:

•CONTINUALLY SEEKING HEALTH

•COMPASSION

•“HUMAN DOINGS”

•SPIRITUALITY

•PAIN INTO ACTION

•CREATIVITY

•TENACITY

•DETERMINATION

Jane Middelton-Moz

“THE WORLD BREAKS ALL OF

US, AND AFTERWARD, MANY

ARE MUCH STRONGER INTHOSE

BROKEN PLACES.”- Hemingway

•• ACKNOWLEDGES LIFE TRANSITIONSACKNOWLEDGES LIFE TRANSITIONS

•• MARKS RITES OF PASSAGEMARKS RITES OF PASSAGE

•• ALLOWS THE EXPRESSION OF STRONGALLOWS THE EXPRESSION OF STRONGEMOTIONS: (EMOTIONS: (grief, joy, anger, pride,grief, joy, anger, pride,gratitude, sadness)gratitude, sadness)

•• HELP US FEEL LESS ALONEHELP US FEEL LESS ALONE

•• STRENGTHEN A SENSE OF COMMUNITYSTRENGTHEN A SENSE OF COMMUNITY

•• REINFORCE THE CIRCLE RATHER THANREINFORCE THE CIRCLE RATHER THANTHE PYRAMIDTHE PYRAMID

Middelton-Moz, Tener, and ToddThe Ultimate Guide to Transforming AngerCopyright: 2004

We Were Born to LiveWe Were Born to LiveWe Were Born to LoveWe Were Born to Love

values and the wisdom of our grandmothers...“the national inuit women’s association, pauktuutit,...

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