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Slide 2 Two Absolute Mysteries: Sexuality and Intimate Loving East Central Region ACPE St. Joseph MI, October 5, 2012 Gordon J Hilsman, D. Min. Slide 3 Introductions HilsmanBalk Slide 4 Slide 5 Slide 6 Objectives Appreciate the evolution of love and the absolute mysteries of sexuality and intimate loving as theological context for todays topic Recognize and engage various sexuality issues in clinical supervision Improve capacity to consult with peers regarding sexuality issues when they arise Slide 7 Mystery: A reality so deep that it can never be comprehended it must be engaged to be appreciated It continues to unfold as it is entered more deeply Slide 8 When I fell in love exercise Background music The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face Slide 9 Venus (sexuality) and Eros (sexual love) Venus (or sexuality in general) motivates a man to seek any woman. Eros on the other hand compels a man towards one particular woman without whom he will not be happy C.S. Lewis Slide 10 Awe A mixture of fear, joy, and unworthiness arising from an encounter with the magnificence of the obviously uncontrollable. Slide 11 Dread Great fear; frightful; terrible. Extreme aversion for, and reluctance to face Slide 12 A given individuals functional spirituality is: All that an individual values, does, says, believes, avoids and decides in order to cope with, enjoy, and find meaning in what cant be controlled Slide 13 Even those who write the books about sex are mostly mystified by it in our own lives. M. Scott Peck Slide 14 Slide 15 Slide 16 Slide 17 Slide 18 4 billion years + Slide 19 Evolution A gradual and painful process of development of the known world from sub-atomic particles and chemical elements to global community and intimate love, energized by a unifying force that is itself evolving. Romantic engagement and sexual attraction are major components of the energy that now fuels the process of evolution. Slide 20 Animal Affinity Slide 21 Slide 22 Physical Evolution of Women Slide 23 Personal Evolution of Women Savvy Homo Sapiens Female Leading South African Scientist Slide 24 A Key to the Future of Humanity If we are going to see real development in the world then our best investment is women Desmond Tutu Slide 25 Slide 26 Who Recognizes These Phrases? (raise your hand) Found his release Just-fucked hair Kinky fuckery Frisson of fear Slide 27 Relevant Themes in Fifty Shades of Grey Dominance /Submission (Acquiescing/ Asserting) Anti-dualism A womans reverie Treasuring immediate, responsive emotional connection Universal wounding Healing through romance The role of sexuality in happiness (depression) Generosity and Receptiveness Sharing the Stuff Slide 28 Female eroticism is a lifelong search for meaning and beauty. Clarissa Pincola-Estes, author of Women Who Run with the Wolves Slide 29 Male eroticism continually seeks expressed affection and an enthusiastic partner for sexual ecstasy. Gordon J. Hilsman, D.Min. Slide 30 Janus Slide 31 Slide 32 Shades of not-right-ness Sexualized too soon Child abuse/neglect Depression Addiction Bipolar ADD/ADHD Combat/violent attack/PTSD __________________ Slide 33 The Dark side of Sex/Love Evolution Sexual Wounding Rape Incest Pedophilia Domestic Violence Sexual Domination Seduction Molestation Abduction Societal Oppression _________________ Slide 34 Ecclesial and Societal Remedies Over-Regulation Distorted Moralizing Insensitive Theology Insensitive Medical Care Legalism Moral, even Penal Preoccupation _______________________ Slide 35 Universal Wounding When treated as an it not an I, by: Parents Siblings and Friends Authorities Systems Potential Lovers Lovers Former Lovers _____________ Slide 36 Personal results of somebody elses lust Hostility Depression Promiscuity Sexual Addiction Prudery Taking refuge in ministry roles Slide 37 Some of this wounded humanity finds its way into your CPE program ! Slide 38 Question/Comment Time Slide 39 BREAK TIME Slide 40 Slide 41 Slide 42 Slide 43 Slide 44 Slide 45 Slide 46 Slide 47 Slide 48 The indicators of Sexual Issues Slide 49 Steps to Emotional Connection Feel something (mad, sad, glad, hurt, afraid, ashamed) Locate a share partner Share (talk, mixing words with emotions) Think Listen to the response Feel the listener Fashion a response to the listeners response Repeat Slide 50 Steps of Sexual Satisfaction Sight Words Touches Create Ambience Pleasuring Orgasmic ecstasy Profound Relaxation Sight . Slide 51 Verbally processing a sexual history Were you ever touched in a way you didnt like? Will you tell a story about that? When did you first fall in love? A story or two? What have been the highs of your love life? What have been the low points? What convictions about intimate loving are you left with today? Slide 52 Questions about sexuality in supervisory practice Slide 53