top 10 ways to make sure your work is never published, or worse, cited nick hopwood (university of...
TRANSCRIPT
Top 10 ways to make sure your work is never published, or worse, cited
Nick Hopwood (University of Technology, Sydney)
See associated blog at nickhop.wordpress.com
I’ve said before and will say again:If you’re worried about getting rejected, don’t be!
It is DEFINITELY going to happen one dayIt happens to all of us
Join the club!
1Good papers that are never
read may be found here
Never submit your work to anyone for review
Why? Fear of rejection / criticismPerfectionismOther excuses
100% safe ZERO chance of getting published in journals
2You can be your own worst
enemy
Perfect your work first
Anyway… Perfectionism is often other excuses in disguise
You will never write a perfect textAccept this, get over it, and move on
3Get E.O.S.
CausesNot re-draftingNot seeking critical feedbackAvoiding the hard questionsBeing in a hurry: ‘quick & dirty’ is really just ‘dirty’
Early Onset SatisfactionMem Fox’s idea
via @ThomsonPat’s blog ‘patter’
Maybe you are not as good as you think you are
4Collapse under harsh critique
Certainties in research:Death, taxes, nasty reviews
This is a rather dull re-hash of very familiar ground… as a piece of policy analysis this is
derivative and lacking in insight and originality. It would merit a ‘B’ as an M.Ed.
essay
5Sell the wrong paper
MethodWrite one title / abstract, and then a completely different paper, ensuring you fail to deliver on your promise
Effective way to frustrate and disappoint reviewers
Does exactly what it says on the tin
Oops!You’re actually going to submit something
to a journal. Eek! It might get acceptedBetter make sure no-one ever reads or,
worse, cites it!
6Give it a truly dreadful title
Choice elementsNo connection to ongoing conversationNo sense of what is newJargonPuns
Stop people even reading the abstract!
= “A dull and irrelevant waste of time”
7Match your title with an equally poor abstract
Poor abstracts fail to:
LOCATE paper in bigger pictureGive a clear, specific FOCUS for studyREPORT what was done and foundARGUE what is new, and why we should care(Kamler & Thomson 2006 Helping doctoral students write, London: Routledge)
“Tiny texts” are hard but worth the effort
Leave readers with no sense of where the paper is going
8Hide your arguments in waffle
Wafflers successfully avoidStarting para’s by announcing key ideaReminding readers of key pointsBeing explicit: “What is new here is…”Did I mention reinforcement?
Your readers need it S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G O-U-T for them
Argument & contribution under here somewhere
9Make no worthwhile argument at all
BORRRRR-ING!Fear of over-claiming leads to too much cautionTime taken to read your ‘nothing’ paper is time your readers can never get back
Therefore it can be seen that to a certain extent the statement is true
Not only will readers FORGET your paper, they’ll be really ANNOYED with you too!
10Over claim
Unsubstantiated conclusions & rampant
speculation
A paper isn’t worth its salt unless youChange the face of health servicesUndo all the wrongs of historyFind a cure for cancerEliminate all global injustice
“I humbly accept the Nobel Prize for my contribution to … based on one journal paper”
Thanksnickhop.wordpress.com
@NHopUTS