the holiday season: ups and downs
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The Holiday Season: Ups and Downs. Kate Moore. Ups and Downs – the Story of Life Are they more so during Times of change? Loss? Celebration? What about at Christmas? Over the summer holidays?. What is the Holiday Season for you?. Christ’s Birthday A celebration - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
The Holiday Season: Ups and Downs
Kate Moore
Ups and Downs – the Story of Life
Are they more so during • Times of change?• Loss?• Celebration?
What about at Christmas? Over the summer holidays?
What is the Holiday Season for you?
• Christ’s Birthday
• A celebration
• A time of rest and catch up
• An economic bonanza for the shops
• A time for families and friends
• A time to get away – to catch up/
What is the Holiday Season for you?
• A lonely and/or expensive time
• A time of stress
• Brings back sad memories
• What is it for you?
What is the Holiday Season for you?
• Perhaps it’s a time for helping others
• Being a volunteer / supporter
• OR
• Perhaps you need support?
Why is it like this?• History – always been like this?
» OK Not OK
Why NOT?
Only YOU can answer this
Why is it like this?
• Circumstances changed?
» OK Not OK
Why NOT?
Control? / Challenge? / Communication ?
For you – Not OK
Having identified why NOT?
Accommodate or Change?
How? To what? Stressor
So, I don’t like the change….
What DO I want
• Change – always difficult– Requires clear goal– Communication of that goal– Appropriate implementation of the goal– Preparedness to hang in there– Respect for self and others
• In setting goals and• during the process Stressful or Challenge
The Two Faces of Stress - Not always negative (Yerkes & Dobson, 1904; Wood et al., 1998)
Constructive stress (eustress)– stress that acts in a positive way for the individual,
family and/or organisation– Low to moderate levels of stress act in a constructive or
energising way
Destructive stress (distress)– stress that acts in a dysfunctional way for the individual,
family and/or the organisation
Which will it be for you?
Cognitions, Coping & Control• It is NOT the event but how we THINK
about it that causes us the problem
• Identify your thoughts
• Challenge these
• Change them!!!!!
Costs of Bad Cognitions Depression Anxiety and Stress• Physical factors
– Increased risk of CVD• Raised BP, CHD, stroke
– Unhealthy feelings - aches, pains, upset stomach– Restlessness, inability to concentrate, sleeplessness– Increased risk of accidents
Costs of Bad Stress (cont’d)
• Psychological factors– Tense, uptight, feelings of nervousness, irritability– Loss of motivation– Burnout
• emotional exhaustion, depersonalisation, lowered personal accomplishment
– Depression, anxiety– Pre-existing psychological disorders exacerbated– Any others?
Costs of Bad Stress (cont’d)
• Behavioural factors– Change in eating habits– Increase of risky behaviours (e.g., alcohol,
smoking, drug taking)– Increases in workplace conflict (e.g., aggression,
harassment)
Impact of Bad Stress• Physical and mental health
•anxiety/sleep/appetite/CHD/ulcers•concentration/ruminations•angry/cranky/irritable•cynicism
• Cognitions•castrophizing•black & white thinking
• Relationships•communication problems•aggression•lack of engagement
• Job/course satisfaction & performance• Absenteeism & loss of productivity• Drop out/Quit/Withdraw• and you ………………………………………..?
What am I doing about it? Identify the stressor
Decide why it is a stressor for me
Change my way of thinking about it
Ask the other person(s) to
change their approach
change the system
work with me to finish / alter the problem
Remain focused on the issue NOT the person
Ask: Is this issue worth the cost to me/others
Yes - see it as a challenge/goal not a demand or stressor
Ideas around Christmas shopping
1) plan and shop with a list2) try making gifts/food3) set a limit on the cost of presents and meals4) leave your credit card at home when browsing for
presents5) pool cost of presents / meals by one person : one
present and bring a plate6) watch last minute spending
Ideas before Christmas Day
1) try to have a rest day before Christmas
2) reduce your expectations about a "perfect " Christmas day
3) organise parenting issues for the day well before so children OK
4) try and sort out relationship issues before Christmas Day
5) be flexible re changes to previous years' arrangements to suit family and friends
6) be aware of issues which might arise – try to anticipate/handle
Ideas for Christmas Day1) share responsibility for the meal with all family not just the
women2) watch alcohol intake - sometimes regret what was said 3) do not bring up previous quarrels4) do not be too hard on yourself if everyone does not behaviour
how you hoped.5) a cold lunch may reduce the stressors of cooking - family can
come at various times6) have your meal in the evening so f&f can visit others during
the day7) try and work out some positive thing about Aunt Maud rather
than focus on the negative8) visit someone who may be lonely or ask them to a meal9) think about the real meaning of Christmas for you
In general• Remember some things are not worth making a fuss about
• Avoid digging up the past • Christmas may not be the best time to confront or expose
problems
• Be assertive about what you want, but not aggressive
• Plan activities - make sure you feel OK about this - If you feel you have been dragged along you are more likely to be resentful
• Christmas is a time to look for the best in family and friends - Look and speak to the very best in them
Appraisal
Avoidance
Challenge
Resources
ManagingDemands
Coping
Benefits of Good Management (Good Stress)
• Improved mood• Better health• Good social networks• Improved sense of control• Knowing my priorities• Happier, more relaxed• Nicer person to be with!!• Fun!!!• Striving – having goals – and Happier Holidays
General Tips that I can do today? Confront a long-overdue job
Ask for help - offer my help
Accept support from others
Examine demands upon you - Say Yes : Say NO
Be decisive
Count the positives not the negatives
Take time out - meaningful leisure
Think positively but realistically
Eat well, relax, exercise sleep enough, smoke & drink less
Change my way of thinking - evaluate importance
Remain focused on the issue NOT the person
:)
Hug a friend
Positive approachPositive approach
- dealing with the problem
the Hardy personality?Mastery over stressUsing stressors (not stress) to achieve
What about the 6 C’s to equal the 7th CControlChallengeCommitment taking
CHARGECognitionsCommitment Choice
Know your strengths
Recognize your limitations
BUT ALSO
Recognize that these are OK Utilize your strengths
I dentif y your stressorsAsk: Why are they stressful f or me?
What can I do about it?Ask others f or advice?Listen to the advice?
Ask yourself why the advice is not sound?
LLLeeeaaarrrnnn fffrrrooommm pppaaasssttt eeexxxpppeeerrriiieeennnccceee (((ssseeelllfff///ooottthhheeerrrsss)))
It’s up to me!
I can change my thoughts, behaviour, actions
Communicate - with myself
- with family and others- with the organisation
Campaign to change the problemrather than complain about the problem
Choose to change not avoid
I can Well! Most of the time anyway
Let’s all take up the Challenge
Appraise what we currently do / do not do
Use our resources - AND – share
Stop Avoiding
We are responsible for ourselves(and our Christmas/Holidays)
It’s about….
Balance ……….in your lifein your negotiationscompromise
Selfish Vs Unselfish – in self and others
Thank you for listening
Just remember – Santa relieves his stress by an
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Laughter really is good
Happy Holidays
and Good Health