the drink tank issue 102
TRANSCRIPT
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Subterranean Air Defense
Blues
by
Christopher J. Garcia
There are times when we who
toil in the world of Microsoft Ofce andcubicle walls when we feel like wevebeen staring at the same blips on the
same screens for days on end.Were weak in the knees bythe end of the day due to lackof circulation, having onlystood when walking to ourLean Cuisine lunches at thecommunal microwave.
But weve got it easy.In the 1950s, there was
a fear that gripped us almostas bad as the terror we feeltoday of terrorists. We calledit Communism in general, theUSSR in specic and the ColdWar in total. The US, at thatpoint far and away the leader
in computer science, neededa way to defend our air space.
The Air Force knew that aRussian bomber with a largeenough bomb could come and y overthe pole, drop the bomb on New YorkCity or Washington. They wanted anAir Defense network that would be ableto deal with just such issues, so theydid what every administration does
when they need science: they called
MIT. MIT had a machine called Whirl-wind, a design which they then adapt-ed to make SAGE, the Semi-AutomaticGround Environment.
SAGE was the largest computerever build. There were 2 CPUs, one al-
ways on warm stand-by. Each system
had 50k vacuum tubes.Thats right, our entire air de-
fense was run on the same things that
power really good guitar amps.The computers took up huge
bloc houses which required emenseamounts of power and often had morethan 100k sqft of room. These places
were lit with a blue light that allowedthe screens to glow most obvviously.
But no matter how advanced acomputer system is, it still requireshumans to operate it, and SAGE re-quired some pretty tough people. Theshifts were 8 hours at a stretch, requir-ing people to sit at large screens thatpulsed in layers. The rst layer being
a geographic outline, the second be-ing tracked objects, mostly planes inair trafc, and the last being details on
those objects. If the objectwas unidentied, they couldselect the object using a lightgun and the Weapons Direc-tor could have it blown out ofthe sky.
That was the businessthey were in, combining thestress of Air Trafc Control-lers with the worst of light-ing conditions. Headaches
were universal and expected.At least the computer had abuilt-in cigarette lighter andash trays so that the airmenassigned could smoke while
they were working.There were 27 SAGEs
built and networked. OFthe 27 sites, one, North Bay
Ontario (which is the one we have inthe museum) lasted until 1983. Thestrange thing is that by 1960, whenthe system was 100% complete, theRussians had developed the ICBM,
which couldnt be tracked by SAGE.
Best laid plans...
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ITS ALL IN THE GAME, OR:
THE CONTINUING SAGA OFGUIDOLON THE GIANT SPACE
CHICKEN vs. POWER-BROKER &
THE MONEY-GO-ROUND
I havent written about my Guidolonthe Giant Space Chicken lm project,and the ongoing attempt to sell it,since Issue 87, so heres an update.
We start with the story of myfriend attending a lm festival - whichshall remain unnamed - down in LosAngeles this summer.
On the Friday night of the festival,expectations were high among thelmmakers. They had traveled fromafar - even Greece and Russia, andtwo had returned from central Asiato screen their documentary about
a fraudulent election there. The
entry fee for this festival wasexorbitant, but it seemed
worth it, because this wasLos Angeles, City of Dreams.
The point of these gatheringsisnt just to try your workbefore an audience that isnt
biased friends. The point isto meet the shadowy power-brokers, the secret mastersof moviedom who hold tightthe knotted purse-strings andguard the sacred word YES.And here, just minutes awayfrom their hidden fortresses,
this theatre should be crawling with
these yes-men, right?The rst troubling sign was whenthe festival organizers kept asking mypal if shed brought her friends to herscreening. Odd. If she wanted to showit to her friends, she could have usedher living room. Not spent hundredsof dollars to attend, plus airfare, plushotel.
Yet she remained eager, lean and
hungry. Like that Shawn Mullinssong:
Everyone heres got a plan. Itskind of like Nashville with a tan.
When she sat down in theauditorium for her showing, a chill
went up and down her spine as afestival lackey walked to the front.She shared her timeslot with a coupleshorts, but there were only a dozenpeople in the room. As the lackey
introduced the lms and asked thedirectors to say something, it becameclear that everyone there was almmaker. There were no power-brokers. There was no audience.
Everyone thought one word, but noone said it.
Scam.
Perhaps the lm festival circuit islike a mob racket.
At this particular festival, awardswere given. This is not unusual,except that the awards numberedover 50. 50! The program listed justover a hundred lms. Was everyother documentary or short or featureso deserving? My friend thought it
was bogus - the number of awardsdiluted their value. Nonetheless,she trumpeted her award on herhomepage.
I see unhappy parallels between themovie industry and the science ctionpublishing biz.
Consider Locus, which declares
itself the magazine of the sciencection and fantasy (publishing) eld.One publisher - whos worked thiseld for 20 years - always buys ahalf-page ad in Locus for every newbook. Those ads, he suspects, havenever spurred a single purchase, buthis authors feel like hes not pushingtheir books if they dont get the ad. Idont know anyone who subscribes to
Locus who isnt a writer or wannabe,
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likely checking to see if theyvebeen mentioned, photographed orreviewed.
Are we becoming a worldof would-be writers without anyreaders? Mark R. Kelly, editor oflocusmag.com, the online parallel
of the print version, said in his1/10/06 blog entry, SometimesI wonder if there arent moreaspiring writers out there, intenton publishing their stories andnovels by whatever means (evenvia self-publishing), than thereare readers.
Returning to the movie biz,check out withoutabox.com. This
is an online guide to lm festivals. Doyou know how many festivals havedeadlines between now and the end ofthe year? 130. One hundred thirty.Forty a month. And lining up indroves are kids whove made moviesin their basements or folks like me
who went deep into credit-card debtto service their dreams. My animator
BenniiD told me of one lmmaker whosent his work to 200 lm festivals.200! Can all of these festivals possiblybe worthwhile and career-enhancing?How many are just scamming thedreamy-eyed would-be Fellinis?
A staggering, unbelievable numberof stories get written and moviesget made every year. And thats thecompetition.
In the publishing biz, Mark Kelly
counted 1,300 sci-/fantasy genrestories published in 2000. And heprobably missed some. The website
The Black Hole www.critters.org/blackholes/ compiles data-points from
writers who report submissions andsales to various magazines. Thus wecalculate that Analog magazine buysone story out of every 143 submitted.
Heres more data:
Analog (submissions/acceptances:143.0)
Magazine of Fantasy and ScienceFiction (87.4)
Asimovs (38.0)Strange Horizons (29.1)Realms of Fantasy (21.0)Interzone (17.0)
Neo-Opsis (10.6)
Clearly, most magazinesarent as picky as Analog,so Ill guesstimate two dozenstories submitted for eachpublished. (Remembering thatsome woeful stories are like theWandering Jew, journeying from
magazine to magazine, nevernding a home.)
This guess yields about31,000 genre stories submittedto magazines every year. Plushundreds of thousands that sitin drawers, never submitted.
Our esteemed editor,Christopher J. Garcia, tells
me that a thousand short lms aresubmitted to the Cinequest lm festivalin San Jose every year, with 100accepted. In contrast, the Torontofestival gets 7000 subs. Not everylm made is submitted, so Chris isguessing ten to twenty thousand shortlms are made every year, not countingstudent work. Thats your competition.
To say nothing of YouTube,which Wikipedia - the source of allknowledge, ahem - notes receives65,000 submissions. A day. Most ofthese are guys getting hit in the nuts
with soccerballs, but many are seriousefforts. Thats your competition, too.
So if you write a story, yourestruggling to get noticed in a sea of31,000 other stories. Or to get your
little lm some attention, amid the tensand tens of thousands.
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As Solomon said three millenniaago, Of the making of books, there isno end. (Ecclesiastes 12:12)
You can see why people want todo lm festivals, and they hope theawards there will oat them above themasses.
And in their desperation to make itbig, theyve become vulnerable to scamartists.
But still, if you want your storypublished, you need to print it out on8.5 x 11 white paper, double-spaced
with correct margins, shove theprecious pages into an envelope andtoss them upon the unforgiving rocksof some editors desk. (Or, for a few,theyll take email.) Writing your worksin vapor trails across the sky wont sell
your story. Nor will carving it in stonetablets. You have to mail it (snail or e)and then do the hardest thing in the
world: wait.I suppose there are other ways to
meet the Hollywood power-brokers. Ifyou dont want to go the lm festival
route, you can nd yourself an agent(I met a bunch) who will happily takea couple thousand dollars from youto put you and a power-broker inthe same room. Or you can do theroundabout route by getting your ideapublished in the form of a hit novel,but then you have to deal with THATOTHER industry. (And, if you want,there are plenty of people who will take
your money to edit your book before
had a job right
now. But after 9years of struggle,9 years of meetingeditors andpublishers andendless nights ofpainting, I haveover a hundredpublications andtwo Hugo Awards.
Not bad.Of course Im
exhausted andjaded and burntout.
But, hey, youhave to play thegame - and playhard - if you wantto win.
you send it to an agent.)And yet somehow its possible to
succeed.I did it. At least with art.It took years of endless nights of
heart-breaking toil and sweat. When Irst submitted my art to conventions
in 1998, I suffered through con aftercon where I didnt sell anything. I was
wracked with self-doubts and self-recriminations. Then, after sales andpublishing credits started building up,the recession hit. Would-be patronafter patron told me at art shows, Ilove your stuff, and Id buy some if I
So, more specically, how is TheSelling of Guidolon going?
Were still shopping it around. Nosales yet.
But were still doing the lmfestival/mob racket circuit, in additionto a couple other venues:
- The Licensing International Showin New York in June. There I met ananimation developer who watched the
whole thing and laughed from one endto the other, and then said, Ill have toask my partners. After the show, I gota call from another guy who later said,
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I thought it had great potential, butmy director didnt like it.
- Conestoga Science FictionConvention and Film Festival in Tulsain July. There we won two awards,Best Animation and Best in Show. Thelatter was an award theyd never given
out in the history of the lm festival,and they basically created just for us.
- KTEH, the local PBS station inSan Jose in August. It was half-timeentertainment as part of Mr. Lobo (withhis skits and studio antics) showingThe Day of the Trifds as part of theannual pledge drive. Chris Garcia(voice of Guidolon) and I even got tobriey appear on TV.
- Worldcon (the World ScienceFiction Convention) in Anaheim inAugust.There I met another TV developer
who said he liked it, but would have toask his partners about it. Never heardback from him.
- Los Angeles InternationalIndependent Film Festival this month.
There we won a Grand Jury Prize forBest Animation - wahoo!- In November, we show it at the
New York International IndependentFilm Festival. Wish us luck!
Im also doing some small edits andadditional animation to beef it up hereand there.
Ive learned a lot from my lm
festival experience and talking to
power-brokers. Frinstance, no onesays Ill have my people talk to yourpeople or Lets do lunch sometime.No, the deceptively pleasant phrase du
jour is: I love it, but Ill have to talk tomy partners about it.What does this mean? Maybe it meansexactly what it seems to. Or maybethey hate it, but wont admit that. Orthat the guy who pulls the trigger on
deals is gun-shy. Who knows?Another thing Ive learned is that,
yes, I can say no to the evil, evil peoplearound me.As I detailed in issue 87, after the
Licensing show we were approachedby some unsavory folks who wantedus to animate an evil chicken. Theygave us bad vibes. So, even thoughthey seemed to have money, we turnedthem down. Whew. Glad to be strongenough to say no to bad money.
This was a relief, because I recentlysaw Hollywoodland. That movie
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scared the jeepers out of me. Everyonein that movie is in the lm biz, andall of them are corrupt - everyones inan unstable or unhealthy relationshipAND has a little something on the side.
They all are letting money pluck theirhearts from their chests. And theyre
doing what I want to do - make moviesand TV shows.
I once thought that the closestthing to Hell on Earth was the San
Jose Family Courthouse. Thereshattered people shufe like zombiesthrough the catacombs of the legalsystem, dealing with divorce, trying toget their kids back, trying to prove thatthey are the father or that they didnthit anyone. Horric.
But nothing compares to thehollow, empty eyes of the fat, bald,middle-aged men in Hollywood wholong ago traded Love for one grab atthe pot of Gold or the little Gold statue.
They dropped a girls hand to grasp forsomething else and came up empty.Or perhaps... not empty, perhaps a
screenplay or two, or minor work onsome movie that was never nishedor never released, or went straightto video. Something less than theirdream.Was it worth it?
I dunno.I am thankful that Ive been able to
make a couple trips to Hollywood and
have several encounters with power-
brokers and I have escaped to tell you.Of course, I havent gotten that big
dumptruck full of money, either.I still have Guidolon and I am still
pushing it. Well see - cautiously -what happens.
If nothing else, as Lori Ann White
says, I have a cool little movie that Imade that I can be really proud of,and no one can take that away fromme. And I lived my life without fearingto take risks. As Guido says in thelm, In this life, we have a choiceof nightmares. One nightmare is tomake a movie. The other nightmareis to NOT make a movie. I chose themaking-the-movie nightmare, and soI can live without regret. And THATALONE is worth the price of admission.
Meanwhile, I have another idea.Get this: Instead of Giant Monsters
Making Movies, we have:Dinosaurs Playing Guitar. Like the
Monkees, but T-rexs, instead.Aging dinosaurs playing fossil records
- get it? I think early next year Illstart production for a short, 3-minmusic video of dinosaurs playing andsmashing guitars. Itd be a great ideafor a TV show. Or a clip on YouTube.
Or lm festivals.There are always some coming up
in Los Angles. City of Dreams.
Ive tried my hand at
filmmaking, even briefly workedfor a porn film company filing
releases (alas, I was never on
set), but watching Frank try and
make the dream makes me realise
exactly how much I dont want
to go that direction. Its not
that its scary, its that its
tedious, expensive and at times
soul-sucking. Im just not the
kind of guy who could handle
that. Rejection: no problem, Im
all for it, but the wait and
well call you attitude hurts.
Even worse is that even
if they know they wanna do it
immediately, theyll hold back.
Look too eager, even if moneys
already changed hands, and the
supplier has the power. Its arough world.
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If Only She Could Cook
As Well As Honeywell Can
Compute
by Christopher J. Garcia
There are bad ideas everywhere.
today, when computers are plentifuland small enough to t into every nook
and most fo the crannies in a home.But what about the 1960s? How
I tend to have seventeen oreighteen of them a day, mostly
while Im writing in my LiveJournalor thinking about articles for TheDrink Tank. Its a rough road tohave these awful ideas and nothave the dough to unleash them onthe world.
Sometimes, bad ideas areactually just bad solutions to real
problems or, even worse, badsolutions to things which arentactually problems. One such thingis the problem of recipe storage.Its obvious that the world will endif people keep holding on to those3 by 5 cards in little boxes or, even
worse, shoved between the pages ofcookbooks. There has to be a better
way to maintain these preciousrecipes and not have them on thosedamned cards!
The solution, of course, isputting them on a computer inan easy to read font on a wirednetwork that can be accessed atany time. Thats the solution for
were we to eliminate these despisedcards in an era when computersmeant IBM mainframes that rentedfor thousands of dollars a month and
were programmed with punched cardsand paper tapes that might stretch for
miles?Honeywell solved the problem
with the help of Neiman-Marcus. In1966, Honeywell started selling a
computer called the Honeywell 316.The series was smaller than many,had enugh speed to satisfy their clientbase, and enough exibility to do real
work in various areas.Including holding recipes.Someone at Needless-Markup
So, even though I am swimmingin a sea of bad ideas, none of mine are
as bad as the Kitchen Computer.
must have seen the computer andthought that the front portionlooked like a cutting board. In the1969 catalog, they offered it for salefor 10,600 bucks. The median pricefor a home in the Santa Clara Valleyat the time was 10,750. GO gure.
What could it do? Well, ifyou knew how to use the panelswitches and lights, you couldenter in the ASCII code for thevarious characters and enter yourrecipes. You didnt get any I/Oother than the panel switches andlights, but you did get a free 2
week programming course withyour purchase. There was anotherpossible use, as the ad so sexistlynoted: and if she pales at reconning
her lunch tab, she can programmeit to balance the family checkbook.Theres no evidence that they
sold any through N-M. They orderedsix from Honeywell and returnedthree. When the Museum contactedthem, they didnt even know theyddone it.
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Whats interesting about
Bono is that hes so
legitimately loved despite
spending much of the 1980s
as a Colin Farel prototype.When Yvonne and I were
driving around LA the two days beforeWorldcon started, we were oftenamazed by the fact the city seemsto go on forever. Toronto is a city ofabout three million, and the Greater
Toronto Area, informally Toronto andall the communities surrounding it,comprises about 6 million. Yet, LA
just kept going and going and going,much like a certain toy rabbit. Wed
never have been able to get aroundif it handt been for good road mapsand Mapquest, showing us whathighways and roads to take to get to
where we wanted to go and our hotel inAnaheim.
I think LA is one of the
largest cities in the US
by area (Sitka, Alaska and
Jacksonville, Florida arelarger). Its amazing to
think that the number of
people that live between
Valencia in the North to
Anaheim in the South is
roughly the same as the
total number of Eurpoeans
around the year 1300.Ken Patterson should know that
only odd articles go into The DrinkTank. Where does Chris nd the timeto write all this? Few people knowthat he is the next incarnation of theDoctor, and that many of the issueshe produced in (our year) 2005 wereactually written while he was observingthe Boer War and the Second MartianRevolution of 2218. Timewise, he getsaround. Chris says hes in his 30s, but
with all his traveling, he must be in histhird century. And he doesnt look aday over 160Happy Birthday, by the
way, you old codger!
There is a theory that
Im part of a time-travel
conspiracy, that 10 years
from now Im Jay Lake and
fifty years from now ImArt Widner.
Spent last weekend in Montrealat the local SF conventionwhere did
you go for good drink? While we werein Montreal, we stayed at the DaysInn on rue Guy, and the best place forgood sports TV and excellent burgersnearby is La Cage aux Sports at 1437
Rene-Levesque ouest.I am a giant supporter
of Anticipation and Ive
been wanting to make it
out to one of the smaller
cons there, though money
and...gulp...flying stand
in the way. I shouldnt be
afeart of flying so much,Ill be going to CorFlu and
NASFiC by plane, and if I
win TAFF, well, lets just
say I aint gonna take a
boat.Hey, theres that article of mine.
Number 13, hmm? Good thing Im notsuperstitious, crossing my ngers for
good luckmight be boring reading,but its all true. I got to sample whatboth lit fandom and media fandomhad to offer, and as they changed, andas my interests changed, lit fandom
was the best choice for me. I am notstarstruck, never have been, and muchof modern media fandom seems to beabout star worship. Not interested.
I thought it was a great
look at crossing-over.
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Id love more
articles from
ya, Lloyd. Gotta
represent T-Dot! Denvention 3is a denite no-go for
me. Some people I knoware angry with us fornot voting for the 2008site selection. Well, wehad decided that were
not going to any more Worldcons, forthey are exorbitant, and therefore we
would not vote. So, we didnt vote forChicago, true, but then we didnt votefor Columbus or Denver, either. Either
someone offers me a fabulous good-paying job, or I win the lottery. Thatmay be the only way we get to Denver.
Id offer you a job, but
alas, I have none to give.
Im exicted for Denver,
especially since Ill be
driving out there. If you
play the lottery, may I
suggest 04, 10, 16, 24,
29. 35 as numbers (from a
fortune cookie on my desk
that reads You May Soon
Change Your Line of Work)Rusty Hevelin is an easy man
to talk to, and I see him about oncea year at Mike Glicksohns home.
After hearing Bruce say he had amembership he couldnt use, and
hearing Rusty say he wished he couldgo, it was easy to get them together,and transfer memberships. Bruce gotsome money out of the deal, and Rustyattended an excellent Worldcon, easy
peasy. Mention of a wish to meet BobTucker saddens mesorry, Chris, thatjust wont happen. I was on one panelwith Bob, and that was at Chicon Vin 1991. It was called Neo-Fandom
Through the Ages, and included ToniWeisskopf, Khen Moore and LiseEisenberg.
Theres a lot of sandess
in me over the fact that Inever got to meet Bob.Baseball? The Cardinals and
the surprising Tigers in the WorldSeries. Any comments or predictions?How about the Tigers in 7? Thatshould put the fox in the henhouseright there
Im all about the Tigers
this year. St. Louis isnt
a bad team at all (unlike
the Dodgers),
but the Tigers
need it to bring
some light to
Detroit.They seek him here,
they seek him there,those Frenchies seekhimeverywhere. Ialways enjoyed reading
The Scarlet Pimpernel,or the Scarlet Pumpernickle, as fartoo many comedy teams had it. Whilemuch of good literature is driven bygood ideas, plots and situations, someof it also has memorable characters,
and the combination of the two canproduce memorable reading. Sequelsnever seem to do well, though, andI never did read any more of thePimpernel books.
Nor have I, but since I
read the article, Ive gone
out and bought a few.A shame you didnt get that TV
showIve been for several voiceworkauditions since last I wrote, and I gota call a few days ago saying that oneI did go for, I got. Huzzah! And nowto nd out more. I may be the kindlynarrator in a new childrens show theproducers may try to sell to one of thelocal stations that shows kids shows,like Treehouse Television. Ill let youknow what happens as soon as I gure
it out myself.
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Id love to hear Lloyd
Penney as the voice of
something awesome! Maybe
the voice of Chrysler?Hey, John, am I impressed that
Chris got to 100 issues in 91 weeks?
Nah, hes just nuts, thats all. And, hesgot either the worlds dumbest or theworlds most forgiving boss. Chris, doesyour boss know anything about allthis?
Im not nuts...Ive simply
got too much time on my
hands.I am sure that writing about
difcult stages in your lives, M andSaBean and Judith, were cathartic.Can you maybe summarize how writingthose article have helped? Have theybrought you two closer together,or perhaps just allowed you tounderstand some decisions you made?(Hugs to you all, youve been so openin your writings, youre friends I justhavent met yet.) Santa Barbara should
be a house full of love and belonging.)I know one thing that I can
say for hte girls: theyve
both managed to get a lot
of the anger they have at
the world out. Ive held
on to a bunch of their
articles because theyre
a little...well, lets
just say that Im running
a clean and
slightly less
depressing
ship. I cant
wait til
theyre there
full-time!My locI
might have beenharsh in writingabout the movieindustry, but somany movies arebeing made, and Ireally dont wantto see about 95%of them. Another4%, I want to see,but never get to them. Hollywoods notmaking money offa me. There are lotsof movies being made here, but gettingCanadians to watch them is a toughsell. Perhaps the best movie madehere in a while is Bad Cop Bon Cop, abilingual (!) movie starring Colm Feore.
Its box ofce is the best a Canadianmovies ever had, I believe. Hey, Chris,got a 5.25 drive not doing anythingright now? I still cant access YouTube,even with software xes and severaldownloads.
I totally wanna see that
movie. I love Colm Feore.And after wiping the sweat
off my brow after reading Leigh AnnHildebrands letter (gulp), I shall try
my best to wind up the third pageof this loc. I know Ill be in trouble ifI ever run into her at a convention,and something tells me Ill be havingimpure thoughts, which, as we know,as the very best, and thats why Ill bein trouble. You said you were taking arestso much for that. Off this goesto you and my LJ, take the neededrest, and see you nextish. Yvonne saysHappy Birthday, too!
I am so glad Im immune to
all unpure thoughts. Why
do you think I run so many
pictures of lovely ladies?
They keep my mind from
wandering...Yours, Lloyd Penney.
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Of Course The Americans
Invented the Computer
by Christopher J. Garcia
Theres a question we getevery time a majour anniversary
comes up in the history ofcomputing.
What was the rstcomputer and who invented it?
Theres no good answer.There are a lot of answers thatsatisfy a select section of thequestion, but no good answerover-all. If you wanna be ighty,say Charles Babbage in the
1830s. He was working withideas that predicted the moderncomputer, but he never completedit and everything he did wasmechanical. You could say thatit was a large company likeAmerican Totalisator or a pioneerlike Vanevar Bush for the largemechanical devices they designed
in teh 1920s and 30s. You couldsay that it was the theories ofClaude Shannon, or the devicesof Konrad Zuse in Germany rightbefore and during the way. Thereare a lot of options but none of
them really t.In England, youll have two
kinds of answers. The rst is Colossusis the rst computer. Now, it was anelectronic device, but itd be a stretch
to call it a computer. It was used tocrack Geheimschreiber codes unsingcomparitors and paper tape. But itdidnt really compute. The second
will say it was the Manchester Baby,the rst machine to have a storedprogramme. That was in the late1940s, so it was close.
In the US, we know the answer:
ENIAC.ENIAC was built at the
Moore School in Philly by Eckert andMauchley. The machine itself was large
and used 15,000 vacuum tubes,but it wasnt a stored programmemachine. In fact, while it waseasily the fastest machine inthe world through about 1951(the UNIVAC was faster, and so
were a few research machines),it was the rst to give a lot ofthe rst generation of ComputerScientists hands-on experience.It did the number work for theHydrongen bomb among all
the other work, and in 1955, itwas struck by lightning. Sadly,Science Fiction movies have liedto us becasue it did not gainconciousness and become evil,it simply broke and went out ofuse.
The designers went on tofound UNIVAC and that startedanother wave of innovation:
commercial computing (whichthe Brits had already invented
with the LEO: Lyons ElectronicOfce). Still, ENIAC was the rstbecause...well, because we say itis!
Let us not forget thatthe Russians were also buildingcomputers, mostly led by Prof. Lebedevand his pals in the Monastary. They
werent far behind.
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Letter-Graded Mail
from Eric Mayer
Chris,I really wanted to LoC your
hundredth but I cower in the face ofsuch a faanish bounty. In another life I
tried to comment on every contributionto a zine. After all, wasnt I often acontributor, scanning the loccols fora scrap of praise (or even notice)? So I
would write ve page LoCs.A Drink Tank 100 would hit mymailbox and Id go loco loccing. Id becommenting on the page 42 llo whenthe next ish crashed down on me.And here Id thought it wouldnt be out
until real soon now. Great Ghu.Ive still got the jargon but lost mystamina. So now I just freeze, knowing
what has to be done, but no way to doit.Well, its my fault for putting
so much stuff out there. I
try to write my LoCs for folks
the first day I read it, but I
sometimes put it off a week. Nottoo often (though Ive had to
for Pixel this run) but what are
you gonna do?
What should I comment on?If I comment on this, then surely,in all fairness, I must comment onthat, because that was as good in itsown way as this. And what about theother thing, which was more thought
provoking than this or that, even if it
wasnt entirely my cup of tea?This is the kind of issue that
keeps me up at night. I never
know exactly what to commenton when Im reading a zine and
perhaps I miss the point of far
too many of the articles I read.
I felt vindicated when I read
reviews of the latest Chunga
that talked largely about Randy
Byers article. I had made that
the focus of much of my LoC. I
got it right for once! I often
worry about missing an obvioushighlight, and once in a while
its not my fault. One time, a
copy of Banana Wings that I got
had two pages stuck together.
And one time I sneezed, skipped
a couple of pages and had passed
over an LoC about wrestling.
These things happen...but mostly
only to me.
You see my problem? Perhaps I
should just send the whole zine to youas an attachment and say, I enjoyedthese bits. Or could I just say, not bad,but please more Harlan jokes nexttime.OK, Harlan Ellison walks into a
bar, the bartender says nothing,
just goes about his businesswiping glasses. Harlan jumps
up on a stool, and still the
bartender does nothing. Harlan
starts seething, as hes apt
to do, and then the bartender
springs out and tackles Harlan.
What the hell was that
for? Harlan asks.
How else was I supposed to
get you to give me your pot of
gold? answers the Bartender.
OK, that was stolen from a
friend of mine who told it about
another short friend of mine,
but it applies here as well.
I salute your energy andcreativity. You have been a breathof fresh air. A new perspective. You
are largely responsible for grabbingmy interest and making me loath toentirely abandon fandom again. Damn
you, Chris Garcia!BestEricAnd that is the spoken goal of
my conspiracy. The plot is to
keep you around for much longer
than you expected. And it seems
to be working!
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Everyones Gotta Start Somewhere
Ive talked to a lot of sciencection authors that I know haveused computers for a long time. RayFaraday Nelson started with the IBM1401 and used the IBM 1620 and still
remembers the start-up sequence.I already told folks about KarenAnderson using the UNIVAC I, whichalso happened to be the rst computerused by Dr. Asimov (he had numberrun on it at BU). Even Kurt Vonnegutused an early computer for some ofhis research (and to make a little extra
money).Jerry Pournelle used ont too.
It was the IBM 650. We had a paneltogether and started talking about howhe had worked on the beast and whatit could do. The 650 was a mystery tome, so I started asking around. A lot
more folks had worked on it than I hadthought.
IBM was in the beginning oftheir total take-over of the computerindustry. There was still UNIVAClording over the public conciousness,but mostly IBM was taking the bigsteps forward towards conquering
everything. The IBM 650 was,like many machines of that era, avacuum tube machine that usedDrum Memory. Since it was deliveredin 1954, there were no disk drives
yet, but they started selling the 650RAMAC with the huge disk drive in the
late 1950s.The 650 doesnt get the praise
it deserves. There were 2000 of themmade, a huge number for the early1950s, and a lot of folks got theirhands on their rst computer with the650. I wish we had one at the museum,but theres one in Germany that runs!
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Grant Kruger was kind enough to
send this my way after running
it on his LJ. ITs a fun little
article about the Evil SMoFish
Conspiracy. You can comment at
http://thirdworld.livejournal.
com/124661.html ifn youre so
inclined.
For those in fandom. An articlethat should be on Snopes:
Claim: SMOFS are a secret societydedicated to ruling the nerd world.
Status: Wake up and smell the coffee!False, you old sleepyhead.
Example: Variations exist everywhere.
1. There is this secret society ofcon runners that are makinga fortune running sciencection/fantasy conventions. Youdont want to cross them if youever want to get a book/storypublished, or have your TVseries succeed.
2. I deserved the Hugo, butthose lousy smofs nagled meout of it and gave it to one oftheir buddies in a secret vote!I happen to know I got moreHugo nominations than anyone,because, after all, I sent out atleast 300 of them myself!
3. I never was made a Worldcondivision head for my favoritedivision because those dastardly,evil, smofs conspired to shut meout of the whole committee andthe con itself. Its because they
knew Im so frigging brilliant thatId make them look bad -- I meanlook at how successfully I runour little local get-together at thePicayunne Coffee Corner!
4. I deserved to be president of theUS but those damned smofsconspired to create the wholebloody dimpled chad scenario!
5. SMOFS planned and executed9-11 and then planted fakeevidence to implicate oSammy& the boys, as part of a plot todistract regular folks from theirattempt to take over the sciencection world, and therefore thefuture.
Origins: SMOF = Secret Masters Of
Fandom.
The term Smof was inventedby the author Jack Chalker. Late atnight, while socializing in the consuite at a convention, he noticed thatthe ice buckets were somehow always
full, though he never saw anyone rellthem. He proclaimed that those whokept these buckets full were the secretmasters of fandom. From this came theterm SMOF(Also Smof or smof), whichlater came to mean many things, butbasically all con runners and clubrunners (the people who magicallymake fandom happen). The secretparthas no signicance other than that.
Those who see their being a Smof asbeing part of some sort of superiorclique/race have generally beenlobotomized... repeatedly... oh, did Isay that out loud?
Remember now boys and girls,no true secret group /society /cabal/election-fraud-team would ever usethe word secret in their name. Plus
they would be far better organizedto boot. I mean some of these smofsarent even talking to each other, nevermind plotting together. And those whoare talking (most of them to be honest)barely know many of each other, andare way too overloaded making yourconventions happen for next to no cost(yes, there are no labor costs becausethese smofs are all volunteers and
none of them ever make any money out
Photo: John OHalloran - [email protected]
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of the deal. Those making money arecalled (no silly, not some other secretorganization)companies!)
And the truth is there arethousands of smofs around the worldand most of them know no more thana few dozen of the rest of the smofs.
There is no central leadership, andwoe betide anyone who tried to createsuch a leadership, for they would beso roundly ignored and disparaged tosuch an extent that they would fadeinto nothing, crying, Im melting, Immelting!
These are tales as old as time.People too readily believe in secretcabals and conspiracies. Others,feeling slighted in some way, or lled
with the staggering emptiness oftheir own inadequacies, will makeup any story in order to cover theirown failures. Others really have beenslighted, but it was likely personal,possibly necessary, but not aconspiracy.
Is there politics in fandom/
smofdom? You betcha. As much asanywhere maybe. Some places fandomis more political than government. Sodo people ever get screwed over by conrunners? Of course. Its called humanfrigging nature! People are just likethat. Yes, yes, we all know that one daythe aliens/angels will come down andenlighten us, but in the meantime, justaccept the fact that people just plain
suck a lot of the time. We get political;
we stab our friends in the back; westab our friends in the front; worst ofall: we encourage our friends to runWorldcons (shriek!). Dont imagine a
frigging conspiracy just because somedumbass will not let you on their team.Oh, and these guys are
volunteers. They give of their timefreely. For no expectation of rewardbeyond a simple, Thank you. Giversin a world of takers. A rare and dyingbreed. This means your odds of havingnicer than average people go wayup. Which in turn means less of the
kinds of nonsense one usually nds in
volunteer groups.And nally, they have no real
power whatsoever, unless you considerbeing powerful as spending muchof your spare time and spare cashrunning conventions for others, justso that conspiracy boneheads can say
that you are making millions beingmean to people. Oh, some of them getto pick guests and the like -- woohoo,CIA eat your heart out!
Additional points:
Worldcons can be run by anyonewho runs a good bid. You canwin even if all the smofs there
vote against you. Elections arevery free and fair.
The Hugo Awards are open toanyone who attends or supportsthat Worldcon... yes, any ofthem can vote -- all 4.5 to 8.5thousand of them. Many smofsdont even vote, nevermindcontrol the process. Elections are
very free and fair. If you cheat in these ballots, your
votes dont count. Sooowwwy.
Each convention runs their staffthe way they want to. Nobodyis entitled to any position,no matter what. But guess
what, very few conventionsare overstaffed. Make yourselfavailable and the chances are
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they willuse you... unlessyoure a known pain in the buttof course (some few politicalexceptions do exist, sadly).
Smofs were notresponsible for 9-11, Bush stealing the elections,
your not being able to takehomebrew onto an airplane, orany other of Bushs cock-upsfor that matter. And the onlymistakes regarding Gore thatcan be tied to smofs are some ofthe horror movies on the videotrack.
Smofs dont run the world, or
the TV studios, or the publishinghouses. Oh sure, some smofshave jobs in these industries,but they are a tiny minority andthey are not going to go along
with any corruption, even if anyexisted, because todays winneris tomorrows outbid loser.
Again: smofs make no money
off this malarkey. In point offact most of them spend some,or a lot, of their own moneyto make conventions happen.Why? Because they are stupidbrain-damaged morons withouta clue? No... well maybe, butthats besides the point. Becausethis is their hobby. Becausethey like running conventions.
Because they like being a part
of it. Because they like honoringwriters, artists, etc. Becausethey want to have a goodtime. Because many of themare alcoholics... no, wait, thatshould be, many of them drinkenough at cons to appear to
be alcoholics, but they usuallyhold down quite respectable jobsoutside of conventions (yes, theyhave to have jobs to support thishabit... no silly, the con-runninghabit, not the alcoholismdrinking).
Aw come on! No really! Whats the
true status?: If you still believe smofsare a nefarious secret society, wellthen you probably need more therapythan any secret cabal of psychologists/psychiatrists can give you... oh wait, I
wasnt supposed to mention them.
Thank you and goodnight!
The View From Higher Up
This was originally a project
the museum wanted to do that got
abandoned. Its a shame because
I got some great words from
folks like Will McCarthy, Sheila
Finich, Sean McMullen, HowardHendrix, David Brin and more.
Ive printed a few of them, but
heres one that I dont think
made it it.
Computers have transformedmodern art, from the writing of novelsto the creation of motion pictures. Theprecise mathematical control of pixels
on a screen or in a printer has hadamazing consequences already, andthe revolution has only just begun.Science ction visions of virtual realityhave clunked along for the last decade,but soon could leap to commercialviability. And who knows how that
will inuence creative types? As well,the ability to visualize the workings
of abstract or unseen phenomenon--from mathematical equations to thestructure and function of proteins--allows us to more easily understandnature, and ourselves. I look forward
with keen anticipation to the nexttwenty years, which should be justas earthshaking as the last twenty--though very likely in different andhardly predictable ways.
Greg Bear- April 26th, 2004
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It All Started Very
Simply...with a Loom
I can remember people comingfor some of the rst tours I ever gaveat the museum. They were all inter-ested in the same things as the schoolkids who wrote in working on vari-ous papers. They all wanted to know
where it started. I handt formulated
the ideas that would makeup my current answers yet,but I didnt have to give ananswer one day. There wasa fellow, about 70 or so, onteh tour and he was veryquiet until one of the tour-
ists asked a simple ques-tion: Whered it all start.
I took them to theHollerith machine, the ma-chine that was used for the1890 Census. I was readyto give them an earful ofthe competition to developa faaster way of doing thecensus, about how Hollerith
was inspired by seeing aconductor punch little cards to indicateattributes of various travelers so thatthey could be kept track of. Before Icould launch into it, the old guy spokein a slightly Eastern European accent.
It was Joseph Marie Jacquardwho invented the Jacquard Loom in1801. He took designs from Basile
Bouchon, Jean Falcon and JacquesVaucanson and made them sim-
pler and more logical. His loom usedpunched cards to store patterns andthat inuenced a generation to usecards to store other kinds of data,including Mr. Hollerith who used it tostore information on each householdin America so that he speed up the
census. The Jacquard Loom conceptwas so ingenius that it is still the basicpremise for modern looms, though they
use electronics where Jacquard usedsteam or manpower.
There was a stunned silencefrom the other folks on the tour. Icouldnt have given that level of ad-vanced answer, not in my wildestdreams. Im not that smart.
Yeah, thats exactly right.The guy then went on more
about Jacquard and Hollerith, about
the early days of IBM and card punchaccounting. The audience, which in-cluded the tour guide in this case, was
just stunned. He mentioned thingslike the Card-Programmed Computer,an early attempt at a general purposecomputer done by IBM engineers that
IBM almost came down hard on butthen realised the power of what theyhad done. He told us about people like
Vanevar Bush and DH Lehmer.He even went into how me-chanical computers of Babbage
would have used the cards andwhat followers of Babbage didthe cards in the earlyBabbagetype machines. It was almosta Graduate level lecture from aguy who seemed to have givena lot of lectures.
Whered you learn allthat? I asked, hopign to hearthat he was the Great-great-grandson of Jacquard or aprofessor who had taught thisstuff since the 1950s.
I worked at Princetonas a graduate student in the1940s. I used to sit with John VonNeumann and he would tell me howthe cards worked.
Everyones jaw dropped. Asidefrom Edward Teller, Id never met any-one who knew Von Neumann, but thenhe dropped the bomb.
All those stories used to annoy
Einstein. He was tired of Johns storiesa long time before I was.
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Letter Graded Mail...Long
Over-Due
I bought Ed Green at a BAS-
FA auction. That means I
got to tell him to do one
thing and I had him writean LoC on The Minute Six-
ty: The One Hour Zine we
did at BayCon. Here is his
LoC...FINALLY!
Chris,Okay, Im supposed to write a
letter of comment for the zine that the
Fanzine in an Hour panel put out atthe 2006 Baycon.
Im supposed to do this becauseyou gave me this task during one of theinfrequent BASFS meetings that I wasable to attend. Apparently you all havesome heathen tradition of auctioningoff someone around their birthday,
with the intent of having him or herdo something. Although it is a fundraiser for BASFS, there are much moredignied ways of raising money. Lookat the LASFS.
Okay, perhaps using the worddignied was not the best choice. Butat least the LASFS methods of fundraising are more sensible.
Well, they make more sense onceyou understand the LASFS auction
systems (If you do understand theLASFS auction system, please send
me an e-mail. Ive been helping to runthem for the last 15 or so years and Illbe Ghod damned to Hell and Anaheim
if I understand them).Anyway, you won the right tohave me do something. And you,
you fanzine writin TAFF candidate,thought it would be clever to makeme *write* an LOC for the abovementioned zine.
Now, mind you, I had to write anLOC about time, and deadlines!
Deadlines? Fannish deadlines?
Boyo, Ive seen deadlines for
Cons vanish in a wish and a prayer.Id watched contract proposalsgathering dust in the depths of aone foot in box. Hell, Ive blown offdeadlines imposed by the Pentagon;
you really think that watching this oney by like a meth addict screaming
after their connection is going to botherme?
Apparently not, since this hastaken almost six months to get out.
Of course, like all good little fen,Ive got excuses.
I was running a major divisionfor the 2006 Worldcon (And let memention here that my departmentheads were, without exception, damn
ne people who did tremendous workin spite of having me as their boss).Lots of deadlines to be waved at asthey zip on by.
The business I work for is notonly in its busy season, but businessindustry wide is over 50% off andeveryone is scrambling for construction
work. Between the MMJ(1) and the
SI(2), things get loud, people runaround with their hair on re andtheres a lot of swearing. Oh, thedeadlines that get missed tryingto juggle things here. And this is
where they pay me to be the sunnypersonality I am.
Theres at least four seasonsof Buffy the Vampire Slayer that Ihavent caught up on. (Which is true.
I never really watched the show when
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it was rst on, and now Im watchingit by way of the uber-DVD collection.Damn, but its a fun show!) Oh andthat new Harry Turtledove novel is outand I just have to nish it.
And what the hell, I could startthis thing. Or I could deal with that
shambling stack of laundry that hasdecided that living in the clotheshamper isnt nearly roomy enough, andis currently looking on Craigs List for alarger apartment.
Then there are the new booksby Naomi Novik. The alternate history/ fantasy series where dragons arereal and the Napoleonic Wars arebusy being fought with them. Not
the typical elves and trolls fantasystuff, but a well thought out world.Great characters and very well done.Ive been thinking about getting aConvention ribbon
Oh, I guess Im supposed to saysomething about the zine itself.
Nice little zine you got there.How much for just the staples?
Oh, Im supposed to saysomething about the contents of thezine?
Actually, Im very impressed withit, more so considering it was producedunder such a deadline.
Randy Smiths story aboutfannish deadlines and the real world
was clearly the best thing in it. Noslight is meant to the other writers, but
Randy did an excellent job of showing
us how torn he was between the twoworlds we, as fans, have to stride attimes. It also speaks volumes aboutRandy that he understood where heneeded to be, and was willing to acceptthe consequences for that decision.If fandom ever gave out a Hugo for asingle work of fan writing in a given
year, Randys would have been one ofthe top ve contenders.
George and Vanessa VanWagners piece was falling on the oor
funny. But then, Ive grown to expectthat from the two of them. The rsttime I became aware of their senseof humor was at a LASFS meeting I
was running, when Vanessa made acomment from her seat about someDisney lms. I broke out laughing,something that didnt happen oftenenough when I was presiding over aLASFS meeting.
Writing well on a fast deadline
is always a tough thing to do. Youshould be very happy with the resultsof what you folks produced at Baycon.Not only was it well written, it was
worth the time spent reading it.And really, isnt time what it is
all about?
It is the belief of the writer of thisLoC that no deadlines were harmed inthe production of this letter. One ortwo might have been scared, but whatthe hell!(1) This is the nick name for theloud boss.(2) This is the nick name for thesneaky boss.
Ed Green
First off, Im so very
glad to see you finally appear
in print in one of the Garcia
Family of Fanzines. I gotta
agree, Randys stuff was so
great, not takign anything away
from Derek of The Van Wagners oreven myself. OK, maybe a little
away from myself.
As far as your tardiness,
you are forgiven because 1)
there was a WorldCon in-between
then and now and that must have
sucked you in like teh mob and
2) Ill hit you with the ruler
of fandom next time I see you.
Thanks, Ed!
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Alright, Ill Give You
That...but is it ART?
Do computers think?No, no they dont. Can com-puters feel? No, no they cant.Will computers create of their
own accord if given the op-portunity? No. These are allcriticisms that hit the com-puter world in the 1960s and70s, as if these facts them-selves proved that comput-ers were not useful tools tothe proper users. The biggestproblem Ive ever had withthe idea of The Singularity is
that theres no way that com-puters can mathematicallyrecreate the important func-tions of the human brain.Were not important because
we can weigh choices andmake appropriate changes,
were great because we canignore what is right and go
for what feels right. Theres amajour difference that Im fairly certaincomputers will never be able to takeup.
But can computers do art? Thiswas a question that I struggled with fora while before I came across the worksof a guy named Harold Cohen.
Harold Cohen was a traditionalmodern artist in the 1960s and early
70s. He had a show at the Tate Gallery
among other important locations. Inthe late 1960s, he met several compu-ter science-types, including Ed Feigen-baum. This led him to start thinkingabout how computers could be used inart.
The rst thing he did was learnC, the language of the future back inthe early 1970s. He also made contacts
with various labs, including SAIL, theStanford Articial Intelligence Lab.
That gave him access to notonly machines, but know-how with those machines.By 1073, he had a prototypesystem that he called AARON.
AARON would actuallycompose pictures and then,
using a drawing turtle itwas do outlines that Cohenwould then colour in. It cameup with some bizarre shapesand weird constructions, butoverall, it was good stuff.
As time went on, Ha-rold found new methods andtechniques that he was ableto programme into AARON.
The most signicant advancewas the table version whichcould also do all the colour-ing. This produced many im-pressive works, one of whichhangs at the Computer His-tory Museum.
AARON is semi-retired.We have the atbed version
and theres a turtle on displayat Stanford. Harold still does some ofthe computer art...or should I say aversion of AARON still does it. Thatsthe biggest question his art raises: isthe computer making the art or theman who programmes the computer
which does the arting. Its so difcultto tell.
Harolds a nice guy too. I met
him once. We taked about Eastercon.
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When I started thinking about
a computing issue, I instantly
thought of Arnie and he was
kind enough to send me this
great article.
The Urge
By Arnie Katzenjammer
I invented Fandom. The Immortal Storm, Up to Nowand All Our Yesterdaysmay sayotherwise, but I am unshakably sure ofmy claim.
Yes, really and truly, anddenitely not in the same sense thatAl Gore invented the Internet. So I say
again, and I declare emphatically, thatIO invented Fandom.
This will take a little explainingRoxanne and Bill Mills live close
enough to the Launch Pad, that weare able to overcome their innatereclusiveness and entice them over ona fairly regular basis.
In telling us about their day atthe Renaissance Faire and how itrekindled wonderful memories and asense that their time for immersion inthat subculture had passed. That, inturn, evoked memories of Joyce andme leaving the Fandom subculture in1976.
That led to my explaining that wehad eventually realized that we hadmade a colossal mistake by gaating.
You were never gaa, Roxanne
said earnestly. You were always afan.
I was about to disagree, becauseFandom seemed very remote to me formost of the 14 or so years I was gone.
When I considered it more carefully,though, I realized that she had a point.My fannish urges had not disappeared;I merely channeled them in a differentdirection.
Starting in 1978, I began writingabout video and computer games, acolumn in Videomagazine with co-author Bill Kunkel. That led to mebecoming editor-in-chief and associatepublisher of the worlds rst videoand computer game magazine inthe world, Electronic Games. Thatmagazine became a casualty of thevideo game crash of the mid-1980s,but Bill, Joyce and I continued to begaming journalists. I designed VideoGames & Computer Entertainmentandthen, around 1990, took the helm of a
revived Electronic Games.Like the old science ction
magazines, those electronic gamingmagazines generated lots of readerinteraction. I heard from a lot ofpeople, mostly teens, who yearnedto express their love of gaming andcluster with their own kind.
So I wrote a column that broached
the idea of gamers maybe doingsomething more than playing thegames and reading the magazine. Iexplained the idea of a fanzine asa means of personal expression. Ipromised to review fanzines sent to meso that they could get more readers.
Six months later, Id become theirRog Phillips. The reviews sparked aock of electronic gaming fanzines
and the reviews in the prozines builtreadership and lured still more fanzinepublishers.
With premeditation, I kept mydistance from EG Fandom. I was theprozines editor and fanzine reviewer,but I didnt mix in their discussions orparticipate in their fanzines. The lastthing electronic gaming fans needed
was a colossus in their midst.My reviewing style owed at leastas much to Mari Wolff, the egg oboo-splashing giantess in The EnchantedDuplicator, as to the proprietor ofAmazons Clubhouse. The electronicgaming fanzines couldnt hold a candleto the ones I recalled from my fanningdays in the 60s and 70s. It wassurprising that the gulf wasnt greater,
because just about all the eg faneds
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were in high school or even younger.I was a booster, not a knocker. I
took these fanzines on their own terms,praised the best aspects and tried tomake it sound like fun. My conscience
wouldnt let me suppress all criticalcomments; I always mentioned one
defect so that readers wouldnt haveunreasonably high expectations.
Most eg fanzine editorsunderstood my method, but I gotseveral whining letters from a few whocould not accept the slightest bit ofcriticism. They all took the same line:You dont know how hard it is to doa fanzine! In such cases, Id tell themabout my own fanzine publishing and
point out that every fanzine has roomfor improvement.
Those encounters, while mildlyunsettling, provoked mostly laughter.
I found it harder to take theactual hate mail I got from the trulydisaffected. Electronic Gaming Fandom
was composed almost entirely ofrebellious, contentious teenage males.
In other words, just about all ofthem were Insurgents and the mostinsurgent of them would make Laneyseem like a pacist.
These ultra insurgents lacked onlyone thing something against whichto rebel. As the editor and the guy whoreviewed their fanzines, I was a naturaltarget. Ill never forget one letter whichincluded a poem about how all the
fans would hold hands and dance in a
circle, celebrating my death.One kid even started a campaign
to not send fanzines for review. I toldthe others that who receives a fanzineis solely the decision of the editor, butI also pointed out that elimination ofthe review column that was the goal
would quite possibly lead to the demiseof EG genzine fandom.
Since the vitriol came from onlytwo or three out of hundreds of EGfans, it soon passed as the sources
went off to college, discovered girls andfound other ways to channel all thatpent up combativeness.
Unfortunately, I was right aboutthe column. When I left Video Games &Computer Entertainment, I encouragedthem to keep coverage fanzines, whichthey did. I started a fanzine column inthe revived Electronic Games,whichgave the edgling fandom much wider
exposure. Then Ziff-Davis boughtVG&CEfor its circulation and foldedthe magazine. When Electronic Gamesgave way to Fusionin the early1990s, the prozines ceased to givespace to EG Fandom and the numberof publications entered into a steepdownhill slide.
There are still some like theexcellent (though sercon) Digital Press,
but the emphasis has shifted to onlineactivities blogs and web sites. Thereare two annual conventions and somesmaller, informal ones.
And so, you see, I inventedFandom, even though I couldnt playinit.
Maybe it was coming so close tosomething that reminded me so much
of my younger days in ourFandom thatstirred those embers deep inside, aspark that burst into a ame just a few
years after my stint as a poor gamersForry Ackerman.
So, as you see, I invented Fandom.Just not ours.And I really, really prefer this one.
-- Arnie Katz
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Last Letter-Graded Mail
Let us begin with Eric Mayer!
Chris,
Well Ive heard of the 101st
airborne and 101 Dalmations, nowheres Drink Tank 101.I was tempted to do an all 101
issue of The Drink Tank, but
sanity gripped me tight and I
held off. THinking about it,
having an issue with all digital
numbers would have been better
for the computer issue.
That National Registery stuff
is fascinating. I didnt realize thatwas all online. Ill have to see if myequipments up to it. I want to hearWilliam Jennings Bryan. Now theresan interesting gure. A great populist,
which I liked when I read about him,but then he went and blew it by gettinghimself on the wrong side in theScopes Monkey Trial.Well, I wouldnt say he was on
the wrong side, I mean any side
that gets paid is the right side
if youre a lawyer!
Apparently his Cross of Goldspeech was a real political spectacle.When he delivered the closing line,
which was, as I recollect, somethinglike thou shalt not crucify mankindupon a cross of gold he reportedly
stepped back from the podium, inging
his arms out to the sides, rather asif he were being crucied. Kind of anineteenth century Madonna.
Imagine stirring people up with aspeech about monetary policy. Hemustve been some orator.Thats what gets me, the fact
that a pretty high brow speech
was so very well known.
Youre absolutely right, you canthave a later band like Nirvana included
without including the Ramones. Iwas really into punk rock in the mid-
seventies and it just never caught on.Until a generation later. My nephewplays me one band after another Inever heard of, which all sound like theRamones, and terric. Hmmm...I hopethis doesnt mean disco isnt reallydead...And youre also right about theVelvet Underground, of course. I guessto make the registery bands have tobe inuential as well. I guess the New
York Dolls and Joe King Carrasco are
out. Pity.You know, the Dolls are back to-
gether and touring, even though
Johnny Thunders is dead. I heard
a lot of Velvet Underground
this weekend driving to and from
Tahoe. I really think they need
to put in at least one of theiralbums.
You mention a lot of countrymusic. For the most part My favoritesong by a country music performer isSheb Wooleys Purple People Eater.OK, I think Hank Willims is one ofthe greatest singer/songwriters ever.I also like Patsy Cline. Ive listeneda bit to Bob Wills and he was pretty
interesting. Some of the music doneway back when could be very unusual.Wow, I oughta be a music critic! Well,maybe not.I heard a hilarious story this
weekend about the man who wrote
Patsy Clines Crazy, Mr. Willie
Nelson. Ol Dirty Bastard, the
Wu-Tang Clans filthiest rap-
per who died not too long ago,
was once asked who in the mu-
sic industry he most wanted to
meet. He said Willie Nelson,
because that motherfucker smoked
an ounce a day for forty years!
People find it strange that I
like country, but really, its
what Punk comes from.
Best,
Eric
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Thanks, Eric.
And Now...John Purcell!
Okay, since youre almost donewith #102, lets see if I can wedge thisloc in there in time.You made it in, just under the
wire.#100 - An awesome
accomplishment, my friend. I am stillshocked and surprised at how quickly
you rebounded from this mammotheffort to get #101 out so quickly.
The contents in the Centennial DrinkTankare quite varied, to say theleast. I really cant single out any oneparticular item for commentary, so let
me just give you a blanket comment ofwell done, laddie and a slap on theback. Actually, maybe I should makethat a kick in the pants; its probablymuch more appropriate.Thats a solid comment as far as
Im concerned. I mean, #100 was
big, probably far bigger than
anyone ever expected it to be.
Really, Id probably have been
better off just doing an issue
at half the size, but I couldnt
help myself.#101 - Silicon sounds like its
the kind of con Id enjoy: lots of lms,relaxing with friends, chatting, andmostly night activities. Saturdayis usually the main day of mostconventions anyway, so your comment
that if you only came for Saturday,
you might have thought you were at amuch larger con makes sense. Even a
small relaxacon can seem bigger if youslap some surface structure to it.Ive always enjoyed relaxacons. Minn-stf used to run a couple of these every
year when I was active up there. Wehad Anokon, which was basically anexcuse to have a weekend -long partyin the far-ung northern suburb ofAnoka, and it was usually somethinglike the second or third weekend in
October when the weather is stillpleasant during the day and chillyat night. A good, old-fashionedIndian Summer kind of scenario.Once Minn-stf moved Anokon downthe road apiece to Coon Rapids, thecon was dubbed Not-Anokon mainlybecause it was fannish, but ostensiblybecause CoonCon had such a negative
connotation to it, even if it wasdeliberately misspelled as KoonKon.
Just didnt sit right with folks. So Not-Anokon it was.Sounds like a fun con. I
never make it to any of hte LA
relaxacons, thoughI hear theyre
fun. I might start one myself
in the future. Perhaps a sorta
relaxacon for hoaxers.Interesting selections from that
National Recording Registry. As youcan probably guess, I am also a bigfan of recorded music, and sometimesspoken word. My favorite compilationof recordings are the old bluesrecordings done back in the 1920sand 1930s of Robert Johnson, BessieSmith, Blind Lemon Jefferson, and
all, by the Lomax brothers. Those oldrecordings are full of vitality, pathos,and passion that a lot of modern-dayrecording artists would do well tostudy. Pure, raw music-making at itsnest.I think all of those folks are
in teh Registry. Im just not
excited by the Blues at all. I
dont know why, but I cant get
into Robert Jordan or even Muddy
Waters. It also explains why I
dislike Eric Clapton (and Jimmy
Page for that matter).
In your listing here, I agreewith your assessment of the Whoson First rst radio recording. It isnowhere near as funny as the lmedversion; the pacing was much better
in the second, plus you had the fun
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of watching Lou Costellos facialexpressions. They were both comedicgeniuses, but Costello is generallyregarded as one of the best double-takers in the business. My wife isa big fan of Abbott and Costello,especially their movie The Time of Their
Lives, in which Lou is one of the tworevolutionary ghosts trying to... well,I dont want to spoil the movie foranyone who has never seen it, but it isa lot of fun.The filmed version also gives
you those wonderful expressions.
The delivery is just too fast
for the first half. Its still
funny, but there are a lot of
little laughs that they got in
the filmed version that didnt
come through. Of course, theyd
done that routine about a
thousand times before they did
the radio version. Ive seen
Time of Their Lives and was most
impressed.
We have a couple CDs Bob Wills
and his Texas Playboys. Wheneveryou start to feel down and a bitoverwhelmed by the idiocy of day-to-day living, slap one of these into
your CD player and enjoy the vibe.Seriously, you cant help but tap yourfeet and smile while listing to TexasSwing. It is a lot of fun to listen to.The six disc set of Wills stuff
I bought a couple of years ago
is stillin heavy roatation.
Charlie Byrd, called Jazz Samba(1962), Verve recording 8432, which alsofeatured Keter Betts on bass, Buddy
Deppenschmidt and Bill Reichenbachon drums. One word best describesthis album: scrumptious.Theres no doubt about that.
I like Getz, and my History of
Jazz prof Tony Cinamo was a pal
of his.
Hey, I remember watchingTW3- That Was The Week That Was- ontelevision, and it was easily the bestshow on the tube at that time. LovedLehrers stuff. For ages, Dr. Dementohas been playing The Vatican Rag onhis radio program. My personal TomLehrer song is Poisoning Pigeons inthe Park. And then, of course, theresthe Firesign Theater. My favorite -besides Dont Crush that Dwarf, Handme the Pliers- is Everything You Know
is Wrong. Great material, especially the
Regnad Kcin piece... Whoops! I wasreading that through the glass on thedoor. I am referring to, of course, NickDanger.Theres no question that
Leher deserves to be in, but
they chose poorly as to which
recording. The reconding of ThatWas The Year That Was was made
at the hungry i in San Francisco
and theres a mention of San
Jose in it!
Anywho. A ne follow-up issueto Drink Tank #100. So lets see;according to your livejournal, yourealmost done with #102. So heres thisloc.
Did I make the cut?All the best,
JohnYou made, John, by the skin of
your teeth.
Anotheritem youmention inhere is StanGetz versionof TheGirl From
Ipanema.Hey, if youliked that one,check out thecollaborativerecordingof Getz and