the dream zine

OFD

REAMSRE

ALIT

YAND

REAL

ITY

DREAM

S

MERIDITH

1.24.2015

I see a red light.

Something must have happened. The red light light is tryin to give me mes-sages. The voice breaks again and tells me shut up and just go. But I know that the red light tells me a warning.

I NEED TO GO HOME RIGHT

NOW.MERIDITH

1.28.2015

My boss is watching me with the sur-veillance bug planted in the flower pot. He is keeping his eyes on every move-ment that I make. The voice on my head tells me to find it to deactivate it. I must find it and get rid of it.

2.03.2015

I’m thirsty but I cant drink water

because I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I really don’twant to die. Martians are trying to poison me with radioactive particles delivered through tap water.

MERIDITH

HAYDEN

3.12.2015

I felt little itchiness on my legs I was lying down on my bed half awake. I scratched it few times. It didn’t go away. Then I tossed off the blanket. Spiders. On my legs.

I jumped off the bed stepped on the spiders.

KILL IT! KILL IT!

I’ve waken them up.

You dirty piece of shit. The spiders are here to poison you.

I tried to ignore the voices.

“Ignore them.”“Ignore them.” I thought to myself.

You can’t escape from us.I will be with you forever.You are trapped. YOU LOSER.

It’s driving me fucking insane. The voices have been less intense lately. but it’s still

really bad.

After killing the spiders. I smelled smoke downstairs.I ran down thinking I need to escape. I thought my house was on fire. When I got to first floor I found nothing.

The gas was off. Nothing was in the kitchen.

I was relieved.

Jim always conmments on ev-erything. He started swearing and told me I’m a fool to run down because I thought there was a fire.

ALT always tells me that I should kill myself. I learned to ignore him.

BITCH.

HAYDEN

3.18.2015

Today I went to get my pills refilled. She told me not to go out but I knew that I had to.

I got into the car. I backed out of the garage. I saw a black cat in the back seat.

I told you so. They’re here to kill you.

She laughed at me.

Too loud. STOP.

Got out of my car decided to walk to the pharmacy.

I walked down the street. People passing by They are talking about me.

You are a loser.

You piece of shit.

i don’t know why they hate me so much. It’s my fault.They know who I am. It’s my fault. Please don’t hate my so much.

Inside subway eyes looking

at me. They know who I am. Eyes staring at me.

No, no. Stop looking at me.

The guy in the corner is going to kill me. I need to get out NOW! NOW!

Run, run out.

She’s laughing at me.

Shut up.

I need to go home.

Run. Run.

Voices tell me that its my failt that i went ioutside.

“I told you.” they say.

It’s very very hard.I don’t want to hear this.I’m hiding inside my closet.

GO AWAY.

HAYDEN

I had planned to go hiking with Tammy. Tammy lives 3 blocks from my place. To confirm our schedule I gave her a call.

“Hey are we still up for to-morrow?” I asked her. “Sorry Elvena, something came up just now, and I don’t think I can make it.” she told me.

I told you she’s a bitch.

It’s cus you’re fat. She never liked you.

I froze for a bit to give a thought. “It’s alright. We’ll do next time.” I hung the phone up then turned around to go to my room. I felt like someone was in my room. Then I reassured myself, I was the only one here.

I lied on my bed to sleep. Maybe I’ll go hiking alone tomorrow. I looked up at the ceiling. It was almost moving like a big blob of jello.

There’s someone in the laun-

dry machine!

Another voice screams .”What is he saying now…” I thought to myself.” This voice is Al. He screams random things from time to time.

The other voice is 76. He is the one with the negative remarks.

I thought to myself as I closed my eyes. As 76 said before, does Tammy really hate me? Is it because of my psychotic disorder? Or did she really have plans. I don’t know.

2.05.2015

EDDIE

As I awoke today Al and 76 is arguing.

“Shut up Al God isn’t real.”

“I...I think he’s real...”

“No. He is not. You’re an idiot. Just go back in your hole.”

“I don’t want to!”

Ugh..Not this again. I hate it when they fight. They never tire themselves out. But their conversation made me think.

I think God is real. There was a moment when I used to hear God’s voice. Before Al and 76 appeared.

Could be really him?

Maybe that is another hal-lucination. But I thought I heard him. He was telling me the secrets of aliens from the Galaxy of Qebehsennuf.

He told me a Messiah will come from them soon.

We’ve messed up his land enough, and someone needs will come to clean up our mess.

There will be a WW3, once the Messiah comes. He will be dressed in a robe made of purple aluminum thread.

It will be a time of chaos and confusion. He will wipe us out with nuclear bomb.

The chosen ones will be boarded onto a spaceship called Caviar. Then we would transported to Galaxy of t to start a new colony.

_____

They’re still arguing. I wish I could rip my brain out.

2.17.2015

EDDIE

MERIDITH

I was looking at a mountain that is made out of faces. They were distorted and ugly. They annoyed me.

They looked at me with weird face ex-pressions. I couldn’t read because they were so many that I cannot read every single one but they disturbed me.

I dug a knife from the ground, and cut off the faces off to stop this unpleas-ant. I cut them but realized that they were me, myself. I got hungry and I ate Twinkies. Yummy.

1.24.2015

MERIDITH

This lady wanted to sell me something. She handed her basket to show me what she wanted to sell.

They were parts of my bodies.I knew that they were my body parts. The position of mole on the thigh was same as mine. The color was the same. The lady said that they would make me happy so I need to buy them but I didn’t want to buy them. They were my parts but I didn’t want them.

1.29.2015

MERIDITH

HAYDEN

Wolves are chasing me. I run as fast as I can. But it’s weird that I’m running in slow motion. The wolves get closer and closer. I’m trying my best to run away. I can’t die like this yet. I run through the woods, and I grab the vines to quickly fly through the forest. But I’m still in slow motion. They’ve come clos-er. I can’t run anymore. I’m dead now. I give up. I stop running. I turn back and close my eyes tight. I try to kick them away but I’m too weak. One wolf jumps on me and the others are fol-lowing. They bite my calf and I feel the pain. I’m yelling. I’m being torn apart.Then I wake up.

3.14.2015

HAYDEN

I’m staying at my aunt’s house for a day. I go down the stairs to get some water. I hear people’s voice as I walk by a room. The door is slightly open. I peek inside. Five people are sitting in circle discussing serious matter. I have a bad feeling. I notice they all have red pupil. It’s Them. They have come to get me and convert me. I go into the kitchen to tell this to my aunt. She looks at me. she has red eyes too. She smiles at me. She tells me that I should stay until the world is safe from them. She is hyp-notized by them. I act like i don’t know anything. I tell her I will stay here until it is safe outside. This house is full of aliens. I need to get out of here right now before they turn me into one of them. I’m thinking a way to escape from this house. The front gate is open. I walk toward the gate. They’ve noticed that I’m trying to run away. I try to act normal and walk outside. The people inside the house are all looking at me. I can

feel the strange atmosphere. As soon as I reach the gate. I hide behind the bush. Three seconds later, they all comes out looking for me. I knew it. I have to meet with my best friend at local high school. I arrive at the classroom. I’m hiding inside a cabinet waiting for her. She’s here. I watch her from far inside the cabi-net to make sure she is safe. She seems fine. I come out and hug her out of an excite-ment that she is fine. I held her hands. Suddenly her eye flashs red. She is one of them. She attacks me.

3.19.2015

HAYDEN

I dreamt about aliens. Ev-erything has been so vivid. My dream took place after I was taken into the Galaxy of Qebehsennuf. I met with the Messiah. He wanted to show me the Jamaican forest which he had brought with him from earth.The Messiah had no face .Or he did but I couldn’t grasp the features of his counte-nance.

We together walked into the Jamaican forest. The forest was so colorful. With tints of red and green and gold.

There were plants and ani-mals which I had never seen before.

We came before a great beast with 12 wings, 3 eyes, 9 head, and a split tongue. The beast had head of an eagle and feet like a cow. The Mes-siah said he was the Keeper of the Forest.

The Keeper gave us the golden keys to the Tree of

Knowledge.

The tree had been made out of mirrors. Each mirror was reflecting a part of my mind. Every thought, every knowl-edge, everything I had known until that point

I felt so vulnerable and help-less before The Tree.

Then The Messiah picked me up with his large hands and threw me into the tree. As I was in mid-air trying to grab onto anything possible.

Then I began falling in space. I was falling and falling. I don’t know how long the fall was. Then I woke up from it all to my room.

3.19.2015

EDDIE

4.02.2015

EDDIE

MERIDITH–

She is a 29 year old patient with par-anoid schizophrenia. She has been on sulpride and been able to lucid dream ever since.

HAYDEN–

Hayden is 34 year old male patient. He has been taking latuda and since his dreams have been vivid and wild.

EDDIE–

Eddie was off medication for a bit, and once he got back onto his medication, he stopped having dreams completely.

Dreaming is an absence of reality, it has similarity with schizophrenia that has emotional tone of anxiety and ap-prehension, and bizarreness is parallel to the fantasies or delusions of waking life. The dream contents of schizophre-nia is not quite different from normal people when we all experience REM sleep that cause which have hallucina-tions, delusions, emotional disturbanc-es, and bizarre imaginary images. How-ever, schizophrenia live with dreams in their awake state of consciousness. They live with nightmares.

Dream content and its extremities de-pend heavily on the their medication and is case by case. Some patients get more vivid and strange dreams, while some patients do not have any dream.

Bibliography–

Skrzypińska, Dagna. Szmigielska, Barbara. “Evaluation of Dream Content among Patients with Schizophrenia, their Siblings, Patients with Psychiatric Diagnoses other than Schizophrenia, and Healthy Control.” PMC, 2012. Web. 3 April 2015. “What links schizophrenia and dreaming? Common phenomenological and neu-robiological features of schizophrenia and REM sleep.” Archives of Psychiatry and Psychotherapy, 2013. Web. 3 April 2015. Kaufman, Scott Barry. “Are People With Schizophrenia Living a Dream?” Psy-chology Today, 2009. Web. 3 April 2015. Berezow, Alex B. “Dream Analysis Reveals if You Are Psychotic.” Real Clear Science, Feb 2, 2014. Web. 3 April 2015.

http://www.psychforums.com/schizophrenia/topic73236.html

http://www.psychforums.com/schizophrenia/topic158777.html

http://lifeofschizo.blogspot.com/

http://www.sciforums.com/threads/how-is-schizophrenia-related-to-lucid-dream-ing.58515/

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/07/090728184831.htm

MARY JANE KIMYI JIN

HANA YEAN

the dream zine

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