By Aran Knowles, International Lover

Theory: Uses and Gratifications There’s two of them here, so it could get frisky. Their theory is integral in understanding why

consumers consume media, and was first known to be used in the 1940’s, when radio listeners were assessed, and then periodically after with the emerging technologies of the time. Primarily regarding needs of entertainment, social needs, information and personal identity.

With them having such a significant piece of media theory under their belt, the for me that is a major turn on. I need to snog their crusty lips off. And there’s two of them. Phwoar.

Theory: Receptions Theory Our man Stu developed and adapted an already

existed theory to TV. He believes that the way we interpret a product differs between people, especially if cultural backgrounds are different, and so on. The theory was first about in the late ‘60s, but then, in the following decade, Stu took it and applied it to TV.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Stu, but his theory wasn’t original, therefore, he must die. Although, he was born in Jamaica, so we’ll jam with a spliff n ting before I murder him.

Theory: Cultural Convergence Basically, it is the convergence of old and new

media technologies, and the resultant product of the two. They can be split into five categories, which show the cultural, economic and technological importance of media. Jenkins wrote a damn book on it, which came out in 2008, discussing CC. If he can write a book on it then I’m on board the boat of trust. But he does look like a right wrong’un, to be honest.

I’d take Jenk to the club, because its dark and no-one would know his there. Except me, and then who knows what’d happen.

He wrote ‘We Think’ Charlie wrote a book (major turn-on), ‘We Think’, in

2008, which focused on the use of the internet as means of mass public creation, rather than blind consumption. He believes that participation, creativity and innovation is the way to a more organised future society. He sounds like a right pansy.

Charles clearly seems overly emotional about his quest to make the world find its artistic nature; however, his name sounds like a euphemism, so I’ll give him a chance when we go for some Thai curry together.

Citizen Journalism An idea whereby "the people formerly known as the

audience employ the press tools they have in their possession to inform one another.” Jay said that, but in a tone that I did not like, I really didn’t. He’s been advocating it for ages since the last quarter of the 20th century. He’s a prof at the New York University, so I’d trust him, hell yeah. In fact, I’d do some journalism right now. But I can’t be bothered. He did write a book, ‘What are Journalists For’, which is funny, because he’s a journalist writing a book which is asking why he’s a writing that book. What a guy.

I’d introduce him to my parents, because he’d add levity to the meeting by explaining how darn funny the title of his book is.

Wrote a book, ‘Cognitive Surplus:  Creativity and Generosity in a Connected Age’, in 2010. Not as impressive to me as it once was.

The book says how we are using our free time to be more creative, rather than consumptive. Pffft. Charlie Leadbeater already told me that, Clay. Anyway, the book was well received by critics, so I’ll believe him. Again, though, if I believe a book which tells me that we are more creative, as opposed to consumptive, then isn’t my reading of it a contradiction? I should a write a damn book myself, I’m telling you.

I love his name. Is it even a name? Clay Shirky? Hmm, for that reason I’d definitely get stuck on a chair lift with him, just so he can tell me about his name. It’s what the situation was made for, goddamit!

…he wrote a book in ‘04. ‘We the Media’. Yawn. The book spoke about how the proliferation of journalistic

platforms, such as blogs, means that news is made available at such power, that big corporations can’t keep a lid on it and control what is being said anymore. That’s pretty cool, to be honest, and my man Dan is representin’. Respect. The book was praised by the bloggers and hammered by the press. Now that’s a surprise.

Like some techno-punk, my man Dan is speaking the truth for the people. Anarchy in the UK, goddamit! So for that reason, I’d avoid him. I simply could not keep up with this slick, well-oiled machine of a man.

‘Making is Connecting’ David proposed this agenda, attempting to

redirect audience studies into taking account the shift from audience consumptiveness into audience participation. Admirable. His determination is quite impressive. He first campaigned this in 2008, so for bare long.

He’s a sociologist and theorist. Woah. One is amazing, but two job titles! This calls for spaghetti in a ‘Lady and the Tramp’ style. Obviously, I’d be the tramp to this model of a man.

‘Wikinomics: How Mass Collaboration Changes Everything’. Book. 2006.

I do believe he’s trying to say that mass collaboration is a means for businesses to exploit large numbers of people for their innovation in order for money. He wrote a book, breaking ‘wikinomcis’ into: Openness, Peering, Sharing, and Acting Globally. I’m not a businessman, so I don’t know if it’s entirely true. But he has a written a book on it. Very persuasive.

I’d spend my last day with him, because, with his know-how on mass collaboration, he would mass collaborate a bunch people to build a human shield over the two of us; thus avoiding the impending apocalypse.

“The Long Tail” published in 2006. Chris is saying that because of the switch to digital formats and

websites, popular acts, particularly in music, aren’t necessarily popular in the online markets, because the new markets shine lights on niche products once previously hidden in the back of record shops. I can firmly believe that. Right on, Chris.

I know what he means, and I care what he means, That is just beautiful. I want this man to be with me forever and ever. We are just so similar. We’d talk about the loss of HMV far into the night whilst cuddled up on our sofa. I love you, Chris Anderson soon-to-be Knowles.

Although, my Dad’s called Chris, so people may think I’m marrying my dadfjjfjkwbfjkbfkjbrfhfcgdyjhgtvcbbevteyigfdxjhbligrdxvbfgj

Magazine mogul and old-skool dude Launched a string of British magazines

and enjoyed the old-fashioned ways of music consumption, as do I. I’d marry him but I’m already marrying Chris Anderson. Soz Dave.

Although, by doing what my desires, I will tell Chris that I’m a 21st century man, not tied down to the archaic idea of a confining relationship. I am a free bird.