Shakespeare’s Greatest Hits

A Musical from Something Rotten!

Nick (Spoken): What the heck are musicals?

Nostradamus (Spoken):It appears to be a play where the dialogue stopsAnd the plot is conveyed through song

Nick (Spoken): Through song?

Nostradamus: Yes.

Nick: Wait, so an actor is saying his lines and out of nowhere he just starts singing?

Nostradamus: Yes.

Nick: Well that is the(Singing) Stupidest thing that I have ever heardYou're doing a play, got something to saySo you sing it?It's absurdWho on earth is going to sit there while an actor breaks into songAnd what possible thought could the audience thinkOther than "This is horribly wrong"

Nostradamus (Spoken): Remarkably? They won't think that

Nick (Spoken:) Seriously? Why not?

Nostradamus: Because it's a musicalA musicalAnd nothing's as amazing as a musicalWith song and danceAnd sweet romanceAnd happy endings happening by happenstanceBright lights, stage fights, and a dazzling chorusYou wanna be great?Then you gotta create a musical

Nick (Spoken): I don't know

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I find it hard to believe that people would actually pay to see something like this…

ACTOR 1 O, for a muse of fire, that would ascendThe brightest heaven of inventionA kingdom for a stage, princes to act,And monarchs to behold the swelling scene!Then warlike Harry, like himself,Assume the port of Mars; and at his heels,Leash'd in like hounds, should famine, sword and fire,Crouch for employment. But pardon, gentles all,The flat unraised spirit that hath dar'd, On this unworthy scaffold to bring forthSo great an object: Can this cockpit holdThe vasty fields of France? or may we cramWithin this Wooden 0 the very casques,That did affright the air at Agincourt?0, pardon! Since a crooked figure mayAttest in little place a million;And let us, ciphers to this great accompt,On your imaginary forces work.

Actor 4 Suppose, within the girdle of these wallsAre now confin'd two mighty monarchies,Whose high upreared and abutting frontsThe perilous narrow ocean parts asunder.Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts;Into a thousand parts divide one man,.And make imaginary puissance:Think, when we talk of horses, that you see themPrinting their proud hoofs in the receiving earth,For ‘tis your thoughts that now must deck our kingsCarry them here and there, jumping o'er times,Turning the accomplishment of many yearsInto an hourglass; for the which supplyAdmit me chorus to this history;Who, prologue-like, your humble patience prayGently to hear, kindly to judge, our play.

ACTOR 2 Friends, Romans, Countrymen: Lend me your ears.I come to bury Shakespeare not to praise him.The evil that men do lives after them,The good is oft enterred with their bones,So let it be with Shakespeare.

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ACTOR 3 Peace. I will stop your mouth. We come to praise Shakespeare, not to bury him.

ACTOR 4 I came to bury him.

ACTOR 10 He's been buried for over 400 years.

ACTOR 2 Of course, we come to praise Shakespeare. He wrote the greatest poetry ever written.

ACTOR 4 Except for the Bible.

ACTOR 2 Everybody knows that.

ACTOR 3 Really? And do you think everybody knows more people have bought Shakespeare's poetry than any other book?

ACTOR 4 Except for the Bible.

ACTOR 5 And that translations of Shakespeare are available in more languages than any other book?

ACTOR 4 Except for the Bible.

ACTOR 3 And that includes languages like Bengali, Marathi, Punjabi, Tartar....

ACTOR 7 And Xhosa.

ACTOR 3 Xhosa

ACTOR 2 Guensheit. And many people believe Shakespeare's poetry has had more influence on our lives than any other book.

ALL ACTORS Except for the Bible.

ACTOR 10 To quote Alexandre Dumas: "Shakespeare is the poet who created the most-after God."

ACTOR 12 An overstatement? Maybe. But we do know Shakespeare has spoken to audiences for four centuries.

ACTOR 11 Just mention the name William Shakespeare and six little words come to mind.

ACTOR 12 "All the world's a stage"?

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ACTOR 1 That's five words. No. I'm talking about:

ACTOR 7 "To be or not to be."

ACTOR 8 That was my line!

ACTOR 2 That's the thing about Shakespeare. He always has the perfect words for the perfect moment. And if he doesn't have the perfect word, he just makes one up. Words like “honorificabilitudinitatibus". (Song to tune of "Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious".) And he created the word "laughable".

ACTOR 3 And "critic".

ACTOR 1 And "monumental". You probably quote Shakespeare every day without even realizing it.

ACTOR 14 For example: if you have a hunch that is so strong that you can "feel it in your bones", you're quoting from?

ACTOR 12 Timon of Athens.

ACTOR 9 Timon of Athens? That's "Greek to me".

ACTOR 8 Julius Caesar.

ACTOR 7 That: was a "foregone conclusion"

ACTOR 1 Othello.

Actor 5 Or, gentlemen: if the ladies are always after you, calling and chasing so that finally when the "time is ripe".

ACTOR 4 Henry IV, Part One

ACTOR 6 You "go like the wind".

ACTOR 11 A Midsummer Night's Dream

Actor 8 If you are waiting with “Bated breath”

Actor 6 The Merchant of Venice

Actor 18 or need to “Break the ice”

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Actor 10 The Taming of the Shrew

ACTOR 9 Leaving the poor ladies on "the brink of tears”

ACTOR 12 Timon of Athens

ACTOR 5 Moaning about your "cold heart'

ACTOR 3 Antony and Cleopatra

ACTOR 17 Which leaves them "'chilled to the bone".

ACTOR 15 Pericles

ACTOR 14 To which you say: "take it or leave it"

ACTOR 13 King Lear

ACTOR 11 Until you meet the one lady who is your "be-all and end-all".

ACTOR 18 Macbeth

ACTOR 2 And you have a "change of heart"

ACTOR 20 Measure for Measure

ACTOR 8 Or "by the same token".

ACTOR 2 Trolius and Cressida

ACTOR 7 A "heart of gold".

ACTOR 21 Henry V

ACTOR 10 All the while you're quoting Shakespeare.

ACTOR 9 Or, ladies: "Prick up your ears."

ACTOR 17 The Tempest

ACTOR 2 If you find that "the worm turns”

ACTOR 16 Henry VI, Part Three

ACTOR 13 Tell him never mind, because you don't want him. You want "a man among men".

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ACTOR 3 Anthony and Cleopatra

ACTOR 7 A man who is "second to none"

ACTOR 19 Comedy of Errors

ACTOR 7 And you may not know him yet but you can see him in "Your mind's eye”

ACTOR 9 Hamlet

ACTOR 8 And when you do meet, it is "love at first sight.”

ACTOR 7 As You Like It

ACTOR 14 And he makes you feel "safe and sound".

ACTOR 19 Comedy of Errors

ACTOR 16 And "not to mince matters".

ACTOR 1 Othello

ACTOR 17 You live a "charmed life, together”.

ACTOR 18 Macbeth

ACTOR 1 Until, alas, he "breathes his last".

ACTOR 5 Henry VI, Part Two

ACTOR 11 You're quoting Shakespeare.

ACTOR 18 And if, as you go through life, your motto is "no sweat".

ACTOR 17 The Tempest

ACTOR 12 Once again you're quoting Shakespeare. Or if your teacher is the “Devil incarnate”

ACTOR 14 Titus Andronicus

ACTOR 21 no its Henry V

ACTOR 14 Titus Andronicus

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ACTOR 6 You are both right. Stop it.

ACTOR 19 The importance of Shakespeare to our language, our thoughts, our lives led twentieth century poet William Carlos Williams to observe: "Shakespeare is the greatest University of all." Performing artists obviously agree. Most actors would rather act in a Shakespeare play than perform work by any other playwright. Shakespeare's plots have been reworked into such diverse film scripts as "Forbidden Planet" and "10 Things I hate about You". And Japanese director Akira Kirwasawa has mixed Shakespeare with Japanese history to come up with movies like "Throne of Blood"

ACTOR 12 One of Shakespeare's plays that has no romantic intrigue is Julius Caesar.

ACTOR 2 I love Julius Caesar. This is the one where I get to say: "Speak hands for me!"

ACTOR 18 But not yet. In this play, Shakespeare turns his attention to the scrutiny of politics and power.

ACTOR 1 The date is March 15: the Ides of March. Caesar is on his way capitol when he is stopped by a Soothsayer who proclaims: "Beware the Ides of March". Caesar is frightened but proceeds.

ACTOR 7 Once there, the conspiring senators slowly surround him until one cries out:

ACTOR 2 Speak hands for me!

ACTOR 2/ACTOR 18 And stabs Caesar.

ACTOR 3 One by one, the others follow his lead- When Caesar sees Brutus is about to stab him, he moans: "Et tu, Brute" and dies. News of the assassination quickly spreads throughout the city. Within moments people are crowding the forum, demanding to know what has happened.

ACTOR 1 In Marc Antony's funeral orations Shakespeare created the perfect political speech and the perfect politician.

ACTOR 2 Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears.I come to bury Caesar not to praiseThe evil that men do lives after them,The good is oft inter-red with their bones;So let it be with Caesar. The noble BrutusHath told you Caesar was ambitious;

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If it were so, it was a grievous fault,And grievously hath Caesar answered it.Here, under leave of Brutus and the restFor Brutus is an honorable man,So are they all, all honorable men,Come I to speak at Caesar's funeral.He was my friend, faithful and just to me;But Brutus says he was ambitious,And Brutus is an honorable man.On the feast of Luprical,I thrice presented Caesar a kingly crown,Which he did thrice refused. Was this ambition?Yet Brutus says he was ambitious.And sure he is an honorable man.I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,But here I am to speak of what I know.You all did love him once, not without cause;What cause withholds you now to mourn for him?O judgement. Thou art fled to brutish beastsAnd men have lost their reason. Bear with me.My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,And I must pause till it come back to me.

ACTOR 2 It may surprise you to learn that Shakespeare did write more comedies than tragedies. So of course, we take for granted he had a keen sense of humor.

ACTOR 11 At least we hope so.

ACTOR 2 With that in mind, we'd like to present a personal favorite of ours; two scenes from one of Shakespeare's earliest plays: The Comedy of Errors.

ACTOR 3 Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown;Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects;I am not Adriana nor thy wife.The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vowThat never words were music to thine ear,That never object pleasing in thine eye,That never touch well welcome to thy hand,That never meat sweet-savored in thy taste,Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to thee.How comes it now, my husband, 0, how comes it,That thou art then estranged from thyself?Thyself I call it, being strange to me,That, undividable, incorporate,

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Am better than thy dear self's better part.Ah, do not tear away thyself from me!For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fallA drop of water in the breaking gulf,And take unmingled thence that drop again,Without addition or diminishing,As take from me thyself and not me too.How dearly would it touch thee to the quickShouldst thou but hear I were licentious,And that this body, consecrate to thee,By ruffian lust should be contaminatedWouldst thou not spit at me and spurn at me,And hurl the name of husband in my face,And tear the stained skin off my harlot-brow,And from my false hand cut the wedding ringAnd break it with a deep divorcing vow?I know thou canst; and therefore see thou do it.I am possessed with an adulterate blot,My blood is mingled with the crime of lust:For if we two be one and thou play false,I do digest the poison of thy flesh,Being strumpeted by thy contagion.Keep then, fair league and truce with thy true bed,I live unstained, thou undishonored.

ACTOR 5 Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not:In Ephesus I am but two hours old,As strange unto your town as to your talkWho, every word by all my wit being scannedWants wit in all one word to understand. (Adrianna exit)Why how now, Dormio? Where rann'st thou so fast?ACTOR 6 Do you know me, sir? Am I Dromio? Am I your man? Am I myself?

ACTOR 5 Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.

ACTOR 6 I am an ass, I am a woman's man and besides myself.

ACTOR 5 What woman's man? and how besides thyself?

ACTOR 6 Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; onethat claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.

ACTOR 5 What claim lays she to thee?

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ACTOR 6 Marry sir, such claim as you would lay to yourhorse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, Ibeing a beast, she would have me; but that she,being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.

ACTOR 5 What is she?

ACTOR 6 A very reverent body; ay, such a one as a man maynot speak of without he say 'Sir-reverence.' I havebut lean luck in the match, and yet is she awondrous fat marriage.

ACTOR 5 How dost thou mean a fat marriage?

ACTOR 6 Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease;and I know not what use to put her to but to make a lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn aPoland winter: if she lives till doomsday,she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.

ACTOR 5 What complexion is she of?

ACTOR 6 Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half so clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over shoes in the grime of it.

ACTOR 5 That's a fault that water will mend.

ACTOR 6 No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.

ACTOR 2 Just mention the name William Shakespeare and almost automatically six little words come to mind: to be or not to be-

ACTOR 3 Speak the speech I pray you as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue. Nor do not saw the air too much with your hand but use all gently.

ACTOR 2 To be or not to be---

ACTOR 3 Be not too tame neither but let your own discretion be your tutor. Suit the action to the word, the word to the action.

ACTOR 2 To be or not to be--

ACTOR 3 With this special observance, that you O'erstep not the modesty of nature: for anything so o'erdone is from the purpose of playing, whose

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end, both at the first and now was and is, to hold as't,@vere the mirror up to nature. We now present the most famous monologue from The Tragedy of Hamlet Prince of Denmark.

ACTOR 8 To be, or not to be: that is the question:Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to sufferThe slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;No more; and by a sleep to say we endThe heart-ache and the thousand natural shocksThat flesh is heir to, ’tis a consummationDevoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep;To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub;For in that sleep of death what dreams may comeWhen we have shuffled off this mortal coil,Must give us pause: there’s the respectThat makes calamity of so long life;For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,The insolence of office and the spurnsThat patient merit of the unworthy takes,When he himself might his quietus makeWith a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,To grunt and sweat under a weary life,But that the dread of something after death,The undiscover’d country from whose bournNo traveller returns, puzzles the willAnd makes us rather bear those ills we haveThan fly to others that we know not of?Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;And thus the native hue of resolutionIs sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,And enterprises of great pith and momentWith this regard their currents turn awry,And lose the name of action.–Soft you now!The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisonsBe all my sins remember’d.

ACTOR 3 Shakespeare uses the Monorchy to show man at his most desperate. Here are a few desperate Kings.

ACTOR 14 A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

ACTOR 15 Withdraw, my lord; I'll help you to a horse.

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ACTOR 14 Slave, I have set my life upon a cast,And I will stand the hazard of the die:I think there be six Richmonds in the field;Five have I slain to-day instead of him.A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

ACTOR 16 Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! Rage! Blow!You cataracts and hurricanoes, spoutTill you have drench’d our steeples, drown’d the cocks!You sulphurous and thought-executing fires,Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts,Singe my white head! And thou, all-shaking thunder,Strike flat the thick rotundity o’ the world!Crack nature’s moulds, all germens spill at onceThat make ingrateful man!

ACTOR 15 O nuncle, court holy-water in a dry house is better than this rain-water out o’ door. Good nuncle, in, and ask thy daughters’ blessing; here’s a night pities neither wise man nor fool.

ACTOR 16 Rumble thy bellyful! Spit, fire! spout, rain!Nor rain, wind, thunder, fire, are my daughters:I tax not you, you elements, with unkindness;I never gave you kingdom, call’d you children,You owe me no subscription: then, let fallYour horrible pleasure; here I stand, your slave,A poor, infirm, weak, and despis’d old man.But yet I call you servile ministers,That have with two pernicious daughters join’dYour high-engender’d battles ’gainst a headSo old and white as this. O! O! ’tis foul.

ACTOR 15 He that has a house to put his head in has a good head-piece.ACTOR 16 No, I will be the pattern of all patience;I will say nothing.

ACTOR 21 In Shakespeare’s plays, it is often the woman who takes the lead in romance. In five of Shakespeare’s plays, women disguise themselves as boys in order to be closer to their lover or help him out of some difficulty.

ACTOR 19 In TWELFTH NIGHT Viola is disguised as Cesario, page to Count Orsino.

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ACTOR 21 Viola loves Orsino who loves Olivia who loves Viola, who she thinks is Cesario. Well you get the picture.

ACTOR 9 (Viola)I will answer you with gait and entrance. But we are prevented. (enter OLIVIA) Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain odours on you!

ACTOR 7 (SIR ANDREW) That youth's a rare courtier: 'Rain odours;' well.

ACTOR 9 (Viola)My matter hath no voice, to your own most pregnantand vouchsafed ear.

ACTOR 7 (SIR ANDREW) 'Odours,' 'pregnant' and 'vouchsafed:' I'll get 'em all three all ready.

ACTOR 10 (OLIVIA) Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing. (Exeunt SIR ANDREW) Give me your hand, sir.

VIOLA My duty, madam, and most humble service.

OLIVIA What is your name?

VIOLA Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess.

OLIVIA My servant, sir! 'Twas never merry world Since lowly feigning was call'd compliment: You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth.

VIOLA And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:Your servant's servant is your servant, madam.

OLIVIA For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,Would they were blanks, rather than fill'd with me!

VIOLA Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts on his behalf.

OLIVIA O, by your leave, I pray you, I bade you never speak again of him:But, would you undertake another suit, I had rather hear you to solicit thatThan music from the spheres.

VIOLA Dear lady,--

OLIVIA Give me leave, beseech you. I did send, After the last enchantment you did here, A ring in chase of you: so did I abuse Myself, my servant and, I fear me, you:

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Under your hard construction must I sit, To force that on you, in a shameful cunning,Which you knew none of yours: what might you think? Have you not set mine honour at the stake And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom, hideth my heart. So, let me hear you speak.

VIOLA I pity you.

OLIVIA That's a degree to love.

VIOLA No, not a grize; for 'tis a vulgar proof, that very oft we pity enemies.

OLIVIA Why, then, methinks 'tis time to smile again. O, world, how apt the poor are to be proud! If one should be a prey, how much the better to fall before the lion than the wolf! Clock strikes The clock upbraids me with the waste of time. Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you: And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest, Your were is alike to reap a proper man: There lies your way, due west.

VIOLA Then westward-ho! Grace and good disposition attend your ladyship! You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?

OLIVIA Stay: I prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me.

VIOLA That you do think you are not what you are.

OLIVIA If I think so, I think the same of you.

VIOLA Then think you right: I am not what I am.

OLIVIA I would you were as I would have you be!

VIOLA Would it be better, madam, than I am? I wish it might, for now I am your fool.

OLIVIA O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful in the contempt and anger of his lip! A murderous guilt shows not itself more soon than love that would seem hid: love's night is noon. Cesario, by the roses of the spring, By maidhood, honour, truth and everything, I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride, Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide. Do not extort thy reasons from this clause, For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause, But rather reason thus with reason fetter, Love sought is good, but given unsought better.

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VIOLA By innocence I swear, and by my youth I have one heart, one bosom and one truth, And that no woman has; nor never none shall mistress be of it, save I alone.And so adieu, good madam: never more will I my master's tears to you deplore.

OLIVIA Yet come again; for thou perhaps mayst move that heart, which now abhors, to like his love.

ACTOR 4 In MERCHANT OF VENICE Portia disguises herself as a “young doctor of Rome” in an effort to save Antonio from Shylock

ACTOR 11 (PORTIA) Is your name Shylock?

ACTOR 12 (SHYLOCK) Shylock is my name.

PORTIA Of a strange nature is the suit you follow; Yet in such rule that the Venetian law cannot impugn you as you do proceed. You stand within his danger, do you not?

ACTOR 13 (ANTONIO) Ay, so he says.

PORTIA Do you confess the bond?

ANTONIO I do.

PORTIA Then must the Jew be merciful.

SHYLOCK On what compulsion must I? Tell me that.

PORTIA The quality of mercy is not strain'd, It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest; It blesseth him that gives and him that takes: 'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes The throned monarch better than his crown; His sceptre shows the force of temporal power, The attribute to awe and majesty, Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings; But mercy is above this sceptred sway; It is enthroned in the hearts of kings, It is an attribute to God himself; And earthly power doth then show likest God's When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,Though justice be thy plea, consider this, That, in the course of justice, none of usShould see salvation: we do pray for mercy; And that same prayer doth teach us all to render The deeds of mercy. I have spoke thus much To mitigate the justice of thy plea;Which if thou follow, this strict court of Venice Must needs give sentence 'gainst the merchant there.

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SHYLOCK My deeds upon my head! I crave the law, The penalty and forfeit of my bond.

ACTOR 7 Shakespeare finds his way into television though advertisers who use lines of Shakespeare in commercials. Or in television programs like Star Trek, Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Doctor Who

ACTOR 4 And Gilligan’s Island.

ACTOR 7 Gilligan’s Island?

ACTOR 4 Yeah. You remember. The episode where they try to turn Hamlet into a musical: Neither a borrower nor a lender be,Don't you forget.,Stay out of debt!

ACTOR 7 I must have missed that one. But Shakespeare has certainly inspired music. From operas like Othello, Falstaff and A Midsummer Night's Dream to musicals like Two Gentlemen of Verona, West Side Story and The Boys From Syracuse.

ACTOR 11 And Rock and Roll. "You've Got To Be Cruel to Be Kind, In The Right Measure". "Just Like Romeo and, Juliet'. Sting even took one of Shakespeare's sonnets and made it into a song.

Song/Dance Mash-up. "ROMEO AND JULIET" – DIRE STRAITSACTOR A lovestruck Romeo sings the streets of serenadeLaying everybody low with a love song that he madeFinds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shadeSays something like you and me babe how about it?Juliet says hey it's Romeo you nearly gimme me a heart attackHe's underneath the window she's singing hey la my boyfriend's backYou shouldn't come around here singing up at people like thatAnyway what you gonna do about it?Juliet the dice were loaded from the startAnd I bet and you exploded in my heartAnd I forget I forget the movie songWhen you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

 ACTOR “Cordelia” – The Tragically Hip  “It takes all your powerTo prove that you don’t careI’m not Cordelia, I will not be there”

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ACTOR “Miss Macbeth” by Elvis Costello “And everyday she lives out another love songIt’s a tearful lament of somebody done wrongWell how can you miss what you’ve neverpossessed, Miss Macbeth?”

ACTOR “Macbeth” – by John Cale “Alas for poor MacbethHe found a shallow graveBut better than a painful deathAnd quicker than his dying breath”

ACTOR “The King Must Die” by  Elton John “No man’s a jester playing ShakespeareRound your throne room floorWhile the juggler’s act is danced uponThe crown that you once wore”

ACTOR 1 Monologues were a common devise of Shakespeare. Since his audiences came from all walks of life, servants to Noblemen, Shakespeare had to make sure everyone knew what was going on. In King Lear Edmund is defining himself as an evil character.

Actor 7 (EDMUND) Thou, nature, art my goddess; to thy law my services are bound. Wherefore should I Stand in the plague of custom, and permit The curiosity of nations to deprive me, For that I am some twelve or fourteen moon-shines Lag of a brother? Why bastard? wherefore base? When my dimensions are as well compact, My mind as generous, and my shape as true, As honest madam's issue? Why brand they usWith base? with baseness? bastardy? base, base? Who, in the lusty stealth of nature, take More composition and fierce quality Than doth, within a dull, stale, tired bed, Go to the creating a whole tribe of fops, Got 'tween asleep and wake? Well, then, Legitimate Edgar, I must have your land: Our father's love is to the bastard Edmund as to the legitimate: fine word,--legitimate! Well, my legitimate, if this letter speed, And my invention thrive, Edmund the base shall top the legitimate. I grow; I prosper: Now, gods, stand up for bastards!

ACTOR 20 One of the most famous songs inspired by Shakespeare is from Cole Porter's backstage musical Kiss Me Kate. And it goes something like this: Maestro?

ALL ACTORS Brush up your Shakespeare,Start quoting him now.

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Brush up your Shakespeare, And the people you will wow.

ACTOR 19 Just proclaim a few lines from OthelloAnd they'll think you're a hell of a fellow.

ACTOR 13 If your blonde won't respond when you flatter her,Tell her what Tony told-Cleopatra

ACTOR 12 If they say your behavior is heinous,Take ‘em right into Coriolanus.

ALL ACTORS Brush up your Shakespeare,And they'll all kow-tow.

Actor 4 If you can't be a ham and do HamletThey will not give a damn or a damletActor 7 Just recite an occasional sonnetAnd your lap'll have honey upon it

Actor 1 When your baby is pleading for pleasureLet her sample you Measure for Measure

ALL ACTORS Brush up your Shakespeare,Start quoting him now. Brush up your Shakespeare, And the people you will wow.

ACTOR 9 We continue brushing up with a scene that occurs early on in Shakespeare's famous tale of star-crossed lovers: Romeo and Juliet.

ACTOR 2 Romeo has disguised himself and entered into the palace of his sworn enemies: the Capulets. There, he hopes to catch a glimpse of a girl named "Rosaline" who he thinks he's in love with until:

ACTOR 3 He sees another girl who banishes all thought of Rosaline forever. Juliet.

ACTOR 20 (Romeo) Did my heart love till now? Forswear it sight,For I never saw true beauty till this night.

ACTOR 3Romeo quickly leaves the party and wanders through the orchard that surrounds the palace until he finds himself--coincidentally--under Juliet's balcony.

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ACTOR 20 (Romeo) If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this, My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

Actor 21 (Juliet) Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this: For saints have hands that pilgrims’ hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers’ kiss.

Romeo Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

Juliet Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in pray’r.

Romeo O then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do, They pray—grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

Juliet Saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake.

Romeo Then move not while my prayer’s effect I take. Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purg’d.

Actor 19 Madam, your mother craves a word with you.

Romeo What is her mother?

Nurse Marry, bachelor, her mother is the lady of the house, And a good lady, and a wise and virtuous. I nurs’d her daughter that you talk’d withal; I tell you, he that can lay hold of her Shall have the chinks.

Romeo Is she a Capulet? O dear account! My life is my foe’s debt

ACTOR 3 And later in the play we have a little comedy to go with the tragedy

Juliet Now, good sweet nurse—O Lord, why lookest thou sad?Though news be sad, yet tell them merrily; If good, thou shamest the music of sweet news by playing it to me with so sour a face.

Nurse I am a-weary, give me leave a while. Fie, how my bones ache! What a jaunce have I!

JulietI would thou hadst my bones, and I thy news. Nay, come, I pray thee speak, good, good nurse, speak.

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Nurse Jesu, what haste! Can you not stay a while? Do you not see that I am out of breath?

Juliet How art thou out of breath, when thou hast breath to say to me that thou art out of breath? The excuse that thou dost make in this delay is longer than the tale thou dost excuse. Is thy news good or bad? Answer to that. Say either, and I’ll stay the circumstance. Let me be satisfied, is’t good or bad?

Nurse Well, you have made a simple choice, you know not how to choose a man. Romeo! No, not he. Though his face be better than any man’s, yet his leg excels all men’s, and for a hand and a foot and a body, though they be not to be talk’d on, yet they are past compare. He is not the flower of courtesy, but I’ll warrant him, as gentle as a lamb. Go thy ways, wench, serve God. What, have you din’d at home?

Juliet No, no! But all this did I know before. What says he of our marriage? What of that?

Nurse Lord, how my head aches! What a head have I! It beats as it would fall in twenty pieces. My back a’ t’ other side—ah, my back, my back! Beshrew your heart for sending me about To catch my death with jauncing up and down!

Juliet I’ faith, I am sorry that thou art not well. Sweet, sweet, sweet nurse, tell me, what says my love?

Nurse Your love says, like an honest gentleman, An’ a courteous, and a kind, and a handsome, And, I warrant, a virtuous—Where is your mother?

Juliet Where is my mother! Why, she is within, Where should she be? How oddly thou repliest! “Your love says, like an honest gentleman, ‘Where is your mother?’”

Nurse O God’s lady dear! Are you so hot? Marry, come up, I trow; Is this the poultice for my aching bones? Henceforward do your messages yourself.

Juliet Here’s such a coil! Come, what says Romeo?

Nurse Have you got leave to go to shrift today?

Juliet I have.

Nurse Then hie you hence to Friar Lawrence’ cell, There stays a husband to make you a wife. Now comes the wanton blood up in your

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cheeks, They’ll be in scarlet straight at any news. Hie you to church, I must another way, to fetch a ladder, by the which your love must climb a bird’s nest soon when it is dark. I am the drudge, and toil in your delight; But you shall bear the burden soon at night. Go, I’ll to dinner, hie you to the cell.

Juliet Hie to high fortune! Honest nurse, farewell.

ACTOR 2 And from these joyful promises spring the tale of such woe… that of Juliet and her Romeo.

ACTOR 1 In Taming of the Shrew, Katherine tries to change the status quo.

ACTOR 18 (PETRUCHIO) Good morrow, Kate; for that's your name, I hear.

ACTOR 17 (KATHERINE) Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing: They call me Katharina that do talk of me.

ACTOR 18 (PETRUCHIO) You lie, in faith; for you are call'd plain Kate, And bonny Kate and sometimes Kate the curst; But Kate, the prettiest Kate in ChristendomKate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate, For dainties are all Kates, and therefore, Kate,Take this of me, Kate of my consolation; Hearing thy mildness praised in every town,Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded, Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,Myself am moved to woo thee for my wife.

KATHERINE Moved! in good time: let him that moved you hither Remove you hence: I knew you at the first You were a moveable.

PETRUCHIO Why, what's a moveable?

KATHERINE A join'd-stool.

PETRUCHIO Thou hast hit it: come, sit on me.

KATHERINE Asses are made to bear, and so are you.

PETRUCHIO Women are made to bear, and so are you.

KATHARINA No such jade as you, if me you mean.

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PETRUCHIO Alas! good Kate, I will not burden thee; For, knowing thee to be but young and light—

KATHARINA Too light for such a swain as you to catch; And yet as heavy as my weight should be.

PETRUCHIO Should be! should--buzz!

KATHERINE Well ta'en, and like a buzzard.

PETRUCHIO O slow-wing'd turtle! shall a buzzard take thee?

KATHERINE Ay, for a turtle, as he takes a buzzard.

PETRUCHIO Come, come, you wasp; i' faith, you are too angry.

KATHERINE If I be waspish, best beware my sting.

PETRUCHIO My remedy is then, to pluck it out.

KATHERINE Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies,

PETRUCHIO Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail.

KATHERINE In his tongue.

PETRUCHIO Whose tongue?

KATHERINE Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell.

PETRUCHIO What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, come again, Good Kate; I am a gentleman.

KATHERINE That I'll try. She strikes him

PETRUCHIO I swear I'll cuff you, if you strike again.

ACTOR 14 The folks today in societyGo for classical poetry

ACTOR 20 To win their hearsYou must quote with easeAeschylus and Euripides

ACTOR 6 But the poet of them all

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That’ll start ‘em simply ravin’

ALL ACTORS Is the poet people call:The Bard of Stratford on Avon.Brush up your Shakespeare,Start quoting him now. Brush up your Shakespeare, And the people you will wow.

ACTOR 16 So you sat through this questionable epicWhich may or not be As You Like It.

ACTOR 15 We caught some of you snoring and gruntingBut why make Much Ado About Nothing.

ACTOR 11 If you’ve learned something, we promise we won’t tell.If you’ve had fun, then All’s Well that Ends Well.

ALL ACTORS Brush up your Shakespeare,And they’ll all kow-tow.And they’ll all kow-tow.And they’ll all kow-tow.

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