session 9: instruction/discipline of children

Session 9: Instruction/Discipline of Children

Reflect for a moment on the childrearing process:

– 18-year task – Each child is different– Pass through several

stages of development– Launching difficulties– Major hazards on the

way

Artisanship and the Lifelong Pursuit of Wisdom

Part I Artisanship: Mastering Your Craft (3 messages)Part II The Skillful Life (6 messages)Part III The Lifelong Pursuit of Wisdom (2 messages)


Part II The Skillful Life (6 messages)

There is a wisdom corpus (body of literature) in the O.T.It gives us a taxonomy (disciplined framework) by which to live life.

We must master this wisdom body of literature!


Basics of a Skillful Life (A Perfect Taxonomy)B. Character and Mental AcumenC. Money, Honesty, and Disciplined Work HabitsD. Marriage, Children, and an Ordered HomeE. Emotions, Words, and Skill in ConflictF. Authority, Respect, and Generational Harmony

We have created a tool to guide you in mastering the Proverbs.

In fact, we have a course and resource notebook with tabs, work-sheets, and a reader . . . and eventually videos and a workbook.

The Skillful Life 65 Categories

One leading a skillful life

…living harmoniously in community

…respect for authority and administration

…kinds of generations

…justice

…a habit of lifelong learning

…character development

• character types• character traits• mental acumen

…disciplined in work…honest and fair

practices…good use of

money

…well ordered home…an excellent wife…discipline of

children

…dealing wisely and fairly with people

…control of emotions and words

...handling conflict

33

6

6

14

6

Core Life Skills Marriage, Children, and an Ordered Home

6 subcategories

Building a House

Importance of an Excellent Wife

Nagging Wives

Instructing/Disciplining Children (plus Prov. 1:8–9:18)

Honoring Parents

Grandchildren/Old Age

Instructing/Disciplining Children

1:8aListen,

my son, to your father’s

instruction

1:8b and do not forsake

( ) your mother’s

teaching.

Very insightful and seminal proverb. It sits at the beginning of this section: 1:8–9:18. Two key words: instruction and teaching.


Instruction (musar)—punishment, rebuke; teaching of a principle or axiom (LN)

Teaching (torah)—law, body of instruction, custom (LN); represents the concept of a catechetical context (Waltke).

Note: mother is the base (grandmother, caregiver); father is appealing—older son, choice time.

Father—dialogue, proverbs (principles).


This is now followed by a whole body of instruction

• built upon teaching not to forsake (mother)

• a dialogue with father to embrace, pursue learning

Basic roots of a moral development framework!


Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. 2 I give you sound learning,

so do not forsake my teaching. 3 When I was a boy in my father’s house, still

tender, and an only child of my mother, 4 he taught me and said,

“Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.

5 Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them.

Proverbs 4:1–5


YouthNaive

FoolFool

Scoffer

Wise

Wiser

Father’s Exhortation“My son” . . (1:8; 2:1; 3:1; 4:10, 20; 5:20; 6:1, 20; 7:1)“Sons, listen to me . . (4:1; 5:7; 7:24; 8:32)1. Basic challenge—to stay on path of wisdom2. Basic warning—avoid:

• worthless men• strange women

Wisdom’s Inviting (Redemptive) Call1. 3 categories of people on wrong path:

naïve - fool - scoffer2. Aspects of the call

Proverbs 1:8–9:18


Pre-moralrewards and punishment

models & rules

dialoguelevel I

level IIIlevel II

modes of moral influence

Kohlberg’s Moral Development Levels

Ward’s Adaptation of Kohlberg

level 1 level 3level 2

moral determinant

motivation

response to authority

self others principles

me outside of me internalized principles

forcerespect for

models & laws willingly incorporate principles


CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Hebrew Wisdom Literature

PROVERBS: DISCIPLINE

PROVERBS: BASIC TRAINING

WISDOM LITERATURE: DIALOGUE

0 12–136Individual (Founding) Family Member (Building) Community Member (Deepening)

FAITH DEVELOPMENT

KERYGMA: BASICS OF THE

GOSPEL

CATECHISM: THEOLOGY IN CULTURE: TOWARD A BIBLICAL

WORLD VIEWELEMENTS OF A BIBLICAL

WORLD VIEW

EDUCATION & LIFEWORK

DEVELOPMENT

PRE-SCHOOLING SKILLS CORE KNOWLEDGE COMPLEX DISCIPLINES


13:24aHe who spares the rod

( )hates his son,

13:24bbut he who loves him

is careful to discipline him.

Rod—a wooden stick used as a versatile tool for controlling individuals in the herd or flock, also for punishment; a scepter—mark of authority (BDB)

Careful—blacken / learn the whereabouts of an object, make an incantation to ward off trouble as an extension of seeking hidden knowledge (LN)

Discipline (musar)


Rod—semantic range

Essentially it is a symbol (mark) of authority.

Keeps kids in the fold. Used to ward off trouble. Can be used for punishment.

Far broader idea than a tool for spanking. It represents the whole concept of controlling and shaping children morally.


Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.

Proverbs 19:18

Discipline (yasar) gives formal and informal instruction, often with warning of consequences, punish in order to improve behavior.

Death pictures anguish of soul—life going out of his soul.

Hope pictures the quality of a soul/life lifted up.


We need to bring authority into the catechizing (training in the faith) process for the ultimate reason of not sharing in the destruction of the life of their soul.

If we fail to shape our children morally, we are sharing in the inevitable end result of seeing the real life that could be theirs snuffed out.


20:30aBlows and wounds

cleanse away evil,

20:30bAnd beating

purge the inmost being

Evil—this is the key word here. It means wicked, no good, fierce, wild. It pictures danger.

The level of discipline here is at least tough love, and possibly penal. This is a global practice.

Instructing/Disciplining ChildrenThis is like the Indonesian practice of caning.In the city-state of Singapore, it is used as a form of corporal punishment on men for criminal offences.Caning was introduced to Singapore by the British when they controlled Singapore as part of their colonial empire. More than one thousand male criminals are caned in Singapore each year for both violent and non-violent offences such as vandalism, overstaying one's visa, or illegal immigration.The subject to be caned is strapped to a metal frame with the buttocks exposed. The rattan cane has been soaked in water overnight to prevent the cane from splitting and to maximize inflicted pain; the Prisons Department denies that the cane is soaked in brine, but notes that the cane is treated with antiseptic before use. Parts of the prisoner's body are padded to prevent accidental damaging of the kidneys and the genitals, but the procedure can still leave permanent scars on the subject. Caning is carried out in the presence of a prison officer and a medical officer. The punishment of caning is carried out in a single session, and not by 'installments.' Thus, a person sentenced to 24 strokes of the cane will have the entire sentence carried out at once. The persons carrying out the caning are specially trained prison officers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/City-state

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singapore

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corporal_punishment

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Kingdom

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Empire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rattan

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brine

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antiseptic

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kidney

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genitals


Sections 227 to 233 of the Criminal Procedure Codeaddress the caning procedures to be adhered to, including:• The subject may be caned if he is male, is between the

ages of sixteen and fifty, and is certified medically fit by a medical doctor.

• The subject will be caned up to a maximum of twenty-four strokes, irrespective of the total number of offences convicted.

• Should the subject be a youth, he may be caned up to ten strokes, using a light rattan.

• The subject will not be caned if he has been sentenced to death.

• The rattan shall be not more than 1.27 centimeters in diameter.

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Criminal_Procedure_Code&action=edit

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rattan

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Execution_%28legal%29

Instructing/Disciplining Children• Illegal entry into Singapore: at least three strokes • Unlawful overstay in Singapore for over ninety days: at least

three strokes • Unlawful possession or conveyance of any arms or

ammunition: at least six strokes • Trafficking in arms: at least six strokes • Rape: at least twelve strokes for male offenders • Vandalism: three to eight strokes • Piracy (robbery committed at sea): at least twelve strokes • Robbery: at least six strokes. If committed after 7 p.m. and

before 7 a.m: at least twelve strokes • Robbery when armed or with attempt to cause death or

grievous hurt: at least twelve strokes • Attempt to commit robbery: at least six strokes • Voluntarily causing hurt in committing robbery: at least

twelve strokes • Gang-robbery: at least twelve strokes (WIKIPEDIA)


Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him

Proverbs 22:15

Rod of discipline—use of authority by the use of several methods.

The rod appears to be some form of shaping discipline, using authority to shape the outcome.


Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. 14 Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.

Proverbs 23:13–14The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.

Proverbs 29:15

Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.

Proverbs 29:17

Instructing/Disciplining ChildrenMethods of Discipline

1. Communication—always

2. Reinforcement—always

3. Extinction—not worth it

4. Natural consequences—step out of way of protection

5. Logical consequences—makes sense

6. Physical spanking—when all methods have failed

Help I’m a Parent, Bruce Narramore


Punishment and DisciplineHelp I’m a Parent, Bruce Narramore

Purpose

Focus

Attitude

Resulting Emotion in Child

To inflict penalty for an offense

Past misdeeds

Hostility and frustration on the part of the parent

Fear and guilt

To train for correction and maturity

Future correct deeds

Love and concern on the part of the parent

Security


Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:6

Train—both dedicate and to broadly instruct in conduct and behavior, including both principles and ritual (LN)

Child—lad, adolescent, young man

In the way—“according to his way” (Waltke) Very important phrase; way = bent (pertaining to the shape of a bow); journey, story (LN) also picks up his thrust!


Everyone who has two or more children, or has grown up in a home of one or more brothers and sisters, knows a lot about the uniqueness of each child.

Here we see 2 things:

1. Each child has his or her own unique bent—set of abilities and skills.

2. That unique bent, and life thrust, needs to be morally shaped by the training and discipline of the parents.


Semantic range

“pertaining to the shape of a bow ready to shoot”; “lead, guide, or cause another to follow a person or course” (LN); also his enterprise, strength, situation, manner, journey (story) (KB); work (BDB); thrust is in it as well (BDB)

An adolescent is in mind here.

How do we go about doing this?

SIMA is an excellent tool! 3-year process available.


How do we go about doing this?

Suggestions:

1. Pay attention to your children’s unique designs as seen in their achievements (Ask: What do they enjoy? What are they good at?) Encourage and cultivate.

2. Art is looking into a reprint of Born to Fly.

3. Pay for sending kids through SIMA process in 11th grade.


Mini-SIMA Reader (on your kids)

1. “Decode Your Kid’s Code,” Max Lucado

2. “What Shape Are Your Child’s Wings?” Thom Black

3. “Perceiving Consistencies,” Ralph Mattson and Thom Black

4. “Prepare Your Children for Their LifeWork,” Marlys Hanson


A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man despises his mother.

Pr 15:20To have a fool for a son brings grief; there is no joy for the father of a fool.

Pr 17:21A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the one who bore him.

Pr 17:25He who robs his father and drives out his mother is a son who brings shame and disgrace.

Pr 19:26

Discipline of Children

A proverb on discipline of children shows an aspect of the discipline process.

A collection of proverbs on discipline show the rather complete picture (idea) of

discipline of children.

A fully developed idea shapes our lives, families, and destinies.

Great Books—Syntopicon—101 great ideas.Proverbs—65 great ideas—God’s core. We must

master them

Essence of Discipline of ChildrenThe Great Idea of Discipline of Children

1. The heart of discipline is a well coordinated balance between the mother (socialization base) and the father (dialogue with authority).

2. Our discipline method must grow with our children—discipline to teaching to transitional dialogue.

3. One of our main jobs as our kids mature is to keep them on the right path, rooted in an approach that leads them to work at choosing the right path.


4. Careful discipline calls for the quick use of authority as a shaping control, which wards off trouble and seeks to gain insight into a problem.

5. Lack of discipline will lead to seeing the eventually death of the souls of our children—their lights going out.

6. Severe discipline may be needed for our teens to break into their private rooms.

7. Each emerging adult has his or her own unique shape and thrust toward an adult lifework. We must help train him around that—shaped morally and spiritually.


8. Failure to attend to the training and discipline process will result in disgrace, loss of joy, and bitterness.

9. Careful investment in training and discipline will result in joy, peace, and delight in your soul.

A. Importance of Character

B. Character Traits

C. Character Types

D. Plans/Decision Making/ God’s Sovereignty

E. Role of Reproof and Discipline

F. Mental Acumen

Using this guide, go to Part I and pick one individual proverb.

Front of Life Cycle Guide— Proverbs Worksheet

Cycle 3: Young & Middle AdulthoodProverbs Worksheet

Proverb __22:6________Date __________________

Explanation of Proverb:

Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:6Issue & Questions:

Issue: A child’s unique bent

Questions:1. Why is it important to train identify the unique shape/bent

of each of our children, and consider that bent as we train them?

2. What might happen to children who are trained according to their bent and yet not shaped morally?

3. Why might the combination of these two make it likely that this path would be a lifelong compass?

Life Situation

Accuracy of SIMA process

Projects

Introduce SIMA program to churchEstablish an Ames LifeWork apprenticeship for youth 12–18

Memory Verse

Category Proverb

Long-term prayer request and answers

Front of 3 x 5 Memory Card

Back of 3 x 5 Memory Card

Back of Life Cycle Guide—Proverbs Worksheet

“If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Luke 11:13

session 9: instruction/discipline of children

Documents

body of instruction

fathers instruction

lifelong pursuit of

wisdom body of literature

skillful lifeliving

rebuke teaching

mothers teaching

key words