read an excerpt of shopaholic to the stars by sophie kinsella

8/11/2019 Read an excerpt of SHOPAHOLIC TO THE STARS by Sophie Kinsella

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BY SOPHIE KINSELLA

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Shopaholic Takes Manhattan

Shopaholic Ties the KnotCan You Keep A Secret?

Shopaholic & Sister

The Undomestic Goddess

Shopaholic & BabyMini Shopaholic

Remember Me?

Twenties Girl

Wedding Night


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This is an uncorrected eBook file.

Shopaholic to the Stars is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the products of the authors

imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely

coincidental.

yright 2014 by Sophie Kinsella

ights reserved.

lished in the United States by The Dial Press, an imprint of Random House, a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random

se Company, New York.

L P RESS and the H OUSE colophon are registered trademarks of Random House LLC.

N 978-0-8129-9386-8ok ISBN 978-0-8129-9387-5

w.dialpress.com

k design by Dana Leigh Blanchette


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Contentsover

y Sophie Kinsella

le Page

pyright Page

Prologue

One

Two


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Dear Mrs. Brandon,

Thank you for your letter. Im glad you enjoyed your recent visit to

our store.

Unfortunately, I cannot comment on whether the woman shopping

at the MAC counter on Tuesday was Uma Thurman wearing a long

dark wig. I therefore cannot tell you exactly which lipstick she

bought or whether shes just as lovely in real life or pass on your

note because she must want a friend to hang out with and I think

wed really get on.

I wish you all the best for your forthcoming move to Los Angeles.

However, in answer to your other query, we do not o er

introductory discounts for new residents of L.A. to make them feelwelcome.

Thank you for your interest.

Mary Eglantine

Customer Service Department


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Dear Mrs. Brandon,

Thank you for your letterIm glad you enjoyed your recent visit to

our spa.

Unfortunately, I cannot comment on whether the woman in the

front row in your yoga class was Gwyneth Paltrow. Im sorry that it

was hard to tell because she was always upside down.

I therefore cannot pass on your query as to how she achieves such

a perfect headstand or whether she has special weights in her T-

shirt, nor can I pass on your invitation to an organic tea with kale

cakes.

Im glad you enjoyed our gift-and-lifestyle shop. In answer to your

further question, should I meet your husband in the street, restassured I will not tell him about your tiny splurge on organic

underwear.

Thank you for your interest.

Kyle Heiling

Achievement Manager (Eastern Arts)


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e restraining power of normal spandex. You totally lose a size, right?

Maybe I have, but Ive also lost half my lung capacity.

Are you doing OK with the straps? comes Mindys voice. You want me

come in the fitting room and help you adjust them?

Come in the fitting room? Theres no way Im letting a tall, tanned, sportyngeleno come in here and see my cellulite.

No, its fine, thanks! I squawk.

You need some help getting it o ? she tries again. Some of our

stomers find it tricky the first time.

I have a hideous vision of me gripping the counter and Mindy trying to

ul the All-in-One o me while we both pant and sweat with the e ort and

indy secretly thinks, I knew all British girls were heifers.

No way. Not in a million years. Theres only one solution left. Ill have to

y it. Whatever it costs.

I give an almighty wrench and manage to snap two of the straps up onto

y shoulders. Thats better. I look like a chicken trussed up in black Lycra,

t at least I can move my arms. As soon as I get back to the hotel room, Ill

t the whole thing o myself with a pair of nail scissors and dispose of the

mains in a public bin so Luke doesnt nd them and say Whats this? or

ou mean you bought it even though you knew it didnt t? or something

se really annoying.

Luke is my husband, and hes the reason Im standing in a sports-apparel

op in L.A. Were moving out to Los Angeles as soon as possible because of

s work, and were here on an urgent house-hunting trip. Thats our focus


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s week: Real estate. Houses. Gardens. Rental agreements. Very much so.

ve only popped to Rodeo Drive very, very quickly between house

pointments.

Well, OK. The truth is, I canceled a house appointment to come to Rodeo

ive. But I had to. I have a genuine reason for needing to buy somemergency running clothes, which is that Im running in a race tomorrow

ernoon. A real race! Me!

I reach for my clothes, grab my bag, and walk sti y out of the cubicle, to

e Mindy hovering nearby.

Wow! Her voice is bright but her eyes are shocked. You look Sheughs. Awesome. Its not too tight?

No, its perfect, I say, attempting a carefree smile. Ill take it.

Great! She can barely hide her astonishment. So, if you want to take it

f, Ill scan it for you.

Actually, Ill wear it. I try to sound casual. Might as well. Can you put

y clothes in a bag?

Right, says Mindy. Theres quite a long pause. Youre sure you dont

ant to try the size six?

No! Size four is perfect! Really comfy!

OK, says Mindy after a silence. Of course. Thatll be eighty-three

llars. She scans the bar code on the tag hanging from my neck, and I

ach for my credit card. So, youre into athletics?

Actually, Im running in the Ten Miler tomorrow.

No way! She looks up, impressed, and I try to appear nonchalant and


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odest. The Ten Miler isnt just any old running race. Its the race. Its held

ery year in L.A., and loads of high-pro le celebrities run it, and they even

ver it on E! And Im in it!

How did you get a place? Mindy says enviously. Ive applied for that

ce, like, every year.Well. I pause for effect. Im on Sage Seymours team.

Wow. Her jaw drops, and I feel a spurt of glee. Its true! I, Becky

andon (ne Bloomwood), am running on the team of a top movie star!

ell do calf stretches together! Well wear matching baseball caps! Well be

Us Weekly!Youre British, right? Mindy interrupts my thoughts.

Yes, but Im moving to L.A. soon. Im out here to look at houses with my

sband, Luke. He has a PR company and he works with Sage Seymour, I

nt help adding proudly.

Mindy looks more and more impressed. So are you and Sage Seymour,

e, friends?

I ddle with my purse, delaying my reply. The truth is, despite all my

pes, Sage Seymour and I arent exactly friends. In fact, the real truth is, I

ll havent met her. Which is so unfair. Lukes been working with her for

es, and Ive already been out to L.A. once for a job interview and now Im

t here again, nding a house and a preschool for our daughter,

innie but have I even glimpsed Sage?

When Luke said he was going to work with Sage Seymour and we were

ing to move to Hollywood, I thought wed be seeing her every day. I


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ought wed be hanging out by her pink pool in matching sunglasses and

ing for mani-pedis together. But even Luke hardly ever seems to see her;

just has meetings with managers and agents and producers all day long.

e says hes learning the movie business and its a steep learning curve.

hich is fair enough, because previously hes only advised nancial

mpanies and big conglomerates. But does he have to be so resolutely non-

arry-eyed? When I got a tiny bit frustrated the other day, he said, For

ods sake, Becky, were not making this huge move just to meet

lebrities. He said celebrities like he was saying earwigs. He

derstands nothing.

The great thing about Luke and me is that we think alike on nearly

erything in life, and thats why were so happily married. But we have just

ew teeny points of disagreement. Such as:

1. Catalogs. (They are not clutter. Theyre useful. You never know

hen you might need a personalized kitchen blackboard with a dinky littlecket for the chalk. Plus I like reading them at bedtime.)

2. Shoes. (Keeping all my shoes in their original boxes forever is not

diculous; its thrifty. Theyll come back into fashion one day and then

innie can wear them. And, meanwhile, he should look where hes

epping.)3. Elinor, his mother. (Long, long story.)

4. Celebrities.

I mean, here we are in L.A. The home of celebrities. Theyre the local

tural phenomenon. Everyone knows you come to L.A. to see the

lebrities, like you go to Sri Lanka to see the elephants.


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But Luke didnt gasp when we saw Tom Hanks in the lobby of the Beverly

ilshire. He didnt blink when Halle Berry was sitting three tables away at

he Ivy (I think it was Halle Berry). He didnt even get excited when we

w Reese Witherspoon across the road. (Im sure it was Reese

itherspoon. She had exactly the same hair.)

And he talks about Sage as if shes just another client. Like shes Foreland

vestments. He says that this is what she appreciates about him: that hes

t part of the circus. And then he says Im getting overexcited by all the

ollywood hoopla. Which is totally untrue. I am not overexcited. Im

actly the right amount excited.Privately, Im disappointed in Sage too. I mean, OK, we dont exactly

ow each other, but we did speak on the phone when she was helping me

th a surprise party for Luke. (Although shes got a new number, and Luke

ont give it to me.) I would have thought she might be in touch, or invite

e round to her house for a sleepover, or something.Anyway, never mind. Itll all come good tomorrow. I dont want to boast,

t its totally due to my own quick wits that Im in this Ten Miler race. I

st happened to be looking over Lukes shoulder at his laptop yesterday

hen a round-robin email came in from Sages manager, Aran. It was

titled First come rst served and read: Dear friends, theres a last-minuteace available on the Ten Miler team due to an injury dropoutanyone

erested in running and supporting Sage?

My hands were on the keyboard, pressing REPLY and typing, Yes, please!

ould love to run with Sage! Best wishes, Becky Brandon, before I was

en aware I was moving.


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OK, so maybe I should have consulted Luke before pressing SEND. Bu

as first come first served. I had to act fast!

Luke just stared at me and said, Are you nuts? Then he started going on

out how this was a proper race for trained athletes, and who was going to

onsor me, and did I even possess any running shoes? Honestly. He couldmore supportive.

Although, actually, he has a point about the running shoes.

So, are you in the movie business too? Mindy asks as she hands me the

ceipt to sign.

No, Im a personal shopper.

Oh, OK. Which store?

Its actually, its Dalawear.

Oh. She looks taken aback. You mean, the store for

Older women. Yes. I lift my chin. Its a great store. Its really exciting. Int wait!

Im being super-positive about this job, even though its not exactly my

eam. Dalawear sells easy-wear clothes for ladies who rate comfort

er style. (It actually says that on the poster. I might try to persuade them

change it to comfort as much as style.) When I went to the interview,e woman kept talking about elasticated waistbands and washable fabrics

d not once about directional fashion. Or even fashion.

But the truth is, there arent that many personal-shopping jobs popping up

L.A. at the last minute for a newly arrived Brit. Especially a Brit who may

ly be in the country for three months. Dalawear was the only store that


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d an opening, because of a maternity leave. And I rocked the interview,

ough I say it myself. I enthused about their all-purpose oral shirtwaist

esses so much, I almost wanted to buy one for myself.

Can I please buy some running shoes too? I change the subject. I cant

actly run in these! I gesture at my Marc Jacobs kitten heels with a littleugh. (For the record, I did once climb an entire mountain in a pair of

oes just like these. But I mentioned that to Luke yesterday as proof of my

hletic ability and he shuddered and said hed blanked that whole incident

om his memory.)

Sure. Mindy nods. Youll want our technical store, Pump! Its rightross the street. They stock all the shoes, equipment, heart-rate

onitors Did you get a biomechanical assessment in the UK?

I look at her blankly. A bio-what?

Talk to the guys across the street; theyll get you set up. She hands me a

rrier bag holding my clothes. You must be super- t. Ive worked out withge Seymours trainer. Shes hard-core. And Ive heard about the team

gimen. Didnt you, like, go to Arizona for training?

This conversation is unnerving me a tad. Hard-core? Team regimen?

nyway, I mustnt lose con dence. Im perfectly t enough to run a race,

en if it is in L.A.

I havent been on the regimen exactly, I admit. But obviously I have

y own er cardio program thing.

Ill be fine. Its just running. How hard can it be?

s I head back out to Rodeo Drive, I feel a swoosh of exhilaration as the


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arm spring air hits me. Im going to love living in L.A.; I just know it.

verything people say about it is true. The sun shines and the people have

per-white teeth and the houses look like lm sets. Ive looked at several

uses for rent and they all have pools. Its as if a pool is a normal thing,

e a fridge.

The street around me simply glistens with glamour. Its lined with

pensive, shiny shopfronts and perfect palm trees and rows of expensive-

oking cars. Cars are a whole di erent thing here. People drive by in their

lorful convertibles with the roof down, looking all relaxed and friendly, as

you might stroll up to them while theyre pausing at the light and start anversation. Its the opposite of Britain, where everyones in their own

lf-contained metal box, swearing at the rain.

Sunlight is glinting o all the shop windows and sunglasses and expensive

atches on peoples wrists. Outside Dolce & Gabbana, a woman is piling a

hole load of bags into a car, and she looks just like Julia Roberts exceptth blonder hair. And a bit smaller. But apart from that, just like Julia

oberts! On Rodeo Drive!

Im just trying to edge closer to see what bags shes got when my phone

zzes, and I pull it out to see Gayle on the screen. Gayle is my new boss at

alawear, and were having a meeting tomorrow morning.Hi, Gayle! I say in cheerful, professional tones. Did you get my

essage? Are we still on for tomorrow?

Hi, Rebecca. Yes, were all good at this end She pauses. Except for

e hitch. We still didnt get your reference from Danny Kovitz.

Oh, right. Drat. Danny is one of my best friends and is quite a famous


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shion designer. He promised to give me a reference for Dalawear, only its

en ages now and he hasnt done anything about it. I texted him yesterday

d he promised he would send an email within the hour. I cant believe he

snt.

Actually, thats not true. I can totally believe it.Ill call him, I promise. Sorry about that.

The truth is, I never should have asked Danny for a reference. But I

ought it sounded so cool, having a top fashion designer on my rsum.

nd Im sure it helped. They couldnt stop asking me about him in the

erview.Rebecca Gayle pauses delicately. You do know Mr. Kovitz? You

ve met him?

She doesnt believe me?

Of course I know him! Look, leave it with me. Ill get the reference. Im

ally sorry for the delay. See you tomorrow.

I end the call and instantly speed-dial Danny, trying to stay calm. Theres

point getting cross with Danny; he just wriggles and becomes all

aintive.

Oh my God, Becky. Danny answers the phone as though were mid-

nversation. You would not believe what I need for this trek. Its, like,

ho knew you could get freeze-dried lasagna? And I have the cutest little

akettle; you have to get one.

This is why Danny is even more distracted than usual at the moment. Hes

out to start training to do some celebrity charity expedition across the


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eenland ice sheet. Every single person who knows Danny has told him

s mad, but hes adamant hes going to do it. He keeps saying he wants to

ut something back, but we all know its because he fancies Damon, the

ad singer from Boyz About, whos also doing it.

Although how you get it together with someone on a Greenlandpedition, I have no idea. I mean, can you even kiss? Do your lips stick

gether in the freezing air? How do Eskimos manage?

Danny, I say sternly, wrenching my mind away from an image of two

kimos stuck together on their wedding day, ailing their arms to break

ee. Danny, what about my reference?Sure, says Danny without missing a beat. Im on it. How many pairs of

ermal underwear should I take?

Youre not on it! You promised youd send it yesterday! Ive got to go

d see them tomorrow and they dont believe I even know you!

Well, of course you know me, he says, as though Im an idiot.

They dont know that! This is my only chance of a job in L.A., and I have

have a reference. Danny, if you cant do it, just tell me and Ill ask

meone else.

Someone else? Only Danny can manage to sound mortally o ended

hen hes in the wrong. Why would you ask someone else?

Because they might actually do it! I sigh, trying to stay patient. Look,

you need to do is send a little email. Ill dictate it, if you like. Dear Gayle,

can recommend Rebecca Brandon as a personal shopper. Signed, Danny

ovitz. Theres silence down the phone, and I wonder if hes taking notes.


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Did you get that? Did you write it down?

No, I didnt write it down. Danny sounds indignant. That is the

ummiest reference I ever heard. You think thats all I have to say about

u?

WellI dont give out personal references unless I mean them. Unless Ive

afted them. A reference is an art form.

But

You want a reference, Ill come and give you a reference.

What do you mean? I say, confused.

Im not writing three crappy lines on an email. Im coming to L.A.

You cant come to L.A. just to give me a reference! I start to giggle.

Where are you, anyway? New York?

Since Danny hit the big time, its impossible to know where hell be at anyoment. Hes opened three new showrooms this year alone, including one

the Beverly Center here in L.A. Which youd think would tie him down,

t hes always scouting out yet more new cities or going on inspirational

search trips (holidays).

San Francisco. I was coming anyway. I need to buy sunblock. I alwayst my sunblock in L.A. Text me the details. Ill be there.

But

Itll be great. You can help me choose a name for my husky dog. We

ch get to sponsor one, but I may sponsor a whole team. Its going to be,

e, such a life-changing experience.


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Once Danny starts talking about life-changing experiences, its hard to cut

m o . Ill give him twenty minutes to talk about Greenland, I decide.

aybe twenty-five. And then I must go and buy my trainers.


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TwoK, I o cially have the coolest running shoes in the world. Theyre silver

th orange stripes and they have gel bits and mesh bits and I want to wear

em all day long.

This sports shop is incredible! You dont just buy a pair of trainers here.

ou dont just put them on and walk around and say, Ill take them, and

en throw six pairs of sports socks into your basket as well because theyre

sale. Oh no. Its all very technical. You do a special running test on a

admill, and they take a video and tell you all about your gait and nd

e perfect solution for your athletic needs.

Why dont they do this at Jimmy Choo? They should have a little catwalk

here you walk along to cool music and maybe strobe lighting, and theyd

ke a video. And then the expert would say, We feel the black-and-white

letto perfectly suits your awesome supermodel gait. And then youd take

e video home to show all your friends. I am so suggesting it next time Im

there.

So heres the heart monitor I was telling you about. The sales

sistant, Kai, reappears, holding a little metal and rubber bracelet. Like I

id, its our most discreet model, new to the market. Im excited to hear

ur opinion.

Cool! I beam at him and put it on my wrist.

Kai has asked if Id like to join in a customer study of this new heart

onitor, and why not? The only sticky moment was when he asked what

art monitor I was using currently and I didnt like to say none, so I said


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he Curve and then realized thats Lukes new BlackBerry.

Would you like some more coconut water before you start?

More coconut water. Thats so L.A. Everything in this shop is so L.A. Kai

mself is ripped and tanned and has exactly the optimum amount of

ubble and bright turquoise eyes, which Im sure are lenses. He looks soe Jared Leto that I wonder whether he went to a surgeon with a picture

rn out of Us Weekly and said, This one, please.

Hes already dropped into conversation that: 1. Hes modeled for Sports

ustrated. 2. Hes working on a script about a sportswear consultant who

comes a movie star. 3. He won Ohios Best Pecs three years running ands had his pecs specially insured. He asked me within about thirty seconds

hether I worked in the lm industry, and when I said no, but my husband

d, he gave me a card and said, Id love to meet with him to discuss a

nture he might be interested in. The idea of Kai and Luke sitting at a

ble discussing his pecs nearly made me snort out my coconut water.So if youll kindly step up here. Kai ushers me onto the treadmill. Ill

taking a record of your heart rate, so well raise it with some aerobic

tivity and then lower it with rest periods. Just follow the treadmill and

ull be fine.

Great! As I step up, I notice a massive rack of exercise clothes beingheeled onto the shop oor by two sales assistants. Wow. They look

mazingall di erent shades of purples and grays, with abstract logos and

ally interesting shapes.

Whats that? I ask Kai as the treadmill starts to move gently along.


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st.

Actually, I need to leave, I say breathlessly, grabbing my handbag and

opping basket. Thanks. If I need a heart monitor Ill de nitely get this

e, but I must go

Rebecca, have you ever been diagnosed with arrhythmia? Heartsorder? Anything like that?

No. Im stopped in my tracks. Why? Have you picked something up?

Is he joking? No. His face is serious. He isnt joking. Im gripped with

ght. What have I got? Oh my God, Ill be in the Daily Mail health pages.

My one-in-a-million heart condition was picked up in a simple exerciseore test. Shopping saved my life, says Rebecca Brandon

Your heart response wasnt typical. It spiked, but not at the moments I

as expecting. For example, it spiked just now when you were resting.

Oh, I say anxiously. Is that bad?

Not necessarily. It would depend on a lot of things. Your general heart

alth, your cardio fitness

As hes talking, my eye wanders over to the sale rack again, and to my

rror I see that one of the girls has picked up my cardigan. No! Noooo! Put

down!

Its happened again! says Kai in sudden animation, and points at the

reen. Do you see? Your heart rate rocketed!

I look at Kai, and at the screen, and then at the cardigan with the neon-

nk zip, and it all falls into place. Oh God, is that why my heart rate

omed up?


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ddenly I realize Im not being very tactful. I mean, youre very good-

oking too, I add encouragingly. Im sure Id be attracted to you if it

erent for the cardigan.

Theres a pause. Kai looks slightly stunned, to be honest. Even his

rquoise contact lenses seem a bit less sparkly.Youd be attracted to me if it werent for the cardigan, he echoes at

t.

Of course! I say reassuringly. Id probably get infatuated, just like

ose clients of yours. Unless there were any other amazing clothes to

mpete with, I add, for honestys sake. I mean, like a Chanel suit onnety-nine percent sale. I dont think any man could beat that! I give a

tle laugh, but Kais face has gone a bit rigid.

I never had to compete with clothes before, he says, almost to himself.

lothes.

Im noticing that the atmosphere isnt quite as easy and fun as it was

fore. I think I might just go and pay for my trainers.

Thanks for the heart test, anyway! I say brightly, and take o the

acelet. Good luck with the pecs!

onestly. What a bighead that Kai is. I know he has stunning turquoise eyesd a great body, but he doesnt have a neon zip, does he? Lots of men

ve stunning blue eyes, but only one cardigan has a cool oversize neon-

nk zip. And if he thinks hes never competed with clothes before, then his

rlfriends have been lying to him. Every woman in the world sometimes

nks about shoes in the middle of sex. Its a well-known fact.


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Anyway. Dont think about stupid Kai. On the positive front, Ive got the

st, most whizzy trainers in the world. And, OK, they cost four hundred

llars, which is a lot, but Ill just have to think of this as an investment in

y career. In my life.

So, Ill box those for you, says the sales assistant, and I nod absently.m imagining standing at the start of the race with Sage and her glancing

wn at my feet and saying, Cool shoes.

Ill give her a friendly smile and reply carelessly, Thanks.

Then shell say, Luke never told me you were such a serious athlete,

ecky.And Ill say, Are you kidding? I love running. (Which isnt quite true yet,

t Im sure it will be. Once I start this race, the endorphins will kick in and

l probably become addicted.)

Then Sage will say, Hey, we should train together! Lets meet up every

orning.

And Ill say, Sure, very nonchalantly.

Then shell say, I train with some friends, but youll love them; do you

ow Kate Hudson and Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz and

Will you be paying by credit or cash, maam?

I blink at the assistant and fumble for my card. Oh. Right. Credit.

And did you choose your water bottle? the sales assistant adds.

Im sorry?

Were o ering a free bottle with every shoe purchase. He gestures at a

arby poster.


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Well. This four hundred dollars seems more and more of a bargain.

Ill just have a look. Thanks! I beam at him and head toward the display

bottles. Maybe if Im carrying a cool bottle, Sage will notice that too!

heres a whole wall of themchrome, matte black, and all sorts of silicon

lors. As my eye travels upward, I spot a label: L IMITED EDITION PRINuint, trying to seebut theyre on the fth shelf. Honestly. Why would

u put the limited-edition-print bottles on the fifth shelf?

Theres a stepladder nearby, so I drag it over and climb to the top. Now I

n see the bottles properly, and theyre amazing: all with gorgeous retro

ints. I can hardly bear to choosebut in the end I narrow it down toree: one with red stripes, one with amber swirls, and one with black and

hite owers. Ill pay for the extra ones, I decide, because I can give one

ch to Minnie and Suze as souvenirs.

I carefully put the bottles down on the top step of the ladder and turn to

rvey the shop. I have an amazing view up here. I can see all the aisles,d I can see that the woman at the cash register needs her roots touched

, and I can see

What?

Wait a minute.

I stiffen in disbelief and peer more closely.

In the far corner, theres a girl I hadnt noticed before. Shes incredibly

n, wearing pale skinny jeans, a gray hoodie up over her head, and dark

asses that hide her face. And no wonder shes dressed so furtively. Because

es stealing.


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I stare in utter shock as I see her putting a pair of socks into her oversize

ndbag (Balenciaga, this season), and then another. Then a third. Then she

oks around, kind of shrinks down into herself, and walks swiftly toward

e exit.

Ive never seen a shoplifter in action before, and for an instant I feelunned. But next moment a boiling outrage is rising through me. She took

em! She shoplifted! She shouldnt do that! People shouldnt do that!

What if we all did that? I mean, I bet wed all like to have free socks, but

e dont just take them, do we? We pay. Even if we cant really a ord it,

e pay.My stomach is churning as I watch her leave. I feel really angry. Its not

r. And suddenly I know I cant just let her go. I have to do something. Im

t sure whatbut something.

Leaving the water bottles behind, I bound down the ladder and out of the

op door. I can see the shoplifter ahead of me, and I increase my pace to an, dodging pedestrians as I go. As I get near, my heart is thumping with

prehension. What if she threatens me? What if shes got a gun? Oh God,

course shes got a gun. This is L.A. Everyone has guns.

Well, too bad. Maybe I will get shot, but I cant wimp out now. I reach

t a hand and tap her on her bony shoulder.

Excuse me?

The girl whips round and I tense in fright, waiting for the gun. But it

esnt come. Her sunglasses are so huge I can barely see her face, but I

ake out a thin, pale chin and a scrawny, almost malnourished neck. I feel


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sudden stab of guilt. Maybe shes on the streets. Maybe this is her only

urce of income. Maybe shes going to sell the socks to buy food for her

ack-addict baby.

Part of me is thinking, Just turn away, Becky. Let it go. But the other part

ont let me. Because even if theres a crack-addict baby, its wrong. Itsong.

I saw you, OK? I say. I saw you taking those socks.

The girl immediately sti ens and makes to run away, but I instinctively

ab her arm.

You shouldnt steal stu ! I say, struggling to keep hold of her. You justouldnt! You probably think, So what? No one got hurt. But, you know,

op assistants get in trouble when people shoplift. Sometimes they have to

y for the goods from their wages. Is that fair?

The girl is wriggling desperately to get away, but Im gripping on to her

m with both hands. As the mother of a two-year-old, you learn a lot of

mobilization skills.

And then all the prices go up, I add, panting. And everyone su ers! I

ow you might think its your only option, but its not. You can turn your

e around. There are places you can go for help. Do you have a pimp? I

d, trying to sound sympathetic. Because I know they can be a real pain.

ut you could go to a safe house. I saw a documentary about it, and theyre

illiant. Im about to elaborate when the girls sunglasses slip to one side.

nd I glimpse the side of her face.

And suddenly I feel faint. I cant breathe. Thats


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No. It cant be.

It is. It is.

Its Lois Kellerton.

All thoughts of crack addicts and safe houses disappear from my head.

his is surreal. It cant be happening. It has to be a dream. I, Becky Brandon,m clutching the arm of top Hollywood actress Lois Kellerton. As I peer at

r unmistakable jawline, my legs start to shake. I mean, Lois Kellerton. Ive

en all her films and Ive watched her on the red carpet and Ive

But what

I mean, what on earth

Lois Kellerton shoplifted three pairs of socks? Is this some kind of prank

ow?

For what seems like the longest moment, were both motionless, staring at

ch other. Im remembering her as Tess in that brilliant adaptation of Tess

the DUrbervilles. God, she made me cry. And there was that sci- one

here she got deliberately stranded on Mars at the end in order to save her

lf-alien children. I cried buckets, and so did Suze.

I clear my throat, trying to gather my thoughts. I I know who you

Please, she cuts me o in that familiar husky voice. Please. She takesher dark glasses and I stare at her in fresh shock. She looks terrible. Her

es are red-rimmed and her skin is all flaky. Please, she says a third time.

m Im so sorry. Im so sorry. Are you employed by the store?

No. Im a customer. I was up a ladder.

Did they see me?


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I dont know. I dont think so.

With a trembling hand, she grabs the three pairs of socks from her bag

d offers them to me.

I dont know what I was doing. I havent slept for two nights. I think I

ent a little crazy. I never did anything like this before. I never will again.ease, she whispers again, shrinking inside her hoodie. Take the socks.

ke them back.

Me?

Please. She sounds desperate. At last, awkwardly, I take the socks from

r.

Here. Shes scrabbling in her bag again and produces a fty-dollar note.

Give this to the employees.

You look quite um stressed, I venture. Are you OK?

Lois Kellerton raises her head and meets my eyes, and Im suddenly

minded of a leopard I once saw in a Spanish zoo. That looked desperate

o.

Are you going to tell the police? she breathes, so quietly I can barely

ar her. Are you going to tell anyone?

Oh God. Oh God. What do I do?I put the socks in my bag, playing for time. I should tell the police. Of

urse I should. What di erence does it make if its a movie star? She stole

e socks and thats a crime, and I should perform a citizens arrest right

w and march her off for justice.

But I cant. I just cant. She looks so fragile. Like a moth or a paper


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wer. And after all, shes giving the socks back, and shes making a

nation, and it sounds like she just had a moment of madness.

Lois Kellertons head is bowed. Her face is hidden inside the gray hood.

e looks as though shes waiting for an execution.

I wont tell anyone, I say at last. I promise. Ill give the socks back andwont tell anyone.

As I release my grip on her, her thin hand squeezes mine. Her dark glasses

e already back on her face. She looks like an anonymous skinny girl in a

odie.

Thank you, she whispers. Thank you. Whats your name?

Becky! I reply eagerly. Becky Bloomwood. I mean, Brandon. I was

oomwood but I got married, so my name changed. Argh. Stop

bbling. Um, Becky, I finish lamely.

Thank you, Becky.

And before I can say anything, shes turned and gone.


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read an excerpt of shopaholic to the stars by sophie kinsella

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