Positive Discipline

Objectives:• Discuss the meaning of discipline and the difference

between discipline and punishment.• Review, discuss and experience the three discipline styles.• Discuss and practice the seven principles of positive

discipline, using scenarios.

“Spilled Milk”You are sitting around a dinner

table and two year old Johnny is present. Johnny’s mother gives the boy a tall glass of milk. Before dinner has even begun, Johnny reaches for the glass of milk and sends it tumbling over. Mommy patiently wipes it up and returns with another glass of milk.

Dinner begins and Johnny is still thirsty. Again, he reaches for his glass of milk and as he brings it to his mouth it spills all down the front of him. Mommy wipes up the milk and cleans up Johnny. Again Mommy fills the glass of milk and returns to her own plate.

Only seconds after Mommy has been seated, Johnny reaches for a roll and the glass of milk topples and spills. Mommy cleans it up and fills the glass again.

Just then Johnny decides he does not like squash and with a disgusted grunt he pushes his plate away, bumping the glass over one more time, spilling it all over the table and getting others wet this time. Mommy is embarrassed and apologizes to those present, then wipes up the mess and fills Johnny’s glass.

Johnny is getting tired and decides he does not want milk to drink but soda pop instead. When Mommy informs him that he will have to finish his dinner and his milk before getting soda pop, Johnny gets angry and throws the glass of milk on the floor, splashing milk all over everyone and the floor.

• At what point in the story would you have become angered if you were a guest?

• If you were the parent, at what point in the story would you have become angered?

• What would you have done in this situation?

What is Discipline?O The task of helping children learn to

behave in acceptable ways.O Discipline is a way of teaching and

training what is OK and what is notO Teaching discipline leads to:

O Self DisciplineO Inner ControlO The ability to self-regulate

What is Punishment?O It is what we to do to a child who

knows a behavior is wrong and chooses to do it anyway.O It is the consequence of an

action/behavior

Focus on Positive Discipline

O Discipline is NOT a Dirty word!1. Tell children what they can do2. Help children feel lovable and capabl

e3. Offer acceptable choices (ones you c

an abide by)4. Change the environment 5. Work with children, not against them6. Give children safe limits they unders

tand7. Set a good example Skip Ahead

1. Tell Children What They CAN Do….

O Focus on the positive rather than the negative.O Replace: “Stop Running” with “Let’s

Walk Inside” or “Shut up!” with “Mommy is talking, wait until she is finished and then you can talk when it is your turn”.

Go Back

2. Help Children Feel Lovable and Capable

O Protect and preserve children’s feelings

O Assist a child in feeling capable of functioning in this world. O Provide support O ScaffoldingO Encouragement

O Have a YOU CAN DO IT attitude

Go Back

3. Offer acceptable choices (ones you can abide by)

O Allow the child to feel in control by offering acceptable choices.

O Instead of “what would you like to do this evening?” which a child might respond, go out for ice cream, stay up late, etc.O SAY: “We can go outside and play for 30 minutes for you

can do an arts and crafts project, which would you rather?”Others: Milk or Juice?Applesauce or Yogurt?This shirt or that one?Bath or Shower?3 Books or 4 Books at bedtime?

Go Back

4. Change the environment

O Example: instead of saying “no, no” to many objects in the home, put the “no, no’s” up high where a child can explore safely.

O A child is having trouble going to the potty on their own. Provide them with a stool to climb on or a removable potty seat.

Go Back

5. Work with children, not against them.

O Young children have no concept of time. It is the parents job to teach a child time management.O If your child is making you late (which they will),

instead of yelling at them try helping them along.O Mommy will put on one of your shoes, then you

can do the other oneO See if you can beat me to the door, ready, set, go!O Watch the child to see if he/she is struggling: say:

daddy sees that you are getting frustrated with that puzzle, can I help you find the corner pieces?

Go Back

6. Give children safe limits they can understand.

O Recognize a child’s feelings without accepting the negative behaviorO Maintain your authorityO “That knife is dangerously sharp, you

may NOT use it. Let’s find one that would be safe.

O Telling the child why a particular rule exists helps a child have a broader knowledge of safety and good behavior.

Go Back

7. Set a good exampleO Speak and act only in ways you want

children to speak and act. O Use kind wordsO Gentle touches (no hitting, grabbing,

etc.)O Respect your child and teach them

how to respect you and the world around them.

Go Back

Characteristics of a Good Disciplinarian

O A person children find interesting and full of good ideas

O A person who is loving and helpfulO A person who makes

developmentally appropriate rules and help children understand and abide by them

O A person who demonstrates appropriate behavior through speech and actions

Guidelines for Setting Limits

O Show the child you understand their need/want/desire

O Acknowledge their feelingsO Make the decision or state the rule

simply and clearlyO Provide alternatives that are

acceptable

Discipline Hint….O Say what you meanO Mean what you say

Do what you say you are going to do

O Keep in mind: Insanity is…continuing to do the same thing and expecting to get different results!!!

The Discipline Continuum

Authoritarian/brick wall (Extreme Left)

Democratic/Backbone

Permissive/Jellyfish (Extreme Right)

Skip to Parenting Styles PowerPoint