LIFE

“Life is a journey of learning and it evolves as a series of experiences”

LIFE’S LEARNING CYCLEIn learning, we get closure and completion and we gain understanding and wisdom.

Humans are successful learners:

108

BUT SOMETIMES WE GET STUCK…

Experience

Learn Reflect

LIFE’S LEARNING CYCLEExperience

Learn Reflect

REFLECTION GETS STUCK

LEARNING CEASES

THERE IS NO CLOSURE OR COMPLETION

THE ANATOMY OF AN EXPERIENCE

EXPERIENCE =

Event + Emotion

Facts + Feelings

FACTS HAPPEN

EVENTS COME AND GO

BUT WHAT ABOUT FEELINGS?

THE FLOW OF FEELINGS

Beginning Middle End

Feelings change effortlessly from one state to another

FEELINGS:

Our ever-changing frame of mind

Our perspective

The way we look at things

What happens when we get stuck?…

FLOW OF FEELINGS-GETTING STUCK

Beginning Middle End

When we get stuck we have 4 options:

1.Get them moving-to resolution

2a). Externalise them -Often at a target

2. Dissociate

The baggage pile represents unfinished issues that we put to the back of our mindsWe file the issues in the:

•Shame folder•Fear folder •Angry folder

2b). Internalise them- put them into the baggage pile

The “baggage pile”

The issues in the baggage pile are from:

Today

Last week

Last month

Last year Last relationship

Age 14

Yesterday

Age 6

THE “BAGGAGE PILE”The issues in the baggage pile are from a variety of sources:

Personal Family Tribal Racial Gender Archetypal

!The trouble is, issues keep flipping up to the surface, especially when there is a trigger!

Triggers reactivate old feelings or outmoded coping strategies.

If there is too much in the baggage pile you sink down into despair

THE DENIAL MECHANISM

FearfulInsecure Neurotic

Emotionally Imbalanced

YIN & YANG (CHINESE COSMOLOGY)

Whatever body we wear, we are all part masculine and part feminine

Men ~ Masculine > Feminine Women ~ Feminine > Masculine

YANG

YIN

•Light

•Hot

•Dry

•Outward-going

•Penetrating

•Dark

•Cool

•Moist

•Receptive

WHY MEN CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME,

AND WOMEN NEVER STOP TALKING!

(Barbara & Allen Pease)

When men are under pressure they:

Invade another country

Drink Alcohol

When women are under pressure they:

Eat chocolate

Go shopping

These are the 4 mechanisms we use to reinforce denial:

1. PROJECTION

2. BLOT OUT

3. DISTRACTION

4. COMFORT BEHAVIOUR

PALLIATIONThe 4 mechanisms we use to reinforce denial:

1.Projection

2.Blot Out

3.Distraction

4.Comfort Behaviour

HABITSCan become Can become

ADDICTIONS

The trouble is, these mechanisms only palliate the issue

They don’t heal the it in the long-term

REFLECTION

Reflection is the process by which we gain:

Completion

Closure

Understanding

Wisdom

Reflection needs: Time, Intention, & Support

Support comes from a variety of sources:

•Life•People•Telling your story•Nature•Music•Exercise•Dance•Ironing/Cleaning