how to have difficult conversations€¦ · how to have difficult conversations how to have...
TRANSCRIPT
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Skill-Building for Effective Activism: How to Have Difficult Conversations
HowtoHaveDifficultConversa8ons
• Youhaveop8ons!Youcan…– Decidenottohaveaconversa8on– Decidetovoiceastance– Decidetoengageinalliancebuilding
• Alloftheseop8onsarevalid.Theyeachusedifferentskills.
• Thisworkshophighlightsskillsinnaviga8ngdifficultconversa8onwiththegoalofalliancebuildinginmind.
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AItudeandApproach
• Offeracalm,relaxed,confident,eventoneofvoice.
• DemonstrateenthusiasmandaItudeofcoopera8on.
• Thinkwellofoneanother.
• Maintaineyecontact.
• Presentfairly&accuratelytheconcernsofbothsides.
• Avoidbinarythinkinginunderstandingcomplexdifferences.
• Lookforcommonground.
• Providesafety,reassurance,andlove.
UnderlyingAssump8ons(NCBI)
• Listeningisnotthesameasagreeing.• Whenwerespondtoapresentsitua8onwithintenseemo8on,weareusuallyac8ngoutofapastunhealeddifficulty.
• Ifyouwishtomoveaconflictforward,thereisnoroomfortwohurtsatthesame8me(parkyourouch).
• Risk-takingandmistakemakingareessen8alforbuildingcloserela8onshipsacrossgrouplines.
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SkillsInvolved
“Seektounderstandbeforeyouseektochange.”
• Listentotheotherperson’spointofviewwiththegoalofrepea8ngbackwhatyouheardaspreciselyaspossible.
• Listenforplaceswhereyouhear“theringinthevoice”–areasofdeepemo8onalresonance
• Askgenuineques8onstoinvitethepersontosharemoreaboutwhattheissuemeanstothem.– Askopen-endedques8onstoseekunderstanding.– Donotusetheques8onstoadvanceyourownposi8on.
Demonstra8on
Scenario1:Onewaytohaveaconversa8on…• Whatdidyouhear?• AItudeandApproach?Scenario2:Anotherwaytohaveaconversa8on…• Whatdidyouhear?• AItudeandApproach?
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TimetoTakeRisksandMakeMistakes
• Inpairs,eachofyouwillhavetheopportunitytobethelistener,thepersonwhoisprac8cingtheskills.
• Thelistener’spartnerwillselectanopeningstatement,andthelistenerwillrepeatbackwhattheysaid.
• Partnerwillbrieflyrespond,andlistenerwillrespondwithareflec8vestatementthathighlightsthe“ringinthevoice,”wherethepersoniscomingfromemo8onally.
• Partnerwillbrieflyrespond,andlistenerwillaskanopen-endedques8ontogathermoreinforma8onaboutwhatthisissuemeanstothem.
Role-Prac8ce(AItudeandApproach)Role-PlayPrac,ceDirec,ons
1. PartnermakesopeningstatementØ [Repeatbackwhatpartnersaid]
2. Partnerbrieflyrespondswiththeirview.Ø [Ringinthevoice]“Soyoufeel
(concerned,frustrated)that…”
3. Partnerbrieflyrespondswiththeirview.Ø [Ques8ontoseekunderstanding]– “Canyoutellmemoreaboutyour
experienceswiththat?”– “Whatconcernsyoumost
about…?”
4. Thenswitchroles.
Sampleopeningstatements• “Everyone’ssayingifpeoplevoted
forTrumpbecausethey’reracists.That’sjustridiculous.I’mnotracist.Ivotedforhispolicies.Thiscountryneedstoturnthingsaround!”
• “Wedon’tneedanymore
immigrantsinthiscountry,especiallyrefugees.We’vegotourownproblemstodealwith.”
• “I’msickoffeelinglikeIcan’tsay
anythingbecausepeoplearesosensi8vetoanyliklethingthatmightoffendthem.ThisPCthingisoutofcontrol.”
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Role-PlayProcessing
• Howdidthatfeelasthelistener?
Con8nuedSkill-Building
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Thankyouforjoiningus!
Feelfreetocontacttheco-facilitatorswithanyques8onsorcomments• AlisonOliver([email protected])
• JefriPalermo([email protected])