Handling People

Understanding People ForewordThis material was inspired by a short conversation with Major Romeo Asuncion, the corps officer of The Salvation Army, Urdaneta Corps. We discussed about people with different personality, how they were handled in order and ways to make them effective in the ministry. We discussed in passing about personality theories and we have agreed that knowing all these theories can be helpful for the corps officers and church leaders only if mastered. I promised to give them a copy but, after thinking a while, I thought it would be best if I make a material easier to understand at their level.It took me quite a long time to organize the topics and its even very difficult to start but after seeking the guidance of the Almighty all things turned well. A short prayer was very helpful and after that ideas just comes out as I typed.This material was based on the concepts of Psychiatric Nursing, one of the favorite topics I loved to teach. It deals more on the understanding of the behavior, how to handle them and ways to modify them especially if the behavior affects the persons lifestyle and interpersonal relationships. These concepts were obtained from behavioral theories which are widely used in training and educating people. My goal is share some of these theories to be used in the church.

The church is a place where there is a variety of people. Each person in the church is unique and has a distinctive behavior. In this place, there is a continuous interaction of people and sometimes during the interactions behavioral incompatibilities may cause conflicts. The behavior dictates how the person would act in a particular situation or stimulus. It also dictates how the person feels and interprets things. And that an understanding of the persons behavior is essential, for us to resolve conflicts and, for us to provide effective motivation.This material has not undergone the editing process, so please bear with typographical and other errors.

I hope that this material can help church leaders in handling their flocks. May the good Lord bless you and your ministry!Jason D. Arellano RN, RM, MAN

Understanding People by Age

Are you having problems on people or children? Erickson, one of the well-known behavioral theorists postulated the Theory of Psychosocial Development. His theory can be very helpful in understanding a person at a particular age group or level. Mastering the concepts in this theory will be of great help in determining the persons interest and needs. Shown below is the table showing the summary of the theory.Table 1. Developmental Tasks of PeopleClassAge GroupDevelopmental TaskPlay

Infant0-18 monthsTrust vs. MistrustSolitary

Toddler2-3 years oldAutonomy Vs. Shame and DoubtParallel

Preschool4-6 years oldInitiative Vs. GuiltCooperative

School Age Child7-12 years oldIndustry Vs. InferiorityCompetitive

Adolescent12-18 years oldIdentity Vs. Role ConfusionSocial Interactive

Young Adulthood18-25 years oldIntimacy vs. Isolation

Middle Adulthood25 to 65 years oldGenerativity Vs. Stagnation

Mature Adulthood65 years old and aboveEgo Integrity Vs. Despair

Discussion The Infant

At this age the main goal of the parents or people taking care of the child is the development of trust. If the parents fail to do this, the infant will have a difficulty in his or her next developmental task. One of the best ways to develop trust is to have a regular bonding with the child and providing the childs needs and comfort. The type of play is solitary, meaning the child can enjoy playing alone. The Toddler

This is the stage of autonomy. In other words, the child wants to have the decisions of his own. The child does not listen and always says no in whatever request or command. For example the parent would say, Baby, come and eat. The expected answer from the child is always no. The best way to handle them is to present alternatives. And that if you want the child to eat, it can be done this way, What do you want to eat, hotdog or egg? or you will eat or you will sleep? The play of the child is parallel. The child wants to play with companion but will not share his o her own toys. Preschool

It is the beginning of the childs curiosity or the childs interest in lots of things, especially the thing seen and heard. Sometime this makes the child experiment and if parental supervision is lax it may lead to problems. This is the stage where imitating is at its peak. So at this age, parents must be very careful on what information they feed the child. The type of play effective at this age is cooperative such as drawing together. Toys that replicate household tools, occupation tools, musical instruments, etc. can be very helpful. School Age Child

This is the stage where the child applies whatever knowledge he hears, may it be right or wrong. The child may be very proud and may even correct the parents, especially if an act is contradicting to what is taught in the school. The play the child loves at this age is more on competition. This is the peak where the child enjoys sports. Adolescent

This is the stage were the person develops his or her identity. If the person is confused about her role or identity he or she may tend to imitate friends or people around him. This stage is critical in the development of a good and strong personality. This is also the where the person worries about physical changes. The play for these ages is more on social interaction. The person may love parties, outings, gimmicks or any activity that involves socialization. Young Adulthood

This is the stage where the person longs someone to love and care. This is the peak where the person loves dating and courtship. Middle Adulthood

This is the stage where the focus of the person is more on the improvement of living and lifestyle. Topics concerning livelihood and income generation strategies are dominant in their mind and not love. Mature Adulthood

This is the stage of recalling the things done during the younger years. The person loves to discuss their achievements, failures and other past experiences. Telling stories of their life gives them comfort and ease. They appreciate much if somebody pays them a visit just to sit down with them and listen to their stories.Application

The following are the things needed to consider before planning a particular church activity. These are just suggestions and you can apply the concepts in variety of ways.

1. Handle people according to age groups. In the church we are handling Sunday school, bible studies and more. Sometimes we have a difficulty in handling them especially on discussions or activities. The problem sometimes is that they have different Developmental Tasks or Play. For example, if we group with Preschoolers and a School Age Children conflicts can be expected. Why? because they have different behavioral responses. In activities, the preschoolers love to cooperate with the group while the school age child would want to compete with his group mates or even with the teacher, or the activity facilitator. In other words, the age must be considered in groupings.2. In providing activities, the play must be appropriate for age. As Sunday School Teachers we need to know whom we dealing with in order to provide effective activities for our audiences. Our class sometimes gets bored when activities we give is not in-line with their interests such as giving a drawing or coloring activity for children under ages 8- 12 years old.3. In providing activities, it must be in accordance to the peoples developmental task. For example if we are dealing adolescents we must focus on identity development, or something that would strengthen the persons self esteem and capabilities, and for young adults the focus must be more on ideal love and courtship. Doing this will help the person boost his or her potential.Understanding Personality Problems People have some problems with their personality. They may not notice it but people whom they are with can. These personality problems may lead to conflicts and misunderstanding. It may destroy the good flow of relationship in the church but it can be prevented if we know how to handle them.

Personality Problems are divided into three groups or clusters; Odd or eccentric, Dramatic and Emotional, and the avoidant personality. Shown below are tables containing the summary of personality disorders or problems. These personality problems the person may experience could be mild, moderate or severe.Table 2.a Cluster 1 Personality ProblemsThese individuals usually have withdrawn, odd or eccentric behaviors

TypeCharacteristicsDefense Mechanisms

Paranoid These are suspicious, jealous, secretive and possessive type of individuals Projection

Schizoid These are usually seclusive, cold and aloft individuals

The individual manifests avoidance of meaningful interpersonal relationships They are usually introverts

They are the last to catch up fashion

fantasy

Introjection Isolation

Schizotypal These are people with bizarre fantasy

They usually have odd magical thinking

They peculiar language and thought patterns fantasy

Table 2.b Cluster 2 Personality ProblemsThese individuals usually have dramatic, erratic and emotional behaviors

TypeCharacteristicsDefense Mechanisms

Antisocial These types of individuals love to violate rules. They lack loyalty, honesty and fidelity

They are unable to postpone gratification Displacement

Borderline These are individuals that experience chronic feelings of emptiness. They have poor self control

They have self-destructive behaviors

They fear separation, impulsive and usually has unstable but intense relationship

Introjection Intellectualization

Histrionic These individuals love to be the center of attention. They are usually flamboyant or showy

They are overly concerned with physical appearance Transference

Narcissistic These individuals have sense of grandiose self importance; excessive self admiration Rationalization Denial

Reaction Formation

Table 2.c Cluster 3 Personality ProblemsThese individuals usually seek to avoid or minimize the anxiety or fea.

TypeCharacteristicsDefense Mechanisms

Avoidant These are individuals who are reluctant to engage in new activities They have fears of criticism and rejection

They escapes intimate relationships

They also avoid social events Isolation

Dependent These individuals have very poor self confidence. They are dependent on people.

They may passively allows others to assume responsibility of their lives. Rationalozation

Obsessive Compulsive They are usually perfectionists They may have ritualistic behaviors and preoccupations May have excessive dedication to work

Loves hoarding things Isolation Undoing

Reaction formation

Denial

Passive Aggressive Usually forgetful and they procrastinates They may manifest an irritable behavior when required to perform an undesirable task

May have unreasonable judgment on people Substitution

Discussion

Personality problems are caused by habitual attitudes and reaction patterns in human relationships which were developed early in life and were formed structure of an individual. It can be modified if the person regains insight or the individual becomes aware of his or her attitudes and make efforts to control the behavior.The Paranoid. These type of people are possessive and very suspicious. Their minds can create a variety of ideas with only few details. They may create suspicions on a simple whisper, sudden change of the tone of voice, gestures and body language. When their ego is at risk in cases where they are responsible for any wrongdoing they can easily put the blame to others. The best way to handle this type of individuals is make a clear and specific agreement. And once you make an agreement be sure to comply because these individuals dont accept excuses. Once you have destroyed their trust it will be forever.The Schizoid. These type of people are usually aloft and seclusive. They are also last to catch up fashion. They are not comfortable mingling with other people because they think that they are different. They are used to day dreaming and they usually have emotional detachments. These people can be handled by letting him or her to join in social activities but in a planned and gradual manner.

The Schizotypal. These types of people have odd or magical thinking. They think differently. They may affectively or intellectually diminished. They are used to roam anywhere like the nomads. They may go anywhere without thinking their responsibilities and they may forget also hygiene.

The Antisocial. These individuals love too violate laws or rules. They are stubborn. They can not be controlled by punishment; it may only postpone their behavioral patterns. They do not learn also from past experiences and they lack care for other people. They can be handled by having an agreement and it must be consistent.The Borderline. These types of people are marked with mood shifts and unpredictable behavior that is potentially self-destructive. These people experience chronic feelings of emptiness and identity disturbance. They can be handled by having a frequent conversation with them and allow them to express feelings. This can be very helpful for them to regain insight.

The Histrionic. They are extroverts and they always want to be the center of attraction. They are very manipulative. These can be people can be handled by having an agreement and clear terms that would limit the scope of manipulation and to prevent conflicts. These people are also very good in giving critics so be careful.The Narcissistic. These types of individuals have overblown sense of importance. They also need attention and admiration. These individuals would love to compete. They may unconsciously say false negative feedbacks to his or her competitors of attention. These people can also magnify little issues, so be careful. And also, refrain from revealing negative experiences or secrets, he or she can use it against you. These people can be handled by setting limits and distance. These people may consume most of your time if you will allow him or her.The Avoidant. These types of individuals are mainly loners. They have extreme fears of evaluation from others. They are not comfortable with many people. They may have few friends. You can not expect cooperation from them in performing tasks in the presence of a crowd. They can be made functional by expanding his or her circle of friends and having a constant interaction with them.

The Dependent Personality. These people have extremely low self-confidence and that they always assume others to assume responsibility. These people are always dependent and submissive. You can not expect these individuals to lead by themselves.

You can handle these individuals by giving them a companion in a particular task and gradually allow them to hold activities by themselves.

The Obsessive-Compulsive. These individuals are mainly controlled by obsessive concerns like cleanliness where the he or she cant stop cleaning the house. Because of obsessions, rituals were developed that can not be controlled. They can be handled by casting doubts or realistic facts that may lessen the obsession

The Passive Aggressive. These individuals have no definite decisions. In an agreement, a full compliance can not be expected. These individuals tend to forget and have unreasonable judgments. They also experience frequents temper outbursts and temper tantrums. This people can be handled by letting them work on the spot. Asking for their decision may not be helpful because they are fragile in this matter.Understanding Yourself Understanding yourself can lead to personality improvement. It can not be done alone. It can be achieved by both efforts of you and other people. A figure below will help you understand.Figure 1. The Joharris Window

Discussion

The above figure illustrates the windows of personality. It is model that will be of great help in understanding the self. The components are:

Private Window. . Fact about the self can only seen in this window by the person himself and no other. It includes secrets like the person whom he or she is in love, faults, and may be embarrassing experiences.Public Window. This is the window that contains information about the person that known to all such as the persons family name, address , some attitudes or behavior and accomplishments.

Blind window. This is the window that can only be viewed by people other than the person himself. It may be attitudes toward work, mannerisms, behavior and a lot more.Unknown Window. This is the window that may contain information about the self that is unknown to all. It may contain hidden abilities, talents, etc that are not yet discovered.

Application

If you want to know the facts about you need to accept criticisms in order to expand your private window. Improving yourself after being criticized helps the person uncover the secrets on the unknown window.

Figure 2. The effect of accepting criticisms and behavior modification

As shown above, the public and private windows are bigger than the two other windows. This is the product of continuous fellowship with other people. One of the best ways to achieve this is going to church.If you want also to help other people understand their own self invite them to join actively in the church. For parents dont send your children to church but bring them with you. God bless you!PAGE 11J.Arellano Notes 2010